Its So Insane To Me That Kenjaku Spent MILLENNIA Trying Take Over A Body With The Ability To Handle A

it’s so insane to me that kenjaku spent MILLENNIA trying take over a body with the ability to handle a six eyes user, but when he finally secured the bag, he was out and about taking the silliest, most unnecessary risks possible. like HELLO??? WHAT are you doing in a restaurant in the middle of tokyo wearing the skin of a DEAD MAN who could be identified by literally anyone in the jujutsu world??? just IMAGINE this absolute idiot being days away from executing a carefully crafted, two thousand year old plan, only for gojo to casually make eye contact with him at a fucking 7-eleven

DATING HOBIE BROWN HEADCANONS

WARNINGS: ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE SPOILERS.

PAIRINGS: HOBIE X GN! READER

— Hobie brown is that type of lad to randomly carry you while walking then jump around with you, he does it all the time, on stage, backstage, at your house, at the park, in the parking lot. Anywhere.

— He would constantly buy you gifts since he's busy being a rockstar and spiderman. He's constantly on the road, sometimes with you, but unlike him, you aren't spiderman. You still help cover for him and call the police to catch the recent bad guy he had stopped but it doesn't help him but feel as if he takes you for granted.

— He's always swinging you from place to place, whenever he needs to clear his mind, he takes a midnight swing and always invites you. Sometimes while swinging, he throws you up in the air to hear you scream then teases you about it.

— Everytime there's a minor inconvenience, he just walks away, just like in the movie. If you argue, he just says your right, even if he doesn't think that, then goes away till you cool off.

— My dude LOVES affection. He constantly hugs or kisses you, maybe does other things too, but mosty hugs and kisses. He constantly hugs you from behind and kisses your cheek.

— During his Canon event, he had barley taken care of himself and you had to remind him to eat, drink and sleep so he could function. He never forgot about that and he never will, during those moments he was at his worst and you picked up his pieces and placed him back into the hilarious, outgoing and confident spider he is.

— Whenever you get scared by a spider, instead of being a decent human being and removing the spider from the area, setting it free, he's a little shit who will grab the spider, I'm not joking, GRAB. The spider then proceed to chase you around with it.

— If you'd sleep in, he would start playing some metal shit on his guitar to wake you up, and not just any metal, HEAVY METAL. You've woken up multiple times just by him playing his guitar to wake you up since you are 'a heavy sleeper.'

— He doesn't get jealous that often since he has complete faith in you, your relationship is built on trust and love, nothing will ever change that.

— He will do anything for you. Want chocolates at 3 AM? He'll buy you chocolates at 3 AM. You want to watch a movie, he'll swing you to the movies and you'll watch together. You want him to threaten someone? Just send him the address.

— His love language is quality time and music. Bro loves it and if you make him a playlist he is down bad on his knees.

"please doll"

Hobie Brown x fem!Reader

summary: you take Hobie to heaven

warning: sexual content, oral (male receiving), titjob

Hobie's muscles tensed and a groan, strangled by his own hand, escaped his mouth as you ran your tongue along his cock. The other he clamped down on your sheets, tugging lightly. He felt incredibly good, yet you played with him like a toy, interrupting him every time he was about to get high.

"D-doll please.." His back arched as you shoved it all into your mouth. The tip of his cock kissed your throat, causing you to gag slightly, which was nothing compared to seeing Hobie like this. The great, fearless Spider-Punk spitting on the government and the rules lay before you in a total mess, begging you to let him come. "G-getting too s-sensitive" he bit his lip ring, glancing at you. A cold shiver ran down his spine as he watched you play with his cock, sucking and licking it. You were so damn good at it.. He fucking loved it when you played with him giving him so many emotions. However, now, despite the great desire to continue playing, he preferred to come in your beautiful face.

"Oh really?" a trickle of saliva ran down his shaft as you pumped him. His flushed face and trembling legs were like a drug for you to take everyday. You really loved him more than anything, so you finally decided to give him what he wanted so much.

You let his cock slosh against his pelvis. You grabbed the hem of your shirt and pulled it off. Hobie's eyes immediately began scanning your boobs, giving everyone special attention. They were perfect, almost made for his hands.

"You like it?" you asked, knowing his answer all too well. You leaned over him again, kissing his spit-soaked and pre-cum head before shoving his cock between your tits, shoving the beginning of it into your mouth.

"H-holy shit!" he groaned, throwing his head back, squeezing his eyes shut. Both of his hands moved to your head, burying his fingers in your hair. The warmth of your tits around his cock combined with the wetness of your lips. Fuck, he felt like his heart was about to jump out of his chest and the neighbors started knocking on the door because of all the pornographic noises he was making. “F-fuckfuckfuck.. Y-yes, thats i-it.. K-keep g-going doll” Your clit was crying under his moans and your nipples hardened. His hips swayed messily with your movements. He chased his own high and the letters of your name tumbled in his mouth until he pressed your head into his pelvis. Streaks of warm cum gushed in your mouth, mixing with the saliva that dripped onto your tits. Hobie was breathing heavily and his orgasm seemed endless. "Fucking God.. yes," he moaned loudly, completely exhausted.

A laugh left your lips. You hovered over him and connected your lips in a gentle kiss, giving him a chance to taste himself.

"I love you." He sighed as you pulled away from his lips.

"Get dressed, Aunt May will be back soon and I don't want her to have a heart attack seeing you like this." completely ignoring what he'd said before, you grabbed your shirt and headed to the bathroom to straighten yourself out.

"Yeah.. I'll take it for 'I love you too' " he snorted with a smile as he got up in search of his boxers.

