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The dark skies of wishes shine down on existence; live it forevermore

Sugar Stars warnings — spoilers for kinos lost eden route and vampire ending word count — 1.9k

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It's not friendship—vampires like him do not need friends and someone like her would never be friends with a vampire. It's about convenience, it's about pretending not to notice when the other is being used. It's the remnants of what once was and what it has now become, when two clueless children met on a rotting land. Grazing skin, shaking hands, ruffling hair.

Centuries have passed them by. Kino now hates billions of things; boredom, pity, defiance, asking for help, not understanding. The list is fascinatingly long. Surprisingly—to no one, considering how dishonest he is—he finds himself dialing [Name]'s number when he knows she's busy. Her attempts to set boundaries for the sake of her schedule were nothing more than fruitless. She grumbles to herself but she never makes her complaints clear, for they aren't. Kino calls her not because she's a friend or because he's relying on her. It's never been like that with her. She uses the oscillatory activity of his traumatized neural tissue to experiment with different behavioral patterns of possibilities, and in return he uses that natural objectivity of a scientist she so proudly boasts to understand himself better.

He's not doing something he hates. He's acting out of his own free will. He's not asking for a favor. [Name] is at his every beck and call whether she likes it or not. It's the way it is. It's the way they work.

She leaves the tone to ring for longer than his patience can handle. For a brief second he wonders if she won't pick up at all. But it's [Name] and [Name] will always answer when her screen displays the katakana characters for his name. Effectively, she picks up. She doesn't say a single word, though. He hears the faint scribbling of graphite on paper and her calm breathing; of course, he specifically caught her right in the middle of her research.

"Hey, you." —Anta as he's always addressed her.

Her silence lasts a little more. Then she manages a sigh, "I have a name, Kino-san."

As if he's ever cared. "I want to have a chat with you, Ms. Scientist." It's about what Kino wants and not about what he needs. He won't ask for help because he doesn't need it. He wants, he demands.

[Name] remains quiet for a brief moment. Her chair squeaks when she leans back on it and she exaggerates another sigh. Kino waits. White noise breaks up their communication as [Name] travels instantaneously to wherever he's expecting her. It's a sound somewhat comforting, whispering to him she's coming to his aid—not that he requires any aiding. He soon hears footsteps through his speaker and simultaneously approaching him from behind. He throws a glance behind his shoulder to meet her curious eyes scanning the scenery.

A cliff, a forest, an entire galaxy of luminous dots she can name stretching over their heads. [Name] is still holding her phone to her ear when she concludes, "The human world." Her voice echoes doubly in his brain. She sounds both exhausted and excited in her expressions. "I haven't been here in eons." Her gaze darts over to Kino before she ultimately hangs up. She stands beside him while he childishly dangles his legs over the edge. "Whatever might you need, Kino-san?"

He won't bother correcting her and he won't bother demanding she sits down to be either at his level or lower. He doesn't need to. He braces himself for the words she'll soon stab through him. "You knew about my plan, didn't you?" he begins. He can't believe he's hesitating.

[Name] side-eyes him with a raised brow. "You ask as though it wasn't I the one to work out the logistics of it for you."

"It didn't go as you'd planned."

It's only one sentence, but it successfully throws her for a loop, stripping her of that superior air of intelligence she wears like a crown. She glares down at him with wide eyes. Kino almost wants to laugh out loud at the despair on her face. How could [Name], of all creatures, have failed? How could she turn out unreliable when working with logic? "…Did you follow through as told?"

"I developed feelings for Yui," he admits quietly. He knows who is truly at fault.

"Yui?"

"Eve."

"Ah." The silence enveloping them is deafening. Kino absolutely despises the judgmental glower slicing him with her objective pupils from above. [Name] drops down to settle on the edge of the cliff cross-legged. A heavy exhale rips from her disbelief. "I was aware of your reckless stupidity, but you've far exceeded my expectations, Your Highness. Of course you'll chuck it out the window if you throw human emotions into the mix."

Her tone nearly shatters his eardrums—it's not loud and Kino has never heard her raise her voice, but it's so unexpectedly harsh. This is why [Name] is so useful to him. She always figures things out for him in such a way that he knows it won't fail. Human emotions, like the liking he accidentally developed for Yui, don't fit into her logic. It was his fault he messed up a perfect plan.

"How tragic were the results?"

Kino chuckles, "The ghouls turned on me, meaning so did the Church. That's on your calculations, though, Ms. Perfect."

