I Found Me In You

i found me in you

pairing: seo changbin x afab!reader (x seo changbin)

warnings: selfcest (bincest! string-bean bin meets big boy bin), fingers in mouth, messy kissing, changbin x changbin homoeroticism wink wink, handjobs, threesome (fmm), fingering, double penetration (f), unprotected piv & anal sex (f), begging, cunnilingus, cum eating, all roads lead back to sub!bin because i’m me

a/n: for my love mikey @seolarenergy <3 thank you for the commission, for always being my changbin sounding board, n for being a lovely friend 2 me!!! i love u to bits forever n ever. this was just supposed to be bincest but it kind of turned into my own personal ode to how beautiful i think changbin is LMAO, but i hope i was able to portray that! anyways… in the wise words of foxy brown: “love yourself, put no one above thee, ‘cause ain’t nobody gon’ fuck me like me.” >:) enjoy! 🩷

you know this figure, and you know it well. 

it’s a shock though, coming home to find someone lounging on your couch. maybe you should change your door code, maybe you should get a guard dog. because all your cat has done is curl up in the man’s lap. he pets your cat’s silky-soft fur hesitantly, and you know without a shadow of a doubt he’ll have the sniffles later. 

it’s been a while since you’ve seen him, years in fact, but you’d know him anywhere. in the dark, with a blindfold. a moth to his flame. a black cap, an oversized, black t-shirt, dark wash jeans, and converse. the scar on his chin is more pronounced, and his shoulders take up less space. 

“changbin?” you breathe, voice nearly stuck in your throat. 

“yes?” they both reply. 

changbin’s just now walking through the door with your grocery bags, and he kicks the door shut with his foot. he bumps into your back because you haven’t even moved out of the entryway yet, and he’s not looking where he’s going anyway. 

he nearly asks again when he sees the bewildered look in your eyes, and his head follows your gaze to look into your living room. 

only to see himself. 

himself from nearly six years ago. 

the other changbin awkwardly lifts your cat from his lap and places her on the couch so he can stand up and take his cap off. he greets both of you with a shaky bow, baffled eyes looking back and forth from the two of you. 

“i- i didn’t know where else to go. eomma is at work, i just- the only other place i thought to try was here. i’m really thankful you still live here,” he says the last few words with a laugh, but you can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s genuinely relieved. 

you don’t know how he got here; you don’t know how this is even possible, but you rush forward to take him into your arms, leaving your changbin frozen completely in place and shocked in the doorway with his hands full of bags. he hugs you back right away and nearly melts in your arms. changbin still hugs you the same way, chin hooked over your shoulder and both arms curled protectively around your back in a way that always makes you feel safe. 

tears gather in your eyes before you can stop them, immediately hit with the wistfulness of nostalgia. changbin’s body is smaller, more angular. he wears the musky, woodsy cologne you vividly remember buying him for his eighteenth birthday. it’s a smell that suddenly takes you back to the days of sweet, stolen kisses on the seo’s balcony and the giddy hopefulness that your boyfriend would make it big one day. you tighten your arms around him, enveloped by the serene realization that the changbin you finally braved saying those three special words to all those years ago is in your embrace again. 

you’ve been in love with seo changbin since before you even knew what the word meant, what love entailed. ever since six year old changbin tiptoed into your bedroom with a tray of chicken noodle alphabet soup when you stayed home from school sick. he brought you your homework and a handwritten, barely legible get well soon card, and you knew he was something special. even when he tried to spoon feed you and accidentally poured soup all down the front of your dora pajamas. 

when you pull away, you cup his face in your hands. his eyes still sparkle the same way. 

“how are-? how are you here? are you alright?” 

“i’m okay, honestly just as confused as you,” he chuckles. he lets you grab his hands and entwine your fingers, holding them loosely between you. “we’re- we’re still together? i hoped. i prayed. ah, i’m so happy to see you. you’re still so beautiful it’s taking my breath away.” 

he’s still a sweet talker, and his words still make you blush. you don’t think that will ever change. the easy assuredness and honesty changbin always manages to portray has been present since early on, it just got stronger with age. the changbin you hold in your hands is confident and kind, just less comfortable with who he is. he’s finding himself, growing in more ways than one. 

“i feel like i’m interrupting something,” changbin giggles from behind you, finally unsticking himself from the entryway and depositing your grocery bags on the kitchen table. “was i always that smooth?” 

“not at all,” you reply, and you’re only kind of lying. even when changbin embarrassed himself in front of you, he managed to be charming. 

changbin pinches your ass when he walks up behind you, and the other one bites his lip before politely averting his gaze. 

you watch them watch each other, sharp eyes dueling and chests puffed. despite one of them being infinitely smaller, they both hold themselves steady and proud, two jungle cats ready to pounce. 

“aiiish, my past is really catching up with me,” changbin mumbles from behind you. he’s surprisingly calm about this, but you think it might be different if you weren’t here with him. after all, he always says you calm him down when he needs it the most. his grin is sly when he speaks up again. “i’m your hyung~”

“you-!” changbin sputters back. “i’m not calling you hyung. you’re just- you’re just an older me. come on, man.” another stare off, only broken by changbin reaching out a stocky hand to pinch at his younger self’s cheek before he turns around and heads for the bags on the table. 

“you’re hungry, aren’t you? we picked up pasta!” 

one heaping helping of aglio e olio and two stuffed boyfriends later, you and changbin both have to convince the little one to get out of the kitchen. your guest shouldn’t have to clean, and the poor thing’s always so used to washing the dishes. 

“hyung will do them,” changbin grins. “baby changbin has had a long day. you just go take a rest while the big kids clean up, okay?~”  

he rolls his eyes but looks at you for confirmation, eyes wide and sparkling as he waits in the doorway of the kitchen for your command. you shoo him out with a kiss on the cheek, pointing him towards your couch and your kitty that’s waiting patiently for his hesitant attention. 

only when you see him gingerly sit down on your sofa and run a gentle finger down your cat’s soft little head do you join changbin at the sink, pulling your sleeves up so he can wash the bowls while you dry them. 

he moves the bowl right out of your reach when you try to take it from his hands. 

“come sit right here and be cute, yeobo-yah. changbinnie can do it, i just need my cheerleader to give me some motivation.” he pats the counter with a soapy, pink, rubber glove covered hand, and you wipe the spot with a dish towel before hiking yourself up and sitting next to the sink like he said. the sweet, homey sounds of changbin humming while he cleans your dishes fill your heart with warmth. it doesn’t take him long, only three bowls, cups, and a pot, and he quickly washes and dries his hands afterwards so he can cage your legs against the counter with his strong arms. 

his t-shirt fits snugly around his shoulders, and his faded, lavender hair is curly and unruly. just how you like it. 

“have i ever told you how handsome you are?” you whisper. it’s your turn to cage changbin in, pulling him closer to your body by wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his strong waist. 

he tucks his face into your neck and kisses you slowly, lips only growing bolder when you toss your head back to give him more room. 

“mmm,” he hums. “maybe once or twice.” try hundreds. thousands. “could you tell me again?” 

you pull him back by his curly hair and press a short kiss to his round nose, his pouty lips. “you’re so handsome to me, seo changbin.” 

he regards you with hooded eyes, and you tap his lower lip with your thumb before curling it over his bottom teeth. he has such pretty teeth, white and pearly. you love how sharp his canines are, just like little lion fangs. 

“show me your tongue?” you ask through a breath, and changbin complies without batting an eye. he opens his mouth and your fingers make their way inside like it’s where they belong. the pads of your index and middle fingers rub softly back and forth on the slick muscle; his tongue is velvety soft and warm. changbin keeps his eyes on yours while you play with his tongue, slipping your fingers to the back of his throat and running along the ridges of his beautiful teeth. if you were to look down between your legs, you know you’d find him hard in his sweatpants. 

changbin keeps his tongue dutifully still while you play with it, and he doesn’t make a fuss when drool starts to slowly seep down his chin. 

when you kiss him, your fingers are still between his lips. it’s messy from the get go, and your fingers make it to where changbin can’t close his mouth. your tongues meet in the middle in a dance you’ve perfected over the many years you’ve been together. changbin tastes so good, a little bit like the pasta you ate for dinner and a lot like the love of your life. when your slick fingers slip out of his mouth, you bring them to the back of his head to tug on his unruly hair, and changbin pinches at your side with a muffled laugh. his hands pull you closer by the dip of your back, successfully scooting you to the edge of the counter so you’re pressed together tightly. 

a quiet gasp snaps you out of the moment, and you pull away slowly from your sweetheart’s lips, still curled around him like a koala. 

“fuck, sorry,” your special guest scrambles, immediately averting his eyes to the floor, but he doesn’t move from the doorway. 

you clear your throat, and changbin drags the collar of his shirt to his chin to wipe at his spit. 

“it’s okay, changbinnie. it’s just me. it’s just us.” 

he still looks hesitant, but he does finally lift his eyes from the floor to look between the two of you. 

“yah, i know you’re not shy right now! it’s nothing you haven’t done before! you must think i’ve forgotten how we used to kiss back then. you were probably sucking face before you got zapped here!” changbin’s voice raises in pitch, one hand on your thigh and the other wagging in the air dramatically. he’s embarrassed the two of you got caught in such a compromising position, even though you were only caught by him. 

you snort at his comment, shaking your head and covering your face with your hands. changbin’s right though, your little one has no reason to be shy when the two of you used to kiss just as sloppy. curled together on the couch in his fancy living room or snuggled up in his bed during an odd weekend off after his debut. your kisses were less refined and practiced, a messy mesh of tongue and lips and teeth, but making out with seo changbin has always been one of your favorite things. 

“i- we were not! i was just at the dorm. fuck, channie hyung is going to be so mad at me if i miss practice,” he groans. 

changbin backs up while you slip yourself from the counter. he holds your hips to help you safely down to the floor and then takes your spot by the sink when you move towards the doorway. 

taking changbin in your arms feels like second nature, even if this isn’t the body you’re used to anymore. he breathes in shakily, holding his breath for a moment before exhaling sharply. he won’t cry. anyone else might, given the circumstances. changbin has somehow been teleported six years into the future, lost and alone and scared, but you know he won’t let himself cry. 

“we’ll help you get back, don’t you worry,” you coo, petting his hair. “i love having you here with us, but i know you can’t stay. besides, i would miss you too much if you did. like, past me, i mean. your me? little me.” 

that pulls a smile out of him, and he squeezes your waist. you can’t help but smile too. the mere mention of the you he’s with has him grinning like he’s lovesick. you know the feeling well. 

changbin stifles a yawn behind you, heels drumming lightly against the counter drawers. “do you think pd-nim is behind this?” he perks up at his own question, staring the two of you down with serious eyes. “maybe he summoned a wizard to zap you into the future to see if stray kids would be successful or not! maybe pd-nim is the wizard. wah, i’m scared… i always said something was off about him, yeobo, didn’t i?! when you get back, you tell him to kiss my ass and that we’re doing just fine!” 

“i kind of want to tell him that anyway. but i’d get in trouble!” 

“hmm,” changbin hums. he opens his mouth again to rebuttal, but you cut him off before he can. 

