Venom Comedy - Tumblr Posts

Venom To The Rescue || Venom x Reader + Avengers

Summary: Venom has saved the world even if he didn't give a shit about it.

Warnings: none

Words: 2486

Requests: @ihavealwayslovedcass

Authors: Cass & Rouge

A/N: One bite per day keeps Thanos away :D ~Cass

Eddie had enough of sitting in the office as much as you so he decided it was time for a camping. Both of you took a few days off, packed all stuff that were needed and headed to the camping spot.

It was a nice summer night. Eddie was sitting in front of the fire, frying some marshmallows on his stick. "You will love it, V. They are just as good as chocolate. Sweetheart! You are done in this tent? We... I mean.. I miss you here," Eddie said looking over his shoulder.

"Minute! I just need a minute! I can't find my hairbrush! Did you pack it as I asked?!," you screamed out of tent.

Venom formed himself from Eddie's back and laid his chin on man's shoulder sniffing viciously. "It doesn't smell nice. You burnt them, Ed. If you think we're gonna eat some burnt marshmallows, you're fucking mistaken, we tell ya."

Eddie rolled his eyes. "You said the same thing five minutes ago, Y/N, your hairbrush should be in my backpack!" Then he looked annoyed at Venom and shook his head. Eddie took a new stick and impaled two marshmallows on it, he put it in Venom's mouth. "Here, make your own, Master Chef."

Venom formed a hand and shifted it more into campfire, without complaining this time.

"I've found it!" After a moment you joined them sitting onto Eddie's lap. "Oh, V! You do it by yourself!"

Venom narrowed his eyes. "He made us do this."

"Well, he had no other choice. He didn't like mine so he has to do it by himself," Eddie giggled and looked at you. "Come here sweetheart, I want to cuddle with you."

As soon as you joined Eddie, he wrapped one arm around you and pulled you closer. "I love this camping already, even Venom won't destroy my mood. Just me and you," Eddie purred and nuzzled to your hair. "Hey, how about a walk?"

You brushed his cheeks and cupped his face to place a passionate kiss to his lips. But when you two were kissing, something slick and cold sneaked between your faces. It was no one else but Venom. "And we. We all are Venom!," he stated proudly and gave a lick to you and to Eddie.

Eddie blinked, growling annoyed. He already started to mentally count to ten to calm down.Eddie let out a deep sigh. "Y/N? So what with our walk, shall we?," he asked getting up and offering you his hand.

You grabbed his palm smiling. "Sure. We can get a round."

Venom growled quietly and hid himself.

"I swear, if you will be calm for this walk I will buy you a box o chocolate bars," Eddied said mentally to Venom and quickly pulled you with him.

The night was warm and calm, you two walked slowly. "This place is nice, right?," Eddie smiled at you.

Your arm was wrapped around his waist. "Yes. I like it. It's nice here, away from the civilization. It's nice to be here, to clear mind, breathe with fresh, clean air," you whispered.

Eddie nodded. "No work, no problems, just me, you... and Venom,” he laughed softly and pulled you closer to himself. "I needed something like this."

You two walked for a few more minutes simply enjoying your time together. Talking and joking was enough until you pulled Eddie's attention away from the chat.

"Hmmm? Did you hear that?," you asked carefully stopping within a step. "I bet I heard something. In the brushes. Nearby."

Venom formed himself once again and his eyes narrowed. "There, footprints," he pointed his formed hand in east direction. "Check it, Ed... Maybe it's something to eat..."

Eddie let out a loud sigh and stroked his hair, looking at Venom, then at you.  "I don't know, these can be footsteps of some tourists. I mean, this place is popular." Eddie though few minutes."What do you think, Y/N?"

"I think... We should go back to tent... I don't like it," you said squeezing Eddie's hand.

But Venom had opposite idea. He covered Eddie's body and smirked viciously at you. "C'mon, pussy. We're gonna check it. We smell a meal. And we're hungry, fucking hungry." After these words Venom grabbed your hand and pulled you right behind him, straight into the bushes.

Eddie used his whole will straight to fight Venom back this time. He hated when this was happening, Venom was always taking over his body without even little warning.

When Venom let go of Eddie's body, you and he stood in front of a big human-like creature with purple skin.

Eddie slowly pulled you behind him.

You trembled and squeezed man's palm strongly. "Let's go back, Eddie... I don't like it..."

