I Dream Of Soft PetalsNestled Between My Lips.I Kiss This FlowerAnd My Desire Is Aroused.So I Drink Its

“I dream of soft petals Nestled between my lips. I kiss this flower And my desire is aroused. So I drink its evening dew. Linger, over its tender bud. I whisper its names "Beautiful Wonder. Entrancing Gem.” The earth moves And I move with it. The wind whispers my name; Indecipherable moans. Growing intensity, The ocean crashs over the shore. Passion’s storm it rages on As the gods take up their songs.

Release! The storm breaks. All is quiet Except for the dying breezes. Tingling bodies. Spent souls. Minds descending Into profound Sleep.

Deeper dreams now Of my Goddess in my arms. Her breathing is my lulaby And the aroma of her hair My purest delight. I could not get away If that was my longing. I am bound to this being Who’s life leaves me In an altered state of mind.

My fingers trace her lovely features. Memorizing the elegant subtleties Of her regal face. Within these eyes I witness everything. All past Present And future. Heaven Hell and Earth. Her thoughts are my beliefs. Her nature my calling. She is the embodiment of all That I stand for. When she smiles I die in ecstasy. Her laugh has become My absolute drug. I grow intoxicated on her presence And joyful at her side. Her perfection has conquered me. I am moved to do anything for Her. I’ll fall down Or stand. What ever it takes to raise her up. High and beautiful Over all of creation. Everlasting Goddess Eternal to eternal.“

- Andrew

What Heaven was like

“Have you ever hoped Against the universe? I have. Set myself against the gates of heaven Just so I could see The beauty held inside.

There is a sight And it haunts my mind. Everything else seems lessened now. Robbed of what made it lovely. Heading back towards my station I find it’s getting harder To settle for less. All I want is what I saw. All I can think about Is that vision of paradise.

Warm to the touch. Fragrant aroma in the evening. I went into that sacred grove And raised my voice of praise. I worshiped the high tower; That citadel topped with golden splendor. Which housing the spheres Of stars and lights Provides everlasting visions To entrapture my mind. I sang songs about the mountains. Those peeks which stretch Searching for the touch of the sky. I gushed rivers over their valleys And the plains that lie at their bases. Lost myself in the view From down south. Gazing northward From within the flourishing glade. Drinking of the healing springs And dancing into the night.

I am haunted by the sounds Of the whispering wind. Those teasing thoughts And desirable ideas. Catching me by surprise I was taken up in the storm. Undone by the wonder of it all I could not create a thought. My soul was enslaved And my life has been destroyed.

Sitting on the outside of heaven I keep staring. Hoping Praying That I’ll be let back in. Banging on the doors. Whispering sweet nothings. I sit and I wait Unable to breach the gates.”

- Andrew

Bourbon Street

They are raising up pure praise These children of my night. They are not lying. They are not mourning. They are completely free In this moment. Holy In the presence of themselves. I am happy in these beings. Watching them. Feeling them as their souls fly. I am covered in their lives. Soaked through To my core. - Andrew

“I looked and I wondered ‘what are all of these lives?’. So I climbed down so I could sit on the ground, just to get a better view of all of these lives. Hell is worth it if I can understand what you are going through. All of my pain somehow gaining significance in my being able to relate. I may not have been able to get through without scars, but I am alive now, and I have understanding. Broken over and over. Ripped apart and shredded till I had nothing left to analyze. Sifted through like sand till only I remained. Frightened and shaking, naked before myself. I have seen you too, cold and alone. Going through fires all your own. Wishing I could somehow fix it. Change it by some divine means. But I in my trials would not allow anyone to come near. How can I expect another God to do it differently? I have learned that each has strength. They don’t need me. You will save yourself, and you will love yourself. You and you alone will be your holy rescuer. No one needs someone else to overcome their battles. No savior to take away their right of making it through life. Hell is mine and Heaven is mine. I earned them both as I lived in the flames. Always seeemed as if I was being dragged through, one after another, and no one could ever understand. Here I am, alive in myself. Persons and spirits holding places along the way, but I, I alone was there for it all. I drowned myself beneath the waves of self loathing until I was suddenly gliding over streams of self love. You are all you need, and the only one who will ever fully know what pain and pleasures you have felt. You are the God of your life, and your forgiveness is the only redemption you require.”

- Andrew

Confession

"I have left so many people in my wake. I convinced them that I loved them And earned their trust. Many have come to depend on me Only to have me grow bored And turn my back on them. In the moment I appear so earnest But only so I can get what I need. A master manipulator Playing the sickest games. No one can see through My perfect disguises. Characters whose faces I wear Catered for every individual. I seduce you with words. Convince you of lies. I create the world around you And then warp your perception. I can make anything true If I control the environment. I bend reality And no one sees me doing it. All that I do Is towards a certain end. I am so good at it. No one can figure it out. People refuse to believe That they could be so lied to. They'll live out their days Forever thinking of me fondly. I am Andrew And everyone who knows me Loves me. I have used so many people And every one of them thinks That they are special to me. I have convinced them all With false sincerity. How do I do it? By believing in my own lies In their times. Why do I do it? Because I like it. There is something that I want. If you weigh what I have done It measures out To the value of my soul. I have manipulated you from the start. Everything I have done Has been for a reason. I convinced you of my innocence But even now I am still manipulating You..." - Andrew

"Is it wrong to want you so badly? To find myself Beginning to need you? I can't stop thinking about it, The curve of your back. Following it with my eyes Followed by my fingers. I search for the answers Which have haunted me All the days of my life. Looking for the truth in your skin As if it conceals the secret To saving my soul. I sink into the ocean of your body, Drowning beneath your waves. I dive in again and again Losing my every sense As you fill my lungs. If this is what dying feels like I wish I'd given in Long ago. Just, surendered to the power Of your presence covering me. Sitting alone Or in a crowd You are in my thoughts. From when I wake To when I sleep. Even In my dreams." - Andrew