Ghuys Im Alive I Swear.
ghuys im alive i swear.
im working on fanfics but im just slow as hell…
More Posts from Beastszai
warnings : mentions of ab*se・BSD BEAST/BSD spoilers (???)
✧ dont know if this counts as anything but: odasaku wasnt dazais father figure—and as much as i hate to say this: mori was.
the toxicity of dazai? his never ending list of red flags??? the root of it all is mori, because he ‘raised’ dazai; not odasaku. mori took dazai under his wing and influenced him—shaped him into who he is.
all in hopes of dazai becoming a spectacular, one of a kind mafia member, if not the next boss; mori himself speculated that he wouldnt be shocked if dazai were to assassinate him and take his place as the next port mafia boss back in dark era.
…(at age 23 to be precise—dazai is 22 in the canon and current timeline—dazai rejoins pm agenda WILL become reality)
even in 15, when dazai asked mori “who do i remind you of?” (correct me if i quoted it wrong my memory is shittier than a gold fish with dementia)
mori responds with “myself”.
odasaku couldve been the healthy father figure, but that doesnt mean that he actually was. (even though that i desperately wanted him to be…)
so, if dazai was found by odasaku and not mori, then yeah, our sonny boy wouldnt have turned out to be so fucked up. but unfortunately, that isnt the case…
though shoutout to beast for feeding into my delusions! because if there are multiple universes with multiple different outcomes, that means that at least in one of them, odasaku found dazai before mori did!!!
no worries guys!!! dazai is taken good care of in at least one universe out there!!! (head in hands, shinji sitting pose…)
and to end this debate with a lil something, mori and dazais dynamic reminds me of the saying:
“The abused becomes the abuser”.
✦ Dazai and Chuuya childhood headcanons (1/2) ✦
part 2
♫ Tell Me What To Swallow - Crystal Castles
✧ warnings : mentions of s*icide, death, depression, mental health struggles, etc.・loss of loved one・mommy and/or daddy issues・ooc (???)
✧ a/n : 15 dazai, tdipud dazai and dark era dazai are all my personal Roman Empire it hurts… its hurts so much hes just a kid </3
w/c : 431
!!! these are just personal headcanons and are not accurate to the canon story !!!
✦ Dazai :
He was an only child. As a semi-only child, I can tell. Trust me.
And like the real Dazai Osamu, he was raised in a highly respected and powerful household—though I headcanon Dazai to have been born in a noble family
BIG mama’s boy. Was very clingy to his mom
One of the reasons he grew super clingy to his mom was because of his father being mostly absent (again, like the real Dazai Osamu)
He was in Dazai’s life, but he was rather…grayish, transparent in his life; not in the picture, busy with work blahblahblah
Dazai did try to create some sort of father-son bond with his father—but he just gave up after a while, noticing that his dad didn’t show interest in putting effort into building a bond with him the way Dazai did
Dazai would/did try to make conversation about his interests in false hopes of his father making time for him
But his dad would just brush him off with comments like “that’s nice, but I’m a bit busy right now. Why don’t you go and tell your mom the rest?”
After a while Dazai even grew to hate his dad… no specific reason given. Perhaps how he never wanted to be a true father to him—his own son.
So, yeah. Big mama’s boy. Would give his mom random hugs, come back from their garden with some of the prettiest flowers picked and in his hand for his mom (along with his clothes covered in mf dirt)
And again, like the real Dazai Osamu, his mother was ill.
I personally like to think that his mom wasn’t the best mentally. Maybe because of her relationship with her husband and depression…
But she was always full of love for Dazai, pampered him, spoiled him and treated him with so much care that you’d think of Dazai as someone fragile and easily breakable.
Always defended Dazai with her life, seriously
He was a golden child and I will die on this hill
Dazai was perfect in everything he did, but he only did things he or his mother liked.
Couldn't care less about others or whether he would hurt their feelings (unless it would upset his mom and his mom only obviously)
And the reason he could no longer see the point in life or living at such a young age (+his ‘obsession’ with s*icide and death)
Was because of his own mother taking her life and Dazai having to witness it… The only person he held so dear…
…these are my headcanons, at least </3…
notreallyiwannachangemythemebutimtoouncreative
i suddenly have ideas to write.
i have been freed from the writers block…!
✦ Dazai and Chuuya childhood headcanons (2/2) ✦
part 1
!!! THIS POST CONTAINS STORMBRINGER SPOILERS !!!
♫ Orchard - OMORI
✧ warnings : STORMBRINGER SPOILERS・mentions of s*icide, death, hospitalization, alcoholism, etc.・angst・pure angst…・ooc (???)