The mystery person or creature was no one else than Thanos himself. He turned to you and Eddie."Humans! Bow to your new ruler before I will liberate you from your biggest problem!"

Eddie blinked completely scared. It was talking and apparently, it was talking to him. "V.... one of your buddies?," he asked.

Venom formed the head next to Eddie's. "No, pal. We don't know this purple turd."

You pulled man's hand trying to run away. "Eddie," you whispered.

"Ey, motherfucker, who are ya?," Venom tilted his head narrowing his white eyes.

Eddie hushed you and pulled you behind his back, at last he had Venom to protect you and him.

Thanos looked at Venom with a frown."I am..."

His words were interrupted by another voice.

"Yea, yea! You are Thanos and you came to get stones and destroy us but you know what big, purple buddy? Not today."

It was Iron Man, Tony Stark himself in the company of Avenger's Quinjet.

"Are you okay, kids?," Iron Man asked before landing on the ground, other Avengers joined him soon.

Venom's eyes got wider as he tilted head from left to right few times. He poked Eddie's cheek. "Who they?," he asked. "You know 'em? Are they your stupid colleagues from work that we don't know about, huh?"

You nuzzled to Eddie's back panting in horror. The entire situation was too complicated for you to handle. It had to be a calm camping, for fuck's sake!

"Don't worry, we'll handle it," strong voice said. It was no one else but Captain America himself. He got out of the Quinjet, Black Widow and Thor followed him. "Tony," he nodded at Iron Man and then moved the glance of his steel blue eyes on you, Eddie and Venom, frowning a bit as he spotted the symbiote.

Venom poked Eddie's cheek. "Say something, mr reporter. Protect us. These are strangers. The blond one looks appetizing though..."

Eddie shook his head. "I don't know them personally but they are Avengers. Heroes are here. We are safe and Venom, you won't eat Captain America," he frowned looking at symbiote.

Tony nodded. "Hey there, I see that American ass and the crew joined us so we can start."

Thanos laughed deeply. "You!? What are you gonna do? Beat me to death with this pathetic freesbie? I will destroy you all."

"Yeah, you wish this, big purple mister…," Tony wasn't able to finish his sentence.

Venom observed the entire scene carefully. He turned his formed head to look at Thanos. He was stending only few feets from him. Well, Eddie once said "you can eat bad guys". And if we cannot eat that tasty booty of Captain America... We're gonna do a quick check, he thought to himself frowning. Symbiote glared back at Thanos, measuring him from the bottom to the top.

Bad guy look - check.

Has bad intentions - check.

Looks like a thing possible to eat, namely a plum - check.

Threatened Eddie, Y/N, ans these people dressed like for the masquerade - check.

Hunger - DOUBLE CHECK.

Before anyone could react, Venom overtook Eddie's body, took a large step towards Thanos and simply ate his head off, decapitating Mad Titan within blink of an eye.

"OH MY FUCKING SHIT JESUS CHRIST!," Tony yelled took completely off guard, even his helmet opened to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

Others were just as shocked as Tony was.

At this point Eddie was fully happy that Venom took control without warning, at last, he was sure that the love of his life was safe from... Whoever or whatever it was.

"LANGUAGE, STARK," Captain snapped angrily looking at Venom in disbelief. "Did you just... What the hell!"

Venom smiled widely. "We're Venom. And we were hungry. You look tasty, too. Especially that butt of yours, so juicy. But wait. I need that purple lungs and liver, I bet they'll be more tasty than his purple head. It didn't taste like plum."

"Language, Rogers!," Tonny yelled using Steve's voice. "Exactly, WHAT THE HELL?! IT WAS OUR JOB!,” he said.

Natasha listened to Venom and shook her head. "I am getting sick, I go back to Quinjet,” she said and turned around to leave. Others followed her, leaving Cap and Iron Man alone with you and Venom.

"See? Even... this thing says you have a nice ass," Tony said looking at Steve.

Steve blushed and made a mad grimace whilst looking at Tony.

Venom was eating Thanos' body, part after part, swallowing flesh like a starving lion that hunted a prey. "We aren't a thing, dumbass, we're Venom," symbiote reminded with mouth full of flesh. After a while he hid himself leaving Eddie kneeling next to dead corpse of Mad Titan.

You watched the scene and fainted with gasp escaping your parted lips. Steve rushed to you to support you from falling onto dusty ground.

Eddie groaned and shook his head. "Oh my God.. I'm gonna be sick," he looked at the corpse and quickly moved away. "What happened?"

