Memory - Tumblr Posts
I often forget what I want to google in the .5 seconds it takes to pick up my phone from my lap.
the autistic urge to google something when you're just about to fall asleep + the ADHD frustration of not being able to remember what it was the next day
Memory - by ME
(Batman Returns x Cats the musical)
Daily Diary Doodle - #002 - Of Forgetting
People talk about forgetting the sadness, but never the sadness of forgetting. We struggle to live for the future, because we know that the moment it's the past, it'll likely be forgotten within a day. It's dissociated into oblivion, lost to time, never to be remembered- and with the relatively high levels of aphantasia, we can't even picture it if we could.⠀ ⠀ We have to track everything we do every day, we track which Alters front, who did what, just to know that it ever even happened. We remember the plot of the big things, but so few details-- and even then, we can't trust if they were real.⠀ ⠀ It's been a sore subject lately. I record all our roleplay footage, because the moment it ends we've forgotten the majority; and this day it didn't save. I cried. I know it was a wonderful scene- a big moment for Phineas- but I'll never remember, fully, what I even did. Others get that memory, but I don't?⠀ ⠀ Photos, Videos, Physical Memories, are so important to us,⠀ because maybe then, we exist in some form of solidity.⠀
We're 28. We shouldn't have to live like this.⠀
Alistar
I've done this for years with cooking, just by myself: for example I'd point at the rice as I set it to simmer, and say "You're good to simmer for about fifteen minutes," and then I'd point at the sauce and say "You're just keeping warm on a low heat, but I need to remember to check on you in a little while and make sure you're not drying out." And then I'd turn to the vegetables I needed to chop and say, "Okay, I'm all yours." I'm so much better at keeping track of things this way.
doctors should do this, although perhaps with less yelling.
Has this been done yet ? I hope not.
“I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.” – Confucius
the curve of forgetting
the curve of forgetting describes how we retain or get of information we absorb.
day 1: you go into a lecture knowing 0% and come out knowing 100% of what you know (regardless of whether you know it extremely well or not)
day 2: you did not do any reviewing of your notes from day 1 therefore you have lost 50%-80%
and as the days progress we forget less and less
think about midterms! notice how around midterms when you’re trying to study for something (that you haven’t been reviewing for regularly) it feels like the material is VERY difficult and almost as if you’ve never learned it before
formula to reshape the curve
within 24 hours of your lecture spend 10 minutes reviewing the material
a week later: it will only take 5 minutes to REACTIVATE the same material
ultimately, you will reshape the curve
day 30: by this day your brain will only need 2-4 minutes to recall
information on the curve of forgetting was taken from the university of waterloo (x)
my formula to reshape the curve using the information above
before class: spend 10 minutes PREVIEWING the material.
after class: spend 10 minutes REVIEWING the material
do this regularly. this will be your preview/review system for each class.
a week later: try to review a week later. i know that school/life can get pretty hectic, but try to make sure you are reviewing regularly.
maybe record yourself saying some important details/concepts from your notes the night before and on your daily commute to school plug in those earphones and listen to it. i am an auditory learner and i find that listening to my notes before i go to bed and right when i wake up have truly helped me retain information. studies have shown that the best time to study is right before going to bed and right when you wake up.
a month later: after a month, review what you’ve learned so far in your class. trust me this will be a very very short review. everything will look very familiar to you and it won’t look as difficult as it used to.
basically your review schedule should be the following:
1 hour before learning the material
1 hour after learning the material (or within 24 hours of learning it b/c i know we’re all very busy people)
1 day later
1 week later
1 month later
remember everyone learns, studies, and retains information differently!! my personal belief is that your technique is what matters most. it is not about your innate ability/talent. find a technique that works for you.
more suggestions:
active learning > passive learning
when taking notes use the Cornell method. it forces you to ask questions and summarize what you’ve learned.
set frequent, short, review sessions
test yourself constantly! there are so many resources online.
people who are under stress have difficulty remembering things so CHILL OUT
don’t rush, take your time
repetition is key
practice MAKES PERFECT
group items together
fish, vitamin b12, and green tea can help w/ memory
don’t give up. like morrissey said “these things take time.”
