The Way I Started To Sob - Tumblr Posts
➳ bad habit | psh.
nonidol!sunghoon x fem!reader
“i wish i knew you wanted me”
synopsis: sunghoon never realized you loved him in high school until you confessed it on a drunken, celebratory day.
warnings/content: written in third pov. mentions of alcohol. aged up — hoon’s 23 and reader’s 22. oblivious sunghoon. kind of idiots in love. cursing. not proofread.
genre: angst with little fluff
comments, likes, and reposts are appreciated :)
word count: 2.6k
a/n: fictional characters — dae (jungwon’s boyfriend), min-su (heeseung’s girlfriend), and ji-woo (jake’s girlfriend).
so excited to join @okwonyo’s celestial ballet event! hope this goes well with the song as you play it <3
༘˚⋆𐙚｡masterlist⋆.✧˚
current song playing: bad habit by steve lacy
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺
1:08 ────────|─────────── -2:43
after years in college, sunghoon found himself achieving a goal he’d never thought would come true — in which was landing his dream job abroad, allowing for his group of friends to celebrate with one last drinking night.
the air was filled with drunken laughs as everyone reminisced about the past, talking about high school and college memories, and the stupid stories that came from it.
y/n giggled next to dae, cheeks tinting a soft pink on her face as she mindlessly smiled, thankful for the non mentions of her crush on hoon back then.
but he caught glimpses of her grins, pressing his lips into a firm line to bite back whatever he could. his heart would still ring and call for her, making him unable to comprehend whatever jake was murmuring next to him.
“right hoon??”
“hm? oh yeah.. yeah, whatever.”
jake huffed out a laugh as he watched his friend keep his gaze on the girl in front of him.
“aye, sunghoon?” the aussie boy tried to snap, but hoon’s focus stayed completely on y/n as she unsteadily walked out.
he was quick to follow behind, ignoring the asked whereabouts from the others as dae peeked at ji-woo and min-su.
“should we..?” jungwon’s partner hesitantly questioned, trailing his voice off so the two could get the hint, but ji-woo only shook her head.
“no, let them talk.”
and so they did, leaving sunghoon to trail after y/n who decided to sit outside for fresh air.
the boy found her crouched down in a quiet area, much different than the rowdy atmosphere from before.
he gave a soft sigh, heart pounding in his ears as he took a seat next to her.
“hey,” his voice murmured. “you doing okay?”
he laid his eyes on y/n who still had bright cheeks from the alcohol consumed. she deemed a soft smile as her eyes closed. “me? of course i’m okay!” she shouted, hiccuping afterward.
sunghoon scoffed out a quiet laugh in return, hiding away his smile as he let his shoulders bump against hers again. the little touch was almost nothing, but it still sparked his heart that was mindlessly filled with her.
“you didn’t drink a lot, did you?”
“no…, you know i can’t handle alcohol very well.”
unknowingly, his lips curled as he remembered the other times they’d drink together in college.
“yeah.., i know.”
he felt his body warm up from the memories that flooded in, melting his heart in ways y/n couldn’t imagine.
“we had some good times in college, didn’t we?” she uttered, recalling back to the best memories she could find in her buzzed state. “i’m sure gonna miss you.”
sunghoon chortled out a laugh at her words. “i’ll miss you too, but i’ll still visit you know?”
y/n felt her heart slightly shatter at the mere thought of not seeing her friend as much anymore. “yeah, but it won’t be the same, hoon. why do you think everyone was talking about our high school and college days?” she smiled, remembering the continuous group of friends kept along the years.
he sighed as he tilted his head up, glancing at each star that decorated the night sky. “high school was really something, wasn’t it?” he mumbled, softly freezing when the girl laid her head on his shoulder.
“yeah.., it really was.” he heard her muffle, allowing him to plaster on a wide grin.
“do you ever miss it? or wish you could go back?” sunghoon’s eyes twinkled as he continued to stare at the sky, thinking back to all of the good times he had.
“i’m not sure if i would honestly…,” y/n chuckled, causing him to hear it. he questioned what it was about, turning his head to find that she was still restlessly laying on his shoulder — so he glanced up at the stars again as he let her giggle.
“hoon..,” she hiccuped after a while.
“hm?”
“i was in love with you in high school.”
sunghoon’s heart immediately stopped beating when her words processed. he felt his body tense up and his throat suddenly ran dry once he blinked his eyes.
