What Is Cold?

What is Cold?

Cold is that creeping sensation along your spine

That worms its way in your bones and your nerves, 

And begins to eat you both inside and out. 

Cold is that numbness in your limbs, 

But it’s also that burning pain 

In your fingertips 

Cold is that breeze blowing through your hair 

When it's far too hot in the car 

And you need to escape into the air

Cold is that second feeling of snow 

After you get over the initial softness 

And it melts in your palms 

Cold is that blue and white color 

Anything you can see when wintertime has arrived 

And the warmer tones are gone 

Cold is that thing that caresses your outsides, 

When you’re all curled up, 

Trying to protect that internal heat

Cold is that nothing you see 

When you look down the highway at night, 

No lights, no stars anymore,

Cold is that familiar absence of warmth. 

If you think about it, clowns are a temporary solution to a permanent problem

What is Cold sketch. I'm planning on painting this later if I can figure that out

The Hole I Find Myself In

It feels like my sanity 

Is leaking out of my head

Like blood dripping out of my nose

I don’t think things were ever really just alright 

And all I know is that I’m unhappy where I am

But I don’t know where to go or how to get there

And I’m so mad because everyone is leaving

And forgetting about me 

And moving on with their lives

But I can’t move on 

Because I have this tendency to hold on too tight

And it’s killing me more than I’m killing myself 

Although I know I’m the one doing it

I’m loading the gun and pulling the trigger 

I just want to stop but I don’t know how 

I don’t know how to be okay 

I don’t know how to be happy or fine 

I don’t know how to be proper and whatever fucked up thing is normal 

I don’t want to be this kind of person anymore

I don’t want to be this way anymore

But no matter how hard I work, things don’t really change 

And I’m stuck in this hole 

That I know I dug 

But I couldn’t see myself getting deeper 

I know I’ll never really be out of it 

But how many times can someone just throw down dirt 

Before I get buried alive? 

The Darkroom - Blackout

I am immediately greeted by the empty eyes of a familiar corpse

I don’t remember much but I remember enough.

monsters are different from men. I hope they aren’t worse.

It is dangerous, but I have faith He will protect me, just like he always has,

We live together, we die together.

death surrounds me. I was hoping to never feel this alone again

I learned the hard way, I have to watch my own back here.

in this death trap, I hope I don’t add to the rotting corpses that roam these rooms.

Some might say it’s a gift from God, or whatever twisted creature likes to call itself by the title.

the dead fade

Perhaps I’m getting better after all.

foolish of me to think I’ll be able to forget.

I never want to hear those screams again.

Journal Entry 10/28 - Blackout (Disaster Magic)

I am useless disaster-magic.

Useless.

What is the point of learning all these things when I am just as weak as a fake, puppeted illusion controlled by the real demons

Am I reduced to the background, overshadowed by My weakness

I’m afraid that may be my permanent truth.