Whumpril Day 6 - Tumblr Posts

Whumpril Day 6: Bad Coping Mechanisms

Fandom: Star Wars The Bad Batch

Warnings: Self harm and slight mentions of suicide.

Summary: Hunter had to find a way to deal with the war.

Finding ways to deal with the war was hard. Wrecker joked or talked about it, Echo walked around or read reg manuals until he felt better, Tech distracted himself with research projects or with tinkering, and Crosshair trained. Hunter however wasn't sure how to deal with the pressure.

After a long and brutal battle the clone found himself sitting alone on the Marauder. Angry at himself Hunter pulled one of his vibro-knifes and stabbed it into the ground. It didn't make him feel any better.

With tears in his eyes he started into the knife. When the idea came to his head the anger in his heart took over and he set down the weapon to remove his left lower arm armor. Quickly it was removed and the blade was right back in his hand.

Almost without hesitation Hunter dragged the knife across his inner arm. The long wound hurt but most of the stress and memories that had been drowning him disappeared.

He stared at the blade and sighed. The pain calmed him in a disturbing way and suddenly Hunter knew how to deal with the war. It was self destructive but at least it could keep him alive.

Over time scars grew. No one could see as the soldier tore himself apart. Armor and long sleeves hid the marks. Hunter chose to get up earlier to change so no one could learn.

The man knew that harming himself was unhealthy but the Kaminoans never taught them how to cope, they had to find their own ways. Unfortunately the thing that kept Hunter alive was actively destroying him.

Small and large cuts littered Hunter's arms, stomach, thighs, and lower legs. No where on his body was safe from himself. Sure the armor and tight blacks hurt when they rubbed the wounds but it almost helped keep him calm.

As the clone walked into the shower the water stung all the open wounds. He winced and looked down at his body. That's when he decided he'd stop after the war. What Hunter didn't realize was that it wasn't his choice anymore. The addition would be something he'd have to fight as hard as he fought the droids that threatened his life. The war he had unleashed while just trying to survive would be a long and hard one. The scars of his decision would forever rest on his body.

When the war ended Hunter fought against the urge at first but as things got worse, gave up, deciding that once things got better he would stop. There was this overwhelming feeling in the man's stomach that this cycle would continue, that he would stop when he was dead. However a bad coping mechanism was better than being dead, right?

Hiding the scars and fresh cuts were harder. The batch was constantly around him and there was no war to blame sore spots on anymore, no battle to fall back on. They no longer had a fixed time to wake up so Hunter couldn't just plan to get up and dressed before the others.

Hunter knew the batch would find out eventually. He feared that day. Injuries on missions that he couldn't just brush off would cause the truth of all the small movements he made away from their touch. One day Hunter would stop punishing himself to stay alive. Today unfortunately would not be the day.

@whumpril