bespinnn

Bespinnn

Sarah ✨She/Her✨ 18 ✨Ceramics Major 💚

101 posts

MY HEARTTTTTT

Don't Blame Me (J. Seresin)

Summary: Based on Taylor Swift's Don't Blame Me, it's the story of yours and Jake's relationship, over the course of three years.

Author's Note: Is my writer's block finally gone? Maybe? Hopefully, but then again, maybe it's just the effect that Hangman has on me. Here are way too many words where I basically confess my love for Hangman. I hope you enjoy this!

Warnings: explicit!female reader, alcohol, mentions of nudity, heartbreak, those infamous volleyball and football scenes

Word Count: 10k (including song lyrics)

Note: We’re assuming that Jake was at Top Gun after Penny bought the bar. This is roughly based on Penny and Maverick’s relationship, and I’m assuming that Coyote and Hangman went to Top Gun together. Italics are flashbacks.

*gif made by me*

Don't blame me, love made me crazy If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right Lord, save me, my drug is my baby I'll be usin' for the rest of my life

"Dude, your watch is flashing and ringing," Coyote points out. "From the looks of it, you need to slow your heart rate down."

Hangman wasn't listening. No, Jake's thoughts were far from the alert his smartwatch was giving. His mind was far from his friend's words. His thoughts were far from the game of pool they were playing. His mind was wandering away from the beer bottle in his hands. No, Jake was astutely aware of the woman walking out from the back kitchen of the bar. He hasn't seen her since he graduated from Top Gun, and even then, his heart rate acted the same.

"I'll be right back," Jake states and pushes away from the group.

It's been years since he saw her, saw you, but Jake knows that whatever feelings you both proposed not to act on were still there. Who could blame him? For months and months, you were all Jake thought about.

He thought you moved away, but it turns out, maybe you're back, too.

"Can I get another round, please?" he asks Penny. He's hoping to use this unneeded round of drinks to inquire about you.

"Do you want me to get the drinks or her?" Penny asks, flipping her head toward you knowingly.

"Whoever's available," Jake responds, a gentlemanly smile on his face. However Jake responded, he knows without a doubt that Penny would ring the bell on him, and he wasn't ready for that to be the moment you first noticed him.

"Did you not know she was back in town?"

Jake shakes his head. "We lost touch a few months after I graduated and she moved for work." And moved on from me, Jake thinks to himself.

Penny smirks. "There's no time like the present to catch up."

"Yeah," Jake murmurs, giving you another glance. He can still remember it like yesterday when he first met you. Well, more like, he can remember the first time he saw you and knew he loved you. He'd deny it, but both events happened at the same time. It was love at first sight for Jake, but then life got in the way. Was it possible the universe gave you two a second chance?

I've been breakin' hearts a long time And toyin' with them older guys Just playthings for me to use Something happened for the first time In the darkest little paradise Shaking, pacin', I just need you

It was his second day at Top Gun, and he finally made it out to the Hard Deck. It was infamous to be the place where Naval pilots hung out but were also highly respected. It also helped that each Top Gun pilot knew they could get lucky at said bar with one smile and wink.

That was most definitely the case for Lieutenant Jake Seresin. He knew how to work a room and wasn’t worried about finding an enjoyable date for the night.

Jake was in his element up until the point his favorite song came on on the jukebox. He saw the antique in the corner, but he wasn’t aware that anyone could use it. He made a mental note to play around with it the next time he came in. What caught Jake’s attention, though, was the woman who was walking away from the jukebox who most definitely played the song. Everything from her confidence to her smile to her hair to her eyes. Within seconds, Jake was gone.

“I’ll be right back,” Jake says to some of his fellow pilots before sashaying over to where you were walking towards the bar. He’s about to greet you when he watches you continue walking behind the bar. You work here; it appears.

“What can I get for you, tonight?” you ask, a gratuitous smile on your face. The smile falters a bit, though, when your eyes land on Jake. It wasn’t a reaction that Jake was used to. Normally, when Jake catches the attention of other women, he tends to arouse flustered looks, not the look you were giving. He didn’t even know how to describe it. Your customer service smile turned into a genuine smile as if you and Jake were old friends, but your eyes were wide. He couldn’t tell if you were flustered or confused by him walking up to you.

“I was going to ask for your name, but I didn’t want to give you the wrong pretext,” Jake answers, still confused. Jake was good at talking to women. It came as easy as flying, but talking to you and trying to figure you out was starting to feel like the Olympics. “I guess another beer, please.”

“You guess? Did you want something else?” you ask, a cocky tone in your voice. That reeled Jake in, quick. He was hooked in seconds.

“I would like to get to know you, but I’m not sure how comfortable you are with it.” Normally, Jake would just get right into his normal routine when talking to girls, but this time, it feels a bit different. He can’t just jump right into it. He didn’t want one night with you. He didn’t want two nights with you. He wanted every night that you’d be able to give him. He wanted every night with you for the rest of his life. He wanted every morning with you for the rest of his life. He wanted every afternoon with you for the rest of his life. And, he wanted every evening with you for the rest of his life. You were the one in a million that Jake’s mother always told him to be on the lookout for because the ones in a million don’t take nonsense, and sometimes, Jake gave that nonsense. You couldn’t mess that up with you.

“Why don’t you give me your best pitch, and we’ll see if you get my name?” you ask, a confident smile on your face. “Of course, I need to have the liberty to help the patrons in this bar, too.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want you to neglect any of your duties,” Jake responds, his Southern tone coming out.

“South Carolina?”

“Texas.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Lieutenant Jake Seresin.”

“Call sign?”

“Hangman.”

“Do you like to play the namesake game?”

“Do you like to play the game?”

“Yes, sometimes.”

“Then, yes, I like the game, too,” Jake replies, a cocky grin on his face.

You smile and playfully shake your head. “You’re good. Keep going.”

With that, Jake slowly gave his life story and how he happened to end up in this bar talking to you. When he finishes, he asks, “Was that good enough?”

