| Toji Fushiguro| Friendships

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | Toji Fushiguro| friendships

characters: toji fushiguro x gojo!reader, toji zenin x gojo!reader

summary: an unlikely pair form a friendship, sort of.

tags: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, Toji is enough of a warning, suggestive talks, strangers to friends, angst, fluff.

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To anyone wondering if that interaction stopped Toji from continuing the following game he had started with you, I hope that the image of Toji Zenin trailing behind you as you escape to your garden during the next social event six months later is sufficient as an answer. 

He watched your white hair try little to fight the wind as it swayed against your kimono with each step you took. He observed as you made no effort to stop his advances to get closer to you. As he had done in previous years, he began testing the waters to see how close he could get to you until you stopped him. Since that last interaction, Toji was now aware that you’ve known of his habit but even then you didn’t voice your concerns. 

In the mind of Toji Zenin, you didn’t view him as a threat. That notion irked him to no end. It was widely known that Toji was a disgrace to the Zenin name with no cursed energy to even redeem the surname. It wasn’t information that was strictly reserved to the clan as with any other clan, the fuck ups need to be acknowledged to spot who to mistreat at functions like these. 

“For a future clan leader, you are uncharacteristically okay with being defenseless.” Toji mocked as he continued to walk tread behind your figure. You knew little to nothing of the man but you had a feeling that he had a smirk etched alongside his scarred lip.

“You’re talking?” You huff out a laugh and don’t make an effort to raise your guard before continuing. “I’m not a liar, Zenin. What I said that day was true. I consider you a friend. Why would I need to defend myself?” 

“I’m sure you’ve heard of my feats. Surely, that should raise some alarm for your safety.” The feats in question were all the sorcerers he has killed in the past 3 months. The man had been undermined by his lack of cursed energy his whole life. Only a select few had acknowledged his potential. That niche collective pertains to the people who employed him. He was now trying to uncover which category you would slot into.

“All bad things, of course. You have quite the reputation, Zenin.”  You affirm his claims, searching your mind for more adjectives that have been used. It was a hot topic of discussion during the monthly elder’s meeting; Toji Zenin defected from the clan and Jujutsu society to become a mercenary: The Sorcerer Killer.

“You’re not here to kill me, are you? Friends usually don’t do that.” 

“Friends also usually know each other’s name. How about you try saying mine, doll.” 

“Doll? We’ve already gotten to the nickname stage? Should I make one for you?” Though he couldn’t see it he heard the lilt in your voice and could imagine your eyebrow raised in amusement. 

“Gotta say my name. Maybe then I’ll consider it.”

Plopping yourself in the same spot as last time, you face him, and your lips slightly parted. It was the first time you’ve seen him fully.  His appearance aligned with his lineage, the stark black hair and probing/emotionless green eyes. However, he looked nothing like his older brother Jinichi, who was an unruly man that you’ve had the displeasure of meeting on multiple occasions. The only attributes that could categorize him alongside his older brother were the scar on his lip, the fresh wound on his cheek, and his body.  If there was a word that surpassed well-built then Toji’s body was that. It was hard to discern with the baggy black sweatshirt and sweatpant set he wore but based on the muscles that peaked through the opening of the neckline, you don’t believe your assumptions to be baseless. Alongside that, he had to have been either the same age as you or older than you by a year at most.

You let your eyes fall in line with his,  “Toji.” He enjoyed how you said his name. “Your name is Toji, right.” 

“I guess we are friends.”  He huffed and followed your gaze. There you went again looking at the stars. He would never understand your fixation with them. Perhaps because all his life he had been described as anything but that. 

“So does that mean I can give you a nickname?” 

He shook his head and chuckled, “Keep dreaming, doll.” 

You let out a breath of disappointment before carrying out your usual routine of staring at the stars. The stars on duty tonight were far less than usual. You wondered what caused the shortage. Maybe some were stationed at another stretch of the hemisphere and were stationed to add an illuminating mystical ambiance to a pair of freshly weds the night of their honeymoon. You pitied the ones that shined dimly over you both. They were stuck overlooking a mercenary and a glorified puppet interacting for the first time. 

“You have a Heavenly Restriction, right?” You asked. “You were either limited or granted improvements in exchange for being born without cursed energy. What category do you fall into?”

The gamble when someone is given a Heavenly Restriction is 50/50. Some are left impaired while others are given improvements to their physical capabilities. This was what you had learned at Jujutsu Tech but you had never met anyone who possessed it. 

He rolls his eyes and the scar moved in unison with his lips. “I saw you checking me out earlier. Take a wild guess.” 

“Clarification wouldn’t hurt.” If he hadn’t been staring at you, he could have guessed that his words didn’t affect you. However, he could vaguely see the apples of your cheeks turning a faint red peeking through the parts of your hair that weren't actively in your shielding your face. 

A majority of your life had been confined to the Gojo compound. The sliver of time where you weren’t there was at Jujutsu Tech and the other students there were hardly anything to gawk at. Even at social events like the one you were escaping from, all the men looked the same. Average height, average build, below-average face, and infant-level intelligence. It’s safe to say that Toji was nothing like that. 

In addition to all the men looking the same, they also all looked at you the same, a piece of meat that would be best served on their bed. The man beside you held that same expression when he looked at you. It was an expression that was so natural for him that you wanted to believe that it was second nature for him. You don’t think you would mind if it was reserved just for you.

In layman’s terms, you found Toji Zenin unfathomably attractive. 

“Oh, is the heir of the Gojo clan blushing? What a lucky day.” He teased as he moved his body to be facing you. “The rumors surrounding you were wrong. You seem to be far more expressive than they make you out to be. At least with me, you are. Is there any reason for that, doll?”

A womanizer, you thought to yourself. This man had to be a womanizer with how seamlessly he could convert an unsuspecting conversation into a suggestive one. He certainly had the looks and personality to become one if he wasn’t one already.

“Do you want them to be true?” You challenge blatantly ignoring his other question, setting aside the brief embarrassment as you cast a gaze through your peripheral at the man. 

“Nah.” He shrugs as he replies. “You’d just remind me of that pain in the ass Naobito and that’s not what I come here for.” He had heard his clan describe you as a woman of few words with a silence that makes up for them. It was hard to picture as you have been anything but that with just this interaction as his evidence.

“So what did you come here for?” You asked the questions that have been circulating in your mind for years. “Why did you start coming here? This isn’t a place that many people can find. So how did you find it?”

The garden as previously described was deserted before you found it. No one knew of this haven besides you and Satoru. It was hidden further out of the Gojo compound and you could make the argument that it was outside the Gojo compound boundary. 

You truly did not beat around the bush, “You curious? The answer is gonna disappoint you.”

“I don’t have any expectations on what the answer could be so go ahead. I can assure you the reason as to why I’ve allowed you to follow me here will also disappoint you.” Your voice was relaxed but the way you formulated your sentences remained formal. Even in the way you sat; posture upright, hands placed neatly in the space between your legs, and eyes permeating through his soul. 

He racks his mind looking for a choice of wording as he props his head with his knuckles while his elbow is nuzzled into his knee supporting his position, “I dunno. You looked interesting and I followed. Nothing more to it than that.”  He was never good with words.

As he said before, he expected some form of disappointment to show on your face but as you did so well you did the opposite. For the first time, you smiled at him. Well, if it could even be considered that. He would describe it as quaint and faint. It was discernible to know that it wasn’t shown often as it felt foreign to see on your face but he didn’t seem to mind it. “That makes me feel better about my reasoning.”

Tucking your knees into your chest as you laid your head upon them, you confessed, “I noticed you the first time you started following me here. I thought you would approach me but you never did. I’m not one to start a conversation either so I didn’t make much of an effort to approach you either. It would’ve stayed like that if Satoru hadn’t noticed you that day.”

“You were just going to continue to let me watch you? Is that some sort of kink for you? Think they call that being an exhibitionist.” This man watched as visually recoiled at his words and sent him a pointed look.

“And wouldn’t that make you a voyeur?” Those three years at Jujutsu Tech were very informative. All thanks to Yuki Tsukumo, a failed mission of yours is how you would categorize her. She was supposed to be the Star Plasma Vessel for Tengen but somehow between the beginning of the mission and taking her to Tengen’s barrier you decided to offer her a second chance at life. The downside would be she had to become a student at Jujutsu Tech and become a sorcerer for the duration of her time as a student. Due to that act of kindness that nearly stripped you of your place within your clan,  Yuki made it her mission to expose you to life beyond the strobe of Jujutsu society: underage drinking, clubbing, blind dates, and adult content that came in all forms. Anything that could leave the elders of the clan in a catatonic state if they ever heard of it. 

“Look at that, we're the perfect match. We should test that compatibility of ours out one of these days” Toji thoroughly enjoyed the fact that he was able to unlock multiple expressions/emotions from you. In each passing moment, he felt the need to up the ante to see how far he could go before you would consider him to be crossing your boundary.  

You were none the wiser. Under other settings, there would be an obvious power imbalance between the two of you. You, who was put on a pedestal within the Jujutsu world, and then Toji, who was degraded for his lack of curse energy. However, the power imbalance between the two of you now was different. 

When you turned your face to offer a retort you were greeted with his face only a few inches away from yours. You don’t know when or how or if you were distracted by the conversation but at some point he had reached you. His eyes glided over your face and inspected every detail of it: your eyes that followed his own, your nose that was twitching in confusion, cheeks that still had leftover red, and your glossy lips. You noticed they stayed focused on your lips longer and he noticed that he had made a bad habit of doing that.

Momentarily you allowed yourself to wonder what it would feel like to let him close the gap but didn’t let it linger for too long. You instead focused on the fresh wound on his cheek that you had noticed earlier. It was merely a cut but it bothered you. Lifting your finger to touch the wound, leaving the man's eyes no choice but to deviate from your lips and follow your fingers. 

“You’re a careless man.” is all you say as you begin to use the reversed cursed technique to heal the minor wound. It was completely unnecessary on your part. A bandaid would’ve worked just as well. It could have been a fluke but you felt compelled to help him. 

Your hands were rough due to years of strenuous training yet they held a sort of gentleness alongside it. You felt his green eyes watching you closely but didn’t let them affect you as they had previously. At least that’s what you wanted to believe. Tapping gently along the cut, you say,  “I would ask where you got it from but since you haven’t answered my last question I won’t even try.”

“Tough day at work.” Toji wasn’t going to verbally tell you that he had just killed a man even if it was now common knowledge that his trade of work wasn’t formidable. You didn’t ask further questions upon that answer. You could see the curse residuals in the cut, the hint of blood in his smell, and the faint imprints of dried-up sweat on his skin. He knew you knew what he had done and there was nothing that you could do but silently acknowledge it.

“You’re letting me tread very close to you, doll. Wonder how close you’ll let me get next time.”  He teased as you felt his breath graze your lips. The proximity between the two of you felt far too intimate. 

You shook your head, removing your finger from his cheek briefly before trying to place it in the same position while activating Infinity. It would be the first time you had activated it throughout this entire interaction. Visually your finger looked as if it was touching his cheek but physically the man could feel the absence. Smirking slightly at the man, you affirm, “I wouldn’t get my hopes up. That was the last time.”

A friendship between two liars, the perfect match. 

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | ᴛᴏᴊɪ ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ| friends with benefits

characters: toji fushiguro x gojo!reader, toji zenin x gojo!reader

summary: an initial "date" leads to an agreement that you weren't expecting to fall into.

tags: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, suggestive language (thanks to Toji, of course), explicit language, symbolism (?), NO SMUT (bare with me y'all you will get it eventually! next chapter ;) strangers to friends to ?, fluff, Yuki as your self-proclaimed wing woman, exorcising curses, jealous toji, 2nd person point of view, the first person point of view switches are intentional!

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The “date” was set to be in 3 days. Not much communication has been happening between them in that time frame: no messages and no visits to the garden. The most recent message would’ve been the day he had sent that daunting text where you’d ridicule him for being so bombastic and him deciding the plans for the “date” without your input.

Friday, 8 pm at The Turnover in Roppongi.

That was all he had given you and when you tried to ask for details of his “itinerary” he went radio silent. It was the day of the “date” and even then he hadn’t responded. Nonetheless, you couldn’t worry about the vagueness or the “date” at all. No, you had to preoccupy your thoughts with the idea of a curse, with a disfigured metamorphic-looking bird body with hands and feet that looked like talons and a waning expression on its face, that was hanging upside down on a rustic exposed pipe in what would have been the lobby of a hotel. 

The mission was pitched to you by one of the higher-ups like most missions are. They say it’s something and then it turns out to be something else. In this situation in particular the curse was supposed to be a Semi-Grade 2 at most. You had to have been 20 feet outside of the semi-salvaged hotel that, on top of a mountain that you assumed used to be a popular tourist spot, harbored the curse when you felt the energy was 5 times the amount of energy a Semi-Grade 2 curse should have.  Not enough energy to be considered a Special Grade but too much to be a Grade 1. It had to be a Special Grade 1.

“Saaveee the biiird! Leet me saavee the biird mama!”

This curse was a manifestation of a child who died trying to save a bird, that was obvious enough. It’s not rare for children to be higher-graded curses but it is certainly uncommon. The child or the loved ones must have had a surplus enough negative energy to have manifested to be this strong. It goes to show how something once so pure can become corroded in a blink of an eye. The curse was not an intelligent curse from the repetition of those two sentences. That made the job easier and be it as it may you would have exorcized the curse without alerting anyone given how secluded the location was but to be extra precautious you put up a veil.

"Emerge from the darkness, blacker than darkness. Purify that which is impure." You recited from memory having had to put up many veils in your lifetime. Traditionally, the handler that oversaw the mission would be responsible for putting up veils but per the shortage of sorcerers, they allocated handlers to lower-ranking sorcerers. Out of courtesy, they did assign you a driver to transport you to and fro but they weren’t allowed to stay as that was outside the strobe of their occupation. If you had a complaint about this, you could direct it toward the higher-ups and the graves of the befallen. 

“Let’s make this quick, you’ve been suffering long enough.” You announced the curse in vain as if it would even comprehend/respond to your words. It did react to them by leaping from the pipe toward your direction with their talons retracted ready to swipe at your body. Though it did have talons for hands and feet and had the overall appearance of a bird species it couldn’t fly. All it was using was the momentum from the leap and had you been a second too slow in reacting or hadn’t been gifted the ability of Infinity you would’ve easily been left scarred. You had dodged it with ease and appeared behind it, a perk of the Limitless technique being instantaneous movement. 

