apocalypsewriters - i think i’m lost
i think i’m lost

writeblr | they/them | collecting “a”s - aussie adhd aro ace aspiring author | 19

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"what's Your Favourite Music Genre" Horrible Histories Songs

"what's your favourite music genre" Horrible Histories songs

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More Posts from Apocalypsewriters

2 years ago

12 days of writer self love day 3: repulsed

I know, I know it’s late and out of order, but I’m kind of okay with that. At least it’s here. I really like this piece. I think I almost imagined myself in this situation if I hadn’t found out about my orientation when I did, or if my attraction turned out slightly different

It was an alien and unexpected feeling when it happened the first time. Bendis thought it was attraction, but when the other boy went to kiss him, his initial reaction was to pull away. The other boy, the baker’s son, Francesco, mirrored his action, his eyebrows knitting together in concern.

“Are you okay?” Francesco asked, rubbing the back of Ben’s hand with his thumb.

Ben’s hand went tense under the contact, then relaxed somewhat stiffly. He nodded, swallowed once, then leaned in. “Fine. I’m fine,” they reassured, voice shaking. Francesco pretended not to notice. “Now what were we doing?”

As they kissed, Ben tried not to squirm at the contact and the sheer amount of fluids being exchanged. That night, he lay in a resting patch of his garden and shoveled dirt onto himself as he fell asleep watching the stars.

The next time it happened, they again tried to stifle their reaction. The bard was charismatic and patient, and frankly very good-looking. They’d laughed and joked together for hours, Ben lamenting his lost potential at a similar career path. Ben had even taken a day away from the apothecary to spend time with them.

“It was a pleasure getting to know you, Du Kahoari,” they said, as they raised Ben’s hand to their mouth and pressed a kiss on it.

Ben retracted his hand as calmly as possible, resisting the urge to wipe it on his skirt. Similarly, they hid the tremor in their voice. “Likewise. I wish you happy travels.”

The bard bowed, and as soon as Ben was out of their line of sight, he ran back to the apothecary to wash his hand.

The time after that it wasn’t even happening. It had been a months-long relationship with Sonya the blacksmith’s daughter, so it was bound to come up in conversation. She sat them down on the haybales behind her mother’s shop, taking their hands in her own.

“So, we’ve been together for a while,” she said, pausing to wait for Ben to nod. “So I think it’s time to talk about…”

Ben’s eyes glazed over. His hands went clammy and he pulled back. They tucked their knees against their chest. His breaths came in small bursts. “Say… say that again?”

“...? That’s what I feel like we should talk about,” Sonya said, cautiously now. She shuffled around to face him, careful not to brush their skin.

Swallowing hard, Ben opened his mouth, shut it. His adams apple bobbed again. “I don’t think I’m ready to talk about that,” he managed.

“Okay, that’s okay,” Sonya said, words rushed. “We can take as long as we need.”

Under his breath, Ben asked, “Is this what you want from a relationship?”

Sonya was caught off-guard and stopped moving towards Ben. “I- I think so?”

“Then I don’t think I can be with you,” choked Ben.

“Oh, um,” she stalled. “Are you sure?”

Ben hid his face in his knees. “No,” he said. “I’m not. And if you ask me again, I’ll do it. I’ll say yes. Because it’s what you’re supposed to do, right?”

“Can I touch you?” Ben’s head snapped up at Sonya’s words. He nodded. She placed her hand on their back and rubbed circles into it. “There’s no ‘supposed to’ in any relationship. Relationships are whatever you make of them And if two people want different things, they can compromise. Sometimes that means they keep going as they are. Sometimes that means doing things differently. No one knows what they’re doing all the time. But if you think we don’t work, then we don’t work. That’s okay. I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. Okay?”

Ben nodded into his knees.

“Do you need space?”

They nodded again.

“Alright,” Sonya said, groaning as she stretched out of the haystack, pulling a few pieces of straw from where they stuck into her skirt. “I’ll be in my mother’s shop if you need me. And for what it’s worth, these last few months were amazing. I hope they were for you too.”

Shoulders curling inwards, Ben couldn’t bring themself to reply. All his partners, fleeting or long-lasting, affectionate and timid, had been so wonderful. There was no reason for him to feel like this. But he did, and it ate him up inside. They rolled over and screamed into the straw, trying to free himself of the fundamentally wrong feeling inside him.


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2 years ago

Ahhh! This is so cool!