“Maybe.”

“Was it good enough to get your name? If not, I can just call you pretty girl.”

You chuckle under your breath, and by the way you wipe a bead of sweat from your forehead, Jake knows he’s got you flustered. Jackpot! Slowly, you tell Jake your name and stare intently into his eyes. “Don’t make me regret this.”

Jake bites back a cocky “no girl regrets talking to me,” because that’s the nonsense his mother warned him to hold back on when it came to the ones in a million like you. “What’s your story?”

Slowly you give your life story and conclude with, “So, when I moved here for work, my aunt Penny, the lovely lady who bought this place a few months ago, asked if I could help her out, so I agreed. Besides, I could use the extra money and tips. Speaking of.” You tilt your head to the tips jar a few feet down with a smile on your face. “Let’s see if you pass this test.”

Jake chuckles to himself. “Oh, you’re good.” He places forty dollars in the tip jar and retakes his seat. “Pass?”

“You’re a smart man.”

“Well, you can thank my mother for the way I turned out.”

“Oh, a mama’s boy. Now, sometimes, those are good, and sometimes, those are bad. Which are you?”

“The one who knows when his mother gets appropriate credit and the one who knows when his mother should stay out of the conversation.”

“Where does that response fit in here?”

“My mother raised me to be a gentleman, so she can get credit for that if you believe I’m being a gentleman. If you don’t, then you can blame me for not retaining anything my mother said. But, my mother gets no credit for how attracted I am to you right now. Well, she gets the credit for telling me what to look out for when I see someone who’s one in a million.”

“And what did you look out for?” you ask, trying to hide how warm and flustered Jake is making you.

“To put it simply, you,” Jake responds, a grin on his face as bites the inside of his cheek. Endearing.

“You’re good at this, Lieutenant Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin; I’ll give you that,” you reply, a wide grin on your face. “I work Mondays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. Maybe I’ll see you around. Alas, I have to get back to work, but have a great rest of your evening.”

As Jake watches you walk away, there’s only one thing he knows for sure. You could either be his biggest heartbreak or his greatest happiness because, ultimately, Jake was already head over heels for you.

For you, I would cross the line I would waste my time I would lose my mind They say, "She's gone too far this time"

Following that first night when you and Jake first met, he always showed up on the nights you were working. It was a constant for the next few weeks. When you wouldn’t see him, you’d have to hide the disappointment on your face from Penny. She seemed to think that there’s something going on between you and Jake, but you’re just friends. It was a flirty relationship; that’s all.

“Jake is incapable of having any conversation with anyone without it being just a bit flirty,” you say, defending your friendship. It was two hours before opening, and you offered to come early to help Penny with the inventory.

“I don’t think he’s ever flirted with me,” Penny contradicts, knowing there’s more to the story, at least on Jake’s end. “And, I don’t think he’s flirted this much with anyone ever.”

“He hasn’t flirted with you out of respect for your daughter and because he doesn’t want you ringing the bell which forces him to buy the entire bar a round of drinks,” you defend.

“Speaking of the lover,” Penny mutters which has you rolling your eyes. “Hey! He just walked in.”

Quickly, you whip your head to the door, and you pretend your heart doesn’t flutter when you see Jake walk in.

“Hi,” he says, nervous. “I know I’m early, but I wanted to ask you something.”

“Oh, yeah?”

He nods. “We’re doing this volleyball tournament at the beach tomorrow, and I was wondering if you wanted to go? We can grab drinks or something after.”

You smile. “I’d like that a lot.”

And this now leads to Jake looking for you amongst the small crowd and hiding the sinking feeling in his chest when he doesn’t see you. You were coming, right? You’d be there, right?

Just as Jake is about to step out onto the sand court, he spots your familiar head of hair sitting among the crowd on the makeshift bleachers. He stares for a few moments before you sense his staring and turn to look at him. You send him your signature smile, and Jake’s knees wobble. Would that smile ever cease to make Jake’s entire body warm and pliant?

Quickly, though, Jake recovers and sends you a cocky grin before walking out onto the sandy court to start the game. He’s going to win. Not because Jake always wins but because you’re here. He needs to impress you and show you he’s the best. Sure, the need to impress you and prove he’s the best might be a bit primal, but whenever he’s around you, he can’t help but revert to those primal senses and insecurities. Jake can’t mess this up with you even if he’s not sure what it is. He keeps calling it a friendship, but was it truly a friendship when he knows he’d give you the world if you asked? Was it truly a friendship if Jake would drop everything if you called? Was it truly a friendship when Jake knows he’s in love with you even though he’s only known you for a few weeks? Whatever this relationship was, it was intoxicating, and Jake can’t get enough of you.

As the game begins and continues, Jake settles into the primal urge to show off. He’s serving and hitting harder than this friendly game ought to have. He’s digging and sliding to get the ball much more than he needs to. Sure, his reputation at Top Gun is also at stake if he loses, but it’s losing your attention that he’s worried about. He doesn’t want you to get bored because he’s losing. Once he thinks that, though, Jake immediately feels guilty because he shouldn’t think you’ll get bored of him if he’s not the best. He wants to be the best because he knows he’s the best, but he also wants to be the best to prove to you he’s worth it. He wants to prove that he’s worth the effort despite his former womanizer tendencies. Despite it being primal, he also wants to prove to you that he’s the best Top Gun pilot for you.

Jake unapologetically wants you, and he’ll do anything he can to show you that he’s worth the hassle.

Unsurprisingly, Hangman and Coyote win.

When they’re named victorious, the spectators and other pilots gather around the pair to congratulate them. Jake doesn’t want to be rude (and because he likes soaking in the glory), so he takes the hugs and handshakes, but he really, really, really wants to find you. He wants to see you and to ask you how entertained you were. He didn’t want you to have hated every second you were at the game, especially considering it was your day off from both working your day job and at the Hard Deck.

Despite looking very hard for you, he can’t find you. He’s scanning the crowd, and when it dissipates and you’re not there, his heart begins to beat wildly in fear that you found someone else who’s better than him (you were the only person that makes Jake realize that there are people better than him).

