Makeup

Makeup

The first time I wore makeup was only because it was a norm, like when you go to formal parties and you need to look "presentable". That's the first time I fell in love with it. I love the way it boost my confidence, I love the way it made me feel about myself, like I was finally pretty. I love the compliments I got whenever I wore makeup.

But now, idk if it was the wisest choice I made.

Because now, I can't even go out without wearing a full-face makeup. But whenever I need to go out fast and don't have the time to wore makeup, or even going to the store near my house, I would wear a mask to conceal my face. I felt even more insecure with my own face. Especially when you had insomnia like me that made the panda eyes I got even worse.

If you ask me if I still love makeup I do, but sometimes I wonder if my relationship with makeup is healthy or not.

I hate myself for not standing up for myself.

I hate myself because I felt bad too easily.

I hate myself for not seeing what other people see.

I hate myself for being jealous of other people's life.

I hate myself for not feeling grateful of things that I have now.

I hate myself for being two-faced.

I hate myself for not feeling the love others give me.

I hate myself for being selfish.

I hate myself for not feeling enough.

I hate myself for not getting better.

I just hate myself for being myself.

friendships that fluctuate between really stupid weird flippant jokes and earnest vulnerability and deep affection make life so much richer

Aladdin (2019)

❝ loving you feels like a tide, it’s overwhelming yet it’s beautiful ❞

happy birthday serena, @youngwholock  ♡ ♡