“okay, big guy, let’s not get you fired from your dream job. maybe give him another year or two before he starts yelling expletives at the company executives. why don’t we wash up and go to bed instead? hey, yeah. i like that idea.” 

despite his hardheadedness, changbin’s too tired to put up a fight, always sleepy after a big meal and a busy day. he’s never liked to argue with you much anyway. he slides off the counter and giggles when you make grabby hands at him while still holding onto his younger self.  

past-changbin insists on being the last one to shower, and he toes at the rug beside your bed with uncertainty when he’s finished and clothed. the tank top he wears is too loose for his shoulders, changbin had pulled it out of your dresser for him, fabric worn and stretched from use. he holds the band of his new, loose boxers with pointy fingers to keep them from sagging, another hand-me-down from his older self. 

“are you really sure it’s okay for me to sleep in here?” he questions, and you press your lips together to fight the frown that’s forming. 

you and changbin have shared the same bed for years now, but you do understand why he’s asking. you aren’t necessarily his you. you are, but you aren’t, at the same time. you beckon him to the bed regardless, wanting the warmth of both of your sweethearts on either side of you. truthfully, part of you is so adamant because you don’t want him to be alone. if he’s going to be snapped back into the past where he belongs, you’d rather him do it while snug in bed with you, not on your bulky couch, alone and anxious in the darkness of your living room. 

when he pulls the blankets back and lays beside you, he’s as stiff as a board. his dewy skin barely touches you at all, so you reach in between you to hold his hand. you don’t want to pressure him or make him uncomfortable, but you’re reassured when he squeezes your hand and scoots closer to you. 

your other boyfriend, your current boyfriend, is already pressed happily to your side. changbin’s leg is thrown over your thighs, and his bulky arm is thrown over your stomach. he’s like a space heater, even more so with all the muscle weight he’s gained over the past several years, and he latches onto you like he can’t sleep any other way when he’s in bed with you. in all your years together, you really don’t know if he could. 

the only lights left on in your room are the fairy lights above your bed, and you can tell that the smaller body to your left has yet to fall asleep. all of his tells are obvious; his breathing isn’t deep enough and his legs haven’t twitched yet. neither of your boys are asleep. 

“is there something you usually do to relax before bed, changbinnie? something that helps you get to sleep?” you whisper into the silence of the room. 

“well,” he whispers back. “well, i-”

“i jerk off~” changbin sing-songs, high-pitched and filled with aegyo, right in your ear. he giggles when the other changbin groans dramatically. “what?! we do!” 

“do you?” you ask gleefully. realistically, this is something you already know. changbin has told you in vivid detail what he got up to on his own whenever you weren’t with him. past, present. he’s bound to tell you in the future too. all you have to do is ask. you turn over on your side so that you can face him, and changbin makes another high pitched, throaty sound when he cuddles closer behind you to spoon, tugging you by the hips so your bottom is pressed snugly to the curve of his crotch. 

“i mean- i mean, yeah!” he laughs. little changbin rubs at his eye with a tired fist. “or you do it instead. sometimes, when we can.” 

“i help you out a lot, don’t i?” 

“not as much as we’d both like.” 

you grin at his answer, and you can even feel changbin behind you hiding his own sly smirk in the nape of your neck. your room is getting toasty, and not just because you’re surrounded by two warm bodies. 

“omo, we’re so smooth. no wonder you like us so much.” 

before you can reply, he kisses your neck again. slowly, deeply, just like he did earlier in the kitchen. it makes your eyes flutter, and the smaller man watches in awe. it’s his turn to roll onto his side; he faces you completely now, cupping your hands in his and watching the scene unfold before him with rapt attention. 

“i can help. i can still help, if you want me to,” you breathe. you’re nearly dazed; changbin’s endless kisses to the skin of your sensitive neck always have that effect on you, and you can tell the sight is working up the younger man before you as well.  

he presses closer to you without a word, angling his hips up so you can slip your hand into his boxers. changbin’s mouth opens on a gasp, but the noise that leaves his throat is gritty rather than the high pitched coos and whimpers you’re accustomed to him making now. his jawline is so sharp you can’t help but lean forward to kiss him, licking languidly up his jaw until you’re suckling at his earlobe and flicking your tongue at the dangling hoop earring in it. 

there are so many hands roaming. you can’t tell which changbin is gripping your thighs or fondling your tits through your sleep shirt, all you know is that his hands always touch your body perfectly. you reckon both of your hands would be just as restless if you didn’t have one shoved in changbin’s underwear. but the other. the other is frantically reaching behind you to knead at changbin’s hulking arms, grip his tight ass. it’s moving forward just as frantically to massage the other’s flatter chest, feel the smaller, bulging muscles in his arm. 

changbin’s cock is slick with precum and deliciously, mouthwateringly fat and short in your grasp. your fingers barely touch when they’re wrapped around him, nothing has changed about that, and you can feel his coarse pubic hair whenever your fist glides down his base. 

he’s relatively docile while you stroke him, content to lay still and let you have your fun. he’s not submissive. not yet, he hasn’t let himself be. 

he stiffens though when another hand joins yours on his body, this one veiny and thick. changbin reaches across you to run his hand up his younger self’s thigh, feeling the clammy skin and dipping the tips of his fingers underneath the loose legs of his boxers. 

“oh, f-fuck, isn’t this- isn’t it weird?” he grimaces. changbin’s hand squeezes his little thigh in response. 

“it’s alright to let yourself feel, i promise. i’m just you, and yeobo is yeobo. who better to feel with?” changbin answers, as reassuring and wise as ever. 

the younger man has no idea the half of that yet, no idea of the steps he’ll take in the future to truly and fully love the body he’s blessed with. it was beautiful to be a part of, changbin’s journey in finding himself, in loving himself. it was just as beautiful, too, to watch as changbin slowly began allowing his body to feel the pleasure it so desperately desired. he’s always deserved it, to experience pleasure so all encompassing and fulfilling that it brought tears to his eyes. 

if you were to tell him now, you think your baby changbin would hide away in disbelief at the fact that just six years down the road, he willingly sits in front of the full body mirror on the back of his bedroom door and touches himself. he watches while he rubs gentle, calloused hands over the swell of his chest and his puffy, brown nipples, over his toned but soft stomach. his thighs get love before his cock ever does; he spreads his legs so he can trace his stretch marks on his inner thighs with the tips of his fingers, beautiful, evident signs of his consistent hard work and dedication. he lets himself moan while he explores his body, a sweet, singing falsetto, unbridled and unashamed. he’s utterly free. 

changbin gulps, but he nods nonetheless, relaxing into the pillows under his head and letting the two of you have your way with him. your wrist is starting to ache where it’s caught under the band of his boxers, and he lifts his hips when you tug on it so you can pull them down his thighs. 

your fist finds its way right back to changbin’s thick cock, jerking the tip until his precum makes your movements squelch obscenely. 

“there you go, listen to that,” you coo, and he opens his mouth to speak but closes it quickly instead, squinting his eyes shut tightly. 

“ask for what you want, aegi,” changbin implores. “you don’t ever have to be scared to ask here.”

changbin nods again, but it takes him a minute to get his bearings straight. your hand moves adeptly on his cock, and he can barely focus enough to get the words to come out of his mouth. your darling boy’s never been one to multitask. 

“wetter. wetter, please, just a little. can you-?” 

you’re about to try and wiggle your way to your nightstand to grab the lube in your top drawer, but changbin beats you to it. instead, he props up on his palm and leans over you, spitting directly down onto the hard cock that peaks slightly through your grip. with so many years together under your belt, you already know what changbin is thinking when he gets that determined look in his eye.

he doesn’t push your hand out of the way, but you move in tandem together. yours slinks down from the head, to the base, and further down to his heavy balls so you can fondle those instead, while changbin’s thick fingers take the place of yours on the tip of the other man’s cock. his spit is oozing down the side of the crown, and he smooths his fist down tightly to start polishing his dick like only he knows how to. 

“holy shit,” changbin grunts, overwhelmed with the feeling of two different hands on him. 

“it’s good, isn’t it?” he asks, and the sly smirk on his face makes your cunt pulse. changbin is so sexy when he’s confident.

his movements are rough and quick, just how you know he likes the best, and it has the little one’s eyes rolling. his legs twitch harshly at a particularly nasty twist of his wrist, and you throw one of your legs over his so your thighs press together. changbin’s hand looks so good on his cock; you already knew it did, and so do yours, fingers kneading and squeezing diligently at his heavy sac. 

the sight is positively mesmerizing. so similar to what you’re used to yet so different at the same time. you know that changbin’s expert grip is going to make him cum soon, but you’re suddenly struck with another idea that hopefully the other two will enjoy just as much as you will.

“do you wanna fuck me?” you ask, eyes locked on changbin’s face. he’s pink with exertion, sweat dotting his angular face and chest heaving in pleasure. changbin slows his fist on his cock, ultimately pulling his hand away to tug harshly on his bush of curly pubic hair, successfully making him twitch again. 

“always, i always do,” he wheezes. 

“that will never change,” changbin smiles back, and the look he gives you is tender before he ducks his head to give you a kiss. it’s a sweet kiss, close-lipped and short, until changbin’s sticky fingers make his way to your lips. he pulls away for a moment, opening his mouth and breathing out a soft ahhh for you to copy, and the second your mouth falls open his fingers slide inside. the taste of his precum is bitter and strong, changbin’s diet back then was much different than it is now, but you suck on his fingers dutifully, even sensually licking up his palm to catch more of his musky taste when you’re done. “showing our baby changbin just how naughty you really are, huh?” 

changbin’s leaning over you, so you use your strength to flip him onto his back and straddle his lap. he’s such a strong boy, so brawny and powerful and sturdy, but it’s all for show in bed. changbin always happily lets you maneuver him however you want, and this time is no exception. 

your little one looks at the two of you in awe, staring wide-eyed at your new position on the bed. you wiggle your hips when you notice his eyes slip to your ass. your sleep shirt has rucked up your back, so your bottom is only covered now by a pair of old, cotton panties. changbin catches on quickly too, all too used to having his attention drawn to your ass, and he brings his hand to your cheeks before slowly sliding the band of your panties down down down. 

you have to lift onto your knees and then awkwardly onto your toes for him to fully take your panties off, but you know neither of them are thinking about how silly you must have just looked. changbin cups underneath your cheeks with both hands again, spreading them until you’re gasping and arching your back. 

the other changbin sits up abruptly to watch, angling his head towards your ass to see the way you let yourself be groped by his hands. 

“which hole do you want?” you ask. 

he balks, and his voice pitches up an octave. “t-that’s something you like? we-! we- um, we do it like that? s-sometimes?” 

“we do it a lot of ways,” changbin grins. “but yeobo-yah likes it, don’t you? having this tiny hole stretched?” 

and changbin poked harmless fun at you for being naughty in front of your guest. he’s just as bad! he’s posturing, eagerly trying to show his other self all the things he has to look forward to with you.   

“i like it a lot. you’re a big stretch,” you say, and you can’t help but giggle giddily when changbin just blinks rapidly in response. “do you wanna try it?”  