“She’s behind you,” Coyote says, nudging Jake and giving him a wink.

“Shut up,” Jake murmurs and turns to see you. “You made it!”

“You know I made it,” you tease. “You saw me before the tournament started.”

Jake’s face burns. “Did you like the game?”

“Yes, it was very,” you say but don’t finish. Jake can tell you’re searching for the right word to encapsulate what you’re trying to say.

“Very?” Jake asks, a shit-eating grin and a raised eyebrow adorning his face.

“Entertaining,” you breathe out, eyeing up Jake. He’s got you flustered.

Oh, right, he’s not wearing a shirt, and his shorts are fairly short, giving you a perfect look at Jake’s toned chest and muscular legs.

“Entertaining, huh?” Jake flirts. “Did you want me to turn in a circle slowly so that you can get a full picture of the entertainment?”

“That would be great, actually, thanks.”

Jake laughs and turns. He stops when his back is to you so that you get a look at his back. He can hear heavy breaths coming from you. Jake knows exactly what he’s doing, and if he’s lucky, so do you, and maybe he’ll finally have the guts to make a move.

Once Jake is facing you again, he says, “Besides this amazing entertainment, did you enjoy the game?”

“Most definitely,” you reply. “You’re pretty good.”

“I mean, with this body, it’s kind of hard not to be good at anything athletic,” Jake responds, his Texan voice coming in deep.

“I’d congratulate you with a hug, but I’m all sweaty.”

Jake shakes his head, hiding how much he’d love to hug you. “I’m probably more sweaty than you are.”

“Fair enough.” You noticed all his sweat. It most definitely didn’t accentuate all the muscles across his chest. In a quick motion, you wrap your arms around Jake and congratulate Jake on his win. Whispering in his ear, you say, “You played really well, and I’m proud of you.”

Jake can feel the vibrations of your voice deep in his stomach, and he has to stop himself from kissing you right there. His life depended on him kissing you right then and there, but it didn’t feel like the right moment.

“Did you want to grab a drink later?” he asks, not pulling away.

“Are you asking if I want to grab a drink at the place where I work?” you tease, also not moving to pull away despite the sweat on Jake’s body soaking through your shirt.

“I was going to say we can go somewhere else. I can pick you up in a few hours?”

“A few hours?” You pull back slightly and glance at his face.

“I’d like to head back to base to shower because, as you can tell, I’m all hot and sweaty.”

“I, um, live five minutes from here,” you begin, nervous. “You can come over and shower at my place, and I can make us dinner, or we can order something. I probably have beer in my fridge.”

“Are you okay with that?” Jake asks, not wanting to put you out.

“Yeah, I’m okay with that,” you answer, your hands running to his hair at the base of his neck. You tug on it slightly as you feel Jake’s hands tighten around your waist.

“Let me grab my stuff; I’ll be right back,” Jake all but growls. Primal instincts are strong in this one.

“Okay,” you whisper, wishing that Jake didn’t let go of you.

Once you and Jake are back at your small beachside house, you lead him to the bathroom.

“I only have one bathroom with a shower in it, so you’re going to see all of my products lining the bathroom,” you awkwardly explain. You mentally face plant. That was way too much information. Why did you give him all that information?

Jake can sense your nervousness, and it makes his heart beat faster. You’re just as nervous as he is right now, and it, somehow, made the whole situation more cozy and comfortable.

“You can go ahead and get in the shower, and I’ll grab you some towels. Feel free to use whatever products you want.”

“Thank you,” Jake tells you and watches you walk out of your bathroom and close the door behind you. He turns on the water and waits for it to get warm. Once it’s at the temperature he wants, Jake turns on the shower head and begins to undress. You must have thought that Jake was already in the shower because just as you open the door to place the towels on the bathroom counter, you see Jake step out of his boxers.

He’s naked.

His back is to you, but even his naked back is stupidly attractive.

As if sensing your presence, Jake turns his head. His face grows warm

“Sorry,” you apologize, before rushing out of the bathroom.

“Don’t be,” Jake yells through the bathroom before chuckling and hopping into the shower.

Jake Seresin was going to be the death of you if you couldn’t figure out how to handle yourself around him.

Don't blame me, love made me crazy If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right Lord, save me, my drug is my baby I'll be usin' for the rest of my life Don't blame me, love made me crazy If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right Oh, Lord, save me, my drug is my baby I'll be usin' for the rest of my life

Being the great bartender you were, you could sense someone approaching you for a drink despite your back to them. “Just one second, please,” you say, sorting and replacing some new glasses.

“I can wait,” the person says. “I could wait forever if you needed me to.”

Your head whips up, and a sly smile overcomes your face. “Lieutenant Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin.”

Jake smiles as you say his name and turn around. He cockily says your name before throwing you a grin.

“What brings you back to the area?” you ask, pouring Jake a glass of beer, still knowing exactly what his order is.

“I could say the same to you.”

“Work,” is your response as you slide the drink to Jake. “It’s on me.”

“I’ll take it,” Jake says, grateful. Once he takes a sip, he continues. “So, when you say work, is it the Hard Deck, or is it your other job?”

“Other job,” you respond. “I got transferred back to the office in the area, and my dear Aunt Penny asked if I could take over my old shifts because she needed the help, so here we are. Did Top Gun call and invalidate your graduation, and are they making you redo the program?”

“You and I both know that I’m one hell of a pilot,” Jake says, cockily.

“That didn’t answer my question, Hangman.”

“We’ve reverted to my callsign, now? I’m hurt.”

“You keep deflecting, so I’m going to assume you’re here to redo the Top Gun program.”

“The opposite, actually. I’m such an amazing pilot that they’ve asked me to come to fly a super important mission.”

“A dangerous mission, I take?” you ask, nervousness and fear lacing your voice. Your worry is a slap across the face for Jake. Were you worried for Jake, or was it just the normal amount of worry you’d exude when you heard what Jake just told you? Did he want you to be worried? If you were worried, was it a sign of something else? Was it possible that you still loved Jake?

