W O W - Tumblr Posts - Page 2
First Love | Reflection | MAMA | Awake
First Love | Reflection | MAMA | Awake
"I miss you" (because payback's a bitch and so am I)
One Year:
"I don’t know why I keep coming back here so often. At first, I told myself it was for Rebecca, but she doesn’t recognize a headstone as you. Which is… That’s good. I’d rather she remember you as you were, instead of… I just worry she won’t remember. And I still… I blame myself. Obviously, I do. Why wouldn’t I? It was my… There’s no excuse. It was me. That’s me, and I’m the reason you’re… I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself. If I didn’t know that a bullet wouldn’t… Einstein once said that “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I’m a lot of things, but I like to think I’m not insane, so I don’t think I’m going to try again. But, if I could… But I have Rebecca. I can’t. I can’t leave her. But, Andie… I don’t know how to do this without you. Please.”
Five Years:
"Rebecca says hi. Sorry, I didn’t bring her today, she’s in the city with Steve. I thought that would be best, since today… Today’s not a good day for me. I’m having… less bad days, than I used to, I guess. But… not a day goes by that I don’t think about you, and then I just kind of… It’s rough. I won’t lie. It’s rough. And I remember you so clearly, the way you felt with me, and the way you’d feel when you got inside my head, and I miss that. It’s weird, but… I miss that. Rebecca misses you. I wish, sometimes, that she looked more like you, because I miss your face. She acts like you, though. And, sometimes, she makes these faces… And it’s like you’re home again. I’m still… Andie, I’m so sorry.”
Ten Years:
"Hi, Andie. It’s been… Wow. Ten years. Really? That’s… Wow. I know I was just here last week, but Rebecca worked some more on control this week. She still loses it sometime, but she’s already better than me. She’s everything you thought I could be, and everything you were, and more. She’s better than both of us. I’m so proud of her, Andie. I know you would be, too, if you were here. We visited the school on Wednesday and Thursday, and I taught a couple of classes. Everybody misses you. They still ask about you, every time, and I’m not surprised by how much it hurts me. I still… I still feel guilty, and I wish more people would blame me. I’m so sorry. I miss you so much, and it’s all my fault, and I miss you. I love you, and I miss you, Andie, so much. But I think I’ve finally… figured out how to live day-to-day without you, even if I still think about you every day. I love you."
so i got into little nightmares recently. good couple of games. totally not obsessing over it. 👀💦