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𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | ᴛᴏᴊɪ ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ| fleeting thoughts

pairings: toji x gojo!reader

summary: yuki loves to make you overthink

tags/genre: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, suggestive language (thanks to Toji, of course), explicit language, symbolism (?),, satoru being a little brat (are we surprised?), strangers to friends to ?, fluff, 2nd person point of view, the first person point of view switches are intentional!.

warnings: 4.1k word count, alluding to sexual content, yuki tsukumo (yes she deserves a warning)

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“They’re bug bites.” Your words were clean-cut. Your nostrils were flared and your eyebrows tense in position.

Thankfully, Satoru is inconsistent. He reigns as the strongest sorcerer of the era with an intellect that can only be matched by his predecessors. He had the foresight to determine a threat from miles away. His eyes saw all and that included the college of hickeys adorning your neck that fine morning. He was idiotic enough to fall for the shitty excuse you made or maybe that was his age peeking through.

The honored one didn’t bat an eyelash to your excuse. Instead, he showed concern for your predicament and gave you suggestions for the future like purchasing bug repellent, longer-sleeved shirts and long pants. He even suggested not going to the garden as often to not encounter any more bugs. You appreciated his suggestions and said you’d implement them moving forward. 

As for Toji, it was Toji. He gave that lackluster apology and laughed in your face when you told him what had been the aftermath. Nothing out of the ordinary for two emotionally unavailable kids in their early twenties. 

Rendezvous like that night came often. You had no plans of changing the spontaneity of your relationship. It made it fun, you could even go as far as to say, it was thrilling. 

If it wasn’t obvious, you guys were still friends. I know, hard to believe considering how indecent your relationship had become but it’s true.

For example, you guys still hung out per the normal routine. The garden was your home in the morning and you’d only meet at each other’s places at night, his place more than yours for obvious reasons, to have sex. It was a boundary you created and so far there haven’t been any issues. 

“Getting better with those clippers, Zenin. I’m seeing an increase in pay in your future.” You patted his back as you watched him trim your bushes symmetrically. He has come a long way from where he started and you believed it was due to your constant reprimanding.

You wore a red tank top and denim shorts. Don’t worry, you had a separate change of clothes that you were going to change into once you returned to the compound. 

He whistled as you walked past him to water some flowers, “Your body is enough to keep me satisfied.”

You squatted down to twist the knob of the hose and scoffed, “It's amazing how you managed to decrease your pay in less than 10 seconds.”

“It’s one of my many talents.”

“Mind if I take off my shirt, it’s fucking scorching out here.” He complained, fingers at the hem of the shirt trying to attach any sort of cool air onto his body.

You wave a hand, "Go right ahead, nothing I haven’t seen before.”

One of the many talents he was referring to had to be how he managed to always surprise you. It hadn’t hit you that every time you had borne witness to his naked body it was either dark or you were too entranced in the moment to notice the countless scars that made up a constellation of their own on his body.

You stared at his body with your mouth ajar and allowed the water from the hose to run freely on the ground. Though you weren’t a healer, you knew that among the healed scars and open wounds that had to have happened a few days ago.

“I’m sorry but there is an added fee if you want to gawk at me.” He joked, unaware that your stare was anything but flattering.

“Doll?”

“At your age, you’d think you would be better at taking care of yourself.” You chide, eyes narrowing at the gashes on his figure.

“Huh?” His eyes follow yours and they land on what you had been staring at.”It naturally comes with the territory.”

You rolled your eyes and challenged, “Do you even try to block?” 

He grits his teeth at your insinuation and lets his fingers graze his wounds, “My body is resistant to shit like this.” 

You direct the hose to one of the fresh wounds on his body and he instantly recoils at the abrupt impact.

“What the hell was that for?” He hissed as his upper body slumped forward in pain. 

You bit your tongue but kept your words firm, “Your Heavenly Restriction has its limits. You’re resistant to a lot but you’re still human.”

“Whether I live or die it’s all the same.”

Toji did know he had his limits. He is human. As are you. That’s why he knows Death taunts him more than the average person. It’s the curse his Heavenly Restriction had given him. It’s why he doesn’t care. Life was a game to be played and his difficulty level was maxed out.

You sighed to resign yourself from agreeing, “Be it as it may, this garden can’t be maintained by myself.”

You shifted the knob off and pushed yourself up with your hands on your knees. You inspected his figure again and taunted, “What do you even use to fight?” 

He didn’t seem like the kind to lug around a weapon or have any sort of armory to defend himself. He must’ve used his Heavenly Restriction to his advantage and wasn’t one to back down from a challenge, your situation with him acting as evidence of his ignorance.

He scoffed while he began to compose himself not without holding the side you had hydro-blasted. 

He looked off into the patches of lilies to his right and shrugged, “It’s situational. Sometimes hand-to-hand and other times weapons.”

You hum and make your way over to him. He recognized what you were gonna do and stepped closer to you to give you space to activate your reversed cursed technique. Your hands glowed and hovered over his abdomen as you tried to make a visual count of the amount of healing you would have to do.

Somehow your eyes landed on the scar on the left corner of his lip, you parted your mouth to ask but he took notice of where your eyes had focused on and pleaded with his own that you remained silent. The question died on your tongue.

“Looks like you just wanted an excuse to feel up on me. You know, we’ve done much worse. Your sense of shame should be zero when it comes to me.”

You chew on the inside of your cheek before stomping on his foot (undoubtedly hearing a yelp from the man even if he denied it),  “An infection must’ve spread to your brain because right now you’re living in delusion.”

“This reminds me of that time when you were 12 and you found a bunny limping on its foot and you bit your lip so hard trying to stop yourself from crying.” He teased as he stared at the crown of your head that resembled a mountain of snow.

You had finished with your garden work early and were about ready to turn in for the night when you saw the bunny struggling to move at the gate of the garden. At the time, you were a novice when it came to your reversed curse technique and didn’t want to risk injuring the bunny even more than it already was. You felt hopeless in the situation. All you could do was take it into the garden and feed it whatever herbs you had lying around. You remember staying in the garden that night and pleading with the stars to heal the bunny. You ended up falling asleep and when you woke up the next day you saw the bunny hopping around you.

You cringed hard at the memory, not because you felt shame for what you did but because he had to be there to witness it,  “I was 12, I didn’t know I was being conned.”

You were a pretty emotional child in the years that you were still an only child. Never in public, obviously. The garden was therapy for you and whenever you would go in there you would inevitably be found crying. You’re just grateful that Toji hadn’t seen those moments or if he had he didn’t tell you.

You felt his laugh boom through your fingers, “I thought I was hitting a gold mine when I thought I was going to see a Gojo cry.”

“Instead of helping me, you decided to pray for my downfall? Typical Zenin.” 

“You’ve met enough Zenins to know that’s all we’re good for.”

He made a valid point. You forget that there was a time when neither one of you knew each other. It’s childish to think it took Satoru to acknowledge his presence for you to acknowledge him. You don’t know why, you never knew why. 

As I write this, I have my theories but if you read them you’d classify them as propaganda.

His wounds were worse than he let on. Any other normal person would’ve died within hours of having them. You had to agree with him and say that his body had an ungodly immunity to lethal injuries. His resistance did not mean that healing the wounds would be easy. 

“Be careful.” You whispered barely louder than the air that cascaded through the trees. You didn’t intend to be heard. It’s why you let your eyes ponder on your hands. 

“Awe sounds like you care about me more than you let on, sweetheart.” If you had made eye contact you would’ve seen the expression he was giving you that would contradict the tone he had spoken in.

You shook your head, finishing up healing the last wound. You looked to make sure that you hadn’t missed anything and thankfully you hadn’t. The need to be breaths away from him was gone and you made sure to deviate from his insinuations.

“I just would’ve thought you would’ve had some sort of normalcy in your life after you left.”

“I was destined for this lifestyle. Tengen didn’t give me this body to waste on being a salesman.”

“But isn’t that why you left? For something different? Something normal.” You questioned. You imagine that’s why people move countries when they want to go to college or when they move cities for their jobs. No one can be satisfied being in one place forever and as humans we change.

“Speak for yourself. You think too highly of me.” 

Toji pitied you. He ridiculed you for comparing yourself as a star but you were the epitome of a star. You glisten at night with only a select few that witness you but come morning the whole world has shifted their focus on the sun. If space lost all of its stars the world would notice but if they see one flickering they would gawk at its beauty. 

That’s what he gets the privilege of witnessing. He admires you as you cut pieces from a plant, hacking away the spikes on the side before placing them in a miscellaneous bag you had found on the handle of your shed. 

“I won’t be here forever.” He takes the plant from your hands and watches you clear your throat,

“This is Aloe Vera, cut in the middle and uses the sap to heal any non-life threatening wounds.”

You wait to hear a response from him but when don’t you turn to walk away to gather your belongings.

You wave a calm hand at him, “I have a mission soon. See you later.”

He cuffed his hands over his mouth and called out, “Try not to die.”

You flip him off and call back, “Counting on it.”

Just like a star, you were gone, and the moon waited a bit before you disappeared to leave too.

—------------------

Special Grades missions are routinely the only kind of curses you deal with. If you deal with anything of a lower grade it’s because it’s highly speculated that the curse might be stronger than it is or a fairly new manager is mocking your strength. You’re the only registered Special Grade sorcerer. At least, the only one that does their job. Yuki is a Special Grade but refuses to take missions and instead takes “passion projects” or whatever she calls it. Her purpose was to get rid of curses altogether. She believed there was no use in dealing with them one by one when she could get to the route of the problem. She was a researcher. Again, all her words.

That’s why you were left alone to handle the baggage of the world. The locations of these missions were always similar; in an abandoned building and far away from civilization. This one was no different. An abandoned warehouse in the middle of rural Japan.

The Special Grade was cocky. By that, it made its presence known from the get-go. It had the physique of a human but the skin color of a smurf. Its head was upside down and its face was shaped between a hybrid of a deer and an ostrich. It was a sight for sore eyes much like any other curse.

It had the advantage of being able to see from different angles and ultimately that’s what it took for you to win. It took less than 10 minutes to get the job done. All you needed was a combination of your extension techniques, Red and Blue. You were getting ready to leave, articulating your report in your head, when you heard a waning cry coming from the direction of the curse. 

“Mamaaaa!”

You had killed the thing, right? Or maybe it was another curse you hadn’t been able to sense. You turned, eyes searching every nook and corner of the building to see where you could’ve gone wrong. There was no energy that you could sense at all. Then you saw it, right in front of you. It was inching toward you in short increments as a small purple worm-like creature. It was a curse, no doubt about it, but it held no ominous energy. Your palm extended while your fingers readied to form a hand signal. You had every intention to exorcise it. However, once it reached up to the tip of your shoe it morphed itself into a ball. Eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed, you bent down to pick it up. It held no malice, honestly, you could’ve left it. Instead, you pulled out one of the vials you carry to transport evidence and placed it inside ready to include it in your debrief. It was time to debrief and you decided to disclose the vile only if they sensed its energy. 

They didn’t.

You went straight to the training ground and released the cursed worm out of its vile. It morphed into the original body you had found it in but it remained still. Just like in the warehouse, you didn’t feel any dangerous aura coming from the worm. However, you can never be too sure and before you got close to it you made sure to activate your Limitless. You squatted down in front of it and poked its sides to see any reaction. Unfortunately, nothing happened. You purse your lips and decide to pick it, inspecting anything that could’ve been odd with it. Again, nothing.

“What the heck are you?” A rhetorical question because as you had figured out earlier it does not react to anything. 

It isn’t until you accidentally squeeze it in frustration that you feel something move in its stomach. It isn’t until you hear the sound of it gagging and you drop it and jump back. You had expected the worst; acidic vomit, combustion, etc. What you weren’t expecting was for it to throw up a sword, a cursed sword.

You attempted to pick it up again but it had morphed into a ball. 

“Interesting.”

You placed it back in the vial and decided that it could potentially be used for something in the future.

As you were making your way back to your house you felt a vibration in your pocket, snatching it out and groan at the sender.

Yuki:

Need the purse back.

You:

When and Why?

Yuki:

You responded!

Need it by tomorrow for a date.

Meet me at that convenience store we used to go to in an hour!

You:

I’ll bring the clothes back too.

Yuki:

Keep it as memorabilia of when you first got laid.

Your cheeks went red and in retaliation, you sent out a text before shoving your phone back in your pocket.

You:

I’m pissing in that damn purse.

—------------------

You told your chauffeur to drop you off at a restaurant a few blocks away from the convenience store and waited until you couldn’t see his car to make your way to the convenience store.

The convenience store was a 7/11 and you could see the blonde waiting outside with a lit cigarette in one hand and a plastic bag in the other, scanning the perimeter for you. 

You hand the purse off to her and try to reach into the plastic bag but can’t because she pushes it into her body.

She dangles the purse away from her with one hand on the handle and the other clasping the bridge of her nose.

Snatching the bag from her, you sift through the cigarette packs to find what you had been looking for, banana milk. Your eyes could’ve matched the same radiance of the sun with how bright they shined. 

“I didn’t piss in it, dumbass.” 

She exhales but still does a sniff test before she fully unzips the purse to find the box of condoms she had gifted you. Just as she had suspected, it was open.

“Ha, I knew it! You’re a whore!” By the way she reacted, you’d think you cheated on her. Onlookers consisted of young parents with their children that damned you to hell with their eyes.

You tried to stop her from airing out your business to the whole street but it was no use. Once Yuki goes on a tangent there is no going back. “How was it? It was with the guy you went on that date with, right? The tall muscular guy?”

You nearly spat out your drink and your eyes were close to bulging out of your skull, “You saw him?!”

“Duh, I had to see who I was giving you away to.” She explained, taking a drawl from her cigarette and leaning her head back on the wall of the 7/11 before pouting, “I only saw his back because you whisked him away into the restaurant too fast to catch a good look.”

You sighed taking a shot of your banana milk.

She watched as you chugged down the remnants of your milk before adding, “Doesn’t mean I didn’t see how you looked at him.”

“You mean with pure disgust and hatred.”

She laughed and shook her head staring directly at the cars that passed by, “Sure, we can go with that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” She put out her cigarette and reached for two, pointing one at you, “Cigarette?”

You huffed and narrowed your eyes. She shrugged as she put the other one back and lit the other for herself. She watched through her peripheral you nonverbally inquired about the statement she had said.

“You’re gonna deny it so what’s the point in telling you?”

You challenged, “Maybe I won’t. Not if it’s true.”

She falls victim to your incessance and files through her memories of that day. Based on what she could see from her hiding spot, she saw how he played with the ruffle of your dress. She saw what you meant by a flirt and expected you to retaliate the way you did. However, she needed to verify if her assumption was correct.

“What’s your relationship with him now? That date had to have changed things.”

Things certainly changed after that date. 

“We are still friends but with…” Your words lodged themselves in your throat and your hands pushed the banana milk bottle to and fro in your hands.

She understood immediately. Her interest in your mystery man began the moment she knew of your date. The girl who tried to avoid men like the plague was giving a man the time of day. He had to be special.

She crossed her hands over her waist letting one of them dangle out to tap out some of the ash from her cigarette bud, “That can be tricky, especially with how you look at him.”

Your hands stalled. 

“How do I look at him?”

“How I looked at my first boyfriend.” You were close to Yuki in high school and knew who she was referring to but drew a blank at the name. He was a year older than you but that seemed to draw Yuki in. They dated for a while, probably until Yuki’s 3rd year before they broke up. Though you don’t remember him much, seeing him in passing and exchanging pleasantries, you know that Yuki was happy with him.

She fears she may have scared you with such a daunting statement and reassures, “I’m not saying you’re in love with him or anything. That’s something you have to find out on your own. Might be tricky with your relationship but you don’t think of him as just a friend.”

But you did see him as a friend? 

She hums in amusement.

You had come to terms with having lustful thoughts of him. Anyone with good taste would want Toji. Romantically? That’s something you’ve pondered about from time to time but it would flee before you could fixate your time and energy into it. 

“Do you even have a date?”

She grinned deviously to herself, “Nope. Just wanted to see if you got laid.”

—----------------------

Regardless of what Yuki had said, you still went to see him. It’s become second nature to go see him you’re sure if you didn’t go he would question why.  

You loved being in denial. 

You weren’t going to tell him that your whole perception of your relationship had been warped. Therefore, you ended up tangled in his sheets with the stench of sex filling up the air.

You lay on his chest, hair melted onto your forehead and shoulders from the sweat, and all that could be heard was the sound of trying to even out your breath and his heartbeat. 

“We’re friends, right?” You asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“Then why are we doing this? Friends don’t do this.”

You still couldn’t bring yourself to say fuck and he would gladly do it for you.

“Doing what? Fucking?”

You were too tired to deal with him playing coy and thankfully he knew that too. 

He rubbed circles into your shoulder and exhaled, “Since when did you become the Messiah of sex and friendship?”

Yuki was always at the root of your inner turmoil. You would’ve never thought of your relationship with Toji being more without her unnecessary input. Keep telling yourself that. 

Were you guys still even friends?

“Do you want to stop?” He was secretly crossing your fingers that you would say no.

You shook your head and he relaxed his arms around you.

He smirked and laid his head on top of yours, “Then there is nothing to worry about.”

You stayed like that for a while before it was time to leave.

You had forgotten about the cursed worm and were in the middle of putting on your kimono when the vial fell out from one of the pockets. 

“What’s that?” He couldn’t see the curse but had honed his abilities well enough to know that a curse was there.

“It’s for you.” You picked up and continued, “It’s a cursed worm. I found it on my mission today. You can use it whenever you want to carry weapons. It morphs its shape so it’s adaptable.” You tossed the vial toward him as you went on about putting your clothes on.

He swiftly caught it and asked,  “Why didn’t you turn it in?” 

A glimpse of your conversation peeks into your mind and you shrug it off, “Need my gardener to be in top shape.”

"Talking about the garden. I'm going to be gone for a few weeks and I need you to look after the garden for me." You mentioned, deviating from the conversation. You heard him grunt which you understood was him agreeing.

You eventually leave and after he hears his front door close he plops himself down on his bed while he twirls the vial in between his fingers with the previous conversation lingering in his mind.

“Cute”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

hope you enjoyed this chapter! I took a bit of a hiatus to focus on college and I'm happy to say I just applied for my associates! I'm transferring to my dream university (hint: Chris Pine went there and Oppy taught there)  this fall and since I'm going to be a junior  I won't have as much time to update BUT I plan on writing consistently for the next month or so because surprisingly a lot of you like this story.

Also, any guesses on where the story is going? I'm always interested in seeing what you guys think!

tag list:

@cococola-cocaine @justtnat @softvgold @missroro

comment to let me know if you want to join the tag list for future updates!

make sure to reblog, like, and comment! they really help me know what you guys like and don't like!

CHAPTER 8 UPDATE

Chapter 8 might come out today!!!

I want to give out the disclaimer that there isn't any smut in this chapter but there are insinuations of it. So if anyone only reads for the smut I'm sorry :(

Chapter 8 Coming Soon

Chapter 8 might be coming sooner than expected...

Hey...How Y'all Doin'...

SORRY FOR THE HAITUS! A lot of stuff has happened in my life since my last update (all good, trust).

I just finished my last final for community college and got my associates degree in English! Therefore, the past few months have been dedicated to me trying to pass all my classes. I'm also transferring to my dream university (hint: Oppenheimer and Chris Pine) in the Fall to get my bachelor's so the likelihood of me being able to update any of my stories is going to be even harder. However, I still love all the stories I've written and want to write at least two more chapters of SLWNH before I leave and then I'll update more if I have time in between.

That being said, Chapter 8 is being written and I know that this chapter is worth the wait, trust.

Thank you all for your support!

THIS ‼️

Chapter 8 Updates

Working on Chapter 8 and workshopping the next chapters to come. Feel like it's kind of obvious but I don't have this story mapped out at all. The first chapter was going to stay a one-shot but due to a lot of interest on ao3 I decided I should make something out of it. From the beginning I always knew how this was going to end and the route I wanted this fanfic to take but never the in between. Therefore, the next chapters might take a while to come out because I'm trying to figure out pacing and plot development.

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | ᴛᴏᴊɪ ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ| forgotten gems (18+ MDNI)

pairings: toji x gojo!reader

summary: your family doesn't understand your value but Toji sure does.

tags/genre: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, suggestive language (thanks to Toji, of course), explicit language, symbolism (?), misogyny, satoru being a little brat (are we surprised?), strangers to friends to ?, fluff, 2nd person point of view, the first person point of view switches are intentional!, original character (Osamu Zenin).

warnings: 6.3k word count, rated M (18+) for language and sexual scenes, mutual masturbation, vaginal sex, male dom, fem sub, praise kink, degradation kink (barely), boob play, calls her a slut, handjob (fem and male rec.), teasing (this is toji were are talking about), sweet talk, dirty talk, pet names, semi-edging, cowgirl, safe-sex (they used a condom).

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You had let your guard down. Your mother had informed you about a brunch you had with your father and it did psyche you out. Your father never had a one-on-one with you unless it was business-related. Therefore, your thoughts leading up to the brunch pertained to your father with slight glimpses of that night with Toji.  Your mother had chosen your clothes, usually a cause of alarm but you had been so preoccupied that you didn’t question why she had insisted you wear a pale blue kimono with displaced floral arrangements as the design and to wear your hair up in a bun with silver floral blue hairpin. Extravagant wardrobe choice for a brunch.

You were truly blindsided when instead of seeing your father you were met with a smug Osamu Zenin sitting at the table you were directed to with food already there for you. 

“Gojo, you made it this time. I was expecting to be stood up as per the usual routine that we find ourselves in.” He mocked. Even his appearance reeked of pretentiousness. His relatively long hair was being pushed out of his face and into a low ponytail.

He wore a yukata that was similar in color scheme to your outfit, just a darker shade of blue and devoid of any sort of pattern. His frame came nowhere close to Toji’s. He was slender and had a few developed muscles in his biceps at best. Gesturing to the seat in front of him, he says, “Please take a seat. I paid for all this food and it would be a shame to see it go to waste.”

Osamu Zenin was the perfect man for you. 

A sentence that your mother believed wholeheartedly to be true. In comparison to any other son that Naobito had tried to set you up with, your mother voiced her utmost praise for Osamu. She would surmise him as a younger version of your father, down to the haircut and the personality. Truly what any woman wants a potential suitor to be described as. Among the Zenin clan, he fell under the previously inhabited category of Most Attractive. However, his personality didn’t match it. His looks had the female diaspora yearning for him and his personality had them at his beck and call. You called it an epidemic of Stockholm Syndrome.

You surveyed the restaurant out of the slim hope that your father would appear from either the bathroom or the front doors. Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found. You scoff at the situation, “If a woman actively avoids seeing you during arranged meetings like this, that should be a clear enough sign that she isn’t interested.”

“Send your mother my gratitude for managing to make this happen.” He took no offense to your words and dared to smirk, “You’d be pleased to know that this meeting holds substance.” 

“How so?” You ask with the same amount of interest that you had from the beginning of the interaction. 

Zenin hold a dominant trait within their family. It appears in each generation and if it skips one then surely the child is illegitimate. That trait is being incessantly annoying until they get what they want. You’ve seen it first hand and historians write about it enough for it to be true. They were bred manipulators with an apathy that matched that of a sociopath. 

The Gojo’s were quiet with their manipulation. It’s hard to tell it even happens until someone is negatively impacted by the repercussions. They also hid their misogyny well.

“Take a seat. I hate looking up at women when it’s unnecessary.” He urged with a load of disdain coming from his mouth. Women were to be at his beck and call. Never the other way around. He had confessed that to you during one of your first meetings. He knew of your reputation and he was confident that he could make the impenetrable Gojo his without much effort. Gojo’s are complicated beings and he had figured that out after 6 years of courting. His favorite play must’ve been Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew. Unfortunately for him, yours was As You Like It.

“And I like looking down on men when it is.” You shot back with a pointed look with your arms crossed over one another not before directing it toward the other patrons inside. The entire establishment reeked of affairs and widowers. “Speak up or I’m leaving.”

“You Gojo’s are insufferable.” You heard him mutter under his breath. 

The Gojo’s and the Zenin had a history dating back to the era of feudal Japan. The story goes that during the Edo period, the heads of the clans fought resulting in the death of the Gojo clan head. It was said that they were each in possession of their inherited techniques– a battle of the century. The backstory as to what led to the fight has been misconstrued and in semblance to the Bible has been interpreted further and further from the truth. It was a mystery to you why Naobito wanted to push a marriage between the two families. The malignant history should’ve prevented any sort of arrangement.  Your father was impartial to the arrangements and if he did care, he made little effort to show it. 

“Yet you still chose to pursue me. Seems counterproductive.” You chastise, “The answer will remain the same for as long as I live. I’d pick any of your relatives over you without missing a breath.”

He scoffed and countered, “Now you and I both know that’s not true.” 

He may have been right. The other “suitable candidate” would be Jinichi and let’s just say you liked his brother better.

“Do we? Because I’m failing to see when you and I have seen eye to eye on anything.” Your voice had slightly risen and if there had not been prior threatening conditions, a few heads would’ve been turned. From the outside looking in, you two were in the middle of a lover's quarrel. A demeaning assumption to be lumped into.

“You’ve wasted my time.” You sighed and decided not to linger any longer, “This meeting doesn’t hold any substance and I do not like wasting my time so frivolously. If that’s all you had to say I’ll be leaving.”

Your feet pivoted away from him, walking away as you searched inside your clutch to text your driver that you were ready to be picked up.

Osamu didn’t seem bothered by it. He had anticipated that reaction. He snapped his fingers at your departing figure and called out, “Oh, I wouldn’t leave so soon. This proposal is concerning the Six-Eyes that you treasure so much.”

His words managed to halt your movements but were not enough to commit to turning back. Each snap he’d do was transcribed in your mind as a countdown of you getting closer to getting visibly pissed off.  Having found your phone, you quickly typed out a text to your driver but let your fingers hover over the send button before you questioned his audacity,  “Are you using my brother as a threat? Should I relay to you the reason for my declining all your former marriage proposals?”

“I say that to you not as a threat but as a warning from your clan.” You turn around and see the satisfaction dripping from his tired eyes. You’ve seen that expression before and it wasn’t as antagonizing as his.

“You’re speaking in tongues. Would you like me to cut it off?” You warned but he didn’t back down even if he knew you weren’t one to speak without purpose. 

“Always quick-witted aren’t you?”His boisterous laughter resounded through the restaurant. He turned some heads but they soon disappeared into their conversations. He laughed out your name before explaining, “Do you truthfully believe that your clan is going to allow a woman to lead them? Let alone by herself? It would be blasphemous for you to even be considered in earnest for such an important position.”

“I don’t see why they wouldn’t. I at least would know how to get to the point in meetings like this.” You stated before turning your phone off and placing it back into your clutch.

“Your clan has no plan on making your position permanent. You are merely there to become an acting clan leader for Satoru. After he gets to a relatively sentient age, they’ll release you of your title and sell you off to become a housewife.” He informed you as he looked thoroughly pleased that you had finally given him your full attention. He took a bite out of one of the hors d'oeuvres and continued, “How does it feel to be lied to?”

You remained poised but let your words pierce for you.

“Why would you of all people know any of this? I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you at any of the Elder meetings.” You mockingly wondered, searching for an answer in the ceiling. Your eyes find him again and you deadpan, “Oh, wait.”

He scoffed, “I happen to be in the ones you aren’t a part of.”

“Is that so?” Knowing full well that he was spewing bullshit.

“Why would I risk my livelihood for a man.” Then it clicked. He was so insistent on being married off. Particularly to you. A Gojo, nonetheless. It was for the same reason men initiated wars or talked over women. It all came down to power. 

“Ah, that’s what it is, isn’t it? What this whole thing is about? This has never been about Satoru.” You began as you lifted yourself from your seat and gathered your clutch into your hands.

“Where are you going?” He asked. His hands were getting ready to grasp your wrist but were repelled by an invisible force. You glance down at his hand and scoff, “Not enough for you to know how different you are from me.”

“I’ll say this as I look down on you because I know how you adore looking up to me. You’ve been doing it your whole life.” You leaned your body down until you were level with him and zeroed your blue eyes into his eyes, “You loathe the idea that a woman would be in a higher position than you. If I marry you, it’s because I chose to. Not the other way around. Your threats don’t even hold a value because even in that scenario, you're not the one in power.”

But neither did you. Sorry to cut off your monologue but if his power was nonexistent then yours was miniscule.

Families tend to bear the signage of their legacy. A Gojo was thorough and quaint with an honorable benevolent presence. Their eyes and hair are key components to their icy exteriors. Not an inch of warmth to be dispelled from them. They get what they want and whoever harbors the consequences of that is left as residual fragments of their greed.  

That’s why when you walked into your family’s dining room, you had all but smoke coming from your ears when you saw your mother enjoying her midafternoon tea with a fashion magazine in hand. You were a spitting image of her minus your hair and eye color. Her hair was pulled back into a bun and a blue hairpin similar to yours. Her kimono was also blue but was a shade of blue that was nauseating to stare at. Kind of like a person with motion sickness on a boat. She didn’t have to bat an eye to notice the bad energy you had given off when you entered the room.

“Back from brunch so early?” She commented as she licked his finger to turn the page. 