No, he wouldn’t let himself go there. It would undo all the work Jake’s done over the past few years to forget about you and his love for you. He couldn’t undo all that progress.

“Yeah, you worried?”

“Believe it or not, I actually care about you.”

“Do you now?” Jake asks, a small smile on his face. He couldn’t help it. He was elated to hear that you still cared about him.

“I’m offended that you think I didn’t care about you.”

“I’m going to circle back to this point at a later date because I’m not in the mood to ruin this great reunion.” Jake didn’t want to tell you that when you rejected him on his graduation night, it broke him into pieces. Looking back, he understood why you did it, but it didn’t feel like you cared at the time. It felt like someone took his heart, slaughtered it, and didn’t bother putting the broken pieces back in his body. For the longest time, Jake was numb. His life consisted of flying and sleeping. He couldn’t allow himself to have a single ounce of time to think or else he’d throw himself into a depressive episode.

Jake wasn’t ready to delve into all that pain right now, and from what he could tell, it looked like you went through something similar and weren’t ready to delve into it either.

“Are you seeing anyone?” Jake asks, not sure if he wants the answer.

“I’m looking at you right now,” you say, knowing exactly what response Jake wants.

He snorts. “Are you romantically seeing anyone right now? Like, dating?”

“I’m not an idiot, Jake; I know what you meant.”

Jake’s heart gallops when he hears you call him by his name. He’s dreamt of it for years, and to hear you say it again seems too good to be true.

“Say it again,” he whispers.

“What?” you ask, confused.

“My name. Say it again. Please.”

“Jake.”

Just like that, all the wounds were healed. Everything was right in the world. You called him by his name, and suddenly, everything in the world was right. Somehow, you were back in his life, and everything made sense. Even if he never got to have the life with you that he always imagined, it was okay because you said his name again. He got to hear his name fall from your lips.

You were still his one in a million.

And he still loved you. And that wouldn’t ever change. That love isn’t going anywhere.

“I’m not seeing anyone, by the way,” you tell him.

“Neither am I, by the way,” Jake replies, slightly victorious to hear that you’re single. Maybe there was still a chance?

“I have to get back to work, but did you want to come over for dinner sometime?” you ask.

“Are you at the same place as before?”

“Yes, I am.”

Jake smiles. “I’ll be there.”

There’s nowhere else he’d rather be than right there with you.

My name is whatever you decide And I'm just gonna call you mine I'm insane, but I'm your baby (Your baby) Echoes (Echoes) of your name inside my mind Halo hiding my obsession I once was poison ivy, but now I'm your daisy

“I brought you a lemon tart,” Jake says when you open the door to your beachside house. The same one you were living in before you moved all those years ago.

“Hello to you, too,” you say, stifling a laugh.

“Hi,” Jake replies, embarrassed. You lead him into your house and take the lemon tart from him as he takes off his shoes. He quickly looks around and sees that it’s exactly the way it was when he was here the first time around. He points it out to you.

“Yeah, I actually didn’t sell this place when I moved,” you explain. “I couldn’t get a buyer to buy with a good price, so I just opted to rent it out, thinking I’ll eventually sell or move back.”

“And you moved back.”

“Yes, I did.”

“Was that always the plan? To move back?” Jake asks as you lead him into the kitchen.

“It wasn’t always the explicit plan, but I’ve always thought about it, yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were back in the area?” Jake asks. “I’ve been in the area for a while. I’m at the same place I was after I graduated from Top Gun.”

“Did you want me to call you, Jake?” you ask. This wasn’t how you wanted tonight to go, but you guess Jake has a lot on his chest he wants to let out. It made sense considering how the conversation went the last time you and Jake spoke. Well, the time before the previous night. You basically broke his heart. If he did to you what you did to him, you wouldn’t have wanted Jake to call you if the roles were reversed. Well, that was a lie. If the roles were reversed, you would have realized that it was for the best. You would have wanted Jake to call you because, after all, you never stopped loving him. How could ever stop loving someone as amazing to you as Jake? He always was your only one.

“I always wanted you to call,” Jake murmurs. “You just stopped calling me one day, and you have no idea how much that broke my heart.”

After Jake’s admission, neither of you says anything. You look away from him, knowing that if you keep looking at his heartbroken face, you’d start to cry. Instead, you opt to just continue making dinner. Jake, too, it seems doesn’t want to talk to you at this moment, but he picks a counter-stool to sit on and rests there. You can feel his eyes on you as you dice the onions.

It’s distracting. You want to know what he’s thinking. You want to know if he hates you for what you did (this was an absurd thought because you know he could never hate you and vice versa). You wanted to know how dangerous his mission was because after reconnecting, you know you never want to lose contact with him. You wanted to know if he was going to be in this area permanently. You wanted to know that even if he wasn’t in the area permanently if he’d be open to you going with him. You never wanted to lose Jake again, but it seemed like all you ever do when it comes to possibly have a relationship with Jake was ruin it.

“Shit,” you mutter when you feel the knife slice into the skin of one of your fingers. Jake’s eyes instantly bolt up to look at you, and his eyes bore into you as you rush to the kitchen faucet to run the cold water. In seconds, he’s up and by your side.

“What happened?”

“I was distracted and cut myself. I’m fine,” you say.

“You don’t look fine,” Jake points out. “Where are your bandaids?”

“Medicine cabinet in the bathroom,” you direct, and Jake’s sprinting to the bathroom. You can hear him rifling through your medicine cabinet; you want to tell him not to mess up your neatly organized cabinet, but you know he’d yell at you for worrying about the organization when you were basically bleeding out (he was always one for dramatics when it came to you).

“I can’t find them,” Jake yells.

“I’ll come to help you,” you yell back and turn off the faucet. You think you can make it to the bathroom without any blood dripping, but you’re wrong. “Actually, I’ll just stay here.”