Memory- How to remember better
1. Mnemonics (1 video) 2. Concept/Mind Maps (2 videos) 3. Memory Palaces (Method of Loci)(3 videos) 4. Peg System(1 video) 5. Link/Story Method(1 video) 6. Flash Cards (no video) 7. Acronyms & Acrostics (no video) 8. Cornell Method(1 video) 9. SQ3R Method(1 video) 10. Feynman Technique (1 video) https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbSeooH0FmZU1l11-BNjSSObUfJ2XhS1u
Me:*climbing up a tree branch to get to the actual tree
Also me:*not noticing the branch is dead until I hear an ominous crack
Me a split second later: FUC—*as I fall to the ground and bust my ass
lol, sure had a fun time afterwards(not). Had to walk the half mile home with a fucked up back and a small limp.
Just a snippet of someone's life
D-DAY beaches, France
We are walking to one of those big harbor wrecks or something. The wreck seems big and old.
"I don't think we're allowed in here.", I say. We are standing close to the 'entrance' of an overturned wreck.
"It may be dangerous, I think the sign just means: enter at your own risk ."
We still want to take a look and walk inside.
Something is different here. Time flows around us, weighs down on us. It is silent, the only thing you hear is brown noise of the space, and the water that leaves us behind in here.
"I don't think the energy in here feels nice."
"Me neither. is that blood on those walls?"
"That is rust, honey."
"Oh."
It might be rust, but that doesn't take away that everything seems to slow down here like we're traveling in time. Funeral pace. Back to the loud D-Day, burdensome, but not breathless. The silence wants to tell us something, but now it is a bit timid.
We step outside again and we're back here, now, safe.
"What if we actually traveled in time and went back for a minute?"
"I think we would have noticed."
But time is so unpredictable, it sneaks past us while we're holding onto it so tightly. Leaving only an imprint in the shape of a wreck.
Does anyone else remember something then have to figure out if it's a memory,dream, reality, something from 7 years ago or something I made up?
Is this a typical ND thing??
I wish I could have been there to see that, must've been hilarious for you to whip out the "Never Forget, Oct. 3rd" dialogue! 😂
Never forget when a nerd from my high school when I was 17 and he was 16 or so said "women can't write shonen" and then two minutes later he said his favorite anime/manga was Fullmetal Alchemist. Never forget his face when my friend and I told him to check out who the author of that manga was. Never forget
A weekend in Paradiese
This pictures will last a long long time, the sunrise from the 22. floor of the Jumeirah Hotel in Frankfurt! For some people, it is just a sunrise that happens every day but for me, it is so much more. After all the things, that happend this weekend, it feels a bit like a rebirth. It shows the same beauty the people had, that made this weekend so unique. Thank you, that all this happend to me, the memory will last forever!!
Memory
Memory was a funny thing. It was sharp and dull, vivid and unclear, true and false. It held joys and sorrows, lessons and experiences, and for some reason it held power.
Faye-Faye was drawn to it like a siren's call.
Spike-person tried to mute it though it nipped at his heels like a pack of wolves hellbent on their prey.
Jet-person went off and faced part of his - twice, in fact - and it only seemed to harden him further.
Ein never shared his memories with her, though he had to have plenty. Perhaps it was too sad to remember the beforetime when he was literally just a pup, and no doubt it was uncomfortable remembering the stretch of time where he was tested and trained and turned into something other than your average dog.
Ed's own memories were like bubbles. They'd rise up sometimes and her mind would take a pin to the rainbow shimmery surface and *POP* and then images and audio would overtake her. That was how it happened with personal memories at least. The things she learned floated about in her mind-sea much like the webpages floated about in cyberspace. She could access the contents at any time.
Facts and statistics and information retained far crisper copies than what one personally experienced. A shame, that, though probably it was for the best. The human mind wasn't exactly built to handle keeping all the information it ever encountered and processed.
But that was why humans created photographs, holographs, and videotapes. Ways to preserve life in the moment as it happened so it could be revisited with ease on a melancholy nostalgic sort of day.
And that was why Ed was so delighted by the camera. A chance to record pieces of the present to gift herself and the others in the future when they needed a reminder of the here and now.