"What happened is that I just filled my armor with my breakfast. WHAT THE HELL and don't even try, Rogers!," Tony warned before finishing, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"

Eddie smiled softly and got up from the ground."Uhm... Well, some time ago I caughed this parasite and it kinda takes over my life," he shrugged and quickly moved to you. "Y/N? Sweetheart, it's okay now."

Steve was holding you into his strong arms, his blonde bangs fell onto his forehead. "She's fine, it was... A bit too much for everyone, pal," he explained carefully handling you to Brock. "The parasite you say? You do realize that this parasite has just killed Earth's greatest threat?," Steve gazed at Tony with helpless grimace. "I think this thing has just gotten our work done," he shrugged.

Venom formed his head next to Eddie's smiling widely. "Oh, hi there, America's greatest ass. You look tastier from such a short distance."

Tony rubbed his face. "Yea... I think so, Cap, let's just go before he eats you too. I think I need to go and take a nap. The sleep deprivation isn't good for me. Thanks for the help... whoever you are."

Eddie looked at Venom and smile, holding you close. "I need to say this was a good job, V, for once a good job," he petted Venom's head before picking you up in bridal style. "Well, I think we should go back to camp, but I have question. Can I, Captain?"

Steve nodded hesitantly, he took a step backward to avoid the possibility of being eaten by Venom who was petted by Eddie but still glared at him with tongue licking his fangs.

"Well, if you and the whole team are here already, could you give me an interview? I am a reporter." Eddie smiled.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Reporter with head-eating parasite and I though that God of Thunders is weird,” he commented.

Venom turned his head towards Stark. "Hey, sardine in the can? If ya have problem with Eddie, ya have a problem with us. We'll be your nightmare. Eddie, you ran blood tests lately and you had a low level of iron. We can eat this metal turd to keep your iron level at norm, what do you think?"

"We don't eat avengers, V." Eddie said with a frown. "Remember? No eating good guys."

"Exactly! We are good guys, suck me, parasite," Tony barked. "Cap, please? Give a kid an autograph and let's go home."

"Well...," Steve put hand on Eddie's shoulder. "I think we owe you this at least. If you'll promise me that your strange friend won't eat any of us," Steve smirked at Brock.

Parasite immedietely moved his head to Steve hand. "Pet, pet?," he asked.

Steve, as carefully as it was possible petted symbiote's head. "Yeah, you did a... God job. And well, you saved the world and entire universe."

Venom smiled licking Eddie's cheek. "You see, Ed, and you try to tell us what our hunger sets you in trouble constantly. But as you see, the troubles were eaten off."

Eddie smiled and sighed. "Okay! sometimes you are useful." Eddie nodded and looked at Captain. "That would be great! I will contact you when I will be back at work, okay?"

Steve smiled at man. "No problem."

Meantime you opened your eyes. Venom noticed it and instinctively nuzzled to you whispering. "We had just gotten Eddie a new job, he'll interview that bootylicious blonde man."

"Hey, sleeping beauty,”  Eddie smiled at you and kissed your forehead. "Venom is right. The newspaper will have an exclusive interview with Captain America himself."

"Captain, Captain?," Venom moved head to Steve.

"Uhm, yeah?"

"Tell your iron pal that we keep our eye on him," Venom added.

Tony was pretty irritated at this point. "Yea, sure, whatever. See you in the tower, Cap,” he muttered and quickly left.

Eddie sighed. "I think all of us should head back home, it's late,” man said and looked at Venom and then back at you. "Who is tired?"

Steve greeted Brock and followed Tony to Quinjet.

Venom shook his head. "We're not but we'd like few of those marshmallows that have left in a pack. And you see, we came to this world on purpose. And this was it. We came to eat all of your and Y/N's problems. Additionally Earth's problems too. And you call us a parasite. You lack gratitude, pal."

"You can't always eat our problems, V,” Eddie sighed and looked at Venom. "But thank you and you will get all the marshmallows of the world."

Venom nuzzled to Eddie's neck. "Ya know. We love you, pal. Though your lungs smell good, we would never ever eat you. You're one of us. Till the end of the world. Or until you'll starve us to the point we won't be having other choice than to eat you."

"I love you too, V. Thank you," Eddie said and looked at you in his arms. "And we love Y/N too," he told you and kissed your forehead.

“So?,” Venom poked man's head. “Move your fat butt, Brock. We're still hungry.”

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