Within seconds, Jake’s back by your side. “Do you have a dishcloth or something?”

“They’re all in the dryer,” you mutter and internally curse yourself for wanting everything to be clean for Jake.

In response, Jake rips off his shirt and hands it to you, and you go dizzy. You sway for a few seconds before Jakes wraps his arm around your waist to steady you. “Careful.”

“Then, maybe you should put your shirt back on,” you mutter. Yeah, it wasn’t the loss of blood making you act like this. It was the half-naked Jake Seresin standing in your kitchen.

“Shut up,” he mutters, embarrassed. He takes your hand away from the faucet and turns off the water. He wraps your finger in his shirt before ushering you to the bathroom. “Now, you can help me find your bandaids.”

“You do know I have paper towels, right?” you tease. Jake chuckles, and just like that, everything goes back to normal. You know Jake isn’t mad at you for the decisions you made, and Jake knows you regret your actions.

“I wasn’t thinking,” Jake defends. “I just thought you needed to have something to wrap your finger in, and my shirt was the first thing I could think of you.”

“You’ll do absolutely anything to get shirtless; won’t you?”

“Actually, you’ll do anything to get me shirtless,” Jake teases. “Not that I mind.”

You roll your eyes. “Yes, because I planned to hurt myself. That makes so much sense.”

Jake playfully shoves you and opens the medicine cabinet.

“Jake.”

“What?”

“My bandaids are right there,” you say, deadpanned.

“Oh,” he says, softly. “Again, I wasn’t really thinking. I was worried about you.”

“Well, now you know how it feels,” you say as Jake takes a bandaid from the box.

“What do you mean?” Jake’s eyebrows are scrunched together as he opens the bandaid and begins to wrap your finger.

“Every time you’re in the air, I worry. Somehow, even if you don’t tell me when you’re going to fly, I know and get worried. Before, when you used to tell me about when and how you flew that day, I’d know that the sudden burst of anxiety and worry I felt at the exact same time was about you.”

“I’m sorry,” Jake murmurs, finishing up placing the bandaid on your finger.

“Don’t apologize. It’s your job. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry if what I said and did all those years ago hurt you. I didn’t mean to, and I just thought it was what was the best.”

“Don’t apologize,” Jake echos. “At first, I didn’t see why you did it, but eventually, I realized you did the right thing in terms of us despite how much it hurt and how hard it was to get over you.”

“Mhm, same,” you echo, knowing 100% that you never truly got over Jake.

“And, now we’re friends, so it all worked out.”

You nod and don’t meet Jake’s eye. Friends. You’d pretend you didn’t love Jake. It couldn’t be that hard considering you’ve been doing it for the past three years.

“Now,” you say, feigning cheerfulness in hopes of changing the subject. “Should I do a load of laundry so that I can wash your shirt, or do you want to walk around half-naked for the rest of the evening?”

“Half-naked,” Jake responds, his Texan drawl coming out, and you can’t help but burst into laughter.

You’d figure out how to be friends with Jake and co-exist with how much you loved him because you weren’t letting Jake walk out of your life again.

And baby, for you I would (I would) fall from grace Just to (Just to) touch your face If you (If you) walk away, I'd beg you on my knees to stay

“Congratulations on graduating, Lieutenant,” you say, a soft smile on your face. Turning around, Jake slowly breathes out your name. “You have no idea how proud I am of you.”

“Thank you,” he whispers, a shy smile on his face. “Hey, um, I want to talk to you later tonight about something.”

“Oh, yeah?”

He nods, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. He’s nervous. He’s never been nervous before.

“Okay,” you tell him before pushing him towards his family. “Now, go celebrate, graduate.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he responds, his Texas features coming out. You can’t help the giddy smile that overcomes your face when he says that two-worded response.

Later that night, the Top Gun graduates and their families and friends are piled into the Hard Deck, celebrating. You’re talking to someone’s fiance as they tell you about how very soon the pilots would be getting their assignments and would be dispersing across the country.

“Do you plan on moving with your Navy partner?” she asks.

“I’m sorry?”

“Will you be staying where you live or will you be with going with them? If you guys get married before they’re due to base, then you can live off base with them.”

“I think you miss understood. I’m not with anyone here. I’m celebrating my friend’s graduation.”

“Which pilot?” she asks, eyes crinkling with confusion.

“Jake. Hangman.”

“That’s what I thought! Are you sure you’re not dating?”

“I think I’d know if I were dating someone.”

“True, but think about the benefits—” she’s interrupted by someone wrapping their arms around your waist.

“Is this a bad time?” Jake asks. You can hear his cocky grin as his mouth is low on your ear as he talks.

“Not at all,” she responds, smiling and giving you a curt goodbye.

In one swift movement, Jake turns you in his embrace and pulls you flush against his body. Your hands go to his chest, instinctively. His hands rest on your waist, and you feel his fingers comfortably rest against the curves of your waist.

He leans his head down and whispers in your ear, “can we go outside and talk, now?”

“Yeah.”

Jake places his hand in yours before pulling you out towards the beach. When you’re both far from the loud atmosphere of the bar, you and Jake stop walking, but he makes no moves to take his hand out of yours.

“So, I got my assignment, and I’m going to be staying pretty close by,” Jake tells you. “About a few hours drive.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jake responds, nervously. “Because of that, I was hoping, before I leave, I could take you on a date. Maybe we could test the waters? I’ve been crazy in lo—”

“I’m moving to Chicago,” you blurt out.

“What?”

“At work, I got transferred, and the opportunity is just too good to pass up; I leave in a month.”

“I leave around the same time, so maybe we could—” Jake persists, but you shake your head.

“No, Jake, we can’t.”

“But, I lo—”

Your eyes begin to water. “Please don’t finish that sentence. It doesn’t matter how strongly we feel for each other; it’s not going to work. We’re going to be on opposite ends of the country, and who knows if this position for you is permanent. I can’t do that to our friendship.”

“But, you can do this to our friendship? You can tear us apart and not let us try?”

