4 AM (Part 2)

4 AM (Part 2)

I stay awake through the night, Because those are the quiet moments, Where there are no fears, Or expectations.

The day holds those, Those fears, Those poor choices, Those terrible reasons.

I wake up before the sun rises, And stare at the ceiling, Contemplating how it will all go. Will the day be kind?

Some nights I stare at those stars, And think of going past them, Into the day, Into the sun,

Then I remember why I’m not asleep.

I get out of bed, And brush my hair, As I stare at myself in the mirror, Will I be kind?

On the drive home, I glance at the moon, And smile at the man that sits in it. It may be cold, but I’m never alone.

I put on my shoes, And look at the door, Still contemplating staying, Will those thoughts be kind?

Some nights, As I stare at the ceiling, Same as I do in the day, I wonder if I can outrun my mind.

I wonder if I can outrun those fears, Those self-imposed expectations, Those cruel self-directed words, That cold that radiates from inside.

Maybe I stay awake, So late into the night, Because it’s the only time, The rest of my mind is asleep.

You Make Me Fucking Miserable

You make my heart ache

You make me want to cry 

You make me want to scream To travel thousands of miles just to have you look at what you’ve done to me

Why do you have so much power over me? 

What is it about you where I have to give you everything? 

Half a decade of mental torment 

What is it about you that makes me want to stay? 

What is that saying? 

“Play with fire and you’re going to get burned” 

You're a wildfire

Beautiful to look at 

Painful to be around 

I love our conversations 

I love the way you talk about me when I’m not around 

I love that you still give me butterflies 

But you make me fucking miserable

Yo, weird change of pace

All my witch buds out there, make yourself some freakin' lemon and salt water. It is good for nearly every protection and warding thing out there.

3 parts lemon juice

1 part salt

1 part water

Get one of them egg brush things, put in doorways, put it on windowsills, put in on mirrors, fridges, ovens, microwaves, literally anything (not plants though, not too much a fan of the salt). Soak things in it (wooden things are great for it!), bless your jewelry with it (make sure they can handle the acidity first though), clean your freaking floors with it! It's all purpose, baby!

Can you even deal? 'Cause I cant!

Photo Story Prompt. 

Source: http://themetapicture.com/these-pictures-are-what-dreams-are-made-of/

I Fear the Day  I know I’m getting older, it’s a fact of life. Maybe one day they will replace me with something new, but I’m not sure of how they will be. Perhaps one day they will replace me with something younger, more agile, more lively. Something that will be able to do my job better than me, but not for nearly as long. I have to keep him safe. He is so small, too small. I know he will get bigger, as all things do, but I fear that I will not be around for those days. On bad days, I can’t keep up with him. I was fast, once, but now that my joints ache and fail, I know if he runs too far, I won’t be able to protect him. On cold winter days, I know most other things are sleeping. Maybe that’s when he’s safest, when I, along with most other things, are too cold and tired to do anything. But, this is when he is a danger to himself. He is uncoordinated, and I fear that he will slip and fall into the frozen-over pond, crack the ice, and drown. How will I help him then? I am too big and heavy to follow him out there, and the cold hurts me so. Yet, whenever he toddles to the door, hat, mittens, scarf and all, I still rise and follow him out there into the snow. Maybe I don’t give his mother enough credit. She is still strong and I can’t possibly keep up with her now. Maybe she won’t replace me with something new, but simply herself. Maybe she will do a better job than I ever could. I know she will outlast me. I hope she will keep him safe after I am gone. I’m so tired, I should go to sleep, but I can’t bring myself to take my eyes off him. He is my responsibility, and I fear the day I can no longer open my eyes and watch over him. I know that day will come soon, so I must do my best while I still can. I know I will be gone soon, yet, he keeps me going. I wish him the best of luck when I’m gone, and to stay away from the water that causes me such grief. 

Thinking about keeping an online dream journal. Only trouble is, I dont usually remember my dreams.

4 AM (Pt. 2)

I stay awake through the night, Because those are the quiet moments, Where there are no fears, Or expectations.

The day holds those, Those fears, Those poor choices, Those terrible reasons.

I wake up before the sun rises, And stare at the ceiling, Contemplating how it will all go. Will the day be kind?

Some nights I stare at those stars, And think of going past them, Into the day, Into the sun,

Then I remember why I’m not asleep.

I get out of bed, And brush my hair, As I stare at myself in the mirror, Will I be kind?