Sirius: So I Got Engaged!

Sirius: So I got engaged!

Walburga: Is she a wealthy pureblood witch?

Sirius meets Regulus's eyes, both nod and smile.

Sirius: Well it's a wizard.

Walburga: gasps, clutches her pearls.

Sirius: He's super poor.

Walburga :scrunches up her nose in disgust.

Sirius: He's a half-blood.

Walburga : eyes bug out.

Sirius: Oh and he's a werewolf. *grins and winks*

Walburga : collapses

Sirius:*sarcastic gasp* Aw is she dead? *checks pulse* Oh wait she is.

Regulus:*mildly miffed* DUDE! You killed Mom.

Sirius:*defensively* Well you killed Dad!

Regulus: Touche.

Sirius: Whenever Remus is mad at me, I go and tighten the lids on all of our jars so he has to get help from me

*sound of glass breaking in the background*

Sirius: It hasn’t worked yet, but it will happen

Happy Fathers Day only to people who gift knives to their teenage sons.

Lily steps on Sirius's toes

Lily : Oh I'm so sorry, Padfoot.

Sirius in five inch platforms: Oh it's okay I can't feel my feet anyway.

1927

Ministry: Hey Dumbledore would you fight your feral ex pls?

Albus: Lol fuck no.

1993

Dumbledore: Hey Remus you wouldn't happen to know how your feral ex was getting into the castle would you?

Remus: Lol fuck no.

Dumbledore wiping away tears: I've taught you so well.

Happy Pride Month only to Draco Malfoy looking and feeling like utter shit for a year, crying in a bathroom and promptly getting eviscerated.