“I’m sorry, Jake. It’s what’s best for the both of us.”

“No, you’re doing this because it’s easy. Don’t tell me you actually want to do this.”

“Good luck with this new assignment, and remember, I’m always proud of you. I’ll see you around, Jake,” you say, tearfully and walk away. In terms of logistics, it wouldn’t ever work. You couldn’t start something with Jake that you couldn’t ever finish. You wanted everything with Jake. You wanted the rest of your life with Jake, but in this situation, it just wouldn’t ever work.

It only sucked that you had to break both your and Jake’s hearts in order to come to this conclusion.

Don't blame me, love made me crazy If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right Lord, save me, my drug is my baby I'll be usin' for the rest of my life (Yeah, ooh) Don't blame me, love made me crazy If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right (Doin' it right) Oh, Lord, save me, my drug is my baby I'll be usin' for the rest of my life

“You’re here pretty early, Lieutenant Seresin,” Penny says when she sees the pilot walk in.

“Yeah, um, is—?”

“She’s in the back,” Penny answers, knowing exactly the reason why Jake was here.

“Thanks, Penny,” Jake responds and walks to where Penny said you were.

“Why, hello there,” you tease when you watch Jake walk in.

“Penny said I could find you in here,” he responds, his usual smile overcoming his face.

“So you’ve found me. What can I do for you?”

“Maverick wants us to do a football game thing tomorrow, and it’s going to be on the beach outside the bar, and I was wondering if you were going to be there?”

“Do you want me there?”

“I’d love for you to be there,” Jake responds, a teasing smile on his face.

“Then I’ll be there,” you respond.

This is how you found yourself sitting at one of the picnic tables outside of the Hard Deck with your computer open. The game happened to be while you were at your day job, so you opted to work remotely instead of going into the office.

It was all silly, watching them play, but you understood the motive behind the game and why Maverick asked them to do it.

As hard as you tried to watch all of the pilots, it was hard when Jake wasn’t wearing a shirt and his pants hung very low on his waist. The sun and sweat glistening on his body weren’t helping. Eventually, you closed your laptop, put on your sunglasses, and walked down to where the pilots were playing and sat on the sand and watched. Penny, at some point, joined you, too, but she seemed to be watching all the pilots whereas your eyes were completely on Jake.

Just like volleyball game all those years ago, he excelled at this variation of football. It made me wonder what other athletic strengths Jake had.

Once the game was over and everyone was chatting and drinking water, you and Penny made your way up to the picnic table. You haven’t had the chance to speak to Jake yet, but knowing him, he’ll find his way up to where you were.

As if knowing you were thinking about him, Jake runs up to you. “Hey.”

“Hey, back,” you reply, a wide smile overcoming your face when you see Jake.

“Did you have fun?” he asks.

“Eh, it was okay,” you say, feigning boredom.

“Is that so?” Jake asks, a cocky smile covering his face as he thought about his next actions.

“For pilots, I guess you guys were okay,” you say, committing to the charade.

“Oh, you’re so full of shit,” Jake says and picks you up.

“Jake Seresin, put me down right now!”

“I don’t think so,” Jake says as he begins to saunter down to the water as if he weren’t carrying another human being.

“Jake,” you warn.

“Yes, sweetheart? Is there something I can do for you?”

“Yeah, put me down, babe.”

“Not happening,” Jake says and throws you into the water.

When you come up to the surface and catch your breath, you grab Jake’s arms and pull him into the water next to you. For the next few minutes, you and Jake are splashing around in the water. You can’t help the laughter and smiles that overcome your face. It was so easy being around and with Jake. It made you realize just how easy it could be to have him like this all the time. You could so easily tell Jake just how much you love him. It could just slip right out, and everything would just fall into place, you know it.

“Okay, okay, I surrender,” Jake says when his stomach hurts from all the laughter and his pants are fully soaked.

“I accept your surrender,” you say and take a step towards Jake. You’re about to push him into the water when Jake grabs both of your hands and holds them up in mid-air.

“Don’t you dare think about it,” Jake warns, a twinkling overcoming his green eyes.

“I wasn’t!” you lie.

“Mhm, I know you better than that.” Jake takes your hands that are still in his and rests your hands around his neck before he places his hands on your waist and pulls you against him. “I think I like this better.”

“Me too,” you whisper, suddenly losing all ability to speak. Jake just has that effect on you.

You’re staring deep into his eyes, and it seems like he’s wrestling with something. What could he be thinking so intently about? Did he want to kiss you as much as you wanted to kiss him? It would be so easy to just lean your head up and close the space and kiss him. It would be so easy to finally get your lips on his; all it took was just moving your mouth a few centimeters—that’s how close you were to him.

You move your hand to brush the hair on Jake’s forehead to the side, and on instinct, your head moves closer to him. He was so close to you right now. It’s the closest you’ve ever been to Jake. You’re breathing in sync, and your eyes haven’t left each other. He’s right there, and if you nudge your head just a small centimeter closer, you could kiss him.

You’re about to kiss Jake when someone interrupts you two, causing you and Jake to pull your heads back from each other and break the intense eye contact.

“Hey, love birds, we’re heading back to base,” Rooster yells.

“Fucking, Rooster,” you hear Jake mutter to himself before Jake yells, “We’ve got plans, but I’ll see you back at base later.” Jake turns his head back to you, praying that you both could get back to where you were just seconds ago.

“Did you just invite yourself to my house?”

“Your water pressure is better than the Navy’s,” Jake begins, a grin on his face. “Your towels are softer, and your soap smells so much better. Your house is so much nicer than the Navy barracks.”

“So you’re friends with me for my household amenities?”

“I guess the homeowner is pretty neat, too,” Jake says, sincere and full of love. “Even when she’s walking in on me while I’m naked.”

“That was one time!”

“If you want to see me naked so badly, you can just let me know, and we can find a time and place that work for the both of us,” Jake flirts, joking but also slightly serious.

“Oh, shut up, playboy,” you say and lead Jake towards your car.

