Original Art Sale! (Myth Loki Edition)

Original Art Sale! (Myth Loki edition)

Howdy, all! I’m selling some original myth Loki pieces to help pay for my medical bills! Prices do have some wiggle room and they’re numbered, so if you’re interested, shoot me a message with the number you’d like!

Men Don't Work Like That: 10 Things M/M Writers Are Doing Wrong

A lot of ero writers these days are young, and therefore virgins.  It’s difficult to write about something you don’t have personal experience with (that’s why none of my characters are smokers, for example).  As such, a lot of the same errors keep cropping up in a lot of m/m fic, transcending fandoms, and all across the world.  So, for your information, here is something you may find helpful:

Ten Facts about Anal Sex and Penises, Presented by a Dude Who Has Had Sex:

Before you write, research your setting and learn medical facts about the demographic.  For example: 70% of men in the US are circumcised, regardless of religion.  And getting cut doesn’t leave a scar; it just creates something called a flayed discoloration.  This would not be anything fascinating to an American man because it’s the norm.  If anything, they would be fascinated by an uncut one.  Most American men have never seen a foreskin.

Men do not require lubricant to jack off, even if they are circumcised.  Dry masturbation is not painful.  The purpose of lotion is to simulate a vagina, not to alleviate pain.  This is because the skin is not being rubbed; it is being pushed.  Try to jack off your arm and apply just enough pressure to slide the skin over the muscle, and note how it doesn’t hurt at all.

Men get boners ridiculously fast and for absolutely no reason.  It may seem like a sexist exaggeration that simply looking at a boob would make a dude pop a boner, or that wearing dress slacks would do it, but it’s not.  The story about sporting a surprise spear in math class is so true, men can’t even find it funny.  Think of it as the male equivalent of getting your period in class; it’s that real and possible.  So stop writing men taking forever to get hard, or getting embarrassed when they get hard quickly.  They grew up with their hyperactive genitalia, they’re used to it, they don’t care.

Do not confuse a chubby with a half-hard dick.  A chubby looks flaccid, but is swollen; it is a dick on the path to getting hard, and this is a transitory state in constant motion.  Chubbies do not leak precum; halfies do.  A “half-hard dick” is kind of a misnomer, because it has fully erected, but is not on the edge of ejaculating.  It does not look half-hard; they are not floppy.  Stop confusing these states of bonerism.

The size of a flaccid dick has nothing to do with its size when erect.  Some are like Slinkies: one moment it fits in a Pez dispenser; the next you can stretch it down the block.  Others are the same size whether hard or soft.  You cannot tell if a man is a grower or a shower just by looking at a softie.

If a man needs to ejaculate and is denied, the urge doesn’t just slowly ebb away.  The nuts expect to release, and when they don’t, they start screaming.  Orgasm denial is painful.  It’s an ache in the balls similar to getting kicked.  That’s what “blue balls” is.  When a man’s dick is fully hard and leaking precum, he has to ejaculate, or it is going to hurt.  Dudes aren’t like chicks; they can’t fuck some and then stop without release if their partner cums first.

Dudes aren’t like chicks.  Therefore: The ass does not work like the vagina.  The rectum does not produce its own lubricant and will not “get easier” with continued motion; it actually gets drier because the rectal walls absorb lube.  The anus has much higher elasticity than the vagina and snaps back into place almost instantly (you don’t leak farts and butt juice for hours after a poop, do you?).

Many women can fuck straight through an orgasm and cum multiple times in one round.  Men cannot marathon orgasms like that.  When a man ejaculates, he is done and goes flaccid.  In the second round, orgasm takes significantly longer to reach.  Stop writing dudes ejaculating twice in one round of sex.

The Ass Doesn’t Work Like The Vagina Part 2: The rectum is largely devoid of stimulation.  You don’t feel every groove and inch of your poop as it moves, do you?  The stimulation comes from the anus and the prostate, not the rectal walls.  If the sex is bareback, the catcher will almost certainly not feel the ejaculate of the pitcher.  If the pitcher’s dong is really long, it will reach a point where the catcher feels like their entire belly is full of dick, the way you feel bloated when you have a big poop.

You have to be really, really turned on for anal sex to work.  The anus is not one o-ring, but two, spaced about half an inch apart, and the inner o-ring is involuntary; it is always clenched unless you are about to poop (that is why farts make noise).  The only way that inner ring relaxes is if a flux of hormones makes your lower abdominal muscles relax; in other words, you have to be so turned on your ass forgets to stay shut.  This is why undrugged anal rape is so difficult.  Consensual, heat-of-the-moment anal sex is not painful at all.

when sappho said "you may forget but let me tell you this: someone in some future time will think of us". when richard siken said "there are many names in history but none of them are ours". when carol ann duffy said "it matters how everyone dies". when oscar wilde said "i shall be lightning if you dare forget".

Animals, Plants, and Nature

Want me to talk about a certain animal?

Animals

Mammals

Noa-words for wolves, bears, seals

Horse candlesticks

Trollflätor (horses)

Cats

The weasel in Scandinavian folklore

Otters

Squirrels

Rural Swedes had never seen a lion

Rabbits are not a thing in Swedish folklore, basically

Birds

The birds of Oden

Odinsvala (black stork)

Birds in the Eddas

Kites

The cuckoo in Scandinavian folklore

The common snipe in Scandinavian folklore

The woodcock in Scandinavian folklore

Tranafton (celebration)

The crane threads on Scanian soil

The black hen

Less informative post about the black hen

Robins and Tor?

Other animals

Frogs and toads

Spider, frog, ladybug = sacred

The ladybug’s kids are on fire (game)

Plants

Trees decided when my village started the sowing

When the gods still lived inside the trees

Paganism did not disappear

Vårdträd / Sacred Trees 

Vårdträd

Is it a vårdträd?

Vårdträd etymology

Planting a vårdträd is a commitment 

Vårdträd, magic, protection

Vårdträd and ancestors

People made offerings to the trees

The practice of praying under the trees

A follower’s experience with vårdträd

Vårdträd, part 1

Vårdträd, part 2

I don’t think I legitimately can be loud enough about how uncomfortable it is seeing “hail” be used unironically is asatro/norse pagan communities

What hail is okay for: ice rain, you want a weird word to use when talking about flagging down a taxi

Like good intentions or otherwise; in a community plagued by nazis appropriating the religion maybe we shouldn’t use “hail” towards our gods when that word now has some fucking connotations after a certain world war

Promoting frith is basically the polar opposite of enacting undue influence.