Delirious - Adam Stanheight / Reader
Adam Faulkner sat up frantically, his body rigid and his mind reeling, his hands grasping uselessly at the edge of his confines, his hair plastered to his face, and his mouth filled with grimy water. He spluttered, trying to breath without getting water in his lungs, and his fingers fumbled inconveniently all along the edge of his restraints. Coughing, Adam hauled himself out of the tub. He was weak and fatigued, but most of all he was scared. In a few frightening moments, that seemed entirely too long, he tried pounding on the walls; first slowly then gradually getting faster with every passing second. Through the darkness, Adam could feel the freezing tile on his fingers, and the sharp sting as he slapped his palms against it. When this proved futile, Adam backed away hesitantly, spinning 'round and 'round as if trying to find something that wasn't there, and then resorted to screaming. His attempts at being heard were unavailing, but he kept at it anyway mostly for the sake of his very own sanity; if he remained silent he was sure to lose his goddamn mind.
"No one can hear you," came a sudden voice from the darkness. It sounded so dismissive; in fact it almost pissed Adam off how apathetic it appeared. "Just calm down. Are you hurt?"
Adam's mind struggled to form a single coherent thought. Between his confusion and his fear, thinking was made difficult. He stuttered over his words for a couple short seconds. "I-I-I-I don't- don't know." He looked over himself, even though he couldn't see anything. "Yeah?"
There was a faint sound of stumbling around, and then a high-pitched buzz filled the room. In an abrupt flicker the darkness was replaced with a bright yellow light. The ceiling lights had come on, and Adam groaned, shielding his eyes away from the brightness. "I couldn't find them before..." The man apologized.
When Adam could see clearly again, he glanced over at the object to his right. Immediately upon seeing the results, he wished he had been a little more thoughtful on that prospect, for keeping him grounded was a metal chain connecting him to a metal pipe protruding from the tile walls. What calmness he had left evaporated all together and once again he found himself panicking. Adam yanked and tugged but it didn't matter, he wasn't going anywhere. "Holy shit. You did this, didn't you!?"
His companion pressed himself against the wall in alarm. "I haven't done anything!" He exclaimed defensively. "But we're going to have to trust each other if we want to get out of this. I mean, clearly someone didn't want us going very far."
Adam huffed. "But what the hell did I do?"
"Apparently you did something, or you wouldn't be here. Now, what's your name?"
That's a personal question, Adam thought. Why does he want to know?
Looking the man up and down suspiciously, Faulkner muttered carefully, "My name is very fucking confused... What's YOUR name...?"
"Lawrence Gordon," Gordon answered practically.
Adam laughed. "Sounds like a doctor's name," he whispered wryly.
"I AM a doctor," Doctor Lawrence snapped.
Adam stared at him awkwardly. Neither of them spoke a word to each other for a couple of never-ending minutes, then Lawrence stood up. "Here, let me try the door."
"Why didn't you?" Adam retorted, not expecting a reply. He was aware of the fact that, with the lights off, it was impossible to see your surroundings. Lawrence ignored him, but did cast him an annoyed look, as if echoing Adam's exact thoughts. He got to his feet.
Adam watched Lawrence stretch himself along the wall, reaching for the door. It was locked, but even if wasn't, Lawrence's chain didn't stretch far enough to get him to the handle. "Well fuck," Adam uttered hopelessly.
Lawrence gave him an apologetic look, but didn't say anything to reassure him. It was then that Adam's eyes found the chainsaw resting right next to Lawrence's feet, and that's when everything changed. He started freaking out. In flashbacks he saw THAT moment replaying over and over again in his head, and he reacted violently, twisting his body and lashing out against his restraint.
The pictures burned his eyes, at least it felt like they did. With each passing second the flashbacks became more clear. He could almost feel Lawrence's pain when he cut through his flesh. Adam screamed. Agony ripped through his temples and he doubled over.
Lawrence's longing and flustered exclamations were lost on poor Adam as he writhed miserably on the tile floor in capable of regaining himself, his tormented mind struggling to cope with the memories. "Hey! I think I've found something! Pass me that tape."
Adam kicked, and flailed, but didn't hear Lawrence.
"What's wrong? Will you at least tell me your name?"
Still, Adam couldn't get the vision out of his eyes. It lingered there like a bloodstain on a white dress. It refused to put him at ease.
