Youre Still Alive In My Head - Tumblr Posts

No. 4: HALLUCINATIONS

Hypnosis | Sensory Deprivation | “You’re still alive in my head.” (Billy Lockett, More)

OC Whump

Hi, here is my contribution no.4 for Whumptober !

A bit of context : When he was younger, the Ensorceleur fled his home and met a man who drew him into his mercenary army. He trusted this man completely, without realizing that their relationship was anything but healthy. After years of committing atrocities on behalf of his mentor, he finally opened his eyes and left. But the experience have definitely left a mark.

If you have any questions, I'd obviously be more than happy to answer! Also, English isn't my first language, so i apologize for any mistake. Check the tags for TW and enjoy !

The world moved around without him seeming to belong to it. His body seemed to be in a different space-time, heavy and slow, while a complex choreography of fluid movements seemed to take place around. A thick, heavy fabric limited his movements and separated him from the rest of the world. On a deeper level, the Ensorceleur recognized the effects of an active substance, probably an opioid administered to calm the raging pain that had taken hold of his decomposing right arm. This recognition, however, didn't allow him to act on the consequences, which didn't help the swarm of agitated persons next to him to calm down.

Standing next to his shivering friend who was clearly in a state of shock, Api struggled to retain any vestiges of composure.

 -If there's one fucking piece of information that's correct and accurate in his file, it's that he reacts badly to opioids !

-It wasn't in his file, sir ! Retorted the young apprentice on the verge of tears.

-Then who messed with the files ?!

-I did the best I could with what I had, sir !

-Damn it!

At his wits end, the healer turned away and took a deep breath to calm himself. Well, at least the drug seemed to have greatly reduced the physical pain, which was the primary objective. On the negative side, the mercenary looked more distressed than Api had ever seen him.

The Ensorceleur buried his head in his knees with a moan, drawing his attention. The man who treated a show of weakness as the worst thing that could happen to him moaned. The healer dropped to one knee, hesitantly bringing his hands up to the other man. The problem with trying to heal an Entity completely drugged and trained to kill was that the slightest miscalculated gesture could have dramatic consequences.

-Easy, breathed a voice behind his ear before he could make contact with his friend.

Crouching beside him, Bryan regarded the Ensorceleur with a worried expression.

-If possible, avoid touching him. He sometimes reacts...violently, when he's not in his normal state.

-Has anything like this ever happened before ? inquired the healer cautiously.

The guild leader hesitated visibly, because...

-With his metabolism, yes, from time to time...Don't look at me like that ! he quickly defended himself against the healer's glare. We tried to get his cooperation on several potential treatment plans when necessary, when he was in top form, and he always refused ! Except that once he was injured, we had no choice but to try and treat him with what little medical history we had. So yes, sometimes things got out of hand, and I've seen him in that kind of state before.

The Ensorceleur muttered a series of garbled words incomprehensible to them, and Bryan winced.

-Well, maybe not like this. His reactions to opioids are one of the pieces of information he's shared with us on his own.

-Hey. I need you to focus on us and try to communicate how you're feeling. I have a drug with an antagonistic effect that may help you feel better, but with your strange metabolism, I'd rather we let the effect wear off on its own. But I need to know how you feel, Api said slowly and distinctly to his patient.

The Ensorceleur could have answered him. He could have told him immediately to give him the strongest possible dose of his magic product. In fact, he would probably have begged him to do so, had he been able to hear what Api was saying.

But the ghostly hand resting on the back of his neck like tthe executioner guillotine had ensured that his undivided attention went to the only person in the room worthy of it.

Didn’t I taught you that showing weakness is the best way to get others to stab you in the back ?

Not real. He wasn't. He was drugged, and he absolutely had to hold onto that thought. At all costs.

You've never been one to hide behind lies. But I guess that's what you needed to keep hiding behind Silver Shein's back like a scared child.

The hand had more weight now, nails digging into flesh.

It's pathetic. You look like a beaten dog. But I suppose my disgust is normal. Few artists are ever satisfied with their creations.

The Ensorceleur exhaled the liquid lead in his lungs in a long, hoarse hiss and tried to convince himself that the hand on the back of his neck was more reassuring than terrifying, whether it belonged to Api or Bryan, or even Freya, who distrusted him but wouldn't hurt him for no reason, least of all in front of Bryan's eyes.

He forced himself to open his eyes and stare at Api's anxious face hovering in front of him. Whatever he felt behind him wasn't real. Just a hallucination brought on by the painkiller. Nothing that could hurt him, just a conspiracy from his brain and senses. If he concentrated on Api's features, on his reassuring presence, then the hallucinations would have a harder time dragging him into the dark corner of his consciousness where they resided.

Except that a pale face burst into his field of vision, blocking out his friend's view. The Enchanter gasped and threw himself backwards. His skull hit the wall with a thud and a flash of white flashed into his retina for a second, just a second ; that was enough.

A leather-gloved iron fist closed around his neck, strangling the scream. A weight much heavier than it should have crushed his hips, pinning him to the ground, and Magister leaned over him, smiling broadly, his pupils two black holes dripping ink onto his face.

Perhaps your brother's son would make a better canvas...or a better receptacle !

The man's face melted, lengthened a little, and his hair grew and lightened until a mass of curls frame familiar features. A grotesque parody of Lucien laughed in his face, before vomiting black, stale blood onto his chest. The Ensorceleur received a few drops in his mouth and audibly choked, struggling to free himself from his mentor's grasp.

-No. N-no...

He’s choking

Even now, you don't beg. Is there anything that could make you give up your misplaced pride ? Are they so insignificant to you, those you claim to protect ?

-Nooo...

We'll see, whispered the abomination with his nephew’s face. We'll see how quickly you fall at his feet...

When I've repaired your mistake and got my new suit of flesh, finished Magister, his mentor, master, friend and executioner.

Through the delirious terror (not for himself, never for himself, because his master would never hurt him, but the others, the insignificant...) that clouded his mind, he became aware of an increasingly acute pain in his arm. He resumed his pitiful attempts to free himself. He was the Ensorceleur, he had to fight, to keep going, to do the only thing he was good at...

But he had never been able to make even a violent gesture towards Magister.

You love me more than you've ever loved anyone.

Warm breath on his nose. Ice-blue eyes, punctuated with shadows and shades, so close he could almost see the constellations formed by the black flakes in the iris.

I'll try to sedate him

Watch his arm

Moist warmth on his cheeks, distant and impersonal. Emotions blunted and others too vivid to comprehend that clash and leave him torn, barely able to put together the pieces that make him the Ensorceleur.

I love you.

A sharp but localized pain in his arm.

I forgive you.

The last image to followed him into the muddy waters of unconsciousness were those icy eyes. Or...warm brown, perhaps?

He prefered this softer brown.

L'Ensorceleur let himself be drawn under the surface, where neither ghosts nor memories can follow him.

You belong to me, after all.