“i- yes, but. but we haven’t… i haven’t done that- um. i haven’t done that with you yet. in- in my time. i don’t- i want- fuck, i think i want to save it.” 

you and changbin both coo at his answer. it’s silly, but it has your eyes stinging a little bit, throat tightening up when you think about all of the things you get to share with changbin. all of your firsts together. he’s a good man, a good person, and you’re so unbelievably lucky to love him in this life of yours. past, present, and future. 

you’re pulled out of your reverie when changbin rolls you over. he’s got you on your side, and he curls up behind you to spoon just like he did earlier. the only difference is that this time, changbin grips you by the thigh and lifts it up so that you’re spread open. 

“you’re well acquainted with this though, right?” he asks, reaching down to thumb at your glistening cunt, and his other self nods so eagerly that his hair bounces. 

both of their hands are on you before you can blink. one changbin circles desperate fingers over your clit while the other teases at your rim. when did he even get the lube? being sandwiched between the two of them feels so right, there isn’t anyone you’d rather be with more. they have magic hands, magic lips. changbin, the one behind you, noses softly at your ear and sucks the lobe into his mouth while he stretches your ass with one thick finger. the one before you buries his face between your t-shirt clad breasts before kissing up to your neck. his fingers slip and slide over your clit, only pausing his motions to crook a finger into your cunt. 

“changbin,” you moan, unrestrained and pitiful. 

“yes,” the younger one moans back. “yes, do you feel good?” he slips another finger inside you. changbin fucks you diligently with two, right down to the bony knuckle, twisting and curling his fingers just right to have your cunt drooling rivulets down to his wrist. 

his fingers are just as diligent in your ass. they’re thicker, much like everything else on the body of your changbin, but he’s still as gentle as ever until you start rocking your hips back onto him for more. 

“greedy bunny,” he coos, promptly stuffing you with another finger. 

you can barely breathe between them, uninhibited moans float so freely from your open mouth that breathing becomes a second priority. their fingers prod inside your body, three in each hole, you’re stuffed full before they even fill you with their fat cocks. they’ve got you so soaked that you know you’re wetting the sheets underneath you, your thighs must be slick to the touch. 

a particularly toe-curling crook of changbin’s fingers in your cunt has your moans catching in your throat. the only noise in the room now is the heady squelching of your cunt while his fingers batter that special little spot inside you. it’s so loud that your cheeks heat up and your eyes squeeze shut.

“hm? what was that?” changbin leans over your shoulder and addresses your talking cunt, smiling down at you teasingly. the addition of changbin’s small pinky into your asshole has a shrill squeak peeling from your throat, and you throw your hand back to grip his hair while the other searches for the younger’s arm. 

“fuck me, fuck me! f-fuck, both of you, please. get- get your dicks out, get naked.”

with everyone’s sweaty clothes now shed, you find yourself with your back pressed to changbin’s warm, sturdy chest. he’s reclined against the pillows and holding your thighs steadily in his hands, spreading them wide so the younger man can settle between them. they both steady you when you sit up slightly to press his slick cock to your rim, grinding against the fat, mushroom tip.

“beg me to put it in,” you breathe. you toss your head back against his shoulder and wait. 

it doesn’t take him long; it never does when you ask him for something. demand something. 

“please,” he starts. he’s plenty strong enough, he could have his way with you in a second. if he wanted to hold you still and bully his cock inside your hole, he could, but he won’t. it’s better when he works for it. “please. please, have i been good enough? binnie needs it, i really do. i want to make you cum so bad. please let me try? i’ll work really hard.” if you were to turn your head, you know you’d be met with those sweet, shining, earnest eyes of his. 

instead, you look up towards the other changbin and see him watching you with dumbfounded eyes. a look of wonder, almost. you watch him as you sit up again, finally pressing changbin’s thick cock into the tight ring of your rim. it pops inside and you jolt, mouth opening in a silent moan while you sink further down on him. they both hold you steady while you do; you’re not going anywhere. 

“t-thank you! thank you, yes. yes, you’re so good to me,” he whimpers, babbles. “my treasure, you’re- oh, you’re so pretty. so pretty inside t-too.” 

changbin shuffles forward on his knees, bumping your swollen clit with the tip of his cock. he’s not looking to put it inside yet, just giving your sweet little clit some much needed stimulation while you adjust to the other’s thick cock stretching your ass. he grinds against you like that, pressing his dick against your slit fully and rocking against it. 

your eyes flutter when you look at him again, and he’s already watching you with half-lidded eyes. you nod your head, reaching your hand down to guide his cock to the slick hole of your cunt.

“me- me too? can i put it inside too?” 

you cry out immediately listening to him beg. you know this one isn’t used to it yet, and it’s a beautiful start. you didn’t ask him to beg, you weren’t even going to, but he wanted to. he’ll get there before he knows it. 

“please, i want you inside too, changbinnie,” you say, biting your lip and fluttering your eyelashes. it’s a low blow, one you know will get him worked up right away, and he grips himself in his fist and presses slowly inside the slick heat of your pussy. 

it’s almost like the world stops turning when they both fit fully inside. the fiendish part of your hindbrain wonders if they can feel each other's cocks inside of you, only separated by so little. they’re both completely still, selflessly letting you adjust to the overwhelming fullness of them inside your body. when you give them the go ahead, heat bursts in your stomach right away. it’s nearly an earth shattering feeling, having their hips snapping against you gently and fucking you together. changbin’s ability to use his hips has always made you see stars, even early on in your sexual relationship. it’s no different now, the only difference now is that the feeling is doubled. 

changbin’s strong hands move from your thighs to your breasts, cupping them lightly in his hands so he can feel the way they bounce while you’re fucked on top of him. 

you’re moved between them expertly; the momentum from the two men, one above, one below, fucking you perfectly on their cocks makes your head bob dazedly against changbin’s shoulder. you want to cum so bad, everything about tonight has worked you into a frenzy, and you want them to cum just as desperately. 

a sneaky clench of your cunt has both men moaning. 

“oooh,” changbin coos underneath you, a cute, nasally little thing. he’s just as loud as you are, if not louder, but that’s just how you want him. it took a long time for changbin to become comfortable with the noises his body makes naturally. he doesn’t have to groan or grunt or speak ruggedly into your ear for you to think he’s sexy, for him to think he’s sexy. “clenching binnie s-so tight, you’re gonna make me burst!” 

your other changbin isn’t faring any better, just as lost in pleasure as his other self is. 

“if you keep that up i’ll cum,” he grits, and his jaw clenches when he speaks. “i’ll cum, i’ll cum, y-yeobo. yeobo.  

you want him to. you want them both to, so your hand flies down to rub your clit in tight little circles to egg them on. you clench involuntarily now, cunt pulsing randomly when your fingers rub just right. having two cocks inside feels unreal. you’ve dabbled in it before with changbin, a small, white, confetti sprinkled dildo filling your ass while changbin’s cock fucked your cunt raw, but two real cocks is something else entirely. 

two real cocks, both belonging to your life partner, your soulmate. his cock isn’t nearly the longest, but it feels like he’s in your guts, carving a place just for himself inside your body. he’s in your throat, he’s in your lungs, he’s all you feel. 

the little one cums first, pulling out of your pussy at the last possible second so he can jerk himself off and cum on your clit. he never cums inside. that takes time too, always a gentleman and always precautious. 

one changbin down, one to go, but you know it won’t be long with how high pitched changbin’s moans have become. he’s crying out on every exhale, every thrust inside. it’s addicting.

“please,” he begs again. “please, i want you to cum first!” 

you ultimately think he’ll beat you to it, but the younger man takes that as a challenge. changbin is still between your legs, and he leans down until he can lick sloppily at your messy clit. it’s covered in his bitter cum, but he doesn’t care, he licks and sucks on it like his favorite candy, and your thighs are clenching shut around him before you know it. he focuses right on your clit, speedy little tongue flicking noisily at that special button that always makes you squeal when he licks fast enough. 

it’s pivotal, the orgasm they give you. changbin’s cock is buried deep in your ass and his tongue is flicking away at your sensitive clit. a jarring, animal-like wail pierces your ears, and it takes you a moment to realize that the noise is coming from you. 

“pleasepleaseplease,” changbin chants, eyes on the prize now that you’ve cum on his cock. “have i done well? can i cum, please? please, can i cum?” he nearly dislodges you with the force of his thrusts against the backs of your sticky thighs, but his hands hold you readily in place. 

“cum for me! cum inside, you deserve it. baby, you always deserve it.”

changbin listens well, and he cums inside your ass with another cry, thighs shaking underneath you as he pumps you full of his warm cum. when he’s done, he rolls you back over onto your side. his slick, softening cock slips from your ass while he does, and the three of you lay there breathing heavily. you’re all going to sleep well tonight. after you take another shower. 

when you blink your eyes open, little changbin is already looking at you with a downturned smile on his handsome face. 

“can- i mean, we just fucked like that, but i haven’t even kissed you yet! i’m such a fool,” changbin laughs. “can i give you a kiss?” you giggle back. his laugh and his smile are always infectious, and you pull him in by the back of his neck for a sweet kiss. it’s still sweet even when your tongues curl together, sweet when changbin hums contentedly against your mouth. his pointy fingertips brush gently against your bare back, and you shiver. your nipples are growing hard against his naked chest. 

when you part, your lips smack wetly, and your boyfriend is quick to take your place. he rolls the little one onto his back and throws a leg over his waist, cupping the back of his neck to keep him still. they look at each other for a moment before their lips press together. it starts off slow, gentle smacks of pink, plump lips. changbin’s bottom lip is so fat, and it’s such an erotic sight to see the two of them kissing, see changbin kissing himself. his lower lip slots perfectly between the other’s top and bottom. the kiss grows bolder the longer they go, and your fingers slip between your legs at the first hint of tongue. you’d be crazy if you didn’t. changbin licks dauntlessly into his younger self’s mouth, lapping sensually at his slick tongue and sucking on his plump bottom lip. shaky fingers curl over his broad shoulders; their hips slowly begin to rock against each other’s, soft, sensitive cocks frotting messily between them. 

changbin pulls away from him for a moment, nuzzling his nose against the younger man’s, but the sweet gesture is paired with serious eyes. “yah. yah, everything is going to be okay, aegi. do you hear me? i promise you.”

something tells you he won’t be here when you wake up, but the pang of sadness you instantly feel is soon replaced by comfort, an easy acceptance. changbin will wake up safe and sound in his bed. he’ll go home and grow, learn about himself and mature in every way he needs to. it will take years; he’ll stumble every now and then, but you know from experience that he’ll come out triumphant on the other side every time he gets back up. 

you’ll be there every step of the way.

LEE KNOW The Kitten Interview

This is the last post I will be making on this topic. Since gimmeurtmi is back and posting again, here is yet another reminder for you that she is a Zionist. She is trying to spin the story and claim that people are witch-hunting her for being Israeli, which is just another excuse to deflect from her disgraceful behavior. Since she wants to say that we are spreading misinformation, please look at the screenshots in the link. These are screenshots of posts SHE made herself. Not my words, just hers. Read her posts without any of my commentary, and come to your own conclusions about her beliefs. Her posts speak for themselves.

