Personal - Tumblr Posts
Small personal life update
I think I might be trying to come down with something. I'm not really sure. I've been coughing and having an on and off sore throat, and a fever on and off too. I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday, so hopefully I'll figure out what's going on.
Day 1
I thought why not do the 30 days writing challenge, it’ll be fun so here it is.
day 1 : describe your personality
Actually, I don’t know where to start with this. As a teenage girl who’s currently going through a growing up process, my personality changes a lot. Sometimes I went from 0 to 1000 real quick, which I mean like “I’m a fabulous queen” to “I’m a living failure who has no purpose in life”. It’s nothing too surprising though, I feel like most people can relate to this too. If I have to describe myself, I’m kinda savage and rebellious with my family, can seem cold to strangers, but actually nice with friends and bubbly. I have trust issues and family issues so it usually takes a lot of time to get to know me or for me to warm up to people. I have a positive mindset most of the time and is self-motivated and I’d say I’m pretty good at healing myself. I’m an ambivert, I’d like to stay quite but that doesn’t mean I don’t like participating in conversations or discussions. I like taking the lead in life and everything but I can be a good follower too. I’m also a feminist. I think that’s about it, I’m still changing and nothing really is set in stone. Sometimes, I even give myself a complete makeover ‘cuz I’m bored. So, these are common facts I can think of at the moment, about me.
I wish whoever’s reading a good day and happiness. Spreading love to people.
~Melody~
Day 2
day 2: things that make you happy
It usually doesn’t take much to make a teenager happy. For me, I’m happy when I’m alone around nature or flowers, when I'm reading a good book indoors with a cup of warm coffee while the rain gently pours outside. I love my own company and some little things make me happy. I’m happy when I’m daydreaming and when I’m doing whatever I want. Well, there’s not much I can say I guess.
I hope whoever’s reading this a great day and wishing for your happiness. lots of love from me.
~Melody~
Day 3
day 3: a memory
I had trouble thinking of this one. People tends to remember sad things over others, I do remember sad days far better than good memories. But I'd like to share a crazy memory. It was a year before my high school graduation, I signed myself up for a school play under the “stop human trafficking” champaign. I also signed myself up for the script writer and director. The chaos started there; the people in my class had literally no respect against each other. They rarely followed my instructions as a director, they did everything as they wished. I made a mistake in choosing the main actress and only realised that when she started causing trouble around the group. She had an argument with the main actor, with the setting crew and with literally everyone. It was such a huge mess. Despite the chaos inside our group, we managed to at least get the third prize. I was aiming for the first place with our script but we had to make do with that. Not to mention, I had to rewrite the script countless until the competition day drew near. Seriously, that gave me a lot of headache as the organiser. I've learned my lesson there too. What a crazy experience.
Anyways, I hope whoever’s reading a great day. Sending love to everyone.
~Melody~
day 5
30 days writing challenge
day 5: your parents
This is a sensitive topic; I never really tell people what I’m going through. One, cuz’ I don’t trust them, two, they won’t understand, three, I’m lost myself. My parents and I don’t have a very good relationship, at least from my perspective. Sure, they give me anything I could possibly want but it’s not that simple. In the past, I was stressed, depressed and my insecurities were drowning me. It’ll be unfair to say they’re the cause of those but they’re related to those in many ways. My parents make me feel emotionally drained. I’m not really sure it’s ok to put the blame on them; I mean I know they’re stressed themselves and had anger issues and had no clue on how to raise kids properly. I can’t be in the same place as them, it suffocates me. At least, thanks to them, I’m who I am today; mature for my age, learned to fight insecurities and depression. We all go through many hardships in life, and they shaped you into who you are. Well, I'm proud of who I am actually. And I made a vow to myself that when I get married and have kids in the future, I'll make sure they know they’re loved, and raise them the best of my abilities and not let the history repeat itself.
I hope whoever’s reading a great day, stay safe and loved.
day 6
30 days writing challenge
day 6 : single and happy
“Nobody can love you more than you can love yourself.” I think this is so true. We don’t need someone to feel full and happy. After all, you’re the one responsible for your happiness. Of course, sometimes I feel like I want a girlfriend or a boyfriend, since I'm also a teen and all. Besides that, I do believe what I mentioned above. Plus, my past relationships brought nothing but headaches for me. Well, being single means freedom, less headache, and more time to invest in yourself. Single or in a relationship doesn't’t really matter when you’re happy. I enjoy my own company and my standards are kinda too high. Also, I do believe self love is the best love you can give yourself.
Day 7
30 days writing challenge
day 7 :favourite movie
As I'm an otaku; my first and foremost favourite movie must be Howl’s moving castle. I love that movie very much, I love both the illustrations and storyline. I think it’s a wonderful movie.