"Adam!" Lawrence threw his wallet at him. "Adam!" His voice was starting to blend into the buzz of the lights. "Goddamn it, Adam! What's happening?"
Faulkner tossed and turned. His heart was beating so fast in his chest he was sure it would pop at any given moment. His temperature was so high it was like he was in an oven that was set to self-destruct. His shirt and flannel were drenched in so much sweat, he could have easily been rolling around in the wet grass before arriving.
"Adam!" Lawrence threw something else at him. Was it the package of cigarettes? "Sit up! Sit up!"
Adam tried to latch onto what Lawrence was telling him, but he felt fried. His mind was so exhausted...
"Adam!" Gordon's voice was gone completely now, as well as the images that he had been seeing before. Adam was plunged straight back into darkness, and then THAT voice reached his ears. The melodic voice of his significant other.
In a frenzy, hastily and dazedly, Adam Faulkner exploded from the covers, his face burning up with fever. He was hotter than he had ever felt in his entire life. He gasped, paranoia engulfing him. His eyes darted around the room, taking in his surroundings quickly, fearfully. He was not where he expected to find himself. He was not with the person he was expecting to be with. Adrenaline pumped through him, making him fidgety, but finally he brought his attention to his partner. You were leaning over him, terror in your bright eyes.
Adam's breath slowed down audibly, once he realized where he was. You pushed him to the pillow again. You had tears on your cheeks but Adam wasn't in the mental state to be concerned about that right now. He let you adjust him on the bed, as you whispered, "You're so hot, baby. I tried to stop the fever, but... it just kept rising, and... You scared me, I thought for sure... Never mind. You were kicking and sleep talking. I don't what you said, though."
Adam stared ahead, grabbing hold of your hand. He held it so tightly you whimpered. You had to use all your strength to rip your hand out of his grasp. "What time is it?" He choked.
"Twelve AM. It's hasn't even been two hours yet."
"I... I can't go back to sleep. I need a walk." But Adam knew it was a lie. And he knew what you would say.
You stared into his face. His eyes had dark circles under them, they were bloodshot already themselves, and his skin was ghostly white. You frowned at him in dismay. Lately, he had stopped sleeping. His trauma was getting to him again, and you knew that was the only reason for it; his dreams were haunting him too much. "No, Adam," You said firmly this time. You weren't going to allow him to do this again.
Adam shook his head. "Let me. It helps."
"You are going to kill yourself one of these days," You growled, and gently held him down. You didn't want to cause him to feel trapped, that would only make things worse, but you didn't want him to get up. "You need to sleep, baby. You have a fever tonight."
"Maybe that's good?" Adam asked halfheartedly. He hadn't meant to alarm you.
You felt sick. "No." You combed your fingers through his hair. "Relax, Adam. You're going to be just fine. I know it, you know it."
Adam relaxed under his partner's soothing strokes. "I feel so cold..."
You gazed at him sadly. "A hundred and one degrees, Adam."
"Me?"
"No, the cat," You snapped sarcastically.
"Oh..."
Adam could feel himself losing himself to sleep. He was afraid of what would happen next in his dreams, but he trusted you to take care of him. Your careful caress was enough to put him back under. And as he wandered through a blurry haze of darkness, he heard your soft voice one last time. "I love you." A kiss was planted on his lips and when he started dreaming again, it was with you.
You in your favorite attire.
You with your prettiest smile.
You with your pleasant laugh.
And he leaned right into that beloved and charming kiss. All the while you stayed awake in the night, protecting him, keeping him away from his fears, and allowing your precious boyfriend to gather up on his much desired sleep.
Figmentary Feelings - Adam Stanheight / Reader
A/N Another one of Melanie Martinez’s songs, called Haunted, inspired this. Omg, I think I need help with this addiction.
Spirals spun in the walls, the air smelled smokey, the atmosphere was crisp, and the scenery was foggy. You sat in Adam’s apartment dazedly, not fully awake, and tried to solve the crossword puzzle that was displayed on your phone. You had found three words.
It had been a month since you had gotten proper sleep. Tiredness tugged at your eyes, but you kept them open. You didn’t want to sleep, but you were lucky; you couldn’t sleep - not anymore.
