Hi My Name Is Bruce Thomas Wayne And I Have Long Ebony Black Hair Thats Kinda Greasy And Dirty That Reaches

Hi my name is Bruce Thomas Wayne and I have long ebony black hair that’s kinda greasy and dirty that reaches my shoulders and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Edward Cullen (AN: if u don't know who he is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Kurt Kobain but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm not a vampire but my diet and sleep schedule resembles one. I have pale white skin. I'm also a vigilante, and I live in a crime-filled city called Gotham in America where I'm a billionaire (I don’t do any actual work). I'm an emo (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love thrift stores and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black Kevlar batsuit with a matching black cape around it and a black cowl with bat ears, black batweapons and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and black eye shadow. I was walking outside Gotham. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of villains stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

Jason and tim are both nerds both on opposite sides of the nerd spectrum, like, you know

people who love dc AND marvel

fucking elite

he picked him up like a sack of potatoes

bonus

Riku arriving in Quadratum to bring Sora home.

Hi. I love your work it's super hilarious and always makes me smile no matter the bad I had. I know you mostly only do bat family only. But I really love the BuzzFeed unsolved segment you did with Batman villains. Would it be alright to ask if you could do more of that?

Again love your blog. It's so refreshing.

"Hello and welcome to another season of Buzzfeed Unsolved. Today we'll be covering the enigmatic case of the Riddler."

"I see what you did there, Ryan."

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

"Yeah, I love a good wordplay."

"It's a double wordplay, actually, since his true identity—as we'll dive into—is Ed Nygma."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"That's a stupid name."

*wheeze*

~

Shane: "I'd love to sit down for a dinner with Poison Ivy."

Ryan: "Except she could strangle you with her plants."

"She seems like a decent lady."

"She's an eco-terrorist!"

"But she's got a good point."

~

"—and that's when Roman Sionis became the notorious crime boss Black Mask."

"Wait, so he fused a mask to his face?"

"Pretty much. Kinda gross when you think about it."

"I can imagine. Like, you know when you were a kid and you'd cover your head in saran wrap and try to melt it on with a hair dryer?"

"No?"

"You didn't try to encase your head in plastic when you were a kid? That was a whole thing at my school."

"The fuck kind of school did you go to?"

"You didn't do that?"

"Why the hell would I do that?!"

~

"Harleen, known for her genius-level IQ, got her PhD in psychiatry at Gotham State University."

"But Gotham's not a state."

*wheeze* "I mean, it's so cut-off it might as well be."

"Also, if my math's right, that means she went to school with Bruce Wayne."

"What are you implying?"

"You know how college is."

"So you think Bruce Wayne and Harley Quinn were—"

"Smashing pumpkins?"

"... Sure. Let's go with that."

~

Shane: "If I was Mr. Freeze, I'd give up evil and just drive an ice cream truck."

Ryan: "No offense, but you'd be the stranger danger that parents tell their kids about."

"You don't want my ice cream? My evil Arctic laser ray sundaes?"

"Actually when you put it like that it sounds pretty good."

~

"Here we are in the Joker's abandoned theme park. I'm gonna turn on my spirit box and see if we can pick something up."

"I thought he was alive."

"Depends on your canon."

~

Shane: "Fuck, marry, kill: Two-Face, Mad Hatter, Man-Bat."

Ryan: "Kill Man-Bat and uh... fuck Two-Face and marry the Hatter."

"Interesting. Care to explain?"

"Well, Man-Bat's, like, an animal, right? Or at least part animal. And I'm not into the furry stuff anymore, so—"

"Anymore?"

"It was an experimental phase."

"Sure. A 'phase'."

"It was!"

"Don't worry Ryan, your secret's safe with me." *winks*

"I'm not—" *takes a deep breath* "Anyway, so kill Man-Bat. Then I'd have a one-night with Two-Face 'cause I think his two halves can get creative, you know?"

"Why're you asking me if I know? Do I look like I know him?"

"Honestly I wouldn't be surprised at this point."

"And then I'd marry the Hatter 'cause Batman's gonna send him back to Arkham in like a week anyway so I'll be free."

~

"Welcome back to Buzzfeed Unsolved: Postmortem, a show where we answer your most pressing questions about the latest episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved, which was Red Hood. All the questions we have today are from our Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and directly on the video on BUN."

"Our first question comes from user@jasontoddsnotdead on Twitter: Is it possible that Red Hood was actually a former protogé of Batman who felt he was let down because Batman won't do what's needed?"

*Shane and Ryan glance at each other*

Both, in unison: "Nah."

~

Ryan: "Our next fan art comes from @robin4 on Instagram. It's basically the Ghoul Boys as a vigilante duo."

Shane: "Would you ever become a vigilante, 'cause I wouldn't."

"Sure. Just not in Gotham."

~

"The Hotdaga's coming to Gotham City, and this time, they're facing off against the evil Condiment King."

"That's not a real villain."

"It is."

"I don't believe you. It's too over-the-top even for Gotham."

"Well, you better believe it, 'cause we even got a special performance from Catwoman herself."

"Why did I agree to this show?"