The Untamed - Tumblr Posts
thinking about how Wei Wuxian's story allows the martyr to see the sacrifice and the resurrection and Lan Wangji's story allows the bereaved to see the loss and the resilience.
in our world, there is never enough time and space for grief. a failed self-sacrifice is often not witnessed or mourned, the martyr is not allowed to return and wrestle with the consequences and a world moved beyond them. reforming the self after the cataclysm comes from a place of fierce love and devotion.
love, grief, and sacrifice are different faces of the same human force.
I have had mxtx content so deeply embedded in my thoughts, the brainrot is so fierce. I love the narratives in her books, these themes that I haven't ever felt in a story before. Just some rambling about them that's bubbled up over the last few months:
SVSSS: even with a sense of authority on where the story will go, changes both small and large can surprise or underwhelm you. there are always stories hidden behind characters and characters lost to hidden stories. the narrative we tell about ourselves affects everything about how we interpret the meaning of what we experience. often we are blind to the meanings we emphasize or suppress, confident in the authority of a narrative we insist is true, cohesive, consistent, or normative.
MDZS: everyone has their own version of events, often not in service to truth or justice, but power and image. yes, where you come from and what you endure can be limiting or enabling. yes, it can explain why you do what you do. yes, you still always, always have a choice to do what is right. only you can decide what that is. in some cases, everyone will have an opinion. in others, no one will know or care. you choose whether that influence what you do. it is never too late, it is never over, and every choice is a new opportunity. you can't change choices made in the past, but you can learn from them to inform your choices in the future and influence the options available to those who follow.
TGCF: sometimes you can change the story with brute strength and charisma, sometimes all you can do is endure and regulate your own response to it. you can reinvent yourself over and over, run from your past selves, suppress the parts of you that are shamed, but you will always be with you and only you. all that happens, within and around, bad and good, your actions or others', makes you you. the greatest and worst versions of yourself were all required to make this you -- it's not the state of you that matters, but the essence of you. integrate, rebuild, evolve, rebirth, morph, refine, transform, regress -- the story always progresses and characters always develop, the only story that defines you is the one you iterate.
And for all of them... sometimes, the happy ending isn't sweeping change in the world, awe inspiring redemption, or cathartic revenge. Sometimes it's allowing yourself to have a simple life with the ones you love, staying authentic to your values and desires, and understanding the revolution that is inherent to thriving in the body you live in, all its scars and memories included. You can never control the story of the world, no matter your knowledge, skills, or abilities, nor should you try. Horrid experiences and events can't be eradicated, but neither can beauty, awe, and grace. Unfortunately, these are not often equitably distributed. Fortunately, we can never know which will be in the next moment, which will be the last, if there will be better or worse than we have already felt. Such is living.
I want to know how mxtx constructs her relationship dynamics. They aren't just tropes, archetypes, foils. They feel so full, especially in the ways fandom explores all the nuggets of detail sprinkled throughout canon (and the ways the adaptations add or explore more). And not just the (canon) romantic ones, but also family members and political counterparts. It feels like all the combinations are fleshed out, including implied out-of-scene developments that have creators of transformative works salivating. The relationship between Lan Xichen, Jin Guangyao, Nie Mingjue. My Qing and Feng Xin. Beefleaf. Shang Qinghua and the other peak lords. Pre-canon parent lives, the juniors, towns passed through, the people of the land. Dynamics aren't just push-pull, teacher-student, savior-saved, unstoppable-unmovable, caregiver-cared for, dom-sub, light-dark, runner-statue, etc etc etc. And then to provide reasons for why characters crave that dynamic, why they resist it, how some cave to what they want and need due to circumstance or relationship development, how some are never able to for similar reasons. The part of me that likes to tug and prod at that flow, feeling the angst, struggle, desire and love, has an ocean of content to play with. It's no wonder Wangxian is one of the most prolific ship tags, and I hope to see more for Hualian once (if 😩) more is adapted as animation or drama. (Unfortunately I'm sure SV will continue to be the neglected eldest child -- more/continued adaptations would help there too.) Creators are just so damn creative in the ways they play in this sandbox and I'm just happy to be here to enjoy it. 🥰
I picked up rereading MDZS (first time with the official English release) after resisting the urge for hella months. (I both want to and desperately don't want to move on from these series LOL.) I never picked up on the Nie brothers having different mothers?? And I don't think the impact of that is clear on the plot? But I wonder what the story is there and if it explains why (beyond the whole fake incompetence thing) NMJ is how he is with NHS. I wonder if NHS internalizes something about what happened to his mother in a similar way to how LWJ does with his. I want to KNOW.