((More below))

She can say she's Pro-Palestine all she wants, but her actions do not reflect that. I can't prove if she is attending peace rallies like she says she is, but what we do know is that the things she says and does are in direct contradiction of this. Please look at the tags of the original callout post and see the sheer number of bloggers (including other authors) she had blocked for being Pro-Palestine. She claims she blocked people for being Anti-Semitic, but what she perceives as "Anti-Semitic" is anything Anti-Zionist. The testimonies from people who used to follow her and used to be very close friends with her all say she is a very manipulative person who always makes herself the victim. She has repeatedly made Zionist posts, deleted them, pretended to change her views, post "Pro-Palestine" things, then go back and show her true colors once the accusations blow over. She had reblogged fundraisers for Rafah weeks ago on her blog @stuckonspidey after being called out that are now nowhere to be found. She is a liar and a manipulator who has repeatedly said things that contradict her actions just to save face.

If she's Pro-Palestine, why does she make posts sympathizing with the IDF? Why does she support the occupational force that kills Palestinians for fun, undresses hostages to humiliate them (including CHILDREN), beats hostages to death with hammers in their captivity, disguises themselves as HUMANITARIAN AID to kill hundreds of refugees, takes pictures with hostages/dead bodies and posts them on social media, steals Palestinian women's underwear and takes pictures with it after killing them/ransacking their houses, targets journalists and humanitarian aid workers, straps injured Palestinians to their trucks and uses them as human shields? This is the army that fired 355 bullets at the car that 6 year old Hind Raghab was in while she was surrounded by her dead family members, KNOWING she was in there. They are a depraved, violent occupational force that kills and tortures civilians, and one of the most basic pillars of being Pro-Palestine is opposing the IDF. You cannot be Pro-Palestine and have sympathy for the army that is killing and oppressing them. You cannot say you stand for Palestinian liberation and peace, yet mourn for their oppressors when the resistance fights back. There is proof all over the internet of the IDF's war crimes because they post it themselves. Here are a few links if you don't believe me. LINK LINK LINK LINK. Please research it yourself, too. You'll find no shortage of it.

If she is Pro-Palestine, why does she refuse to acknowledge it as a genocide? Why does she call it a "war"? Why does she call the International Court of Justice's decision to take Israel to court for its war crimes "questionable"? If she believes what Israel is doing is wrong, why would she criticize it being held accountable for its crimes against humanity? If she is Pro-Palestine, why would she call an Israeli propaganda movie that paints Arabs as barbaric savages her all time favorite and complain that it's getting RIGHTFULLY negative reviews for its blatant racism, glorification of war criminal Golda Mier, and historical misinformation? Her excuse was that "she posted about a movie because she likes movies." That is an absolutely pitiful reason and being deliberately obtuse to distract from the actual issue. When you say it like that, of course it sounds harmless, but the CONTENT of the movie matters. For example: Would you call "The Birth of A Nation", a disgustingly racist white supremacy propaganda movie your favorite? Absolutely NOT. And if you did, people would rightfully question you for that. If she's Pro-Palestine, why didn't she boycott LMB when there are two Zionists on it? One of which (Johnny Goldstein) is a former IDF soldier and attends Pro-Israel events? If she's Pro-Palestine, why would she use the well-known Zionist talking points, conflating Judaism with Zionism, and saying that when people say "Zionist" they really mean "Jew"? If She's Pro-Palestine, why would she have such an issue with Stays trying to inform Felix about the Coca-Cola boycott and say they are bullies? Do you notice a pattern here? Her labeling ANY attempts at calling out Zionism to be "bullying" or "Anti-Semitic"? This is the exact rhetoric Zionists use. Once again, she can say she's Pro-Palestine, she might even actually believe that she is, but her behavior does not reflect this. Saying "My posts aren't Anti-Palestinian because I'm not Anti-Palestinian" proves absolutely nothing. Someone who can't even call the genocide a genocide is not an ally to Palestine.

She continues to hide behind "Anti-Semitism" despite me and many of my friends who called her out being Jews or of Jewish ancestry ourselves. If you look through my blog, you will see a majority of my posts are dedicated to dismantling the idea that Jews = Zionists. I have worked so hard in my community to do this in real life, and it's incredibly frustrating to see her perpetuating this harmful stereotype when us Anti-Zionist Jews are doing everything we can to separate Judaism from Zionism. She is also saying we are racist against Israelis, which is an absolutely ludicrous claim. Israeli is not a race, just like American isn't a race. Israeli is a Nationality. 75% of Jewish people are Ashkenazim, meaning European/White, and about 50% of Israelis are White. Nationality =/= Race. Her claims of racism are, again, her using terms of discrimination to distract from her blatantly Zionist posts.

Furthermore the claim that we are attacking her simply for being Israeli is not only wrong, it makes no sense. I was not aware that she was Israeli before suspecting her of being a Zionist. A huge chunk of Zionists are actually Western Christians who support Israel for Anti-Semitic reasons, and I would NEVER sabotage a fellow Jew for their identity. I went out of my way to emphasize this in the first post. Gimmeurtmi was called out for Zionism that me and several other people in the community recognized, point blank period. We are not "painting her in a specific light", we are bringing attention to harmful, dangerous things SHE said. If I presented her posts to you without commentary, even in context, you could come to the same conclusion. The original callout post was edited many times with many additions as new screenshots/information came forward, and it was through the comments from other people talking about their experience with her that we found out that she was Israeli and had made those Anti-Palestinian posts on October 7th (which she deleted). It was her thinly-veiled Zionism that originally raised our suspicions, the knowledge that she's Israeli came after.

I know gimmeurtmi will continue to see herself as a victim no matter what. I know she will keep pretending she's being attacked for her identity just as all Zionists do. This post is just to disprove her accusations that we called her out on the basis of "racism", when the callout for her was a result of HER racism herself. I never had any problem with gimmeurtmi before she blocked me, I enjoyed her fics and looked up to her, as many others in the community did. She gave me no reason to dislike her before this. The only reason my friends and I put that post together was because we felt it was imperative that someone like her, who uses her SKZ blog to normalize Zionist ideology amidst a genocide, gets de-platformed. I cannot tell you what to believe, but I urge you to be careful and understand what a manipulative person she is. I urge you to read the screenshots of her posts for yourself and come to your own conclusion.

sigma kappa zeta’s howlin’ holiday hunks: annual male calendar!

pairings: skz x afab!reader, established chan x afab!reader

warnings: college au, frat skz, chan is referred to as chris, chan is indulgent and loves to see his friends flirt with u <3, korean lingo in an american frat fic bc i said so, alcohol (nothing crazy!), skz homoeroticism, mxm moments, blindfolding, unprotected sex, daddy kink, exhibitionism, voyeurism, dirty talk, breath play (choking), circle jerk, blowjobs, handjobs, spit kink, cum kissing, cum cum cum and more cum!

w/c: 14k!!!

a/n: happy comeback day my babies!! waa, ty my sweet lola for trusting me with another commission, this time to finish any of my wips!! this started off as just a channie fic, but i thought it would be more fun to add all the members! anyways, if some of the months seem goofy… that’s the point! it’s a thirsty male calendar lol. as always, enjoy!! pls let me know ur thoughts!! also btw if anyone can clock my gottmik reference in one of the months i’ll kiss u on the mouth >:)

“okay, chop-chop, can you guys bring all the props down here, please?” you ask, restlessly bouncing your leg and tapping your gel pen against the table you’re sitting at. 

chris stands up from his seat on the beanbag with a dramatic groan, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head and cupping your neck when he passes by. despite how old the house is, the basement is newly renovated and nice. it’s spacious and airy, with plenty of large windows to let the sunlight in. chan and the rest of sigma kappa zeta’s executive board have more or less turned the basement into a movie area for their brotherhood nights, but with the furniture moved out of the way and a king-sized, lime green sheet tacked to the wall, it’s the perfect space for taking pictures. 

you lean your chin up and pucker your lips, tugging on chan’s shirt until he comes back to kiss them. “thank you,” you smile, all but trying to lessen the blow because you’re about to put the eight of them to work. 

“nah, thank you,” chris replies. he cups your cheeks in his palms before leaning in to kiss you again. “you’re a very, very big help when we do this! i couldn’t ask for a better photographer!” 

you’re not so sure that’s true, hyunjin and seungmin both must have some photography buddies in their field of study, but you won’t ever pass up the chance to spend more time with chris. to your own surprise, you even enjoy spending the time with his friends, his brothers, so you really don’t mind doing this for them. 

besides, watching them strip down and pose for your camera isn’t something you’d consider to be a chore. 

sigma kap’s howlin’ holiday hunks: annual male calendar is always a hit at your university. chris has been tabling for it all week, rounding up money for the calendars to donate to their local philanthropy and taking count of how many copies will need to be printed. with the tabling and donations finally finished, it’s time for you to step in to take their pictures.

it’s always a fun time, hearing them come up with ideas for the pictures they want to take, the holidays they want to dress up for. you tap your pen against the table again. even just reading the holidays on your list has you giddy with excitement. 

your eyes shoot up towards the staircase at just the right moment. you can hear someone coming down slowly but surely, and by the sound of the commotion you know exactly who it is. 

“this is bullshit!” jisung shouts. his playfully annoyed voice is muffled behind the gargantuan box he’s holding in his arms. “since when do hot models have to do heavy lifting?”

he misses the last step, barely managing to catch himself before the giant box in his grasp goes tumbling down to the floor. you rush forward to help him, quickly steadying him and putting your hands under the box for support. together, you carry it to one of the tables beside your set up. it’s stuffed to the brim with costumes and trinkets, sunglasses, banners, backdrops, and more. 

“i’m just putting all those muscles to use,” you laugh, and he laughs with you. jisung rummages through the box and immediately lights up when he plucks out a magic wand, gracing you with a shockingly spot-on impersonation of voldemort before accidentally poking himself in the eye with it. when he walks back over to the stairs, he’s holding a hand over his eye. 

before you know it, the eight of them have managed to bring all of the prop boxes downstairs. the basement is echoing with the cacophonous sounds of their laughter and shouts while they set the boxes down around your photo set up, and you have to admit that all the noise is hyping you up. it’s a good thing you’re used to it. 

you helped them out with their calendar last year, so they already know the deal. as soon as chris claps his hands, they’re bustling around the basement again, finding their costumes and picking out their props. you’re just as busy as they are, helping to find shirts and body-stickers and fabric when they can’t. 

when you’re done, you’re sweating. thank goodness you had changbin bring down the water pitchers earlier. 

chris comes up behind you and presses his hands to your shoulders. his thumbs dig into the meat of them, and you roll your neck as he massages you. if you were any less swamped, you’d have him sit down behind you and do that for hours. you know he would jump at the chance to rub your tender, aching muscles with his gentle hands. he kisses the top of your head again. 

“sorry for all the chaos, baby. i need to go get changed, but we’ll clean up after, promise. you deserve a big treat when we’re finished, yeah?” 

a treat sounds wonderful. you can only wonder what he has in mind. 

january 

“how ya want me, boss?” chris asks. 

that’s a funny question if you really think about it. there’s a plethora of answers you could give him, and absolutely none of them are polite to say in front of his friends that are lounging all around the basement area, even if you don’t think they’d mind too much. chris’ body is nothing to scoff at. 