Jake wouldn’t admit it, but he’d do anything to hold you and have you as close to him as he did just moments ago.

I get so high, oh Every time you're, every time you're lovin' me You're lovin' me Trip of my life, oh Every time you're, every time you're touchin' me You're touchin' me Every time you're, every time you're lovin' me

“Are we all up for the Hard Deck, tonight?” Phoenix asks the group of pilots.

A chorus of yeses and cheers erupt from the room, Hangman’s being one of them.

“I’m surprised you want to go, Hangman, considering your girlfriend isn’t going to be working tonight,” Fanboy teases.

“It’s Thursday,” Hangman says. “She always works Thursdays, and she’s not my girlfriend.”

“Oh, that’s right, you’re fiance,” Phoenix corrects and elicits a round of laughter.

“She’s not working tonight,” Bob informs Hangman. “She told me it’s her job’s half-year, so she’s caught at the office trying to meet all her quotas and everything. She’s probably not working at the bar for the rest of the week.”

“Oh,” Jake says, pretending to sound indifferent. How come you told Bob your plans and not him? How come he didn’t know?

“Dude, you need to wife her up, like, now,” Rooster teases.

“We’re just friends,” Hangman growls. He never liked being the butt of the jokes, especially when it came to how much he loves you.

“Yeah, friends who’re in love with each other,” Phoenix adds on. “Dude, there’s literally no way in hell you two are ‘just friends.’ There’s definitely something else there between you two.”

“What?” Hangman asks, confused. As far as he was concerned, the love was one-sided, and you didn’t feel the same for him.

“Oh, yeah, she’s madly in love with you, too.”

“Mm, I don’t know.”

“Mm, we definitely know,” Rooster says. “Tell her you love her and then go to the chapel and get married. It’s obvious that’s what you want to do.”

Sure, that’s what Hangman wants to do, but he knows that you wouldn’t want a chapel wedding. You’d want something bigger and have all your family there. When Rooster mentions chapel and marriage, Hangman’s mind immediately goes to what it would be like to watch you walk down the aisle in a wedding dress. That right there sounds like what dreams are made of.

He always knew he wanted to be with you forever, but he never thought about marrying you. It was just you and Hangman would be together. It would be like two puzzle pieces fitting together and never separating, but now that the idea of marrying was there, Jake wanted it all. He wanted to “court you” and propose to you with the ring of your dreams, and he wanted to plan the wedding of your guys’ dreams, and he wanted to write vows about how much he loved you, and he wanted to have that first dance at the reception with you, and he wanted to do that thing where the couple smashes cake on each other, and he wanted to have the honeymoon with you. He wanted to buy a bigger beachside house with you and make memories in it together.

Jake wanted every single thing with you that it made his heart burst.

What would happen if he never got any of that with you?

Oh, Lord, save me, my drug is my baby I'll be usin' for the rest of my life (Usin' for the rest of my life, oh-woah-oh-oh)

“Put the blanket down over here,” you tell Jake. “I’m going to go inside and convince Penny to let me steal some beers.”

“Don’t get her mad at me, though,” Jake asks, a smile on his face. “I don’t need Penny not letting me get any more drinks. We like the Hard Deck over at the Navy.”

“I wouldn’t worry.” You pat Jake’s shoulder, teasingly. “I’ll tell Penny to open a tab for you.”

“Oh, come on!”

“Relax, babe,” you tease. “Penny loves me, and you’re one of my greatest friends, so I’m sure you’ll always be in her good graces as long as you’re in my good graces.”

Jake’s going to dive into the “babe” pet name in a bit, but for now, he’s going to let his heart grow at your words. “Do you want to shake on it or something?”

You kiss his cheek, gently. “I’ll be back in a few, so put out the beach blanket.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jake answers, his signature Texas drawl coming out. You’d be lying if you said his Southern accent didn’t instill butterflies in your stomach. In fact, the truth is, those butterflies are just as strong as they were on day one.

Playfully, you shake your head and walk towards the bar. When Penny watches you walk away from Jake with a wide smile on your face, she knows she’s going to have to interrogate you about it.

“So, you and Jake are getting pretty serious,” she teases.

“What?” you ask, confusion raking your body. You were still trying to get over the effects of having your lips on Jake’s cheek. Whenever you were around Jake, the haze he’d put over you was incomprehensible. Who gave this man the right for you to lose your sanity with just one smirk or two words? Right, your heart gave Jake the right to make you giddy.

“You guys spend almost every single free second together,” Penny points out. “When you’re taking up shifts here, Jake takes up shop wherever you plan to work that night. If I give you the night off, then you’re either seated next to him, between his legs, or on his lap. He never takes his eyes off of you. Have you two rekindled what you had before you left for Chicago for work?”

Your smile fades. You’ve still felt guilty about not trying a relationship with him. If these past few months have taught you anything, then it’s that you and Jake could have been so happy together. You and Jake could have so easily built a beautiful life together. You could have loved Jake and told him you loved him all this time instead of imagining what it would be like.

“I don’t know,” you say, voice fading. “We’re just friends.”

“Sure.”

“All those years ago, I told Jake that we couldn’t be together.”

“But?” Penny asks, wanting to pull all the information out of you.

“I love him,” you admit, forlornly. It’s a few moments before you say anything. “I thought I stopped and that I got over him, but seeing him at the bar a few months ago made me realize just how much I missed his stupid smirk, his stupid voice, his stupid, loving eyes, his warm hugs, his stupidly handsome face—”

“You missed him.”

“And, I love him. I never stopped, and I don’t know what to do.”

“I think you should tell him.”

You snort. “How about this? You tell Maverick you love him, and I’ll tell Jake I love him.”

“So, four beers?” Penny sidetracks, a smile wide on her face.

“Take it out of my paycheck, please,” you respond when Penny gives you the beers.

Holding the beer, you walk back out to the beach where Jake is sitting on the blanket.

“Does she hate me?” he asks as you sit.

“With a pretty face like yours, no one could ever hate you,” you tease.