“No need for theatrics.” You ridiculed in between dodges as it continued to make advances towards you and contemplated how to exorcise it. It had to have been 5 pm and the location of where you were was an hour away from the school and Roppongi was an additional 22 minutes away from that. That’s not including the report you would need to submit. To have enough time to get everything done, you need to end this now. 

You lifted your forefinger as you concentrated your cursed energy into a ball at the tip of your finger and redirected it toward the curse. It was a technique that had taken countless attempts to perfect as the essence of its power was based on precision. You found irony in that as it was by far the ultimate tool for destruction. For a prodigy, learning/mastering the technique should have come easily but the branch that would’ve classified you as a prodigy broke the moment you opened your eyes, and the glow of the genius in your blue eyes was absent. You couldn’t use Hollow Purple or activate your Infinity to be used 24/7. Strip away everything that built up your identity and you’d be left with nothing. 

 “Cursed Technique Reversal: Red.” 

Like that, you were left with a blood-stained floor and a dismembered cursed body. Based on the strength of the curse, it had to have manifested recently. If it were a few years older and had enough experience you were sure it would’ve put more of a fight. At max, it had to have been 6 months old. A long time for a child to be left suffering.

You didn’t try to linger any longer so you pulled your phone out to contact your driver and saw that you had been inside for less than 10 minutes. When you walk outside of the building and put down the barrier the car is already there. 

The driver opened the door for you before eliciting an array of praises, “Another amazing job, Gojo! I hadn’t even reached the bottom of the mountain before you called! You’re truly incredible!” 

What’s so amazing about anything about this career? Why praise me for this? You thought to yourself and made it a point to not reply. It’s the people who understand nothing about this career that would reward you with praise. What would a non-cursor user know about risking your life for people you don’t even care for? You became a hero archetype due to genetics not out of morality.

The driver got the hint and remained silent for the majority of the ride and you were appreciative of that. You didn’t even know their name or what they looked like due to how conservative the interactions had been. You spoke only when he asked about your destination. You spent the trip trying to articulate your report and let the thought of the exiled Zenin remain rooted in the backseat of your train of thought.

The driver dropped you off and sped off in a hurry, you shrugged and began walking toward the meeting room to give your report but saw a familiar blonde woman walking from that exact direction. You had done well in avoiding social interaction all day, you wanted to conserve your social energy and you knew she was going to drain you dry. 

“Gojo!” She had caught sight of you before you even had the chance to escape. You let your shoulders drop in defeat and waited for the women to reach you. “Coming back from a mission?” 

You let out a grunt in response as you began walking away. You truly hated small talk. Scratch that, you hated all kinds of talks. You especially hated talks with Yuki Tsukumo, your forced-upon “best friend.” After high school. you spoke with her only when you saw her and you’ve blocked her number on multiple occasions. Yuki was used to your lackluster replies and took your noise as an answer.

She had something she needed to tell you but she couldn’t remember it at the moment so as she tried to rummage through her vault of memories she decided to trail behind you and try to strike up a conversation which again was met with noises on your end. At a certain point, you checked your phone to check the time and saw it was already 6 and started to speed up. The blonde being perspective as ever noticed and gasped. That woman was dramatic and usually wrong in her assumptions but this scenario just so happened to align with her delusions.

“You’re meeting someone!” She exclaimed, somehow appearing in front of you and managing to stop you in your tracks.

You were wishing on a star that your cheeks hadn’t combusted in flames at her assumptions as you asserted with a false narrative, “You’re insane. I simply want to be done with the day and not deal with you.”

It was 6 pm, the stars hadn’t clocked in for their shift while the biggest was just starting to clock out. Your cheeks were ablaze and Yuki was soaking in the expression and the implications of it.

She shook your shoulders and exclaimed a little too loud, “Oh my god, it is a date!”

You slammed your hand on her mouth while you tried looking around to see if anyone was around to hear her. Once you saw the school looked to be barren of any human life, you decided to play it safe and pull her to a secluded place behind one of the buildings to continue the conversation. Removing your hand off her mouth, you began to speak, “It’s not a date and keep your voice down. If the wrong person hears that I’d be crucified.” 

In your classification of “wrong person”, it would be anyone who wasn’t you or Yuki. Your ring finger was a hot commodity in the community so if word got out that you were seeing someone. Well, you’d rather not imagine it too much.

She ignored the latter and focused on the former as she pointed to your red cheeks,  “You wouldn’t be that red if it wasn’t a date.”

“Because it’s not.”

She raised an eyebrow at you and asked, “Is that what the guy said?”

She got you there.

You gave up on trying to deny her claims and just began to comply. You felt like a little kid who had just got caught terrorizing the corridor walls with permanent markers and now was being interrogated for it. It was even more humiliating having been interrogated by none other than that woman. I never met her but based on how you described her she reminds me of someone else I know.

You let out a noise of denial and she sighed at that. “If he says it’s a date then it’s a date. Seems pretty straightforward to me.” The blonde-haired woman insisted, shrugging before relaxing her body against the wall of the building. “Men don’t have the mental capabilities to be that complex. If they are, it’s because they are stupid not because they are by any means smart.”

You mimicked her actions before huffing out a response, “If he says anything at all it should be taken with a grain of salt.”

“Hmm, you should stop giving everything double-meaning and start taking stuff for face value, Gojo. It will save you a lot of headaches in the future.” She suggested with no actual bias towards her words. 

Perhaps it would and you should start giving people the benefit of the doubt. “I would if he was worth taking at face value. That man doesn’t have an ounce of seriousness in him.” Just not today or any other day. Maybe that suggestion would work for somebody else.

“Maybe I would agree if you told me who this mystery man was.” Yuki quipped, for no reason to help and all the reason to be nosey in your love life. She has asked you time and time again what your type is. She has guessed every kind of generic person under the sun - you would say they were too bland. She would suggest the most mysterious person that countered the moon —- you’d grow irritated and say they are too complex for someone who doesn’t care. She would describe the flashiest man with a charisma so fiery it made the stars pale in comparison —- you grew uninterested and would seek refuge on land. 

“Not important enough to mention.”

Oh, how you’d be eating your words. 

“Boo.” The woman said as she stuck her tongue out at you. She'll get it out of you eventually. Either by your admission or through word of mouth. For now, she resigned her interest in your love interest and signed on to direct your outfit.  She gave you a once over and asked, “What do you plan on wearing?”

You followed her eyes and grew curious at her words, “What do you mean? I’m going like this?”

Outside of your kimonos, which you wore daily, you wore the required Jujutsu uniform. It was tailored to the same fashion of a kimono with a slight modern take; the flared and oversized sleeves, the plunging neckline that would’ve flashed your cleavage modestly if you weren’t wearing a black tank top underneath, a thick black belt that was made to mimic an obi, and a maxi skirt hemline that hardly exposed your feet or ankles. 

The butter-haired woman was left slack-jawed and appalled. Surely, you were kidding. She had to make sure you were.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

You were dressed too modestly to appeal to a modern man. Not that Yuki was one to abide by social stigmas but she needed to help her “friend” get laid. Sure, you were forced on spontaneous adventures with Yuki, all being illegal/irresponsible, but to her knowledge, you were still a virgin. All the blind dates she’d try setting you up on would result in her getting a text from the guy asking for your number since you’d “forgotten” to give it to them. You having any sort of interest in a guy was a miracle and she was going to help in whatever way she could.

“Are you free right now?” 

For you? “Not really, no.”

“Great, I still have time.” Her previous question was spoken out of courtesy. From the get-go, she was going to abduct you. She grabbed your arm and turned you around at a speed only a madwoman could achieve. 

You, a loyal abider of rules, were frantically trying to remind her of your duties. “What about my reports?! I have to turn them in before I leave!”

An imaginary light bulb shined over the woman’s head and suddenly the information she was supposed to tell you came rushing in. She gave you a cheeky smile and replied sheepishly, “Oh, forgot to mention. They got caught up with something they left a while ago.”

“You conveniently forgot to mention that!” She was too focused on trying to get to the dorms to reply to you. She didn’t know how much time she had before you had to meet this mystery man but given how eager you were to leave a few minutes ago she knew she was running on a time crunch.

She stopped before her old dorm room and fished her pockets for any tiny object she could use to shimmy her way through the lock. “I’m sure no one has taken over my dorm. I’m sure I left some clothes that you can borrow.”

“Breaking and entering is a great lesson to teach the kids.” You said as you appointed yourself as a lookout. 

Yuki looked at you unamused and countered “We aren’t teachers. We aren’t responsible for whether they see us as moral compasses.” 

It was fair enough but you would never verbally allow yourself to agree with anything Yuki Tsukumo said. Instead, you let her continue to try to unlock the door. Fortunately for you both, it didn’t take long seeing as the doorknob was older than the two of you. 

Unfortunately, Yuki was right again. The dorm appeared to be vacant but held memorabilia that would link the last tenant to the woman standing beside you. Though it was almost barren, the residual pieces of posters that were stuck on the wall via double-sided tape, the school-issued desk that had been painted black because Yuki hated the original color but due to the chipped paint and the poor paint job the original mahogany wood became visible, the latch of the window bolted down by your former principal to keep her from sneaking out; all of this remained visible. Neither one of you was the type to reminisce or get nostalgic over stuff like this. For that reason, Yuki made a beeline toward her old closet that was filled with a good selection of clothes; all of which were appropriate for a night out. Dresses that left little to the imagination, skirts that could cover half of a person’s ass at best, shirts that bordered undergarments, weapons that traditionally are called heels; any article of clothing you thought following those descriptions are most likely there. 

While Yuki rummaged through her clothes, she asked, “So where is he taking you? A dingy bar? Crappy movie? Dinner at a supposed 4-star restaurant with decent appetizers at best?” 

Every scenario felt specific and had you wondering how many bad dates that woman had been on. While she was sorting through her clothes, you made the risky choice of sitting on her old bed, praying that it wasn’t infested by any sort of bed bug. “Some restaurant in Roppongi. I think it’s called The Turnover. I haven’t heard of the place before.” You answered with your tone sounding departed from the conversation as you turned your head from side to side trying to inspect the bed for any bugs. When you feel a sensation making contact with your hand, you almost yelped expecting to see a tiny bug but instead, you were met with a tube top that grazed your hand. You look up to see the woman gazing at you as if you had grown two heads. 

“He is taking you to The Turnover? The most exclusive restaurant in all of Japan?! That’s the kind of place where rich people wear sweatpants if they want to.” The blonde explained in awe. 

This was new information for you but it must’ve not been riveting as you asked, gesturing to your clothes, “So I could go like this?”

“Are you rich by any chance?” You chose to remain quiet. The Gojo were wealthy but not on a global scale where other rich people would know who you are. 

She smirks at your lack of response and begins to narrow down potential options for you. Be it as it may, she did want you to be comfortable in what you wore; however, she did want to briefly and very briefly cross that line. Nothing too crazy and nothing you weren’t already familiar with. It was difficult to find an option from all of the clothing pieces she had but she landed on a true black sleeveless maxi dress that had gorgeous ruffled hems that laid asymmetrically on the lower half of the dress while it had an identical singular ruffled fabric piece dangling on top of the right arm; alongside that the waistline had sophisticated ruching that was certainly going to suction your figure in. She didn’t throw them at you like the dress but she did hand you a pair of black point-toe slingback pumps that had a decorative bow. As for a purse, she just handed you a black suede clutch seeing it’s the only sort of bag that was left in her closet. It was the perfect mix of classy and sexy.  It was an outfit that a femme fatale in a noir film would wear to a dinner she’d treat herself to after exploiting a man for all he has. 

She threw the dress in your face and demanded, “This. Put it on.”

You didn’t have time to argue with the woman. You could see from the dim of the sun that slightly permeated through the minimal openings of the blinds that it was nearing 7. You also didn’t bother to tell her to turn around when you started to take off your clothes and neither did she. It wasn’t anything she hadn’t seen before. 

As expected, the dress fits you. Though the original furniture was left in the dorm, there had been an absence of a mirror. From observing your figure with your eyes alone, you knew this was out of your comfort zone. All you had to go off was Yuki’s look of content at her work. 

“I didn’t leave any makeup or jewelry behind so this is the best I can do with what we have.” She surmised before glancing at her phone to check the time. “Is he picking you up or are you meeting there?”

“He didn’t mention much of anything. He just gave me the date, time, and place. I’m assuming we are meeting up there at 8.”

She let out a sigh of relief as it was 7:15 and the drive to Roppongi wasn’t much of a long one from the school. 

“Fortunately for you, I’m free for the rest of the day. I’ll take you on my motorcycle.” You paled at her offer but knew she was your only option. If you requested a driver from the school, especially one like the one you just had, there is no doubt in your mind that they would start telling people you were meeting someone. Instead of verbally replying, you dropped your shoulders in defeat and started to walk out of the room with an overly enthusiastic Yuki in tow.

Her motorcycle was in good condition and that did alleviate some fear that you had when it came to riding it. That all came crashing down when you noticed she only had one helmet.

“You aren’t going to wear one? Isn’t that illegal? What if you get stopped?” 

She had been getting ready to sit on the seat when she quirked an eyebrow towards you and asked, “What? Do you want me to wear it instead?”

“Die for all I care.” You responded as you started to place the helmet on your head. It was a foreign feeling to have to wear something like that and it was bordering discomfort but better to be uncomfortable than dead. After securing it on your head, you positioned yourself behind her and made sure to hold onto her waist for dear life. 

The woman chuckled at your response/actions but didn’t provide a retort. Instead, she revved up the engine, made sure to adjust her mirrors, and saw that everything was working fine before taking off. You were half-expecting her to be an erratic driver with no regard for pedestrians but even you could give this woman her flowers when they were deserved; she drove the speed limit, was cautious of other drivers, and managed to get you to the restaurant with 10 minutes to spare.

“Thank you for the ride. How much do you want for the gas money?” You asked as you began to pull out your wallet from your clutch. She cut you off as she fished out a small package from her jacket and gestured it towards you.

“No need. Just accept this and consider it even.” It was a pack of condoms. She had driven off and left you with a pack of condoms in the most affluent neighborhood in all of Japan. Fortunately, you had shoved them into your clutch before anyone took notice of the obscene “gift.” 