“alright, stud, let’s see.” 

chris has just come out of the side room with felix in tow, makeup applied and ready to have his picture taken. he’s already gloriously shirtless, hip cocked and propped up against a stool he dragged in front of the makeshift green screen. his fingers are twiddling with the plastic new years glasses you picked up for his shoot. you take them from his hands, and chris ducks his head so you can slide the legs of the glasses over his ears. his eyes crinkle when he smiles. the star-shaped glasses have happy new year! printed right on top of them, and you pick at chris’ hair so it won’t get caught in the glittery words. 

“is this- is that it? do i need anything else?” 

you hold up a finger to tell him to wait, and you scurry to the side to pluck something from the top of one the boxes: a neat, brand new bottle of champagne. chris cocks his head at you but dutifully takes the bottle from your hands. 

“we’ll take a few normal ones, but then i want you to shake it up. and like- spray it everywhere. on your abs.” 

he pinkens at that, giggling a little hysterically before turning the bottle over in his hand and reading the label. 

“okay, yeah. i can- yeah, do that, haha!” 

despite what chris might say, his face is made for the camera. he’s a natural at this, posing on his own and diligently listening to the instructions you give him. he turns this way and that, even flexes his arms and back muscles when you ask. everything about his body is perfect to you; he’s so chiseled, so sexy. you want to put your camera down and drop to your knees to kiss his abs, lick your way down to his adonis belt, maybe make your way to his cock. chris takes off the glasses and folds one of the legs down, bringing the other side to his mouth so he can bite the end of it. that’s your last straw, the flash of pearly white teeth, the seductive hint of tongue.

“okay. baby, you’re doing great! last- um, last round. you wanna get the bottle?” 

he plucks at the foil until he unwraps it fully, immediately grabbing the bottle by the neck and placing his thumb over the top of the cork. he bounces up and down.

“i’m scared!” he shouts. his voice is high-pitched and silly. “i’m scared, i’m scared! okay. okay, ready?!”

chris is still making a high-pitched shrieking noise in the back of his throat as he unscrews the cage, and he glances up at you with a maniacal smile on his face when he sees your camera poised and ready. he shakes the bottle once and doesn’t have to bother with pushing his thumb against the cork because it explodes on his own, and the room erupts in eight different sets of hollers. the frothy champagne rockets from the bottle; your camera shutters quickly, making sure to capture every second of chris’ beautiful smile on film. you can distantly hear seungmin and minho fighting for the cork. 

“baby, the money shot!” 

“ha-! oh, shit!” chris doesn’t hesitate before turning the dwindling eruption of champagne onto himself like you asked, coating the ridges of his chiseled chest and abs in the bubbling liquid. he shouts again at the feeling, lips curling in a sexy, smiling snarl that shows his teeth and gums, and you know that’s the one. 

his front’s covered in champagne, torso shining beautifully from the combination of the liquid and the lights beaming down on him. chris is standing a little goofily when you set your camera down and walk to him. he must be turning sticky, and he’s trying not to touch anything. he lights up at your close proximity though, sitting on the stool again as you inch closer. 

“i do okay?” he asks, and you know the look in your eyes gives you away. you want him. “baby, don’t look at me like that.” he taps your chin with his thumb. “don’t look at me like that. you wanting to give my boys a show?” 

“i want to lick you clean,” you whine quietly, pressing your forehead to the side of his head. chris pulls you against him tightly, and you don’t even care if your outfit gets wet. 

your hand moves on autopilot before you can stop it, and his eyes lock onto yours when one of your fingers trails slowly up his v-line to the center of his stomach. it comes away sticky wet. you pop it into your mouth when you’re done, your own eyes lowering when you gaze into chris’. it’s a look that’ll get you fucked and you know it. 

chris barely manages one sensual kiss to your neck before you’re jolting apart as minho loudly interrupts your moment. he laughs gleefully before giving you his best suzy smile. 

“save it, lovebirds~ no sex before i’ve had my picture taken.” 

february 

if you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was fast asleep. minho’s reclined onto the plethora of heart shaped, pink and red pillows when you get back from checking chris’ name off your list and helping your boyfriend get cleaned up. 

“min-ho-lee!” you sing-song, and he hums but doesn’t open his eyes. 

he looks cute like this, handsome. comfortable in a loose, worn, white t-shirt that shows off his collarbones and a pair of white boxers with hearts on them. it might not be as seductive as some of the other ones on your list, but minho quickly makes you eat your words when he spreads his legs. his thighs are thick and muscular, and they jiggle a little bit when he taps his bare foot on the ground while he patiently waits his turn. 

“oh, hey! i almost forgot. can you help with this?” chris comes up behind you and reaches his hand out, a tube of red lipstick held in it. “lipstick marks would make it even sexier, yeah?” 

you look back and forth from chris to minho. 

“you- you want me to-? one of you can’t do it?” 

chris laughs, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “well, i mean! you’re the boss, boss, haha. you know where everything should go, so…” he trails off. “will you let me put it on you?” 

you nod dazedly and let him tip your chin up with his fingers. he’s done this before, put on your lipstick, so you trust him not to make you look like a fool even if it’s about to be rubbed right off. the lipstick glides smoothly against your lips, and when chris is done applying it, you press them together to spread the color evenly. 

when you look at minho, he’s already looking at you. you swear his eyes glint as you drop to your knees in front of him, but you try not to pay it any mind when you lean forward, stopping at the last second to look up at him in clarification. 

“i don’t bite, jagi. unless you ask me nicely,” he smiles. 

minho hums at the first press of your lips to his thigh. it’s soft underneath your lips, plush yet muscular, a little hairy with peach fuzz, and there’s a bright red kiss mark on his skin when you pull away. the color looks stunning against the tone of his skin, but you don’t believe it for a second when you tell yourself that’s the reason you lean back in to give him more kisses. down his thigh and to his knee, both legs. one arm is curled beneath his head while he watches you press tender kisses to his body. minho’s eyes are heavy-lidded and his breathing is deep when you look up at him, and you can tell by the way he shifts on the pillows that it’s intentional the way his shirt rucks up. a soft, barely there sliver of his lower stomach. you kiss that too, barely registering when minho motions to chris so he can take the tube of lipstick from him. 

his fingers tilt your chin up when you’re done mouthing at his belly, and minho reapplies the lipstick for you so that you can keep going. 

it’s so silent that you swear you could hear a pin drop in the room, all eight pairs of eyes trained on what you’re doing. the only noise you hear is minho’s heavy breathing and the wet smacking of your lips when you lower yourself back over him. from his stomach, you make your way to his hands, kissing the thick, wiry veins that snake up their backs and his muscular arms. your own breath hitches when you finally reach his collarbones, his neck. minho’s skin is so warm and soft against your lips, and he tilts his head back to give you more room. 

“jagi’s gonna make me hard,” he whispers. it’s just for you, and you have to fight the whimper that works its way up your throat. your body is pressed to closely to his that you’re sure you could feel it if he does; you could feel the way his cock throbs in his boxers because of your kisses, if you just move your hand — 

“baby,” chris interrupts lowly. you gasp, and minho slowly blinks one eye open. “the- the corner of his mouth. what about there?”

so you kiss your way up his neck, across his adam’s apple and up his chiseled jaw. minho’s mouth is open when you get to it; he’s panting, but his chin tilts towards you when you nudge the side of his nose with your own. 

it’s like you both hold your breath as your lips press to the corner of his. you wish you could feel the fullness of his beautiful lips, kiss him like you mean it so your lipstick smears across his mouth and his cheeks and his chin, but this will have to do. 

you’re slow to pull away when you’re done, and a beautiful, full, red kiss mark sits pretty on the corner of his mouth. it doesn’t stay that way for long. when minho’s hazy eyes lock onto yours, you use your thumb to smear the lipstick down to his chin. it’s sexy, the only kiss mark on his body that’s smeared messy. 

“s-stay there. my camera,” you stutter. you fumble a little bit with your bearings when you go to stand up, and chris rushes behind you while minho sits up abruptly to steady your legs. he settles back down when chris helps you to your station, and your hands shake when they take hold of your camera. 

march 

“i’m not just going to let you kiss me like that, you know,” changbin huffs, and his eyes gleam when you bend down over him to fiddle with his shirt. “i’m not easy like minho hyung. changbinnie is pure and untouched. i’m not letting you anywhere near my precious pot of gold!” 

“you won’t let me get lucky?” you laugh back, and he huffs again, shaking his head dramatically. 

he’s laying in his signature mermaid pose that you so often see him in. the only difference now is that he’s surrounded by bundles and bundles of fake gold coins and money sign pillows, a rainbow one off to the side. 

you’re not sure how st. patrick’s day could be considered sexy, but here you are, face to face with the handsomest leprechaun you’ve ever seen. the bright green getup is even doing it for you. your fingers unbutton the top three buttons of changbin’s velvety green shirt, pulling the collar to the side to expose more of his hulking chest, and he preens at the attention, letting you adjust his clothes and his stance without fuss. his lips widen from a smirk to a full blown cheeky grin when you reach to undo the fourth button. 

“do you like what you see? if you call me handsome you might get a little lucky.” 

“i thought you were pure and untouched?” you ask, cocking an eyebrow and handing him his fake pipe. changbin is reclined against the pillows now, head resting on both of his arms that are crossed behind it. his biceps bulge in the velvet fabric when he reaches for the pipe, and much to changbin’s visible delight, you can hardly take your eyes off of them. 

“i’m as pure as snow!” that’s a tall tale and you both know it, the stories around campus can corroborate. “i’d only let someone with the best intentions and the kindest heart deflower me!” 

“alright, you sweet, blushing virgin. i guess you can put this body glitter on your chest by yourself then?”

“h-hey, i didn’t say that!” he whines, tugging at your shirt with gentle fingers. you kneel over him just like you did to minho earlier, only this time you’re holding a plastic baggie of golden body glitter. you’ll be washing it out from under your nails for weeks, but that might just be worth it at the prospect of rubbing it all over changbin’s broad, sturdy chest. 

you squeeze some of the glitter gel onto your hands and rub them together before bringing it to his chest. the glitter shimmers beautifully against changbin’s soft, honey toned skin, and he sighs when your hands make contact with it. he’s warm, but you can see his goosebumps raise on his skin due to the chill of the gel. the sweeping motions of your hands quickly turn into kneading when changbin lightly arches his back, and soon enough you’re massaging the bulk of his pecs. his nipples are puffy; they turn hard under the contact of your fingers. you’re pleased to find changbin’s head lolled to the side when you risk a glance up at him. 

“do-” you clear your throat. “do you think that’s enough?” you ask, and changbin’s chin bunches up cutely when he tries to dazedly look down at his glittery, golden chest. you’re still gripping handfuls of his pecs when he does, so you slip them from his open shirt so he can see. “i need- hands. i need to wash my hands.” 

when you come back from doing just that, changbin is a little less hazy and is sitting against the pillows munching on one of the chocolate coins from the pile beside him. he crumples up the foil and tosses it at you. 