Adam Faulkner Stanheight was supposed to come home four weeks ago. The newspapers had announced him dead two weeks ago, but you didn’t want to believe it. Adam’s belongings were still situated in their proper places, it was as if he was still here. There couldn’t have been a way that he wasn’t ALIVE anymore. You refused to believe it.
But alas, four weeks was a long time. Adam still hadn’t come home, something that occurs when a person dies, the evidence couldn’t have been more clear.
You ignored the bright lights flashing in your eyes, or the ringing in your ears, and focused on finding the next word. It was ‘lightbulb,’ and you discovered this after about twenty failed attempts.
You put the phone in your pocket. You had a visitor coming over today. You didn’t know who it was, the landlady only said you had someone coming over. You wondered why the said ‘visitor’ hadn’t given you a heads up on their supposed arrival.
You got to your feet numbly. Immediately you spotted the black couch in the living room, and your heart sank low. You could remember when you would watch horror movies with Adam on Friday nights. You could remember when you would come home and find Adam smoking a cigarette after a shitty day ATTEMPTING to take good pictures of his clients but his camera’s lens had been dusty or misty, making it difficult. This was a common case.
There were also the moments when you would find yourselves laughing and joking with one another on the couch. Sometimes it would lead to tickling, other times it would lead to making-out. The mood decided it.
You turned harshly, hearing Adam’s voice in your ears. You flinched, but you could hear his words so clearly, so… real. You groaned in agony. “I love you.” But your words were met with silence.
You turned around and made for the kitchen, but this was also a bad idea. Adam’s presence was here, too. You could sense him standing by the oven, leaning on it with his back, and gazing at you while you tied an apron around your waist and walked over. There were many times when you would bake together. Adam had never liked cooking or baking but he seemed to have fun when he was with you.
Usually you made pies or cakes, but sometimes you would make dinner together. Those were the best nights. It was always inspired by the thought that you would play a game together. You had plenty of cards and boards in the gaming cabinet, it was more thrilling to cook dinner together first though. It helped to ripen the mood.
Right now you swore you could almost smell a baking pumpkin pie, but you knew that couldn’t be true. The oven was off, and you hadn’t gone to the store in at least two weeks.
You left the kitchen then, hurriedly, and headed for the bedroom. It was dark, and though most of your time spent here was sleeping, you still got a lot of memories. Memories you would have preferred to have left untouched. This was not because they were bad memories. In fact every memory you had with Adam was beautiful, even the bad ones, but that only spelled out the problem. You didn’t want to remember them because they were good, way too fucking good. And you couldn’t stand that.
The first thing that came to your mind was the time when you got locked out of the bedroom. The lights were off, and all you had was the sunlight shining in from the living room window. It was bright enough, but now that you thought of it, why hadn’t you turned on the lights? In the end, you ended up having to take the door off its hinges because you couldn’t find the key. But because neither of you could reach the last hinge on the top, you had to stand on Adam’s shoulders and use the screwdriver to undo it. You had felt really unsteady in that moment. The noise the door made when it fell to the floor was so loud, it was memorable. You shuttered.
You stumbled forward a little as a barrage of more images went through your mind. They were different from the last one. All of them were of Adam sitting patiently for you on the bed. Either he was sitting or laying but in some way or another there was something quite risque about his positioning. You grit your teeth hard, trying not to feel…
Well that was just it. You didn’t want to feel. You were trying not to. The statement was fine as it was, but… what you had been thinking was more like: ‘I don’t want to feel sad anymore.’
Both sentences were true.
Those weren’t the only things you recalled. You could still see Adam by the dresser as he picked out a dress for you to wear. And you could see him reaching for his camera on the bedside table.
He was staying up all night with you when you couldn’t sleep.
He was holding you tightly as you cried into his shoulder in the dark.
He was stroking your hair after a long, late, night.
He was pushing you to the mattress very dominantly - it wouldn’t have lasted very long though.
He was kissing you.
He was caressing you.
He was making you feel something, you know the kind.
And he was touching you, feeling you.
Your eyes stretched wide at the recollections. You backed away tensely, not even glancing at the master bathroom, and slammed the door closed. You were cursed to feel Adam’s hands and mouth on your body. Desperately, but failingly, you tried to ignore it.