“Would have been there longer if the meeting was worth my time. I ask that you don’t involve me in any of your schemes moving forward.” You tried to remain composed but it was hard when she barely acknowledged your presence. 

“Osamu is a good man. He has a good head on his shoulders and enough tact to understand what it means to rule a clan. He is perfect for this family.” She answered, not breaking her stride in skimming over the magazine pages. 

Your father was the pillar of your family and your mother was the maintenance crew that made sure to preserve that image. Your mother had a mind but that mind was enshrouded with images of your father’s reputation. It must have been an inherited trait to desire to control every and any aspect of life. Her image must be upheld alongside those whom she associates with. 

Of course, you included. It was deceitful to the public that she portrayed herself as a loving mother. You’d tell me that she was the Victorian era’s incarnated embodiment. She loathed you since she laid eyes on you. She had done everything right — met your father, married him, received the power, and bore the clan an heir. During that high, she failed to take into account birthing a daughter. A firstborn daughter, at that. Countless times had she tried to mold you into the perfect woman by attempting to dissuade you from becoming the clan head. Deeming it to be too masculine for a woman. That playing house was biologically instilled within you and that going against it was an act against nature.

Your mother, though married into the family, held the insinuation of being a Gojo best. Her favorite color would have been green if blue didn’t exist. She designated specific blues for the family. Your father was a Royal Blue to commandeer his role in society and accentuate his noble features. His color resembled the waves of The Great Wave off Kanagawa. He carried power in his stride with a color that was made for him.

 Satoru was categorized as a blue which could never be forgotten. You see it once and use it as a reference for describing the perfect hue of blue. It illuminates any kind of room whether it be an office, a library, or a bedroom. It matches each occasion. As a gem, he was a sapphire solitaire. 

Blue is the root of all your problems. From your conception to the present day, blue plagued you because you weren’t a specific hue of blue. Matter of fact, you were the palest blue that painters could find. The kind of blue that was painted in nurseries, the kind that the sky was known for, and the kind that resembles a forget-me-not. As a gem, you belonged in the possession of someone else.

You were cold. No, not because of your appearance but because you decided to wear nothing beneath the baby blue silk pajama set in place of the pair of sweats and the baggy t-shirt you had tucked underneath the floorboard of your closet. You were in your room and you easily could’ve wrapped your blanket around you but didn’t feel like staying in your room. It had as much personality as your public persona. It’s not like you were able to design it. Your mother’s strict aesthetic did not discriminate when it came to your private life. If anything it was meticulously calculated. She wanted it to become a lifestyle rather than a facade. 

You wanted the comfort of a home. This room that has been yours since you were born never grew to become one. The house as a whole was not one either. In hindsight, you should’ve gone to the garden but the chances of running into Toji were too risky. 

Since your night with Toji, you were scared of him. How he made you feel per se. Never in your life had you felt as desired as he made you feel. Sex was coined to be meaningless for people in your age group. Just something that had to be done by a certain cutoff age. From what Yuki had told you, it happens and you move on. So why would you rather let your garden wither than have to face him? 

Intimacy comes with sex, that’s just the nature of it. You knew what you were getting yourself into but the capacity of it left you blindsided. You’ve been praised for your value for so long that you have forgotten that your value was based on your worth besides someone else. Without a name, you were as good as a fine china dining set. You had gone on a whole morality spiel with Satoru about the importance of names and yet you hated when people used your name. That night your name was brought up but instead of it feeling like a weight on your shoulders it was the complete opposite.

A man should never have this sort of hold on you. They never have until him. Not even with guys who looked like him. All the men in the world could disappear in the world and you’d exhale in content but not without the wandering thought of him. 

Nature was a familiar topic for you. Nature and instinct coincide with one another. You adhered to instinct well. That’s why you knew that your relationship with Toji was based on the natural pull of instinct. 

While you were enshrouding yourself to fear, Toji was convinced that you would be the best he ever had and encouraged the thought of seeing you again. He had been going based on late-night fantasies he’s had of you since he was a teenager. How could he not? The desire to want something that is so out of reach yet so agonizingly close? You had manifested into a personalized kink for him. He could freely explain his desires for you ranging from what he wanted to do to putting those desires to practice. He was open in that sense of your relationship. That was the situation until you turned the tide.

You stopped coming to the garden, completely. It could’ve been a coincidence seeing as during that time of year cursed spirits tend to be at an all-time high. However, you aren’t the only sorcerer in the world and you couldn’t possibly be busy enough to neglect your garden. It wasn’t until after the second week of your absence that he clued in that you were avoiding him.

He wasn’t having it. In the same way that he was “having” an overly intoxicated woman grinding her ass on him with no rhythm to save her life. A few weeks ago, she would’ve been the standard- an average girl with big tits and an even bigger ass. He accepted that a lot has changed for him since he met you. He pushed her off and though she scoffed at his rejection she didn’t continue her advances and let him leave. He didn’t even know why he was at this club. He didn’t want to be there. He thought the neon flower light decorations were too tacky compared to what he had grown used to. He didn’t want to see the flowers in the garden, frankly, he didn’t give a fuck about them. He wanted to see you.

You had been in your world when you began to hear taps against your bedroom window. You’d seen clouds earlier that day and had written off the tapping as heavy rain. Your heart nearly leaped out of your chest when you noticed a dark shadowy figure tapping incessantly on your bedroom window. Foolish to even confuse the sounds of Toji Zenin as something so peaceful

You pondered for a while if you should even acknowledge him. You could go about your night and pretend he’s not there. You would’ve followed through if your window didn’t sound like it was on the brink of cracking.

You cracked the window open and immediately started questioning him, “What are you doing here? How’d you even know this was my room?”

For once, Toji wasn’t annoyed by your incessant need to ask trivial questions. He would’ve let you continue with your tangent if it hadn’t felt like it was below zero degrees outside.

“I’ll answer all your questions if you just let me inside. It’s fucking cold out here.” He had the decency to ask but didn’t plan on listening to what you had to say after. He tried to push through the small gap you left open but you blocked it with your body. He raised a brow at your actions, amused by your stance, and cocked his head at you to speak. His expression briefly reminded you of the look he had from that night and you prayed he didn’t hear you gulp. It was dark out and the light from the moon couldn’t make out. 

“Ironic. The man with an inhuman body is getting taken down by a little breeze.”

His eyes darted to your breast and he couldn’t help but lick his lips, “Not the only one that’s being affected.”

You furrowed your brows and let your eyes travel to where his eyes had landed and felt yourself heat up. You weren’t wearing a bra. Why would you? Your nipples pierced through your silk pajama shirt enough that you couldn’t even form a rebuttal. You crossed your arms over one another trying to protect your decency. Again, why would you? He had seen far more than an erect nipple from you.

You shook your head and tried to affirm, “You need to leave. You can’t be here.” You planted yourself in front of the opening and tried hard to play off your embarrassment. He took your attempts as nonsensical.

He planted his elbow on the ledge and used his hand to prop his head, he mused, “You’re gonna make me leave after I’ve gone through all this trouble? You're so cruel, sweetheart.” 

He had used that nickname once before. At the time, you assumed it was a slip of the tongue. Even now, you have followed that same mentality. 

You scoffed and puffed your chest out, “Cruel is one of the many things I’ve been called and I take pride in it.” 

His position remained the same, caring little that his body could enter hypothermia if he remained outside. He continued the banter, “So have I. You’re nothing special, sweetheart.”

Surely, not a slip-up anymore.

“That’s a new one.”

“Like it? Think it matches you well.”

“A lot of words have been used to describe me but sweetheart has to be a new one”, You shook your head in protest and subconsciously side-stepped out of the window opening. Enough to give him an opening, one that you had noticed too late. Your back was already pushed into the wall and his hands were cupping your jaw. You opened your mouth to speak but he had his fill of hearing your voice. His lips caged yours in desperation. His desperation could only be described as Odysseus coming back home after decades away from Ithaca. You couldn’t reprimand him either because as much as you had actively avoided him, you missed this feeling. One that you couldn’t pinpoint.

“Good.” He breathed out before diving back to your lips. His lips suctioned onto yours as if he were sucking the seed out of a cherry. His hands that had been stationed on your chin deviated to the back of your neck, pushing your lips further into his. Breathing did have to happen and with one last peck, he spoke, “I would hate for someone to see you like that.” 

“As a decent person?” You tried to joke and keep the situation airy but you missed the feeling of his lips on yours already. This is what you had been afraid of. He is an addiction you can’t quit once you start. He held that over you and he didn’t even know it.

“You think you're decent?” He asked as his lips traveled down from your lips. Kissing against your chin with the same amount of passion as he had down to lips seconds prior.

You softly exhaled, “Don’t think I’m the worst.”

“Sure, you don’t.”

“And you are?”

“Don’t start putting words in my mouth now.” He scoffed as he sucked harshly against your neck. He let that happen multiple times, each more prominent than the last. You let his mouth ruminate on your neck in bliss. The breeze coming from your window knocks you to your senses.

“We have to stop.” Your room was far enough from the rest of your family’s rooms but you didn’t trust your voice if you did continue on the path you guys were heading toward.

“Have to? Or scared to?” He asked with the intent of getting a legible answer. He knew you avoided things when they got too serious. He’s experienced it firsthand. His hands trailing toward the buttons on your shirt and unbuttoning them with expertise. With your boobs on full display, he let your shirt drop off your shoulders and onto the floor while his fingers wasted no time toying with the nipples that had been taunting him since he had seen them.

“Gotta answer? Your body does.” He mocked before letting one of his hands sweep across your stomach until they found solace in the band of your pajama pants. Just like the bra, you weren’t wearing any panties. His fingers fiddled with the band but restrained themselves from delving further.

“Got anything to do with you disappearing on me?” He whispered into your ear with his eyes targeted at your own. You tried to avoid them by focusing elsewhere but looking up or down you’d still be met with him. 

You groaned from the sensation of his hands, “You want to talk about it now?” 

He squeezed particularly harder on your boob and inched his hands further into your pants then cheekily asked, “Why? Is now a bad time?”

This had to be some form of torture. You wouldn’t put it past Toji to leave you like this. He tends to do things his way and right now was a prime example of it. As you said before, Zenin’s are inherent assholes. However, he was currently the asshole that managed to cause a pool to form in between your legs and the only one capable of doing anything about it.

“I was busy.” You answered quickly. It wasn’t a lie but it also wasn’t the whole truth. You could’ve reached out to him or even gone to the garden. The reasoning as to why briefly left you as you pushed your legs against one another was to absolve you of the tension that he had built up. 

You felt his smirk against your ear before whispering, “Nah I don’t think so.” He dipped his head down to kiss the edge of your cheek that led into your ear. His hand on your boob continued its ministrations while the other one let your pants pool at your ankles before continuing its journey into your cunt. He would stop himself whenever he’d hear your breath falter, “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were avoiding me, sweetheart.”

You hummed eagerly, impatiently waiting for his fingers to find your clit. Any conscious reasoning telling you to stop before was shunned by lust. He was satisfied with your admission. He promised himself that he’d edge you the next time he’d get to have you and this reaction was enough for him. His fingers gave you what you wanted and your immediate response was to let out a cry. Your mother was home and unfortunately, her room was the closest to yours. 

You bit your lip to mask the noise but he wouldn’t allow for that. His pace went faster, swirling his finger over the bud and flicking it a few times. He was trying to elicit noise out of you. It was hard to tell before what he was wearing, the moon barely illuminating his figure. He was wearing a black crew neck and sweatpants. Nothing to gawk at. It was his usual clothing but it did give you an idea of your own.

You slid your hand to his bulge and palmed it over his pants. He groaned into your ear, “You're better than that. If you’re gonna do it, you shouldn’t half-ass it, baby.” He let the hand that had been busy on your boob deviate to his waistband pulling his pants along with his boxers down to let out his hardened cock. He grabbed your hand and said, “Spit.”

“W-What?” You stuttered, staring at your hand in awe. 

“Need to wet it before you start to stroke it.”

You were reluctant to do so but did as you were told. He smirked and guided your hand to the base of his cock. You’d never given a handjob before yet you managed to handle his cock with ease. He had to reward you for your hard work and caught your lips before plunging his fingers into your cunt. His groans and your moans fought for dominance as they desperately tried to be heard. 

He was knuckling deep in your pussy while your pace on his cock was faltering. 

“Doing so good for me, sweetheart. You must be wishing my fingers were something else.” He grunted as his pace increased. Your back arched against the wall while your body curled into his. His words held truth but you weren’t going to deny his fingers were doing a good job substituting it. 

Your fingers tried to simulate the same pleasure he had been giving you, trying to remember the porn videos you’d watched when you were younger. You let one of your fingers graze his slit before swirling your finger around the base of the head. 

“Am I doing good?” You panted out between battered breaths.

He sucked on your neck as he praised, “Always s’good f’r me.”

His praise went straight to your core and had you shuddering out an orgasm on his fingers. Though you were wrecked from cumming, you were still adamant about getting Toji to cum. His cock was twitching in your hand and you knew he was getting close. Just when he was close to finishing, he pulled your hand away.

You raised a brow at him and he pecked your lips before quickly replying,  “Wanna cum in you.” 

He tossed his crewneck somewhere amongst the other discarded clothes before lifting you and wrapping your legs around his waist. 

“My bed. Now.” That is all you managed to get out of the kiss. He chuckled against your lips before sitting down on your bed and having you straddle him. He tossed his crew neck somewhere amongst the other discarded clothes before cupping your hips in his hands as you leaned in to kiss him. Your hands had tangled themselves in his hair pulling on it as your pussy grinding against his thighs. He halted your movements with his palms, tapping them against your thighs.

“I forgot a condom.”

The Toji Zenin. Forgot a condom. The irony. 

For once, you thanked Yuki for her stupidity. You got off of him, walking toward your closet and searching for the clutch she had let you borrow. Pulling out the box, you tossed them to him before clearing your throat, “Will those work?"

He caught the box and looked at the familiar packaging then smirked up at you, not expecting you to have a stash of condoms but amused that you did. Shaking the box at you, he asks, “Where’d you get these?” 

“A gift from a friend.” You respond as you walk back to him.

“A friend?” He tries to pry, opening the box and pulling out a condom. As far as he’s concerned, he was the only friend you had. 

You narrow your eyes, “Do they fit or not?” 

He chuckles at your insistence but nods, ripping the packaging and putting the condom on with ease. He hooked a hand around your waist, situating it in between his thighs before snaking a hand down to slap your ass catching you off guard. He smirked and challenged, “Still wanna learn how to ride, cowgirl?” 

You flushed at the memory of your first time together. How you managed to be so daring was a mystery to you. It had to be the sex-induced confidence. You’ve heard of a lot of different positions from Yuki. She even gave you a ranking on which positions were best and listed the pros and cons for each one. The downside of this one was stamina and luckily for you and Toji that wasn’t a concern.

You nod your head and you feel his hands on your hips lift you back to the position you were previously in while your hands situated themselves on his shoulders. He kept your hips slightly alleviated from his then used one of his hands to align his cock to your entrance. Not before sliding it along your entrance getting a mewl out of you. 

“Can’t you just put it in?” You irritably asked. Your cunt tried hard to clench on his cock whenever he’d glide it over. 

“Need to give my pretty girl what she wants.” That was his warning before he slammed his cock right into you. Your head lolled to his neck while your nails dug into his shoulders from the impact. A wanton moan followed after the impact and you could only pray no one heard. 

The cocky shit dared to cackle at your reaction. You bit his collarbone but his laugh just became more obnoxious.

He gripped the small of your back, guiding you to bounce up and down on his cock. Compared to your first time, he was handling you in the same manner as he did his hedges, sloppy and rushed. However, just like the hedges he had a method to his madness.

“Just gotta do it like this.” He instructed before whispering in your ear, “Think you can do that, sweetheart?” 

His answer came in the form of another moan and the rolling of your hips into his. You were a fast learner. Such a fast learner that he’d think you’ve done this before. You were going along with what felt right and what would get you closer to the end. With that being said, your awareness about your noise level had been clouded with desire.

“You can’t be so loud. Wouldn’t want your family hearing you be such a slut now would we?” He mocked, rutting his hips into yours at an animalistic pace. He had delayed his orgasm for as long as possible and as he had said he wanted to be in you when he did.

“N-Nooh” Your words and your tone of voice weren’t corresponding to each other. You tried to ignore the way you clenched at the degrading nickname. He wasn’t.

“Oh, you like being called slut?” He growled, harshly slapping your ass causing you to bite down on his collarbone to mask your cries. You tried to match his pace, trying to coordinate with him but it was no use. He was animalistic.

“That’s right. You’re my slut, baby.”

You whimper — something bordering pathetic — but your pride is left on the floor with a whimper being the only noise you could remember. You're nearing your end. He can tell, probably before you can. Your mind is enshrouded in galaxies and nebulas. You wanted it to stay there. You wanted him.

“S’good, baby,” he coaxes, brushing a few sweaty strands of hair from your face. “My pretty girl.” 

You cum hard with his name still on your lips. He caught your moans with his mouth and didn’t relent with his speed trying to catch his end. If he’d continued any longer you would’ve reached your third orgasm of the night. Fortunately, the loud groan he let out in your mouth and the feeling of the condom filling up didn’t let that happen. You wouldn’t have minded if you didn’t feel like your legs were going to be impaired the next day.

He tied the condom off and tossed it in your bedside trash can. He fell into your mattress pulling you on top of him. Your legs tangled and the both of you were communicating in giggles. 

“Can’t believe you forgot a condom.” You teased, laughing into his chest. 

He seemed flustered by the question, an expression you don’t see often from him. He avoided your eyes and lifted a hand to rub his neck before he answered, “I wasn’t planning for things to go this way.”

“What were you planning?”

You felt him shrug.

“Just wanted to see you I guess.”

“Oh.” Is the safest response you could think of. You guys were friends. It was just now with the added benefits. A sting was felt in your chest at the implication but his hands rubbing circles on the small of your back soothed that sensation away.

It was silent for a while. Neither one of you knew what else to say.

His slowed breathing indicated he’d fallen asleep. You felt safe enough to say what you had initially thought. You left a shy kiss on his chest as you mumbled, “I wanted to see you too.” 

Morning came soon and Toji had left just as fast. By the time you’d woken up, he was gone and the window that had been open was firmly shut. All that was left of him was your discarded clothing from the night before, the condom in your trashcan, and a text from him.

Toji:

Sorry.

You rolled your eyes at the text. Why’d he apologize for leaving? You sent a question mark and tossed your phone on your mattress. You threw your pajamas into your hamper before putting on a robe, grabbing a change of clothes, and walked out of your room and toward your bathroom. 

A shriek of your name caused you to turn around. Satoru was standing a few feet away from you with his eyes beyond the words of terror.

“Your neck!”

Curse that Zenin fuck.

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a/n: sorry for the three month break! honestly had a lot of trouble writing this chapter. I decided to rewatch the anime and saw some edits on tiktok that sparked my inspiration. the next couple of chapters are going to be heavily reliant on action as to stay relevant to the anime. Also, I have a playlist that I use when I'm writing for this fic. Here's the link!

references:

Taming of the Shrew: Lucentio loves Bianca but cannot court her until her shrewish older sister Katherina marries. The eccentric Petruccio marries the reluctant Katherina and uses a number of tactics to render her an obedient wife. Lucentio marries Bianca and, in a contest at the end, Katherina proves to be the most obedient wife.

As You Like It: Rosalind and her cousin escape into the forest and find Orlando, Rosalind's love. Disguised as a boy shepherd, Rosalind has Orlando woo her under the guise of "curing" him of his love for Rosalind. Rosalind reveals she is a girl and marries Orlando during a group wedding at the end of the play.

The Great Wave off Kanegawa: famous japanese painting.

tag list:

@cococola-cocaine @justtnat @softvgold @missroro

comment to let me know if you want to join the tag list for future updates!

make sure to reblog, like, and comment! they really help me know what you guys like and don't like!

CHAPTER 7

Chapter 7 is dropping at 2:22 PST! Hope you guys enjoy this one!

CHAPTER 7 UPDATE

I’m almost done with Chapter 7 of the fic! I don’t want to say when I’m going to post it because I’m not sure but I am nearly done. The latest that I would release it is early March and the earliest would be tomorrow.

PLAYLIST?

I have a playlist I listen to when I’m writing “A Soliloquy to the Life We Never Had” to get into the mood. Would you guys be interested in me giving you guys the link to it?

UPDATED CHAPTER 6

Finally updated chapter 6 and I'm working on Chapter 7 right now!

IMPORTANT!!

Rewriting the most recent update. Honestly, reallly disappointed with my writing on this one and the plot. I’ll still leave it up until I finish rewriting it but it’s just a heads up. Also want to preface I won’t completely change it but there will be things removed/added.

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | ᴛᴏᴊɪ ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ| first times (18+ MDNI)

pairings: toji fushiguro x gojo!reader, toji zenin x gojo!reader

summary: the first time you were close enough to see the stars.

tags/genre: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, Shiu Kong cameo, suggestive language (thanks to Toji, of course), explicit language, SMUT (if that makes you uncomfortable please do not read this), symbolism (?), satoru being a little brat (are we surprised?), sibling bonding, strangers to friends to ?, fluff, 2nd person point of view, the first person point of view switches are intentional!

warnings: 8.5k word count, rated M (18+) for language and sexual scenes, male masturbation, allusion to female masturbation, vaginal sex, male dom, fem sub, virginity kink (if you squint), praise kink, breath play, brat themes (barely), handjob (fingering), oral (fem rec.), teasing (this is toji were are talking about), sweet talk, dirty talk, pet names (doll and pretty girl are the extent of it), semi-edging, missionary, safe-sex (they used a condom), titty sucking.

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Your first time was in the garden underneath the blazing lights of the stars and the judgmental gaze of the moon with the man you loved most.

That’s how you retold it to me when I became a teenager and told you I was interested in dating. You stretched the importance of communication in a relationship. Your exact words were, “Make sure they know it’s a relationship! A lot of people assume things! Oh, and use protection!”

But that wasn’t the truth. At least, not the way that Yuki told me about it.

You lost it in a dingy apartment in Shinjuku with the night sky hardly peaking through the openings of the blinds. The man you lost it to, well, I can’t speak on that. 

He was an impatiently patient man. He had texted you his address soon after your date and added a few suggestive words to truly hone in on his desire to see you again but under an unrestrained environment. He left it at that and let the waiting game begin. His mind was filled with the chances of winning but in a small subsection (that’s as much as he’d ever admit to a living soul) of all that, he questioned what you’d be doing in your part of your world.

He would be lying if he didn’t have you as a constant in his mind since that day; to be more specific, your body had been getting him hard at just the thought of it. The silhouette of your body in the dress alone would have left an impactful impression on him but the opportunity to see you nearly naked and have the images he had fantasized about be confirmed. 

He envisioned you stuck in a circle of Elders dictating the state of their society and you idly listening in. They’d mention your role in their hierarchy as the face of the “New Era” and implant their belief systems into you through innuendos. You’d play the attentive archetype but secretly rather be in your garden or seeing that you enjoy spending time with your sibling, you’d think about taking Satoru to eat at his favorite place because who were you without trying to appease someone who wasn’t yourself? 

He also foresaw that after all of your tasks, you’d decompress in your garden. You’d be trying to do your daily routine of inspecting for weeds and checking what didn’t and did need watering. In between that routine, you’d somehow get reminded of him while taking in his failed attempt of carving out a snake in one of the hedges due to his reckless craftsmanship. You’d stifle a smile but you and those petunias that circled the surrounding area knew that you found amusement in it and though in the moment you cursed him to hell for trying to create something so hideous you never urged him to fix it. 

Afterward, you’d get frustrated thinking about him and believe that the frustration that needs to be released is through training. You’d have no one around to train with and take out your frustrations on the nearby trees surrounding the training ground. After attempting to release variations of Red and Blue on the trees you’d come to grow even more frustrated at your countless failed attempts at being able to use it continuously. So you’d switch the practice to something you were good at, fighting close range. This would need the help of a helpless punching bag and you’d try to exhaust all of your frustrations in a concoction of varying different punches and kicks. 

You’d take a shower to wash away the incessant thoughts of his presence. Your hands would massage in the shampoo to provide relief but it would remind you of the times he’d brush through your hair to find a strand to tug on. A tug, just one tug. That’s what you’d start with when you tug on one of your white strands. It wouldn’t feel the same as when he’d do it and that notion would certainly irk you. You’d continue your routine of washing your body but you’d make the mistake of closing your eyes when you brushed over your pebbled nipples. Curiously you’d grope them with the image of his exposed body in the pond cemented into the forefront of your mind making it easy to imagine his hands instead of your own. The hand that wasn’t busy with your breast would wander down to give attention to your needy clit that had been giving you clues as to what the target of your frustration had been. 

This is the scenario that Toji found himself jerking off to late at night in his bedroom after fighting the urge to take home a woman from the bar he had been at. He cursed you for this. If you hadn’t made the sole rule be not fucking anyone else, he’d be having his dick blown right now. You’d have no problem with that rule. That rule was a test and Toji was one boner away from breaking it. 

It was pathetic how he was holding out for someone who he hadn’t even felt yet. 

It had been a few days since he had last seen you and his body was not reacting to it well. He thought you would’ve been crawling to him by now. He pumped his shaft faster in frustration that the scenario he had imagined wasn’t even a probability for you. You had gone your whole life without sex, what would be a couple of days, weeks, or months added on of not experiencing it? 

He let out a few pumps before he came and let his other arm fall over his eyes while he tried to even out his breath. The pleasure that should’ve come along with it was nonexistent. Instead, he made the mistake of letting his mind flash an image of you again. 

He would spend the rest of his night restless and sore.

The next day he had to clear his mind through means that keep him sane.

There he was in a gambling pub in Shinjuku trying to make use of his money by trying to expand on it. It was also his unhealthy way of killing time as he anticipated your call. His gambling feats were enough to forget about all the other times he had lost money. He had placed his bet for the horse race that was the gamble of the day and ordered himself some takoyaki. The pub was situated on the outskirts of Shinjuku and was a hole-in-the-wall place. The pub was littered with all walks of life – a salaryman that is using gambling as a salvation, a group of construction workers who were there for lunch and had bet the lowest amount possible as they treated it as a game, a pair of middle-aged men that didn’t want to go home to their wife and kids, and then the majority were questionable characters that were stereotypical to the environment.

If Toji were to choose between the aforementioned list he would say he was a mix of them all. This information was based on observation and had a high possibility of it all being false but Toji didn’t plan on finding out. No, he is going to take his profiling as gospel and allow himself to be right. They were the least of his worries after all. The horse he bet on was advancing and the money he put in looked like a sure win. 

From the corner of his eye, he saw the door to the pub open and knew from the suit and the stench of cigarettes that approached him who it was. Sipping on his fountain drink of choice, he huffs out a laugh and announces,  “Was under the impression you were embarrassed by me, Shiu. You always restrict our meetings to over the phone so what’s with the sudden appearance?” 

Shiu Kong, a 24-year-old Korean national and former detective somehow found himself in Japan as a handler for mercenaries. Toji met him at a pub similar to the one they were in 2 years ago but not by coincidence. Shiu had seen him a few times before approaching him but observing him get into a bar fight and his blatant disregard for others made him approach him with the offer of becoming a mercenary. 

“Unfortunately, you’re hard to miss.” The man lamented referring to the window that was directly in front of him and the man’s large silhouette. He walked closer to the table and spectated the horse race that was projected on the screen and made his bet with himself that Toji would lose. The gamble was that if Toji lost he’d reward himself another pack of parliaments and if he won he’d quit smoking.  

“Plenty embarrassed of you but I just happened to be in the area and saw you through the window. Decided to cut out the middleman and fill you in on the job in person.” He explained while he searched one of his pockets for a staple of his image, a cigarette, and a lighter. Digging out both he exhaled, “Might find some entertainment watching you blow a shit load of cash in one go.”

“You’re wasting your time. I might not even bother with the job after I win this one. Bet 8 million on that Bronco and heard from one of the guys here that he’s a sure win.” Toji assured, offhandedly directing his chopsticks toward a sleazy-looking bald man across the pub.

“Yeah?” he asked in disbelief as he pulled out a seat next to his delusional client, “Should you be taking advice from a man who’s betting against you?”

No, he shouldn’t but he could always leave the man a generous message if he did decide to play dirty. Regardless if the man had “reassured” him that his bet was solid, Toji felt confident in his bet. He contributed his confidence to the outlook of his week. He was hoping that the biggest star in the sky was as much in favor of him as it had been on that date. Again, your image manifested in his mind causing him to try to remain neutral and adjust himself discreetly under the table. 

He returned his gaze to the TV while he was picking up his set of chopsticks when he saw the announcement that his horse had lost. Out of frustration, he had cracked them with the emotion that had manifested in the force he held them in. He stood up from his seat and scoured the pub for the man with his eyes. He focused his eyes on where had been earlier and saw only the food he had been eating left.

“Coward”, he mumbled as he plopped himself back on the stool and pulled out another set of chopsticks from the canister on the table, he grumbled, “How much is it and when do I have to do it?”

Puffing out the smoke, he taunted thoroughly amused with how the situation worked out for him, “Trying to make another quick buck after this? Employers are going to start paying you a salary with how frequently you are asking for jobs.” 

