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it's in the middle of the night...

and I'm crying over this fic 🥲

Was She Ever Found?

Pairing: Lena Luthor x Reader

Summary: You feel like Lena’s true self as been lost, and you don’t think you can find her anymore. Based off of Space Song by Beach House.

Word Count: 908

Warnings: Depression, falling out of love, heavy angst, angst without a happy ending, break-ups, heart break, and cursing.

A/N: Of course, this hurts. First time writing Lena Luthor, and it’s already a mountain of pain. Enjoy though! <3

It was late at night

You held on tight

From an empty seat

A flash of light

Lena had been so distant recently. In all honesty, you had been trying your best to not let it get to you. You didn’t want to be annoying or anything like that. It’s just… she’d be so- different? You couldn’t help but be concerned for her. Between the excess sleep, and her barely eating. She just wasn’t like herself… at all.

Every day, she’d leave before you were awake and get back when you were asleep. Of course, you’d have a small voice in your head accusing her of cheating. But it didn’t take a genius to figure out it wasn’t cheating- she valued her work over you. It was as simple as that. And her work was making her burnout, and get more depressed than ever. Everyone knew it too.

At the beginning of your relationship, she’d been honest about her struggles. You understood- her childhood wasn’t easy and having the Luthor name attached to her made Lena a target. You loved her through all of it though- that said, you often questioned if she did the same.

It will take a while

To make you smile

Somewhere in these eyes

I’m on your side

“Lena, baby. Hi!” You said happily, rushing up from the couch. It was a very rare occurrence for her to come home so early, and you wanted to bask in the joy of it. “I missed you. Have you been feeling any better?” You ran your fingers through her hair, a soft gesture to meet her exhausted stance. You hesitated when you noticed her body language- she had to stop herself from actively pushing you away.

“Work was shitty. I’m so tired.” She mumbled out, and you frowned when you saw tears brim her eyes. She rarely cried. When she did, you knew it had been a particularly bad day. “I just need some space right now.”

You frowned. Lena needed a lot of time alone recently, and part of you wished she would just accept your love. Alas, you understood and respected her request, “Of course baby. I’m going to make myself something to eat, but let me know if you want anything?” Lena simply nodded and left without saying a word, and you swallowed down the urge to cry. You felt so selfish but shit… it hurt- fucking badly.

You wide-eyed girls

You get it right

Fall back into place

Fall back into place

The next morning was no different. She was completely distant, and couldn’t even bring herself to simply reply to an easy question. You wished you could just do more. A large part of you was being eaten up by guilt- if only you could be more helpful. Maybe it was your fault she was so sad.

She left for the workday, and you drove yourself to your job. You were unable to focus the entire time, your mind racing with thoughts of Lena. You hated to admit it, but you almost wanted to yell at her to just snap out of it. Of course, it wasn’t that simple. You just missed how it all used to be.

How it used to be when she loved you. She used to hold you, full of emotion. Even when she could barely function, she made sure you were never alone. She had always just been there. And it wasn’t like you weren’t sad either- Lena just never took notice nowadays.

Tender is the night

For a broken heart

Who will dry your eyes

When it falls apart?

You knew it was coming. That she was going to leave you- I mean, you just weren’t ready for each other. Bottom line, she was different now. The new Lena can’t handle you- or anyone, you think. It wasn’t even personal.

You just think she doesn’t have the energy to love anymore. But god, you wish she fucking did. You missed how she used to be around you- how things used to feel. When you asked, she told you how she felt- tired, alone. Depressed. You wished you could fix it- but god you just couldn’t.

When she came up to you that day and told you she couldn’t be with you anymore- you were heartbroken. You felt as though your heart had shattered. Even if it was for the best- you couldn’t. It hurt so bad. She told you it was for the best of you, and she didn’t want you to feel unloved anymore.

What makes this fragile world go ‘round?

Were you ever lost?

Was she ever found?

Somewhere in these eyes

You were just so tired now. Even with Lena’s non existing love, she was still there. Not there for you, particularly- just there. That was what made it enough for you. She was there, and you saw her. Even if she hated you- you just wanted to see her.

But now, you couldn’t. She moved out, even quitting her job. You wish you could have done more- logically you told yourself you did everything you could have. Still, you felt responsible for her going numb.

It was too late now though. She was gone, and she was never coming back. She’d given up, and maybe a small part of you thought you should too.

Fall back into place

Fall back into place

Fall back into place

Fall back into place

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