You ran out the door, but it felt wrong. It was like Adam was still inside calling you to come back. And you clasped your hands together tightly. What the hell were you still doing here? You should have left long ago, like your therapist had told you.
You began to make moving plans. Hopefully you would be out of here by next week.
I’m sorry, Adam. I’m leaving you here. But just know that I will always love you. I would never stop. I just… need to get away from here, you thought miserably. It was about time you moved out anyway.
You got into the car and started driving. All you needed was some fresh air, and a long drive with the windows down. This was your escape.
When Adam had been with you he had always insisted on driving. But you hadn’t seen his car since he went missing. You only had yours now.
You connected your phone to the blue-tooth speaker. Your car speakers had died a long time ago, so you had bought a blue-tooth speaker. It worked well enough but it wasn’t like the car speakers, unfortunately.
You shuffled the playlist, and let it play. You didn’t have the energy to care about listening to your favorite songs first; whatever song played, played.
This was one of those times. The first song that played was a song you had forgotten about. It was Melanie Martinez’s song, “Haunted,” and you listened to it intently. Your heartbeat started hammering anxiously once you heard the lyrics again. It made you feel cold on the inside, and a little bit daunted by the real world. You wanted to crawl into your bed and feel nothing ever again.
This song was depressing! You realized it morbidly as the lyrics started.
“I could pull the sheets over my head and never get out of this bed. But what would that do?”
You rounded a corner quickly, but not too sharply.
“I avoid all mirrors ‘cause I’m scared to look into my eyes when I only see you.”
You inhaled painfully.
“It’s like you're always creeping on the walls and in my feelings. All those stories about ghosts are really true.”
You slammed on the brakes suddenly as the light changed red. You didn’t know where you were going.
“I put one foot in front of the other, in front of the other.”
You gazed around. There were people walking with their families on the sidewalks, there were cars with people laughing in them, there were stores with happy customers, there were children waiting at the bus stop together. But your life seemed so excruciatingly low right now, you didn’t even know how to comprehend it.
“Slowly, I turn every corner, turn every corner. Even when you’re nowhere in the room, I’m haunted by you.”
You tried not to relate, but the deeper meaning was too pressuring.
“I light all my candles, light all my candles. The darkness is too hard to handle, too hard to handle.”
You were losing your mind, listening to this. What the fuck, this song hit way too close to home, you needed out of here.
“Sleeping is just something I can’t do. I’m haunted by you.”
You were crying by the time the light turned green.
“I can hear your talking in the distance, your persistence is so cruel. And all your words pull at my feet and I fall back in love with you.”
Your hands trembling, you crashed them against the dashboard, thrashing and searching for the volume. You found it and twisted it violently to the right. The music got louder, and you screamed in shock. You could feel Adam’s arms around you still as you tried to breathe. Honking erupted from behind you, and other drivers started going around. You fumbled with the volume again, after your shock had worn away, and turned it off completely. That was enough for today. Now it was time to go home, and try to get some sleep.
You made a U-Turn at the intersection, and drove home in the silence. Your heart was the only sound you could hear, or even concentrate on. It was so loud you thought everyone could hear it.
Once safely inside the apartment, you grabbed a blanket, and a hot cider, and laid down on the couch. You had made it about a quarter of the way through your cider when you rested your head on the pillow. It was soft and squishy, and perfect. The spirals in your vision disappeared finally, and the atmosphere warmed up. Your mind was getting the sleep it needed at last.
Hopefully in the morning you’d be able to round the corner to the bathroom without getting lost in memory lane. That was something you had yet to accomplish, but right now you had achieved sleeping. Your therapist would be thrilled.
Love Story - Adam Stanheight / Reader
A/N Taylor Swift's Love Story inspired this one, clearly. LOL.
Adam Stanheight pulled you in, and you rested the back of your head on his shoulder, looking at the image in front of you. In the photo the sun was setting, you were in your prettiest dress, and Adam was in a tux. You both were hugging each other tightly. “You remember?” Adam asked in your ear.
“How the fuck would I forget?” You answered bluntly. “On the count of three, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“One, two, three.” You closed your eyes, and so did Adam. A younger version of yourself came into your mind.
You could still feel the wind on your skin, as you stood on the balcony in summer air. You were overlooking a raging party, the lights were dim, and everyone was dressed in ball gowns. In the back you could see Adam Faulkner walking towards you. “Hello,” he whispered.
