ataraxiaspainting - i just want your love, so don't waste my time...
i just want your love, so don't waste my time...

☾ ( she / her ) ( panromantic asexual ) ☽ . . ♡︎( 18+ only please ) ♥︎ ( dark content + fluff ) ♥︎ ( 18 ) ♥︎ ( infj ) ♥︎ ( aya )

557 posts

The End.

The End.

The End.

Yan Kafka x F Reader.

Synopsis: Kafka always sits in the front row, despite being part of the show herself.

Warnings: Yandere themes, stalking, thoughts of violence, manipulation, and unhealthy relationships.

Word Count: 1k.

Ten Songs Like This Piece:

Breezeblocks by alt-J

Waltz No. 2 by Dmitri Shostakovich (feat. The Dixie String Quartet)

Swan Lake by HAUSER

Claus by Los Tres

Doin’ Time by Lana Del Ray

Lie by BTS

She’s My Collar by Gorillaz (feat. Kali Uchis)

Cha Cha by Freddie Dredd

Michelle by Sir Chloe

MONTERO (Call Me By Your Name) - SATAN’S EXTENDED VERSION by Lil Nas X

*~*~*~*

The roses are wilting.

It was destiny, fate. Such pretty things never last forever, after all, even if the entire universe wished otherwise. One way or another, they are meant to fall, like how the sun drops below where anyone can see it, being replaced with the moon, and vice versa. They fall deep, deeper than hell itself, and no one can pick them back up, unless one would be inclined to make a pact with the devil himself, doing horrendous things in his name. But Kafka has already committed such sins, so why deny doing so any longer? It is who she is. It is who you are, to be entangled in her lies and be forced to dance and to sing and to act.

With two gloved hands, she picks up the vase, spilling out the moldy water and the dying roses, the roses she got for you after you sang so well at the opera house, looking so beautiful, into the trash can underneath your makeup vanity, where little clumps of hair and emptied products always meet their end.

She’ll get you a new bouquet later. A new vase too. Perhaps instead of white roses you would like red ones instead? Kafka knows that this vase is cheap too, from one of your fellow divas, whose high notes are not as high as yours and her costumes not as elaborate or as elegant as yours.

“I honestly don’t see why you even try to befriend any of them, darling. They are all envious harpies. They can’t hold a candle to anything you do.”

You are not here, but Kafka’s mouth always has a mind of its own, so it spins lies even when your delicate, lovely ears are not in the general vicinity. Not that she minds it. But yours is what she is quite more so than trifles with, because yours is carefully controlled by her and her alone, and you, as always, don’t get a say. It’s a sort of hypocrisy, Kafka thinks, but she doesn't mind that either.

If she has to, she’ll even sew your mouth shut, your ears shut, your eyes shut, if that is what it takes for you to stay with her. She doubts it would ever come to that, though, because you are always too fragile and too trusting to tell the difference between an Iago and a Desdemona. But the latter role would much better suit you, her little flower, her princess.

You are so precious, but also a treasure prying eyes will always want to touch and see and hear. Kafka would, in all honesty, love to cut their hands and tongues off, if it did not ruin the carefully crafted image she made just for you. Maybe later, though, when all the stage lights are off.

“Lady Macbeth, hmm?” She murmurs.

She disagrees with the role you were given entirely. But, you were not one to stand up for yourself, so Kafka let it go. 

“You really ought to leave this business soon, dearest.” Kafka looks around, her arms crossed, not impressed with the room you were given in the slightest. “You can always just come with me.” She meant it. “Imagine all the sights you would see. All the food you would eat. All the gifts I would be so happy to give you. All the hugs and kisses you would receive from me. Everything… just think about it.”

She could imagine it herself. It is not hard, really, for the mind to reject all sense of logic and bow down to the whim of what is known as human emotions, mortal joys, woes, desires, wants, and needs. She could imagine sitting you on her lap as the ship jumps to the next world she will have to visit, telling you stories of the past, present, and future, as you look on with amazement. You don’t do that anymore, now. She would do anything to see it come back. She would steal a crown and place it on your head, though you having the genuine article does not make you any stronger. If anything, perhaps it would make you weaker to her whims.

“Imagine that…” She sighs, closing her eyes as she smiles. “We can go to Penacony. Your dreams would come true there if I cannot make them true myself. You can sleep on beds worth more than this entire opera house. If only you would let me. I know it would make you happy. I know it would make me happy. So why wouldn’t it make you?”

She would listen to your ultimate pains, and your ultimate wishes, and act accordingly. She loved you. You will too, again. It is only a matter of time, isn’t it? Yes, Kafka thinks, it is fate. 

