The Urge To Create This Angst Returns. Perhaps Because I've Been Planning An Extremely Angsty One Shot

The urge to create this angst returns. Perhaps because I've been planning an extremely angsty one shot with Briar?

I wish to begin something here: my favourite flavour of angst moments. Whenever I'm struck by a tragic moment, I'll record it here. So enjoy that! For as long as it might last.

Tonight's is any form of separation of the QPR*, Tora and her QPP**. I have written about it before, to some degree, but tonight it's just striking me. Take that as you will

*quasiplatonic relationship. If you don't know about that, feel free to ask me! I'll try to educate

**quasiplatonic partner

Oh, and hey @pagesofcursive this has one of your babis, so you might be interested

Watch "Out Of The Locker (CalArts Film 2018)" on YouTube

I love watching cute short films, and this one really reminded me of Zach!

Comedic scene in the most recent AU @pagesofcursive and I are working on (VH and everyone else)

Even if it's because of spite, live another day

Summary: Another one of my OCs tries to comfort Anabella. Does it go well? You'll have to read and see. A couple of things to note! This is set in the Fusion AU (explanation here). Fera is an empath and also has pathokinesis that primarily comes into play when she's overwhelmed, it's not something she controls; she only deals in negative emotions, so life is kinda tough. She is the sunshine I referred to in the tags the other day.

"Bella?"

"Oh, hey Fera." Anabella hastily wiped the tears from her cheeks. She was sitting on a plush mini sofa in the back corner of the library. She took an obvious, shaky breath, trying to compose herself enough to be presentable to others. Hatred from breaking down oozed from her. Fera, who had felt the concentration of the potent emotions from half the library away cocked her head, trying to get a better read on the distressed girl in front of her.

"You're not okay. But you will be," Fera's statement was decisive, as strange as it was.

Bella's forehead crinkled as she considered the brighter girl's words, "Excuse me?"

Fera shrugged, "I'm an empath that helps the school counselor. I know these things, even if I don't want to sometimes."

“Huh. How has your day been?” clearly in uncomfortable territory, Bella attempted to redirect the conversation.

Fera recognized what she was doing, but decided to play along, "Pretty good. We got some seeds that came in for gardening club, and I had a quiz that I think I did okay on. What about you?"

Bella swallowed before replying, carefully monitoring her tone, "Good enough. I had some spare time in study hall to work on a side project that I submitted to a local expo last week for approval." Her voice was low with scattered pauses as she attempted to regain control.

"Have you gotten the results back yet?" sensing she was nearing a part of the issue by emotional surges, she pushed on.

"Yes," Bella's voice was small and thick with unshed tears. She cleared her throat, composing herself again. "I found out about an hour ago. I didn't make it."

"Are you okay with that?" Fera prodded.

Bella's voice shook, "I'm fine." She grew angry at her lack of control.

Fera hid a smirk. As awful as it was, and as unpleasant as it was to battle someone else's inner turmoil, she found some satisfaction in helping people with their problems. Like weeding out a garden, so the nicer plants could grow. "I'll repeat what I said earlier: it's okay not to be okay. And eventually the un okayness will pass." Bella wrinkled her nose at the grammatic fault.

"And you're sure?" Bella's skepticism of Fera was palpable as she eyed her.

"Pretty sure," Fera shrugged again. "Statistically, you know it's true. And I've seen it myself. You'll feel better eventually."

Bella mumbled incoherently against her knees, which were pulled against her chest.

Fera squished in beside her, resting a comforting hand on Bella's back. She silently grimaced as she sensed the broken ball's emotions turn for the worse. Her hand rose and fell on the back beneath her palm.

Bella snapped up, throwing Fera's arm back. "But what if I'm never going to feel better?! People keep saying I will be, but I'm not okay. I don't have a social life -" She cut off Fera as her mouth opened to protest, "It's faked. Any success you see is because of study. No one else studies to talk to their peers. NO ONE SAYS PEERS IN A CASUAL ENVIRONMENT!!” Her fury died down the minute it started, like a raging waterfall collapsing into a slow-moving trickle. “I just… I wish I was normal.” She collapsed into Fera’s embrace, her shoulders shaking with silent tears. Fera ran her fingers through the chestnut brown ringlets cascading just past the jacket-clad shoulders.

Fera started reciting a version of the words she’d heard so many times sitting in, or sitting in on a counselor session, “It’s okay not to be okay. But it’s also okay to ask for help.” A fresh wave of melancholy washed over her as Bella heaved a choked up sigh. “It’s okay to not be perfect, and no one will hate you for that. Talk to one of us before you have another breakdown like this, okay?” She felt the flow of fear and anxiety slow. Going with a hunch, she continued with her soft words, “Repressing your emotions isn’t helpful.” Nothing. The deep well of emotions coming from Bella disappeared. The void was disconcerting. She could almost feel the rumble of deep, uncontrolled discontentment. “It may seem helpful in the moment, but it’s not healthy.” A flash of melancholy broke though, quieted almost immediately. Slowly, Bella rose. Her eyes were still puffy with tears, but she had an expression of measured calm on her face.

“Thank you,” she said simply. “I’ll try to keep that in mind.” Her voice was rough from the tears, and she felt her emotional wall slipping, but she pushed past, denying it. Her footsteps echoed through the nearly empty library as she walked towards the exit. As the sun hit her, she almost believed the calm and content façade she kept up. Almost. She’d have to talk to Fera again. Sometime. Someday when she had time to dedicate to more trivial things in life, like emotions. Someday.

Character Question 22

When they were a child, what was something you were never sure of?

Zach: He knew his father was never guaranteed to come home. It always worried him when his dad was late home. His father always took the missions that had the greatest payoff - they got quite risky. He has had many sleepless nights waiting for his father. It left him a wreck the next day, and he would beg his father to stay from school; not to catch up on sleep, but to catch up with his father and learn about his experience in the field.

Freddie: Affection, for sure. He may not have been aware of it, but he always had to test the waters when his parents came home - they didn't always have time for him and could be quite snippy towards him. It was very rare that they would spend quality time with him. There was a time when they worked on their own with him on most days, but that slipped into memory as their jobs became more demanding.

Bella: As much time as she spent crafting her charismatic facade, she always doubted its integrity. She was always afraid someone would see through it to what she saw as her boring opinions or she'd let it slip in someone with a lot of connections that would spread the truth about her social eloquence. (Luckily, she had a stable home, but she doubted her social, public life constantly without reason, in most people's opinions)