✧ a/n : got way too long im sorr… but I love chuuya so much and all these headcanons have been eating dust in the back of my head and im so happy (lie) to finally post them
w/c : 950
!!! these are just personal headcanons and are not accurate to the canon story !!!
✦ Chuuya :
Chuuya’s parents weren’t blessed with a child even after years of marriage…
…So when he was born, they were so happy that they celebrated 3 days and nights (like the real Chuuya Nakahara !!)
Such a sweet boy… very polite and a tiny bit shy
He actually had an amazing bond with both his parents
And they loved him a lot, too!
How mini Chuuya would help his mom around the house, how he would randomly tell her that he loves her :,^)
Chuuya was probably interested in his father’s work (military doctor, like the real Chuuya’s father!!)
AUGHH he would peek at his dad working with those big blue curious eyes
Also, unlike Dazai, I headcanon that Chuuya has siblings!
2 little sisters!!
When his first little sister was born, he was probably around 3 or 4
Was quick to grow attached to his sister
And when his second sister came around, he was around 7
Was very overprotective of his sisters, and had a big soft spot for them
Would piggyback carry their younger sister every morning to school while holding his other sisters hand
Brilliant kid
Adored by absolutely everyone and everything
Chuuya and the family dinners with the rest of the Nakahara family SIGHHH
His mom always worried about him not eating enough (even though he did.)
His dad developed this hobby and habit of checking Chuuya and his sisters’ heights and mark them on the wall
Chuuya wasn’t the happiest when he figured that his younger sister was nearly the same height as him…
And regarding Stormbringer and how he was put in a lab…
Ohhh how his mom was losing her mind over Chuuya’s father allowing such a thing
His family kind of… grew distant and fell apart from then on
Constant arguing between his parents while he was in the lab… how his sister would cover their younger sister’s ears each time they’d argue
She’d ask where Chuuya had gone every now and then, but it was like a forbidden topic in the house
His mom would either tear up or just lash out on his sister
And his dad would yell and cuss her out, saying things like “Goddammit stop asking stupid questions! He’s fine for god’s sake!!! Be patient and he’ll be back sooner than you think!!!”
Chuuya’s dad wasn’t very happy with the decision he made either
Regretting it like crazy and losing sleep, losing focus…
And once the news broke that their one and only son was dead (aka his clone… fuck stormbringer bro…)
His family was worse than ever before.
Chuuya’s dad cried… a lot. Fell into being an alcoholic for a long time
His sisters? Despite their young age and how they couldn’t wrap their heads around the idea of death…
They were devastated. Completely had their hearts and souls shattered
But his mom… she was the worst out of them all
It broke her so much that she couldn’t even cry over her son’s death
She was left in a daze, unaware of her surroundings and just… in her own world
Though, once it registered in her mind? How she would scream and cry at odd hours of the night, begging for Chuuya…
She would push away anyone who would try to comfort her, hit them and curse them out, only wanting Chuuya
Even though Chuuya’s ‘death’ had sunk in and she understood it, she’d scream at everyone to get away from her and that ‘only Chuuya can come close to her’
S*icide attempts became a regular thing
…the amount of times Chuuya’s dad was called during work hours and just rushed home to stop his wife from taking her life…
His sister lost sleep and stopped being the top student at school because of how difficult everything had become
Their younger sister was a bit better, considering she was small
But it still hurt, she’d call Chuuya out of habit, just to remember that he was never gonna answer her calling out to him
His mom’s situation got so bad that she was hospitalized for years
And even now that the entire Nakahara family has accepted Chuuya’s ‘death’
His mom hasn’t. She’s doing a lot better than before getting hospitalized but…
She always seems to be spaced out. She doesn’t smile or laugh, and even when she does… it seems forced and it’s only for a brief moment
His mom doesn’t talk much, not to anyone
She often spends her time talking to framed pictures of Chuuya. She still cries every now and then, but tries to hide it…
And honestly? I think that Chuuya has considered going back to his family
He’s coincidentally seen his sisters and made sure they got home safely from school/work while watching from afar… then return to his own work
It scares him to go back, not only because of him putting their lives on the line for being a mafia executive
But also because he’s supposed to be ‘dead’. That’s what his family believed and has learned to live with…
So if he were to show up at his childhood home, he’d make them confused
And he can’t even imagine how they would react if he were to go back
So Chuuya just watches over them from a distance…
But maybe, just maybe one day he’ll gather up the courage and listen to the voice in his head telling him to go back
That day won’t be anytime soon, not now. He can’t go back until he’s sure the time is right for him to do so.
Until then, Chuuya just prays that they’ll stay safe and alive…
That’s when he can return to his family, his home…
