Applesforthis - You Can't Get There From Here

I'm thinking a lot about the subject of racism and fandom recently because I'm about to publish a fic that's written from the perspective of a character of color and I'm white. I feel a lot of caution around that and I want to explicitly invite any BIPOC readers to let me know how my fic lands with you. Your experiences in particular of it are really important to me. <3 (I'm planning to post in about a week, leaving this here in case any readers look me up after/while reading)

Shout out to all the Black ppl that can no longer participate directly in the fandom they love because of the stresses of racism 👍🏾 you contain multitudes of value and I'm sorry that the color of your skin and the power of your voice makes people not want to acknowledge that.

Deadloch-specific ask if you’re keen to play! No worries if not.

1. Favourite episode?

2. Favourite scene?

3. Favourite quote?

4. Favourite joke or bit?

5. Favourite character?

💕💕💕

EEEEEEEEE I will gladly squeal about my show. Thanks for the ask! <3

Fave episode:

Hard question! In some ways Deadloch feels more like a movie to me than like a series, I forget where one episode ends and the next begins.

Probably E6. I loved how Abby acts while poisoned, and I loved her breaking up with James. I loved Eddie continuing to care about Dulcie: how protective Eddie gets, how concerned Eddie is when Dulcie is obviously really not okay (during/after the confrontation with Skye, and during their boat ride). I loved Dulcie acting...a bit more casual, with Abby; I loved their dialogue on the island ("James said I was out of my mind." "You are not, Abby, you are entirely in your mind"). I loved Holly Austin's performance as Skye, her anger and hurt when she's being questioned.

And I LOVED Cath and Dulcie's fight, and how it feels like we finally see both of them clearly, we finally understand why they each are the way they are at this point in their lives. We see how deeply miserable and frustrated Dulcie is in this town and in her marriage, and why she's been trying so hard to make it work anyway. We see how Cath has been in an anxious spiral for so long -- on some level, since the affair -- and we start to understand that this is how she got to this point, where she really is completely disconnected from the reality of Dulcie's job.

Also this is a bit weird but I actually loved the final scene in E6, when Dulcie finds the bobbing bodies in the lake, because the music was so beautiful and the way it was shot was weirdly so pretty and dreamlike. It's a scene about discovering corpses and it's...gorgeous? Oops?

I also just loved E8 so much because it gives us the payoff of Eddie, Dulcie and Abby truly working together, the way it always seemed they could. And because I SO DEEPLY LOVE the happy ending where Eddie and Dulcie and Cath end up together in Darwin, and I LOVE the subtext that they're in some kind of triad or throuple or vee or whatever else they might call it.

2. Fave scene:

I loved the end of E5, where we see Abby and Dulcie and Eddie each thinking alone about the murders and trying alone to solve the mystery: Abby with her arsine, Dulcie spotting the newspaper photo of Jimmy on the cross, Eddie noticing the speeding ticket Mike gave to Skye (and then the Doorbell bathroom stall graffiti). We see that each one of them is smart and is working on solving it, but that they're working separately still: Abby goes alone to the high school, to test her theory. Dulcie hasn't yet told Eddie that she suspects Skye, even though the clues are really piling up in her mind. The three of them aren't yet communicating well enough to really be a team.

I loved the way this was shown because it really had me rooting for them to realize that they'd be smarter together, that they needed to lean on each other more and communicate better and brainstorm together. This montage made me really invested in that arc, in them learning to work together.

I also loved Eddie confronting Dulcie about that, really taking her to task for it -- but then also having so much compassion and understanding about why this is hard for Dulcie, to consider one of her closest friends as a suspect. I love that Eddie really gets what a terrible situation Dulcie's in with this, and hates to see her in pain, even though Eddie's still committed to doing what's right and pursuing Skye as the most likely suspect.

3. Fave quote:

"Do you not know my name?"

4. Fave joke or bit:

How Eddie and Cath are both so nonchalant about mentioning sex, and how uncomfortable/flustered this makes Dulcie, and how Eddie immediately clocks this and leans into it harder. My favorite moment is when Cath texts Dulcie a pic of her boobs and Dulcie accidentally opens the image while at work and can't figure out how to close it again and is super flustered...and Eddie obviously sees the pic, is totally unperturbed and seems, if anything, mildly amused by Dulcie's reaction.

5. Fave character:

I can't choose between Dulcie and Eddie.

I'm most similar to Dulcie; I relate to her the most. I love her secretiveness, her shame. I love how ethical she is and I love how it shows up at work as a willingness to let minor/harmless crimes slide where possible. I love that she wants to be gentle with people, even when they're behaving badly. I love her shyness, her hesitation to be herself with people. I love the person we start to see emerging in the last few episodes and in the epilogue. I love her bravery and I love her fear.

I admire Eddie the most. Not as much during the first 3 episodes; I see them as someone who, at that time, was in too much pain to notice much else. But after that: I love their anger, how they're not too afraid to stick up for other people, and for themself. I love how loyal they are, and how protective of the people they care about. I love their rudeness and how selectively they deploy it; even though they don't seem to be taking much care with that, they really are. I love their frankness and I love how perceptive they are about people. I love their honesty and I love how ethical they are -- they break the rules sometimes but they really care about doing the right thing. And I love the way they look at Dulcie, particularly in episodes 6-8: it's so intimate. I see Eddie as someone who's extremely warm and loving, when they feel close to someone.

three years ago today, a new me was born

I've done this for years with cooking, just by myself: for example I'd point at the rice as I set it to simmer, and say "You're good to simmer for about fifteen minutes," and then I'd point at the sauce and say "You're just keeping warm on a low heat, but I need to remember to check on you in a little while and make sure you're not drying out." And then I'd turn to the vegetables I needed to chop and say, "Okay, I'm all yours." I'm so much better at keeping track of things this way.

doctors should do this, although perhaps with less yelling.