The Silly Little Family Dynamic That Exists Somehow

the silly little family dynamic that exists somehow

nooo little german boy, don’t fall off the horse when your crusty dads are randomly getting along

IM BORED AND I WANNA WRITE SOMETHING please gimme requests.

I'm about to make good on an old ass promise.

Let's fucking go ✨

few rules before we get into this:

- Look up roller derby positions if you're confused, I promise it's not that hard to understand

- Consider this an au where the nations get put in a roller derby team... for some reason.

- I'm bad at coming up with roller derby names. Excuse the bad names. And get on with it.

- Nyotalia because roller derby is such a violently feminine thing

- am only gonna do the main group i consider immediately relevant for now but i'll add on later lmao.

America, AKA, Fried Freedom Fighter

Wanted to name herself something funny and this was the best she could come up with LMAO.

Based on the violently American concept of a fried oreo. but oreos wouldn't cut it. thus, this. Also, star themed attire no matter what.

Often plays the Pivot blocker. She will get penalized if he jams, so star passes are hell.

Canada, AKA Maple Skates

She was given this name by her teammates for sure.

She gets competitive as FUCK and will get penalized a shit ton, but she always thanks the people at the time out box for their hard work. She somehow always wears flannel.

Mostly a blocker, but will jam to get some shakes out. The shakes are real.

France, AKA Eiffel Power

Chose the name herself because she thought it sounded cool without leaning too far out of classy. Wears elegant ish things and elaborate makeup.

Lord, help you if you're trying to understand what she's saying during a jam. terrible communicator. on the other hand, she always lands apex jumps! gracefully at that

will not pass the star. just no. shes keeping that silly hat.

England, AKA Alice in Wounderland

It was either this name or Mary Choppins, and France told her that this was the more classy option. Not that class matters of course.

She puts her hair in braids and dyes them SO MANY COLORS its amazing i wish i could draw what my mind's eye says. very spiky and punk in style (well, not spiky, that could make gear penalties happen. studdy?)

Brace blocker, and she has trouble breathing when things get too crowded, but it's okay. she knows the team has her back :). (don't tell her i said that)

China, AKA Chi Blocker

In spite of this name, she is not often a blocker. lil zippy girl jams! /pos... but if she blocks, she does well enough

Joins England in the braids with colors club for a while, but she does red and gold. Also, she loves doing makeup with France.

fucking NYOOMS, even during downtime. She loves being active. Though she also complains about cramps the most. Hmm...

Russia, AKA Black Swan

She ABSOLUTELY was referencing the Black Swan in swan lake. dresses accordingly too. Goth girlie.

Out of everyone, she gets the most penalties. Usually forearms. Or high blocks (hitting people in the face). She's also known for having the only egregious penalty of the team, but denies that it ever happened.

Aside from that, she's an amazing player. In a vaguely friendly rivalry with FFF (America). also, she puts her hair in a low bun, and spends most of her time on her toe stops like they're pointe shoes.

N. Italy AKA Hasta La Pasta

COULD NOT resist the temptation. got the name idea from America. took it and ran.

Also in the braids club, but under the advice of Germany, only wears one so nothing bad happens. Other than that she wears a lot of fun color combinations. looks like a rainbow on wheels.

This poor girl cannot block for the life of her. well, she can, but she'll usually fall. Somehow, this ends up getting the other team penalties, so it's all good but she feels bad. besides that she's pretty fast.

Japan, AKA Killer Katana

Yet another victim of America's name choosing. She likes it though, it sounds fun.

Dresses plainly, but Italy can and will put her in fun makeup. There will be no lack of eyestrain.

In spite of her stature, she makes a good blocker. Known for her sprinting skills and offensive ability too. Can and will murder you (but also can and will apologize for it).

Germany, AKA Eisen Maiden

Was ALMOST a victim of America's names, but got the suggestion 'iron maiden' from England. Took it, made it her own, bam. Why is this her name? well, ask the ridiculous amounts of protective gear. She looks like she's dressed in armor.

Self-Proclaimed captain and rules lawyer. The only skater on the team to debate with a referee to date. That's a story for my ao3 drafts though!

Specializes in blocking, but is pretty well rounded. Makes sure everyone else is too. She usually leads warmups.

S. Italy AKA TomaTerror

How could she not reference tomatoes with Romano having a whole character song dedicated to the damn things? It's a reference to her face getting red in universe but come on.

Does not put up her hair. Dresses in bright colors, but like. menacingly.

She's almost as bad as her sister, but god damn it, if you piss her off you will forget what it feels like to have untorn hamstrings. Terrifying jammer, can't block for shit.

Prussia AKA RollerPaladin

She got the name from being assigned the archetype in everything possible. Just stuck roller on the front and made it so.

Joins England in the punk skater girl thing, but does not braid her hair. no, she puts it in a ponytail.

Blocker because when she tries to jam, she ends up falling on her ass and when she tries to pivot, she ends up getting the star pass (every damn time) and falling on her ass.

So who wants to see my interpretation of putting hetalia characters in roller derby

shitpost screencap redraw / expectations vs. reality

null element manipulation and harvest induction???

Click on it twice. These are your two super powers.

REAL

Talking about hetalia is so embarrassing because unless you’re using the character’s human names you’d sound insane.

“Yeah remember when the holy roman empire had a crush on italy?”

“Remember that time when the axis and allies fought an entire army of aliens?”