Previously, your back was facing away from the restaurant, and having turned to start walking towards it you understood why Yuki was in shock when you told her this was the place you were going. Having been thrown off by the condoms, you were now viewing the building for the first time. In all honesty, you are expecting a 3-star restaurant at best. Not a sky-rise restaurant that had passersby admiring the building from afar and not daring to get anywhere near it. If you hadn’t been invited you would’ve flocked to their side as well.

You took a deep breath to ground yourself but before you were about to enter through the automatic window-fashioned doors a whistle sounded behind you. Usually, you would’ve ignored that kind of unwanted attention but you heard familiar footsteps approach you and simply turned around to face your “date” for the night who was taking his time in appreciating your appearance. He had thought you were attractive in your kimonos but seeing you outside of traditional Japanese clothing. He was having trouble not letting his eyes wander to every part of your body that was being sucked in by the dress's fabric. If you had given him the opportunity, he would’ve had you bent over in a nearby alleyway as he drilled into you with every insatiable amount of energy he had.

While he did his lookover, you did the same for him. He traded in his compression shirt for a black dress shirt that could very well have been made with the same fit as one, a matching black tie and black tapered slacks. You had to make a conscious effort to not gulp at the sight of him. 

“Got all dressed up for our date? I’m honored you put in the effort. You’re truly living up to your nickname, doll.” He teased as toyed with the piece of ruffled fabric that dangled off your shoulder. 

“Not a date.” You affirmed, slapping his hand away from the fabric and reminding him, “You would’ve known that if you took the time to check my messages. I was promised a nice meal and that’s what I’m here for. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“I was busy trying to secure you this meal. The payout for this job was hefty so eat to your heart's content. I’m not one to let a woman pay for a meal.” He could practically see you begin to salivate at the implication of unlimited free food. 

As you entered the building, you both were met with a societally attractive man dressed in a black suit standing in front of the elevator leading up to the restaurant with a decently sized podium that had a booklet on top of it hiding the lower half of his body. He had just been done checking in a couple when he noticed you approach the podium and his pupils practically shaped themselves to be hearts.

“Do you have a reservation tonight, ma’am?” The man asked, clearly excluding Toji from the interaction. Rather than feeling offended by this, he was amused. He wanted to see how audacious this man could be.

“Yes, a reservation for two.” You caught on to this as well and made sure to emphasize the “two” but the host didn’t seem to pay any mind to it. He acknowledged Toji with an antagonistic gaze that tettered into almost provoking territory. Toji lifted a brow at this and instead of backing down the man seemed to take it as him challenging him.

“I see. What would your name be?” The man asked as he tried to be suave in his delivery but saw you to be unaffected. He coughed and caught himself, “For the reservation.”

“You won’t need it. The reservation isn’t under my name.” 

Having had enough of his fill, Toji stepped in. He wrapped an arm around your waist as if it was second nature for him and leaned forward over your shoulder to respond for you, “Toji Zenin.”

The man visibly deflated and directed you to the elevator behind you, “Right, of course. You guys can go through there and another host will seat you when you arrive.”

You nodded your head and walked ahead of Toji, who bumped shoulders with the host and whispered in the guy's ear, “Eyes shouldn’t be looking at shit that ain’t yours, kid. You wouldn’t even know what to do with a woman like that.”

Though you heard none of what was said, you did watch the host tense from the interaction and Toji walked into the elevator looking smug.

You saw his face smeared with absolute pride and had to interrogate him about the cause, “I don’t even want to guess what you told the poor guy.” 

He laughed and shrugged his shoulders, “Just told the kid he should get his eyes checked.”

You gave him an unimpressed look and corrected him, “Kid? He had to be around our age.”

He pouted like one of those easily angered mutts and barked, “Don’t care.”

When the elevator doors opened, you were greeted by another host. This one was much older than the one downstairs and also a man but seemed to have a far more professional aura to him seeing as he acknowledged the both of you and didn’t bother with unnecessary small talk.

He gave you a set of menus and sat you both in the balcony section which overlooked the whole of Roppongi, it was breathtaking and truly a view only the best of money could buy. 

“What do you say? Does this view beat the garden?” He asked in jest as he took notice of how entranced you had become in the scenery. Your evergreens were replaced with industrialized buildings and skyscrapers but it illuminated the stars so heavenly you had to verbally appreciate them in their honor.

You held a gaze to the stars that you were used to observing from the comfort of your garden. “It comes a close second but nothing comes close to those asymmetrical hedges that you cut.” Though only the location changed, they appeared to be far more extravagant than they usually were. 

“You gave me some pathetic excuse for hedge trimmers. Blame the machinery.” He defended before diverting his attention to the menu and you soon followed in tow.

As you were skimming through the hard-to-pronounce menu options, you began to wonder. Is this the place where he takes all the women he meets? It was a wandering thought you had when he first invited you out but now being in the restaurant it felt different. You weren’t curious out of insecurity or for the need to feel special. You just wanted new teasing material seeing as he had so much on you. Not tearing your eyes away from the Farro Mafaldine, you asked, “So what number does this make me?”

“Huh?” He asked, raising his eyes to meet yours.

You held contact wanting to gauge his answer more so on his expression than his words, “You’ve taken women here before, no? What number does that make me?”

His green eyes watched as your blue ones anticipated his words. He closed his menu, having already decided on a pasta variant, and answered truthfully, “Consider yourself lucky. You’d be the first. Never even been to this place before. It was recommended to me by someone I know.” 

You could retell this story to me millions of times — rework the narrative, sprinkle in additional information, hell even reinvent the story altogether. Though this man has lied about minuscule and pointless things, I chose to believe this version of the story.

You hid your surprise well as you cleared your throat to mask any emotion while letting your eyes graze seek asylum in the menu as you decided the Farro Mafaldine seemed less appetizing now, “Just know I’m not completely sold but because you are paying I’m inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt.”

“If that’s all it takes, let’s start planning our next date.” There he goes, referring to it as a date. It was almost taunting from your perspective. It was either his way or no way is how you described him to me.

The host from earlier approaches with a pen and pad in hand, and you let the topic die out. The only meal you had was breakfast but it was reduced in size because you shared it with Satoru. You needed food and fast food.

On top of a dim ambiance and stellar view, the food came out with efficiency and tasted like ambrosia. I never considered you a drinker, but you described that dinner to be on the night you had drunk far too many. The rest of the dinner was surprisingly pleasant. The usual urge to cut an outing short wasn’t present and you enjoyed being able to converse freely with him. For the most part, the conversation was driven by the prompt of 20 questions. It was all basic questions that you would know about someone — favorite color, favorite movie, favorite song, etc. A few flirty exchanges but you blamed the two cups of red wine and Toji’s natural personality for that. The night would continue even after Toji had paid for the meal as you both wandered through the streets of Roppongi.

While walking aimlessly, you happened to stumble upon a Hinokicho park that was devoid of both people and artificial lighting. All there was to illuminate the park was the radiance of the moon and stars which led you to a pond that was hidden amongst cedar and pagoda trees. 

“Wanna do something fun?” Toji asked as he watched a cast of light from the night sky appear in between the ripples of water.

You genuinely didn’t feel like letting the night end so the proposal to prolong it sounded appealing.

 “Like what?”

“Ever been skinny dipping?” 

On second thought. 

“W-What? Do you want to do that right now? What if someone sees?” He was impressed that you were more concerned about being seen by other people than by him. If you didn’t want to get undressed that was fine with him, he had an adrenaline that was fueled by the alcohol he had been drinking throughout the dinner and he needed it to be released somehow. He started to tug his tie loose, tossing it aside as he prepared to unbutton his dress shirt too, he said,  “Not much of an exhibitionist, are you? Guess I had you all wrong that night.”

“I’m cautious of my image.” You mumbled out as you wrapped your arms around yourself regretting the choice to wear a sleeveless dress. Though you mumbled he heard you along with the ringing of the cicadas and was confident in his rebuttal.

“No one is here. Let alone anyone who knows either of us. It’s just you and me.”

His words weren’t meant to soothe you, he was just stating a fact. Even if they were meant for that, it only made you all the more nervous. Especially when he had finished unbuttoning his shirt and taken off the undershirt his abs were out on full display. You had an image of how the upper half of his body would look due to his usual tight-fitted shirts but to see that image become true was something you never thought you would ever see. You saw his hand drift to his belt and you made the conscious choice to turn away from him. 

Wrong move. 

“I hope you know that doesn’t make it any better.” You heard his belt buckle unfasten and his pants drop and you were beginning to start to cash in another favor from the stars hoping this one would be tangible.

Even with your guard as indomitable as it had been, you somehow felt a breath graze your neck and the sensation of his hands ghosting on either side of your waist, you could sense the mischief in his tone as he spoke,  “Not supposed to but it should make you less mad at me.” 

“Mad at you?” His hands latched onto your sides and pulled your back into his chest as he began to walk backward to the pond, “No no don’t – Toji!” The stars were in dire need of entertainment and you had been failing to provide any for some time now. They considered this as a form of compensation. Trust, they twinkled as you bobbed your head from out of the water. 

The boisterous laughs of Toji bounced off the trees as he was doubled over at your appearance. The pond was 4ft at most yet you had managed to get drenched given how you’d fallen in. You may not have been naked but might as well have been. Your dress had already been form-fitted so with the mix of water it simply suctioned in anything that hadn’t been before like your undergarments. Your white hair melts into your skin and your suede pumps imprint an uncomfortable sensation on your feet. 

You yelled as you shivered from the added coldness of water that tattooed itself onto your body, “You asshole! I’m freezing!”

The man composed himself before answering you, “You wanted fun. That’s me making you have fun.”

“What about that was fun?! Look at me I’m all wet and you’re—“ It seems you would finally come to and take notice of the naked man in front of you that was allowing you and all of the surrounding nature to bear witness to his body. The Heavenly Pact held its end of the agreement and gifted him a body that would’ve had him confused as a mythological god. 

“You barely realized that I was naked?” He mocked as he soaked your expression of anger that he found himself searching for constantly. 

“Put some clothes on! Aren’t you cold?!” You exclaimed trying to focus your blue eyes everywhere but his direction.

You imagined he shook his head as he responded, “I’m enjoying the breeze. It’s honestly not that bad out.” Toji was desensitized to people seeing him naked. The multiple one-night stands and overall lack of care for self-image aided in his comfort in being nude. 

“I don’t care if you’re enjoying it! I don’t want to see all that!” You said using your forearm to block him from your view.

“Putting on clothes defeats the purpose of skinny dipping.” He reminded you while he leaned his body against a decently sized rock and rested his eyes, “Just relax and stop thinking.”

Stop thinking. First Yuki and now him. He seemed so tranquil and it couldn’t hurt to do the same, right? The alcohol haze could contribute to your daringness but your hand had unsuspectingly traveled to the zipper on your back and began to zip it off of you. It was stuck to your body and you had to put in extra work to take it off but when it did you placed the dress on a nearby rock that was further away from the one Toji was leaning against. The chill from earlier became much more prominent but the adrenaline was overcoming all your senses. 

If he hadn’t decided to open his eyes as a result of the water splashing your movements had made when you were beginning to take off your bra, you would’ve gained the confidence to take it off. He was aware of this due to your fingers that were heading toward the clasp of your black bra. Toji has seen different variations of bras— lacey, sheer, heavily padded, animal print, etc. It was a bra that he had taken off of women who didn’t do anything for him usually; however, he cursed himself for opening his eyes when he did. He immediately closed his eyes to pretend he hadn’t seen anything in hopes of you gaining courage.  A small wave of water splashed against his chest and he resigned himself to his plan.

“Nice try.”

He opened his eyes in defeat and allowed his gaze to be known on your figure. The shiver that coursed through you was something you blamed the weather and his viridescent eyes registered it to be the cause of that too.  He slid over to create a vacant space while extending his hand in a come over here gesture. 

“If you keep standing there, you might freeze over with the pond.” He explained noticing your hesitance.

“I’m fine.” You affirmed trying your best to not wrap your arms around yourself. “Besides I doubt too wet bodies are going to produce any body heat.”

“Doll, you’re a sorcerer, not a scientist. The combination of our body heat should be enough to keep you from freezing.” He countered as he left his hand extended and laughed when you ignored it but took up the vacant spot. You left a distance between the two of you and he scoffed, “You gotta get closer for it to work, you know.”

“I can feel it just fine from over here.” You retorted and instead of you getting closer to him, he got closer to you. He saw you were about to protest but intervened before you could.

“You’re doing it again.” 

“Doing what?” You said feigning innocence. 

“Thinking.” He replied as he wrapped an arm around your bare shoulders to secure you in place and you indeed did stop thinking at that very moment. You’ve been close to Toji before but never close enough to feel his bare chest against your cheek.

You shifted your head to lay on his collarbones instead and countered, “One of us has to do it because you sure as hell won’t. When was the last time you ever thought something through?”

He lived life pretty mindlessly and without consequence. Job offers weren’t up for debate— money is money. Going to see you in the garden was muscle memory and a force of habit. This direction that this date had taken was entirely on instinct rather than planning.  He thought about it for a moment before answering, “2 years ago, probably. When I left the clan.”

You took the “stop thinking” into consideration and immersed yourself in the conversation without worry, “It’s already been 2 years? I guess I should say congratulations on being able to survive thus far.”

You could feel the huff he let out resonating against your cheek, “You congratulate people who win awards or perform civil duties, not men like me who kill for a living.”

You didn’t disagree, “Fair but it must have been difficult having to adjust to that lifestyle, no? It is something to be impressed by.”

He didn’t want to stay on the topic and instead found salvation in the stars that had been aiding him throughout the night, “Whatever. How about you and those stars?”

“What about them?” You felt yourself smile at the opportunity to speak about them to someone. 

“I always see you looking at them. Got any kind of shitty explanation like you did with the flowers? Gonna tell me that they are the center of the universe or something?” He mocked in jest but the smile on your face remained regardless.

You sighed out in admiration, “I always found myself relating to them.”

“Kind of narcissistic to compare yourself to the stars, doll.” He joked.

“And it seems narcissistic to keep thinking you have a chance with me, Toji,” You returned and he allowed you to continue your spiel, “What I mean is people acknowledge them at face value. Yes, they are beautiful; yes, they shine brightly but what about their stories? Constellations have stories but what about the individual stars that make up those constellations?” 

