Sams Advice #1

Sam’s Advice #1

Alright, so apparently there are people in the world whom need some advice, and decided that it’d be a good idea to come to me. But I suppose that I’ll grace you all with my wisdom. First letter I’ve got here is from Anonymous:

Dear advice columnist (that is really just fucking Sam),

I've known this guy for quite a while now and I really like him, I just feel like we never have the right time or moment for me to make a move of some sort. Also sometimes he acts strangely, as if he doesn't know me all that well. What can I do to become closer to him and see if he likes me?

Well, Ro- I mean “Anonymous,” I’m going to take a guess and say that you both know each other pretty well already. So really, you just need to tell Ze- the guy how you feel and figure out how he feels, you need to wait for that right moment.

Just like a writer waiting for THE RIGHT words to write something (breaking down the fourth wall and calling out the blogger), or a photographer needs THE RIGHT scenery to take a picture.

I totally get it. I mean, waiting for wind to blow the trees leaves just right, or for every strand of my model’s hair to be just right, or when I’m taking pictures at the zoo then for the animals to get in the right positions-

If I wanted for the right time to take a picture, I would be living in a box on the side of the road while other photographers, real photographers, seized all of the opportunities that I passed up in sake of waiting for perfection.

Take charge of the situation and make it the right moment, before someone else does. As much as I hate having to type out this cheesy shit, if you keep waiting for the right moment, you will become an old woman or man living alone while children are throwing eggs at your house. And making the moment right would make your confession much more memorable. For all you know, this mystery man may be acting strangely because he likes you back and is also waiting for the right moment that neither of you are willing to create.

So in short, get your head out of your ass and do something about your feelings.

This has been a session of Sam’s Advice with your favorite asshole, Samuel Raegan.

// Ask Sam for advice! But not for legitimate advice. Sam is a bit of an ass and this is solely for comedic purposes.

He removed his scarf and hung it on the coat rack. The tips of his slender fingers ran over one button and fiddled with it, and then another, until his coat joined his scarf. His eyes wandered over to the tree in the corner of the room and he admired the lights and tinsel strung around it. His eyes lingered on the star on top as he walked around the couch to get a closer view, only for his foot to bump into something.

There sat his short, fiery partner by his foot. There was ribbon tied around Brea’s wrists and ankles, and a poorly tied bow on the top of her head that could have been done by none other than Jake, his mischievous best friend. A piece of duct tape covered her mouth. Surely he must have forced some concoction on her to negate her powers, otherwise he would have found Jake lying by his foot wrapped in gauze.

Despite the demon’s lack of mobility, she still thrashed this way and that, and her face was turning as red as the bow on her head. Alex let out a low chuckle and knelt in front of her. As he started to reach out for the bow, he saw a small card tucked in her shirt pocket. Alex pulled it out and recognized his best friend’s hand-writing.

No return policy.

Holiday Prompts

I was going to hold off on posting these, but then I realised Hanukkah has already started so I figured I’d better hop to it!

The protagonist’s best friend is taken aback by some of their family’s unconventional holiday traditions

What is your character’s favourite part of the holidays?

“No school! Now I will have time to build my reactor!”

Your protagonists’ one wish for the holiday season

The best present anybody has ever given in the history of planet earth

Talking holiday food

A spell is cast that causes your character to sing holiday songs nonstop

“No return policy.“

"Eliot, kicking, screaming and crying as an infant don't count."

“I swear I used to have ways to express my feelings that weren’t passive aggression and sarcasm.”

“Oh, my. Even I’m not that kinky.” He pulled his hands out of the pockets of his coat and started creeping in her direction.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” As he continued to get closer, she tried to yank her arms from the chair, but the rope was too tight. She froze as soon as she felt the back of his fingers brush against her cheek.

“Regardless, Evelyn, I told you that you would be thinking of me.”

“You’ve been on my mind mind a lot.” Seeing a smile blossom on his mouth, she continued. “Usually covered in blood and screaming. It puts me to sleep at night.”

Re-blog if you can write in cursive.

I heard cursive is dying. I want to see who still uses it.

@tfw-all-good-usernames-are-taken drew Alex and Brea. Some more of my precious babies!