Why Do I Have Such Poor Emotional Regulation - Tumblr Posts

Sometimes I wish I never had to pick up the phone. My whole body itches with the need to check and see how everyone I love is doing, and I always give in to that craving. It's my own fault that they all live so far away from me anyways. So I check my phone, and on the tip of my tongue I'm always wanting to ask, "When are you going to ask me to stop?" But it's a bad habit I'm trying to curb, so I don't let it leave my mouth or bleed off my fingertips.

There's so many beautiful things about them that I love. Their sense of adventure and drive to keep going. Despite the odds that the universe seems to throw at them they just keep pushing forward in a way that leaves me inspired. They are so uniquely them that I can see parts of them flitting around in my daily life- through colors, and products lining store shelves. Through the changing of the seasons outside and the weather. I breathe in their company and am reminded of every late night conversation we had, while everyone else was asleep.

It's not enough to fill the empty space they leave whenever they're far away, but enough that I'm always reminded, so that I'm always reaching for the phone (the one thing that keeps us tethered) like a lifeline. I can't help feeling this way, because they made me who I am.

Does anyone else deal with this level of obsession? Does anyone else feel the need to keep everyone you ever dared to love in a box so you know they'll never leave? That you need to hold them captive with your words because for some strange reason that's beyond you, you don't believe that they could ever love you back? Even if they made me everything I am?