“w..what?” he stuttered, feeling like his heart was gonna burst. the male quickly pulled away, causing y/n to pick her head up as she beamed a half smile.
“yeah.. i was so in love with you in high school, i’m surprised you didn’t notice from our friends.”
he peered his gaze into hers as everything he felt almost went numb hearing the sudden news. his breaths got heavy, and his chest was heaving up and down from the realization.
from the lingering stares to the quiet shared touches they had in high school, the girls heart was close to exploding from each small interaction that never came to sunghoon’s attention.
from the way she tried to get close with him, asking him about his hobbies or interests to the way she also kept a distance to not be too much of a bother.
the high school girl was hopelessly in love with her friend who was oblivious.
his hand quickly ran to his chest, clenching onto the pained feeling as he remembered the constant ships with him and y/n from their friends. however, they always ended up being mindlessly excused by him. he deemed it to be uncomfortable for them both so he always pushed it away for her benefit.
going from that sign to another was when she always made sure to show up to his ice skating competitions with flowers and loud cheers, even when no one else could show. then they’d go out for ice cream and highlight the best of his performances.
✩ ‘i wish i knew’ ✩
or when he’d fall asleep during lunch and would suddenly wake up to a packaged sandwich and coffee milk on his desk with a little sticky note that’d say — ‘eat something, dummy y/n~ :)’ — causing an unaware smile to grace his drool covered face.
or even when the two would have to go to a study session together alone (totally not planned purposely by their friends), and they’d be out late together in tiring nights that’d be filled with quiet arguments and loud laughs. then hoon would knock out first and then the girl would too right after, letting them doze off while facing each other.
✩ ‘i wish i knew you wanted me’ ✩
none of those signs made sunghoon fall for her until after high school and in college.
when the academics began to get rough for him, he’d always think about just how much y/n was able to cheer him up in high school.
her constant nose crinkles and bright smiles were a heart throbbing realization that he loved his friend who was able to light his day.
ever since he realized it, he was always the one to make effort into having a full day that revolved around her, even if they had different schedules. it caused them to have constant drinking days and continuous study sessions that could be shared upon just those two.
but from what he didn’t know was that as soon as he figured out his feelings, y/n began to realize that he wouldn’t go for a girl like her. she was hit with the reality that even with her efforts in high school, he’d never turn to someone he just considered a friend.
so she forced herself to see him as a friend only, to see him as the way she thought he saw her. and though it hurt, it worked in some ways when she began to feel a warm fuzzy feeling she’s always felt towards her close friends.
sunghoon felt like an idiot. he was an idiot.
the signs were so obvious and yet young, high school hoon was too caught up in other things to realize it.
✩ ‘made a move, coulda made a move’ ✩
‘idiot’ — he mentally cursed to himself, heart breaking as y/n only laughed.
“it’s funny though, because at some point, i noticed how our friends began to give up on us being together. i guess they got tired of me constantly talking about you.” she chuckled to herself, still radiating off her buzzed state as she muttered, “sorry, this must be awkward to hear.”
sunghoon chewed his lips as he turned his gaze to her, finding the girl only staring at the night sky instead of him, though he wished she could just meet eyes with him.
“y/n..,” he weakly called, mouth dry with guilt. “i’m sorry…, i didn’t know you.. loved me in high school.”
✩ ‘if i knew, i’d be with you’ ✩
he watched her face morph into a reassuring grin, still not looking at him as if she couldn’t bear to lock eyes with the boy she used to love.
✩ ‘is it too late to pursue?’ ✩
“don’t be sorry, hoon. you didn’t know, you don’t have to be apologetic.” y/n finally looked back at him, face subtly lighting up in shock when she found him already staring at her.
“i still am…,” hoon defended, causing a hearty laugh to be heard from her, fluttering his heart.
“i’m okay, i swear. we were just kids anyway, what did we know? plus everything worked out for the best because we ended up being really close in college.”
ouch.
she meant her words to be filled with nothing but reassurance, but sunghoon couldn’t help the burning in his heart.
✩ ‘i bite my tongue, it’s a bad habit’ ✩
every part of his body ached with the pulses that were known as a heart break. his nails dug into the palm of his hands, harshly furthering it to distract what was really hurting him.
“right.. we were a good duo in both high school and college.” he murmured, laughing it off.
