Viriginity - Tumblr Posts

I don't have any rl friends on Tumblr and so far I've remained anon so here goes...

I remained a virgin until I was 18. It had nothing to do with my church. It did have everything to do with being molested at a very young age for several years.

Not going into too much detail, that childhood trauma led to me feeling like all sex was dirty and it made me feel like I was going to have a panic attack if it even came up.

I kissed my first boy at thirteen because I was terrified of doing so before that. I only did it because he was a friend of my family, we had just started dating and he sorta sprung it on me. I felt pretty elated after the fact because I HAD KISSED A BOY and the world hadn't shattered around me.

I allowed some heavy petting with other boys a few years later. It always felt force and I always walked away feeling as if I had done something wrong.

Fast forward to my then boyfriend, now husband.

I turned 18 right before we started dating. I was very upfront with him about my experience and he was impressed and very understanding. I explained why I was a virgin and he was horrified for me and has several times told me that he wishes he could retaliate against the person who caused me a lifetime of anxiety and self-doubt.

When we decided to have sex a half a year later, it was a mutual decision. I was extremely nervous and he was wonderful.

The next morning, I woke up covered in hives because I had been so anxious. I had no idea you could even get hives from stress.

Over the last 12 year, we have had a wonderful, loving relationship because he has remained understanding and attentive to the fact that I have special needs in the bedroom.

The universe sometimes gives us exactly the person we need in our lives to help us through our worst messes. My husband and this woman's husband need freakin' medals for being wonderful sexual partners. There are not many of those in the world.

IT HAPPENED TO ME: I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity and I Wish I Hadn’t [x]

This is a long read but it’s interesting. Really sad though.