Kafka always sits in the front row of the theater.

It does not matter whether or not she purchased the tickets for it, the seat, or the show soon to come to fruition. No one dares talk back to her, even security. She finds comfort in that. No one gets in the way of her having the chance to see you. Better yet, no one else sits in the front row when she is present.

So, she watches, one of her legs crossed over the other, her eyes never blinking. During interludes she likes to adjust her makeup accordingly, painting on another shade of crimson to her lips. Art comes in many forms, after all.

Kafka told you that once. As always, you listened dutifully as she taught you to be.

She taught you many things, not just that. She taught you how to read constellations. She helped you learn her vocabulary in the books she gave you, often long fairytales or poems. She preferred it that way when you used to be so eager to have someone be friendly to you and not want to simply use you for their own amusement, not wanting to throw you out of the opera house altogether.

The opera house may rot after it goes up in flames, in the future, if things go her way as it always does, but she’ll stay to watch it all, to take you in as you cry and as she shushes you. She’ll be happy. Maybe you will be too, for her. It matters how good your performance is, if you even want to act anymore, after all.

The lights dim, and she shows her pearl-white teeth as she grins.

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More Posts from Ataraxiaspainting

1 year ago

Hiiii are request open? Love your writing ❤️

honestly probably soon!!! like very VERY soon… almost at 300 followers so i’m gonna open requests again to celebrate that! 💖

if the milestone isn’t reached today, it will probably be by tomorrow!

tysm for the support everyone!! 🫶🏼


Tags :
1 year ago

Hayloft.

Yan Mahito x GN Reader.

Synopsis: Mahito wants to farm.

Warnings: Yandere themes, kidnapping, Mahito as his own warning, implied minor character death, and implications of violence/forced cannibalism.

Word Count: 800.

*~*~*~*

“Sounds fun! Looks so too!”

Mahito’s fingers tap and tap on the glass, unsurprisingly never leaving any fingerprints or smudges. He is a curse, after all. It makes sense. Not that you have to be reminded of such, with how little he knows of human culture, the world at large, or with how much he shapeshifts into a disembodied head at night to scare half-awake you. 

You are both sitting on a giant bean bag in the shape of a green slime of all things that Mahito brought in an hour or so earlier. Mahito, as expected, takes up most of it with a malformed arm wrapped around your shoulders and back. 

In your hands is a Nintendo Switch, the sticker case on the joycons, and the screen itself somewhat peeling off, but still the pink bunny and strawberry drawing designs stay intact.

The YouTube app is on, showing a playthrough of Stardew Valley. This part of the sewers had two bars of wifi from the little ramen place above it, something you are grateful for in some aspect. Because of it, you have one more piece of entertainment that is now Mahito bringing you back stale snacks and stuffed animals (that you pray to whatever higher power that they were not alive before Mahito got his hands on them) and nearly smothering you with hugs. 

This is calming. When you just read the dialogue of the characters and listen to the music and pay attention to the satisfying sight of the farmer planting pumpkin seeds and apple tree saplings, it is calming, you are calm, Mahito is, at least partially, calm.

Mahito wanted something to watch today and brought the Nintendo Switch for you to play with as he simply observes. It could be worse, you reminded yourself before you attempted to protest, stopping yourself. It could be much worse. He could turn you into the Nintendo Switch, or much, much worse.

It can be so much worse. He can be so much worse. Your life as a captive can be so much worse. Everything can be so much worse. That is a line you never want to cross because everything can be so, so much worse than it already is.

Mahito raises his free hand, and you pause the video, just as you were taught to. He then points again at the field of two-dimensional, square-like crops all in multiple rows of hoed soil. 

It’s springtime in the game, you think, from how the cherry trees have pink blossoms and petals falling onto nearby ground all around it.

Mahito counts with his fingertip, jumping from one plant to the next and then from one row to the next.

He whistles, and it makes you flinch because that is the same noise he makes whenever you scream, a reaction to when he brings a body part of someone you loved here, throwing it down beside the small dog bed you were given for good behavior, the blood staining the fabric as it falls with a grotesque, sort of plopping sound.

If Mahito wants to grow vegetables and fruit in the few places this sewer has sunlight, he can be your guest.

“Potato, cauliflower, garlic… green beans, kale, parsnips, rhubarb, strawberries…” He says each word like he has never heard of them before. Considering he has never really set foot in a grocery or convenience store for anything other than chips, it is not all that surprising. With another wave of his hand, you rewind it to the moment where the farmer character starts watering the seeds when they are freshly planted. He waits. So do you. “Sounds good! We can make some cheese cauliflower, parsnip soup, pizza, hashbrowns… just imagine it! Yum… I can just picture it now.”