“If it’s anything short of a million they can shove that salary offer up their ass. I have to force you to negotiate to even get half the amount the jobs are worth.” He swallowed and drank from the fountain drink that he had refilled multiple times with no plans of paying the refill fee. His most recent job payout was a rare one, usually, the payout for his jobs is between 10-50k. The employers never understood the value or cost of a life. Why would they? If they were never the ones doing it. Rich people had money to blow but not the faintest idea what it’s worth was.

Pulling a seat next to the enormous man, he lets a chuckle escape, “God forbid, a 22-year-old survives on a million a month. Your gambling is going to leave you on the street eventually and don’t expect as your handler I’m going to offer you my house to crash at.”

Plopping another takoyaki ball in his mouth as he watched the horse he betted on in the lead, he jauntily answered, “As long as the jobs roll in we are both in the clear of that ever happening.”

Call Toji any negative adjective (trust, I have some of my own) but he was diligent with his work. He was the highest mercenary in demand in all of Japan with how efficient he was with his commissions. Employers appreciated that all he asked was the lump sum and the general details of the job. Morals were not a driving force in any particular aspect of being a mercenary, at least that’s how Toji perceived his career path. 

Shiu nodded and vaguely detailed, “All these people want is for it to be done by the end of the month.” 

While Shiu began to debrief him vaguely on the job, Toji felt a beep in the pocket of his jeans. His contact list consisted of the man in front of him and the woman he had eagerly anticipated to be inside of. He could’ve groaned out of relief at this revelation. From briefly listening in on the job description, it seemed like a pretty standard job.

Finishing the last sips of his drink and chewing on the last ball of takoyaki, he grunted as he stood up from his seat, “Got it. Forward me the details in a text or something.”

“You’ve been in a rush the past couple of days, Zenin. What other unhealthy habit of yours have you been indulging in?” He asked to take a draw from his cigarette while stuffing one of his hands in his pocket. With how long they’ve known each other, he’s hardly ever seen him rushing to places. Toji lived on the ideology that he had all the time in the world and he didn’t care much for how he spent it. Now comparing this ideology with how he had been acting lately, the former detective’s interest had peaked.

“Nothing that you would care about.” He replied as he put on his jacket. He threw some cash on the table and patted his handlers back as he made his way out of the pub. 

“Thanks for that restaurant recommendation, by the way.”

Shiu watched as his associate walked through the doors of the establishment and smirked to himself. Getting up from his seat and throwing away the trash Toji had left behind he makes his way to a nearby smoke shop with his head held high and mentally thanking him for his misgivings.

No, thank you, Shiu thought as he handed the cashier his money.

———————————————————-----------------------------------------------------------------

Weeds are grown out.

[image attached]

The text alongside him reaching the garden to see you fully clothed, in baggy jeans and an even bigger knit sweater with an annoyingly yellow garden apron on top of it all with that brat of a brother beside you, well, color his disappointment.

Irony befell him as he found himself going back to his old routine of trying to go unnoticed by you guys. He must’ve been rusty because it didn’t take long for your blue eyes to find his hiding spot. You nodded your head in acknowledgment before turning your attention back to the miniature version of you that was inches away from terrorizing a flower. If he hadn’t known he was your brother, he could have passed off Satoru as your son. 

You slapped his wrist away causing him to yelp in pain and sheepishly grin at being caught. You looked at him unamused and demonstrated how to properly pluck a flower.

“You are too rough on such delicate organisms, ‘Toru. You have to treat them with care and love–” He brought his hands up mimicking your speech and guessed the next words you were going to say, “Because they feel it too blah blah blah.” 

He stared boredly at how you plucked the flower from the stem rather than from the root and didn’t notice how your method was any better than his.

“Feel stuff, my butt. Why care for something so weak? They don’t even do anything.”  You heard him mutter and were growing irritated at his attitude. Normally, you’d hear complaints about his attitude from his retainer and any other unlucky person who crossed his path. You’d reprimand him but his behavior never was bad when he was with you. He’d be whiny and pouty but that was the extent of it. This was unusual.

“Why do you care for the teddy bear that I gifted you? Why do you care for the toys that you play with?” You asked, placing the flower you had plucked in the pocket of your apron.

He answered as if it were obvious, “Because you got them for me.”

“But they don’t do anything, so what value do they bring you? You wouldn’t care if I threw them away, right?” 

“I wouldn’t care. You could buy me new ones.” This kid was audacious as he stared up at you with the cheekiest grin. 

This kid knew his strengths and Toji could applaud you for resisting the urge to enforce corporal punishment. 

You scoffed, “I would? What gave you that idea?”

Satoru wrapped his arms around your waist and snuggled into the embrace he had created. “Look at this face! You can’t say no to this!” He cooed, shining his eyes to yours that dulled in comparison.

You shook your head with a laugh, warming up to his antics, before creating some distance. You plucked two flowers out from nearby; hyssop and heliotrope. 

Crouching down to his height, you explained, “You don’t know the meaning now but I hope once you find this interesting enough that one day you’ll understand.” You threaded the flowers in the crevice behind his ear, brushing a few strands of hair out of the way to properly display them.

Smiling at your work, you confessed, “You are annoyingly cute and sometimes I wish you didn’t know that but that’s not why I buy you those things.”

Pointing to the flowers behind his ear you said, “Those flowers are important because they have meaning.”

“Huh?” Your brother's face contorted in visual confusion, unable to grasp the point you were trying to make.

“Satoru means “to know.” Your name has meaning and lets people know how to address you. It reveals to people the kind of person you are from that alone. It’s what makes you a person.” You recall fondly on the day you were given the honor to name him. Your parents were so preoccupied with the revelation of birthing a user of the Six Eyes that they had forgotten to give him a name. The responsibility then had been passed to you. His birth came before you had thought of baby names for your hypothetical future child but keeping in line with your unoriginality Satoru was the first name to come to mind.

“These flowers may look weak based on appearance but many hold toxic properties that could kill something based on impact or consumption. Assuming that something is weak makes you the weak one in a situation and inevitably leaves you at a greater disadvantage. It could lead to your death.” You explained as you pointed to a patch of lantana, bitter nightshade, and mountain laurel; flowers with beautiful exteriors but poisonous compositions. 

Satoru groaned but made no effort to take out the flowers you’d given him, “If I wanted a life lesson, I would’ve stayed with Yoichi.”

Being compared to his retainer made you recoil. You hadn’t meant to turn a sibling bonding day into a day of lectures. The world after the ignorant closings of childhood is nothing but continuous put-to-use life lessons. You’d rather give him insight into his destiny as the strongest than further inflate the propagated ego that the masses had given the boy that convinced him that he was invincible. 

“You are welcome to go back to him if this bores you so much.” You are met with silence and that only elicits a sigh from you. You announced, “Let’s call it a day. I have some matters to attend to and Yoichi is most likely searching for you.”

In truth Satoru wasn’t bored, he just wanted you to spend time with him. Without the lessons, without being at home, and without anything or anyone else to worry about. You were his moral compass and anything you’d say he’d follow. His attitude was directed toward the retainer he had been trying to dodge all day

Satoru’s voice called out behind you, “It’s not boring! Tell me about those! They look kinda funky, what do they mean?”

You turned around to see him pointing at a patch of weeds. You giggled walking over to him and ruffling his hair, “Those are called weeds and they mean that I need to pluck them out in order for the other flowers to stay alive.”

“Can I help you with that one day?” He asked, unknowingly robbing Toji of his side hustle.

“Of course.” You smiled when you leaned down to place a kiss on his head, “You can go ahead of me. I’ll see you later.”

“Be nice to Yoichi!”

“I’m always nice!” He stuck his tongue out as he ran off passing the tree Toji had been hiding behind. He walked out once the kid was outside of earshot and made his way to an expectant you.

“To what do I owe the displeasure, Zenin?” You asked, patting your hands onto your apron.

Gesturing his head to the fading body of your body, he confronts, “Was here to clock in but instead saw you interviewing someone for my job. Did I mention that I work better alone?” 

You laughed, “Guessing that I was interviewing for a new worker rather than a replacement is audacious. I’ve been giving you warnings about how you handled my hedges and you never seem to listen.”

“I express artistic freedom.” He shrugged, “What do they say? Art is in the eye of the beholder.” 

You chuckled then teased.“As I’ve said time and time again, you need better eyes.” 

Walking up the array of hedges that had been brutalized by Toji’s craftsmanship, you inquire, “Alright, what is this one supposed to be?”

What you had been pointing to were two hedges that you had thought looked like either a yin and yang figure or– actually, no that was your only guess. None of his pieces have ever looked easy to understand. You suppose he could make the argument that’s the point of art so instead of voicing that you let it remain a thought.

“Obviously that’s supposed to be a lion fighting a tiger.” He claimed with certainty.

You raised a brow, “They have stories?”

You didn’t think Toji had the capability to be creative or thoughtful. His life was based on thoughtless behavior, it was the basis of your friendship. Sure, the portrayal he was going for was violent but the thought did render you temporarily speechless. Thinking about it more, what kind of hobbies did Toji have? What kind of things does he like? Does he listen to music?

“You’ve said it yourself. Everything has meaning. Isn’t that what you were trying to tell that brat?” If you had been familiar with his bashful tells, you would’ve noticed how he refused to make eye contact with you when he answered and the tips of his ears went red.

“By the way, if that’s how you talk during sex too I might have to rethink our deal. Unless you're moaning during it then by all means continue.” He mocked, naturally reminding you of the agreement you had made almost a week ago that had been constantly replaying in your mind.

You rolled your eyes, feeling the incessant jabs at you today to be unfair, “You’d be able to get those sounds from me? I’d like to see you try.” 

His hands found their respective places at each side of your waist, pulling your ass into the outline of his hardened member as he breathed into the shell of your ear, “You could find out. We still haven’t put the point of this deal to trial yet.” 

“You’re vetoing my analogies during sex but that proves otherwise.” You rebuke, restraining the noise that wanted to come out from the impact. Remaining in his hold any longer, you would have let him take you right then and there. When you did get out of his touch, you heard him groan and felt the effects of it go straight to your core.

“I also remember mentioning that I don’t plan on losing it in the garden.” You calmly remind, trying hard to deny the throb in between your legs.

“I haven’t fucked anyone in a week. I’ve been maintaining my end of the deal. It’s now your turn to maintain yours. I was under the impression that you’d be one of the better pussy I’ve been in.”  He said in annoyance, growing tired of your game.

You didn’t necessarily have any proof to prove that he had been lying but you also had no proof that he had been telling the truth. You shrugged, not understanding how that had anything to do with you, “Whether I am or not, that’ll be up to you to decide.”

“Yeah, and when is that gonna be? It’s been nearly a week, doll. My patience is running out.” 

And it truly was. After jerking off to an imaginary scenario and sporting one to the thought of you, he could only endure so much. An ironic predicament for a man who has a Heavenly Pact that enhances his senses and his physical strength.

It must be your Gojo instincts because you felt pleasure in having something over the outcasted Zenin. 

“Tomorrow. I’ll give myself to you tomorrow.” You stated, making it seem like a less than thought out decision when in actuality you had this decided from the moment you had sent that text. 

“In the meantime, if you want to keep your job.” You handed him the hedge clippers, “Fix my hedges."

The rest of the time, it was a comfortable quiet with the noise of your collective pensive with the thoughts of tomorrow above all else.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The address in his text led you to a wear-for-tear apartment complex on the outskirts of Tokyo nearing Shinjuku. It was enveloped with nearby liquor stores, gambling pubs, drunkards, and arguing couples. It worried your driver to leave you alone in such a place so much that he had asked to wait for you out of concern for your safety but you waved him off without a second thought. The excuse you had used was that you were meeting up with an old colleague on work matters. He had been hesitant but he obeyed and drove off leaving you in front of the disarray. The environment is very well aligned with where you had imagined Toji would live. Given the amount of money that Toji was given in his jobs, he must’ve spent it all on a continuous streak of failed gambling bets and couldn’t afford to pay rent in a better place. You couldn’t even imagine the structure or the furniture he had in his apartment. You felt that it could have been the affluent possessions or black-and-white essentials. 

You let those thoughts linger as you made your way up the flight of stairs to his apartment. Each step was louder and more concerning than the last. The noise of cars passing by and various sirens were heard clearly throughout the motel-style infrastructure of the apartment.

When you arrived at his door, you felt the reality of the situation sink in. Your virginity wasn’t something sacred to you. As a teenager, you weren’t interested in any guy that much to want to lose it to them. You wished you had caved and just lost it to one of the many guys Yuki had sent your way. Due to your high standards, you’ve landed yourself in a situation that was more than you bargained for. You’re stuck with the option of Toji Zenin, the embodiment of sex.

You let your knuckles graze the door believing if you left them there for a while it would give you the courage to knock. The meandering thoughts were pushed aside once you lifted your knuckles to knock and felt your stomach twisted up into knots. You vaguely heard thuds and things opening and closing from the interior and felt the knots in your stomach tighten. 

He opened the door with relatively the same image that you had engraved in your mind; nothing but a towel around his neck and low hanging plaid red and black pajama pants that visibly displayed his defined v-line. Your blue eyes knew not to linger and went to search for his but found them fixated on your mouth. You’d have to address that habit of his eventually. You took that as your cue to speak.

“H-Hey.” 

Pathetic, you thought to yourself. It had only been a few hours ago that you held the power in the situation. Seeing a preview and what you’d be seeing soon, you forfeited any semblance of power that you had left. Pushing your way through the door, you reiterate, “Where’s your bedroom?”

Entering his apartment, your suspicions of what it would look like were semi-confirmed. There were no luxurious items but it was filled with household essentials like a couch and TV. It was also barren of any personality aside from a bar cart that had looked to be untouched.  

“Straight to the point? I appreciate taking into account how cruel you’ve been towards me.” He grinned at your flustered state. 

“Shut up, asshat. I just want to get this over with.” You barked back, walking aimlessly in his apartment aiming to find the door that led to his bedroom.

“It’s the first door to the left. You can wait there for me. I’ll be out soon” He called out as he made his way back into the bathroom to continue his night routine that you undoubtedly disrupted.

You entered the bedroom and were surprised to find that it was cleaner than you had imagined it to be. Much like the living room, it only held the essential furniture needed to distinguish its purpose. After assessing the room for what it was, you situated yourself on the bed with your hands gripping the skirt of your kimono. 

“You still have your clothes on?” You could hear the disappointment from his voice and as you turned to see him his face matched the tone of his voice. His body leaned against the doorframe, his appearance the same as it had been when he had opened the door.

You groaned, “At least try to pretend to not be disappointed.” 

“You preach that speaking the truth is important to your brother but when I do it you draw the line.” He said, referring to the day you had acknowledged his existence for the first time. He sits next to you, leaving a good distance in between, but the scent of his shampoo is so intoxicating that he might as well have been millimeters away.

“For someone who partakes in sex as often as you do, you should know that talking about relatives beforehand is a serious turn-off and not a form of sex talk.” You chastised with no merit to your words.

He looked thoroughly unimpressed by your comment and rebuked it, “We haven’t even started and you’re already questioning my skills.”

The foundation of your knowledge of sex came from sources like porn and Yuki that were classified as the same; dramatized and romanticized. Another source was Toji but the thought of him having been with other women doesn’t entirely sit right with you at the moment. 

“So how do you do this?” You asked, not entirely aware of how to initiate it. 

He loathed verbal communication if it wasn’t necessary. He was a firm believer that people can understand from physical cues alone. Therefore, he used his movements as a response. One of his hands maneuvers its way to the small of your waist, pulling you to where your knees touch. Having you secured where he wanted you, he reached his vacant hand to cup the underside of your jaw and licked his lips before consuming yours. Similarly to the first kiss you shared at the park, it was short and sweet. He pulled away before you could even reciprocate finding your lips searching for him.

He smirked and guided, “We’ll start with this and then we can work your way up to it.” 

Your lips hovering his and the scent of your strawberry chapstick lingering was not going to do it, he had to taste them again. So he did, working his mouth against yours and licking away the temptation of the strawberry chapstick. Unlike the first time, you had managed to catch on faster. You situated your hands on his shoulders to stabilize yourself but still felt unsteady. It wasn’t until you threaded your fingers into his hair that you felt secure.

He tugged on your lower lip to gain access but you weren’t one to back down easily. You weren’t the first to deny him and he had learned how to bypass brats like you. With his hand that had still been on the small of your back, he moved it lower to give your ass a quick tap causing you to gasp and for his tongue to claim your mouth.

Trying to win a battle of strength with Toji was a pathetic effort and after what felt like forever but was only a few seconds, you had given up on trying to win. 

“What am I supposed to do?” You whispered in earnest but the delicacy in your voice had translated in his head to something sensual in his ear. He withheld the groan that was threatening to leave his throat and opted to busy himself by placing one of his palms on the underside of your jaw to have you facing him as he brushed pieces of hair from your face. 

He brushed his lips over your own as he spoke breathlessly,  “You don’t gotta do anything, doll.”

He kissed you one final time before descending towards the valley on your neck and collarbones. His impatience waned with each descending kiss he’d leave on your body. Some parts earn attention while other parts yearn for it. The marks he left left him satisfied until he encountered the hemline of your kimono blocking the visage of your breast. 

“Sit up.” He instructed, helping guide you up while also loosening the obi from your waist in the process allowing your body to be exposed for him to see.

He had been complaining about you essentially blue balling him for over a week but he had no intention of having you work. Not tonight. Tonight was all about you and he was going to let you know that. 

Understanding what he was trying to do, you attempted to cover yourself with the fabric with your face flushing in the process. However, your attempt to fall lackluster in execution with your breast is now enhanced by your crossed arms. 

“Don’t just stare.” You muttered, suddenly feeling small – a feeling that did not come naturally to you.

“You’re just s’pretty. Hard not to.” The effects of his praise manifested differently, your upper half illuminating your cheeks in bright pink while the lower half hiding in your core.

Your pose and your expression had him experience a sexual high he had never been able to achieve with any other woman. A sculptor like Brancusi could feel,see, and anatomically understand your body but he could never be able to sculpt it in a manner that remained faithful to your essence. 

He took hold of your clothes and tossed them in the same direction he had your panties. You were fully bare but unlike earlier, you felt a surge of confidence at his dark green eyes morphing away from its former greed hue.

“Come on, now’s not the time to get shy with me.” He laughed before latching his mouth onto your breast bringing out a moan that had yet to be released from you. His tongue lapped, swirled, and tugged on your nipple with expertise while his other hand replicated his tongue's movement effortlessly. You tried covering your mouth in an attempt to muffle the noises that were fighting to come out but Toji took quick notice and moved it to situate back into his terrain of hair..

“I wanna hear those sweet noises of yours, doll. Let them out. You can try covering up how I’m making you feel but I know.” He urged you on before taking the hand that had been toying with your nipple and using one of his fingers to hook onto your panties and move them aside to rub across your slit and in doing so pick up how wet you had become from just from touch. Your lips were sealed shut but your hips bucked against his touch, trying to catch the sensation again. 

Slipping his fingers inside his mouth to suck up you up. He stuck his tongue out to give you a visual of his tongue churning on his finger. Pleased by your reaction, he kissed your lips in reward for your submission, permitting you to taste yourself. He mumbles in between kisses, “Your body makes it so obvious for me.”

“Do something.” You uttered between battered breaths.

He lowered himself between your thighs and raised your legs to rest on either side of his shoulder after he had skillfully taken off your panties in the process, tossing them aside without haste. Coming in contact with your pussy, he breathed haughtily against your folds. You had to have the prettiest pussy he had ever seen. It was dripping and anxiously awaiting his touch but he had to contain himself. 

“Demanding me? To do what exactly?” He used his breath to an advantage, drawing in and out of the vicinity of your pussy but never too close or too far. His antics are the source of the shiver that overtook your body.  

“Touch me.” You said in an obvious tone.

“Where? Here?” He asked coyly, grazing his tongue throughout your inner thigh barely reaching the meeting point of your thigh and your vagina. Deciding to be generous, he presses a kiss onto your swollen clit. You could’ve slapped yourself with the whimper you had let out.

You gritted out in between moans, knowing what he was doing, “Fuck you know where shit, you are such an asshole.” 

He rolled his eyes at the nickname but decided that since it was your first time he should save the edging for another day. 

Without warning, you feel a slow swirl on your clit before he commits to seeking refuge with his lips. He ate you out as if you contained ambrosia and the only way to fully attain it was by ruining you.

“You’ve got such a pretty clit, doll. Looks so cute and swollen.” He teased as he swirled a finger over it before giving it a little tug. You glanced down to see his hungry eyes drawn to your panting and moaning figure. You quickly looked away and he retracted his fingers from your clit at the same time. You whined out at the loss.

“Eyes on me.” 

You couldn’t find yourself to disobey. 

“Want you to remember this.” You heard him whisper in between sucks as he descended again. Occasionally he would groan into your cunt shocking you closer to an orgasm. The bed sheets weren’t even a contender for places to latch on. Your eyes were only on Toji. It was an automatic response to thread your fingers through his hair and guide his head closer to you. 

His name is left broken on your lips while your orgasm is on his. He gave you a second to compose yourself before asking, “Think you can handle more?”

More? Before you could ask, you had your words caught in your throat.

“All that from just my mouth.” He lapped up everything that had been seeping out of you. “Need to prep you before you take the whole thing. Wanna see how much you can take when I add one in.” He murmurs to himself more than to you. 

“Inflating your ego during sex, you’re such- fuck Toji!”  You cut yourself off at his finger slotting inside your cunt without any resistance or warning. 

“So loose. I’m sure you can take one more.” He mumbled against your ear.

He pumped in and out while his mouth met yours allowing you to taste yourself. Originally the thought had repulsed you but with the assaults on your cunt and an impending second orgasm, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. The kiss was sloppy. You would break away each time his fingers hit the right spot. 

Toji was right. Sex was a stress reliever. You couldn’t think of the documents on your desk that you needed to sign, missions that you had lined up for the week, or the brunch your mother had asked you to attend. That damn brunch was the least of your concerns. None of that mattered, not with how his fingers were slamming in and out of you at an inhuman pace that no other man could achieve. 

You felt that you were close but so did he. His lips left yours at the same time his fingers did and you anxiously anticipated their return but they never came. You turned to face him but noticed him get up off the bed.

“Why’d you stop?” You asked panting, lifting yourself using your elbows. Had you done something wrong? Before you could ask, he lifted a hand signaling you to remain still.

“Like I said, I was prepping you. Want you to cum on something else.” He informed, swiftly removing his remaining clothes leaving him fully nude.

Your imagination didn’t do it justice. At this point, nothing you had envisioned this to go to had been beyond your comprehension. That night at the pond was proving to be a preview. You had no dicks for reference to go off but based on the assumption you knew he was beyond average in girth and length. It had to be his Heavenly Pact at work because no normal human would be able to have been blessed like that.

“Are you ready? We can stop.” He asked with a kindness you had never thought was possible from a mercenary. His eyes remind you of an exploding nebula. You had never seen that sort of emotion from him in all your years of knowing him. 

Momentarily shocked you stared gapingly at him and you shook your head.

“I want you.” You softly whispered, though it had sounded different in your head.Not given enough time to backtrack on the implications, your body had already been lifted and settled onto a few pillows with your back against the headboard of his bed. 

Those were the words he imagined you saying when he’d touch himself to the thought of you. When he needed something to get him off while he was with a woman who wasn’t doing it for him.

Staring at your figure, you were stunning. Pieces of your white hair sticking to your body due to the sweat that could mimic a blizzard. Your boobs moving to an unsteady and erratic rhythm, Your thighs rubbing against each other to release tension, Then those eyes of yours that might as well have been the six-eyes with how alluring they were, tempting him to dare to ruin you, taint you, take you.

“What.” You mumble, suddenly the confidence you had felt earlier converting into self-conscious.

He places his thighs on either side of your legs, hovering over you before closing in on your face. “Been waiting years for you to admit that. Give me some time to soak it in.” He breathes, stealing another breathtaking kiss.

“I’m here now. Do what you want.” Your words draw out when he departs from the kiss. 

He shook his head while he fluttered his lips against your jaw, “You’re not ready for what I want. You’d fall right apart.”

Your left arm latched onto his shoulder to keep him close and hummed at his words.

“Try me.”

You felt the chuckle he let out on your collarbone, “You don’t ride a stallion without riding a mule first.”

“You do if you dare to try.” 

He stopped his advances and again laughed at your audacity before snaking a hand behind you to give your ass a playful tap.

“Offering to ride me? I’m sure you could but that’s gonna have to be another day.” He promised and you were inclined to believe without any further information.

You weren’t thinking. You couldn’t think knowing that his dick was so close but so far away. That you were about to lose it to Toji, the man who has been in your life for as long as you’ve been sentient. 

He must’ve sensed your nerves because he smiled–not one of those condescending Zenin smiles– but a smile that was unique to Toji.

“I got you.” He assured you with words but his green eyes were the first thing to register in your mind. 

He reached to the side of his nightstand and unwrapped the condom wrapper. He saw you watching with curious eyes.

“Wanna put it on?” He asked and you could only nod as he handed over to you. 

It seemed pretty straightforward. All you had to do was slip it on him. As you were about to make contact with his dick was when you realized what you were doing but let the thoughts die out. As you slipped it on fully, you let your fingers graze the part of his dick that wasn’t covered by the condom out of curiosity. His hand caught your wrist and you thought you did something wrong.

“Not today.” He tried to remain assertive but his wavering voice begged to differ. However, you didn’t notice.

“I’m going to put it in.” He said and you nodded. When he did you could only describe the sensation as foreign – more foreign than a kiss but not unwelcome— and you felt that you’d never hold leverage over him again.

This was too intimate. He was handling you with the care of a flower. Ironic, given how he went about tending your garden. You had hardly been allowed to do anything because he wouldn’t let you. He was partly in, with a little more than half of his dick inside of you, inching in slowly so as to not overwhelm you. 

“You can move.” 

“With pleasure.” He started off slow like he did when he first put it in – in the haze of your impatience you’d consider it a snail's pace– however, the way he rolled his hips into yours to make up for it. You observed as his eyes found a new fixation on his dick disappearing into your cunt. No matter how he tried to make up for it, you needed more and you were passed not wanting to beg.

“Faster, you can go faster.” You encouraged and he didn’t need to be told twice. He wrapped your legs around his waist and the angle immediately caused a knot to form in your stomach. The snail's pace was overtaken by a speed that you could compare to a jackrabbit. Your jaw lolled and began moaning and yelling profanities mixed in with his name that hazed out in your head to sound the same. It must’ve been a mantra because he joined in too.

“You’re doin’ so fuckin good, pretty girl. Takin’ it so well.” He praised before groaning out your name causing you to clench around him involuntarily. 

“Fu-uck you’re killing me here, doll. How does it feel getting ruined by me.” He growled, drawing out of you before ramming back into your cunt. The crescendo of your bodies resonating through the walls. 

“S’good! S’good!” He laughed at how gone you were. You were his dream incarnate. As he pushed into you, he let the thought of the long wait you put him through be worth it.

He kissed you, branding your hips with his hands and using the momentum to rut further into you, as he said, “Want to feel you cum. I know you got one more in ya, pretty.”  In such a short amount of time, he had already memorized your body’s cues.

You gasped at the increase in pace and knew that you would be reaching the end soon.

“To-oh-ji! Toji! Toji! Fuuh-uck!” You had officially lost all sense. Your hips rutted into his, a failed attempt at matching his pace. 

His mouth latched onto your boob, sucking harshing on your nipple, and occasionally biting onto it. Rather than giving your other boob the same attention, his other hand traveled into your valley and made a home abusing your clit that was pulsing from the overstimulation.

“I’m close.” You warned and his actions weren’t what unraveled you. It was his words.

Unlatching from your boob, he smirked against your lips, “You're there, baby. Let go.” 

His blinds were closed all the way, not allowing a speck of light to permeate through the bedroom but you were seeing stars. You may have seen Cassiopeia amongst them all. 

His mouth caught your moans but his pace didn’t relent just yet. His movements were not as precise as they had been, stuttering between strokes, and he had begun to be vocal. He was near his end and you had to repay him for his work by clenching around his dick and tugging at his hair. 

He rammed into your cunt one final time before you felt his cum spurt inside you. This is by far the most he had cum in– no, he had never cum this much before. His body fell slack onto yours and for a while, all you felt was your chest beat in unison. He stayed inside you for a while and when he did eventually take it out, you felt your cunt clench on air at the loss.

He tossed the condom into the nearby trash can and let himself fall beside yours. It was awkward for a while but you knew that you needed to leave. You started to get up from the bed, preparing to find your clothes that had been scattered throughout the room, his hand lying on top.

Turning to face him, you saw his pose embodied a sculpture of Hercules to a tee– naked with his sheet draping over the parts you had met a few minutes prior. 

“You don’t have to leave” If you didn’t know any better you could confuse his tone with his pleading.

“It’s already so late and my driver will definitely grow suspicious if I don’t return home tonight.”

“You had a driver bring you here?” He asked unimpressed. For someone as calculated as you, the rookie mistake of having a driver bring you here was laughable.

“How else would I get here? You didn’t necessarily offer me a ride.” You reminded him while you found your phone and texted your driver 

“No but you did.” He smirked and you felt your cheeks heat up.

“Consider the offer off the table.” Though it was a threat, he found the pout etched on your face too cute to hold your threat at a value. 

You made your way out of the apartment complex to see your driver waiting for you. 

“I surmise the meeting went well.” Your driver asked as he opened the door for you. 