Also, I think this means that the Lan brothers are the only fully blood related sibling unit? We spend so much time focusing on the chaos of offspring brought about by JGS that I feel the rest of the sibling dynamics are understated. Potentially the Wen siblings as well, though I don't recall if any detail is provided about their parents. I wouldn't be surprised if they were half siblings as well. The Jiang trio has its own dynamics, blood relation between JC & JYL but none with WWX, yet intense care and affection all the same (among other spicier details).
These tiny details of chaos and instability do so much to set up this world that has been at war for over a hundred years (this story being the conclusion of it... or one part of it, or a hopeful continuation of temporary peace). A generation of parents lost or disconnected (or just shitty). A generation of youth parentified and sent to war too young. Terrified elders fearing the ways the world could get worse or established power could be threatened.
MDZS from Lan Wangji's perspective is a disillusionment. A interrogation of the status quo created out of survival, firm and unquestioning, but simultaneously lifeless. Wei Wuxian comes in representing pure resilient joy in the face of tragedy, a wine stain on pristine white fabric an artifact of the revelry the night before in the face of darkness. Wei Wuxian the bonfire during the long night, promising life and warmth and chaotic joy and a future that is worth living and fighting for. Lan Xichen's disillusionment strikes also through relationship, but much differently.
(Of course I start this post just pondering family relationships and end up waxing romantic yet again about Wangxian because I HAVE THE BRAINROT SO DEEPLY.)
A generation of orphans raising a new crop of hope, rambunctious and resilient and curious. It's not the blood relation that matters, but who cares for your future, who fans your flames with love and wisdom. Who strokes your hair and makes you soup or fits you to sect colors regardless of how you were found sick in a tree trunk.
Who protects you from whatever Nie Mingjue was protecting Nie Huaisang from, the sturdy older sibling shielding their baby brother while also grumbling about their need to toughen up. A protection and expression of care that drove NHS to devise a plan so extensive it involved bringing someone back from the dead for justice.
The tiny details, ugh. They drive me insane.
sometimes I think about mdzs existing with these adhd/autistic coded (by author intentionally or just claimed by fandom, idc), mutually traumatized, consensual nonconsent loving weirdo4weirdo gifted freaks who are also gorgeous and down so bad for each other like uhaul lesbians and
like who made this gift for me wow, bless, life IS worth living
ty for the food
thinking about the way Wei Wuxian sees the cracks in Lan Wangji's fascade, that calm and cold exterior, with joy and goes "you're human, you're human, you're human" to the point that it breaks Lan Wangji down completely. that's a feeling you can never forget.
thinking about the way Lan Wangji sees the steel in Wei Wuxian's flippancy, that irreverent and silly mask, with sincerity and goes "you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy" to the point that it breaks Wei Wuxian open completely. that's a feeling that can keep you alive.
they are so much more than complimentary or foils for each other. they act as each other's key to a part of themselves that is usually locked away, shining light on each other's shadows without even realizing the lifetime of experience they're contradicting.