“that’s perfect!” you say, picking up your camera once more. changbin looks up at you with wide eyes and chewing cheeks. “lean back just like that and bite one of the coins.” 

it’s just as sexy as you thought it would be. changbin is relaxing against the pillows, his burly, glittery chest on display. his smoking pipe rests on his propped up knee while his other hand holds the fake gold coin to the side of his mouth. he bites it lightly, not enough to tear the foil, and your camera shutters quickly. one eye squints shut in a sultry wink, and you hope he can’t see the way your thighs squeeze together. the growing smirk on his handsome face says otherwise. 

changbin beckons you towards his pile of pillows and gold when you’re done taking his picture, and when you kneel down, he holds a chocolate coin to your lips, opening it while looking at you mischievously. 

“just a little taste,” he smiles, and his grin widens when you slowly bite the chocolate held in his fingers. it melts in your mouth. changbin peels the rest of the gold foil off so he can slip the chocolate into your mouth, but you catch his thumb between your lips before he can retreat. changbin’s eyes snap to your lips, the tip of his thumb caught between them. his eyelids droop when your tongue licks at the pad of his thumb, and he curls it over your bottom teeth before you slip it from your mouth with a pop. 

april

“i’m going to fall asleep,” hyunjin mumbles, and it really looks like he might. he’s laying on the fuzzy moss rug you bought just for his session, eyes blinking slowly as if he’s barely managing to hold on to his awareness. 

you hum. “i bet your pictures would still turn out nice.” hyunjin smiles at that, a cute, toothy thing. he wraps his long arms around himself and knocks his knees together while you putter in circles around him gathering your props. flowers, flowers, and more flowers. real ones, bought from your local market and picked fresh from the side of the road. you’re already guessing you’ll have to rock-paper-scissors battle hyunjin for the red roses and daisies when it’s time to leave. 

he looks comfortable too, soft, clad in an off-white tank top, jeans, and a pair of brown birkenstocks. his dark hair falls in silky wisps around his face. hyunjin’s makeup is dewy and natural; he looks beautiful. 

hyunjin tilts his chin up when you finally stand above him, eyes blinking rapidly when your body casts a shadow over him and blocks the lights. he smiles again, a small one you’ve never seen from him before, and it’s paired with a short, airy laugh. it has you self conscious for a moment; maybe this isn’t a flattering angle? but hwang hyunjin is never cruel. you busy yourselves with the flowers in your hands. the petals are soft.

“what is it?” you ask quietly. 

“ah, it’s nothing. nothing bad! just- you standing in front of the light like that. it looks like you have a halo.”

a surprised giggle bursts from your lips, something giddy and shy and sweet that makes hyunjin’s smile widen. you finally kneel beside him to start working on arranging the flowers for his shoot, and his eyes follow you on your way down. 

“hyunjinnie, are you saying that i look like an angel?” you smile. you bite your lip to try and contain the goofy smile spreading across your face. hyunjin is too radiant, you can’t look at him, so you focus on placing a couple of flowers around his head. they frame him like a crown.

“is that so hard to believe?” 

all you do is hum in response. his voice is genuine and earnest, but you can’t believe he’s calling you an angel when he’s the true seraphim. 

you struggle to reach across him to place a calla lily above his shoulder, and hyunjin takes immediate notice.

“you can sit in my lap if that will help?” another sweet and earnest look tossed your way by hyunjin, and you hardly have to think before you throw your leg over his lap and move to straddle him. you’re honestly glad he suggested it; it does make placing the flowers around him easier, and you can reach his hair better like this as well. hyunjin squints his eyes playfully when you pluck a few petals from a red rose and place them thoughtfully in and around his hair. hyunjin’s elegant hands find their way to your thighs while you work, and try as you might, you can’t suppress the full body shudder it sends through you. you’re settled right over the warmth of his crotch. with how he’s touching you now, you know he wouldn’t mind if you ground your hips down a little bit, if you pushed your ass back until you felt him grow hard underneath you.

it’s hard to focus on your arranging when hyunjin’s fingers dip underneath both legs of your shorts to rub easy circles against your skin. it’s so sinfully distracting that you find yourself rearranging the orchids and tulips around his head several times until you can concentrate enough to find the perfect place for them. 

when the mix of colors and flowers are to your liking, you reach for your camera and adjust the lens accordingly, asking hyunjin if he’s ready to start.

he does everything but physically shake himself from his daze. hyunjin squints his eyes shut to rid himself of the glassy sheen that covers them and bites his plump bottom lip but nods nonetheless. 

with you sitting on his lap like this, the angle is odd. raising yourself onto your knees helps, and you have to stop yourself from swaying when hyunjin’s intense, seductive gaze locks onto the camera. his hands move from the front of your thighs to the back, cupping you right underneath your behind. he squeezes once before slipping his fingers under the legs of your shorts again to feel the warmth of your skin. 

hyunjin knows just how to work the camera; it doesn’t take long before you’re settling yourself back down on his lap again, placing your camera on the rug beside his head. he gasps when your ass makes contact with his steadily hardening cock, and his hands fly to your hips this time. he touches you almost as if he’s desperate.

“can- can you just-? stay right there for a moment, please?” hyunjin asks. his words are nearly whimpered, and you nod your head before placing your hands over his on your hips. “you can’t get up yet! they’re never going to let me live this down if they see!” 

may 

when jisung walks into the room, your jaw drops. he’s definitely not kylo ren; you even look down to double check your list to make sure you didn’t miss a last minute change. 

he’s not anakin skywalker, or din djarin. not even general grievous like he contemplated with you either. 

no, jisung shuffles awkwardly from the side room, skirt bunched up in his hands so he doesn’t trip on the long, maroon fabric. he stands before you half naked, golden cuffs on his arms, a shining, swirl-filled brassiere, two pieces of thick silk that connect to the front and back of a golden belt to create the illusion of a skirt. he pigeon toes the floor in his velvet, green boots. 

“who are you supposed to be, hannie?” changbin questions behind you. 

“may the fourth!” jeongin pipes up. “he’s princess leia! slave leia.”

“isn’t that a little controversial?” comes seungmin’s response. 

jisung’s eyes widen, and you know he’s about to start ranting by the frantic opening and closing of his mouth. when he speaks, his voice is pitched high and loud. 

“no! no, she kills jabba while she’s wearing this! it’s badass. it’s- it’s empowering!” 

jisung plops down onto the giant, red loveseat cushion as if his short argument has physically exhausted him, barely managing to grip the skirt in his hands in time to cover himself before he shows you and his seven frat brothers his unmentionables. 

it’s when he leans back against the pillow that you truly realize just how much honey toned skin you’re seeing from him. it’s not something you’re used to with jisung, he prefers to wear baggy pants and big t-shirts. you’ve seen him shirtless a few times at the pool in the backyard of the frat house, but even so, it’s not like this. when he spreads his legs, the front of the skirt dips completely between the spread of them. his legs are on full display, his hips, his thighs. his pecs are only covered by the two cups of his intricate bra, but the bra serves to define the swell of them even more than they usually are on their own. he’s muscular, mouthwateringly so. you know he hits the gym with chris and changbin frequently, and it shows. you wonder if the golden bangles on his arms are tight at his biceps. 

“han-ah, you forgot this.” 

minho steps around your camera equipment and heads straight to jisung. you’re not sure what he’s holding in his hand until something is clipped to jisung’s collar, and it’s truly a testament of your will that everyone in the room didn’t hear the volume of your gulp. 

now attached to the gold collar around jisung’s neck sits a thick, silver chain.

when minho walks back by you, he grins slyly. “go work your magic.”

jeongin had pulled up some reference pictures of leia in her slave outfit, and you and jisung go off of those for the first half of your shoot. he props himself up on his arms and curls both legs to the side submissively, looking into the camera lens with slightly furrowed eyebrows and downturned lips. the skirt is bunched between his legs, leaving so little to the imagination. his abs clench when he breathes, and they clench again when he lays back down on the pillow. jisung moves onto his side, propping his forehead on a closed fist. you have to try everything in your power to keep your gaze away from his pecs that are now pushing together sinfully in the middle due to the weight of his other arm. 

“can you sit up, jisungie?” 

he doesn’t hesitate, immediately sitting up so that he’s on his knees kneeling. this is bad for you, his eyes are so sweet looking up at you like this, so shimmery and wide. it’s like he can read your mind; he knows exactly what you want from him. you don’t even have to ask jisung if you can take hold of the chain attached to his collar because he hands it to you himself, picking up the tail end and lifting it towards you shyly with both of his hands.

when you take hold of the chain, jisung’s eyes close. he looks beautiful like this, serene and at ease with his throat bared and collared. almost like he’s completely at your mercy. jisung’s eyes are pitch black and star-filled whenever he gazes at you again. not the camera lens, you. your hand moves on its own in response, pulling the chain slightly so that jisung sits up straighter and balances higher on his knees. his mouth drops open; his eyebrows furrow, and you don’t miss the shaking hand that moves to the front of his skirt to cover his cock. 

jisung sways, lightly curling in on himself before he remembers that in order to look at you he needs to sit up straight. 

“oh god,” he whispers, and you pull the chain again.

june 

you’ve seen felix shirtless almost as many times as you’ve seen your boyfriend shirtless, and chris is naked nearly all the time. you can’t complain about either though. 

felix is leaner, his body more cut and angular than chris’, but the difference between the two is fascinating and makes looking at the both of them even more enjoyable. your eyes still roam felix’s body like it’s the first time you’ve seen his freckled chest, his svelte abdomen. 

“hi bubby!” felix calls from his spot in front of the green screen, a happy lilt to his voice when he notices your eyes lingering on his midsection. you answer him back in your own version of his gremlin voice, and his grin widens. felix stands before the screen in a full denim outfit. a belted jean skirt that reaches to his thighs and a jean jacket. 

just a jacket, no shirt underneath. 

his blonde hair is held back from his face with a jagged silver headband, but he leaves a few wisps out to frame his forehead and cheeks.  

felix is clearly the most excited about his shoot. his giddy excitement is palpable. he’s nearly jumping up and down where he stands, holding a pink, purple, and blue striped fanny pack in his grasp and shaking it at you when you walk closer to him. he unzips it when you lean into his side, reaching his little hand inside the fanny pack and showing you the pin-back buttons and enamel pins he’s collected for this occasion. rainbows, sexuality flags, pronoun pins - you name it; felix has a pin for it. 

“they came just in time! i was a bit worried i’d have to get hyunjinnie to help me make some. help me put them on?” 

you help him alright. felix puts one be gay, do crimes! pin on his fanny pack and lets you handle the rest, standing as still as he can and ducking his chin so he can watch you poke the pride pins through his denim jacket and his fanny pack. a rainbow on his shoulder, crash the cis-tem on the pocket near his waist, an enamel pan flag pin on the jacket collar. 

“ah! this one up here! put this one up here on the pocket!” 

he shoves the pin-back button into your hand, and you go to slip the stem through his jacket before the words on the pin register in your brain. 