Meeting? What meeting? Oh, that.

Clearing your throat, you ascertain, “I don’t believe those matters concern you.”

“R-Right, my apologies ma’am.” He stuttered out. Once you had entered the car, he dashed towards the driver's seat. You saw him stumble over his feet and wipe a few nervous sweat beads from his forehead before entering the car himself. 

Your hand was hovering over the privacy divider button when he spoke again.

“Your mother asked me to remind you of the brunch you have tomorrow with your father.” 

Your heart froze.

“Noted. Can we get going now? I’d like to wake up on time tomorrow.” You assumed he had replied after but could never know for certain because you had already drawn the divider up.

Staring out of the window you notice a light turned on inside of the apartment and a shadow briefly before it was overtaken by the bustling streets of Shinjuku.

It was odd to stare at the stars knowing how they felt for the first time.

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a/n: sorry for the two month break! honestly had a lot of trouble writing this chapter. I've never written smut before so I hope I was able to do the genre and toji justice. Also, after seeing Toji in the anime recently (do not speak to me about the Megumi scene or I will cry) felt like I missed writing about my man.

italicized references:

cassiopeia: a queen in ancient Greek mythology and constellation.

hyssop and heliotrope: flowers

tag list:

@cococola-cocaine @justtnat @softvgold @missroro

comment to let me know if you want to join the tag list for future updates!

make sure to reblog, like, and comment! they really help me know what you guys like and don't like!

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | ᴛᴏᴊɪ ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ| friends with benefits

characters: toji fushiguro x gojo!reader, toji zenin x gojo!reader

summary: an initial "date" leads to an agreement that you weren't expecting to fall into.

tags: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, suggestive language (thanks to Toji, of course), explicit language, symbolism (?), NO SMUT (bare with me y'all you will get it eventually! next chapter ;) strangers to friends to ?, fluff, Yuki as your self-proclaimed wing woman, exorcising curses, jealous toji, 2nd person point of view, the first person point of view switches are intentional!

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The “date” was set to be in 3 days. Not much communication has been happening between them in that time frame: no messages and no visits to the garden. The most recent message would’ve been the day he had sent that daunting text where you’d ridicule him for being so bombastic and him deciding the plans for the “date” without your input.

Friday, 8 pm at The Turnover in Roppongi.

That was all he had given you and when you tried to ask for details of his “itinerary” he went radio silent. It was the day of the “date” and even then he hadn’t responded. Nonetheless, you couldn’t worry about the vagueness or the “date” at all. No, you had to preoccupy your thoughts with the idea of a curse, with a disfigured metamorphic-looking bird body with hands and feet that looked like talons and a waning expression on its face, that was hanging upside down on a rustic exposed pipe in what would have been the lobby of a hotel. 

The mission was pitched to you by one of the higher-ups like most missions are. They say it’s something and then it turns out to be something else. In this situation in particular the curse was supposed to be a Semi-Grade 2 at most. You had to have been 20 feet outside of the semi-salvaged hotel that, on top of a mountain that you assumed used to be a popular tourist spot, harbored the curse when you felt the energy was 5 times the amount of energy a Semi-Grade 2 curse should have.  Not enough energy to be considered a Special Grade but too much to be a Grade 1. It had to be a Special Grade 1.

“Saaveee the biiird! Leet me saavee the biird mama!”

This curse was a manifestation of a child who died trying to save a bird, that was obvious enough. It’s not rare for children to be higher-graded curses but it is certainly uncommon. The child or the loved ones must have had a surplus enough negative energy to have manifested to be this strong. It goes to show how something once so pure can become corroded in a blink of an eye. The curse was not an intelligent curse from the repetition of those two sentences. That made the job easier and be it as it may you would have exorcized the curse without alerting anyone given how secluded the location was but to be extra precautious you put up a veil.

"Emerge from the darkness, blacker than darkness. Purify that which is impure." You recited from memory having had to put up many veils in your lifetime. Traditionally, the handler that oversaw the mission would be responsible for putting up veils but per the shortage of sorcerers, they allocated handlers to lower-ranking sorcerers. Out of courtesy, they did assign you a driver to transport you to and fro but they weren’t allowed to stay as that was outside the strobe of their occupation. If you had a complaint about this, you could direct it toward the higher-ups and the graves of the befallen. 

“Let’s make this quick, you’ve been suffering long enough.” You announced the curse in vain as if it would even comprehend/respond to your words. It did react to them by leaping from the pipe toward your direction with their talons retracted ready to swipe at your body. Though it did have talons for hands and feet and had the overall appearance of a bird species it couldn’t fly. All it was using was the momentum from the leap and had you been a second too slow in reacting or hadn’t been gifted the ability of Infinity you would’ve easily been left scarred. You had dodged it with ease and appeared behind it, a perk of the Limitless technique being instantaneous movement. 

“No need for theatrics.” You ridiculed in between dodges as it continued to make advances towards you and contemplated how to exorcise it. It had to have been 5 pm and the location of where you were was an hour away from the school and Roppongi was an additional 22 minutes away from that. That’s not including the report you would need to submit. To have enough time to get everything done, you need to end this now. 

You lifted your forefinger as you concentrated your cursed energy into a ball at the tip of your finger and redirected it toward the curse. It was a technique that had taken countless attempts to perfect as the essence of its power was based on precision. You found irony in that as it was by far the ultimate tool for destruction. For a prodigy, learning/mastering the technique should have come easily but the branch that would’ve classified you as a prodigy broke the moment you opened your eyes, and the glow of the genius in your blue eyes was absent. You couldn’t use Hollow Purple or activate your Infinity to be used 24/7. Strip away everything that built up your identity and you’d be left with nothing. 

 “Cursed Technique Reversal: Red.” 

Like that, you were left with a blood-stained floor and a dismembered cursed body. Based on the strength of the curse, it had to have manifested recently. If it were a few years older and had enough experience you were sure it would’ve put more of a fight. At max, it had to have been 6 months old. A long time for a child to be left suffering.

You didn’t try to linger any longer so you pulled your phone out to contact your driver and saw that you had been inside for less than 10 minutes. When you walk outside of the building and put down the barrier the car is already there. 

The driver opened the door for you before eliciting an array of praises, “Another amazing job, Gojo! I hadn’t even reached the bottom of the mountain before you called! You’re truly incredible!” 

What’s so amazing about anything about this career? Why praise me for this? You thought to yourself and made it a point to not reply. It’s the people who understand nothing about this career that would reward you with praise. What would a non-cursor user know about risking your life for people you don’t even care for? You became a hero archetype due to genetics not out of morality.

The driver got the hint and remained silent for the majority of the ride and you were appreciative of that. You didn’t even know their name or what they looked like due to how conservative the interactions had been. You spoke only when he asked about your destination. You spent the trip trying to articulate your report and let the thought of the exiled Zenin remain rooted in the backseat of your train of thought.

The driver dropped you off and sped off in a hurry, you shrugged and began walking toward the meeting room to give your report but saw a familiar blonde woman walking from that exact direction. You had done well in avoiding social interaction all day, you wanted to conserve your social energy and you knew she was going to drain you dry. 

“Gojo!” She had caught sight of you before you even had the chance to escape. You let your shoulders drop in defeat and waited for the women to reach you. “Coming back from a mission?” 

You let out a grunt in response as you began walking away. You truly hated small talk. Scratch that, you hated all kinds of talks. You especially hated talks with Yuki Tsukumo, your forced-upon “best friend.” After high school. you spoke with her only when you saw her and you’ve blocked her number on multiple occasions. Yuki was used to your lackluster replies and took your noise as an answer.

She had something she needed to tell you but she couldn’t remember it at the moment so as she tried to rummage through her vault of memories she decided to trail behind you and try to strike up a conversation which again was met with noises on your end. At a certain point, you checked your phone to check the time and saw it was already 6 and started to speed up. The blonde being perspective as ever noticed and gasped. That woman was dramatic and usually wrong in her assumptions but this scenario just so happened to align with her delusions.

“You’re meeting someone!” She exclaimed, somehow appearing in front of you and managing to stop you in your tracks.

You were wishing on a star that your cheeks hadn’t combusted in flames at her assumptions as you asserted with a false narrative, “You’re insane. I simply want to be done with the day and not deal with you.”

It was 6 pm, the stars hadn’t clocked in for their shift while the biggest was just starting to clock out. Your cheeks were ablaze and Yuki was soaking in the expression and the implications of it.

She shook your shoulders and exclaimed a little too loud, “Oh my god, it is a date!”

You slammed your hand on her mouth while you tried looking around to see if anyone was around to hear her. Once you saw the school looked to be barren of any human life, you decided to play it safe and pull her to a secluded place behind one of the buildings to continue the conversation. Removing your hand off her mouth, you began to speak, “It’s not a date and keep your voice down. If the wrong person hears that I’d be crucified.” 

In your classification of “wrong person”, it would be anyone who wasn’t you or Yuki. Your ring finger was a hot commodity in the community so if word got out that you were seeing someone. Well, you’d rather not imagine it too much.

She ignored the latter and focused on the former as she pointed to your red cheeks,  “You wouldn’t be that red if it wasn’t a date.”

“Because it’s not.”

She raised an eyebrow at you and asked, “Is that what the guy said?”

She got you there.

You gave up on trying to deny her claims and just began to comply. You felt like a little kid who had just got caught terrorizing the corridor walls with permanent markers and now was being interrogated for it. It was even more humiliating having been interrogated by none other than that woman. I never met her but based on how you described her she reminds me of someone else I know.

You let out a noise of denial and she sighed at that. “If he says it’s a date then it’s a date. Seems pretty straightforward to me.” The blonde-haired woman insisted, shrugging before relaxing her body against the wall of the building. “Men don’t have the mental capabilities to be that complex. If they are, it’s because they are stupid not because they are by any means smart.”

You mimicked her actions before huffing out a response, “If he says anything at all it should be taken with a grain of salt.”

“Hmm, you should stop giving everything double-meaning and start taking stuff for face value, Gojo. It will save you a lot of headaches in the future.” She suggested with no actual bias towards her words. 

Perhaps it would and you should start giving people the benefit of the doubt. “I would if he was worth taking at face value. That man doesn’t have an ounce of seriousness in him.” Just not today or any other day. Maybe that suggestion would work for somebody else.

“Maybe I would agree if you told me who this mystery man was.” Yuki quipped, for no reason to help and all the reason to be nosey in your love life. She has asked you time and time again what your type is. She has guessed every kind of generic person under the sun - you would say they were too bland. She would suggest the most mysterious person that countered the moon —- you’d grow irritated and say they are too complex for someone who doesn’t care. She would describe the flashiest man with a charisma so fiery it made the stars pale in comparison —- you grew uninterested and would seek refuge on land. 

“Not important enough to mention.”

Oh, how you’d be eating your words. 

“Boo.” The woman said as she stuck her tongue out at you. She'll get it out of you eventually. Either by your admission or through word of mouth. For now, she resigned her interest in your love interest and signed on to direct your outfit.  She gave you a once over and asked, “What do you plan on wearing?”

You followed her eyes and grew curious at her words, “What do you mean? I’m going like this?”

Outside of your kimonos, which you wore daily, you wore the required Jujutsu uniform. It was tailored to the same fashion of a kimono with a slight modern take; the flared and oversized sleeves, the plunging neckline that would’ve flashed your cleavage modestly if you weren’t wearing a black tank top underneath, a thick black belt that was made to mimic an obi, and a maxi skirt hemline that hardly exposed your feet or ankles. 

The butter-haired woman was left slack-jawed and appalled. Surely, you were kidding. She had to make sure you were.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

You were dressed too modestly to appeal to a modern man. Not that Yuki was one to abide by social stigmas but she needed to help her “friend” get laid. Sure, you were forced on spontaneous adventures with Yuki, all being illegal/irresponsible, but to her knowledge, you were still a virgin. All the blind dates she’d try setting you up on would result in her getting a text from the guy asking for your number since you’d “forgotten” to give it to them. You having any sort of interest in a guy was a miracle and she was going to help in whatever way she could.

“Are you free right now?” 

For you? “Not really, no.”

“Great, I still have time.” Her previous question was spoken out of courtesy. From the get-go, she was going to abduct you. She grabbed your arm and turned you around at a speed only a madwoman could achieve. 

You, a loyal abider of rules, were frantically trying to remind her of your duties. “What about my reports?! I have to turn them in before I leave!”

An imaginary light bulb shined over the woman’s head and suddenly the information she was supposed to tell you came rushing in. She gave you a cheeky smile and replied sheepishly, “Oh, forgot to mention. They got caught up with something they left a while ago.”

“You conveniently forgot to mention that!” She was too focused on trying to get to the dorms to reply to you. She didn’t know how much time she had before you had to meet this mystery man but given how eager you were to leave a few minutes ago she knew she was running on a time crunch.

She stopped before her old dorm room and fished her pockets for any tiny object she could use to shimmy her way through the lock. “I’m sure no one has taken over my dorm. I’m sure I left some clothes that you can borrow.”

“Breaking and entering is a great lesson to teach the kids.” You said as you appointed yourself as a lookout. 

Yuki looked at you unamused and countered “We aren’t teachers. We aren’t responsible for whether they see us as moral compasses.” 

It was fair enough but you would never verbally allow yourself to agree with anything Yuki Tsukumo said. Instead, you let her continue to try to unlock the door. Fortunately for you both, it didn’t take long seeing as the doorknob was older than the two of you. 

Unfortunately, Yuki was right again. The dorm appeared to be vacant but held memorabilia that would link the last tenant to the woman standing beside you. Though it was almost barren, the residual pieces of posters that were stuck on the wall via double-sided tape, the school-issued desk that had been painted black because Yuki hated the original color but due to the chipped paint and the poor paint job the original mahogany wood became visible, the latch of the window bolted down by your former principal to keep her from sneaking out; all of this remained visible. Neither one of you was the type to reminisce or get nostalgic over stuff like this. For that reason, Yuki made a beeline toward her old closet that was filled with a good selection of clothes; all of which were appropriate for a night out. Dresses that left little to the imagination, skirts that could cover half of a person’s ass at best, shirts that bordered undergarments, weapons that traditionally are called heels; any article of clothing you thought following those descriptions are most likely there. 

While Yuki rummaged through her clothes, she asked, “So where is he taking you? A dingy bar? Crappy movie? Dinner at a supposed 4-star restaurant with decent appetizers at best?” 

Every scenario felt specific and had you wondering how many bad dates that woman had been on. While she was sorting through her clothes, you made the risky choice of sitting on her old bed, praying that it wasn’t infested by any sort of bed bug. “Some restaurant in Roppongi. I think it’s called The Turnover. I haven’t heard of the place before.” You answered with your tone sounding departed from the conversation as you turned your head from side to side trying to inspect the bed for any bugs. When you feel a sensation making contact with your hand, you almost yelped expecting to see a tiny bug but instead, you were met with a tube top that grazed your hand. You look up to see the woman gazing at you as if you had grown two heads. 

“He is taking you to The Turnover? The most exclusive restaurant in all of Japan?! That’s the kind of place where rich people wear sweatpants if they want to.” The blonde explained in awe. 

This was new information for you but it must’ve not been riveting as you asked, gesturing to your clothes, “So I could go like this?”

“Are you rich by any chance?” You chose to remain quiet. The Gojo were wealthy but not on a global scale where other rich people would know who you are. 

She smirks at your lack of response and begins to narrow down potential options for you. Be it as it may, she did want you to be comfortable in what you wore; however, she did want to briefly and very briefly cross that line. Nothing too crazy and nothing you weren’t already familiar with. It was difficult to find an option from all of the clothing pieces she had but she landed on a true black sleeveless maxi dress that had gorgeous ruffled hems that laid asymmetrically on the lower half of the dress while it had an identical singular ruffled fabric piece dangling on top of the right arm; alongside that the waistline had sophisticated ruching that was certainly going to suction your figure in. She didn’t throw them at you like the dress but she did hand you a pair of black point-toe slingback pumps that had a decorative bow. As for a purse, she just handed you a black suede clutch seeing it’s the only sort of bag that was left in her closet. It was the perfect mix of classy and sexy.  It was an outfit that a femme fatale in a noir film would wear to a dinner she’d treat herself to after exploiting a man for all he has. 

She threw the dress in your face and demanded, “This. Put it on.”

You didn’t have time to argue with the woman. You could see from the dim of the sun that slightly permeated through the minimal openings of the blinds that it was nearing 7. You also didn’t bother to tell her to turn around when you started to take off your clothes and neither did she. It wasn’t anything she hadn’t seen before. 

As expected, the dress fits you. Though the original furniture was left in the dorm, there had been an absence of a mirror. From observing your figure with your eyes alone, you knew this was out of your comfort zone. All you had to go off was Yuki’s look of content at her work. 

“I didn’t leave any makeup or jewelry behind so this is the best I can do with what we have.” She surmised before glancing at her phone to check the time. “Is he picking you up or are you meeting there?”

“He didn’t mention much of anything. He just gave me the date, time, and place. I’m assuming we are meeting up there at 8.”

She let out a sigh of relief as it was 7:15 and the drive to Roppongi wasn’t much of a long one from the school. 

“Fortunately for you, I’m free for the rest of the day. I’ll take you on my motorcycle.” You paled at her offer but knew she was your only option. If you requested a driver from the school, especially one like the one you just had, there is no doubt in your mind that they would start telling people you were meeting someone. Instead of verbally replying, you dropped your shoulders in defeat and started to walk out of the room with an overly enthusiastic Yuki in tow.

Her motorcycle was in good condition and that did alleviate some fear that you had when it came to riding it. That all came crashing down when you noticed she only had one helmet.

“You aren’t going to wear one? Isn’t that illegal? What if you get stopped?” 

She had been getting ready to sit on the seat when she quirked an eyebrow towards you and asked, “What? Do you want me to wear it instead?”

“Die for all I care.” You responded as you started to place the helmet on your head. It was a foreign feeling to have to wear something like that and it was bordering discomfort but better to be uncomfortable than dead. After securing it on your head, you positioned yourself behind her and made sure to hold onto her waist for dear life. 

The woman chuckled at your response/actions but didn’t provide a retort. Instead, she revved up the engine, made sure to adjust her mirrors, and saw that everything was working fine before taking off. You were half-expecting her to be an erratic driver with no regard for pedestrians but even you could give this woman her flowers when they were deserved; she drove the speed limit, was cautious of other drivers, and managed to get you to the restaurant with 10 minutes to spare.

“Thank you for the ride. How much do you want for the gas money?” You asked as you began to pull out your wallet from your clutch. She cut you off as she fished out a small package from her jacket and gestured it towards you.

“No need. Just accept this and consider it even.” It was a pack of condoms. She had driven off and left you with a pack of condoms in the most affluent neighborhood in all of Japan. Fortunately, you had shoved them into your clutch before anyone took notice of the obscene “gift.” 

Previously, your back was facing away from the restaurant, and having turned to start walking towards it you understood why Yuki was in shock when you told her this was the place you were going. Having been thrown off by the condoms, you were now viewing the building for the first time. In all honesty, you are expecting a 3-star restaurant at best. Not a sky-rise restaurant that had passersby admiring the building from afar and not daring to get anywhere near it. If you hadn’t been invited you would’ve flocked to their side as well.

You took a deep breath to ground yourself but before you were about to enter through the automatic window-fashioned doors a whistle sounded behind you. Usually, you would’ve ignored that kind of unwanted attention but you heard familiar footsteps approach you and simply turned around to face your “date” for the night who was taking his time in appreciating your appearance. He had thought you were attractive in your kimonos but seeing you outside of traditional Japanese clothing. He was having trouble not letting his eyes wander to every part of your body that was being sucked in by the dress's fabric. If you had given him the opportunity, he would’ve had you bent over in a nearby alleyway as he drilled into you with every insatiable amount of energy he had.

While he did his lookover, you did the same for him. He traded in his compression shirt for a black dress shirt that could very well have been made with the same fit as one, a matching black tie and black tapered slacks. You had to make a conscious effort to not gulp at the sight of him. 

“Got all dressed up for our date? I’m honored you put in the effort. You’re truly living up to your nickname, doll.” He teased as toyed with the piece of ruffled fabric that dangled off your shoulder. 

“Not a date.” You affirmed, slapping his hand away from the fabric and reminding him, “You would’ve known that if you took the time to check my messages. I was promised a nice meal and that’s what I’m here for. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“I was busy trying to secure you this meal. The payout for this job was hefty so eat to your heart's content. I’m not one to let a woman pay for a meal.” He could practically see you begin to salivate at the implication of unlimited free food. 

As you entered the building, you both were met with a societally attractive man dressed in a black suit standing in front of the elevator leading up to the restaurant with a decently sized podium that had a booklet on top of it hiding the lower half of his body. He had just been done checking in a couple when he noticed you approach the podium and his pupils practically shaped themselves to be hearts.

“Do you have a reservation tonight, ma’am?” The man asked, clearly excluding Toji from the interaction. Rather than feeling offended by this, he was amused. He wanted to see how audacious this man could be.

“Yes, a reservation for two.” You caught on to this as well and made sure to emphasize the “two” but the host didn’t seem to pay any mind to it. He acknowledged Toji with an antagonistic gaze that tettered into almost provoking territory. Toji lifted a brow at this and instead of backing down the man seemed to take it as him challenging him.

“I see. What would your name be?” The man asked as he tried to be suave in his delivery but saw you to be unaffected. He coughed and caught himself, “For the reservation.”

“You won’t need it. The reservation isn’t under my name.” 

Having had enough of his fill, Toji stepped in. He wrapped an arm around your waist as if it was second nature for him and leaned forward over your shoulder to respond for you, “Toji Zenin.”

The man visibly deflated and directed you to the elevator behind you, “Right, of course. You guys can go through there and another host will seat you when you arrive.”

You nodded your head and walked ahead of Toji, who bumped shoulders with the host and whispered in the guy's ear, “Eyes shouldn’t be looking at shit that ain’t yours, kid. You wouldn’t even know what to do with a woman like that.”

Though you heard none of what was said, you did watch the host tense from the interaction and Toji walked into the elevator looking smug.

You saw his face smeared with absolute pride and had to interrogate him about the cause, “I don’t even want to guess what you told the poor guy.” 

He laughed and shrugged his shoulders, “Just told the kid he should get his eyes checked.”

You gave him an unimpressed look and corrected him, “Kid? He had to be around our age.”

He pouted like one of those easily angered mutts and barked, “Don’t care.”

When the elevator doors opened, you were greeted by another host. This one was much older than the one downstairs and also a man but seemed to have a far more professional aura to him seeing as he acknowledged the both of you and didn’t bother with unnecessary small talk.

He gave you a set of menus and sat you both in the balcony section which overlooked the whole of Roppongi, it was breathtaking and truly a view only the best of money could buy. 

“What do you say? Does this view beat the garden?” He asked in jest as he took notice of how entranced you had become in the scenery. Your evergreens were replaced with industrialized buildings and skyscrapers but it illuminated the stars so heavenly you had to verbally appreciate them in their honor.

You held a gaze to the stars that you were used to observing from the comfort of your garden. “It comes a close second but nothing comes close to those asymmetrical hedges that you cut.” Though only the location changed, they appeared to be far more extravagant than they usually were. 

“You gave me some pathetic excuse for hedge trimmers. Blame the machinery.” He defended before diverting his attention to the menu and you soon followed in tow.

As you were skimming through the hard-to-pronounce menu options, you began to wonder. Is this the place where he takes all the women he meets? It was a wandering thought you had when he first invited you out but now being in the restaurant it felt different. You weren’t curious out of insecurity or for the need to feel special. You just wanted new teasing material seeing as he had so much on you. Not tearing your eyes away from the Farro Mafaldine, you asked, “So what number does this make me?”

“Huh?” He asked, raising his eyes to meet yours.

You held contact wanting to gauge his answer more so on his expression than his words, “You’ve taken women here before, no? What number does that make me?”

His green eyes watched as your blue ones anticipated his words. He closed his menu, having already decided on a pasta variant, and answered truthfully, “Consider yourself lucky. You’d be the first. Never even been to this place before. It was recommended to me by someone I know.” 

You could retell this story to me millions of times — rework the narrative, sprinkle in additional information, hell even reinvent the story altogether. Though this man has lied about minuscule and pointless things, I chose to believe this version of the story.

You hid your surprise well as you cleared your throat to mask any emotion while letting your eyes graze seek asylum in the menu as you decided the Farro Mafaldine seemed less appetizing now, “Just know I’m not completely sold but because you are paying I’m inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt.”

“If that’s all it takes, let’s start planning our next date.” There he goes, referring to it as a date. It was almost taunting from your perspective. It was either his way or no way is how you described him to me.

The host from earlier approaches with a pen and pad in hand, and you let the topic die out. The only meal you had was breakfast but it was reduced in size because you shared it with Satoru. You needed food and fast food.

On top of a dim ambiance and stellar view, the food came out with efficiency and tasted like ambrosia. I never considered you a drinker, but you described that dinner to be on the night you had drunk far too many. The rest of the dinner was surprisingly pleasant. The usual urge to cut an outing short wasn’t present and you enjoyed being able to converse freely with him. For the most part, the conversation was driven by the prompt of 20 questions. It was all basic questions that you would know about someone — favorite color, favorite movie, favorite song, etc. A few flirty exchanges but you blamed the two cups of red wine and Toji’s natural personality for that. The night would continue even after Toji had paid for the meal as you both wandered through the streets of Roppongi.

While walking aimlessly, you happened to stumble upon a Hinokicho park that was devoid of both people and artificial lighting. All there was to illuminate the park was the radiance of the moon and stars which led you to a pond that was hidden amongst cedar and pagoda trees. 

“Wanna do something fun?” Toji asked as he watched a cast of light from the night sky appear in between the ripples of water.

You genuinely didn’t feel like letting the night end so the proposal to prolong it sounded appealing.

 “Like what?”

“Ever been skinny dipping?” 

On second thought. 

“W-What? Do you want to do that right now? What if someone sees?” He was impressed that you were more concerned about being seen by other people than by him. If you didn’t want to get undressed that was fine with him, he had an adrenaline that was fueled by the alcohol he had been drinking throughout the dinner and he needed it to be released somehow. He started to tug his tie loose, tossing it aside as he prepared to unbutton his dress shirt too, he said,  “Not much of an exhibitionist, are you? Guess I had you all wrong that night.”

“I’m cautious of my image.” You mumbled out as you wrapped your arms around yourself regretting the choice to wear a sleeveless dress. Though you mumbled he heard you along with the ringing of the cicadas and was confident in his rebuttal.

“No one is here. Let alone anyone who knows either of us. It’s just you and me.”

His words weren’t meant to soothe you, he was just stating a fact. Even if they were meant for that, it only made you all the more nervous. Especially when he had finished unbuttoning his shirt and taken off the undershirt his abs were out on full display. You had an image of how the upper half of his body would look due to his usual tight-fitted shirts but to see that image become true was something you never thought you would ever see. You saw his hand drift to his belt and you made the conscious choice to turn away from him. 

Wrong move. 

“I hope you know that doesn’t make it any better.” You heard his belt buckle unfasten and his pants drop and you were beginning to start to cash in another favor from the stars hoping this one would be tangible.

Even with your guard as indomitable as it had been, you somehow felt a breath graze your neck and the sensation of his hands ghosting on either side of your waist, you could sense the mischief in his tone as he spoke,  “Not supposed to but it should make you less mad at me.” 

“Mad at you?” His hands latched onto your sides and pulled your back into his chest as he began to walk backward to the pond, “No no don’t – Toji!” The stars were in dire need of entertainment and you had been failing to provide any for some time now. They considered this as a form of compensation. Trust, they twinkled as you bobbed your head from out of the water. 

The boisterous laughs of Toji bounced off the trees as he was doubled over at your appearance. The pond was 4ft at most yet you had managed to get drenched given how you’d fallen in. You may not have been naked but might as well have been. Your dress had already been form-fitted so with the mix of water it simply suctioned in anything that hadn’t been before like your undergarments. Your white hair melts into your skin and your suede pumps imprint an uncomfortable sensation on your feet. 

You yelled as you shivered from the added coldness of water that tattooed itself onto your body, “You asshole! I’m freezing!”

The man composed himself before answering you, “You wanted fun. That’s me making you have fun.”

“What about that was fun?! Look at me I’m all wet and you’re—“ It seems you would finally come to and take notice of the naked man in front of you that was allowing you and all of the surrounding nature to bear witness to his body. The Heavenly Pact held its end of the agreement and gifted him a body that would’ve had him confused as a mythological god. 

“You barely realized that I was naked?” He mocked as he soaked your expression of anger that he found himself searching for constantly. 

“Put some clothes on! Aren’t you cold?!” You exclaimed trying to focus your blue eyes everywhere but his direction.

You imagined he shook his head as he responded, “I’m enjoying the breeze. It’s honestly not that bad out.” Toji was desensitized to people seeing him naked. The multiple one-night stands and overall lack of care for self-image aided in his comfort in being nude. 

“I don’t care if you’re enjoying it! I don’t want to see all that!” You said using your forearm to block him from your view.

“Putting on clothes defeats the purpose of skinny dipping.” He reminded you while he leaned his body against a decently sized rock and rested his eyes, “Just relax and stop thinking.”