Rereading MDZS vol 3 (oof ouch my heart) -- trying to pin down my interpretation of Madame Yu is still so interesting. I fully think that she recognized Wei Wuxian's potential and saw that he was currently exhibiting leadership maturity while her son was very clearly still juvenile (love that for JC tbh). In the scene where the kid is taken by the Wens for the kite, WWX jumps into management mode and JC is freaking out with the other disciples. Madame Yu overhears that. I don't think Wei Wuxian would be lead disciple only because of age (though it may be just that) and he clearly had the respect of the younger disciples (oof ouch my heart again). She could have held him back to defend Lotus Pier, but I think she saw how critical he was to Jiang Cheng's (and maybe also Yanli's) survival. And then she drilled in that he owed them, that anything less that absolute self-sacrificing dedication is because he is spiteful, a leech, selfish. JFM's backbone is Madame Yu (it seems) and I think WWX is JC's and she recognizes that, despite all of JCs bluster. She bound WWX to JC with Zidian intentionally, then affirmed his emotional bind to him with her words.
There's also something to servitude (class) and servitude (wife) here but that may be me over reading at that point 🤭.
Wei Ying had this murky image of a domestic life with a dedicated partner and a little one, hand in hand, warm and loving, all that good stuff, but she told herself that was just an echo of her only memory with her parents. That reality was far, far away, and Wei Ying had more urgent matters now. She always seemed to have more urgent matters. Thankfully, Lan Zhan was always there to keep her steady.
I'm a few chapters in to a fic about wen yuan getting taken into foster care with cisswap wangxian. It's a lot and I don't know how long it will end up, but it's been lovely for processing some of my own experiences with becoming a foster parent. I have so many scenes saved up that I want to get to, just need to stitch them together! (My least favorite part lol.)
Rated M (may change to E, not sure yet).
tw childhood trauma, panic attacks, distressed babies (wwx included), so far just vague allusions to neglect and emotional abuse
Title from Notion by Tash Sultana.
the flavors of gay thoughts and repression in wangxian are the most fun
LWJ: loud gay thoughts on the inside; enormity of my desire disgusts me; oh god he's hot oh no; repress repress repress; no one will know so long as I don't make eye contact with anyone ever again, especially xiongzhang; my purpose in life is to be pure and noble, not be gay do crime; peace and tranquility, meditation and silence, once familiar, now empty, but at least they remain; I will simply be absent of desire as far as anyone is concerned and it will be fine;
WWX: gay thoughts but for the meme, they are universally true thoughts, regardless of gender, ok, shidi; if I flirt with everyone, no one will know that one man gets the True Flirt, including myself; if I keep moving and talking and laughing then I can live head empty no thoughts as fate intended; when you think about it, like when you really consider, like I'm just saying; look at me look at me look at me, need it need it need it; did I mention it was for the meme because it seems you are taking it seriously; why are you tying that, you won't even listen, what will you do to me~~
The pain wasn't the issue. Pain was a part of life, part of his training, his willful personality requiring discipline he lacked from the time on his own. The pain was fine, expected if not welcomed, a representation of his acceptance at Lotus Pier. It was a sign of investment from the Jiang: time and resources to shape him into a strong cultivator, a right hand man to Jiang Cheng worthy of their philanthropy when the time came, at the very least not a blemish on their sect lineage.
The issue was that Wei Ying needed to be unconscious. He needed the time spent away, in darkness, left from his body so it could heal while he wasn't there to hinder it. He could feel the tightness of his eyes, bloodshot with too much continuous time here, present, active. He needed his time to be nothing so that tomorrow he could attempt to be something.
A snippet from the fic doc I write in when I feel like shit. 😆
I know that some people dislike the trend in fanon where WWX is ditzy or oblivious, but (aside from specific instances) I generally support his self bimboificiation. You can be a bimbo and a genius. You can be brilliant in some ways and dumb as rocks in others. The freedom of enthusiastically consenting to someone stubborn, strong, and dominant to objectify you knowing with full trust that they know your whole, competent self and love it all. There is a balance there and I think that Wangxian, even in canon, hit it. It took time and experience, a helluva lot of trust development, to get there.
Let Wei Wuxian be taken care of, objectified, consensually minimized into the tiny, malleable, soft animal of a person he wants to be. The version he only barely got to be with his shijie - xianxian is only three - and immerses himself in full with his dutiful husband.