With yet another wave of his hand, you stand up and so does he. Relief goes through you, like a ghost, both horrifying you and making you feel the smallest bit of hope that for once Mahito can act normal.

“M-Mahito, vegetables don’t grow that fast.” You say, looking down at the plate of baked fish with what smells like kale and garlic underneath, along with lemon and salt. “H-How-”

“It’s simply the power of love!” Mahito exclaims, inhaling loudly to smell the dish in front of you two. He sighs softly. “A pure demonstration of my love, all I do for you, and all I will do for you in the future.”

You could have sworn that there was the smallest voice from the fish if Mahito’s bragging of how much work went into making you a dish from Stardew Valley was not so loud.

Help me.

“Dig in, cutie!”

You would do anything for Mahito’s grin to not turn into a frown, so you pick up your fork with trembling, scarred hands.


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1 year ago

Ultraviolet Catalogue.

Ultraviolet Catalogue.

“I either use the cards I was given or get crushed under the weight of the world. Surely, at least one of you can understand that, yes?”

Warnings: Typical yandere themes, violence/gore, and sexual implications.

Pairing: Yan Chrollo x F Reader. (feat. Yan Phantom Troupe x OCs/Readers.)

→ Introduction.

You are trapped in a web of unfortunate circumstances.

But like a butterfly with a hole in one of its wings, you are not content with waiting to be rescued, instead choosing to claw your way out, even if you may not survive outside of the nest. Your only option is being like the spider that trapped you, entangling the other butterflies in your own webs. They follow you like moths to a flame, naive to the fact that your words are as sharp as a spider’s pincers. 

You are constantly caught between your two natures, changing between both in the blink of an eye. There is no middle ground, for your morality and inner core have been taken from you long ago. To you this is a twisted game where the only rule is unspoken; do whatever it takes to survive.

→ Divisions.

Main Story.

CHAPTER I / Hier Encore.

CHAPTER II / Sweet Hibiscus Tea.

CHAPTER III / Cradles.

CHAPTER IV / Duet.

CHAPTER V / Teeth.

CHAPTER VI / We’ll Meet Again.

CHAPTER VII / It’s Over, Isn’t It?

CHAPTER VIII / Play Date.

CHAPTER IX / All For Us.

CHAPTER X / Problems.

CHAPTER XI / Star of the Show.

CHAPTER XII / Custer.

CHAPTER XIII / Escort.

CHAPTER XIV / After Dark.

CHAPTER XV / Sea of Sin.

CHAPTER XVI / The Sound of the End.

CHAPTER XVII / Choking on Flowers.

CHAPTER XVIII / Worms.

CHAPTER XIX / Nobody.

CHAPTER XX / Tiny Light.

CHAPTER XXI / The Rebellion.

Side Stories.

(to be added)

Misc.

(to be added)


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1 year ago

labyrinth.

Labyrinth.

bold – yandere.

italic – concept.

regular – non-yandere.

bold and red – favorite characters, more likely to get longer fics.

purple - bullet formatted.

*~*~*~*

jareth.

(to be added)

1 year ago

One More Hour.

One More Hour.

Megumi x GN Reader.

Synopsis: After nearly a whole day of spending time in your boyfriend’s dorm, he still wants more. Can you really deny him that wish, especially after he has bribed you with more chocolate and plushies, along with cuddling his dogs?

Word Count: 1k.

Ten Songs Like This Piece:

we fell in love in october by girl in red

Honeypie by JAWNY

I Wanna Be Yours by Arctic Monkeys

Training Wheels by Melanie Martinez

Bubble Gum by Clairo

Cloud 9 by Beach Bunny

As It Was by Harry Styles

Mayonaka no Door / Stay With Me by Miki Matsubara

Hey Lover! by Wabie

Electric Love by BØRNS

*~*~*~*

No matter how much time passes, Megumi's dorm room remains unchanged in appearance and function.

The door glides open effortlessly unless Megumi has locked it for the night or day.

The rear wall of his room boasts fully stocked bookshelves, primarily filled with history books and nonfiction literature. This tends to annoy you, as reading any of them inevitably leads to immediate boredom-induced sleep. Once, you suggested that Megumi should embrace more imaginative reads, prompting him to respond with a half-serious glare that may have been annoyance or simply playful teasing, a common occurrence when the two of you are alone.