Stop thinking. First Yuki and now him. He seemed so tranquil and it couldn’t hurt to do the same, right? The alcohol haze could contribute to your daringness but your hand had unsuspectingly traveled to the zipper on your back and began to zip it off of you. It was stuck to your body and you had to put in extra work to take it off but when it did you placed the dress on a nearby rock that was further away from the one Toji was leaning against. The chill from earlier became much more prominent but the adrenaline was overcoming all your senses. 

If he hadn’t decided to open his eyes as a result of the water splashing your movements had made when you were beginning to take off your bra, you would’ve gained the confidence to take it off. He was aware of this due to your fingers that were heading toward the clasp of your black bra. Toji has seen different variations of bras— lacey, sheer, heavily padded, animal print, etc. It was a bra that he had taken off of women who didn’t do anything for him usually; however, he cursed himself for opening his eyes when he did. He immediately closed his eyes to pretend he hadn’t seen anything in hopes of you gaining courage.  A small wave of water splashed against his chest and he resigned himself to his plan.

“Nice try.”

He opened his eyes in defeat and allowed his gaze to be known on your figure. The shiver that coursed through you was something you blamed the weather and his viridescent eyes registered it to be the cause of that too.  He slid over to create a vacant space while extending his hand in a come over here gesture. 

“If you keep standing there, you might freeze over with the pond.” He explained noticing your hesitance.

“I’m fine.” You affirmed trying your best to not wrap your arms around yourself. “Besides I doubt too wet bodies are going to produce any body heat.”

“Doll, you’re a sorcerer, not a scientist. The combination of our body heat should be enough to keep you from freezing.” He countered as he left his hand extended and laughed when you ignored it but took up the vacant spot. You left a distance between the two of you and he scoffed, “You gotta get closer for it to work, you know.”

“I can feel it just fine from over here.” You retorted and instead of you getting closer to him, he got closer to you. He saw you were about to protest but intervened before you could.

“You’re doing it again.” 

“Doing what?” You said feigning innocence. 

“Thinking.” He replied as he wrapped an arm around your bare shoulders to secure you in place and you indeed did stop thinking at that very moment. You’ve been close to Toji before but never close enough to feel his bare chest against your cheek.

You shifted your head to lay on his collarbones instead and countered, “One of us has to do it because you sure as hell won’t. When was the last time you ever thought something through?”

He lived life pretty mindlessly and without consequence. Job offers weren’t up for debate— money is money. Going to see you in the garden was muscle memory and a force of habit. This direction that this date had taken was entirely on instinct rather than planning.  He thought about it for a moment before answering, “2 years ago, probably. When I left the clan.”

You took the “stop thinking” into consideration and immersed yourself in the conversation without worry, “It’s already been 2 years? I guess I should say congratulations on being able to survive thus far.”

You could feel the huff he let out resonating against your cheek, “You congratulate people who win awards or perform civil duties, not men like me who kill for a living.”

You didn’t disagree, “Fair but it must have been difficult having to adjust to that lifestyle, no? It is something to be impressed by.”

He didn’t want to stay on the topic and instead found salvation in the stars that had been aiding him throughout the night, “Whatever. How about you and those stars?”

“What about them?” You felt yourself smile at the opportunity to speak about them to someone. 

“I always see you looking at them. Got any kind of shitty explanation like you did with the flowers? Gonna tell me that they are the center of the universe or something?” He mocked in jest but the smile on your face remained regardless.

You sighed out in admiration, “I always found myself relating to them.”

“Kind of narcissistic to compare yourself to the stars, doll.” He joked.

“And it seems narcissistic to keep thinking you have a chance with me, Toji,” You returned and he allowed you to continue your spiel, “What I mean is people acknowledge them at face value. Yes, they are beautiful; yes, they shine brightly but what about their stories? Constellations have stories but what about the individual stars that make up those constellations?” 

You weren’t expecting him to understand your comparison. In the same way that he didn’t understand your flower analogy. You thought maybe it was a bit narcissistic to compare yourself to the same caliber as a star. However, it would seem he understood this analogy completely as he replied, “Hmm, I guess that makes some sense.”

Somehow the conversation diverted after that. You assumed it was because you spoke too much and your spiel was a little too corny. Regardless of what it was, you enjoyed the freezing pond and the man-made heater for another hour before you began to deem it too late. Toji hadn’t tried anything and remained respectful of your boundaries, understanding that you were in a vulnerable state. You also didn’t make an effort to remove yourself from him for the duration of your time inside of the pond. You hated to admit it to me but you enjoyed the comfort of being in his arms. 

Your dress was still completely drenched and you were beginning to panic at the thought of having to leave half-nude. The thought was fleeting as you felt a piece of fabric drape over your shoulders– it was Toji’s overshirt. It smelled just like him — raisin rum with an intoxicating hint of cologne. You turned to face him to see him already nearly dressed. All that was left was putting on his undershirt which he was in the middle of putting on. You watched as he looped his arms and his head through the holes and then took sight of you.

If you weren’t so stubborn to retell this portion of the story, you would’ve admitted that he smiled at you; however, you said it was an apparition of a distant smile, “Looks good on you. You should keep it.”

He approaches you and starts to button the shirt up for you. His fingers, though so scarred and rough, ghosted your skin mercifully. He buttoned nearly all of them minus the top one and huffed in contentment.

“Don’t need other people looking at what’s mine.” He states and anticipates your retaliation.

You laughed at his words and pushed him away, “Someone is going to overhear you one day and start making false assumptions about our relationship.”

He raised a brow and challenged, “Yeah? And what is our relationship? Friends with benefits?”

“That would imply that there were benefits.” You replied as you began to walk towards the section of the dry land that you had left your belongings in.

“There could be. You’re still a virgin. Don’t you want to lose it to someone who isn’t some Zenin or Kamo scum?” He suggested as he followed closely in toe.

“Need I remind you that you are still a Zenin and are very scummy.” You retaliate, not at all taking the conversation seriously and trying to collect all your belongings.

He ignored your comment and almost began to plead, “Seriously, think about it. It’s a win-win. You get laid by someone experienced and who you know and I get to fuck a really hot chick.”

“You swoon me with your words.” 

“You keep denying your attraction to me but I know the way you look at me. It’s not a friendly gaze.” It was his signature phrase when trying to convince you to admit your attraction to him. He needed you to know that he was serious about this arrangement and that he wasn’t going to take no until you heard him out. 

And he did just that. You felt yourself gulp and slowed your movements in gathering your belongings, “Oh yeah? And what kind of look would that be?”

“Like you want me to bend you over.” He said with a sultry consonance to his voice. “No need to feel ashamed because trust I want to do the same to you. Maybe even worse.”

You didn’t deny his accusations nor acknowledge them. You let it be up to interpretation but you both knew better.  

Ultimately, you sighed in defeat because, in all honesty, you didn’t want to lose it to someone you were arranged to marry especially to a relative of Toji’s. On the slim chance that you develop feelings for the man you are supposed to marry, it might benefit you to know what to do. Okay, maybe that was pushing it but the offer didn’t sound entirely bad. 

“Hypothetically, if this were to happen. Where would we do it? Though I love my garden, I am not entirely keen on outdoor sex.” You asked, finally facing the man who looked like a dog wagging his tail from side to side.

“Easy, we’ll do it at my place.” He rapid-fired as if he had the answer locked and loaded.

“Sure, that would work. Next, let’s set some boundaries and non-negotiables. If one of us disagrees with the other’s non-negotiable or if we both agree and the other dishonors it the whole thing is called off, deal?” You reasoned and knew this fantasy would not last past your first non-negotiable but Toji was resilient. “Luckily for you, I only have one.”

He nodded his head, “Shoot.” 

“My only non-negotiable is neither of us can fuck other people.”  You smirked as you saw his expression falter from the previous excited one and you continued, “We can go on dates, flirt with other people, and even kiss other people. However, neither one of us can fuck other people. If I find out you fucked another woman then this whole thing is over. Think you can handle that, womanizer?”

“You play dirty, doll.” He enjoyed fucking and disliked being tied down to something but he was willing to try. The idea of you flirting and kissing other men wasn’t a pleasant one and the idea of you fucking someone other than him irritated him to no end. You were an extremely attractive woman and there were plenty of men that would want to let you know that. Toji wasn’t insecure by this, no, he just knew if he saw that he’d—we’ll get to those stories eventually. “My non-negotiable is that we have to tell each other if we are meeting other people.”

You found that reasonable enough and nodded in agreement. As you were talking you managed to pick up all your belongings which weren’t much, just your dress and your clutch. You walked up to him and extended your hand, “Shake on it?”

He glanced at your hand and watched as his viridescent eyes darkened as they set camp on your lips, he suggested, “How about we seal the deal with a kiss? Makes for good practice.”

Though you were aware he was doing it to fulfill his selfish desire, his suggestion wasn’t bad. If you were to become friends with benefits, kissing comes with the territory and that’s by far the least daunting aspect of the whole arrangement.

You nodded again as you lowered your hand before taking a deep breath and telling him—-even though it felt like it was directed more toward yourself, “Practice. This is just practice. Don’t want you pulling anything, got it Zenin”

“Yes ma’am” is all he said before you felt his lips on yours and a hand resting in the conjugation of your neck and jaw. It wasn’t a peck nor was it a make out, it was a kiss. You were caught off guard by the new sensation and didn’t know how to react to it. All you knew is you didn’t mind it and that whatever he was doing you were trying your best to mimic it which you did earning you the sensation of feeling Toji’s scarred lips smirk into the kiss.

You pulled away but he spoke first.

“Not bad for your first kiss, doll.”

“Shut up.”

From afar, the kiss could be confused as a couple sharing a passionate kiss underneath the night sky basking in the nature that encapsulates their moment perfectly. 

The stars twinkled in glee and as I retell this I secretly do too.

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soliloquy: an act of speaking one's thoughts when by or regardless of any , especially by a character in a play.

sorry for the late update! was recently my birthday and I spent the week celebrating so kind of forgot to post lmao.

——————

tags:

@cococola-cocaine @justtnat @softvgold

comment to let me know if you want to join the tag list for future updates!

Possibly will upload Chapter 5 on Thursday! Sorry for not uploading last week! I decided to write this chapter to be longer to make up for that.

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | Toji Fushiguro| fruitions of life

characters: toji fushiguro x gojo!reader, toji zenin x gojo!reader

summary: you can’t expect to enter a garden and come out without getting messy…figuratively.

tags: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, suggestive language (thanks to Toji, of course), explicit language, symbolism (?), NO SMUT (bare with me y'all you will get it eventually) strangers to friends to ?, fluff, love their dynamic, 2nd person point of view, the first person point of view switches are intentional!

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The stars would have laughed at your relationship. You are close enough to be friends and hold enough attraction for one another to be lovers, but distant enough to be considered strangers. Toji was not far off when he talked to the stars to say that you were in denial about your relationship. This is not to say that Toji understood your relationship any better. Though he was aware that an attraction between the two of you was mutual, he understood his feelings to be simply that, attraction. Very hypocritical of him, if you asked me.

The persona that Toji had created when he entered your garden was a paradox to the life he lived outside of it. You knew only what he would allow you to know. Yes, he was swindling women for money. Yes, he liked to partake in gambling of all forms. Yes, he was a mercenary by trade. None of these “hobbies'' of his were ever explained thoroughly, just a lot of in-between kind of talks. He joked about how different you were from your reputation when you first met. He was an open book, a paperback that if you bent the page to read and didn’t have something to secure in place they’ll just snap closed. If it were put into proper use the years would reveal themselves before you even got to the title page.

I’d describe you to be a hardcover. You were a popular read that any literary aficionado wanted to unravel. Abiding by the rules of commerce, hardcovers cost more than paperbacks. Hardcovers are for appearances while paperbacks are for a proper read. In stark contrast to a paperback, hardcovers don’t advertise their use with their exterior. No, you’d have to flip through and give it the same amount of attention as a paperback. No one would want to do that.

The Toji Zenin who currently was helping you plant some pink camellia in your garden and the stone-cold mercenary that would remain a topic of discussion during debriefings were two distinguishable people in your eyes. I allow myself to believe that the reasoning behind this is that you both presented different personas to one another. Whether they were founded based on your true personas or the fantasy of what could’ve been. To this day, even as the narrator, I do not know.

You watched with your tote bag of gardening supplies perched on your shoulder as the man worked. He had shown up in a black compression t-shirt that did what it was told as you could see his muscles fighting against the shirt's fabric. Any movement he made you would be able to see his muscles contract and pronounce themselves against the shirt. It was a short-sleeve so regardless if it was a compression shirt or not you would be able to see them. He wore these kinds of shirts every time he entered the garden. You didn’t know if this was his everyday attire or if it was a coincidence. Unfortunately, you didn’t mind either reasoning.

“You gonna just stand there and check me out or help me plant this shit?” He asked midway through digging an unnecessarily enormous hole. Though he had been gifted with many physical attributes through this Heavenly Restriction, a green thumb was not one of them; He overwaters the plants, he doesn’t understand the reasoning behind removing weeds, and always accidentally stomps on flowers because of how comically big he is. Yet, you still allowed him to help and still paid him.

Call it charity work.

“I was judging how badly you planted those seeds.” You squatted down beside him, placing your tote bag on the ground before snatching the shovel from him and shoving him away to take over. You inspected his work and huffed, “With that poor eyesight of yours, I should reconsider your qualifications on letting you help me out with the garden. Seriously, how could you possibly think a seed this tiny needs that big of a hole.”

“Speaking from prior experiences?” He quipped, somehow not at all offended by you scrutinizing his work. You were trying to wrap your head around him having the body of a full-fledged adult with the accompaniment of the mind and libido of a pubescent boy. “When you say shit like that you make me think that you’re asking for me to say something out of pocket. I mean you kind of walk right into them, doll.”

Unknowingly is what you wanted to add to his statement. You unknowingly walked into his linguistic traps. You scoff, “How about I do you one better? What if you had something other than sex on your mind, pervert?”

He furrowed his eyebrows and poked a finger into your cheek furrowing your eyebrows but not letting it sway your attention on the flowers.

“Now where’s the fun in that? Life gets boring after a while. You gotta start switching things up before you get to that point.” He asserts, pulling another small shovel from your tote bag to continue tormenting your garden. “Ah, but I guess you’re already there.”

He knocks several decades off your lifespan with his words alone. You shook your head, “This is why I refused to exchange numbers with you. I’d rather keep my dosage of your stupidity to a low.”

“You’ll come around to it.”

He had immoderate confidence.

“You have to be gentle with them. Using that much aggression only leads to unpleasant results. The flowers feel the energy you put out.” You explain as you minimize the hole he made and gently tuck the seed inside of it. It was a philosophy of yours and wasn’t backed by any science. It’s just an observation you’ve made over the years of tending the garden and a philosophy that you’ve integrated into your life.

He wasn’t buying it.

“Bullshit. Flowers are flowers. They are meant to look good no matter how you plant ‘em.” He shifted his eyes to the flowers he planted versus the ones you planted and saw no difference between them. “I wouldn’t even be able to tell who planted what because they look the same.”

You saw where his eyes were and you scoffed at how wrong his statement was. What you were looking at were two very distinct patches of roses. One patch was weed-filled with roses toppling over one another. I don’t think I need to describe it any further for you to understand whose handiwork it was.

“It’s like childbirth. A child made out of love will prosper and continue to flourish on that love. On the other hand, a child who wasn’t won’t stand a chance and wither if it doesn’t have any love to live off of.” Though it was simply an analogy, it held truth in your lives. You and Toji weren’t made out of love. You were made to be exploited. Time and Decay struck a deal with each other and postponed you from withering. Perhaps, a sick twisted bet to see if you’d be salvageable. In your eyes, Love wanted nothing to do with the bet and wanted to let Time run its course. You morbidly bet against yourself; Time will tire itself out eventually and allow Decay to win.

Though the argument on the preservation of flowers would continue to be a disagreement, you had a feeling if you had vocalized that wager between Time and Decay you both would’ve seen eye-to-eye.

“Guess I’ll be seeing you in hell then.” He said as patched the holes you made along the way. You allowed him to help in doing that seeing it’s his expertise when it comes to gardening. You nodded your head in agreement, “Satan would make you your own little island just to get away from you.”

“That so? And what about you, doll? Gonna join me in my solitude. I’m bound to get lonely.” He couldn’t go through one conversation without making it flirtatious.

You’d abide by the routine of it all: he flirts and you deflect. “Obviously I’m going to marry Satan and be the one to give him that plan. I’ll send you sucubus to keep you company.”

“So much for being a friend.”

It had been a few moments of silence and you both didn’t mind it. It was comfortable. However, something had been omnipresent in Toji’s mind, children. Children were a brand new topic. He had known of your stance on marriage. Specifically arranged marriage. It was the reigning topic whenever you’d complain about the meetings between you and the elders. It piqued his curiosity enough to ask, “That little children monologue you did is making me think you want kids. Hate to remind you but that kid of yours would be a Zenin or a Kamo.”

“Out of duty, I have to bear children. Like you said with one of them but…” You stared at the seed packets and the flowers that surrounded you before continuing. “Selfishly, if life were different I think maybe I would still want to have my own.”

“Why even bother with kids? They just come in and ruin shit. Don’t understand what’s so great about them.” He stated, as he furrowed his eyebrows and sported his signature disgusted face.

You enjoyed being around children. They were the purest form of humanity that someone could be. It was the adults around them that corrupted the purity that they were born with. You wanted to preserve as much as you could of it but you weren’t a superhuman. You were just a sorcerer.

“If they are anything like Satoru, I don’t think I’d mind.” I would hope not.

“Yeah?” He asked as he handed you a seed packet that you graciously took offering him a head nod in acknowledgment. “Must mean you got some names thought up.”

“Hmm.” You weren’t paying much attention to him as you were trying to fix the mess he had made. Even though that’s what you were doing, he knew you heard him. You were just dodging the question.

To spite you, he grabbed another small hand shovel and dug up the hole you had just patched. That didn’t do much in stopping as you just patched it up again. Of course, this man was persistent. You both continued the ongoing dig-patch-dig-patch game until you got fed up and snatched the shovel away from him. You turned to reprimand him but his eyes had a Medusa-esque curse for turning you stiff. Knowing he had your attention he asked again, “You’ve thought about having kids enough. You have to have some names picked out.”

You saw his expectant gaze and sighed. You continued what you were doing but replied with your answer nonetheless. “It’s embarrassing to say but I only have one name in mind.”

He shrugged, “That’s one more than I have. Spit it out.”

“Megumi.”

It’s a common name. You can’t live in Japan without knowing at least one Megumi in your life. The absence of originality never hindered its appeal as a name for you. The name itself wasn’t what made it a contender for you but the meaning of it felt the most suitable for a baby. “I think it’s a fitting name. Children are supposed to be considered blessings.”

“Even for a guy?” You nod your head as you finish planting the seed, wiping your hands off with a hand towel you brought with you, “I don’t think it matters as much. The meaning wouldn’t change.”

You handed the towel over to him and he reciprocated your actions before racking a hand threw his hair, “I don’t know if your future kid will think the same way. He’s probably going to plot your death in your sleep.” This is one of the few times I would agree with the man.

“They’ll be more concerned about the life they were born into than their name.” Indeed they would be.

“What about you? Never thought about having a miniature you before?” You prompted as you got up to get the watering can that was nearby. “I’m hoping the answer is no.”

“Fuck no.” He barked out a laugh. Children were the last thing on his mind. He watched as you leaned down to grab and turn on the hose, “I’m barely surviving on my own. A kid would only add to the expenses and the shit I have to worry about. I use condoms and never go to the same place twice for that reason.”

“Ever thought of just practicing celibacy? Feel like it is a far less risky option than whatever you just said” You suggest as you shrug your shoulders and begin filling the can with water. Your suggestion was supposed to be rhetorical. In all honesty, you hoped he would just change the topic afterward but to your dismay, he hadn’t.

He planted his hands behind him and used them to position himself, “Once you experience what it’s like to be inside a pussy for the first time, you don’t go back.” You were convinced he didn’t have any words other than those that could be considered raunchy. “You’ll understand once some small dicked Kamo knocks you up on your Wedding day.”

You had half the mind to redirect the hose to splash that smirk off his face. The topic of first times came up once and you had told him that you were a virgin. You told him to never bring it up again but this was Toji we were talking about.

He noticed the grip you had on the hose and you didn’t know how he could extend his lips to curve to the extent they did as he continued his debauched tangent, “Sex is something people use to get rid of stress. You could benefit from that. Wouldn’t want my dear friend to get a full head of gray hair by the age of 21.” His head tilted towards your head, “Guess you already kind of have that going for ya don‘tcha? With the white hair and all.”

“I could just drown you with this water and I wouldn’t feel a damn thing.” You pointed out, letting the gesture of you shaking the water from the hose against the ground.

He suited mercenary work not only for his physical prowess and instincts. His audacity was a core component of his trade. It became obvious the level of audacity he had as he permitted his green eyes to stay fixed on your legs, “I would prefer you’d let me suffocate in between your thighs. I’d get you so wet I wouldn’t even try to come back for air.”

The half of the mind became all the mind. It was all a blur in the moment. One second the water is being directed to the water can and the next you are pointing it directly to Toji. When you realized what you had done, all you saw was a drenched Toji making his way toward you. “I can’t be the only one that's wet, baby.” He didn’t allow for any room for you to register the new nickname before he wrapped his arms around your torso and you were lifted off of the ground.

“Toji! Let go of me, you big oaf!” You pleaded with the man to let you down but he remained indifferent. He was treating your body like a rag doll —- twisting you left and right, up and down, and making sure that you are fully accosted to the same wet fate that you had graciously gifted him.

You were slamming your fists into his chest and it felt like punching a concrete wall. You, a user of the Limitless Technique with the ability to repel this man away but you momentarily forgot. You were too caught up in the idea that your clothes had molded to your figure due to the water in the same way it had for Toji.

Contrary to how careful you had been to not get any dirt on you, Toji treated the dirt that spread throughout his clothes in the same manner as the blood that would occasionally stain his clothes. He didn’t bother with it. Resulting in not only naturally tailored form-fitting clothing but also mud stains.

You were wearing a kimono, a staple piece for you. It lacked many potent colors like pink or red. Your mother preserved her looks as much as she did yours. She instilled into you that cool tones emphasized your physical features. Whenever you’d explore outside of that color spectrum a slew of passive-aggressive comments from her end.

Her comments on cool tones applied to your entire intermediate family. Remembering that you sobered up.

“Put me down! I can’t go looking like this!” Of course, you were referring to another event. You felt his hands sink further into your waist and hoisted you further up causing you to brace yourself with his shoulders. “Live a little. Just skip it.”

With how he had you positioned, you would need to look down to see him, which you did when you looked at him as if he had committed blasphemy and retorted, “Have you lost your mind?! I can’t just do that!”

Toji hated a lot of things; losing bets, women who kept in contact, employers who gave him half-ass pay, and jujutsu society. Though he didn’t hate anything about you, he did bear a hard distaste for how obedient you were when it came to the Elders. He scoffed at your words, “Says who? The elders? They could kiss my ass for all I care. It’s gonna be another event where you’re just there to look pretty. Have some fun, doll. I wasn’t lying about the gray hair.”

His words held merit and if he had used more persuasive language the possibility of you missing the event would have been higher. However, it wasn’t enough.

“Fine, I’ll let you go but only if you give me your number.” He proposed, halting the man made rollercoaster he had created.

You thought about it. There were plenty of cons to giving him your number that outweighed the pros. You were too fed up to care for it.

“Fine.”

He did as told and put you down but made quick with pulling out a grey Nokia flip phone that has seen its share of fights based on its condition. He handed it to you with the Create New Contact page open. You weren’t one to agree to things without following through so you held up your end of the deal. You were typing in your number when a text came through on his phone. He wouldn’t be able to know since the phone was on silent but you saw the text.

Sui Kong:

New job in Miyagi. Meet me at the usual spot. 10 million on this one.

Once you were done you handed it back. He hadn’t seen the message and you didn’t want to comment on seeing it. He was more focused on trying to get you to pull out your phone.

You shook your head and crossed your arms over your chest, “That wasn’t part of the deal.”

Another thing he doesn’t like about you. He groaned, “Do you always have to be so square?”

It wouldn’t kill you to be, you thought to yourself before you caved and searched for your phone before begrudgingly giving it to him. He inputted his phone number and said, “Well you’ve got shit to do, so I say let’s just call it a day.”

“Right.” Nothing compared to what he would have to do. You gathered all your things into your tote bag and were going to leave in silence as you usually do but you didn’t.

“Treat me to a nice dinner afterward.”

He would leave confused but understand what you’re referring to when he sees the message. You would have already been at the event socializing with the guests when you’d receive the message.

Unknown Number:

It’s a date.

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let me know in the replies if you guys want to be tagged in future chapters!

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | Toji Fushiguro| fate's entanglements

characters: toji fushiguro x gojo!reader, toji zenin x gojo!reader

summary: fate had a sense of humor that you didn't appreciate.

tags: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, satoru content!, suggestive language, explicit language, symbolism (?), strangers to friends, angst, fluff.

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The ceiling lights that hung above your head did a very lackluster job of replicating the scenic starlit nights you had grown accustomed to. The wooden paneled walls littered with religious scrolls reminded everyone in the room of their purpose for being here. The matching floorboards had probably been polished by a low-ranking clan member. The room was filled with the voices of countless men trying to talk over one another believing their words were more important than the others.

When you first started to attend these meetings, you would listen as attentively as you could as you tried to adhere to the diligent daughter archetype. After a while, they would repeat the same things over and over again just with different wording. It made you realize that being inside this room, power was nothing but a word. None of these men truly cared for the life of anyone: not their families, not their clan, not the non-curse users that they had to save, and not the children that they sent off on missions. No, these men’s purpose for having these meetings was fueled by control and appearances.     

“When are you going to just accept Osamu’s marriage proposal? My son is an impatient man with many women being offered to him. Why not make my boy’s day, Gojo?” 

“Perhaps you should consider that there is a reason why I have never accepted his marriage proposals, Naobito. Along with any other son of yours you’ve tried to send my way over the years.”  You retort as you take a sip of the sake in front of you. Like the others, Osamu wasn’t anything to look at. By far, the most unappealing of them all. You aren’t referring to his appearance but to him as an individual. With his mediocre skill set, you believed he entered the Hei on sheer luck. His only redeeming quality is that he was the same age as you. It contributed to his unattractive appeal as his mental age did not reflect his physical.

“When will you let go of this childish rebellion and accept one of their marriage proposals? Fairytale romances and true love do not exist for someone who is to ascend to be a clan leader.” His words are possibly the only logical thing that has been said during the entirety of the meeting. Love was never something you wanted and you don’t think it ever will. Partially because of the life you were set to have but also you have never felt those kinds of emotions for anyone before aside from familial love. 

It was rich that he was talking to you about being childish. Don’t be blinded to believe that the Zenins were the only clan asking for your hand as that’s not the case. Naobito was the most persistent out of them all. Your father wasn’t even as concerned about your future spouse as Naobito was.  “You may not understand my worth or even that of your sons but if I may express myself freely, let me pose an even far more daring question that could make you understand.” I did a horrendous job of defining you before. You were indeed still glorified that much hasn’t changed but you were a puppet with a consciousness with a life that could never be your own. “How many of your sons could put up a good fight against me?” 

The expression he made was one that you wish you had taken a picture of to show Toji. His thin eyebrows furrowed with a hardening gaze that was on the brink of cracking with the tension that had been created. “Trust, the reason that you are the next head of your clan is purely because fate decided to gain a sense of humor and made you the firstborn. Your abilities aren’t enough to be considered your silver lining.” The man remarked with words that have been made known to you ever since Satoru was born. The only aspect of life that was out of reach for the elders was fate but if this life were a utopia for them, they would’ve had Satoru be born first. You were grateful that you could carry the burdens so that Satoru wouldn’t have to one day. That’s why everything was bearable since this was all for him.

“If you wanted to challenge me to a spar you could’ve asked instead of hiding it with this prolonged conversation. How about we-” The benevolent voice of your father that called your name was enough to stun you into silence. “ You’re dismissed.” 

You believed that you inherited your father’s gift of having your tone of voice direct the atmosphere of a situation rather than the words spoken. He had spoken so little during the meeting you had momentarily let it slip your mind that he was present. People would say how similar you were to him and largely judge your character based on his. You didn’t consider yourself to be calm, calculated, or reserved but the world did. You considered yourself to be the complete opposite.

Standing up, you bow to your father, “My apologies.” You don’t even make the effort to see him with the gruff he let out as a response enough for you to know his disappointment. You also didn’t need to bother to look at Naobito to know that his eyes were hunting your retreating body.  

You weren’t even allowed a moment to reflect on what had happened as a tiny body with tufted hair like yours was seated at the first steps that descended from the building. His back was facing away from you but you could make out that he was holding onto something, maybe a ball or a toy of his. You watched as his head turned as if he were inspecting the area to either avoid being seen or trying to look for someone. 

“Toru, what are you doing here?” You asked, looking around to see if he had come here alone. Most of the meetings took place at either one of the campuses for Jujutsu High but today was the rare case of holding it at the Gojo compound. 

 “Finally! I thought I was going to have to wait all day for you to come out.” The tiny boy complained as you felt his hold tighten as he tried to tug you away with him. “Now come on! I want to play!”