Another one has to be spirited away, although I'm not a fan of the female protagonist, I really love the plot and the male protagonist. This also is a wonderful movie, and I love the supernatural genres.
Have a nice day everyone!
~Melody~
Inner child
Whenever I think of breaking the generational trauma or breaking the cycle, it always makes me think of the little girl in me who just wanted to be loved. She wanted, no...needed... her mum, she needed her love. My heart breaks whenever I think of the inner little girl in me who just wanted her parents to love her and be there for her.
More thoughts late at night!
Jesus. Maybe I should make this a series.
Anywho, this one isn't Ao3 or even fandom related, more of just a personal update/rant.
And holy fuck have I been feeling isolated recently.
And this isn't a cry for anyone's pity or attention, I'd be fine if this got 0 notes, I just want it be out there and off my chest.
Does anyone else have that feeling of desperately wanting to talk to people but just feeling... like a waste of their time? And it's sometimes stuff where I don't even have anything good to talk about/ bring up or ask questions about. But I still want to talk to other people I just... don't even know how to bridge the gap.
So now I'm in this catch 22 hell where I do and don't want to talk to people and it just SUCKS.
Well, that's it for tonight. Sorry to rant at anyone who like, came to this blog for fandom stuff, but my blog doesn't have a theme just a majority of posts.
Thanks to anyone who reads this, feels nice to know there's other people out there sometimes.
<3
Thought I'd have a go at this. I've changed so much since I was a kid and it's kinda wild to me. Idk who to tag lmao I'm not keen on tagging randoms so anyone go for it !
Picrew tag game!- Create yourself now vs how you looked when you were a kid
Link
I was tagged by @cutebisexualmess for this but the chain was too long so I'm restarting!
If only that little girl could see me now (she'd probably think I was cool tbh)
uhm tagging: @b3achfagz (ik you dont do tag games so u can just ignore this but i though u might find it cool) @cassiecryptic @viktheviking1 @depressedgremlinbitch @ramencat12 @inkyslimee @the-horrifying-digital-circus @patipati @cute--thing @musicalsiphonophore @tastetherainbow290 @disenchantedwarlock @bookishcatcafe and anyone else who sees this and thinks it looks cool!!
Stray cat
here, eat
a dead mouse
laid at your feet
you didn't ask, but I hunted for you
you looked hungry
I had time
between tissue protected fingertips
you pick it up to take it elsewhere
when you return I'm still here
you pat me on the head
a muttered thanks
an attempt to hide the disgust on your face
an improvement from the ones before
that shoved my face in it
then threw me out
and you still look hungry
Wei Ying had this murky image of a domestic life with a dedicated partner and a little one, hand in hand, warm and loving, all that good stuff, but she told herself that was just an echo of her only memory with her parents. That reality was far, far away, and Wei Ying had more urgent matters now. She always seemed to have more urgent matters. Thankfully, Lan Zhan was always there to keep her steady.
I'm a few chapters in to a fic about wen yuan getting taken into foster care with cisswap wangxian. It's a lot and I don't know how long it will end up, but it's been lovely for processing some of my own experiences with becoming a foster parent. I have so many scenes saved up that I want to get to, just need to stitch them together! (My least favorite part lol.)
Rated M (may change to E, not sure yet).
tw childhood trauma, panic attacks, distressed babies (wwx included), so far just vague allusions to neglect and emotional abuse
Title from Notion by Tash Sultana.
World building is addictive and forever the bane of actually completing an original story, even one that starts simple 😭.
I find myself making a correspondence table... AGAIN!
I've mostly written about Wangxian on this blog, but I thought I should mention that I am all over the place with shipping, fanart, fic, etc. I have a satosugu fic I may never actually write and I recently picked my ShinZawa fic back up. WX hits so many buttons for me, but the fandom that got me back in after years of being off Tumblr, watching anime rapidly again, writing fic and trolling for fanart... is My Hero Academia. I'm a Bakugou stan and I lost my mind over krbk a few years ago. Good times (yes, it was quarantine and we were coping LOL).
Just thought I'd throw that out there in case anyone actually paid attention to my little void space over here, so no one got surprised by the teacher/student content or disparate fandoms that don't really overlap at all. My Twitter is far more NSFW and more active, though I don't write anything there because I've never been able to stay under the character count. 😌
New chapter of Teacher's Pet up. I can't believe this is up to 75k and I'm just starting to get somewhere with the main relationship now. (I also can't believe I picked up writing this fic again after a 4 year break.) I'm having so much fun? What the hell.
