This Was So Pretty - Tumblr Posts
Until We Wake
Pairing: Gale/Tav
Warnings: Talk of death, afterlife, angst.
Word Count: 1000 words
A/N - I wanted to try and write something different, and move away from my usual overly-descriptive style.
I hope you like it <3
You are dead.
It was easy in the end. Like taking off a coat you’d been wearing too long.
There’s no confusion. You know you are dead, and it’s okay…Was okay? Is okay? Time is strange here. Slippery.
You are sitting at the edge of a great lake. Well, not really sitting, not really by a lake, but that’s how it feels. There is no sunshine, but you can feel the warmth of it on your—skin? No, not skin. There isn’t any skin. There isn’t a body at all. You just… are.
It’s nice, actually.
“God?” A voice, though not a voice, fills the space around you.
“Erm, no. Sorry. There may be one around somewhere, though,” you reply.
You sense a kind of exasperation.
“No,” it says, more insistently. “Which God is yours? Who did you worship?”
“Oh!” That’s funny. If you had lungs, you would laugh. “I didn’t really worship one.”
The silence that follows is heavy.
You’ve probably given the wrong response and are now going to drift here for eternity in silence. That doesn’t seem so bad. There’s peace in it.
“But, uh, I felt close to Selûne. I knew her daughter, actually. Aylin? I saved her once—no, twice! From an eternal cycle of ritual torture and sacrifice. Twice!” You pause, waiting for the weight of your heroism to settle in. “Can you write that down? Are you writing things down? I don’t really know how this works.”
“I am not writing things down.”
“Right. Okay.”
More time passes—seconds, hours, centuries. It is hard to tell. If experience has taught you anything, it’s that you should probably be a little hesitant about listening to mysterious entities who appear in your unconsciousness. But, for whatever reason, you have no doubt that you’re safe.
“Who are you?” you ask.
“Nobody.”
“Oh.” Another eternal pause. “Sorry, I don’t know what that means. I know you don’t have a body. I don’t either. What I meant to ask is... what’s your purpose here?”
“To help”
“Ah.” You think about that. It feels distant, though, like the thought isn’t entirely yours. “Can Withers bring me back? He usually does.”
“No. Not this time.”
That’s alright, you realise. Everything ends.
“Can you tell me how you died?” the voice continues, unhurried.
If sadness existed here, you would feel it.
“I failed somebody. I couldn’t convince him he was deserving enough to live. He sacrificed himself. I stayed with him.”
“Gale Dekarios,” comes the response. Even now, even here, the sound of his name warms you.
“Yes! That’s him! Have you met him? Is he here too?”
“He is not.”
You pause, a moment of confusion or relief, it’s hard to say. Perhaps he’s with Mystra.
He had followed her order, hadn't he? He had used the orb. Perhaps he was cradled back in her starlit palm. Perhaps he was finally fulfilled.
“He’s probably with his Goddess,” you say, matter-of-factly.
“He forgot his Goddess. At the end, he thought only of you.”
Right. He had said something like that once. On a boat he had built out of hope and stardust. It felt like a lifetime ago. You wish you had said more to him—something different. You should have been more convincing, made him see he was more than magic, more than martyrdom. He was kind. Funny. So very human.
Not anymore.
“Will I see him again?”
“Maybe”
This voice that’s not a voice is not hugely helpful. It feels distant. Somehow big and small. Like many voices, or none, all at the same time.
“I let him down,” you whisper, though no sound leaves you.
“He forgives you.”
What do they know of Gale? This mysterious spectre. Maybe it’s just your own thoughts, your desperation, trying to clutch at forgiveness. Maybe death has splintered you into fragments of yourself whispering back and forth. Maybe the afterlife is nothing more than talking to yourself in the quiet, with no one left to answer. A conversation in circles, where you are both the call and the response.
“You loved him" they say. It isn't a question.
“I did. I do. I always will.”
It's lucky you don't have a heart. It would be in splinters.
“Would you like to try again?” The voice offers.
Your thoughts pause, grasping at the idea. “You mean, go back? To the start? Is that possible?”
“Sometimes. Under certain circumstances.”
A chance to try again. At what? Saving Gale? Having a better life? A better death? Eventually finding your way back to this place, with no regrets holding you back?
You would like that.
“Will I remember this?”
“No.”
“Will he?”
“No.”
You could have had this conversation hundreds of times before, or perhaps it is the first and only. It is impossible to know.
“Ok. Yes, please.”
You can feel the pieces of yourself starting to come apart, like threads of a tapestry being unspooled by the oldest and gentlest of hands.
You reach out for those delicate, golden threads on instinct, but they slip away, and it is hard to know whether you are letting go of them or they are letting go of you.
Scratch the Dog. Karlach’s laughter. Night Orchids. Sunlight on scarred skin. Homemade cookies. Gale. Magic. A kiss.
You try to hold them tighter.
“How do I know I won’t make the same mistakes all over again?” you ask.
“You don’t,” the voice that wasn’t a voice says.
A silver sword. A man with horns dancing. Pipe smoke and bear fur. Taverns and temples and soft touches. Gale.
You’re trying to hold so many of them, you have to let others go. What is your name again? How old are you? Who were your parents?
Moonlight through shadow. A boat on make-believe water. A hand in yours. A purple dagger.
“Will I still be me?” You’re no longer sure what that means.
“That depends.”
The lake that wasn’t a lake, the warmth that wasn’t the sun, all of it begins to fade. You feel yourself pulled away, or maybe pulled together. You aren’t sure which—you just know you’re going somewhere, somewhen.
The voice speaks a final time as everything ends. As everything begins.
“Who are you?”
sketch of the girls at the gala in @sweetasmiele fic “collar full” my commissions r open!