You weren’t expecting him to understand your comparison. In the same way that he didn’t understand your flower analogy. You thought maybe it was a bit narcissistic to compare yourself to the same caliber as a star. However, it would seem he understood this analogy completely as he replied, “Hmm, I guess that makes some sense.”

Somehow the conversation diverted after that. You assumed it was because you spoke too much and your spiel was a little too corny. Regardless of what it was, you enjoyed the freezing pond and the man-made heater for another hour before you began to deem it too late. Toji hadn’t tried anything and remained respectful of your boundaries, understanding that you were in a vulnerable state. You also didn’t make an effort to remove yourself from him for the duration of your time inside of the pond. You hated to admit it to me but you enjoyed the comfort of being in his arms. 

Your dress was still completely drenched and you were beginning to panic at the thought of having to leave half-nude. The thought was fleeting as you felt a piece of fabric drape over your shoulders– it was Toji’s overshirt. It smelled just like him — raisin rum with an intoxicating hint of cologne. You turned to face him to see him already nearly dressed. All that was left was putting on his undershirt which he was in the middle of putting on. You watched as he looped his arms and his head through the holes and then took sight of you.

If you weren’t so stubborn to retell this portion of the story, you would’ve admitted that he smiled at you; however, you said it was an apparition of a distant smile, “Looks good on you. You should keep it.”

He approaches you and starts to button the shirt up for you. His fingers, though so scarred and rough, ghosted your skin mercifully. He buttoned nearly all of them minus the top one and huffed in contentment.

“Don’t need other people looking at what’s mine.” He states and anticipates your retaliation.

You laughed at his words and pushed him away, “Someone is going to overhear you one day and start making false assumptions about our relationship.”

He raised a brow and challenged, “Yeah? And what is our relationship? Friends with benefits?”

“That would imply that there were benefits.” You replied as you began to walk towards the section of the dry land that you had left your belongings in.

“There could be. You’re still a virgin. Don’t you want to lose it to someone who isn’t some Zenin or Kamo scum?” He suggested as he followed closely in toe.

“Need I remind you that you are still a Zenin and are very scummy.” You retaliate, not at all taking the conversation seriously and trying to collect all your belongings.

He ignored your comment and almost began to plead, “Seriously, think about it. It’s a win-win. You get laid by someone experienced and who you know and I get to fuck a really hot chick.”

“You swoon me with your words.” 

“You keep denying your attraction to me but I know the way you look at me. It’s not a friendly gaze.” It was his signature phrase when trying to convince you to admit your attraction to him. He needed you to know that he was serious about this arrangement and that he wasn’t going to take no until you heard him out. 

And he did just that. You felt yourself gulp and slowed your movements in gathering your belongings, “Oh yeah? And what kind of look would that be?”

“Like you want me to bend you over.” He said with a sultry consonance to his voice. “No need to feel ashamed because trust I want to do the same to you. Maybe even worse.”

You didn’t deny his accusations nor acknowledge them. You let it be up to interpretation but you both knew better.  

Ultimately, you sighed in defeat because, in all honesty, you didn’t want to lose it to someone you were arranged to marry especially to a relative of Toji’s. On the slim chance that you develop feelings for the man you are supposed to marry, it might benefit you to know what to do. Okay, maybe that was pushing it but the offer didn’t sound entirely bad. 

“Hypothetically, if this were to happen. Where would we do it? Though I love my garden, I am not entirely keen on outdoor sex.” You asked, finally facing the man who looked like a dog wagging his tail from side to side.

“Easy, we’ll do it at my place.” He rapid-fired as if he had the answer locked and loaded.

“Sure, that would work. Next, let’s set some boundaries and non-negotiables. If one of us disagrees with the other’s non-negotiable or if we both agree and the other dishonors it the whole thing is called off, deal?” You reasoned and knew this fantasy would not last past your first non-negotiable but Toji was resilient. “Luckily for you, I only have one.”

He nodded his head, “Shoot.” 

“My only non-negotiable is neither of us can fuck other people.”  You smirked as you saw his expression falter from the previous excited one and you continued, “We can go on dates, flirt with other people, and even kiss other people. However, neither one of us can fuck other people. If I find out you fucked another woman then this whole thing is over. Think you can handle that, womanizer?”

“You play dirty, doll.” He enjoyed fucking and disliked being tied down to something but he was willing to try. The idea of you flirting and kissing other men wasn’t a pleasant one and the idea of you fucking someone other than him irritated him to no end. You were an extremely attractive woman and there were plenty of men that would want to let you know that. Toji wasn’t insecure by this, no, he just knew if he saw that he’d—we’ll get to those stories eventually. “My non-negotiable is that we have to tell each other if we are meeting other people.”

You found that reasonable enough and nodded in agreement. As you were talking you managed to pick up all your belongings which weren’t much, just your dress and your clutch. You walked up to him and extended your hand, “Shake on it?”

He glanced at your hand and watched as his viridescent eyes darkened as they set camp on your lips, he suggested, “How about we seal the deal with a kiss? Makes for good practice.”

Though you were aware he was doing it to fulfill his selfish desire, his suggestion wasn’t bad. If you were to become friends with benefits, kissing comes with the territory and that’s by far the least daunting aspect of the whole arrangement.

You nodded again as you lowered your hand before taking a deep breath and telling him—-even though it felt like it was directed more toward yourself, “Practice. This is just practice. Don’t want you pulling anything, got it Zenin”

“Yes ma’am” is all he said before you felt his lips on yours and a hand resting in the conjugation of your neck and jaw. It wasn’t a peck nor was it a make out, it was a kiss. You were caught off guard by the new sensation and didn’t know how to react to it. All you knew is you didn’t mind it and that whatever he was doing you were trying your best to mimic it which you did earning you the sensation of feeling Toji’s scarred lips smirk into the kiss.

You pulled away but he spoke first.

“Not bad for your first kiss, doll.”

“Shut up.”

From afar, the kiss could be confused as a couple sharing a passionate kiss underneath the night sky basking in the nature that encapsulates their moment perfectly. 

The stars twinkled in glee and as I retell this I secretly do too.

--------------------

soliloquy: an act of speaking one's thoughts when by or regardless of any , especially by a character in a play.

sorry for the late update! was recently my birthday and I spent the week celebrating so kind of forgot to post lmao.

——————

tags:

@cococola-cocaine @justtnat @softvgold

comment to let me know if you want to join the tag list for future updates!

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | Toji Fushiguro | first acknowledgments

characters: toji fushiguro x gojo!reader, toji zenin x gojo!reader

summary: As the future head of the Gojo clan, a certain persona needs to be projected at all times; calm, calculated, and reserved. Not a single soul other than your younger brother has seen you be anything other than that. All except Toji Zenin, the enigma who has been following you for as long as he can remember.

tags: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, mentions of misogyny, Toji is enough of a warning, strangers to friends to lovers to ?, angst, fluff, eventual smut

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To be a part of a community, you gain a collective of like-minded people; when you're born into a clan, you lose the right to your individuality the day you are conceived. Being the oldest of the esteemed Gojo family expectations were set upon your birth. The fact that you were born a woman and not as a man certainly left many within the clan apprehensive of your potential as the future of the clan leader. Your parents were praying that you would inherit either Limitless or the Six-Eyes; or better yet both. The universe had delivered upon your parent's prayers, and you had awakened Limitless at the age of six. You could still recall the tears of joy your mother dropped upon your shoulders when she found out, the look of contentment from your father that never graced your presence since that day, and the sighs of relief amongst the higher-ups. Your whole future was solidified that day at the ripe age of 6.

Of course, a grand party was thrown for you and the blurred faces of people praising you remain a permanent image in your mind. Trying to go play with the kids your age but being blocked by someone awarding you praise. You didn’t know them but they knew you, rather they knew the potential you had. The praises all held the same undertone:

You are the future

You are the new era

You are the future head of the Gojo Clan

As per this pressure, you’ve been very thorough in breeding a certain image for yourself as aloof and recluse. No one had clearance to see any other side of you. Your parents had the luxury to witness it when you were a child but later joined the majority as you realized your purpose in their life. Only one soul witnessed and would continue to witness your most vulnerable side. At the age of 14 when your little brother Satoru was born. He was the most adorable baby with the brightest set of eyes rivaling your own, tufts of snow-colored hair, and just the overall essence of innocence that a baby is known to have. The notion that the expectations that were placed upon you would soon transfer onto him left a strong desire to protect him from this world. His existence was a beacon of hope for the Jujutsu world but to you, his existence was your reason to continue abiding by the rules of the clan.

He was your baby, Toru. Since the day you laid eyes on him, you knew that he would be basking in your enshrouded love for eons and centuries to come. Even if there were to come a day when he no longer needs you in his life, you would remain omnipresent.

When you had enrolled in Jujutsu Tech at 15 and had to leave him for the first three years of his life. You would visit the compound regularly to uphold your duties but allowed for that time to equal spending time with Satoru. Howbeit, it was never for longer than an hour you made use of the time. Your time as a student was perhaps the first ounce of freedom you had ever experienced yet also just another reminder of what you were bred to be. As per the clan's expectations, you started and ended your career as a student as a special-grade sorcerer. The clan had allowed you to continue as a sorcerer and even allowed for you to become a teacher at Jujutsu Tech once Satoru was of age to attend. Though that was years away, you were excited about that future nonetheless.

The clan held a grand celebration when Satoru inherited his cursed techniques as they invited all the other clans to join in on the festivities. They held it in one of the banquet halls in the compound and though you loved your brother with an amount that could never truly ever be calculated, you couldn’t bear to watch your brother become another victim of this fate and for any questions relating to your potential marital status. Though you were the next heir, the guest was too engrossed in their own political commentary to notice you slip away.

Much like any other heroine in a novel, you whisked yourself away into the family gardens. It had become your sanctuary ever since you stumbled upon it on a random night when life had become too overbearing. It was secluded away from the other homes on the compound and hardly ever frequented by anyone. When you discovered it, it was hard to even tell it was a garden. The whole area was polluted with dead flora and you felt the only sense of normality you had in your life was tending/visiting the garden. It’s sad to say but in your twenty years of life, this is the closest you’ve felt to being calm in your life.

As you walked upon the garden, you flopped yourself down in the midst of all the flora as you let out a breath you hadn’t even considered to have been holding in. You stared up at the stars that would always greet you at this time of night. You had given up on trying to memorize constellations and their names, what's the use? There would be no one to share your knowledge with at the end of the day. You wholeheartedly believe that you have had longer conversations with yourself than with anyone else. Even the stars had a community they could relate to. In some ways, you believed they could be compared to you. They were bright enough for people to look at and find interest in but not important enough to get to know. In your mind, you theorized that they probably listened in on the planets when they discussed kicking Pluto out.

“What a life.” You uttered as you watched the scenery above you. The trees swayed in and out of your view as they synchronized with the wind, the stars performing their constellation dance, and the moon watching over you in pity. Similarly to the attendees in the banquet hall, it would seem that you didn’t notice that someone else had entered your sanctuary.

Who could? Toji Zenin thought as he observed the oldest Gojo who was far too invested in your world to notice him. Your white hair fell around you in resemblance to snowflakes, your eyes as icy as a body of water in the height of winter, and your lips parted like the fish stuck in said body of water. You were undoubtedly beautiful and even Toji could admit that. He had thought as much since you were children. Throughout the clans, everyone was trying to have you married off to their sons while their sons offered no retaliation as they too were pleading for your hand. Of course, for the sake of having a Gojo but you were a sight to behold. He had seen you plenty of times during these kinds of events but you would never see him. You would run away and he would follow but never interact. Toji would never give an answer as to why he had begun this one-sided tradition for he also had no idea.

Over the years, out of precaution, Toji would maintain a relatively large distance between the two of you on the off chance that you would notice him. As the tradition progressed, the less cautious of the distance he became. Each year, he would inch closer and closer to you until now where he could consider himself to be within view of you if you had tried but obviously visible.

He watched as you lifted your arm into the sky, opening your palm out, and letting it stay like that for a few moments before hastily dropping your arm over your eyes with yet another sigh. If he had seen your perspective, he would have noticed the positioning of your palm being directly under a star. However, he didn’t need to be in your perspective because this was a habit of yours that you had developed over the years. He knew, that you knew, that you’d never catch a star. You had always a stoic and professional among the general public, no one could have guessed that the next Gojo head would be stargazing, much less, trying to “catch” a star without a thought in mind. For someone as low-ranking as Toji was in the jujutsu world, he could only find amusement in the situation.

“There you are!” A young Satoru enthused as he ran full throttle toward you before plopping down on top of your fallen body. You let out a noise at the abrupt action, coughing a tad bit as the wind was knocked out of you. The young boy notices and begins to laugh at your predicament. You cherished his happiness and made it a mission to always provide him with a smile during each interaction.

“You think attacking your older sister is funny, huh?” You began with a mischievous smile adorning your features. He didn’t need to be a wielder of the Six-Eyes to know what his sister’s next move was as he began to scurry off of you but was far too late as you sent a barrage of tickles his way.

“S-Stop! Ha-Ha! I-I w-wasn’t laughing! I swear!” He pleaded between a fit of laughs.

“Hmm, I don’t know ‘Toru seems like you were laughing to me. Say you were and I’ll stop.” You teased as you continued your “attacks” on the young boy. He tried to remain strong in his claims but ultimately surrendered.

“Fine!I did laugh!” and just like that the tickles stopped but were soon met with a warm embrace and a kiss on the cheek from you. Toji fleetingly wondered how that felt.

“See in return for being honest, you get rewards. Remember that in the future ‘Toru.” The young boy nodded at the statement before nuzzling himself further into the conjugation of your neck urging for the affection to last.

“So what do I owe the honor of having you here with me?” You asked as you lifted your body in a sitting position inevitably taking his up with yours and letting your head rest atop his head. “Certainly, Mother and Father didn’t allow for you to roam off by yourself.”

“These things are always so boring! I thought today was supposed to be about me.” You could feel the pout on Satoru’s lip and held him tighter. If only he knew that today was all about him, the him of today and the him of the future.

“You and I can celebrate another day. Just you and me.” You reassured yet since the day he was born every day has been about him. This easily excited the young boy as he babbled about all the things he wanted to do.

Yet, another sight to behold is the next Gojo clan leader being affectionate. Each passing year you had come to surprise the outcasted Zenin. He had seen many things but he had never seen you interact with the youngest Gojo. The garden looked like an accessory compared to how at ease you were with Satoru.