Megumi sleeps on a single futon, always left in a disheveled state, which is rather peculiar considering his typically organized nature. Even you occasionally make your bed, unless you're too tired in the mornings. However, Megumi consistently leaves his futon untidy, with stacks of nonfiction books near his pillow, as is his custom.

You always ponder silently, wondering if he keeps such boring books near his bedside so he can fall asleep faster, a mischievous smile forming within.

In the far corner of his dorm room sits his desk, always facing away from you. On it, you'll find Megumi's trusty laptop, open notebooks filled with scattered ideas, a collection of books, a handful of succulents and bonsai seedlings, and if you're fortunate, his Nintendo Switch. It's likely occupied by the perpetual loading screen of Animal Crossing: New Horizons, Omori, or Fire Emblem: Three Houses. Although he claims to play these games solely to appease your persistent recommendations, deep down you suspect he genuinely enjoys them. Of course, if you were to ever voice this suspicion, he wouldn't hesitate to sell his beloved Nintendo Switch on some online auction platform right before your eyes, subjecting you to a rather cruel spectacle.

However, he would undoubtedly retract his decision at the last possible moment. Megumi may possess various traits, but intentionally causing you emotional pain out of spite is certainly not one of them.

“‘Gumi, what’s your favorite type of chocolate?”

At your question, Megumi stares at you like you have grown a second face like Tomie Kawakami. Surely to him, you’re also just as pretty right, minus the second face thing? You’ll have to put it on your list of impulsive things to ask him, physically writing it down or otherwise.

In your hands is the heart-shaped box he had just given to you as a supposed reward for not having talked his ears off. Along with not having thrown his gift, a container of some homemade strawberry cake that you made from a boxed mix, that you would never admit, at him when he inevitably made some teasing quip. You aren’t known for being exactly willing to let insults from fellow peas in your pod pass without them hammering back. It is just what you do.

He may avoid the question, but at least he will still be chained down to sitting with you on the floor if you keep on pouting with every action he takes.

As always, acting like he is being held hostage in his own dorm room, he shuffles from side to side instead of responding. He’s faking being nervous again. Even if you wanted to, you could never actually hurt Megumi.

He looks at the floor, feigning confusion and fear.

You sigh.

There is a slight smirk that appears on his face as you do so.

He can be such a dick sometimes, intentionally or not, although him being the former is quite rare, he only does it with you. The duality of such a foreign species of a man called Megumi Fushiguro, you guess.

“Cherry, of course.” Of course. “I just love it. You should know that. Bec-”

Immediately, your hand slaps over his mouth like its life depends on it.

“Don’t you dare, everyone knows I hate cherry-flavored things!”

Like he was drowning, Megumi acts out a struggle and as soon as your hand is off, he takes in deep breaths, inhaling in and out quickly like you had single-handedly made him see the heavens itself. He is strange. But so are you.

So, against your better judgment, you throw your copy of Crime and Punishment, all 700 pages of it, at him, hitting his forehead with a loud slamming sound erupting from the attack.

“Ow!” Megumi exclaims, rubbing the sore spot with his hands. Maybe your actions were over the top? Yet, then again, so was his.

You cross your arms. “Deserved.”

“I can take away that rabbit plush I gave you last week.”

“You wouldn’t dare, Fushiguro.”

“I would. You’re lucky, though. I don’t usually tease anyone aside from you.”

That’s true. Megumi is stoic in all matters, from cooking to reading. That is, aside from matters where a closed door and you are involved. It is like he becomes an entirely different person, you heavily, heavily doubt Yuji would believe you if you told him.

Even on dates, he is never this expressive. If anything, he is a well-meaning but cold Prince Charming whenever the general public has eyes on him. If only that were true.

“But really, what is your favorite type of chocolate?”

His smirk disappears, replaced with a thoughtful expression.

“Hmm.” Perhaps the all-powerful concussion made him go back to normal? That would make sense. “Coffee, maybe.”

“Huh? Why, to still satisfy your caffeine addiction?”

“Goes well with ginger.”

“What?”

It is a hard-to-stomach image that appears in your head; Megumi eating Shogayaki for breakfast with black coffee along with coffee-flavored chocolates on the side. It makes you sick just thinking about it. If that vision ever became an unfortunate reality, you could imagine yourself looking at the scene in pure horror. 

He isn’t teasing you if his expression tells you anything.

He’s serious.

“They aren’t that sweet either.” He really is serious. “You know I don’t like sweet side dishes. Ginger and coffee are a good combination.”

He really is fucking serious.

“Get out, Megumi.”

“...This is my-”

“Argh! Don’t care! Get out!”


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