It has been very interesting to get into the heads of different characters, their voices, humor, ways of speaking and relating, to write something so indulgent yet also take it seriously. This fic is exceptionally personal to me, really coming from my own teen self (over a decade later)... but through anime characters. Who want to be super heroes. I love the absurdity of it all.
It's been so fun to dive back into MHA again, it is such a different flavor from MDZS. I'll return to my MDZS fics and I still am way more over there than MHA, but it's fun to have them both! I was worried they'd switch off (that weird anxiety of hyperfixations breaking and leaving me bereft of a source of dopamine, ya feel).
And ah, fic engagement is the best.
This fic is now up to 178k on AO3 and I'm up to 225k in the draft. I don't know what has happened to me. It is one of the longest fics in the ShinZawa tag. This resurgence of BNHA brainrot following the end of the manga is WILD. Also seeing the clips of recent episodes with Shinsou 😭. He's so cute 😭. And ugh, his and Aizawa's Japanese VAs kill me. I love that Shinsou sounds 45 and Aizawa is voiced by Junichi Suwabe, my absolute fave. THEY'RE SOOOO---
New chapter of Teacher's Pet up. I can't believe this is up to 75k and I'm just starting to get somewhere with the main relationship now. (I also can't believe I picked up writing this fic again after a 4 year break.) I'm having so much fun? What the hell.
It has been very interesting to get into the heads of different characters, their voices, humor, ways of speaking and relating, to write something so indulgent yet also take it seriously. This fic is exceptionally personal to me, really coming from my own teen self (over a decade later)... but through anime characters. Who want to be super heroes. I love the absurdity of it all.
It's been so fun to dive back into MHA again, it is such a different flavor from MDZS. I'll return to my MDZS fics and I still am way more over there than MHA, but it's fun to have them both! I was worried they'd switch off (that weird anxiety of hyperfixations breaking and leaving me bereft of a source of dopamine, ya feel).
And ah, fic engagement is the best.
Friday, 9th of August / Vendredi 9 août 2024
────୨ৎ────
Sleep: 5 am to 12 am [6-7h of sleep]
Also took a nap from 8pm to 9.30pm
Health: ate pretty healthy. But didn't move much.
Work / Focus : journaled and revised for my driving license [~3h maybe?]
Main event: Some family came over to stay with the night, there is 3 children with them, on top of my 3 small siblings.
My oldest sister ♡ also came to stay for the night. I'm happy to see her since she doesn't live with us anymore.
Detailed description:
(This part can be skipped, no need to care about my life, I'm writing this for myself)
I have some family that came over during the day, they're staying for the night (they're 5 to stay, dont even know where they'll sleep, our appartement is already small enough) and they're 3 children with them.
Then, during the evening, my older sister also comes over to stay for the night, she didn't know we had guests. So now we're sooo much in the house, children everywhere (because I already had 3 small siblings + the 3 that came), I can't focus on my work T-T
Glad we have a park right in front of our appartement, the children can go out and play.
So I work during that time, then at 8pm I start to feel drowsy so I take a nap. (Of 1h30)
When I wake up, I journal, help a bit with the chores, spend some time talking with my sister, then work again and it's already 3, so I'm sleeping late again.
We also found a solution for who will sleep where (fortunately we have 2 extra mattresses for when guests come and stay for the night)
We make the young boys sleep together on 2 mattress next to another in my brother's room, (but there's no place for my brother to sleep, so we just tell him to stay at our cousins place, he was at their house all day anyway so it's not a problem).
My dad also decides to stay at his friend's place, so just like that, the guests and the family all have a place to sleep. (But I don't have a pillow anymore, someone took it).
Feelings about today: I'm proud of the work I did.
At first I was also worried about all those children having to stay in the house, on top of my 3 siblings, but it was alright since they didn't mess too much, they just played outside or in one room and were pretty calm.
And the guests weren't burdensome, we were happy to have them over, we just needed to make some place for them to sleep.
And then, I was so so happy my sister came over. She's the only sibling older than me, she's the true oldest daughter, since she left the house I only took her role, she's the original, and she's so damn cool.
So yeah, I'm the second child and after me there are 4 more.
And I'm just realizing that my younger sisters see me the way I see my older sister (lets call her K) ; so like a model, and the incarnation of class and coolness.
Sometimes I see them copying me the way I would also copy K, and that's so so cute (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)
Anyway that's it.
Wish a great day to whoever will read that <3
Bisou bisou les amis.
I find this a little too personal-
Google your name, favorite color, and the word aesthetic
Pick 4 images you like and you have yourself a moodboard 💖
I was tagged by @romanticize-and-decay tysm I loved this!
Im tagging @teamjacobthot @witchyangela and @howlonghaveyoubeenseventeen