Toji watched as the siblings both stood up, you brushing out everything and anything that could tamper with each other's appearance before leaving hand in hand back to the venue. Feeling safe enough to emerge from his hiding spot, he enters the pathway with folded arms over his chest standing behind the two Gojo’s watching them leave. In accordance with the routine, he would stay a little longer before making his own exit.

What wasn’t a part of the routine was Satoru turning his head and making direct eye contact. Toji has spent his entire life being an invisible man. No one could ever tell he was standing behind them and no one would particularly care if they did know.

Satoru tugged at your hand urging you to look as well and you did. You gave the man a nod of acknowledgment with a ghost of a smile before turning to Satoru.

“He’s a friend of mine.”

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | ᴛᴏᴊɪ ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ| forgotten gems (18+ MDNI)

pairings: toji x gojo!reader

summary: your family doesn't understand your value but Toji sure does.

tags/genre: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, suggestive language (thanks to Toji, of course), explicit language, symbolism (?), misogyny, satoru being a little brat (are we surprised?), strangers to friends to ?, fluff, 2nd person point of view, the first person point of view switches are intentional!, original character (Osamu Zenin).

warnings: 6.3k word count, rated M (18+) for language and sexual scenes, mutual masturbation, vaginal sex, male dom, fem sub, praise kink, degradation kink (barely), boob play, calls her a slut, handjob (fem and male rec.), teasing (this is toji were are talking about), sweet talk, dirty talk, pet names, semi-edging, cowgirl, safe-sex (they used a condom).

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You had let your guard down. Your mother had informed you about a brunch you had with your father and it did psyche you out. Your father never had a one-on-one with you unless it was business-related. Therefore, your thoughts leading up to the brunch pertained to your father with slight glimpses of that night with Toji.  Your mother had chosen your clothes, usually a cause of alarm but you had been so preoccupied that you didn’t question why she had insisted you wear a pale blue kimono with displaced floral arrangements as the design and to wear your hair up in a bun with silver floral blue hairpin. Extravagant wardrobe choice for a brunch.

You were truly blindsided when instead of seeing your father you were met with a smug Osamu Zenin sitting at the table you were directed to with food already there for you. 

“Gojo, you made it this time. I was expecting to be stood up as per the usual routine that we find ourselves in.” He mocked. Even his appearance reeked of pretentiousness. His relatively long hair was being pushed out of his face and into a low ponytail.

He wore a yukata that was similar in color scheme to your outfit, just a darker shade of blue and devoid of any sort of pattern. His frame came nowhere close to Toji’s. He was slender and had a few developed muscles in his biceps at best. Gesturing to the seat in front of him, he says, “Please take a seat. I paid for all this food and it would be a shame to see it go to waste.”

Osamu Zenin was the perfect man for you. 

A sentence that your mother believed wholeheartedly to be true. In comparison to any other son that Naobito had tried to set you up with, your mother voiced her utmost praise for Osamu. She would surmise him as a younger version of your father, down to the haircut and the personality. Truly what any woman wants a potential suitor to be described as. Among the Zenin clan, he fell under the previously inhabited category of Most Attractive. However, his personality didn’t match it. His looks had the female diaspora yearning for him and his personality had them at his beck and call. You called it an epidemic of Stockholm Syndrome.

You surveyed the restaurant out of the slim hope that your father would appear from either the bathroom or the front doors. Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found. You scoff at the situation, “If a woman actively avoids seeing you during arranged meetings like this, that should be a clear enough sign that she isn’t interested.”

“Send your mother my gratitude for managing to make this happen.” He took no offense to your words and dared to smirk, “You’d be pleased to know that this meeting holds substance.” 

“How so?” You ask with the same amount of interest that you had from the beginning of the interaction. 

Zenin hold a dominant trait within their family. It appears in each generation and if it skips one then surely the child is illegitimate. That trait is being incessantly annoying until they get what they want. You’ve seen it first hand and historians write about it enough for it to be true. They were bred manipulators with an apathy that matched that of a sociopath. 

The Gojo’s were quiet with their manipulation. It’s hard to tell it even happens until someone is negatively impacted by the repercussions. They also hid their misogyny well.

“Take a seat. I hate looking up at women when it’s unnecessary.” He urged with a load of disdain coming from his mouth. Women were to be at his beck and call. Never the other way around. He had confessed that to you during one of your first meetings. He knew of your reputation and he was confident that he could make the impenetrable Gojo his without much effort. Gojo’s are complicated beings and he had figured that out after 6 years of courting. His favorite play must’ve been Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew. Unfortunately for him, yours was As You Like It.

“And I like looking down on men when it is.” You shot back with a pointed look with your arms crossed over one another not before directing it toward the other patrons inside. The entire establishment reeked of affairs and widowers. “Speak up or I’m leaving.”

“You Gojo’s are insufferable.” You heard him mutter under his breath. 

The Gojo’s and the Zenin had a history dating back to the era of feudal Japan. The story goes that during the Edo period, the heads of the clans fought resulting in the death of the Gojo clan head. It was said that they were each in possession of their inherited techniques– a battle of the century. The backstory as to what led to the fight has been misconstrued and in semblance to the Bible has been interpreted further and further from the truth. It was a mystery to you why Naobito wanted to push a marriage between the two families. The malignant history should’ve prevented any sort of arrangement.  Your father was impartial to the arrangements and if he did care, he made little effort to show it. 

“Yet you still chose to pursue me. Seems counterproductive.” You chastise, “The answer will remain the same for as long as I live. I’d pick any of your relatives over you without missing a breath.”

He scoffed and countered, “Now you and I both know that’s not true.” 

He may have been right. The other “suitable candidate” would be Jinichi and let’s just say you liked his brother better.

“Do we? Because I’m failing to see when you and I have seen eye to eye on anything.” Your voice had slightly risen and if there had not been prior threatening conditions, a few heads would’ve been turned. From the outside looking in, you two were in the middle of a lover's quarrel. A demeaning assumption to be lumped into.

“You’ve wasted my time.” You sighed and decided not to linger any longer, “This meeting doesn’t hold any substance and I do not like wasting my time so frivolously. If that’s all you had to say I’ll be leaving.”

Your feet pivoted away from him, walking away as you searched inside your clutch to text your driver that you were ready to be picked up.

Osamu didn’t seem bothered by it. He had anticipated that reaction. He snapped his fingers at your departing figure and called out, “Oh, I wouldn’t leave so soon. This proposal is concerning the Six-Eyes that you treasure so much.”

His words managed to halt your movements but were not enough to commit to turning back. Each snap he’d do was transcribed in your mind as a countdown of you getting closer to getting visibly pissed off.  Having found your phone, you quickly typed out a text to your driver but let your fingers hover over the send button before you questioned his audacity,  “Are you using my brother as a threat? Should I relay to you the reason for my declining all your former marriage proposals?”

“I say that to you not as a threat but as a warning from your clan.” You turn around and see the satisfaction dripping from his tired eyes. You’ve seen that expression before and it wasn’t as antagonizing as his.

“You’re speaking in tongues. Would you like me to cut it off?” You warned but he didn’t back down even if he knew you weren’t one to speak without purpose. 

“Always quick-witted aren’t you?”His boisterous laughter resounded through the restaurant. He turned some heads but they soon disappeared into their conversations. He laughed out your name before explaining, “Do you truthfully believe that your clan is going to allow a woman to lead them? Let alone by herself? It would be blasphemous for you to even be considered in earnest for such an important position.”

“I don’t see why they wouldn’t. I at least would know how to get to the point in meetings like this.” You stated before turning your phone off and placing it back into your clutch.

“Your clan has no plan on making your position permanent. You are merely there to become an acting clan leader for Satoru. After he gets to a relatively sentient age, they’ll release you of your title and sell you off to become a housewife.” He informed you as he looked thoroughly pleased that you had finally given him your full attention. He took a bite out of one of the hors d'oeuvres and continued, “How does it feel to be lied to?”

You remained poised but let your words pierce for you.

“Why would you of all people know any of this? I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you at any of the Elder meetings.” You mockingly wondered, searching for an answer in the ceiling. Your eyes find him again and you deadpan, “Oh, wait.”

He scoffed, “I happen to be in the ones you aren’t a part of.”

“Is that so?” Knowing full well that he was spewing bullshit.

“Why would I risk my livelihood for a man.” Then it clicked. He was so insistent on being married off. Particularly to you. A Gojo, nonetheless. It was for the same reason men initiated wars or talked over women. It all came down to power. 

“Ah, that’s what it is, isn’t it? What this whole thing is about? This has never been about Satoru.” You began as you lifted yourself from your seat and gathered your clutch into your hands.

“Where are you going?” He asked. His hands were getting ready to grasp your wrist but were repelled by an invisible force. You glance down at his hand and scoff, “Not enough for you to know how different you are from me.”

“I’ll say this as I look down on you because I know how you adore looking up to me. You’ve been doing it your whole life.” You leaned your body down until you were level with him and zeroed your blue eyes into his eyes, “You loathe the idea that a woman would be in a higher position than you. If I marry you, it’s because I chose to. Not the other way around. Your threats don’t even hold a value because even in that scenario, you're not the one in power.”

But neither did you. Sorry to cut off your monologue but if his power was nonexistent then yours was miniscule.

Families tend to bear the signage of their legacy. A Gojo was thorough and quaint with an honorable benevolent presence. Their eyes and hair are key components to their icy exteriors. Not an inch of warmth to be dispelled from them. They get what they want and whoever harbors the consequences of that is left as residual fragments of their greed.  

That’s why when you walked into your family’s dining room, you had all but smoke coming from your ears when you saw your mother enjoying her midafternoon tea with a fashion magazine in hand. You were a spitting image of her minus your hair and eye color. Her hair was pulled back into a bun and a blue hairpin similar to yours. Her kimono was also blue but was a shade of blue that was nauseating to stare at. Kind of like a person with motion sickness on a boat. She didn’t have to bat an eye to notice the bad energy you had given off when you entered the room.

“Back from brunch so early?” She commented as she licked his finger to turn the page. 

“Would have been there longer if the meeting was worth my time. I ask that you don’t involve me in any of your schemes moving forward.” You tried to remain composed but it was hard when she barely acknowledged your presence. 

“Osamu is a good man. He has a good head on his shoulders and enough tact to understand what it means to rule a clan. He is perfect for this family.” She answered, not breaking her stride in skimming over the magazine pages. 

Your father was the pillar of your family and your mother was the maintenance crew that made sure to preserve that image. Your mother had a mind but that mind was enshrouded with images of your father’s reputation. It must have been an inherited trait to desire to control every and any aspect of life. Her image must be upheld alongside those whom she associates with. 

Of course, you included. It was deceitful to the public that she portrayed herself as a loving mother. You’d tell me that she was the Victorian era’s incarnated embodiment. She loathed you since she laid eyes on you. She had done everything right — met your father, married him, received the power, and bore the clan an heir. During that high, she failed to take into account birthing a daughter. A firstborn daughter, at that. Countless times had she tried to mold you into the perfect woman by attempting to dissuade you from becoming the clan head. Deeming it to be too masculine for a woman. That playing house was biologically instilled within you and that going against it was an act against nature.

Your mother, though married into the family, held the insinuation of being a Gojo best. Her favorite color would have been green if blue didn’t exist. She designated specific blues for the family. Your father was a Royal Blue to commandeer his role in society and accentuate his noble features. His color resembled the waves of The Great Wave off Kanagawa. He carried power in his stride with a color that was made for him.

 Satoru was categorized as a blue which could never be forgotten. You see it once and use it as a reference for describing the perfect hue of blue. It illuminates any kind of room whether it be an office, a library, or a bedroom. It matches each occasion. As a gem, he was a sapphire solitaire. 

Blue is the root of all your problems. From your conception to the present day, blue plagued you because you weren’t a specific hue of blue. Matter of fact, you were the palest blue that painters could find. The kind of blue that was painted in nurseries, the kind that the sky was known for, and the kind that resembles a forget-me-not. As a gem, you belonged in the possession of someone else.

You were cold. No, not because of your appearance but because you decided to wear nothing beneath the baby blue silk pajama set in place of the pair of sweats and the baggy t-shirt you had tucked underneath the floorboard of your closet. You were in your room and you easily could’ve wrapped your blanket around you but didn’t feel like staying in your room. It had as much personality as your public persona. It’s not like you were able to design it. Your mother’s strict aesthetic did not discriminate when it came to your private life. If anything it was meticulously calculated. She wanted it to become a lifestyle rather than a facade. 

You wanted the comfort of a home. This room that has been yours since you were born never grew to become one. The house as a whole was not one either. In hindsight, you should’ve gone to the garden but the chances of running into Toji were too risky. 

Since your night with Toji, you were scared of him. How he made you feel per se. Never in your life had you felt as desired as he made you feel. Sex was coined to be meaningless for people in your age group. Just something that had to be done by a certain cutoff age. From what Yuki had told you, it happens and you move on. So why would you rather let your garden wither than have to face him? 

Intimacy comes with sex, that’s just the nature of it. You knew what you were getting yourself into but the capacity of it left you blindsided. You’ve been praised for your value for so long that you have forgotten that your value was based on your worth besides someone else. Without a name, you were as good as a fine china dining set. You had gone on a whole morality spiel with Satoru about the importance of names and yet you hated when people used your name. That night your name was brought up but instead of it feeling like a weight on your shoulders it was the complete opposite.

A man should never have this sort of hold on you. They never have until him. Not even with guys who looked like him. All the men in the world could disappear in the world and you’d exhale in content but not without the wandering thought of him. 

Nature was a familiar topic for you. Nature and instinct coincide with one another. You adhered to instinct well. That’s why you knew that your relationship with Toji was based on the natural pull of instinct. 

While you were enshrouding yourself to fear, Toji was convinced that you would be the best he ever had and encouraged the thought of seeing you again. He had been going based on late-night fantasies he’s had of you since he was a teenager. How could he not? The desire to want something that is so out of reach yet so agonizingly close? You had manifested into a personalized kink for him. He could freely explain his desires for you ranging from what he wanted to do to putting those desires to practice. He was open in that sense of your relationship. That was the situation until you turned the tide.