"Don't bother. I was very clear when I warned you the Church was nothing more than a gamble." A gamble he gladly took because she's never failed him. [Name] cranes her neck to meet his eyes. She doesn't seem as harsh when she harshly states, "The ghouls' rebelling does not sit right with me knowing I remarked Yuuri-san was indispensable."

And the fact he fails to form an answer makes him feel small. He hates feeling so unbelievably small.

"Of course," she practically seethes, "you vampires simply cannot cherish anything." He wonders why cherishing doesn't fit in her definition of human emotions. She carries on before he can ask, "Because of Eve?"

"Yeah, well, thanks to her, Yuuri came back to me, my brothers acknowledged me, and I have someone by my side."

"I cannot believe you're looking at the bright side of a failure."

"The plan failed, Ms. Objectivity, not me. The project for the ghouls' promised land still stands."

[Name] takes longer than usual to follow through with a reaction. "…So you called me for a different plan that you may possibly not stick to?" she mutters her question skeptically—more to herself than to Kino.

"No. I called you for an objective look at me."

It's absolutely hilarious how easy it is to perplex her. She tilts her head and furrows her brows and scrutinizes his face with suspicion scrawled all over her features. "…Pardon…?"

Kino hates billions of things, each of them piling up one on top of the other; relying on others, asking for help, pity, vulnerability, weakness. He shifts his sights up to the sky and the endless compasses of stars offering guidance. Impressive how Yui managed to change him so much so easily. "I was willing to die for Yui," he doesn't hesitate to admit, "but I didn't want her to die for me. So here I ask you, Ms. Facts, what do you think?" He sees the way she raises a questioning, judgmental brow. He knows she's the right person to ask. "Can I choose who to die for even if they don't want it? Or worse, can I choose who to live for when they might not want it?"

A life without meaning, created and crushed repeatedly on nothing but a mere whim. How can such a thing be possible? Living, dying, existing—they mean nothing at all. Then why does it matter? "Why are you asking me of all people?"

The grin stretching across his lips is surprisingly harmless, although it still holds that usual cheeky air of mischievousness. "I mean, you are my own personal advisor, aren't you, [Name]?"

Her eyes narrow on cautious instinct. Using her name to pretend their bond is deeper than it actually is. He enjoys playing childish games like these. "I am nothing of yours, Kino-san." Because it's not friendship and it's not reliance and it's not important. It's nothing at all.

"But you'll advise me anyway."

"Of course," [Name] laughs light-heartedly. "I'll put it in the simplest terms possible for the sake of your tiny vampire brain."

"You're testing my patience, Ms. Scientist."

"I have been for the past centuries or so—" He opens his mouth once more to spout out empty threats. [Name] slaps her palm onto his face to silence him. "—No matter. I'll start with the most basic of thoughts," she starts as she pulls away before his disturbing fangs sink into her flesh, "which is, I believe what you're asking of me is revolting. Leaving it up to others to choose what the meaning of your own life is; truly disgusting. Being alive doesn't inherently mean you're worth anything."

"So I can be dead or alive without meaning? That's what your sharp logic is getting at?"

"Yes." It's so simple to crush and create. It's so simple to exist. "If you wish for a point, then simply create one. These things don't need so much complexity. You're one simple, bratty child, so I fail to see why you care for something bigger."

"Because the reason for my existence had been decided for me. I want you to tell me if it's possible to be alive for somebody else—if I can decide who to die for."

The glare she washes over him feels threateningly close to slicing him into pieces. She's condescending in all her concepts. She knows she's smarter than he will ever be. "What's with all these half-assed ideas of existence you have? You either exist or you don't. You're either dead or alive. You either have meaning or not. Whether you're destroyed or rebirthed, you can just be. You're not Schrodinger's cat. You're Kino-san, illegitimate son of one maniacal bastard—choose whatever you shall do with that for yourself."

"You're awfully talkative when the topic interests you."

"You shall misunderstand me if you so wish." [Name] squeezes out a defeated sigh from between her teeth. She knows better than to feed into his taunting mockery. "May I go now, Prince?" There's an edge in her words. She leaves it up to Kino to interpret it as it is or completely ignore everything. She had been busy before dropping her papers to come to him, after all.

Kino chooses to ignore her longing to leave. He allows gravity to tug him down as his back slams against the ground behind him. His eyes trace existence in the sky. A chuckle sounds. "No, I'm not done with you."

And although it's not friendship or reliance and there's no such thing as goodness in either of their hearts, [Name] pronounces not another syllable of complaint. She stares at his relaxed body sprawled across the dirt and grass for a little too long. A huff escapes through her nose while she promptly returns to gazing at the marvelous Milky Way he so cordially invited her to share.