“So you think I’m pretty?” Jake smirks.

“Oh, shut up. You know you’re pretty.”

Jake bursts out into laughter. He lifts his arm up, so you sit in the crook of his body where his shoulder and arm meet. He holds you close to him as you let yourself soak in his warmth. You’d never get tired of this.

For the next few hours, you and Jake sit like that, drinking and eating and hanging out. At some point, though, you and Jake ended up laying down on the blanket. Your head was resting on his chest as Jake’s arm was wrapped around your mid-abdomen and making small patterns with his hand.

“Well, anyway, yeah, when I was bored during spring break in middle school, I stared out the window for hours looking for woodchucks,” you explained, and Jake burst into laughter. “I even kept a log.”

“You’re so cute; I can’t with you,” Jake says amidst more laughter.

“Don’t laugh. I shared this in confidence; you’re not supposed to be laughing.”

“Okay, I’ll stop,” Jake says, eyes still crinkling in laughter. He tries, but within seconds, he’s laughing again. “You’re adorable, just remember that.”

Eventually, after your mortification dies down and Jake stops laughing, silence overtakes you and Jake. Your eyes are growing heavy, and as you listen to Jake’s heartbeat, you know you could easily fall asleep in Jake’s arms. You feel so safe in his arms that you know that as long as you’re in his arms, you’ll have the best sleep of your life. It’s so comfortable in his arms that you let your eyes close.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Jake murmurs. “If anything, it only makes me love you more, if possible.”

Your eyes shoot open. “What?”

“You’re awake?” Jake asks, fear in his eyes. “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

“Jake—”

Quickly, he stands up, brushes off the sand on his clothes, and says, “I’m going to go.”

“No, Jake, wait!”

He shakes his head. “I can’t take you breaking my heart again, so just spare me, please.”

With that, he walks away and back towards his car.

“I love you, too,” you murmur, tears prickling your eyes. Maybe you should have taken Penny’s advice and told Jake you loved him. That way, maybe your heart wouldn’t be breaking and shattering into pieces.

Don't blame me, love made me crazy If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right (Doin' it right, no) Lord, save me, my drug is my baby I'll be usin' for the rest of my life, oh-oh Don't blame me, love made me crazy (Oh-oh-oh) If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right (You ain't doin' it right) Oh, Lord, save me, my drug is my baby I'll be usin' for the rest of my life (I'll be usin', I'll be usin')

“Do you know if Jake’s coming tonight?” you ask Coyote when he comes up to you to grab a round of drinks.

“No,” Coyote replies, wishing he wasn’t the go-between between you and Jake.

“May I ask why not?”

“Because you’re working,” Coyote replies, bluntly. “Look, I don’t want to get in the middle of you two. I’m not sure what happened between you two, but if it’s anything like last time, then Jake’s absolutely devastated.”

“Yeah, and I’m not?” you say, incredulous. How dare he avoid the bar where you worked just because you were there? Then again, you’d probably have done the same thing if you were in his footsteps.

“I didn’t know you could break your own heart.”

“Okay, I’ll admit that the first time around, I ruined things, but this time, it’s on Jake.”

“What happened? Hangman won’t tell me anything.”

“He told me he loved me when he thought I was asleep,” you begin. “And when I was about to tell him I loved him, too, he walked away, thinking I was going to reject him.”

“I’m going to tell him that you’re not working tonight to try to get him to come out,” Coyote proposes. “Maybe you can finally admit it to him.”

“You’re the best, thank you! This round is on me, okay? Thank you!”

Coyote nods and takes the drinks back to his table before texting Jake. Within the half-hour, Jake’s at the Hard Deck and making his way towards his friends. When Coyote told you that Jake said he was going to come to the bar, you decided to hide away in the back so that he wouldn’t see you and leave immediately. Coyote gives you the go-ahead to come out and confront Jake. Nervously, you walk out from the back and over to where Jake and his friends were playing a game of pool.

“Can we talk?” you ask when you’re standing behind Jake. He freezes in place when he hears your voice.

“I thought you weren’t working tonight,” Jake spits out when he finally looks at you. The anger and pain directed at you make you falter. He deserves to be angry, but you’re only trying to fix what happened.

“Please, Jake,” you plead.

“I’m not in the mood for you to ruin my life again.”

“Oh, for goodness’ sake!” you mutter and grab Jake’s wrist and pull him towards the back door to the beach. You keep pulling him until you’re quite away from the bar. “What the actual fuck is your problem?”

“What’s my problem? I’m not in the mood for you to tell me you don’t love me again!”

“Again? When did I tell you I didn’t love you because as far as I can tell, I loved you from the moment I first met you!”

Jake takes a step back. “What?”

“I love you, you idiot, and I never stopped loving you,” you admit, your voice low.

“But what about three years ago? What was that?”

“You were right. I was taking the easy way out because I didn’t think the long distance was going to work, and I’m sorry for that. If these past few months taught me anything, then it’s that I’m a complete idiot, and we could have been so happy if I let you tell me how you felt all those years ago.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you love a few nights ago?”

“Because you basically ran away from me!”

“Fair enough,” Jake admits. He takes a step closer to you. “So, if I love you, and you love me, does this mean I finally get to kiss you?”

“Yeah,” you whisper and close the space between you and Jake. You wrap your arms around him and pull him towards you. Your lips crash onto each other’s as you both finally show the other how much you mean to each other. His hands roam the expanse of your body as you tug on his hair and move closer and closer to him.

Jake can’t get enough of you, and you can’t get enough of him. It’s going to take a comet falling from the sky to separate the two of you because, finally, after years of being absolutely in love with each other and many obstacles later, you and Jake finally figured it out.

Thankfully, though, you and Jake have forever to figure it all out because Lord knows neither of you is ever letting the other go.

I get so high, oh Every time you're, every time you're lovin' me You're lovin' me Oh, Lord, save me, my drug is my baby I'll be usin' for the rest of my life

MY HEARTTTTTT

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