Those meetings became bearable for him. You smiled at the boy before you ruffled his hair. “I thought we talked about being patient, ‘Toru? You can’t run away from training like this.”

He lifted his head toward you and pouted at your words. “But I missed you! This whole week has been training and it’s always the same thing over and over again. It’s so boring!” 

Placing one of your hands into his, you allow him to lead the way, “It’s for good for you. How else do you think you’ll ever get stronger than me? I had to do the same thing at your age to get to this point.”

You didn’t wholeheartedly believe that to be true. He deserved to be a kid and be able to play, go to traditional primary school, and make friends. Naobito was right, fate had a sense of humor. A terrible one at that.

“Whatever, I can worry about getting stronger than you when I’m older. Right now, I just want to play with you!” As the eldest, you should’ve taken him back to the training grounds. As his sister, you let him coerce you into playing an array of different games. It started off physical with games like “Red Light, Green Light” then strayed into games like “I, Spy.” You often wondered if he enjoyed the life he had and if moments like these were as important to him as they were to you. I could tell you that you are naive to undermine your brother’s love for you. In many ways, you felt you were failing him as his sister. The previous comment you made is a prime example of that. You should be nurturing his childhood but at some points, you feel like you hinder it. 

As a soft yawn escaped the little boy's voice, he made quick by covering his hands over his mouth. He wanted to keep spending with you. Lately, you’ve been busy with meetings and missions. This was one of the rare occasions that he’s been able to have you alone and away from everyone else. He didn’t want to go to sleep and then wake up with the uncertainty of if he’d even catch a glimpse of you throughout the day. 

You smiled at him as you poked his cheek. “I spy with my little eye someone who needs to go to sleep.” You brought your hand out for him to take but the 7-year-old boy didn’t budge.

He shook his head, crossing his arms over one another, and with a pout, he affirmed, “I’m not tired!” His body was against him as another yawn came out.

You scooped him up into your arms and almost instantly he fell asleep. Thankfully, where you guys were was close to the main house so that walk wasn’t far. Once you had entered the house you took notice of the familiar silence that was present regardless if your family was home or not. Your mother prided herself in her image so you assumed she was out at a tea party with high-standing women from other clans. Your father could be anywhere from still being at the meeting from earlier or in this case right in front of you.

“Care to explain why Satoru is with you and not training?” He made no effort to lower his voice and you felt Satoru twist his body a bit at the sound of his voice.

“Father, he is a child. He should not be training as hard as he is now. At his age, I wasn’t-” You were never allowed to speak freely with him, and at times you forget that. No worries, he would always remind you in the form of cutting your words short.

“And that’s where I went wrong with you.” The blue in his eyes was darker and more menacing compared to yours and Satoru’s. His hair was long with half of it being held up in a top knot while the other half was down.  His height aided in his uninviting aura standing at 6’4 and his yukata matched his cold exterior with it being a mixture of cool blues.  “Naobito’s words hold merit, I hope you know that. Don’t bring your brother down with you.” 

“Of course.” is all you say as you continue to make your way into Satoru’s bedroom. There wasn’t much personality to it as it was a traditional Japanese-style bedroom. The teddy bear on his bed that you had gifted him after winning it at a summer festival in high school was the only piece of personality his room had. Placing him down and tucking him in, you kiss his forehead. 

“Love you, ‘Toru.” You were making your way out of his room when you heard a mumbled, 

“Love you too.” from his direction. Turning to face him, you saw he was still asleep but now was hugging the bear. Your brother would always unknowingly find ways to make you smile which you did before leaving his room while trying to make your way out of the house.

“What are you doing going out at this time?” You heard your father call out from behind you and the smile soon fell. Turns out he hadn’t left when you took Satoru to his bedroom as he stood at the corner of the hallway with his arms crossed.

“I thought it would be a good idea to train. I haven’t been able to recently due to missions.” You lied and he seemed to buy it as he simply nodded before making his way to whoever knows where. 

He would have you castrated if he knew you were meeting up with the renowned Sorceror Killer.

“Is that my damsel in distress? How much do you want this time?” You teased the bulky man that looked comedic sitting amongst all the flora.  He yanked out a few flowers that were nearby before throwing them at you. Normally you would’ve reprimanded him for damaging your work like that but it wasn’t yours. You had somehow coerced the man into helping you plant/maintain your garden under the agreement that you’d give him money in return.

 “That joke stopped being funny after the first time, doll.” He rolled his eyes at your other comment before rubbing two of his fingers together in a money motion before “poofing” it away. “You don’t pay me enough to even consider you another form of income.” 

You laugh at this before grabbing the collar of his sweatshirt and pulling it down, you point to the prominent “love bites” he had received recently as you playfully pushed him away, “Maybe not, but those dates you take the women you swindle money from aren’t being paid from the money earned from that highly respectable job of yours.” 

A while after you found out about his “hobbies”, you grew desensitized to them. Granted you only experienced the before/aftermath of them; the “borrowed money”, the nauseating perfume that mingled with his, and the poorly hidden hickeys.  He described himself to be someone that was just experiencing the world and what it had to offer, good or bad.

“Getting so handsy with me but then pushing me away. You’re giving me mixed signals, doll.” The knack for being hypocritical had to be an inherited trait amongst the Zenin clan. 

A year has passed and you both certainly were liars. 

To an extent.

Yes, that was the closest that Toji had ever been allowed to get to you. That was in terms of physical contact. Over the year, you have gotten closer. You found out that he was a year older than you making him 22, how he got his scar, the night you talked for the first time he had only attended to tie off some loose ends with Naobito, and that he liked to gamble his money away.

After that initial meeting, the garden continued to be the designated meet-up spot. The number of times you’d see each other varied. Neither one of you had contact with one other outside of the garden so figuring out when the other would show up was a guessing game. You could either see each other every day or go months without any contact. The interactions held similar exchanges overall: talking about their days, stargazing, lingering touches, and unspoken words.

The mutual attraction from the start was palpable, but it had become difficult to deny as the years went by. This is more of an issue for yourself than for Toji, who vocalizes his attraction at any moment as long as there is an opportunity. You denied him for multiple reasons. The first is his instinct to wake up in other people’s beds rather than his own.

You were correct in assuming that Toji was a womanizer even if he heavily denied it. 

“Trying to signal to you that we’re friends shouldn’t be viewed as a bad thing. It seems you keep conveniently forgetting that part.” 

“Those women could be you if you just said yes.”  As per the routine, you ignored him. 

“You’re not usually the last one to show up between the both of us. Stuck in one of those meetings again or did something else take up your time?”

“Hmm.” Was the only response you gave him and he noticed your mood sour at mentioning your day.

“What did they do to piss you off this time?” He asked, chuckling at the irked expression you made. Anyone would consider your friendship to be an unlikely pairing that neither one of you could offer an answer to. In terms of bonding, if asked how you managed to remain friends you would bring up the mutual distaste for the higher powers of Jujutsu society. 

Landing your head onto his lap and letting your hands run down your face, you groaned,  “More like I pissed someone else off.”

He ran his fingers through your hair, pushing away a few strands that had fallen on top of your face. He gave up on trying to get rid of his habit of admiring your features. Though he has never admitted this to you, the women that he has hooked up with have never once come close to your beauty. It’s not like you made it easy with those eccentric features you had.  “You know, usually someone has to piss you off before you piss someone else off. If I were to guess it was Naobito this time?”

You shook your head irritated at having to think of that man again before answering,  “It’s always the same thing with him. With all due respect, none of your cousins are necessarily the most tolerable to be around.” You knew he didn’t take offense to that. He would’ve made the same remark about them too. Most likely an even harsher and more descriptive assortment of words. 

“It was my father.”

“Oh, now that one is different. Don’t tell me I’m influencing bad behavior on you, doll.” He was joking but there was truth to that statement. His influence was not in your actions but more in the actions that you wouldn’t allow yourself to act upon. For reference, as you lay on his lap you wonder how he would feel inside your mouth as you see the imprint of his dick from his sweatpants from your peripheral, and judging based on the imprint alone you could see that he was well-endowed. 

“It’s been a year and I still can tell you that you don’t have that kind of effect on me.” Lies like these remained a focal point in your relationship but Toji always knew when you were lying. You’d do what everyone else did when they lied like avoiding eye contact.

“Why don’t you leave?” He has posed this question to you previously and you’d always reply differently. Sometimes taking it seriously, sometimes not as much.

“Are you suggesting we become co-workers? With all due respect, I don’t think I’d take pleasure in knowing my livelihood is dependent on murder.” You chose the latter. 

“Don’t knock yourself too short. That gaze of yours could certainly knock a man dead with just a look. Might as well play up your strengths.” He joked as he twirled a strand of your hair in between his fingers.

“You flatter me too much.”

He tugged on the strand his hand eliciting a reaction out of you that he had dreamed about on various nights,  “You haven’t answered me. You keep complaining about the same things and the same people. Why not just leave it all?” 

“And what? Leave Satoru by himself? I leave and then what becomes of him? The elders will just force him to be the next clan leader and fulfill my responsibilities. That’s not what I want for him.” You’ve fantasized about your life outside of all of this on multiple occasions. If fate had been fond of you right now, you’d be studying in college for a degree you weren’t a hundred percent certain of. Rest assured, you’d have a collective of people who would understand and make you feel certain that you’ll figure it out one day. You’d also be working a part-time job at a nearby cafe to sustain you and Satoru in a one-bedroom apartment near his elementary. He would certainly be a class clown that was adored by all as an individual. Craving the ordinary may seem foolish for other people and if it was then you were truly an idiot. 

“You keep mentioning other people in your future but you haven’t said what you want yet.” Alongside the unspoken rule of not speaking about Toji’s sexual outings, topics such as these were hardly ever spoken about. Whether it was because it never came up in conversation or because it was believed to be too much you didn’t know.

“I don’t know what I want. I don’t have dreams. I don’t have aspirations. What’s the point of leaving if I have nothing worth leaving for?  ” You shrugged after you removed yourself from his lap to sit upright but didn’t make an effort to create distance between the two of you.

“Do you need a reason to be free?” His tone of voice made his words feel like a throwaway statement. As if it were the most obvious thing in the world. However, those words would continue to hang over your head for years to come, trust me I would know.

From his perspective, he was doing anything to get by. He became a mercenary because it was something he was good at and it paid well. It wasn’t a dream of his nor something he wanted to do. The only thing that it guaranteed him was freedom and a new life. Just like you, he didn’t particularly know what he wanted to do when he decided to leave the clan. He just knew that it was something he needed to do for himself. 

Leaning your head into the conjugation of his neck and jaw, feeling yourself get drowsy you let your eyes fall shut. “Don’t feel like talking anymore. Just stay here.”

After hearing your soft breaths, he knew you had fallen asleep. This was the first time in a while that he noticed that you hadn’t even acknowledged the guests that would frequent the sky at this time of night. The illuminated decorations scattered throughout the sky form different shapes. He never actually retained any of the constellation shapes that you’d point out to him.  It was mostly the stories and the names that were attached to the constellations that he’d remember. Orion and Artemis were apparently constellations that would appear frequently as that’s a prominent story he remembered you telling him. I would tell you their story but now is not the time.

He wrapped an arm around your sleeping body to keep you steady and leaned his head over yours as he spoke to the stars, “Friends? I think she’s the only one out of the both of us that believes that.”

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authors note: hope you enjoyed this chapter! please reblog, like, comment, or whatever you feel comfortable doing to let me know that you like this story and if I should continue it. Also, if you have anything you have questions about it don't be afraid to ask! I'll answer it to the best I can without spoiling too much :)

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | Toji Fushiguro| friendships

characters: toji fushiguro x gojo!reader, toji zenin x gojo!reader

summary: an unlikely pair form a friendship, sort of.

tags: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, Toji is enough of a warning, suggestive talks, strangers to friends, angst, fluff.

series masterlist

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To anyone wondering if that interaction stopped Toji from continuing the following game he had started with you, I hope that the image of Toji Zenin trailing behind you as you escape to your garden during the next social event six months later is sufficient as an answer. 

He watched your white hair try little to fight the wind as it swayed against your kimono with each step you took. He observed as you made no effort to stop his advances to get closer to you. As he had done in previous years, he began testing the waters to see how close he could get to you until you stopped him. Since that last interaction, Toji was now aware that you’ve known of his habit but even then you didn’t voice your concerns. 

In the mind of Toji Zenin, you didn’t view him as a threat. That notion irked him to no end. It was widely known that Toji was a disgrace to the Zenin name with no cursed energy to even redeem the surname. It wasn’t information that was strictly reserved to the clan as with any other clan, the fuck ups need to be acknowledged to spot who to mistreat at functions like these. 

“For a future clan leader, you are uncharacteristically okay with being defenseless.” Toji mocked as he continued to walk tread behind your figure. You knew little to nothing of the man but you had a feeling that he had a smirk etched alongside his scarred lip.

“You’re talking?” You huff out a laugh and don’t make an effort to raise your guard before continuing. “I’m not a liar, Zenin. What I said that day was true. I consider you a friend. Why would I need to defend myself?” 

“I’m sure you’ve heard of my feats. Surely, that should raise some alarm for your safety.” The feats in question were all the sorcerers he has killed in the past 3 months. The man had been undermined by his lack of cursed energy his whole life. Only a select few had acknowledged his potential. That niche collective pertains to the people who employed him. He was now trying to uncover which category you would slot into.

“All bad things, of course. You have quite the reputation, Zenin.”  You affirm his claims, searching your mind for more adjectives that have been used. It was a hot topic of discussion during the monthly elder’s meeting; Toji Zenin defected from the clan and Jujutsu society to become a mercenary: The Sorcerer Killer.

“You’re not here to kill me, are you? Friends usually don’t do that.” 

“Friends also usually know each other’s name. How about you try saying mine, doll.” 

“Doll? We’ve already gotten to the nickname stage? Should I make one for you?” Though he couldn’t see it he heard the lilt in your voice and could imagine your eyebrow raised in amusement. 

“Gotta say my name. Maybe then I’ll consider it.”

Plopping yourself in the same spot as last time, you face him, and your lips slightly parted. It was the first time you’ve seen him fully.  His appearance aligned with his lineage, the stark black hair and probing/emotionless green eyes. However, he looked nothing like his older brother Jinichi, who was an unruly man that you’ve had the displeasure of meeting on multiple occasions. The only attributes that could categorize him alongside his older brother were the scar on his lip, the fresh wound on his cheek, and his body.  If there was a word that surpassed well-built then Toji’s body was that. It was hard to discern with the baggy black sweatshirt and sweatpant set he wore but based on the muscles that peaked through the opening of the neckline, you don’t believe your assumptions to be baseless. Alongside that, he had to have been either the same age as you or older than you by a year at most.

You let your eyes fall in line with his,  “Toji.” He enjoyed how you said his name. “Your name is Toji, right.” 

“I guess we are friends.”  He huffed and followed your gaze. There you went again looking at the stars. He would never understand your fixation with them. Perhaps because all his life he had been described as anything but that. 

“So does that mean I can give you a nickname?” 

He shook his head and chuckled, “Keep dreaming, doll.” 

You let out a breath of disappointment before carrying out your usual routine of staring at the stars. The stars on duty tonight were far less than usual. You wondered what caused the shortage. Maybe some were stationed at another stretch of the hemisphere and were stationed to add an illuminating mystical ambiance to a pair of freshly weds the night of their honeymoon. You pitied the ones that shined dimly over you both. They were stuck overlooking a mercenary and a glorified puppet interacting for the first time. 

“You have a Heavenly Restriction, right?” You asked. “You were either limited or granted improvements in exchange for being born without cursed energy. What category do you fall into?”

The gamble when someone is given a Heavenly Restriction is 50/50. Some are left impaired while others are given improvements to their physical capabilities. This was what you had learned at Jujutsu Tech but you had never met anyone who possessed it. 

He rolls his eyes and the scar moved in unison with his lips. “I saw you checking me out earlier. Take a wild guess.” 

“Clarification wouldn’t hurt.” If he hadn’t been staring at you, he could have guessed that his words didn’t affect you. However, he could vaguely see the apples of your cheeks turning a faint red peeking through the parts of your hair that weren't actively in your shielding your face. 

A majority of your life had been confined to the Gojo compound. The sliver of time where you weren’t there was at Jujutsu Tech and the other students there were hardly anything to gawk at. Even at social events like the one you were escaping from, all the men looked the same. Average height, average build, below-average face, and infant-level intelligence. It’s safe to say that Toji was nothing like that. 

In addition to all the men looking the same, they also all looked at you the same, a piece of meat that would be best served on their bed. The man beside you held that same expression when he looked at you. It was an expression that was so natural for him that you wanted to believe that it was second nature for him. You don’t think you would mind if it was reserved just for you.

In layman’s terms, you found Toji Zenin unfathomably attractive. 

“Oh, is the heir of the Gojo clan blushing? What a lucky day.” He teased as he moved his body to be facing you. “The rumors surrounding you were wrong. You seem to be far more expressive than they make you out to be. At least with me, you are. Is there any reason for that, doll?”

A womanizer, you thought to yourself. This man had to be a womanizer with how seamlessly he could convert an unsuspecting conversation into a suggestive one. He certainly had the looks and personality to become one if he wasn’t one already.

“Do you want them to be true?” You challenge blatantly ignoring his other question, setting aside the brief embarrassment as you cast a gaze through your peripheral at the man. 

“Nah.” He shrugs as he replies. “You’d just remind me of that pain in the ass Naobito and that’s not what I come here for.” He had heard his clan describe you as a woman of few words with a silence that makes up for them. It was hard to picture as you have been anything but that with just this interaction as his evidence.

“So what did you come here for?” You asked the questions that have been circulating in your mind for years. “Why did you start coming here? This isn’t a place that many people can find. So how did you find it?”

The garden as previously described was deserted before you found it. No one knew of this haven besides you and Satoru. It was hidden further out of the Gojo compound and you could make the argument that it was outside the Gojo compound boundary. 

You truly did not beat around the bush, “You curious? The answer is gonna disappoint you.”

“I don’t have any expectations on what the answer could be so go ahead. I can assure you the reason as to why I’ve allowed you to follow me here will also disappoint you.” Your voice was relaxed but the way you formulated your sentences remained formal. Even in the way you sat; posture upright, hands placed neatly in the space between your legs, and eyes permeating through his soul. 

He racks his mind looking for a choice of wording as he props his head with his knuckles while his elbow is nuzzled into his knee supporting his position, “I dunno. You looked interesting and I followed. Nothing more to it than that.”  He was never good with words.

As he said before, he expected some form of disappointment to show on your face but as you did so well you did the opposite. For the first time, you smiled at him. Well, if it could even be considered that. He would describe it as quaint and faint. It was discernible to know that it wasn’t shown often as it felt foreign to see on your face but he didn’t seem to mind it. “That makes me feel better about my reasoning.”

Tucking your knees into your chest as you laid your head upon them, you confessed, “I noticed you the first time you started following me here. I thought you would approach me but you never did. I’m not one to start a conversation either so I didn’t make much of an effort to approach you either. It would’ve stayed like that if Satoru hadn’t noticed you that day.”

“You were just going to continue to let me watch you? Is that some sort of kink for you? Think they call that being an exhibitionist.” This man watched as visually recoiled at his words and sent him a pointed look.

“And wouldn’t that make you a voyeur?” Those three years at Jujutsu Tech were very informative. All thanks to Yuki Tsukumo, a failed mission of yours is how you would categorize her. She was supposed to be the Star Plasma Vessel for Tengen but somehow between the beginning of the mission and taking her to Tengen’s barrier you decided to offer her a second chance at life. The downside would be she had to become a student at Jujutsu Tech and become a sorcerer for the duration of her time as a student. Due to that act of kindness that nearly stripped you of your place within your clan,  Yuki made it her mission to expose you to life beyond the strobe of Jujutsu society: underage drinking, clubbing, blind dates, and adult content that came in all forms. Anything that could leave the elders of the clan in a catatonic state if they ever heard of it. 

“Look at that, we're the perfect match. We should test that compatibility of ours out one of these days” Toji thoroughly enjoyed the fact that he was able to unlock multiple expressions/emotions from you. In each passing moment, he felt the need to up the ante to see how far he could go before you would consider him to be crossing your boundary.  

You were none the wiser. Under other settings, there would be an obvious power imbalance between the two of you. You, who was put on a pedestal within the Jujutsu world, and then Toji, who was degraded for his lack of curse energy. However, the power imbalance between the two of you now was different. 

When you turned your face to offer a retort you were greeted with his face only a few inches away from yours. You don’t know when or how or if you were distracted by the conversation but at some point he had reached you. His eyes glided over your face and inspected every detail of it: your eyes that followed his own, your nose that was twitching in confusion, cheeks that still had leftover red, and your glossy lips. You noticed they stayed focused on your lips longer and he noticed that he had made a bad habit of doing that.

Momentarily you allowed yourself to wonder what it would feel like to let him close the gap but didn’t let it linger for too long. You instead focused on the fresh wound on his cheek that you had noticed earlier. It was merely a cut but it bothered you. Lifting your finger to touch the wound, leaving the man's eyes no choice but to deviate from your lips and follow your fingers. 

“You’re a careless man.” is all you say as you begin to use the reversed cursed technique to heal the minor wound. It was completely unnecessary on your part. A bandaid would’ve worked just as well. It could have been a fluke but you felt compelled to help him. 

Your hands were rough due to years of strenuous training yet they held a sort of gentleness alongside it. You felt his green eyes watching you closely but didn’t let them affect you as they had previously. At least that’s what you wanted to believe. Tapping gently along the cut, you say,  “I would ask where you got it from but since you haven’t answered my last question I won’t even try.”

“Tough day at work.” Toji wasn’t going to verbally tell you that he had just killed a man even if it was now common knowledge that his trade of work wasn’t formidable. You didn’t ask further questions upon that answer. You could see the curse residuals in the cut, the hint of blood in his smell, and the faint imprints of dried-up sweat on his skin. He knew you knew what he had done and there was nothing that you could do but silently acknowledge it.

“You’re letting me tread very close to you, doll. Wonder how close you’ll let me get next time.”  He teased as you felt his breath graze your lips. The proximity between the two of you felt far too intimate. 

You shook your head, removing your finger from his cheek briefly before trying to place it in the same position while activating Infinity. It would be the first time you had activated it throughout this entire interaction. Visually your finger looked as if it was touching his cheek but physically the man could feel the absence. Smirking slightly at the man, you affirm, “I wouldn’t get my hopes up. That was the last time.”

A friendship between two liars, the perfect match. 

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | TOJI FUSHIGURO| MASTERLIST

pairings: toji x reader

genre/tags: Toji x Gojo! reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, strangers to friends, idiots to lovers, angst, fluff, eventual smut

Series Warnings: foul/explicit language; major character death; Toji is enough of a warning, family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics; feelings of helplessness, insecurities; childhood neglect experiences, ; misogyny; friends with benefits (briefly); commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached reader; explicit sexual content (specific warnings stated per chapter) (18+)

Word count: TBD

Status: Ongoing

synopsis: As the future head of the Gojo clan, a certain persona needs to be projected at all times; calm, calculated, and reserved. Not a single soul other than your younger brother has seen you be anything other than that. All except Toji, the enigma who has been following you for as long as he can remember.

A/N: Hiii! This story is one I've desperately been wanting to see come into fruition by other authors. I didn't see enough of this pairing and decided to write one of my own. I may be a little in over my head with this one since I wrote the first couple of chapter without much thought about the actual plot. I promise it gets better!! I've tried writing fanfics before in this past but feel like this is the only one I will be able to complete. I'll try to keep to a schedule for chapter releases but can't promise I will be good about it. I'll probably be a lot slower than I'd like to be.

chapters -> Playlist 🎶: a soliloquy to the life we never had

chapter 1

chapter 2

chapter 3

chapter 4

chapter 5

chapter 6 (18+)

chapter 7 (18+)

chapter 8

chapter 9

chapter 10

chapter 11

chapter 12

chapter 13

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | Toji Fushiguro | first acknowledgments

characters: toji fushiguro x gojo!reader, toji zenin x gojo!reader

summary: As the future head of the Gojo clan, a certain persona needs to be projected at all times; calm, calculated, and reserved. Not a single soul other than your younger brother has seen you be anything other than that. All except Toji Zenin, the enigma who has been following you for as long as he can remember.

tags: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, mentions of misogyny, Toji is enough of a warning, strangers to friends to lovers to ?, angst, fluff, eventual smut

series masterlist

next

To be a part of a community, you gain a collective of like-minded people; when you're born into a clan, you lose the right to your individuality the day you are conceived. Being the oldest of the esteemed Gojo family expectations were set upon your birth. The fact that you were born a woman and not as a man certainly left many within the clan apprehensive of your potential as the future of the clan leader. Your parents were praying that you would inherit either Limitless or the Six-Eyes; or better yet both. The universe had delivered upon your parent's prayers, and you had awakened Limitless at the age of six. You could still recall the tears of joy your mother dropped upon your shoulders when she found out, the look of contentment from your father that never graced your presence since that day, and the sighs of relief amongst the higher-ups. Your whole future was solidified that day at the ripe age of 6.

Of course, a grand party was thrown for you and the blurred faces of people praising you remain a permanent image in your mind. Trying to go play with the kids your age but being blocked by someone awarding you praise. You didn’t know them but they knew you, rather they knew the potential you had. The praises all held the same undertone:

You are the future

You are the new era

You are the future head of the Gojo Clan

As per this pressure, you’ve been very thorough in breeding a certain image for yourself as aloof and recluse. No one had clearance to see any other side of you. Your parents had the luxury to witness it when you were a child but later joined the majority as you realized your purpose in their life. Only one soul witnessed and would continue to witness your most vulnerable side. At the age of 14 when your little brother Satoru was born. He was the most adorable baby with the brightest set of eyes rivaling your own, tufts of snow-colored hair, and just the overall essence of innocence that a baby is known to have. The notion that the expectations that were placed upon you would soon transfer onto him left a strong desire to protect him from this world. His existence was a beacon of hope for the Jujutsu world but to you, his existence was your reason to continue abiding by the rules of the clan.

He was your baby, Toru. Since the day you laid eyes on him, you knew that he would be basking in your enshrouded love for eons and centuries to come. Even if there were to come a day when he no longer needs you in his life, you would remain omnipresent.

When you had enrolled in Jujutsu Tech at 15 and had to leave him for the first three years of his life. You would visit the compound regularly to uphold your duties but allowed for that time to equal spending time with Satoru. Howbeit, it was never for longer than an hour you made use of the time. Your time as a student was perhaps the first ounce of freedom you had ever experienced yet also just another reminder of what you were bred to be. As per the clan's expectations, you started and ended your career as a student as a special-grade sorcerer. The clan had allowed you to continue as a sorcerer and even allowed for you to become a teacher at Jujutsu Tech once Satoru was of age to attend. Though that was years away, you were excited about that future nonetheless.

The clan held a grand celebration when Satoru inherited his cursed techniques as they invited all the other clans to join in on the festivities. They held it in one of the banquet halls in the compound and though you loved your brother with an amount that could never truly ever be calculated, you couldn’t bear to watch your brother become another victim of this fate and for any questions relating to your potential marital status. Though you were the next heir, the guest was too engrossed in their own political commentary to notice you slip away.

Much like any other heroine in a novel, you whisked yourself away into the family gardens. It had become your sanctuary ever since you stumbled upon it on a random night when life had become too overbearing. It was secluded away from the other homes on the compound and hardly ever frequented by anyone. When you discovered it, it was hard to even tell it was a garden. The whole area was polluted with dead flora and you felt the only sense of normality you had in your life was tending/visiting the garden. It’s sad to say but in your twenty years of life, this is the closest you’ve felt to being calm in your life.

As you walked upon the garden, you flopped yourself down in the midst of all the flora as you let out a breath you hadn’t even considered to have been holding in. You stared up at the stars that would always greet you at this time of night. You had given up on trying to memorize constellations and their names, what's the use? There would be no one to share your knowledge with at the end of the day. You wholeheartedly believe that you have had longer conversations with yourself than with anyone else. Even the stars had a community they could relate to. In some ways, you believed they could be compared to you. They were bright enough for people to look at and find interest in but not important enough to get to know. In your mind, you theorized that they probably listened in on the planets when they discussed kicking Pluto out.

“What a life.” You uttered as you watched the scenery above you. The trees swayed in and out of your view as they synchronized with the wind, the stars performing their constellation dance, and the moon watching over you in pity. Similarly to the attendees in the banquet hall, it would seem that you didn’t notice that someone else had entered your sanctuary.

Who could? Toji Zenin thought as he observed the oldest Gojo who was far too invested in your world to notice him. Your white hair fell around you in resemblance to snowflakes, your eyes as icy as a body of water in the height of winter, and your lips parted like the fish stuck in said body of water. You were undoubtedly beautiful and even Toji could admit that. He had thought as much since you were children. Throughout the clans, everyone was trying to have you married off to their sons while their sons offered no retaliation as they too were pleading for your hand. Of course, for the sake of having a Gojo but you were a sight to behold. He had seen you plenty of times during these kinds of events but you would never see him. You would run away and he would follow but never interact. Toji would never give an answer as to why he had begun this one-sided tradition for he also had no idea.

Over the years, out of precaution, Toji would maintain a relatively large distance between the two of you on the off chance that you would notice him. As the tradition progressed, the less cautious of the distance he became. Each year, he would inch closer and closer to you until now where he could consider himself to be within view of you if you had tried but obviously visible.