❝EUROPEAN NONSENSE — SPIDERVERSE HCS

summary ; hobie with a hispanic girlfriend who loves to cook and makes her food spicy or very seasoned when he doesn’t use seasoning as much.

pairing ; hobie brown x hispanic fem!reader (no specific race stated)

note ; i sometimes forget hobie is british but writing this concept was so much fun to do lmao 😭 thank you anon for this request <3 i just hope our boy really doesn’t just season his stuff with salt only because of that.

• — hobie brown !

had a cough attack. this was deadass him the first time he tried your cooking.

now, the only reason you made food for him was because you caught what he was eating the day before. it was the most driest, whitest, piece of chicken you’d ever seen. it was so bad, you could hear pavitr crying his heart out all the way from a different dimension about “european nonsense”.

you remember just staring at the chicken on the plate. no seasoning, only salt. the worst part is, he had just drained it from the pot and you could see the steam coming off it. sits down with his knife and fork. you were just staring in disbelief and you asked him while pointing at his so called dinner, “hobie what is this?”

he looks at you and said, “what? have you never seen chicken before?” you don’t know what that thing was but it definitely was not chicken.

tells you that it’s good and you should try it. GOOD? you nearly lost your mind right then and there when he stabbed it with his fork and just bit into it. you’re convinced he’s a psychopath because even you wouldn’t stoop this low.

no way we’re you gonna have your boyfriend eat this for breakfast, lunch, and dinner 🙅🏻‍♂️ not when you know you can cook up the best meal he’d ever have in his entire life. you let him eat that dry chicken though because he needed to suffer for saying it was good.

you had told him to come over for dinner and he’s like “finally i’m gonna get to try your cooking” since you always told him how much you love cooking. actually, hobie starts coughing the minute you open the door for him to come in. hobie had taken a deep breath and was gonna say how nice it smelled before el chile hit him unexpectedly.

never smelled this amount of spice before. you had to open the windows to air the apartment out. you’re use to the smell so it’s not like it bothers you. he’s waiting out in the living room, still coughing and now you know he’s probably doing it on purpose.

you wait until the smell has calm down before you tell him the food is ready. pretends he died from hunger because you took too long. you’re surprised he didn’t choke on the dry chicken.

you decided to make him some empanadas de carne molida y de pollo which, unknown to him, was drenched in salsa roja and seasoned to your liking. you’d had the toppings prepared too. red onions, cilantro, lime, tomatoes, and several other things so he could taste it.

“by the way, i made sure not to make it spicy.” you told him that as you both sat down and he trusted you. which he wished he didn’t. you had two empanadas on his plate, one of each and pointed out which one was which and he went to try the chicken one.

first bite he was fine until the spice kicked in and he just looked at you and started having another cough attack like, “🤨 you’re sure this isn’t spicy?” you had to get him some water and he had to wait a little bit before eating again.

you told him to try it with the salsa you’d made. you did a red one and a green one. and according to you, the green one was the one that wasn’t spicy. naturally, he went for la salsa verde only to be met with a burning sensation far worse from the empanadas.

you had to apologize so many times to him but he told you that it was fine especially since you’re just used to the taste and smell. and it’s not like you did it on purpose. “🤨 or did you?”

after his experience, he doesn’t trust you when you say it’s “not even that spicy”.

but trust me, once he’s hooked, he’s hooked. never sees any kind of food the same. and it’s so hard to make him stop coming over whenever it’s dinnertime.

hobie just knows and he’s crawling through your window in his spider suit asking what you made for the two of you to eat. even has tomatillos and chiles verdes in a small plastic bag so you can make a salsa. meanwhile you’re just standing in the kitchen, knowing you only made enough for yourself.

you ended up having to teach him how to season his food. he prefers yours ten times more though so yes, he still shows up for dinner.

Make out Sesh with hobie??

╰┈➤ 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐄 ੈ✩‧₊˚

★ pairing: hobie brown x fem!reader

★ cw: smutty themes, explicit phases, talks about being high, hobie being a tease.

𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐄 are always different, sometimes they turn out to be sloppy and rushed, while other times they are more gentle and slow. 

His hands wander around a lot while you guys are making out, and they usually end up on your tits squeezing them. He likes to pull you in his lap, and gently rub up and down your thigh, he knows you like it because you let out a happy little sigh every time. Sometimes he bites down on your lip playfully, just to hear you softly yelp in his mouth.

If you’re short like me then think about him towering over you, teasing you by bringing his lips inches away from yours, you think he’s going to kiss you but he doesn't. He just teases you by standing there and doing nothing. His lips look so pretty, he looks so pretty. You can see every little detail of his face. You absolutely can not deal with that so you lean forwards and smash your lips onto his. He would let out a surprised gasp before kissing you back with the same amount of passion. 

Another thing he loves is pinning you up against the wall and having full control of the kiss or him slotted in between your legs while you guys kiss on the kitchen counter, occasionally grinding his clothed cock against your pantie-covered cunt. 

Making out with him while he’s high is a whole new experience, he’d be 10 times more cocky and tease you way more than usual. He’d absolutely devour you, gripping you tightly and leaving hickies all over your neck.  

He likes seeing your dazed expression afterwards, lips all puffy and red with a string of saliva attached. 

Yeah… Hobie Brown is addicted to kissing you.

hozier's francesca (masterpiece) started playing in the car when i was driving my brother and he only heard the first few seconds and said "hozier's songs all sound like they're his last. as if someone said 'the world is ending you can make one more song' and that's just what all his songs sound like"

he's right.