You stopped coming to the garden, completely. It could’ve been a coincidence seeing as during that time of year cursed spirits tend to be at an all-time high. However, you aren’t the only sorcerer in the world and you couldn’t possibly be busy enough to neglect your garden. It wasn’t until after the second week of your absence that he clued in that you were avoiding him.

He wasn’t having it. In the same way that he was “having” an overly intoxicated woman grinding her ass on him with no rhythm to save her life. A few weeks ago, she would’ve been the standard- an average girl with big tits and an even bigger ass. He accepted that a lot has changed for him since he met you. He pushed her off and though she scoffed at his rejection she didn’t continue her advances and let him leave. He didn’t even know why he was at this club. He didn’t want to be there. He thought the neon flower light decorations were too tacky compared to what he had grown used to. He didn’t want to see the flowers in the garden, frankly, he didn’t give a fuck about them. He wanted to see you.

You had been in your world when you began to hear taps against your bedroom window. You’d seen clouds earlier that day and had written off the tapping as heavy rain. Your heart nearly leaped out of your chest when you noticed a dark shadowy figure tapping incessantly on your bedroom window. Foolish to even confuse the sounds of Toji Zenin as something so peaceful

You pondered for a while if you should even acknowledge him. You could go about your night and pretend he’s not there. You would’ve followed through if your window didn’t sound like it was on the brink of cracking.

You cracked the window open and immediately started questioning him, “What are you doing here? How’d you even know this was my room?”

For once, Toji wasn’t annoyed by your incessant need to ask trivial questions. He would’ve let you continue with your tangent if it hadn’t felt like it was below zero degrees outside.

“I’ll answer all your questions if you just let me inside. It’s fucking cold out here.” He had the decency to ask but didn’t plan on listening to what you had to say after. He tried to push through the small gap you left open but you blocked it with your body. He raised a brow at your actions, amused by your stance, and cocked his head at you to speak. His expression briefly reminded you of the look he had from that night and you prayed he didn’t hear you gulp. It was dark out and the light from the moon couldn’t make out. 

“Ironic. The man with an inhuman body is getting taken down by a little breeze.”

His eyes darted to your breast and he couldn’t help but lick his lips, “Not the only one that’s being affected.”

You furrowed your brows and let your eyes travel to where his eyes had landed and felt yourself heat up. You weren’t wearing a bra. Why would you? Your nipples pierced through your silk pajama shirt enough that you couldn’t even form a rebuttal. You crossed your arms over one another trying to protect your decency. Again, why would you? He had seen far more than an erect nipple from you.

You shook your head and tried to affirm, “You need to leave. You can’t be here.” You planted yourself in front of the opening and tried hard to play off your embarrassment. He took your attempts as nonsensical.

He planted his elbow on the ledge and used his hand to prop his head, he mused, “You’re gonna make me leave after I’ve gone through all this trouble? You're so cruel, sweetheart.” 

He had used that nickname once before. At the time, you assumed it was a slip of the tongue. Even now, you have followed that same mentality. 

You scoffed and puffed your chest out, “Cruel is one of the many things I’ve been called and I take pride in it.” 

His position remained the same, caring little that his body could enter hypothermia if he remained outside. He continued the banter, “So have I. You’re nothing special, sweetheart.”

Surely, not a slip-up anymore.

“That’s a new one.”

“Like it? Think it matches you well.”

“A lot of words have been used to describe me but sweetheart has to be a new one”, You shook your head in protest and subconsciously side-stepped out of the window opening. Enough to give him an opening, one that you had noticed too late. Your back was already pushed into the wall and his hands were cupping your jaw. You opened your mouth to speak but he had his fill of hearing your voice. His lips caged yours in desperation. His desperation could only be described as Odysseus coming back home after decades away from Ithaca. You couldn’t reprimand him either because as much as you had actively avoided him, you missed this feeling. One that you couldn’t pinpoint.

“Good.” He breathed out before diving back to your lips. His lips suctioned onto yours as if he were sucking the seed out of a cherry. His hands that had been stationed on your chin deviated to the back of your neck, pushing your lips further into his. Breathing did have to happen and with one last peck, he spoke, “I would hate for someone to see you like that.” 

“As a decent person?” You tried to joke and keep the situation airy but you missed the feeling of his lips on yours already. This is what you had been afraid of. He is an addiction you can’t quit once you start. He held that over you and he didn’t even know it.

“You think you're decent?” He asked as his lips traveled down from your lips. Kissing against your chin with the same amount of passion as he had down to lips seconds prior.

You softly exhaled, “Don’t think I’m the worst.”

“Sure, you don’t.”

“And you are?”

“Don’t start putting words in my mouth now.” He scoffed as he sucked harshly against your neck. He let that happen multiple times, each more prominent than the last. You let his mouth ruminate on your neck in bliss. The breeze coming from your window knocks you to your senses.

“We have to stop.” Your room was far enough from the rest of your family’s rooms but you didn’t trust your voice if you did continue on the path you guys were heading toward.

“Have to? Or scared to?” He asked with the intent of getting a legible answer. He knew you avoided things when they got too serious. He’s experienced it firsthand. His hands trailing toward the buttons on your shirt and unbuttoning them with expertise. With your boobs on full display, he let your shirt drop off your shoulders and onto the floor while his fingers wasted no time toying with the nipples that had been taunting him since he had seen them.

“Gotta answer? Your body does.” He mocked before letting one of his hands sweep across your stomach until they found solace in the band of your pajama pants. Just like the bra, you weren’t wearing any panties. His fingers fiddled with the band but restrained themselves from delving further.

“Got anything to do with you disappearing on me?” He whispered into your ear with his eyes targeted at your own. You tried to avoid them by focusing elsewhere but looking up or down you’d still be met with him. 

You groaned from the sensation of his hands, “You want to talk about it now?” 

He squeezed particularly harder on your boob and inched his hands further into your pants then cheekily asked, “Why? Is now a bad time?”

This had to be some form of torture. You wouldn’t put it past Toji to leave you like this. He tends to do things his way and right now was a prime example of it. As you said before, Zenin’s are inherent assholes. However, he was currently the asshole that managed to cause a pool to form in between your legs and the only one capable of doing anything about it.

“I was busy.” You answered quickly. It wasn’t a lie but it also wasn’t the whole truth. You could’ve reached out to him or even gone to the garden. The reasoning as to why briefly left you as you pushed your legs against one another was to absolve you of the tension that he had built up. 

You felt his smirk against your ear before whispering, “Nah I don’t think so.” He dipped his head down to kiss the edge of your cheek that led into your ear. His hand on your boob continued its ministrations while the other one let your pants pool at your ankles before continuing its journey into your cunt. He would stop himself whenever he’d hear your breath falter, “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were avoiding me, sweetheart.”

You hummed eagerly, impatiently waiting for his fingers to find your clit. Any conscious reasoning telling you to stop before was shunned by lust. He was satisfied with your admission. He promised himself that he’d edge you the next time he’d get to have you and this reaction was enough for him. His fingers gave you what you wanted and your immediate response was to let out a cry. Your mother was home and unfortunately, her room was the closest to yours. 

You bit your lip to mask the noise but he wouldn’t allow for that. His pace went faster, swirling his finger over the bud and flicking it a few times. He was trying to elicit noise out of you. It was hard to tell before what he was wearing, the moon barely illuminating his figure. He was wearing a black crew neck and sweatpants. Nothing to gawk at. It was his usual clothing but it did give you an idea of your own.

You slid your hand to his bulge and palmed it over his pants. He groaned into your ear, “You're better than that. If you’re gonna do it, you shouldn’t half-ass it, baby.” He let the hand that had been busy on your boob deviate to his waistband pulling his pants along with his boxers down to let out his hardened cock. He grabbed your hand and said, “Spit.”

“W-What?” You stuttered, staring at your hand in awe. 

“Need to wet it before you start to stroke it.”

You were reluctant to do so but did as you were told. He smirked and guided your hand to the base of his cock. You’d never given a handjob before yet you managed to handle his cock with ease. He had to reward you for your hard work and caught your lips before plunging his fingers into your cunt. His groans and your moans fought for dominance as they desperately tried to be heard. 

He was knuckling deep in your pussy while your pace on his cock was faltering. 

“Doing so good for me, sweetheart. You must be wishing my fingers were something else.” He grunted as his pace increased. Your back arched against the wall while your body curled into his. His words held truth but you weren’t going to deny his fingers were doing a good job substituting it. 

Your fingers tried to simulate the same pleasure he had been giving you, trying to remember the porn videos you’d watched when you were younger. You let one of your fingers graze his slit before swirling your finger around the base of the head. 

“Am I doing good?” You panted out between battered breaths.

He sucked on your neck as he praised, “Always s’good f’r me.”

His praise went straight to your core and had you shuddering out an orgasm on his fingers. Though you were wrecked from cumming, you were still adamant about getting Toji to cum. His cock was twitching in your hand and you knew he was getting close. Just when he was close to finishing, he pulled your hand away.

You raised a brow at him and he pecked your lips before quickly replying,  “Wanna cum in you.” 

He tossed his crewneck somewhere amongst the other discarded clothes before lifting you and wrapping your legs around his waist. 

“My bed. Now.” That is all you managed to get out of the kiss. He chuckled against your lips before sitting down on your bed and having you straddle him. He tossed his crew neck somewhere amongst the other discarded clothes before cupping your hips in his hands as you leaned in to kiss him. Your hands had tangled themselves in his hair pulling on it as your pussy grinding against his thighs. He halted your movements with his palms, tapping them against your thighs.

“I forgot a condom.”

The Toji Zenin. Forgot a condom. The irony. 

For once, you thanked Yuki for her stupidity. You got off of him, walking toward your closet and searching for the clutch she had let you borrow. Pulling out the box, you tossed them to him before clearing your throat, “Will those work?"

He caught the box and looked at the familiar packaging then smirked up at you, not expecting you to have a stash of condoms but amused that you did. Shaking the box at you, he asks, “Where’d you get these?” 

“A gift from a friend.” You respond as you walk back to him.

“A friend?” He tries to pry, opening the box and pulling out a condom. As far as he’s concerned, he was the only friend you had. 

You narrow your eyes, “Do they fit or not?” 

He chuckles at your insistence but nods, ripping the packaging and putting the condom on with ease. He hooked a hand around your waist, situating it in between his thighs before snaking a hand down to slap your ass catching you off guard. He smirked and challenged, “Still wanna learn how to ride, cowgirl?” 

You flushed at the memory of your first time together. How you managed to be so daring was a mystery to you. It had to be the sex-induced confidence. You’ve heard of a lot of different positions from Yuki. She even gave you a ranking on which positions were best and listed the pros and cons for each one. The downside of this one was stamina and luckily for you and Toji that wasn’t a concern.

You nod your head and you feel his hands on your hips lift you back to the position you were previously in while your hands situated themselves on his shoulders. He kept your hips slightly alleviated from his then used one of his hands to align his cock to your entrance. Not before sliding it along your entrance getting a mewl out of you. 

“Can’t you just put it in?” You irritably asked. Your cunt tried hard to clench on his cock whenever he’d glide it over. 

“Need to give my pretty girl what she wants.” That was his warning before he slammed his cock right into you. Your head lolled to his neck while your nails dug into his shoulders from the impact. A wanton moan followed after the impact and you could only pray no one heard. 

The cocky shit dared to cackle at your reaction. You bit his collarbone but his laugh just became more obnoxious.

He gripped the small of your back, guiding you to bounce up and down on his cock. Compared to your first time, he was handling you in the same manner as he did his hedges, sloppy and rushed. However, just like the hedges he had a method to his madness.

“Just gotta do it like this.” He instructed before whispering in your ear, “Think you can do that, sweetheart?” 

His answer came in the form of another moan and the rolling of your hips into his. You were a fast learner. Such a fast learner that he’d think you’ve done this before. You were going along with what felt right and what would get you closer to the end. With that being said, your awareness about your noise level had been clouded with desire.

“You can’t be so loud. Wouldn’t want your family hearing you be such a slut now would we?” He mocked, rutting his hips into yours at an animalistic pace. He had delayed his orgasm for as long as possible and as he had said he wanted to be in you when he did.

“N-Nooh” Your words and your tone of voice weren’t corresponding to each other. You tried to ignore the way you clenched at the degrading nickname. He wasn’t.

“Oh, you like being called slut?” He growled, harshly slapping your ass causing you to bite down on his collarbone to mask your cries. You tried to match his pace, trying to coordinate with him but it was no use. He was animalistic.

“That’s right. You’re my slut, baby.”

You whimper — something bordering pathetic — but your pride is left on the floor with a whimper being the only noise you could remember. You're nearing your end. He can tell, probably before you can. Your mind is enshrouded in galaxies and nebulas. You wanted it to stay there. You wanted him.

“S’good, baby,” he coaxes, brushing a few sweaty strands of hair from your face. “My pretty girl.” 

You cum hard with his name still on your lips. He caught your moans with his mouth and didn’t relent with his speed trying to catch his end. If he’d continued any longer you would’ve reached your third orgasm of the night. Fortunately, the loud groan he let out in your mouth and the feeling of the condom filling up didn’t let that happen. You wouldn’t have minded if you didn’t feel like your legs were going to be impaired the next day.

He tied the condom off and tossed it in your bedside trash can. He fell into your mattress pulling you on top of him. Your legs tangled and the both of you were communicating in giggles. 

“Can’t believe you forgot a condom.” You teased, laughing into his chest. 

He seemed flustered by the question, an expression you don’t see often from him. He avoided your eyes and lifted a hand to rub his neck before he answered, “I wasn’t planning for things to go this way.”

“What were you planning?”

You felt him shrug.

“Just wanted to see you I guess.”

“Oh.” Is the safest response you could think of. You guys were friends. It was just now with the added benefits. A sting was felt in your chest at the implication but his hands rubbing circles on the small of your back soothed that sensation away.

It was silent for a while. Neither one of you knew what else to say.

His slowed breathing indicated he’d fallen asleep. You felt safe enough to say what you had initially thought. You left a shy kiss on his chest as you mumbled, “I wanted to see you too.” 

Morning came soon and Toji had left just as fast. By the time you’d woken up, he was gone and the window that had been open was firmly shut. All that was left of him was your discarded clothing from the night before, the condom in your trashcan, and a text from him.

Toji:

Sorry.

You rolled your eyes at the text. Why’d he apologize for leaving? You sent a question mark and tossed your phone on your mattress. You threw your pajamas into your hamper before putting on a robe, grabbing a change of clothes, and walked out of your room and toward your bathroom. 