He watched as you lifted your arm into the sky, opening your palm out, and letting it stay like that for a few moments before hastily dropping your arm over your eyes with yet another sigh. If he had seen your perspective, he would have noticed the positioning of your palm being directly under a star. However, he didn’t need to be in your perspective because this was a habit of yours that you had developed over the years. He knew, that you knew, that you’d never catch a star. You had always a stoic and professional among the general public, no one could have guessed that the next Gojo head would be stargazing, much less, trying to “catch” a star without a thought in mind. For someone as low-ranking as Toji was in the jujutsu world, he could only find amusement in the situation.

“There you are!” A young Satoru enthused as he ran full throttle toward you before plopping down on top of your fallen body. You let out a noise at the abrupt action, coughing a tad bit as the wind was knocked out of you. The young boy notices and begins to laugh at your predicament. You cherished his happiness and made it a mission to always provide him with a smile during each interaction.

“You think attacking your older sister is funny, huh?” You began with a mischievous smile adorning your features. He didn’t need to be a wielder of the Six-Eyes to know what his sister’s next move was as he began to scurry off of you but was far too late as you sent a barrage of tickles his way.

“S-Stop! Ha-Ha! I-I w-wasn’t laughing! I swear!” He pleaded between a fit of laughs.

“Hmm, I don’t know ‘Toru seems like you were laughing to me. Say you were and I’ll stop.” You teased as you continued your “attacks” on the young boy. He tried to remain strong in his claims but ultimately surrendered.

“Fine!I did laugh!” and just like that the tickles stopped but were soon met with a warm embrace and a kiss on the cheek from you. Toji fleetingly wondered how that felt.

“See in return for being honest, you get rewards. Remember that in the future ‘Toru.” The young boy nodded at the statement before nuzzling himself further into the conjugation of your neck urging for the affection to last.

“So what do I owe the honor of having you here with me?” You asked as you lifted your body in a sitting position inevitably taking his up with yours and letting your head rest atop his head. “Certainly, Mother and Father didn’t allow for you to roam off by yourself.”

“These things are always so boring! I thought today was supposed to be about me.” You could feel the pout on Satoru’s lip and held him tighter. If only he knew that today was all about him, the him of today and the him of the future.

“You and I can celebrate another day. Just you and me.” You reassured yet since the day he was born every day has been about him. This easily excited the young boy as he babbled about all the things he wanted to do.

Yet, another sight to behold is the next Gojo clan leader being affectionate. Each passing year you had come to surprise the outcasted Zenin. He had seen many things but he had never seen you interact with the youngest Gojo. The garden looked like an accessory compared to how at ease you were with Satoru.

Toji watched as the siblings both stood up, you brushing out everything and anything that could tamper with each other's appearance before leaving hand in hand back to the venue. Feeling safe enough to emerge from his hiding spot, he enters the pathway with folded arms over his chest standing behind the two Gojo’s watching them leave. In accordance with the routine, he would stay a little longer before making his own exit.

What wasn’t a part of the routine was Satoru turning his head and making direct eye contact. Toji has spent his entire life being an invisible man. No one could ever tell he was standing behind them and no one would particularly care if they did know.

Satoru tugged at your hand urging you to look as well and you did. You gave the man a nod of acknowledgment with a ghost of a smile before turning to Satoru.

“He’s a friend of mine.”

Magnum Opus | phantom reunions

characters: ex!eren x reader, husband!levi x reader

summary: Insomnia and nicotine can cause a lot of mental hiccups but neither of you believed this one to be in relation to that.

tags: angst, fluff, eren finally shows up (kinda ??), a slice of life, children, parenthood, grief/mourning, these kids ain't giving reader a break, justice for hange.

“Hange stop holding onto the fence like that. You’re creeping people out.” You lectured the adult as you leaned your back against a nearby wall, while one of your hands held onto the handle of Amos’s stroller. Your other hand was being used as a makeshift fan as January’s weather was erratic with it only getting used to the divergence of climate. Today is a testament to its troubles with the heat being overbearing. Living close to the school, Hange suggested walking instead of using your car as transportation. – “Gas emissions are one of the leading causes of climate change.” 

Reluctantly they retracted their hands from the wire, demeanor going slack at the fact they no longer could stand guard. Keeping your words in mind, they let their eyes wander the vicinity to see that people were indeed staring not at them but at you.

“I’d say that I’m not the object of interest here.” They muttered, side-eying all of the individuals that were bold enough to make their gazes on you known. Many people were attracted to you like a moth to a flame based on Hange’s analysis. Never had you taken their words for a fact as you simply believed they were trying to boost your ego. 

Deciding to let you be ignorant on the matter, they frowned,  “Excuse me for being a concerned guardian.”

In your case, you had not heard their first comment nor acknowledged the gazes not because you were ignorant of the matter but because you simply weren’t interested. You felt your eyes automatically roll at their excuse. “This is an elementary school, not some sort of underground fight club.”

“That’s what they all say.” They exasperated before crouching down to come to eye level with Amos, who was previously aimlessly observing the other people waiting. Noticing a big shadow overtaking the sun, the child smiles seeing their godparent. They poked Amos’s pudgy cheeks, trying to coerce him to agree with their antics. “Isn’t that right baby? This is just some big fight club and Han-Han isn’t crazy.” 

His eyes crinkled while his mouth drew outwards, nodding his head in agreement as he chirped, “Yeah!”

The artist who had drawn the adorable illustrated smile on your son had now drawn the same design on themselves  — be it not adorable but still the same design prompt, you watched their eyes switch up towards your sitting form. “Why can’t you be more like your son? He understands the vision.”

“Wanna change my diaper, Han-Han?” You spoke with a babyish cadence, inching closer to their face. 

No one batted an eye at your words, probably believing you were mimicking your child in the stroller. However, Hange knew that simply was not the case. Having been with a man such as Levi for so long, you’ve adapted his personality’s tang to be your own. You were given the package deal that included his crude humor. 

They recoiled at the mental image you graciously painted for them while they pursed their lips. Placing their hands on their knees for support, they become eye level with you. “Your humor disgusts me. I hope you know that.”

“Gotta make life interesting for you somehow.” You teased, grinning from receiving the reaction you wanted. It had only grown in length when you heard a little giggle coming from inside the stroller. Bending to the side you were welcomed with your cheerful child erupting in a gibberish tangent with the only word deciphered from it being, ”Up! Up!” 

Unlatching the buckles in his stroller, you pull him towards you, cradling him in your arms you use an arm to shove the now empty stroller towards Hange, who didn't make much of an effort to refuse it as they were minimally shocked by the betrayal of their old accomplice.

“Why can’t you be more like your godson? He understands the joke.” You mocked and before they could even utter a response the sound of the school bell rang throughout the campus accompanied by the boisterous bustle of children eager to leave. 

The loud noise was not welcomed by Amos as he almost immediately began to wail. You had made the mistake of not bringing his headphones and now had to deal with the consequences. A stream of tears flowed through his tear ducts and partially made his steely eyes look foggy. You learned to not panic in these situations as it would only add to his own overwhelmed state. Instead, you would reassure him that there was nothing to fear and pull him closer to your body to let him know that you were there. It did indeed calm him down as he was now reduced to sniffles. 

Lifting your eyes towards the influx of elementary school students, your eyes brighten seeing your two children walk hand in hand, both of their eyes frantically trying to find your silhouette amongst the crowd. Tapping on Amos’s cheeks you point a finger in their direction and whisper in his ear, “Look over there, it’s bubba and sissy.” 

His clouded eyes followed your finger in a rather skeptical manner. His vision was slightly obscured but he could easily decipher the hazy silhouettes of his sibling. Rubbing the tears from his face, he cleared his vision and using all the vocal power he called out for his siblings in glee. 

Meanwhile, Hange had begun a search of their own with their hand being used as a visor of sorts with their index fingers pressed up against their eyebrows as their eyes had zeroed in on the crowd and found their targets. To be fully immersed in their search, they had yet to notice that you had spotted them first. Believing their running figures to be directed towards them and confusing their excited voices chanting “Mama! Bubba!” to be other children. Opening up their arms in expectation, they sigh in bliss as they flutter their eyes closed for added effect. 

After a while in their position, they were not met with the graces of tiny arms wrapping around their legs but instead the gushing of air. Peering an eye open they are greeted by the scene they had envisioned for themselves to be realized with you. 

They tried to recover from embarrassment but it was too late. 

With a judging stare, Iris pokes her head out of your legs and points towards the adult. “Han-Han, why are you standing like that? You look weird.” 

Masking their disappointed disposition, they let out a whistle as they covered up their actions in a stretch. “Just taking in the air and letting out a good stretch! You know, gotta be ready for the walk home.”

“You’re getting old, Hange! If you stretch too much you might break a bone. We learned that in class today. Right, Iris?” He turned to his sister who nodded in agreement. “Be careful.”

Children are easy to deceive and take everything for face value. They don’t know better and have yet to understand that they shouldn’t trust what everyone says. Most children do, at least. Whether you or Levi had some sort of special intellectual gene that was then passed on to your children was beyond them. Since they were kids, they wanted to believe that they were genuine in their concerns. However, as your kids, they couldn’t wholeheartedly believe that to be true. 

Their jaw slacked with the inclusion of a twitching eye, staring incredulously at the twins. Shifting their eyes upwards they see you with your head turned away from them and lips suctioned inwards in hopes of not bursting out in laughter. 

“Hey! Your mom and I aren’t that different in age!” They retorted back, highly offended at the fact that they were the only ones being discriminated against.

“I’m not the one pushing 30.”

“Why you-”

“Ah ah ah, I am sensing some inappropriate words. Best not continue that sentence in front of the kiddos.”

“Let’s just go.” They grumbled out as they began to walk away but were stopped by some forceful tugs on the trench coat. Glancing down they see Ace and Iris wearing apologetic expressions. “We’re sorry, Hange.”

“You are lucky you guys are cute.” They cooed, hugging them tightly. It was visible to anyone that they were losing oxygen during the whole interaction.

Your family dynamic was unique and to many unconventional with no longer having the leading male role that was to be seen in most depictions of familial dynamics. In your family, there was no need for that role to be filled by anyone. Scratch that, no one was worthy of filling the role anymore. It belonged to one person and solely one person. 

Even now as you walked through your neighborhood with the many unwanted stares being set on you and you alone. A few had the looks to make a woman swoon with just a glance and others didn’t have the same impact but weren’t that unsettling on the eyes. 

None of them amounted to him. No man ever will in your eyes. That’s what you believed to be true and in your mind, it was speculated to be factual. 

Aside from your hyper-awareness of the looks, the walk home was tranquil. Listening to Iris and Ace make the occasional comment about their surroundings while you and Hange would chime in and let them know what things were. Even with the lively sounds of cars passing and pedestrians talking, Amos didn’t seem too bothered by it as slumber overtook him. 

You and Hange had tried prying into their school day but to no avail. They claimed that the information was top secret and that people could be listening in. All you could do was play along with their silliness and await for the classified information to be revealed at home. Which they abided by, shoving you and Hange inside your home as soon as you had unlocked the door – gently taking the stroller away from you and slowly pulling inside to not wake their baby brother.

“What are you-” You had started but were soon shushed, being pushed further inside, specifically into your living room.  You both were ushered to the brown sectional couch that you had brought with you from the old house. It was one of the nicer items in your abode and your children knew this as they instructed you both to brush off any outside residue before taking your seat.

“What's the meaning of all this?” You ask with concern etched in your voice. The last thing you needed to hear was that your children were being mistreated by other kids at school. 

The twins gave each other knowing grins before reaching into their backpacks to pull out what seemed to be flyers. They gave you each one and as soon as you saw the title of it your heartbeat stagnated.

Dr.Yeager Presentation

On Wednesday, January 22nd

In the Shiganshina Elementary Gymnasium

@12:30pm

Ignorance was truly bliss as your children did not catch on to your desolate demeanor, taking your silence as you pondered on a decision. The surname that used to haunt you was now printed in bolded letters on a flyer. The flyer didn’t have any indications that it would be him either aside from sharing the same last name. You didn’t want to jump to conclusions and assume that it was the same person. In the years, you didn’t care enough to know about what career path he had chosen to pursue. Hell, you had no idea whether he was still in Shiganshina or not. 

A clap resonated within the living room walls, taking your attention off of the flyer and onto your enthusiastic son. 

“We want to go! We heard Dr. Yeager is a really good doctor and has done a lot of cool things! I want to be just like him!” Ace passionately proclaimed with his chest puffed out and an award-winning smile.

“I wanna ask him about dissecting!”, Iris added in a dreamlike state of mind, which left you a little worried and Hange oozing with pride. You didn’t have the heart to tell her that not all doctors “dissect” and let her live on her fantasy. 

“I say we let them! Enabling curiosity and building interests is good for them at this age.” They remind you, as a matter of fact. 

Staring a good while at the flyer, you nod your head following their claims. “I don’t see a problem with you guys going. It’s going to be after school so I’ll try to get off of work early and like Hange said this would be good for you guys.”

For the sake of your children’s happiness, biting the bullet was all you could do. Nevertheless, if it turned out to be him that could serve as a sign that he has changed.

Their steely eyes shined with excitement, their mouths beginning to open to vocalize their feelings but were silenced by you placing a finger on your lips, pointing to the dormant baby in the stroller. They nodded their heads and mumbled an apology.

You let out a chuckle at their actions and were going to speak but felt a pair of eyes on you. You see Hange tilt their head before giving a knowing gaze. 

Without the unvocalized reminder, you would’ve completely forgotten the commitment Hange had roped you into. You had almost allowed for a frown to graze its way on your face at the revelation but bit your inner cheek instead.

“We have some exciting news too.” Hange began and just when you thought they were going to take the reins on telling the kids the news, you felt an elbow nudge your side and a cough signaling you that would not be the case. You would’ve glared if the kids weren’t there.

“We’re going to the park and then afterward we’re going to go meet up with some of my old friends from high school for dinner.” You explained feeling rather awkward announcing the plans for the evening. Not wanting to worry them about your true sentiments about the situation, you concocted a faux smile to replace your rather dim expression. 

The excitement that they had previously felt had not diminished in the slightest, it had actually been amplified. They were jumping up and down in a circle as they held hands. You had checked off every excitable thing there was to them; Getting permission to go to the presentation and getting to spend time with you.

They threw themselves onto you as they welcomed you with a tight hug, peppering your face with long-lasting kisses. You made no effort to stop them as you enveloped your arms around their waists and pulled them closer to you.

Hange watched the interaction with sympathetic eyes, knowing and experiencing all that the family had gone through in the last couple of months. This allowed them to rest easy knowing that once they returned to Marley in a few days you guys would be fine and even if you weren’t, they were just a phone call away.

Taking one look at the watch on their wrist, they knew that they would have to cut this moment short for the sake of time – not because they felt left out at all, that would be petty. Clearing their throat, they let their voice be the bearer of unfortunate news. “Alright, Alright that’s enough kissing for today. We aren’t going until later so if you don’t want your mom to change her mind you guys have to finish your homework first.”

Just as quickly as they were to embrace you, they were equally as efficient to get off of you. Picking up their respective backpacks and rushing toward their bedrooms. Hearing the clicks of their doors shut, you slumped into the sofa with an exhale leaving your nose. 

“I think I’m going to take a nap. Wake me before it’s time to go.”

“You got it, boss.” You imagined they had saluted but you wouldn’t truly know as your eyes were shut closed and your mind had already begun to drift further from reality and into the abyss.

In recent months, your need to sleep has depleted. You never had sleep-related issues before and the running joke in your friend group was to compare you to a sloth with how frequently you’d craved to be asleep. When you dream you get transported to unrealistic situations where they can either be so realistic you believe them to be foretold prophecies or so far-fetched that you would make it the topic of conversation with your friends. With the passing of Levi, you didn’t get either. You wouldn’t dream at all. Rather you would be transported to a black void that made your mind wander for all the wrong reasons. Not to say the sleep you were receiving now was an improvement of that but you certainly stayed asleep far longer than you usually had.

What felt to be millennia was just short of four hours of uninterrupted sleep. It could have been longer if not for Hange sticking true to their word and shrugging you awake. 

“The kids are ready. We’re just waiting on you now.” They informed you as you nodded in response with addition of a yawn. 

You outstretched your limbs, hearing every bone crack in a satisfying way from the less-than-comfortable position you had slept in. “Let me freshen up and we can start heading out.” You groggled out as you rubbed your eyes, pushing yourself off of the couch to go towards the bathroom.

“Make sure to change your shirt! You got saliva stains all over it!” They called out from their position in the living room. Glancing down at your white shirt, you grimaced at the sight and rerouted yourself to your bedroom. You could hear their laugh slowly die out the closer to your bedroom you got. 

Entering the bleak room, you make your way to your closet. For being a walk-in, the lack of clothes made it look bigger than it was. A large portion of your clothes you had donated to a women's homeless shelter as a lot of your clothes no longer fit or you simply had no use for them. 

Rummaging through the minimal selection of clothes in your closet for an appropriate outfit had proven to be difficult as you began to overthink. Was this a casual event? Did you have to dress up? Did you want them to know that you tried to dress up? As you let your worries take up your mind, you failed to hear small footsteps enter your bedroom.

It wasn’t until they let themselves be known via vocalization that you had awakened from your trance. Turning behind you to meet the owner of the voice, you almost let a wail slip out of you.

In front of you was Iris. Her long raven hair was pulled into two separate low ponytails that had been tied with baby blue satin ribbons which granted her face to be showcased. 

If it was her beauty that moved you close to tears then you would be crying every single day at having such a blessing. However, the object of your near-close wails was not that. It was the dress she wore.

It was a prairie girl-esque style dress that was also blue but in a slightly lighter shade than the ribbons adorning her hair. A jewel-shaped lace neckline that had hearts spaced out every so inch thanks to the lace. Chiffon ruffles were seen going down the upper half of her body ending right at the end of the waistline that flowed out to be more chiffon. The ruffles were also orchestrated at the end of the sleeves, not overbearingly but in a simplistic way. The main focus points of the dress to a designer were its use of chiffon, the ruffles, and the color. To you, it was more than that.

“Do you need help, Mama?” She asked, not quite noticing your gaze on her dress as her eyes were looking straight past you and into your closet. “Han-Han told me to come help you.”

Not receiving a response she sees you eyeing her attire. “This is Papa’s favorite dress on me. He says I look like a pretty flower.” She explained bashful of her confession. Shifting with the balls of her feet, she muttered, “I want Mama’s friends to think I look like a pretty flower, too.”

You smiled at her explanation, brushing a few out-of-place hairs off her face before planting a delicate kiss on her forehead. “You do. You look like an Iris.” 

Your daughter’s cheeks faintly colored with a muted pink at the compliment. The urge to shower her with more affection was strong. Trying to relieve her embarrassment, she intertwines her hand in yours, pivoting you both in the direction of your closet. She grinned at your frowning expression. 

“If I’m a pretty flower then you have to be the prettiest!” She declared as she began to wreak havoc in your closet, tossing clothes she deemed to be ill-fitting for today's occasion across the room. You made no effort to stop her and sat on your bed expectantly. The possibility of her coming out with an atrocious outfit was slim. For being only six, she had a great eye for fashion. However, you were aware there weren’t many clothes she had to work with making the otherwise slim chance increase.

“Done!” 

Suddenly, articles of clothing are thrown directly at your face knocking you onto your bed. Peeling the article of clothing that had been obscuring your vision off of your face, you are pleasantly surprised by the selection. You had never been keen on wearing dresses feeling like they were a bit inconvenient with a lot of them not having pockets and the incessant fear that you’ll end up flashing someone. Albeit, this selection didn’t bother you at all.

It was a black short-sleeved bodycon that you hadn’t worn in years.  It has a mock neckline and was made of a ribbed knit material that ended mid-thigh. You never really had plans on ever using it, almost entirely forgetting it was even something you owned. In accompaniment with it was a neutral-colored plaid trench overcoat, it was endearing how considerate she was of your comfort. 

It wasn’t as intricate or showy as Iris’s outfit — in all honesty you didn’t believe anything ever could. The simplicity of the outfit and the mutable colors weren’t going to make you the talk of the discussion. As long as the muse – you – wore it that was all that mattered. It seems like what Iris meant wasn’t so much that you would be the prettiest – which you would regardless– but something that made you feel the way she saw you.

Looking in the mirror with the outfit on, you certainly did feel like a pretty flower. She permitted you the liberty of choosing accessories and footwear. A dainty gold necklace with your initials dangling as charms that were gifted to you on your first wedding anniversary by Levi and other miscellaneous jewelry that would compliment it. For footwear, you would’ve preferred to wear a casual white tennis shoe but were urged to go for a nude suede ribbon-laced heel by your persistent daughter. 

You were slightly nervous that you may look overdressed for the occasion which in turn made you not put much effort in was your hair or your face, deciding to go natural all around with the only product to grace your face being lip balm. 

“Good job, sweetie.” You praised. Letting her relish in her work and clapping in approval.

“You’re ready!” Not wanting to waste any more time, she pulls you out of your bedroom and into the living room where everyone else had been waiting for you. 

Hearing the sound of footsteps you hear Hange let out an exasperated sigh as they began their series of complaints. “Finally! How long does it-“

Seeing you now, they answered their question. Grinning from ear to ear, placing their hands on their hips as they whistled, “Look at you! Give us a twirl!”

You wanted to refuse but it looked like this was a group collective as Iris and Ace joined in.

“Twirl! Twirl! Twirl!” 

Rolling your eyes, you do as told. Crossing your feet one foot over the other to offer them all a lackluster twirl, not that they minded because they all still managed to dote on you. – “You look beautiful, mama!” “I think she looks the beautifulest!” “That’s not a word!”  "Is too!" “Who knew you had a body!”

Letting them all continue their compliments, you look over at Ace and Amos to see what they were wearing. It was a given that no one would be able to top Iris’s look today. It was to be expected in the family. However, that didn’t mean that they looked any less adorable. 

Ace was never one to care for how he looks. He’d grown accustomed to mimicking the outfits his father used to wear when they’d go out and had forgotten how to construct an outfit for himself. You assumed that Hange aided in picking an outfit since the clothes he wore were not even close to his normal graphic t-shirt and jeans he’d wear. A cream-colored jacket that had fur lining over the top of a plain white t-shirt and light-washed denim jeans. He seemed to get the memo since his usual hairstyle remained the same — a simple middle part.

On the other hand, Amos was wearing a white long sleeve that had a side pocket and three brown buttons coming down from the neckline. The same shade that was on the buttons translated into his cargo pants. To keep his head warm, he had an army green beanie that had an accent brown with the brand's name/logo. 

“You guys look so handsome!” You enthusiastically say, ruffling their hair resulting in them both, by choice nuzzling themselves into your hands. Looking up at Hange, who was holding Amos, you nod your head in acknowledgment. 

They were wearing the same clothes they had worn to pick up the kids. A white button-down that was peaking through their black vest, a navy green leather trench coat, and high-waisted white jeans that weren’t completely visible with their knee-high black boots. Their brunette hair was pulled back in the usual half-do bun with their bangs splitting to their respective sides as they slightly covered their eye-patched eye and their correctional lenses.

“And you look alright.” You passively remark. You walk past them and through the front door as they all follow close behind.

“Admitting that I look good isn’t that hard, ya know! Give me something to boast my ego a little!”

Luckily for all of you, using a car for transportation was needed. Both the park and Perko’s were too far to be considered a walking distance. Even with such knowledge, Hange was insistent that you all walk. You were all for the environment but if saving the environment meant walking across the town, the environment be damned. —- “If that’s what you want, be my guest. See you in 4-5 business days.”

In record time, they had buckled in the kids and had their foot on the gas. Given that the car was an older model and children were present, you would have to reprimand them at times for their reckless driving. You couldn’t stay all that mad since you had managed to reach your destination in one piece. 

From inside the car, you could see not many people or not any people at all were at the park. It was a school night and if people would’ve come to this park it would’ve been earlier since it was an early release day for all the elementary in the district. The kids didn’t have an issue with that. Claiming that there were more things to do and no playground showdowns. 

You had been prepared to play with the kids. You had not been prepared to play with the kids with heels on. Even with the feeling of blisters forming on your feet, you didn’t let it affect the quality time you wanted to have with your kids. Well, for a little bit, it didn’t.

“You guys are so fast.” You panted, gripping your knees to catch your breath while staring at the bark at your feet. It happened to go on deaf ears because when you went to look at them they were already playing on the monkey bars. 

Feeling a tap on your shoulder, you see a smug Hange holding out water with Amos clutching onto their hand attempting to stand by himself.

”I know those heels are killing you. Go sit on the bench. I’ll keep them company.” They suggested as they pointed to an unoccupied bench nearby. Grabbing the water you chug it down and breathe out a sigh of contentment while tossing the bottle into a nearby bin.

“I’m fine. I can manage.” You tried to reassure them but just so happened to prove their point by walking away with a stutter in your step. 

“I’m fine, my ass.” You heard them mutter out. Reaching your defeated figure, they spun you away from them and towards the bench. You shrug your coat off and allow it to shelter your legs from the breeze as you sit. Pulling out your phone from your coat pocket to check the time you notice that it was nearing six. 

Being left alone to your own devices, the overwhelming feeling of nausea overtook your senses. You were going to see your past in less than an hour. Never in a million years would you think of returning to Shiganshina. Much less reunite with any of your old friends.

To those that care, nothing dramatic caused this situation to be of this caliber. There was no “Big Fight”, no sides were being chosen after your break up with Eren, and there was ultimately nothing. On their ends, at the very most.

The one culpable was you. 

Eighteen-year-old, searching for independence and a new life, you. The consequences of your actions. You had brought this upon yourself. Cutting them all off in preparation for your new life and not having attachments to the past. The subpar decent thing you had done was invite them to your wedding.

Were they going to treat you the same? Were they going to treat this as an intervention? Do all of them know you’re coming?

More importantly, what would be your response to any of it?

Looking up ahead, you permit your thoughts to die out. Lifting your phone in landscape mode, you start recording the scene in front of you. The screen displayed a stressed-out Hange alternating between pushing each kid on the swings. Wanting each individual to shine, you would zoom in periodically on a specific person. You could only hope that the audio could catch their dialogue. —  “ Higher!” “I’m trying here!” “Try harder!” “Any higher and you’re reaching heaven, kid!”

A ghost of a smile weaseled its way onto your face. You liked capturing every moment you could of your life. That's how you knew a photography career would suit you well. Something about being the one responsible for capturing memories, being put in a spot where you need to capture the perfect moment, excites you. Sticking to being a wallflower instead of the centerpiece was comforting. You didn’t need to meet expectations and could do your sort of thing.

From afar you hear a voice, one that speaks your name with wonder. Too faint to be caught on camera but loud enough to be caught by your ear. The usage of your name aside, it was the voice that rendered you in a short-lived shock.

Raising your head in the enigmas direction, you’re met with nothing but a couple of fallen leaves swirling away with the wind. 

“Whatcha looking for?” Hange asked, scanning the baron park along with you. Judging by their worn-out faces and rumbling stomachs, you knew they were ready to leave. 

Not wanting to worry them, you shake your head, “Nothing, I just thought I heard something.”

“Insomnia must be hitting ya. It was most likely just the wind. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” 

“I guess you’re right.” You reason, lifting yourself off the bench with your coat draping over your forearm.  A tug on your dress causes your eyes to travel down to see Ace. He must’ve caught on to your worrisome countenance.

“I’m here, mama. You don’t need to worry. I’ll protect all of us.” He spoke with resolve. Thinking that was the end of his declaration, you were ready to thank him for his thoughtfulness. He caught you off guard when he spoke yet again. 

“Just like Papa always does!”

That would make it the second time today you were on the brink of releasing a monsoon at your child's words. As if they had agreed upon reducing your mind to mush and letting the only solid aspect remain to be nostalgia and longing.

They say kids mimic their parents and adapt to their mannerisms. That belief would seem to apply to your children making everything about Levi. To an extent, that was true. Beyond that, They were kids in denial. Kids who loved their dad and made sure everyone knew. Kids who held onto their father's existence with desperation like their mom. 

“Just like your papa does.” You affectionately recite back in a soft voice, you lean down and let him kiss your cheek. Searching farther ahead, you can see that everyone else was nearing the car. “Come on, if we aren’t fast enough they’ll leave us behind. Means there will be no delicious food for us.”

A downfall of being a wallflower was while being in your world, you sometimes fail your duty as a wallflower. You had caught the eye of a man entering the park. He intended to defuse any tension or stress he had accumulated throughout the workday. A cigarette between his lips, a doctor's coat that you would think would hide his body only enhanced it, and tousled brunette hair. He looked like he needed this escape. 

Little did you know you had just tarnished any hope of him doing so with your presence alone.

At first, he believed the nicotine was fogging up his head and the added stress further worsened his cognitive thinking skills. He thought you were a phantom. In a way, that remained to be his general thoughts on the situation since the you that was a few feet away from him differed from the you from a decade ago. You were no longer a flower bud that had a crowd of spectators anticipating which kind of flower you’d bloom into. Matter of fact, it was hard to even place the title of Wallflower on you because you were far from it. 

A nurtured wallflower turned the centerpiece of a pleasing bouquet.