(Lan Wangji himself then able to push, pull, manipulate, force, coerce, degrade, pamper, control, etc etc the way he desires to -- consensually, with full trust that it will be received as the fiercely devoted love and care that it is.)
Wei Ying often kisses Nie Huaisang on the mouth, a gentle and quick peck, when they part ways. It makes them giggle gleefully. He always kisses his sister on the cheek, the two of them closing their eyes in a glowing affection. He sometimes kisses his brother on the forehead, even holding his cheeks tight so he can't escape, then scampers off when Jiang Cheng halfheartedly swings for him, his face bright red and bashful. He occasionally kisses Wen Ning at the temple, Wen Qing on her knuckles, even Wen Yuan gets a raspberry on his chubby child cheeks more often than not. He once blew cheeky air kisses at his sister’s husband, somehow filled with a disdainful tolerance, the act an utter mockery of affection.
He does not kiss Lan Zhan.
Modern AU, post-college, mutual pining. Gratuitous kissing. Soft, no angst, lots of yearning. And then smut. I fed myself.
The discourse around "Wei Wuxian was oblivious" or "Lan Wangji was mean and didn't show his feelings" makes me so tired.
Clearly, many people have not loved someone so much it terrified them, loved a person in such imminent danger that every interaction became tense and difficult. The desire to remove that person from danger, control the situation (or even the person themselves), see them safe makes you yourself a different person entirely.
And on the flipside, the sense of belonging and care so absent and broken that you cannot see what is in front of you. Trust so destroyed (in yourself and others) that you no longer do the work (as you were trained to) to see beyond the cruelty and control as a facade for love and care. To see yourself as a sore and soft creature, encased in a hard weaponized shell that has to fight everything every second to survive, until it no longer seems worth it.
There is no nuance in either perspective, just a profound amount of fear and a drive for survival. MDZS is about war, class disparity, violence on a massive scale that also impacts every single relationship. One of the many reasons I love the story so deeply is that, yes, we see the connection between the two and the potential for so much, but the very reasons they are soulmates -- their values, sense of justice, intensity, dedication, sincerity, etc -- are also the exact reasons there was no option for them to be together under the onslaught of systemic violence.
They both understood that in their own distorted ways, and did not have the time or space to discover what they could make together instead. I think if they had even an iota of a chance to do so -- so close, teased at in LWJ's visit to Yiling with A-Yuan -- they would have tried. But they didn't.
It's all painfully human and real and I love mxtx for that.
Shen Qingqui: this man would be exactly my type if I were gay, bummer I'm not into massive heavenly perfect dicks
Wei Wuxian: this man is objectively the most attractive person to ever exist, too bad he's a boring prude made of stone who is also mad at me
Xie Lian: this man must be so beloved by his special someone, I hope our friendship doesn't get in the way of that
Meanwhile:
Luo Binghe: unconditionally obsessed for life since day 1
Lan Wangji: unconditionally obsessed for life since day 1
Hua Cheng: unconditionally obsessed for life since day 1
Sometimes I think about how Jin Ling goes by that instead of Jin Rulan and I just vividly picture his young mistress persona going like "yeah my not uncle was an unaware pining cut sleeve and my mom kind of just enabled it so... juijui and I just try to pretend it didn't happen -- it's cringe af" and I die a little in both grief and hilarity
Just finished Waiting for Spring by thievinghippo despite actively not giving af about baseball and had that postfic high of the closure and relief that so often comes with Wangxian. I love them so much. I love how well they can be put into so many AU and still be them. Different authors always highlight different themes from MDZS, whether it's A-Yuan, WWX's exile or sense of justice, LWJ's moral growth or clan challenges, all the side characters, family dynamics, betrayals, grief, hope... I eat it all up.
(And whew the quality smut of this fic and the fandom overall is definitely a huge plus.)
Some of my favourite mdzs boys ♡