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2 years ago

Anyway if you see this you have to reblog and tag with a delight from ur day -- even the littlest thing counts


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2 years ago

12 days of writers self love day 6: clothing

This serves two purposes: I am getting to sleep at a decent time, and I’m promoting these two cuties. I love their dynamic to pieces, and it’s nice to look back and reflect on what I’d do differently now.

April Prompts Day 3 - pastel

Featuring: Nala, Fera and Vera (@pagesofcursive character)

"I just don't know what to get." Nala paced nervously in the open plaza.

"I'm sure you can think of something," Vera's voice was tinny over the phone.

Nala groaned and sat down on a plastic bench facing a pathetic fountain, "I'm sure I could, but it's just… I don't know. Pressure? I want to impress her. It's just our anniversary, and I'm sure she has something amazing and-"

Vera interrupted with a chuckle, "I'm sure she definitely does. Hey, Fae!" she yelled away from the phone. A distant "yeah?" was heard in the background. Vera continued, "Have you got something for your and Nala's anniversary tomorrow?"

Nala heard stomping approach the phone and her heart fluttered in anticipation. "Not yet," she melted at Fera's severe tone. She was super cute most of the time, but when she was ticked she had had a lot of steam to blow off. "But I'm coming up with something. Besides," Nala could almost hear her glare at her twin, "why is it your business? I appreciate the concern, but you have your own relationship."

"Oh, no reason," humor was obvious in Vera's voice. "You see? Nothing to worry about, Nala."

"Wait, you're on the phone with Nala?" Fera's voice softened, but grew louder as she approached the phone. Nala let out an uncharacteristic squeak and hung up the phone, not ready to be confronted by a potentially judgemental girlfriend. She was probably overreacting, probably overthinking, and probably blowing it out of proportion. She took a breath. Calm. Steady. Rational. Ready to make a choice. Well, maybe not that far.

She heaved herself off the tacky green bench and meandered towards the shopping centre. A pair of basketball shoes caught her eye in a sports store window, but she stayed strong and kept moving. Maybe she could get Fera clothes? Was that too simple? She always did well with bright colours and pastels, right? That seemed too easy. But it was still better than nothing. Sighing heavily, she turned into the shop.

Half an hour later, she drooped out, empty handed. She had a dozen photos of ideas she came up with inside, but none of them seemed right. A tie dye shirt, lavender overalls, a pack of rainbow socks that would've been absolutely adorable, a baby blue circle skirt and a couple of other options for good measure. They all seemed too simple alone, but too busy together.

They twisted their mouth as they wracked their brain for more ideas. Wait. An orchid! Fera has been telling her about them for weeks. Her flower garden was flourishing, but she was missing an orchid from her patch. She beelined to the hardware store at the edge of the mall, which had a greenhouse next to it. She fought through hoards of people before squeezing into the shop. Five minutes later, she triumphantly strode out, a thigh high orchid in arm. It was gorgeous, even for someone who wasn't well versed in flowers. The centre petals had pale purple streaks, and the backing petals were a precious pastel pink. She did end up with something pastel after all. Should she get the socks? Would that go with the flowers? She decided to consult Vera again. She walked to her car and delicately placed the flowers on the bonnet and snapped a photo.

Nala: what do you think

Vera: really? You couldn't think of anything else

Nala: nice to know how much you think of me

Vera: it's my baby sister, what do you expect?

Vera: but it's a cute gift. i think she'll love it.

Nala: thabks

Nala: *thanks

Nala opened the passenger door and put the flower on the seat. Briefly contemplating, she pulled the seatbelt down to secure it. It might be silly, and possibly ineffective, but on the off chance it worked, it was worth the slight degredation. Nala slid over the bonnet to the other side and flung herself into the driver's seat. The pale petals caught the corner of her eye and she grinned giddily, imagining the look on her girlfriend's face when she'd see them.


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2 years ago

a rival most vial snippet I’m enjoying as I proofread:

“What’s all this about a commission breakthrough?” Sherry asked Eli. But Eli had his eyes on Ambrose—robes shed, ink cleared off his face, a tiny bounce in his step. The bounce was hardly visible, except for when he passed the glowing crystals lining the walkway. But after Eli noticed it, he couldn’t not stare at him. At his perked ears, then his tapered waist, his long legs…

Eli determined that Ambrose should have scientific breakthroughs more often.

oh, eli.


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