Art By Upoyk

art by upoyk

She might sense you…

-look who is back with their obsession again :)

real world analogues to concepts in de are so interesting to me. like, i think it’s fascinating to compare, say, the pale & climate change. it becomes easier to understand the resignation that most of the characters feel towards this enigmatic, world-destroying force. also, it’s really funny to put harry’s deranged dialogue into perspective. imagine being kim, & the guy with amnesia who you just met says stuff like:

“wait so, who is this ‘jesus christ’ guy? oh. uh huh. i think my ex wife was named christine. do you think there’s any relation?”

“so, this is a ‘car?’ i don’t think i know what that is. oh wait, like from nascar? i like nascar. ah. i see you’ve got a V8 cylinder formation here. nice.”

“just so you know, i think i might be the reincarnation of karl marx. real quick, by the way, what is money?”

Adjustments

Summary: Yomiel has a few issues about the last timeline. He gets told off by his cat.

Made for @altairattorney at @fyeahghosttrick‘s Ghost Swap exchange

The first time Yomiel saw Sissel - the cat, that is - in the new future, was when he was invited to dinner at the Jowd household. Honestly? It wasn't the most enjoyable experience he'd ever had.

He didn't really enjoy socialising at the best of times and here, in the midst of this happy family he'd so furiously destroyed, it was definitely not the best of times.

Their happiness was suffocating and painful. Their willingness to befriend him, even more so.

He gazed out of the window, trying unsuccessfully to appear completely absorbed in the gently falling snow. Maybe if he looked distracted enough, no-one would try to talk to him? And that was when he saw the kitten.

He was confused at first. He was aware that Sissel had gone home with Jowd, of course he was, but this cat was much too young. Maybe they were a descendant... but then why the achingly familiar red bandanna? The kitten appeared to sense his confusion, and leapt delicately from his perch atop the mantelpiece, crossing the room to leap onto the lap of the startled Yomiel.

And then proceeded to drag him into his worst nightmare.

The second the familiar vortex of the Ghost World flashed into view, he panicked.

No... Not this, not again!

"Calm down, Yomiel." The faintly amused purr at once reassured and horrified him.

"S-Sissel? But how..." His mind was reeling, events of that day replaying at a lightning rate. The shard. The deflection. A kitten hidden in the grass. Yet another cruel twist of fate.

"I'm so sorry, Sissel."

The moon gaze was soft. "Don't worry about it. I'm fine with this, really."

They lapsed into a short silence, stunned on Yomiel's part and calmly companionable on Sissel's. After a while the cat decided enough time had passed for his previous owner to come to terms with the new situation, and began talking.

"I couldn't help noticing that you don't look too cheerful."

Yomiel cringed slightly. "Was it really that obvious? Never mind, I know it was. I just... why are they being so damn nice to me?"

"They're nice people."

"That's not  - I - they should hate me!" It bursts out of him, staining the air with his confusion. "But they don't. They don't know the truth."

Kamila was probably the worst. It would've been Alma, but he didn't talk to her much, although Sissel (the human, that is) did.

Cabanela... Well, he was never really going to get on with Cabanela, but the guy tried. The guilt he seemed to feel over the "interrogation incident" didn't lift Yomiel's spirits as much as it once might've done, in fact, it made him a little uncomfortable. If Cabanela knew what he had done... Yomiel doubted he'd make much of an effort to get along.

Jowd was, if possible, more of a mystery, but every time he caught his eye the sympathy there was discomforting. "I know what it's like", that look said. "These memories are a burden to us both."

And they would've been bad enough, but Kamila... she was so sincere, so heartbreakingly innocent. Every time he saw her, he couldn't help but realise all over again that in the last timeline he hadn't seen her. Not at all. Not really. She was just another weapon to use against the people who had killed him - or the people who he'd convinced himself had killed him.

"Even Lynne - I almost killed her, even in this new future." He gave the cat a searching look. "And it's like she's completely forgiven me. She put it behind her... so why can't I?" He kept telling himself  that this was better. This was the best ending, the ending he'd never allowed himself to even dream of. So why couldn't he just be happy?

Sissel's inscrutable spirit somehow managed to emit an aura of disapproval.

"Yomiel." He began, then paused. "You do know that no-one can be happy all the time, don't you?"

Neither spoke for a few seconds.

"I... I... Of course I do! That's not the point!"

"Then what is the point?"

"How can I be happy when... when I did so many terrible things?"

Sissel padded closer and sat directly before him, refusing to let Yomiel avoid his stare. "Not this time round."

"So what? I still remember it!" From behind the protection of his sunglasses, his eyes burned.

"Alma doesn't remember it."

The flinch as Sissel said her name was clearly visible.

"Cabanela doesn't remember it, Lynne doesn't, Kamila doesn't."

Yomiel met his gaze. "Jowd does."

"Jowd understands. {I think. I still don't understand him.}"

He almost laughed. So even after all these years, Sissel still couldn't hide his thoughts in the Ghost World.

"But even if he didn't remember, I do. I know what I can do, what I can feel... And it scares me, Sissel, it really does." All the energy seemed to drain from him, shoulders slumping.

"Yomiel..."

"That I'm capable of such awful things... and I can remember it all, so I don't get to say that it wasn't me, or that I don't understand how I could do those things. I do." He looked down. "That's the problem."

"But that was because of Temsik! You're different now!"

"No. I'm just in a different situation."

"No! You're wrong! {Argh, why can't he see?}" he almost snarled, tail lashing from side to side and eyes narrowed. Sissel had had enough.

Yomiel jolted back in surprise.

"You have changed. You are not the person I saw in the junkyard who found joy in another's pain. You care! You feel guilt about what you did, and you never want it to happen again. Maybe you can't make up for it, but that feeling is enough to build on."

Oh. Was it really that simple? Could that really be it? Was this worrying really unnecessary?

But... "...what about you?"

"Me?"

"You. Because you saved me, you've been condemned to a living hell. A fate I wouldn't wish on anyone. How can you possibly forgive me?"

Sissel's eyes shone like hope. "Easily. I know this is hard for you to believe, but I really am ok with this. I'm a cat, Yomiel. And the truth is, in the end... I had so much less to lose than you did."

A naive, weary anger at the unfairness of the world sank into Yomiel's bones.

"You deserved to live."

"So did you. And fine, I can't promise I'll be happy like this forever, but I am for now, and to me? That's all that matters."

The silence returned, this time comfortable for both. Eventually, Yomiel gave one of his strangely sincere smirks.

"Well then. I suppose if you can live with it... I can, too."

Returning to the real world, he scratched the cat behind the ears. "When did you get so wise, huh?"

Sissel raised a metaphorical eyebrow. "Wise, eh? Just because I don't bother with those stupid social niceties you humans care about so much and speak my mind." His purr could be heard through the whole house.

"Excuse me, Mister Yomiel?" Kamila tugged gently at his sleeve.

"Huh?" Yomiel glanced around in confusion.

"Are you ok? You looked upset before..."

"Oh, don't worry. I was just thinking."

"Oh. Well, would you like to see all the tricks Missile can do? He's really smart, Lynne showed me!"

"I... yeah. I would like that, Kamila. Thanks."

Sorry about the long pause, I lost my sketchbook and it's taken me a while to get a new one. But anyway, have another Sissel!

OUGH what a beautiful bear….