✩ ‘kinda mad that i didn’t take a stab at it’ ✩
y/n scrunched her brows as she shook her head. “maybe just college, high school was just me in love with you.” she grinned, jokingly ridiculing herself.
and college was him falling in love with her.
the way he always waited for her after her classes even when his class finished an hour early, or the way he always made sure she never drank too much with her lightweight — or even the way how she was now the one to knock out first in study sessions, and it’d let hoon stop studying and just linger his stare around her facial features as she slept.
but that was passed now.
sunghoon lowly chuckled, unable to hide away his feelings at this point as the girl was now the oblivious one.
✩ ‘it’s okay, things happen for’ ✩
“they’re memories i’ll always love to look back on.” y/n beamed, pursing her lips into a thin line as she huffed out a sigh. “i’ll miss you, hoon.”
she turned away, breaking the eye contact that he still longed for as she returned her head back onto his shoulder.
the boy exhaled a sigh as well, breaths lowly unsteady with the constant thought of high school y/n in love with him.
✩ ‘reasons that i think are sure, yeah’ ✩
“if you had a chance to redo high school, would you?” he restated his question from earlier. “like would you do it all if you got the chance? fall in love with me again?” his voice slightly trailed off, scared of what the girl would say.
y/n gave a soft hum as she thought to herself, unaware of what he was intending. “i don’t know if i’d go through the heartbreak again.” she laughed. “it was honestly pretty hard getting over you.”
hoon instantly felt his chest tighten at the admission, clenching his jaw to bite back the pain as he let her continue.
“i guess i would do it all again, but just to experience young love again. the innocence of having a first time crush and all is just so fresh, you know? it’s something you can’t have again after experiencing it.”
the male paused, only hearing his deep breaths as he realized that she was the one he had experienced that with, just as much as she did with him.
fuck, his heart hurt. it burned with a sense of loss, like this was the end for them.
sunghoon found himself unable to form a response as he was overloaded with how much time they could’ve saved if he knew.
“y/n..,” he softly croaked, gulping down his feelings when she interrupted — “but! i’d like to see that you not reciprocating my feelings back was a blessing in disguise.”
“o..oh…,” he cleared his throat. “really?”
“yep! i realized that after we started college because that was when i was able to really connect with you as a friend! made me realize that it was probably better off that we stayed this way instead of me being rejected.”
she laughed about her feelings being easily declined once more as sunghoon bit his lips and stayed quiet. it was a quick notice for her, causing her to softly nudge him.
“don’t dwell on the past and make it too awkward, loser.” y/n teased. “you don’t have to feel too bad for me.”
“i, uh.. just didn’t know… so i’m a little shocked.”
“i’d imagine you to be,” she cackled. “but don’t worry about this, that’s the past, let’s focus on your future! you’re gonna be flying out tomorrow for that job, i’m so proud of you.”
sunghoon smiled, nodding his head in agreement as he was finally brought back to reality.
“seriously so proud of you.. hoonie.” she gently called. “i’ll always cheer for you, okay? no matter where you are, i’ll always be your number one supporter.”
his lips softly curled at her words, eyes slowly blinking as he still felt his heart shatter. “from high school to now, you were always my favorite person to bring for support.” his husk voice murmured to her.
y/n grinned, tears welling in her eyes as she pulled him into a sudden hug. “i’m gonna miss you so much.., what am i gonna do without you?”
sunghoon scoffed out a laugh and sighed, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her in closer. “i’m gonna miss you too but you can live without me just fine, y/n. it’s me who won’t be able to do anything without you.” he replied back with a shaky tone, tears sparking in his eyes as well.
“shut up, you’re gonna make me cry more!” the girl quickly smacked his back, earning a chuckle from him.
they pulled away after savoring the hug a little longer. sunghoon placed a hand on her cheek, wiping away the tears that drowned her face as he murmured, “you can’t replace me while i’m gone, okay?”
“why would i ever replace someone like you?”
y/n wailed out more cries after her words, allowing hoon to pull her in for another hug. he gave reassuring strokes as he laughed from hearing her cries.
“are you teasing me right now??” her shaky voice asked.
“no, no! i’m just happy we’re experiencing this together!”
“liar!”
the girl sent a few smacks toward him, and the bickering went back and forth before they both deemed it enough.
the two went back to staring at the starry night with y/n’s head laying on sunghoon’s shoulder.
✩ ‘i know i’ll be in your heart till the end’ ✩
he loved her too late, and she loved him too early.
he wished he knew, he wished the girl he loved had confessed sooner because it was too late to make a change now.
though her heart still somewhat called for him, he was leaving and she couldn’t do anything about it.
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