He had observed how your fingers would pinch into your phone screen, your hands tilting occasionally to capture different angles, and making the conscious decision to not acknowledge the eye-piercing piece of jewelry on your ringer finger.  He ignored it with such confidence that his legs began to walk towards you out of their own accord. Painting this to be a predestined reunion of sorts. The nicotine was surely causing his senses to malfunction. That’s what he deduced it to be.

Along with his other delusional assumptions, he had avoided labeling the children on the playground to be of personal importance. He had written them off as kids you were babysitting and the adult holding the baby to be a friend you had roped into helping – the only assumption he unknowingly had gotten right. Even when he saw the way the kids jumped into your arms. Even when he could see the resemblances between the kids and you. Even when he could audibly hear them call you their mom. He still stuck to his assumptions but with a faltered credence.

Whenever he had whispered your name – primarily for his clarification — it was never his intention for you to hear it. He didn’t realize he was just a foot away from you and that anything he said now was within earshot of you. 

He observed as your content guise was stripped from your face. How the guise had morphed into distress. His jaded eyes trailed over your face, checking out every single maturity it had developed over the years. They stopped on your lips when he saw them move and made note of them before he hid.

The “predestined” reunion he believed he was ready for was stopped out of his own accord. He had good intuition for halting it when he did because it certainly was not the time. He was just impatient. 

Overhearing you deem his mistake for the wind, he sighed out of relief. He and everyone else took your words to be truthful. Deciding to call it a day after making sure you were far enough away to not see him, he left. 

Entirely unaware that even if he had spoken it in the softest of tones, you knew his voice. The voice had a familiar feeling to it but with the monotone undertones and a gruff emphasis being foreign to you, the possibility of you being wrong was there. 

Nevertheless, you become restless when you don’t receive definitive answers. That’s how you witnessed his figure depart from behind the tree. How even staring solely at his fleeting back, you noticed his change in appearance. His brown hair had grown significantly in comparison to what he was working with in high school, now styled in a bun similar to Hange’s. His previous short and lanky physique was taken over by a six-foot stature and a pure muscle frame.

Eren Yeager had been here. 

Whether you were okay with that or not, you didn’t know. 

Whether that would be the last you’d see of him, you were reluctant to admit but were aware that this interaction would delve further than unbeknownst stares. 

Magnum Opus| Masterlist

summary:  returning back to your hometown, Paradis,with your children after the loss of your husband you are met with your first love and first heartbreak, Eren Yeager.

tags: childhood friends to lovers to exes to ?, parenthood, character death, character death is levi, angst, fluff, eventual smut, substance abuse, grief/mourning, MIKASA SLANDER IS NOT TOLERATED, aged up (26-30 yr olds), mentions of abortions, reader is hardheaded, eren is an asshole.

chapters:

one: back to paradis - 5.5.23

two: phantom reunions - 5.7.23

Magnum Opus | back to paradis

characters: ex! Eren x reader, husband! Levi x reader

summary:  returning back to your hometown, Paradis, with your children after the loss of your husband you are met with your first love and first heartbreak, Eren Yeager.

tags: character death, character death is Levi, grief/mourning, parenthood, aged up (26-30 yr olds), slow burn, childhood friends to lovers to exes to ?, first love, emotional infidelity, friendship breakups, angst, fluff, eventual smut, mention of abortion (not reader), problematic family

next part

someone’s 𝐌𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐮𝐦 𝐎𝐩𝐮𝐬 is their most important piece of art or literature. Consider this mine. Consider this ours.

signed, anon

Unwarranted thoughts eroded your mental plane as you watched your youngest child, Amos, grow entranced by the robotic blue cat on a used television you had come across at a garage sale a few days prior. The high chair he was sitting on was a hand-me-down from your oldest child, who was currently at school. To be a kid, unaware of life’s tribulations was a dream that was once lived to the fullest extent. 

You sighed at your mind whilst you drank your companion, decaf coffee. It had only adapted to be such in recent months, feeling the constant need to be awake for longer periods. It was alarming to know how many cups you could go through to sustain yourself. Coffee filters compiling on your kitchen counter, but with no real motivation to throw them away, they just stayed.

Having returned to the city of your adolescence now as a full-fledged adult felt oddly unsettling. Moving back to the state of Paradis was the last place you had ever thought of setting foot in again after purposely leaving it all those years ago. Though the reasoning behind that decision is convoluted into a plethora, the paramount was freedom. Having resided there for so long, you had seen it all, had experienced all there was to experience. It was tiring to repeat the same routine. That and other reasons will unravel as time passes. 

A new beginning was what your family needed and you were going to provide that no matter how much discomfort would follow. 

With your homecoming, word spread quickly throughout the 2014 Paradis High alumni forums. Many who graduated in that year had left for college and stayed in their college towns while others pursued their education elsewhere and returned. Your friend group at the time reigned from the latter. 

Sasha: 

Have you thought about it?

[sent 7:15 am]

You are grateful that you had turned off your read receipts for your messages because as soon as you read the message you made no effort in responding. They had been contacting you for a few days now via text messages and for a while, you responded. To keep the peace between you all but whenever the idea of hanging out was introduced into the conversation you’d weasel your way out. 

It was not because of a personal grudge you held against any of your old friends, on the contrary, you missed them dearly. However, times have changed and you all are not the same people you used to be. New beginnings are allowed to occur even if you return to the same place. That’s what you convinced yourself to believe. 

Refocusing your attention on the kid show — which had become a guilty pleasure to watch — you that had failed to acknowledge your front door open. 

“I have returned!” A voice rang throughout the hallway leading into the living room. Even if they hadn’t spoken, knowing them for as long as you have, simply the way they had opened the door or the sound of their footsteps would’ve been a key identifier. 

“With decaf coffee as promised! I know, I know! Some may say the best godparent ever!” The entity announced, stepping foot into the living room, completely disregarding that no one was regarding their presence.

After a few moments of silence, with only the tv providing additional noise, they attempted to garner their attention.

“Hello?” They elongated their greeting, waving their free hand frantically to attract some attention but to no avail. They were being bested by a blue robotic cat. Not a first-time occurrence for them but the streak was seriously tarnishing their self-esteem.

Of course, you knew that they were there but watching them glare at the tv screen with such hatred was amusing. These days are hard to find in your life. Walking up to them, you down the coffee you had made for yourself before taking the cup of coffee they had bought for you from their hand and patting them on the shoulder showing your gratitude. Pulling out a seat for yourself at the kitchen table as well as one for them, cueing them to mimic your movements.

Hange Zoe, is a well-known figure in the archeology world, not only for their historical discoveries but for their eccentric personality that you truly will not find anywhere else. An abnormal entity is how you’d describe them, for lack of a better word. Meeting in college through mutual friends and leaving a longstanding impression on one another, it was difficult not to grow together as family friends and the Godparent to all three of your children. They provided your small family with all they needed and have been a huge help in the last couple of months. However, their persistence though it’s commendable can be exasperating at times.

They wanted to reprimand you for not only ignoring them but your coffee intake which was the only fuel you ran on. You looked to be a decaying carcass that was fighting for life. Under eye bags growing darker, your face growing slimmer, and the clothes you wore growing duller. Times, when life seemed to be present within you, were when you were surrounded by your children; with your family. 

“So how was the drive?” You asked as you took a sip from the new coffee cup you had attained. “Anything interesting happen?”

“It was nice. They seem excited about the new school. Ace kept rambling about how he was going to be popular because he does Karate and that automatically makes him popular.” They recount as they lean back into the chair, mimicking a karate chop. “And you know Iris, she can’t let him get an ego before tearing that boy into shreds.” 

Yes, you were a mother of three. A set of six-year-old fraternal twins, Ace — one, unity and Iris — rainbow. With now the addition of your one-year-old son, Amos— to carry. Their names are all derived from foreign words as your late husband was very well-versed and interested in linguistics. To many, three kids seem like a nightmare — at first, it did to you too, but when you got to hold them close to your chest and meet them those worries faded. 

You had children reasonably young with only being 20 when you had the twins. Having your first child at 26 was a socially acceptable age to become a parent– in terms of what others have told you. Using one’s imagination, you could simply picture the terror in your parent's eyes when their then 20-year-old daughter let them know she was pregnant with a set of twins. The scene they played out in your college apartment that night was on par with Shakespeare's plays on dramatics. Even more when they realized that Levi was the one who had knocked you up – ”You let a fuck up like him get you pregnant!” or “You’re aborting them!” or “Those things will not be considered our grandchildren!”

They had apologized relentlessly for how they acted in the past but a part of you was aware that it felt disingenuous. An added reason to the reluctance to move.

Moving back to your hometown, Hange knew your mental state would falter harder than it ever was before. Hearing your children adjusting well to the move warmed your heart and alleviated your worrisome thoughts.

“I’m glad to hear they are adjusting well to the move.” Glancing at the cup you were holding, the ring on your finger was possibly the only luminous thing you did these days. “I wish he was here to see it.”

“Do you think he…” You randomly blurted out but decided to hold back the rest of the words, not wanting to believe what you were saying. The chords that unambiguously wanted to recite the score you had given to them were left with a hand that grazed them but weren’t prepared to perform. A case of stage fright. 

Their eyes narrowed at the piece of jewelry, reminiscing about the person who had given it to them. Enveloping their hands on top of yours, they rubbed your accessorized finger. 

“He would be proud of you guys.”

You remained silent for a moment. Their words were nice for reassurance but you already knew that. You simply wanted to bring him up to remember his existence — the impact he held over your life. Though he was certainly never the type to wear his heart on display, he did for you. That was your late husband, a warmed-hearted individual who was misunderstood by the majority. That was your husband Levi Ackerman. 

Your boyfriend of 8 years, your husband for 4, and the father of your 3 children passed away 5 months ago due to heart disease. His death was unexpected with one day receiving a heart-wrenching phone call informing you of his passing. No time for preparation, no warning signs, no hints - nothing. He left without a word. He said nothing. That’s what hurt most. 

The habit of making him the topic of discussion was rather unknown to you. It was natural for you to do it. Not in the same way that teenage girls would when allowed to talk about the boy they liked. Yours held an innocence that was endearing to witness for those around you. Even so, it had been exactly five months since your husband had left you and no form of help seemed to ease the sorrow. Ignoring that he no longer was there for you spiritually alleviated the sorrow, slightly.

“I wasn’t questioning that because I know him. He was always our biggest supporter. I just wanted to know…” You paused, trying to form words from all the jumbled letters compiling in your head. You were always good at articulating your thoughts. You were a gem when it came to those matters of the mind. With the newborn insomnia you had acquired, you were left a bit unrefined in your usual area of expertise. That and you weren’t prepared to ask the question.

Shaking your head, you remove your hands from theirs. “Nevermind. It seems like I can’t remember what I wanted to say. Let’s talk about something else.”

The eye-patched individual dared open their mouth to maintain the topic but your attention had already gone elsewhere. 

“Oh, I just remembered! The kids should be getting out early today. I can show them around town!” You eagerly exclaimed to your eye-patched friend, who wanted to confront you on the somewhat lie you had pulled. “I think they’ll like that.”

Taking the kids out was genuine, you had been talking to them about a good day to do it for a while. They could pry you all they wanted but you were too stubborn to open up so they chose to ignore it, for now. It was proven useless to unpackage your emotions in their years of being acquainted with you. You procrastinated til the last minute, waiting for all the convoluted issues you have stored away to ambush you at your worst because you believed that’s what you deserved. How far you strayed from the truth.

That’s why the tag along in your subject changes. “That’s a great idea! You can show them all the places you used to go to when you were their age!” 

Like stated before you had recently returned to your hometown, never in the ten years that you were away had you come down to visit. Your parents would usually make the drive to Liberio to visit. They never seemed to complain about it either, probably because it was an excuse to travel out of state. Never did they feel bothered by your lack of visitation over the years, they knew your reasonings and respected them. However, they would make comments about your kids possibly becoming snobs with the high exposure to city living. They weren’t used to the small city. This is exactly what Shiganshina used to be, only within the last year had it begun to make a name for itself with the grand opening of a hospital founded by a local family that you couldn’t remember the name of. 

As a kid, you would be found playing with your friends – such as the previously mentioned Sasha – at the park and creating fantasies on whims. Whether it was action, romance, or horror, it would be fun regardless. Every single fond memory of your childhood had been at that park. Though you wouldn’t admit it, you were happy that you would be able to share that with your children. The city park was the local hotspot for kids. You hoped that the same could be said 20 years later which you made sure to mention to your friend.

“Give yourself credit! You were plenty of fun in college so what’s to say you weren’t an equally as fun kid?” They point out as they scroll through their phone trying to find fun activities to do throughout the day. “Heard through the grapevine that you were really into keg stands.”

“That grapevine of yours might be a little tangled. I can’t recall ever doing such a thing.” You feign innocence, resting your head on your fist.

“The grapevine is very reliable when he is blackout drunk.”

“So it’s Erwin?” They choked on their drink at the name drop, patting their chest to regain composure. 

You smile, recalling the times your friends would force you out of your comfort zone. In college, you were known as the wild card. Many were unaware of the type of person you were since you were so introverted in your classes and so extroverted in social environments. People deduced it was due to caring for your grades but to others, it was very well a mystery.

“Ma! Ma!” You heard your child whine. Turning around you noticed the show had ended, which meant his attention was now fully set on you. 

“Coming!” 

You walk towards your child whose hands are already trying to grasp your shirt. Lifting him in your arms, you pat his back. “Looks like no more Doraemon for today. You’ll just have to wait until he comes to visit tomorrow.“

The child whined at your words, pouting his tiny mouth trying to go for an expression of anger but with pursing his lips the way he was a little saliva bubble made an appearance. He didn’t notice it though as he was trying to maintain his expression with maximum efficiency. His gray eyes weren’t trained on your face but on your arms which was good or else he would’ve taken offense to the benign smile traced on your lips. Even when his eyes found yours and began to pat your face harshly to wipe that expression off your face— felt like a marshmallow was being repeatedly thrown at you. All you could do was let out a heartful laugh before reaching for the small hands that were “harming” your face with one of your own, lowering them to his body. 

Another cute expression dawned on his face, a look of confusion — looked more like he was about to poop himself. The child was not prepared for your form of retaliation. As yours was by far way worse than his. Attacking the child’s face with kisses as he giggled, seemingly forgetting that he was supposed to be mad. 

Dealing one last peck on his forehead, you muzzle him closer to your body as you begin to dote on the child. “How can such an angry face still look so darn cute.” You cooed into him.

How could you ever not adore Levi when he gifted you the greatest gifts in the world; his love and your children? The greatest gifts you could ever wish to receive. If you could be greedy, you would’ve wanted him to be here. Wrapping his calloused hands around your waist, placing his warm lips onto your head, he would rock the both of you back and forth to not only calm yourselves but your child. Your other children would get jealous at this point and each individually wraps their tiny arms around either one of your legs as they’d giggle at the momentum.

Unconsciously, you had fluttered your eyes closed to envision the scene that used to be acted out without the need for a cut or a take two. You never repeated it to get it right because it always was. You repeated it for the sake of sharing moments. The author simply enjoyed how serenity was a person – a family. That family was yours, once.

Feeling a substance drip from your eyes, you were crying. You couldn’t commit yourself to the full sob as you made sure to discard the sole tear before it could make a crash landing. 

Glancing down at the child in your arms, you take into account how his eyes were drifting off into their fantasyland as you momentarily had to. 

Turning towards Hange, you let out a sigh of relief to see them so immersed in their phone looking at fun attraction sites to pay attention to you. With a gentle raise of your arms to show them the resting child, you call out loud enough for them to hear but quiet enough for the child to remain asleep. “Our little buddy here is dozing off so I’m going to put him in his crib. While I do that, you can start picking up some of the laundry or toys that you can find on the floor.”

“Using me again? I’m going to have to start charging you for my services, ya know?” They jokingly jabbed, which roused a humorous sound out of you. As you were rounding the corner towards the hallway, a vibration caught Hange’s attention. It was a message coming from your phone. They could’ve just ignored it and done the task they were asked to do but their curiosity got the best of them.

Sasha:

We’re meeting up at Perko’s at 6:30

It would be cool if you made it.

Bring your kids too! We’d love to meet them!

[sent at 8:12 am]

 The name was immediately recognizable to Hange. Not only having met her at your wedding in passing, but Hange had also heard that name a multitude of times. With the number of times, you’d talk about your childhood friends, it was fairly easy to memorize all their names and their significance to you. If their memory served them correctly, Sasha was your best friend for a large portion of your adolescent years. You described your relationship with them once in such a wholesome form; platonic soulmates.

Checking the messages being sent, they noticed you had never responded. They furrowed their brunette brows at the revelation. Why were you ignoring them? It was understandable that with how hectic your life is at the moment to not want to attend but the blatant disregard to not giving them a courtesy response was off-putting. Preserving friendships was a high priority in your life but why were you against preserving your childhood friends?

Their fingers had a mind of their own, typing away into that device of yours. 

 _____

Of course! See you there!

Miss you guys too.

[sent at 8:14 am]

 Hearing a door open was their cue to press send and place the item back where it belonged. Picking up a laundry basket that was nearby they scurried to place any miscellaneous out-of-place items into their basket. To somewhat combat the gnawing guilt they felt for putting you in a situation you were avoiding, they decided to subtly integrate it into the conversation.

“Have any of your high school friends reached out to you? From what your parents said you have been the talk of the city.” They mindlessly spoke trying to paint the narrative of this impromptu conversation.

“In my defense, the city isn’t that big.” You jest, tracing the diameters of the city using your hands. “I would be offended if I wasn’t.”

A jokester you were deflecting the question in a less than obvious way. Not hearing any laughter, you deducted that this conversation wouldn’t be casual. 

“A few have but that’s about it.” You reveal with the accompaniment of a sigh. “I don’t see a point in hanging out when we all have our own separate lives.”

“But what if they want to catch up? You know for the sake of it?” They countered, attempting to match your speed.

“I’m sure they are too busy in their own lives to have time to meet up. We aren’t teenagers anymore.” You remind them as you begin to walk ahead of them.

“Hypothetically…say they did have time to meet up?… Would you go then?” They inquire, silently praying that whatever you answered could be positive. Unfortunately for them, the drop of your shoulders and the lack of movement coming from you were enough to depict a picture of your response. At least, that’s what they surmised.

A familiar ringtone faintly sounded throughout the house which earned a raised eyebrow from you and a panicked expression from Hange. Reaching the destination of your phone and seeing yet another notification from Sasha.

Sasha:

Can’t wait!

[sent at 8:22 am]

Your eyes widened in disbelief at the text and the ones above it, trying to process the situation your dear friend had forced you into. A flash of memories swarm their way to the forefront of your mind; all the good and the bad and all the reasons why you were against meeting any of them again.  Clicking your phone off, you leave it placed in your palm, bouncing it a bit as you pivot your feet in their direction with your gaze still on the device in your hand.

“I’m going to ask you a question Hange and I want you to be honest. You wouldn’t have been going through my texts, right?” Your tone was condescending as you spoke. They knew you knew and were now unaware of their choice in how to handle the situation. Perhaps if they pretended to be clueless, you'd be less harsh.

“Well not necessarily…” They attempted to defend themselves but backtracked on their plan once they witnessed the expression that was bestowed upon them; furrowed brows, a crease developing on the bridge of their nose, attenuated eyes, folded arms over their chest, and your figure leaning on the archway dividing your living room and kitchen. 

They knew then that any form of lying would be proven useless. “It was by accident! Your phone was on the counter and I saw a message from Sasha. I got curious and one thing led to another…”

“Hange.” You push expectantly. They feel themselves shrink at your tone, averting eye contact from your menacing gaze in preparation to confess.

“Let’s just say, you have a reunion to go to tonight at 6:30…” They responded sheepishly while doing jazz hands motions. “Surprise…?”

Smacking them over their arm with a nearby throw pillow as you fume exciting the living room, “Over my dead body! What the hell were you thinking, Hange!”

They yank your “weapon” from your hands – swiftly placing it back among the other pillows on your couch – trying to catch up to your retreating form.  “I thought it was something you’d want!” 

“If I didn’t respond it wasn’t! I spent the better half of a decade ignoring them and now you want to just pop up out of nowhere for a fucking reunion!” You tried your best to not raise your voice, for the sake of your child's sleep schedule, but with the situation, it was proving to be rather difficult. 

Visibly disappointed by your response they kept on being persistent with their questions, throwing out every hypothetical situation there was known to man. All of which you turned down.

“I’ll take Ace to Karate practice for the rest of the week!” 

“Yeah right, you’re so squeamish you wouldn’t be able to handle the puking.” You remind them, watching them deflate at the memory of Ace’s first match where they had to be escorted out of the dojo on a stretcher because they passed out mid-match after seeing a kid barf out his entire lunch in front of them. 

“I’d take care of the kids! I bet they have been waiting to hang out with their favorite godparent!” They boasted about themselves, ignoring the pitiful look sketched on your face. 

After a while of listening, your anger diminished to something similar to amusement. It wasn’t as if the meet-up was going to be a regular occurrence so there couldn’t be much harm in attending. Nevertheless, you were a petty woman, and pretending to remain impassive was entertaining. You listened to their tangents as to why you should go, picking up anything that needed to be picked up off the floor. You’d muse about them for a few moments as it was entertaining to see how dedicated to their cause they were.

“Word on the street says it’s Erwin.” You retaliate as you waved a Ninjago action figure in the air that was bought by said man a few birthdays ago.

Gasping at the comment, they snatch the figure from your hands and shove it into their basket. “He hardly ever visits! How can that even be true!”

“Exactly.”

“I have a right to them! I helped bless them into the world of spirituality! Those kids are going to heaven because of me!” Your eye-patched friend pleaded as they assisted you in carrying a basket of laundry, dodging incoming miscellaneous items that coveted your house. The clutter matches your mental state. The perimeter of the boxes was littered with toys that should’ve been in their respective locations. 

“With you being the Godparent? They received an early access ticket to hell with courtesy of satan written on the back.” You mocked the delusional brunette. Rounding the corner of your house, you sighed picking up the scattered clothing items your children had graciously left for you, dumping them into the laundry basket they were holding.  

“Rude!” They huffed. They followed in your steps, picking up clothes before you could, causing you to roll your eyes at their antics. “Come on! It will be good for you! Out of the house, stress-free, and kid-free! Experiencing your wondrous childhood town now as an adult! Sounds like a breath of fresh air. I am extremely reliable so you wouldn’t have to worry your pretty head about a thing!” 

They ascertained a little too confidently as they failed to take notice of an incoming box which in turn toppled them over, spilling out all the contents in the laundry basket and box onto the floor. 

Masking your laugh with your palm, you shake your head watching as they attempt to push themselves back to stability. Situations like these make it hard to stay annoyed with them for long. Deciding to continue on your facade, you ignore them jumping over their fallen body to reach the entrance of your study.

It was the only unruly part of your household. It was secluded away from all the other parts of the house and with the odd placement of the door, it could easily be confused as a closet. Opening it you were greeted with an oak sectional desk that was chipping away, an outdated computer from your college days, framed pictures of loved ones decorating a matching bookcase, and a tower of folded down boxes that have yet to be thrown out. It was a plain room that most likely will never be renovated. 

“Come on, you never get to do nice things for yourself! I bet you miss those old friends of yours.” They tried to reason as they finally entered the room with the basket in tow.

 “Is it because of him?” They spoke in a hushed voice as if the subject was so taboo it might cause an uproar.

The elusive “him” in question was your ex-boyfriend from high school. The golden boy of Shiganshina, Eren Yeager. The first guy you fell in love with. The first guy to break your heart. Having met him at age 4 at a park when you had pushed him off a slide for hogging it for too long. Some may say that it was a toxic way to begin a friendship but it worked for the dysfunctional duo. Of course, you fell for him first. Hard not to when you were stuck with him for 10 years. It seemed like it was just as easy to fall out of love when Levi came into your life. It was easier for him too as he fell out of love with you first. Confessing to you following your high school graduation that he had been in love with another girl the entire time. 

You scoffed at their question, “I could care less about if he is there or not. I moved on and he certainly did before me.”

“But what he did was pretty messed up. It took you months to even give Levi a chance.” They recalled, wincing at the memories of said point and time in which you joined them. “Poor man would come to Erwin and me for advice. That was peak desperation.”

“Don’t remind me. You’re lucky I liked him enough at the time to put up with the shitty advice y’all gave him.”

“I thought it was pretty good…”

“No wonder you guys were single for so long.” You mumbled, not entirely opposed to them hearing your comment which they certainly did.

“May have been single but never in an empty bed. That’s how I got Moblit.” They countered, which results in you giving them an eye roll. 

“How…romantic.” You riposte, now their turn to return the gesture. 

Taking a cautious gaze towards your figure, they ask again for reassurance.“So this isn’t about the guy?”

“Look at it like this, Hange. Even if he and I wouldn't have broken up after graduation, the outcome would’ve been the same. I would’ve still met Levi and fallen in love with him. He would’ve still pursued the other girl.” You explained with a shrug. “No use crying over a decade-old spilled milk.”

“I guess you’re right but that still doesn’t explain why you don’t want to see them at all. Don’t you miss them?”

“I appreciate it, truly I do, but it isn’t about missing them or not. I want to spend time with my kids. With all that has been going on and now that I’m going to start my new job, spending quality time with them as a family won’t happen as often.” You reveal with a crestfallen expression. “I’d like to cherish these moments while I can.” 

The last set of words fed into the guilt that Hange had already felt. In the months leading up to Levi’s passing, your job had been sending you off on business trips frequently resulting in less time being spent together. Arguments manifested due to this and when you had finally decided to put aside your pride, it had already been too late. You were begging forgiveness to his casket instead of to his face.

“Now I feel horrible!” The brunette bit their lip, allowing you to see the remorseful expression that had washed up on their face. They groaned at your words, enveloping their face with their hands, and they mumbled into their palms. “I hate how selfless you can be, being a mother is basically in the cards for you.”

“If that’s so, I don’t plan on shuffling the deck.” You quip, earning another groan at your lame attempt at a joke – obviously, you laughed at it.

Their eyes narrowed as they playfully criticized you. “Ha-ha, just because you’re a milf doesn’t excuse you from making lame mom jokes.”

“The local dilfs would like to disagree, they eat that shit up. Comes in handy when I want discounts at Home Depot.” You cheekily mention, taking pride in your seductions that had recently come in handy.

Their jaw dropped as if what you said was treachery. “You skank! I always wondered how you managed to bag that lawnmower for $180 instead of $250! You just said it was on sale!” 

“Just one of my many talents.” You joke with a wink. “Besides there was no way in hell I was going to pay full price for a fucking machine I was hardly ever gonna use.”

Becoming newly widowed, you had to fend for yourself. You were so accustomed to having two forms of income flowing in your home that you had forgotten the essential skill that was budgeting. Not to say you were a wealthy family but you had enough to live comfortably. Now being the sole financial provider in the family, tactics such as the example used above came in handy. 

“So are we going?” They ask wearily, not knowing whether or not you have warmed up to the idea or not.

Leaning your head into your chair, you stared at the ceiling idly, twirling a pen you had found on your desk before giving your final verdict on their question, “They have good food there and I used to go there all the time so I guess we’d be knocking out two birds with one stone. We could probably go to the park beforehand to tire them out and I could use that as an excuse to leave early.”

They practically leaped out of their chair at your words, wrapping their arms around your frame and you returned the gesture rather awkwardly at the way they reacted to your answer. They still felt guilty as hell but when you said those words. The guilt was momentarily lifted, allowing them a breath of success. The other details could unravel themselves at another time. For now, they’ll see where the day takes them.

Retracting themselves from the embrace, they begin to head out of the room “Great! I’ll start getting Amos ready!”

“But they don’t get out for another 4 hours. He’s asleep too-“ The sounds of your child’s wails cut you off. They smile victoriously at the sound watching you furrow your brows as you point a judgmental finger at them. “Fine but don’t put him in something stupid.”

Taking faux offense at your warning, they raise a hand to their chest. “I would never! I am a person of taste!”

“If the taste is dressing my child like the pope, may Christ banish thee to hell.” You retort back, pointing to a framed picture on your wall, revealing a rather disturbing picture. It was Hange dressed in nun garb while holding a then 10-month-old Amos dressed as said religious figure in front of your old house in Marley. Your other kids were included in the picture too, your oldest son was dressed as Ace from One Piece — “he has my name mama!” and your daughter was dressed as Wednesday Adams from the Adams Family— “She’s goth. she’s cool.”

“It was Halloween! We looked cute! He looked happy!” They defended, pride burst through them witnessing the framed picture for the first time in a while.

You were beginning to doubt that you were looking at the same picture because it did not take that long to realize that child was in hysterics. Eyeing your friend weirdly as you voiced your concern. “You made my kid cosplay as the pope. How does a bald man in a gown equal a cute and fun baby costume?”

“You framed it! Must mean you think the same way!”

“It means jack-shit. Why do you think it’s in my office and not the living room?”

“To keep it for your eyes only. Very selfish if you ask me. I asked for a copy and you cursed me out.” They huffed in disappointment. 

“More like I’m taking one for the team keeping it in my office.” You snarl while looking at the individual. They ignored your comment, too caught up in their world to realize you calling their name. It took an elevated voice, a wave in the face, and blocking the picture with your body to garner their attention.

“Hmm?”

“Get the fuck out of my office.”

“Can I at least take-“

“Out!”