Aushina - AA's Analysis Page

👽👽👽

Parents of Reddit Confess Why They Regret Having Kids

"I felt nothing for the child, it was like an object to me."

This is so important, stories like this need to be told.  The cultural insistence we have that parenthood is some kind of magical bonding that happens every time without exception does real harm to both parents and children, as you can see from some of these stories:

My father recently told me he never wanted kids, but my mother wanted them. She thought he would love us when we were born.

and

I didn’t realize that a maternal instinct is not universal. You know how you see parents in the delivery room and they are crying tears of joy? I felt nothing. […] My boys are well cared for and I am always here for them, but it feels very unnatural and fake and unenjoyable. It is a bit like a retail job you don’t like where you put on a fake persona and slog through it the best you can. I don’t get to leave this job, though. 

and

I also thought I wouldn’t mind missing out on all the partying and holidays because I would have the ultimate gift, a child.

and

I always said I would never have children. I hate kids..I do. I am just not that type of nurturing person. I was always very careful to make sure protection was in use (condoms, birth control) but I am that .1% and apparently very fertile.  I do not have that natural motherly instinct that all women seem to have, you know..that one that kicks in the moment they know they’re pregnant. I have to work really hard at it and it’s exhausting. I miss my solitude and being able to “check out” of reality from time to time.

and

Because kids aren’t the life completer we believe they are.

Are there people for whom having children completes their lives?  No doubt.  Are there parents for whom the downsides like sleeplessness and loss of personal time are outweighed by the love and joy they feel?  Of course.  Are there people who change their minds about wanting kids once they have them?  Sure.  But that’s not true for everyone.  It doesn’t happen every time, it’s never guaranteed, and the consequences are grievous when people who don’t want children have them anyway trusting that they will love the child and be happy.

We need to dispel the starry-eyed myths around pregnancy, childbirth, and marriage and create more realistic expectations.  Parenthood is too important a choice for people not to go into it with their eyes open.

I dunno maybe I’m way way off base and I’m gonna pay for it later in life but I just don’t think that letting my kid dip a few pretzel sticks in Nutella an hour before dinner should be considered morally unconscionable.

Something that is in fact SO important to Wei Wuxian is that, fundamentally, he is hot. He is Thee Hot Girl. He’s shooting five arrows blindfolded as a charged political statement and he’s doing it with zero magic powers AND he was sexy when he did it. He beats out his own brother (sorry, Jiang Cheng) for Most Eligible Bachelor despite being literally dirt poor and not a sect heir. He lives rent free in the minds of everybody twenty years later, to the point that JC and LWJ are literally Like That and NHS literally constructed his revenge plot around him and— look, just watch the scenes at the Second Burial Mounds Siege. Oh, and they use all his inventions, even though he’s an evil heretic, because uhhh they were really good inventions. Actually. Like he was in fact at the top of the field as an inventor and innovator. And he was hot. AND he had no powers. Whoops.

i love fox mulder because he responded so beautifully to having a woman come to his room, stripping down to her underwear in a state of vulnerability and fear. many men might’ve let that lead to sex or at least leaned into the suggestiveness of it, but after he inspected her and assuaged her fears mulder gave her a blanket, and then took the floor while she laid on his bed. and that could’ve been enough —probably was enough to make her feel safe with him — but he went a step further and he leaned his head in her direction and told her about the monsters in his closet. scully was shaking and terrified and the whole thing was silly. she was getting spooked over something she didn’t believe in, and he could’ve teased her endlessly for it but instead he said: this was scary for me too. because he knows sometimes mysterious bumps are only mosquito bites, and that there is nothing to be found or bothered about, but sometimes you need someone to indulge you. to hug you. to be there and tell you they understand, too

scully quotes of all time