“‘he/him/hole,’ felix lee, oh my god!” you guffaw, gawking wide-eyed at the plain black pin with comic sans font. felix’s joyous cackle knocks one right out of your mouth too, and the next thing you know he’s pulling you tight against his chest so you can laugh together. his little hands reach behind your back in a hug, swaying you from side to side while he laughs into your shoulder. “that’s crazy! let me- let me put it on you.” 

felix keeps his arms around your back, but he makes a valiant effort to stop the shaking of his shoulders. he purses his lips together and watches your nimble fingers pop the stem through his denim jacket. 

he hisses through his teeth, causing you to jolt in his hold. 

“oh! did i get you? fuck, i’m so sorry, lix! i was really trying to be careful.” you pull the collar of his jacket to the side and rub your hand softly against his pec. there’s no blood that you can see, and you’re about to apologize again before felix butts his forehead against yours. 

“i was just messing with you, bubby. i’m sorry! sorry, i couldn’t help myself. i’m being bad.” 

“felix lee being bad?” you ask, pulling away from him slightly so you can look him in the eyes. “i’ve heard it all now. i was under the impression you were always good.” 

“most of the time i’m good,” felix murmurs, and it's as deep as the sea. you always knew he would be, when you let yourself think about it. you always knew he would be a good, perfect boy for you. for chris. “i can be bad, but i like being good even better. i get more presents that way.” he tongues his cheek, and your eyes follow the movement. 

“what kind of presents?” it’s your turn to whisper. 

“i can’t tell you, bubby. i think my favorite present is too dirty for good boys to say out loud.” 

you want to know. you want to know so badly. 

“s-spell it. spell it then? don’t say it. i can keep a secret.” 

felix’s jumps at the chance, and his grin grows wider as he gently taps his index finger against your chest, right above the collar of your shirt. he looks you in the eyes when his finger starts to move, a slow, curving sweep against your skin. you nod when he’s done, and he moves onto the next letter until he finishes spelling the word with the shape of a small heart. your mouth drops open, ready to let him have the gift he wants so badly. 

c-u-n-t

“hey! hey hey, hurry up! you guys still aren’t done?” seungmin claps, propping his hands on his hips sassily while he waits. 

your moment may have been interrupted, but you can still feel the phantom ghost of naughty little fingers burning into the delicate skin of your chest when you walk back to your camera station. you catch chris’ eyes as you turn. his cheeks are flushed, and you can feel the blush on yours too. your chest burns. 

july 

“you’re not going to make me take my shirt off, are you?” seungmin asks, but he’s grinning. 

“no. you look nice like this!” it’s true. seungmin does look nice, and he still fits his summer theme whether he takes his shirt off or not. he’s standing in front of the green screen sheet in a white tank top and blue swim trunks. he’s got a pink flamingo pool float wrapped around his lithe waist and sunglasses perched on top of his head. the only discrepancy you have is that he’s just a little too… dry. 

seungmin punches the bulbous head of the flamingo and squeezes its beak while you go about setting your camera up again. 

“i feel like there’s something you’re not telling me,” he playfully gripes, and maybe he’s joking around, but he’s still right. 

it was chris’ idea, and you’re just trying to keep yourself quiet and busy until your boyfriend appears again to hash out his plan. much to your luck, it doesn’t take long before the back door opens abruptly to show chris standing in the doorway with something behind his back. 

“hey, seungmin!” he calls, maniacal smile right back on his handsome face. “i love you, seungmin!” 

the water hose’s shower setting shoots farther than you thought it would, and seungmin flinches dramatically when the cool water hits his skin. he sputters, shaking his wet hair like a dog before he looks at you in shock. seungmin is cute like this, wide eyed in surprise and dripping wet with water. he shouts and lunges once at chris, and your boyfriend hollers through a laugh and slams the door shut before he can be grabbed. 

“you traitor!” he points a finger at you. he laughs when he says it though, pressing his fingers to his eyes and swiping the water away. 

seungmin’s shirt is sticking obscenely to his torso; your eyes can’t help but roam up and down his lean body, his broad shoulders. he shakes his head again and brings a hand to his his hair to smooth it back from his forehead. you watch a water droplet slide down his nose and force yourself out of your daze. 

“your theme is supposed to be summer, seungminnie! you’re at a pool. you needed to get a little wet!” 

“yeah, yeah, yeah,” he lightheartedly complains. “you owe me. i don’t look like a wet dog, do i?” 

you blink rapidly at him. there’s no way he doesn’t know how good he really looks, right? with his hair pushed back and shirt clinging to his skin, his long legs on display. all of that while gloriously wet? 

“you look hot!” hyunjin whistles from his spot on the couch, and you snap your fingers and point at seungmin in accord. 

when chris braves the basement again, he’s carrying a stack of old towels to set on the floor and soak up what little water collected. he’s also carrying the pack of red, white, and blue popsicles from the upstairs freezer. they’re specifically for seungmin’s shoot, but the hustling and bustling and the heat of working under the lights has everyone gathering around to snatch one. chris hands them out diligently, puttering up to seungmin last with a wide smile and twinkling eyes. 

“i love you, seungmin!” chris simpers again, and seungmin rolls his eyes before raising his fist at him. your boyfriend cackles and makes his way to one of the couches, but not before he offers you one of the last remaining popsicles. you shake him off and insist you’ll grab one later. seungmin watches the interaction with keen eyes, and he unwraps his popsicle before sucking the icy tip into his mouth. you snap a picture right away, something silly and unusable, but he scrunches his nose in a playful growl. 

he’s easy to photograph. seungmin also listens to instructions well and expertly does his own thing. his face is handsome, his thin lips and watchful eyes deserve to be on the cover of magazines. a school wide calendar will just have to do instead. 

the final shot you take is of seungmin’s blue-stained tongue pressed against his steadily melting popsicle, his heavy yet kind eyes pierce right through your lens. it’s a good shot, and you make your way over to him to show him a few of your favorites. he points out his own that he likes and playfully nudges your shoulder when you click to the first photo you took of him with the popsicle. 

what’s left of the popsicle is still melting in his hand, blue rivulets drip slowly down his fingers. 

he offers it to you, raising his eyebrows as if in challenge. you know he doesn’t expect you to actually take the icy popsicle between your lips, but much to his enjoyment, you do. it’s cool and flavorful on your tongue, a much needed treat that immediately chills your throat when you swallow around it. seungmin’s fingers adjust themselves on the stick, and he slips the popsicle further into your mouth. you meet his movements with your own, pressing yourself forward to take all you can until blue is running down your chin.  

“messy thing,” he whispers, and he swipes the melted ice up with his thumb before bringing it to his lips for one last taste. 

august 

“are you sure, innie? i don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” 

you remember chris saying jeongin doesn’t like things touching his neck. it makes him antsy, claustrophobic. you’re willing to scrap the shoot for his comfort, sure that you have enough props collected that you could all find another holiday jeongin could do. 

“it should be okay for just a few minutes! i’m not worried.” 

jeongin hands you his props with a smile, and he ducks his head so you can clip the dog ears to either side of his head, careful not to snag his hair in the berets. they’re fuzzy, blonde with speckles of black and bronze for a more detailed look. one of the ears is even pierced - a cute little bell dangles from the curled tip, and it jingles when jeongin shakes his head happily. 

it leaves all of you cooing over how cute he is. 

the tail comes next, a perfect match to the set of ears he’s wearing. it’s long and fluffy, nearly reaching the backs of his knees. all you have to do is clip it to the back of his jean shorts, and he holds his shirt up to give you more access. you turn him around so that his back faces the others when you’re done. 

“our innie! our innie and his cute tail!” hyunjin wails. 

“spell your name!” felix shouts, and jeongin gets halfway through spelling his name with his butt before he gives up in embarrassment, tail swishing against his skin with each halfhearted movement. 

“be careful, jeongin-ah, they’re going to start asking you to bark soon,” seungmin says, all too used to being treated like a show-dog. 

he waves them off with his signature wheeze laugh and turns back to you dutifully for the last part of his outfit. 

a collar, handcrafted and neat. it’s made of black leather and is held together by a metal heart in the middle. a paw print pendant hangs daintily from the heart. the words that are carved into the pendant make you bite down on the inside of your cheek, and you bring the collar closer to your face to get a better look. 

good dog

jeongin’s eyes haven’t left your face once; you can feel them on you, almost like he’s waiting for your reaction. 

“can i put it on you, jeonginnie?” 

he steps closer to you. it still hasn’t left your mind that jeongin doesn’t like chokers or tight necklaces around his neck, and you don’t want to startle him, so you decide to talk him through what you’re doing. 

“i’m just going to put this around your neck now, okay?” he nods, warm breath hitting your face when he ducks his head slightly. maybe it would be better if he knelt for you, if he got on his knees and waited patiently. if he was naked and hard, if the tail was a plug instead of a clip-on. there’s so many possibilities. 

your hands wrap the collar around his neck gently, bringing your fingers to the back of it so that you can loop one of the ends through the hoop and poke the stem through the first hole. 

“is it too tight? there’s two more holes, this one is the loosest.” 

jeongin licks his lips, and you watch his adam’s apple bob right above the collar. “maybe just a little tighter? you can try the second one.” 

you do what he says, sliding the stem from the first hole and into the second so that the collar pulls slightly tighter around his neck. jeongin’s eyes are closed when you look to him for confirmation, and they roll when he opens them. he gives you a slow nod. 

“hyunjin-ssi, go get kkami’s dog bed,” minho interrupts. jeongin’s props are already set up around him. a water bowl, a pile of tennis balls and other toys, you’ll edit a dog house onto the green screen. but you have to admit, jeongin would look cute in a dog bed. 

“kkami doesn’t have a dog bed! who do you think i am? he sleeps in bed with me because he’s a prince.” 

“jeonginnie wouldn’t fit in a kkami sized bed anyway. who knows someone with a great dane? we need a human sized one!” jisung says. he pulls out his phone like he’s about to look through his contacts, and you bring your hand up to your mouth to hide your snort. 

“well,” you start. “i mean, maybe i know a certain person who has a human sized dog bed.” 

you’re so going to get it later. just go ahead and prepare for it. 

all eyes in the room snap towards chris, wildly different emotions ranging on each of their faces. seungmin looks disturbed, minho looks gleeful, changbin looks innocently confused. 

“hey hey hey, no! nope, ha- haha! nope, i don’t- i don’t have a dog bed. no dog bed here!” his cheeks are pink. he definitely has a dog bed. you fucked him in it not even two weeks ago. 

you’re about to open your mouth when changbin beats you to it. “hyung, why would you have a dog bed? berry lives with your mom…” 

september 

“i feel like i’ve never seen hyung this exposed, and i’ve literally seen him naked,” hyunjin says. 

the both of you are staring just as wide eyed at the two men in front of the green screen. the only thing that brings you out of your stupor is changbin waving his hand in your face. 

you’ve never seen chris like this, minho either. like hyunjin said, you too have seen chris naked, sweating and writhing in the throes of pleasure, but there’s something about the little black dress he’s wearing that’s nearly just as erotic. its silky fabric clings to his thick thighs beautifully, the top of the dress shows the bulk of chris’ pecs and the valley between them. the white socks he’s wearing have lacy ruffles around the ankle. 

the back of the dress nearly takes you out of commission. it’s backless, chris’ beautiful pale skin an exquisite display, leaving the cut of his back and shoulder muscles out for all of your ogling. it closes off right above the swell of his ass, and the tight fabric frames that just as beautifully. 

minho looks just as delectable. his dress isn’t as tight as chris’ but it is as short, with a slit up the side that tells you immediately that he’s not wearing anything underneath. minho’s arm muscles are so defined that you can still see them bulging under the long sleeves of his dress. the biggest difference between the two of them though is that minho is donning a skintight pair of black fishnets and shiny, black, platform heels. he cocks an eyebrow when he sees you staring, but you don’t think he minds that you can’t look away. you don’t think chris minds either.

despite how wide his shoulders are, chris looks much smaller than minho like this. it’s a realization that has your mouth watering.

you come to find out that their chemistry is unrivaled. they play off of each other's actions perfectly, and they’re easy to photograph even when they’re messing around. they’re playful, a little bit sleazy, and the camera loves it. you love it. 