A shriek of your name caused you to turn around. Satoru was standing a few feet away from you with his eyes beyond the words of terror.

“Your neck!”

Curse that Zenin fuck.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: sorry for the three month break! honestly had a lot of trouble writing this chapter. I decided to rewatch the anime and saw some edits on tiktok that sparked my inspiration. the next couple of chapters are going to be heavily reliant on action as to stay relevant to the anime. Also, I have a playlist that I use when I'm writing for this fic. Here's the link!

references:

Taming of the Shrew: Lucentio loves Bianca but cannot court her until her shrewish older sister Katherina marries. The eccentric Petruccio marries the reluctant Katherina and uses a number of tactics to render her an obedient wife. Lucentio marries Bianca and, in a contest at the end, Katherina proves to be the most obedient wife.

As You Like It: Rosalind and her cousin escape into the forest and find Orlando, Rosalind's love. Disguised as a boy shepherd, Rosalind has Orlando woo her under the guise of "curing" him of his love for Rosalind. Rosalind reveals she is a girl and marries Orlando during a group wedding at the end of the play.

The Great Wave off Kanegawa: famous japanese painting.

tag list:

@cococola-cocaine @justtnat @softvgold @missroro

comment to let me know if you want to join the tag list for future updates!

make sure to reblog, like, and comment! they really help me know what you guys like and don't like!

Magnum Opus | back to paradis

characters: ex! Eren x reader, husband! Levi x reader

summary:  returning back to your hometown, Paradis, with your children after the loss of your husband you are met with your first love and first heartbreak, Eren Yeager.

tags: character death, character death is Levi, grief/mourning, parenthood, aged up (26-30 yr olds), slow burn, childhood friends to lovers to exes to ?, first love, emotional infidelity, friendship breakups, angst, fluff, eventual smut, mention of abortion (not reader), problematic family

next part

someone’s 𝐌𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐮𝐦 𝐎𝐩𝐮𝐬 is their most important piece of art or literature. Consider this mine. Consider this ours.

signed, anon

Unwarranted thoughts eroded your mental plane as you watched your youngest child, Amos, grow entranced by the robotic blue cat on a used television you had come across at a garage sale a few days prior. The high chair he was sitting on was a hand-me-down from your oldest child, who was currently at school. To be a kid, unaware of life’s tribulations was a dream that was once lived to the fullest extent. 

You sighed at your mind whilst you drank your companion, decaf coffee. It had only adapted to be such in recent months, feeling the constant need to be awake for longer periods. It was alarming to know how many cups you could go through to sustain yourself. Coffee filters compiling on your kitchen counter, but with no real motivation to throw them away, they just stayed.

Having returned to the city of your adolescence now as a full-fledged adult felt oddly unsettling. Moving back to the state of Paradis was the last place you had ever thought of setting foot in again after purposely leaving it all those years ago. Though the reasoning behind that decision is convoluted into a plethora, the paramount was freedom. Having resided there for so long, you had seen it all, had experienced all there was to experience. It was tiring to repeat the same routine. That and other reasons will unravel as time passes. 

A new beginning was what your family needed and you were going to provide that no matter how much discomfort would follow. 

With your homecoming, word spread quickly throughout the 2014 Paradis High alumni forums. Many who graduated in that year had left for college and stayed in their college towns while others pursued their education elsewhere and returned. Your friend group at the time reigned from the latter. 

Sasha: 

Have you thought about it?

[sent 7:15 am]

You are grateful that you had turned off your read receipts for your messages because as soon as you read the message you made no effort in responding. They had been contacting you for a few days now via text messages and for a while, you responded. To keep the peace between you all but whenever the idea of hanging out was introduced into the conversation you’d weasel your way out. 

It was not because of a personal grudge you held against any of your old friends, on the contrary, you missed them dearly. However, times have changed and you all are not the same people you used to be. New beginnings are allowed to occur even if you return to the same place. That’s what you convinced yourself to believe. 

Refocusing your attention on the kid show — which had become a guilty pleasure to watch — you that had failed to acknowledge your front door open. 

“I have returned!” A voice rang throughout the hallway leading into the living room. Even if they hadn’t spoken, knowing them for as long as you have, simply the way they had opened the door or the sound of their footsteps would’ve been a key identifier. 

“With decaf coffee as promised! I know, I know! Some may say the best godparent ever!” The entity announced, stepping foot into the living room, completely disregarding that no one was regarding their presence.

After a few moments of silence, with only the tv providing additional noise, they attempted to garner their attention.

“Hello?” They elongated their greeting, waving their free hand frantically to attract some attention but to no avail. They were being bested by a blue robotic cat. Not a first-time occurrence for them but the streak was seriously tarnishing their self-esteem.

Of course, you knew that they were there but watching them glare at the tv screen with such hatred was amusing. These days are hard to find in your life. Walking up to them, you down the coffee you had made for yourself before taking the cup of coffee they had bought for you from their hand and patting them on the shoulder showing your gratitude. Pulling out a seat for yourself at the kitchen table as well as one for them, cueing them to mimic your movements.

Hange Zoe, is a well-known figure in the archeology world, not only for their historical discoveries but for their eccentric personality that you truly will not find anywhere else. An abnormal entity is how you’d describe them, for lack of a better word. Meeting in college through mutual friends and leaving a longstanding impression on one another, it was difficult not to grow together as family friends and the Godparent to all three of your children. They provided your small family with all they needed and have been a huge help in the last couple of months. However, their persistence though it’s commendable can be exasperating at times.

They wanted to reprimand you for not only ignoring them but your coffee intake which was the only fuel you ran on. You looked to be a decaying carcass that was fighting for life. Under eye bags growing darker, your face growing slimmer, and the clothes you wore growing duller. Times, when life seemed to be present within you, were when you were surrounded by your children; with your family. 

“So how was the drive?” You asked as you took a sip from the new coffee cup you had attained. “Anything interesting happen?”

“It was nice. They seem excited about the new school. Ace kept rambling about how he was going to be popular because he does Karate and that automatically makes him popular.” They recount as they lean back into the chair, mimicking a karate chop. “And you know Iris, she can’t let him get an ego before tearing that boy into shreds.” 

Yes, you were a mother of three. A set of six-year-old fraternal twins, Ace — one, unity and Iris — rainbow. With now the addition of your one-year-old son, Amos— to carry. Their names are all derived from foreign words as your late husband was very well-versed and interested in linguistics. To many, three kids seem like a nightmare — at first, it did to you too, but when you got to hold them close to your chest and meet them those worries faded. 

You had children reasonably young with only being 20 when you had the twins. Having your first child at 26 was a socially acceptable age to become a parent– in terms of what others have told you. Using one’s imagination, you could simply picture the terror in your parent's eyes when their then 20-year-old daughter let them know she was pregnant with a set of twins. The scene they played out in your college apartment that night was on par with Shakespeare's plays on dramatics. Even more when they realized that Levi was the one who had knocked you up – ”You let a fuck up like him get you pregnant!” or “You’re aborting them!” or “Those things will not be considered our grandchildren!”

They had apologized relentlessly for how they acted in the past but a part of you was aware that it felt disingenuous. An added reason to the reluctance to move.

Moving back to your hometown, Hange knew your mental state would falter harder than it ever was before. Hearing your children adjusting well to the move warmed your heart and alleviated your worrisome thoughts.

“I’m glad to hear they are adjusting well to the move.” Glancing at the cup you were holding, the ring on your finger was possibly the only luminous thing you did these days. “I wish he was here to see it.”

“Do you think he…” You randomly blurted out but decided to hold back the rest of the words, not wanting to believe what you were saying. The chords that unambiguously wanted to recite the score you had given to them were left with a hand that grazed them but weren’t prepared to perform. A case of stage fright. 

Their eyes narrowed at the piece of jewelry, reminiscing about the person who had given it to them. Enveloping their hands on top of yours, they rubbed your accessorized finger. 

“He would be proud of you guys.”

You remained silent for a moment. Their words were nice for reassurance but you already knew that. You simply wanted to bring him up to remember his existence — the impact he held over your life. Though he was certainly never the type to wear his heart on display, he did for you. That was your late husband, a warmed-hearted individual who was misunderstood by the majority. That was your husband Levi Ackerman. 

Your boyfriend of 8 years, your husband for 4, and the father of your 3 children passed away 5 months ago due to heart disease. His death was unexpected with one day receiving a heart-wrenching phone call informing you of his passing. No time for preparation, no warning signs, no hints - nothing. He left without a word. He said nothing. That’s what hurt most. 

The habit of making him the topic of discussion was rather unknown to you. It was natural for you to do it. Not in the same way that teenage girls would when allowed to talk about the boy they liked. Yours held an innocence that was endearing to witness for those around you. Even so, it had been exactly five months since your husband had left you and no form of help seemed to ease the sorrow. Ignoring that he no longer was there for you spiritually alleviated the sorrow, slightly.

“I wasn’t questioning that because I know him. He was always our biggest supporter. I just wanted to know…” You paused, trying to form words from all the jumbled letters compiling in your head. You were always good at articulating your thoughts. You were a gem when it came to those matters of the mind. With the newborn insomnia you had acquired, you were left a bit unrefined in your usual area of expertise. That and you weren’t prepared to ask the question.

Shaking your head, you remove your hands from theirs. “Nevermind. It seems like I can’t remember what I wanted to say. Let’s talk about something else.”

The eye-patched individual dared open their mouth to maintain the topic but your attention had already gone elsewhere. 

“Oh, I just remembered! The kids should be getting out early today. I can show them around town!” You eagerly exclaimed to your eye-patched friend, who wanted to confront you on the somewhat lie you had pulled. “I think they’ll like that.”

Taking the kids out was genuine, you had been talking to them about a good day to do it for a while. They could pry you all they wanted but you were too stubborn to open up so they chose to ignore it, for now. It was proven useless to unpackage your emotions in their years of being acquainted with you. You procrastinated til the last minute, waiting for all the convoluted issues you have stored away to ambush you at your worst because you believed that’s what you deserved. How far you strayed from the truth.

That’s why the tag along in your subject changes. “That’s a great idea! You can show them all the places you used to go to when you were their age!” 

Like stated before you had recently returned to your hometown, never in the ten years that you were away had you come down to visit. Your parents would usually make the drive to Liberio to visit. They never seemed to complain about it either, probably because it was an excuse to travel out of state. Never did they feel bothered by your lack of visitation over the years, they knew your reasonings and respected them. However, they would make comments about your kids possibly becoming snobs with the high exposure to city living. They weren’t used to the small city. This is exactly what Shiganshina used to be, only within the last year had it begun to make a name for itself with the grand opening of a hospital founded by a local family that you couldn’t remember the name of. 

As a kid, you would be found playing with your friends – such as the previously mentioned Sasha – at the park and creating fantasies on whims. Whether it was action, romance, or horror, it would be fun regardless. Every single fond memory of your childhood had been at that park. Though you wouldn’t admit it, you were happy that you would be able to share that with your children. The city park was the local hotspot for kids. You hoped that the same could be said 20 years later which you made sure to mention to your friend.

“Give yourself credit! You were plenty of fun in college so what’s to say you weren’t an equally as fun kid?” They point out as they scroll through their phone trying to find fun activities to do throughout the day. “Heard through the grapevine that you were really into keg stands.”

“That grapevine of yours might be a little tangled. I can’t recall ever doing such a thing.” You feign innocence, resting your head on your fist.

“The grapevine is very reliable when he is blackout drunk.”

“So it’s Erwin?” They choked on their drink at the name drop, patting their chest to regain composure. 

You smile, recalling the times your friends would force you out of your comfort zone. In college, you were known as the wild card. Many were unaware of the type of person you were since you were so introverted in your classes and so extroverted in social environments. People deduced it was due to caring for your grades but to others, it was very well a mystery.

“Ma! Ma!” You heard your child whine. Turning around you noticed the show had ended, which meant his attention was now fully set on you. 

“Coming!” 

You walk towards your child whose hands are already trying to grasp your shirt. Lifting him in your arms, you pat his back. “Looks like no more Doraemon for today. You’ll just have to wait until he comes to visit tomorrow.“

The child whined at your words, pouting his tiny mouth trying to go for an expression of anger but with pursing his lips the way he was a little saliva bubble made an appearance. He didn’t notice it though as he was trying to maintain his expression with maximum efficiency. His gray eyes weren’t trained on your face but on your arms which was good or else he would’ve taken offense to the benign smile traced on your lips. Even when his eyes found yours and began to pat your face harshly to wipe that expression off your face— felt like a marshmallow was being repeatedly thrown at you. All you could do was let out a heartful laugh before reaching for the small hands that were “harming” your face with one of your own, lowering them to his body. 

Another cute expression dawned on his face, a look of confusion — looked more like he was about to poop himself. The child was not prepared for your form of retaliation. As yours was by far way worse than his. Attacking the child’s face with kisses as he giggled, seemingly forgetting that he was supposed to be mad. 

Dealing one last peck on his forehead, you muzzle him closer to your body as you begin to dote on the child. “How can such an angry face still look so darn cute.” You cooed into him.

How could you ever not adore Levi when he gifted you the greatest gifts in the world; his love and your children? The greatest gifts you could ever wish to receive. If you could be greedy, you would’ve wanted him to be here. Wrapping his calloused hands around your waist, placing his warm lips onto your head, he would rock the both of you back and forth to not only calm yourselves but your child. Your other children would get jealous at this point and each individually wraps their tiny arms around either one of your legs as they’d giggle at the momentum.

Unconsciously, you had fluttered your eyes closed to envision the scene that used to be acted out without the need for a cut or a take two. You never repeated it to get it right because it always was. You repeated it for the sake of sharing moments. The author simply enjoyed how serenity was a person – a family. That family was yours, once.

Feeling a substance drip from your eyes, you were crying. You couldn’t commit yourself to the full sob as you made sure to discard the sole tear before it could make a crash landing. 

Glancing down at the child in your arms, you take into account how his eyes were drifting off into their fantasyland as you momentarily had to. 

Turning towards Hange, you let out a sigh of relief to see them so immersed in their phone looking at fun attraction sites to pay attention to you. With a gentle raise of your arms to show them the resting child, you call out loud enough for them to hear but quiet enough for the child to remain asleep. “Our little buddy here is dozing off so I’m going to put him in his crib. While I do that, you can start picking up some of the laundry or toys that you can find on the floor.”