“Hi.” You gazed up at him in awe. Adam was a nice guy, but sometimes he came off on the wrong foot. Your parents weren’t sure about him. Your father didn’t want you near him and he made that clear to Adam. “Stay away from Y/N.”
This was so disheartening to you that you started crying on the stairs, grabbing Adam’s hands and jeans, and begging him not to leave. You needed him in your life. “Please don’t go!”
Adam kissed you casually. He was so nonchalant. You wondered how he could be so calm all the time. “I’m not gonna leave you,” he assured you and tipped his head to the side. “Why would I do that?”
You stood up and pulled Adam closer. “Adam, take me somewhere we can be alone. I’ll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run. You’ll be the prince, and I’ll be the princess.”
Adam smiled in amusement. “It’s a love story. Baby just say ‘yes’,” he finished and you melted. Your parents were still watching from the side, glares on their faces. Then Adam pulled away. You were forced to watch him leave afterwards. Your heart hurt and it drove you mad.
But you were not easily deterred. You wouldn’t give up Adam for the world. Your mom and dad didn’t have to know what you got up to when you went on long walks. They’d never know you were still seeing him. You snuck out the very next night, and met Adam in the garden. Your heart fluttered when you touched his hands. He was so perfect standing there, with the moonlight behind him. In whispered tones you expressed how much you loved one another, and proceeded to walk delicately around the rose bushes and the petunias and the sunflowers. Your conversations were hushed, as you tried to keep quiet. You both would be so dead if your parents knew about this. But lucky for you, that wouldn’t happen. You were way too cool for this shit.
You came up behind Adam, and covered his eyes. “Close your eyes,”
It was time to escape this town for a little while.
Adam raised his hands up to yours. “Hmmm,” he hummed. “Y/N.” He leaned into you.
You kissed him on the head as Adam pulled your hands back down to his sides. “How are you tonight?” You wondered aloud.
“Brilliant,” Adam answered. “You?”
“Same.”
“Come out so I can see you.”
You felt suddenly self conscious. You had dressed up for this event. It was the same outfit you wore on your first date with Adam. Slowly, you moved out from behind Faulkner, and stood in front of him timidly. “Hi,” you murmured.
Adam gaped at you, then let out a low wolf whistle. His eyes traveled all the way down your body and then came back up to meet your gaze. “I like it.”
You smiled, a light blush tinting your cheeks. “Oh…” You found yourself unable to look at Adam. He took advantage of your shyness, and kissed you.
“Cause you were Adam,” you mumbled around his lips. “I was a scarlet letter.”
The door to the garden was flung open then. Apparently, your quietness hadn’t lasted. “How many times have I told you?” You recognized the voice of your dad again, and you frowned miserably. “Stay away from my child! Stay away from F/N L/N!”
Adam backed away, but he wasn’t daunted. “Sure.” He said with a shrug, and saluted you. You stared at him in disbelief, and then grabbed his shoulders. He was everything to you! “Please don’t go!” You gasped.
Adam kissed you roughly. “I’m not gonna leave you.” He smirked at you. “Why would I do that?” There was a knowing glint in his eyes. Your heart softened into hot wax. He was so perfect. So casual. How did he do that? How did he make you want him even more? How did he stay so relaxed, even though you were being torn apart from him?
You blinked up at him in amazement. “Adam… please…”
Adam winked at you, and glanced you up and down once more. “You look gorgeous in that, baby.”
You watched him sadly as he disappeared into the shadows, and retreated back into the trees. “Adam, take me somewhere we can be alone,” You muttered under your breath. “I’ll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run. You’ll be the prince, and I’ll be the princess…” You trailed off out of habit, allowing Adam to finish it. You were greeted with silence. It was so deafening, you almost flinched physically. You forced yourself to continue. “It’s a love story. Baby just say ‘yes’.”
Your father spoke up from behind you after a while. “How long?”
“How long?” you asked him.
“How long have you been seeing him behind our backs?”
You shook your head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Y/N, listen to me. I don’t know what you see in him. All the good guys turn out to be bad people in the end. You need to let him go. He’s not good for you.”
