I Didn't Fucking Romanticize You, I Saw You For Who You Were, And Loved You All The Same

I didn't fucking romanticize you, I saw you for who you were, and loved you all the same

"I want to break things. Everything that I own. Dissapear into the night And never be heard from again. I am playing an impossible game One in which I always pick The wrong choice. This has been my entire life And it is getting old. I hate it all. You somehow find a way to control Every aspect of this trial. I try to find a path that let's me win But you keep stealing those away from me. If I leave it is because you told me to. If I stay That too is a command. All I am is a slave One who keeps falling for you Every time I try to make a break for it. You take my words And you tell me they mean nothing. You spout on about your heart But then have the nerve To tell me that mine is wrong. You leave me nothing. You want me to hurt you Because that is what you believe You deserve. I am a multi purpose tool, For pleasure and pain. I am the one person who loves you Who will not hurt you And therefore I am the one person You wish to see break. You want to be able to say "Ha! I told you! No one can love me! I told you so!" I hate it I hate It I hAte I HATE IT!!! This is not fair! I want to love you But all you want is for me to be like all the rest. I was a unique creature But you wanted me to be like them. Every disgusting creature Who only ever wanted to use you. You want to hate yourself so much That you would rip me apart. Even now I am shredding my own heart Writing this. I am swallowed up by insanity, And all I want is oblivion. I love you And you have literally turned this In to a sin." - Andrew

"He watches her, A fading ghost Dissipating over an ocean. The sun is running away And eyes are beginning to close. Sleeping entity Trying to forget That they exist." - Andrew

"Out of the blue I'm hit And I am experiencing A fiery crash. Taken off guard I truly did not see this coming, But isn't that How it always comes? Silently in the night When you least expect it? Soaring through heaven Hell suddenly erupts Dragging you down. Flailing you grope for anything Just trying to find a foothold In order to stop your descent. You are afraid of the depths You know you can go to And everything in you Is wanting to fight. Unfortunately Everything in you Wants to give up. To stop flapping your wings And give in to the sleep. Here you are again Rolling in the pit of your own soul. How many times have you been here? A familiarity That hurts you more than the start." - Andrew

Why I Laugh

"Because I get the joke. I see this pattern In everything. I read it in a book That no one understands. From there I see it in the world, Existence, And now my life. Patterns that are infinitely displayed. I see what is happening. It has happened before. My heart is shutting down. My body is going back on auto pilot. My mind is once again caught up In the constructs; Living themes. Programed responses. Tired. Waiting to wake up again From my philosopher's sleep. To walk the world once more With the hope that then It will be different. That then will be the time And they will understand. Unobserved I walk half-consciously. No one ever understanding Who is walking by." - Andrew

"I'm restless Need to create something Pour my being out Onto a page" - Andrew

"Have you ever thought about addiction? Wondered what it was like? Her name is desire And she tastes of paradise."