This Lead To A Rant - Tumblr Posts
Aro/Ace belong in the LGBTQ+ community
ok so I found this and I am fucking livid. I happen to have an Aro/ace friend who is also agender. This story brings me no fucking peace in mind. This is going to be an entire rant so sorry.
I mean, you can’t just force yourself on someone when they have stated boundaries. Not only that but you can’t say that rape fixes everything. That is the exact opposite as children, women, men and people in general are raped because of either how they look or because they do it out of contempt. This is someone who is clearly a fucking arophobe who doesn’t even know how aromantic works. And so not only this but it’s so ignorant of someone to clearly ignore something so important and just go in. Not only that but I thought that LGBTQIA was the full thing with the A at the end standing for Aromantic or Asexual. So the fact that someone just ignores the fact that this is someone who is like other people in the LGBTQ+ community is infuriating. Because this goes to show that even though we all have worked hard to earn respect and a safe place in the world we’re not only ignored but everyday we are targeted in our own communities and it is so fucking sad for me and so even when we have all of this going on this is an example of us trying to tear each other apart. We can’t do that, otherwise we’re just as bad as the people who hurt US daily. All people who identify as Aromantic and Asexual or both shouldn’t have to be pushed away. They are apart of this community and they too are being hurt by people like that friend, and we can’t turn a blind eye. For me all aromatics and asexuals are welcome in the community. And for those who’re homophobia arophobic transphobic or just hate the LGBTQ+ community as a whole. Just back off, we aren’t hurting or trying to interfere with your daily lives and we’ve got problems of our own to deal with and we don’t need you to try and make our lives more difficult just because you think we’re all going to hell. Because all it does is lead to discourse and conflict that isn’t needed at all. my rant is over and I’ve made my point for those who identify as aromantic and asexual and are reading this there are many people out there that support you!
I wanna tell you guys a story,
Not too long ago, my friend Bella came out as aromantic to me, and now I’ve got some things to say.
I was the one who told her what aromantic means, because I was explaining different sexual orientations to her. I remember saying, “Asexualiy is when you have romantic attraction, but no sexual attraction.”
Bella immedently, without missing a beat, asked, “Is there an opposite to that?”
I asked what she meant, and she asked if there was a term for sexual attraction but no romantic attraction. I told her about aromantics. She got weirdly quiet, then excused herself.
Not two weeks later I was heading to my boat. I was supposed to meet Bella and another one of our muteral friends there for a day of fishing.
As soon as I was in earshot, I saw Bella storming off the boat, and our other friend standing there like an idiot. Boi had no idea what was happening.
Anyway, Bella isn’t looking where she’s going and walks smack dab into me. That’s when I realized she was crying. Puffy red eyes, wet cheeks, the whole nine yards… And if you know anything about Bells, she does not cry. Ever.
She’s been through some serious crap in her life, and she does not cry. She’s tough as nails. Bella has a steel core. She does not not cry. I’ve seen her fall off a roof and break her arm before, not a single tear. I can’t stress this enough, Bella. Doesn’t. Cry.
So seeing her in tears shook me. I took her by the shoulders and escorted her somewhere more private where we could talk. We ended up in the women’s restroom, which was weird as fuck for me, because haven’t been in a woman’s rest room for years. Luckily it was empty, and I’m realistic, I know I don’t pass so well, so I don’t think anyone would have said anything anyway.
Before I can even ask her what’s wrong she hugs me around my middle and burys her face in my hoodie. Then, in a voice I can only describe as traumatized, she says, “I think I’m broken.”
I’ve never seen her in so much pain, and Bella and I are CLOSE. She’s one of my dearest friends. She’s like my little sister, but if she’s like my sister, our other muteral friend is like her twin. He and Bella have know each other WAY longer, they’re practically inseparable. They come as a pair. They’re a duo. They’re a package deal.
Appearently, said muteral friend asked Bella out and forcefully kissed her. She shoved him off, and told him she’s aromantic, which she only recently figured out. She wasn’t ready to be out, but this muteral friend left her no choice. She tried telling him no, and he didn’t listen. Bella saw no other option.
Quote on quote, this is what he said to Bella. “That’s okay. You just haven’t dated me yet. We’ve been like, unofficially together for years. You’re probably just freaked out that it’s finally going somewhere.”
After that I’m not 100% clear on what happened, but apparently Bella kept saying no Nd trying to explain herself, but he kept insisting he could ‘fix her.’
Eventudally she started crying and stormed away. That’s when I found her.
Keep in mind, this was her first experience coming out, and her best, closest friend insisted he could fix her and forcefully kissed her. I found out later he also implied corrective rape would ‘solve the problem.’
Bella was traumatized. She’s still traumatized. I tried to make her feel better by buying her an aro pride shirt, and taking her go a local LGBTQ+ hang out. I wanted her to be around like minded people, so she could see she wasn’t broken, and her identity deserved to be respected.
Instead of a warm, welcoming environment… The first thing someone said to her was, “This place is for REAL lgbt people. You don’t belong here.” He also implied she wasn’t human.
Just think about that for a minute. Her first experiences with being an out aromantic have been limited to;
A person she trusted more than anyone forcing himself upon her, claiming she was ill, and needed to be fixed. (Raped.)
Sobbing in my arms in the women’s restroom because she thought she was broken and defective.
Being told she wasn’t welcomed in LGBTQ+ spaces and called inhuman.
This isn’t what I want for her. Bella deserves better than this. She needs a support system, not all this crap. I’ve spent the past week trying to undo all the damage exclusionists, arophobes, and people she trusted did.
Aromantics and asexuals belong in the LGBTQ+ community. You literally cannot change my mind.