“Using me again? I’m going to have to start charging you for my services, ya know?” They jokingly jabbed, which roused a humorous sound out of you. As you were rounding the corner towards the hallway, a vibration caught Hange’s attention. It was a message coming from your phone. They could’ve just ignored it and done the task they were asked to do but their curiosity got the best of them.

Sasha:

We’re meeting up at Perko’s at 6:30

It would be cool if you made it.

Bring your kids too! We’d love to meet them!

[sent at 8:12 am]

 The name was immediately recognizable to Hange. Not only having met her at your wedding in passing, but Hange had also heard that name a multitude of times. With the number of times, you’d talk about your childhood friends, it was fairly easy to memorize all their names and their significance to you. If their memory served them correctly, Sasha was your best friend for a large portion of your adolescent years. You described your relationship with them once in such a wholesome form; platonic soulmates.

Checking the messages being sent, they noticed you had never responded. They furrowed their brunette brows at the revelation. Why were you ignoring them? It was understandable that with how hectic your life is at the moment to not want to attend but the blatant disregard to not giving them a courtesy response was off-putting. Preserving friendships was a high priority in your life but why were you against preserving your childhood friends?

Their fingers had a mind of their own, typing away into that device of yours. 

 _____

Of course! See you there!

Miss you guys too.

[sent at 8:14 am]

 Hearing a door open was their cue to press send and place the item back where it belonged. Picking up a laundry basket that was nearby they scurried to place any miscellaneous out-of-place items into their basket. To somewhat combat the gnawing guilt they felt for putting you in a situation you were avoiding, they decided to subtly integrate it into the conversation.

“Have any of your high school friends reached out to you? From what your parents said you have been the talk of the city.” They mindlessly spoke trying to paint the narrative of this impromptu conversation.

“In my defense, the city isn’t that big.” You jest, tracing the diameters of the city using your hands. “I would be offended if I wasn’t.”

A jokester you were deflecting the question in a less than obvious way. Not hearing any laughter, you deducted that this conversation wouldn’t be casual. 

“A few have but that’s about it.” You reveal with the accompaniment of a sigh. “I don’t see a point in hanging out when we all have our own separate lives.”

“But what if they want to catch up? You know for the sake of it?” They countered, attempting to match your speed.

“I’m sure they are too busy in their own lives to have time to meet up. We aren’t teenagers anymore.” You remind them as you begin to walk ahead of them.

“Hypothetically…say they did have time to meet up?… Would you go then?” They inquire, silently praying that whatever you answered could be positive. Unfortunately for them, the drop of your shoulders and the lack of movement coming from you were enough to depict a picture of your response. At least, that’s what they surmised.

A familiar ringtone faintly sounded throughout the house which earned a raised eyebrow from you and a panicked expression from Hange. Reaching the destination of your phone and seeing yet another notification from Sasha.

Sasha:

Can’t wait!

[sent at 8:22 am]

Your eyes widened in disbelief at the text and the ones above it, trying to process the situation your dear friend had forced you into. A flash of memories swarm their way to the forefront of your mind; all the good and the bad and all the reasons why you were against meeting any of them again.  Clicking your phone off, you leave it placed in your palm, bouncing it a bit as you pivot your feet in their direction with your gaze still on the device in your hand.

“I’m going to ask you a question Hange and I want you to be honest. You wouldn’t have been going through my texts, right?” Your tone was condescending as you spoke. They knew you knew and were now unaware of their choice in how to handle the situation. Perhaps if they pretended to be clueless, you'd be less harsh.

“Well not necessarily…” They attempted to defend themselves but backtracked on their plan once they witnessed the expression that was bestowed upon them; furrowed brows, a crease developing on the bridge of their nose, attenuated eyes, folded arms over their chest, and your figure leaning on the archway dividing your living room and kitchen. 

They knew then that any form of lying would be proven useless. “It was by accident! Your phone was on the counter and I saw a message from Sasha. I got curious and one thing led to another…”

“Hange.” You push expectantly. They feel themselves shrink at your tone, averting eye contact from your menacing gaze in preparation to confess.

“Let’s just say, you have a reunion to go to tonight at 6:30…” They responded sheepishly while doing jazz hands motions. “Surprise…?”

Smacking them over their arm with a nearby throw pillow as you fume exciting the living room, “Over my dead body! What the hell were you thinking, Hange!”

They yank your “weapon” from your hands – swiftly placing it back among the other pillows on your couch – trying to catch up to your retreating form.  “I thought it was something you’d want!” 

“If I didn’t respond it wasn’t! I spent the better half of a decade ignoring them and now you want to just pop up out of nowhere for a fucking reunion!” You tried your best to not raise your voice, for the sake of your child's sleep schedule, but with the situation, it was proving to be rather difficult. 

Visibly disappointed by your response they kept on being persistent with their questions, throwing out every hypothetical situation there was known to man. All of which you turned down.

“I’ll take Ace to Karate practice for the rest of the week!” 

“Yeah right, you’re so squeamish you wouldn’t be able to handle the puking.” You remind them, watching them deflate at the memory of Ace’s first match where they had to be escorted out of the dojo on a stretcher because they passed out mid-match after seeing a kid barf out his entire lunch in front of them. 

“I’d take care of the kids! I bet they have been waiting to hang out with their favorite godparent!” They boasted about themselves, ignoring the pitiful look sketched on your face. 

After a while of listening, your anger diminished to something similar to amusement. It wasn’t as if the meet-up was going to be a regular occurrence so there couldn’t be much harm in attending. Nevertheless, you were a petty woman, and pretending to remain impassive was entertaining. You listened to their tangents as to why you should go, picking up anything that needed to be picked up off the floor. You’d muse about them for a few moments as it was entertaining to see how dedicated to their cause they were.

“Word on the street says it’s Erwin.” You retaliate as you waved a Ninjago action figure in the air that was bought by said man a few birthdays ago.

Gasping at the comment, they snatch the figure from your hands and shove it into their basket. “He hardly ever visits! How can that even be true!”

“Exactly.”

“I have a right to them! I helped bless them into the world of spirituality! Those kids are going to heaven because of me!” Your eye-patched friend pleaded as they assisted you in carrying a basket of laundry, dodging incoming miscellaneous items that coveted your house. The clutter matches your mental state. The perimeter of the boxes was littered with toys that should’ve been in their respective locations. 

“With you being the Godparent? They received an early access ticket to hell with courtesy of satan written on the back.” You mocked the delusional brunette. Rounding the corner of your house, you sighed picking up the scattered clothing items your children had graciously left for you, dumping them into the laundry basket they were holding.  

“Rude!” They huffed. They followed in your steps, picking up clothes before you could, causing you to roll your eyes at their antics. “Come on! It will be good for you! Out of the house, stress-free, and kid-free! Experiencing your wondrous childhood town now as an adult! Sounds like a breath of fresh air. I am extremely reliable so you wouldn’t have to worry your pretty head about a thing!” 

They ascertained a little too confidently as they failed to take notice of an incoming box which in turn toppled them over, spilling out all the contents in the laundry basket and box onto the floor. 

Masking your laugh with your palm, you shake your head watching as they attempt to push themselves back to stability. Situations like these make it hard to stay annoyed with them for long. Deciding to continue on your facade, you ignore them jumping over their fallen body to reach the entrance of your study.

It was the only unruly part of your household. It was secluded away from all the other parts of the house and with the odd placement of the door, it could easily be confused as a closet. Opening it you were greeted with an oak sectional desk that was chipping away, an outdated computer from your college days, framed pictures of loved ones decorating a matching bookcase, and a tower of folded down boxes that have yet to be thrown out. It was a plain room that most likely will never be renovated. 

“Come on, you never get to do nice things for yourself! I bet you miss those old friends of yours.” They tried to reason as they finally entered the room with the basket in tow.

 “Is it because of him?” They spoke in a hushed voice as if the subject was so taboo it might cause an uproar.

The elusive “him” in question was your ex-boyfriend from high school. The golden boy of Shiganshina, Eren Yeager. The first guy you fell in love with. The first guy to break your heart. Having met him at age 4 at a park when you had pushed him off a slide for hogging it for too long. Some may say that it was a toxic way to begin a friendship but it worked for the dysfunctional duo. Of course, you fell for him first. Hard not to when you were stuck with him for 10 years. It seemed like it was just as easy to fall out of love when Levi came into your life. It was easier for him too as he fell out of love with you first. Confessing to you following your high school graduation that he had been in love with another girl the entire time. 

You scoffed at their question, “I could care less about if he is there or not. I moved on and he certainly did before me.”

“But what he did was pretty messed up. It took you months to even give Levi a chance.” They recalled, wincing at the memories of said point and time in which you joined them. “Poor man would come to Erwin and me for advice. That was peak desperation.”

“Don’t remind me. You’re lucky I liked him enough at the time to put up with the shitty advice y’all gave him.”

“I thought it was pretty good…”

“No wonder you guys were single for so long.” You mumbled, not entirely opposed to them hearing your comment which they certainly did.

“May have been single but never in an empty bed. That’s how I got Moblit.” They countered, which results in you giving them an eye roll. 

“How…romantic.” You riposte, now their turn to return the gesture. 

Taking a cautious gaze towards your figure, they ask again for reassurance.“So this isn’t about the guy?”

“Look at it like this, Hange. Even if he and I wouldn't have broken up after graduation, the outcome would’ve been the same. I would’ve still met Levi and fallen in love with him. He would’ve still pursued the other girl.” You explained with a shrug. “No use crying over a decade-old spilled milk.”

“I guess you’re right but that still doesn’t explain why you don’t want to see them at all. Don’t you miss them?”

“I appreciate it, truly I do, but it isn’t about missing them or not. I want to spend time with my kids. With all that has been going on and now that I’m going to start my new job, spending quality time with them as a family won’t happen as often.” You reveal with a crestfallen expression. “I’d like to cherish these moments while I can.” 

The last set of words fed into the guilt that Hange had already felt. In the months leading up to Levi’s passing, your job had been sending you off on business trips frequently resulting in less time being spent together. Arguments manifested due to this and when you had finally decided to put aside your pride, it had already been too late. You were begging forgiveness to his casket instead of to his face.

“Now I feel horrible!” The brunette bit their lip, allowing you to see the remorseful expression that had washed up on their face. They groaned at your words, enveloping their face with their hands, and they mumbled into their palms. “I hate how selfless you can be, being a mother is basically in the cards for you.”

“If that’s so, I don’t plan on shuffling the deck.” You quip, earning another groan at your lame attempt at a joke – obviously, you laughed at it.

Their eyes narrowed as they playfully criticized you. “Ha-ha, just because you’re a milf doesn’t excuse you from making lame mom jokes.”

“The local dilfs would like to disagree, they eat that shit up. Comes in handy when I want discounts at Home Depot.” You cheekily mention, taking pride in your seductions that had recently come in handy.

Their jaw dropped as if what you said was treachery. “You skank! I always wondered how you managed to bag that lawnmower for $180 instead of $250! You just said it was on sale!” 

“Just one of my many talents.” You joke with a wink. “Besides there was no way in hell I was going to pay full price for a fucking machine I was hardly ever gonna use.”

Becoming newly widowed, you had to fend for yourself. You were so accustomed to having two forms of income flowing in your home that you had forgotten the essential skill that was budgeting. Not to say you were a wealthy family but you had enough to live comfortably. Now being the sole financial provider in the family, tactics such as the example used above came in handy. 

“So are we going?” They ask wearily, not knowing whether or not you have warmed up to the idea or not.

Leaning your head into your chair, you stared at the ceiling idly, twirling a pen you had found on your desk before giving your final verdict on their question, “They have good food there and I used to go there all the time so I guess we’d be knocking out two birds with one stone. We could probably go to the park beforehand to tire them out and I could use that as an excuse to leave early.”

They practically leaped out of their chair at your words, wrapping their arms around your frame and you returned the gesture rather awkwardly at the way they reacted to your answer. They still felt guilty as hell but when you said those words. The guilt was momentarily lifted, allowing them a breath of success. The other details could unravel themselves at another time. For now, they’ll see where the day takes them.

Retracting themselves from the embrace, they begin to head out of the room “Great! I’ll start getting Amos ready!”

“But they don’t get out for another 4 hours. He’s asleep too-“ The sounds of your child’s wails cut you off. They smile victoriously at the sound watching you furrow your brows as you point a judgmental finger at them. “Fine but don’t put him in something stupid.”

Taking faux offense at your warning, they raise a hand to their chest. “I would never! I am a person of taste!”

“If the taste is dressing my child like the pope, may Christ banish thee to hell.” You retort back, pointing to a framed picture on your wall, revealing a rather disturbing picture. It was Hange dressed in nun garb while holding a then 10-month-old Amos dressed as said religious figure in front of your old house in Marley. Your other kids were included in the picture too, your oldest son was dressed as Ace from One Piece — “he has my name mama!” and your daughter was dressed as Wednesday Adams from the Adams Family— “She’s goth. she’s cool.”

“It was Halloween! We looked cute! He looked happy!” They defended, pride burst through them witnessing the framed picture for the first time in a while.

You were beginning to doubt that you were looking at the same picture because it did not take that long to realize that child was in hysterics. Eyeing your friend weirdly as you voiced your concern. “You made my kid cosplay as the pope. How does a bald man in a gown equal a cute and fun baby costume?”

“You framed it! Must mean you think the same way!”

“It means jack-shit. Why do you think it’s in my office and not the living room?”

“To keep it for your eyes only. Very selfish if you ask me. I asked for a copy and you cursed me out.” They huffed in disappointment. 

“More like I’m taking one for the team keeping it in my office.” You snarl while looking at the individual. They ignored your comment, too caught up in their world to realize you calling their name. It took an elevated voice, a wave in the face, and blocking the picture with your body to garner their attention.

“Hmm?”

“Get the fuck out of my office.”

“Can I at least take-“

“Out!”

Chapter 8 Updates

Working on Chapter 8 and workshopping the next chapters to come. Feel like it's kind of obvious but I don't have this story mapped out at all. The first chapter was going to stay a one-shot but due to a lot of interest on ao3 I decided I should make something out of it. From the beginning I always knew how this was going to end and the route I wanted this fanfic to take but never the in between. Therefore, the next chapters might take a while to come out because I'm trying to figure out pacing and plot development.