“I love him!” You yelled abruptly. “Stop trying to convince me that he’s not worth it. You haven’t even met him, you don’t even know him. Get to know him first!”
“You should drop him,” your dad grumbled.
You stormed past him in a huff and went to your bedroom, where you were hoping to get some sleep - but you doubted that you would.
The next day you found Adam waiting in the garden for you. You gave him a reluctant smile when you saw him. You didn’t know what he was doing here, and for the first time you weren’t glad to see him. This was not a safe place for him, why did he come back here?
You threw on a coat, and went to greet him. Your feet brushed over the cool grass as you trudged over to him. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“How are you?” Adam asked calmly.
“Could be better. Adam, they’re trying to tell me how to feel. This love is difficult.”
“But it’s real,” Adam replied smoothly. “Don’t doubt that, F/N L/N.”
You huffed out dubiously. “How can you say that after last night?”
Adam only said, “Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess. It’s a love story. Baby just say ‘yes’.” He brushed out your jacket. “Please.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Days went by after that. You didn’t see Adam for a long time. You wondered what was happening. Why wasn’t he answering your calls? Why wasn’t he showing up anymore? Maybe your dad had been right from the beginning? You didn’t want to think that, but life was getting lonely. Speaking of your dad, you hadn’t seen much of him lately either. He hadn’t spoken much to you at all. You walked aimlessly around the garden, your heart heavy.
What the hell?
You didn’t want to feel hopeless, but there was an empty setting in your stomach. It worried you, it upset you, it frightened you. You decided to go for a walk. A long walk. You needed out of here! Some place to clear your head. Some time to get away from the memories.
When you reached the outskirts of your small town, you stopped walking. You didn’t know what you were doing here, but you knew you should return home. It probably wasn’t safe here by the road when it was getting dark. You turned around, and found someone you were not expecting.
Adam Stanheight was watching you from afar. A smile was on his face. You stared at him halfheartedly. “What? Are you here to break my heart?”
Faulkner shifted his weight from foot to foot, but didn’t say anything to you, which made you feel even more dismayed. His eyes shone with some kind of deviance, and playfulness, and… knowledge that you were unaware of.
“What? Are you going to talk to me?”
Still, silence.
“Well I have some things to say to you.”
Adam shrugged. “By all means.” He was way too damn relaxed!
“Adam, save me! I’ve been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you, but you never come!”
“Let’s change that,” Adam said in a quiet tone. Kneeling to the ground, he pulled out a ring. “Marry me, Y/N. You’ll never have to be alone. I love you, and that’s all I really know. I talked to your dad-”
“How the hell did you talk to my dad?” You interrupted.
Adam tilted his head to the side. “You said something that changed his mind.”
You glared at the ground. “No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did,” Adam insisted. “He got to know me a little. He said he was sorry for jumping to conclusions. Said you were right the whole time, and that maybe not everyone’s life will be the same. He said he gives us his blessing.”
You stared at him. “What?”
“Just pick out a white dress, okay. It’s a love story. Baby just say ‘yes’.” Adam put a lot of emphasis on the last word.
Your heart was almost literally jumping out of your throat. “Oh my god. Yes. I will. I want this.”
Adam pulled you down and kissed you. “Don’t be so negative, princess. I didn’t give up on us. Why should you?”
You buried your face in his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Adam.”
Adam hugged you close. “Stay with me.” And you kissed him in response.
Slowly, cautiously, you opened your eyes again. Adam was holding you close to him. “Adam,” you whispered.
“We were both young when I first saw you,” he said softly.
You clung to him. “We’re still married after all this time,” you said distantly.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Adam remarked.
You pressed close to him. “Me neither.”
He kissed you, and pushed you to the floor. You let out a moan of surprise, which Adam seemed to take delight in, and he started caressing you. You allowed him to touch you. “It’s been awhile,” you commented.
“Shh. Just relax.”
You leaned your head back. “Sure.” You whispered, as Adam started pulling off your clothes. And that’s exactly what you did. But the sun was setting out the window and the windows were closed and shuttered, and the neighbors were all asleep. But Adam was calm and collected - as ever. The duo would follow the sun tonight and take things all the more slowly. It was vital for the first year anniversary. It was the newly made tradition.
And it wasn't about to change.