“chris, pull the strap of your dress down. yes! yes, that’s great. that’s hot, oh they’ll love that!” you say, pressing away at the shutter of your camera. chris giggles at your comment before he schools his face into something softer. 

he looks into the lens demurely while he eases the spaghetti strap of his dress down his muscular shoulder, arching his back so that the curve of his ass presses against minho’s front. minho’s veiny hand follows your boyfriend’s and lightly smooths down chris’ shoulder, fingers barely grazing the skin. it’s a movement so soft that you almost feel like you’re interrupting them, an ever willing voyeur to their seductive show. your cunt pulses for what feels like the billionth time today when minho’s hand moves down to grip chris roughly by the hips and yank him, pulling his hips upwards so that chris is forced to stand on the tips of his toes. now that he’s closer to minho’s height, chris’ ass settles snugly against his crotch. 

minho adjusts his leg, tucking his thick thigh against the outside of chris’ hip and setting more of his weight on the toe of his platform heel. the movement has his thigh bulging, and chris’ veiny hand reaches behind the two of them to grab at minho’s ass. 

you can barely register the hooting and hollering from the other boys behind you, too focused on regulating the hitching of your breath and the wetness that must be seeping through your shorts at the erotic sight before you. you want to put your camera down and go to them, you want to touch them, you want them to touch you the way they are each other. you want them to keep their dresses on. 

by the looks on their faces, they’re all too aware. 

how you manage the rest of the session, you’re not sure, and it vaguely feels like you’re walking into a trap when minho beckons you over to them so they can look at the pictures you took. they stand on either side of you and make the appropriate noises whenever you slide to the next picture, but they quiet down when you get to the last one. your favorite one, with chris and minho pressed close together and groping each other’s lovely bodies. merely seeing the shot has you dreaming of crossing your legs for some relief. you can feel minho’s smile against your cheek. 

“jagi likes that one,” he coos, and his hand caresses the dip of your back. “we saw you, you know? clenching your thighs and licking your lips while taking our picture.” chris kisses your neck while minho talks. 

“are you wet, butterfly?” he breathes. you shiver at the feeling of his warm breath against the skin of your neck. you nod your head shakily; chan doesn’t like it when you lie. “just a while longer, yeah? then you’ll get a treat. keep being patient. you’re doing so good, okay?” another nod.

you shiver again when minho’s plump lips brush against your ear. “mm, a treat? i wonder what it could be…”

october 

another man, another dress, and you’re still down just as bad. you’re not alone this time though; changbin looks as if his eyes are going to burst out of his head like they do in those wacky cartoons. heart shaped pupils, wagging tongue, and all. 

hyunjin is positively elegant. the black, skin tight dress accentuates the angles of his body beautifully, and paired with the red lipstick and matching nails, he looks haunting, enchanting. the wig doesn’t even make him look silly. it looks natural - long, dark, silky locks cascade like water down his shoulders and back. hyunjin can make nearly anything look expensive. 

changbin looks just as good, sitting handsome in a black and white pinstripe suit. his curly hair is slicked back from his forehead, and above his upper lip sits a thin mustache. his collared shirt dons a checkered bow tie. 

your gomez and morticia. 

thing is there too, and the disembodied hand sits unmoving and upside down in changbin’s lap. 

“hyunjinnie, who made you so pretty?” 

hyunjin sighs at changbin’s attempted pun, but there’s an indulgent smile on his face when he looks down at changbin to see him holding thing to the side of his head as he dances silently to the chorus of his favorite newjeans hit. 

“ahh, that’s right. eomma did make me pretty, mon cherie,” hyunjin laughs back. he takes the hand gingerly from changbin’s grasp and pets it like he would a dog, safe and sound in his arms. 

“are you two done flirting yet?” you ask. your camera is poised and ready to go. maybe you should have taken some sweet, candid photos of them laughing together. 

“ask him,” hyunjin is quick to respond. 

“never! not when my hyunjinnie wants me so badly. i can see it in his eyes.” 

the two of them came to you with their idea of gomez and morticia addams for their october shoot, and you couldn’t have picked a better halloween theme for them. the unconditional love, the steadfast mutual respect, the open sensuality, it fits them down to a tee. 

changbin beckons for you to start your shoot, flexing his shoulders and straightening his spine so that it’s arched against the back of the chair he sits in. hyunjin stands poised and elegant behind him, one hand crossed delicately over the other on changbin’s left shoulder. thing sits unmoving on the right. 

they look powerful like this, and you know when you add the background to their photos - a cobweb covered fireplace mantle with a candelabra on the top, it’ll add a darker, more haunting aura to their already captivating presence. 

changbin’s hand slowly moves across his body so that he can rest it on top of hyunjin’s that are still placed primly on his shoulder. hyunjin doesn’t swat it away like he usually would, no, he instead tilts his chin up and gazes heavily into the camera lens. changbin can hardly suppress the wild grin that’s threatening to split across his handsome face. 

“my darling hyunjinnie loves me~” he coos. “i can’t take it anymore. i want to look at my wife’s beautiful face!” he stands so abruptly from his chair that it almost tips over, and thing falls straight to the floor. changbin dramatically shoves the chair aside and throws his hand out to hyunjin, dipping his head and speaking lowly. “may i have this dance?” 

hyunjin giddily takes changbin’s hand in his own, lifting it in the air so that he can twirl slowly underneath it, and changbin follows the movement easily. he cups hyunjin’s lithe waist now that they’re pressed front to back, lifting hyunjin’s arm to the side with his fingers entwined with hyunjin’s longer ones. 

“get your camera ready,” changbin grins, and that’s the only warning you get before he starts to press kisses down hyunjin’s arm. 

you recognize it immediately, a highly notable move from gomez and morticia’s explosive tango from addam’s family values. your camera shutters as changbin kisses fervently down hyunjin’s arm, raising his head to meet hyunjin’s eyes when he gets to his hand. he cups his fingers in his own and kisses the knuckles gently, lips lingering, then smiles softly as he begins his passionate ascent back up hyunjin’s arm. you can hardly breathe when changbin kisses towards hyunjin’s neck, and he sweeps his long hair to the side so that he can press his lips to the bare skin there. hyunjin throws his head back while changbin begins to kiss down his other arm, and your camera almost falls limp in your hands as you watch ensnared. the sensual, comfortable chemistry has you wondering if there’s something more between them, something deeper than the silly couple’s costume and playful flirting. 

the way changbin touches hyunjin has you aching, the gentle hands, the devoted lips, the watchful eyes. hyunjin seems to enjoy being kissed and fawned over as much as you enjoy watching it happen, and he cups changbin’s neck with the fingers he just kissed, eyes squinting into joyous crescents with the force of his smile. 

the ache spreads, a want so deep you’ll do almost anything to satiate it.

november 

“why the fuck would we be pilgrims when we could be sexy housewives instead?” jisung questions, and you honestly can’t come up with a rebuttal because he’s definitely right. 

he swirls the red wine around in his glass before taking a hesitant sip. despite being in a fraternity, jisung’s never been too much of a drinker. he makes a face as the liquid goes down, but he gives you a thumbs up when he sees your raised eyebrows. 

jisung and felix stand beside you while the other boys move the couch in front of the green screen. you’re trying hard not to let yourself stare at them, but with the two of them this close and on opposite sides of you, it’s proving to be more difficult than you originally thought. they look too good in their robes. 

jisung, donned in something soft and silk. a short, baby pink nightgown with a matching lace robe that he’s pulled down to his elbows. you thought you got used to seeing so much of his beautiful, tanned skin earlier, but what a mistake that was. the straps of his nightgown are narrow, leaving his broad shoulders nearly bare. the garment is so thin that with the waning sunlight dipping through the windows you can see the outline of his small waist, grippable and curvy. 

felix looks just as delectable. a little skimpier than his partner, but still good enough to eat. felix stands beside you in a stark white silk set, teeny-tiny little sleep shorts and a crop top that’s just as tiny. your eyes are immediately drawn to the unending stretches of skin on his beautiful body, his muscular legs, his lean torso, the dip of his back, but the robe is what catches your eye the most. it’s completely mesh, with downy, white feathers on the sleeve ends and the hem. the robe is long enough that it trails the ground when he walks, and you can tell by his attitude that felix is living his best housewife fantasy in it. 

“a little more to the left! like, just a hair. no! towards chris! and yeah, my head would look really stupid in one of those hats,” felix says, taking his own swig of red wine while he supervises the moving of the couch. 

as soon as chris brings his t-shirt up to wipe the sweat off his face, felix is tugging jisung to the couch and easing down into the corner of it. jisung tucks himself into his side, and they look so nice pressed together like that. 

felix balances his wine glass on the arm of the couch before pulling one of jisung’s legs into his lap. it’s sweet how touchy felix is. the way he plays with the lace ruffle of jisung’s ankle sock, plucks the soft fabric from between his toes until he decides to massage the sole with his little fingers. 

“i’d make you my little housewife if this is what i get to come home to, holy shit!” jisung says. he basks happily in the attention, and felix grins widely at the comment. 

“i would be a good wife! maybe i’d wear this on our wedding night.” felix tongues his cheeks again, just like he did to you earlier. “i’d wear this on our wedding night and let you take it off me piece… by piece… by piece.” 

“are you trying to seduce me?!”

“maybe. is it working?!”  

it’s working on you, for sure. jisung laughs loudly when felix reaches around to squeeze at his ass. 

they fall into poses easily, still giggling and whispering with each other every now and then. you know the pictures are going to turn out great just by the way they’re wrapped around each other, sexy and demure and wanting. you want to join in, set your camera down and run to chris’ room to grab your own naughty negligee that’s hidden in his closet so that you can settle yourself right between them, giggling and gossiping and so tangled in each other's space that it can’t help but progress into sensual touches and needy kisses. you’d be so pretty together. 

“it’s- yeah! yeah, it’s kinda working actually. but i wanna be a rich trophy housewife too! i can- i’m good at house things!” 

god! and what a thought that is. coming home after a long day to your two beautiful wives who are ready to take care of you and be taken care of too. you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. good thing chris would be there to help; he could take care of all three of you, and you would jump through hoops to pleasure him in return. 

“bubby’s thinking something dirty,” felix faux whispers, and you can’t even deny it. the throb of your cunt and the tensing of your thighs would be quick to call you a liar. your hands are sweaty where they hold your camera. 

“are you?” jisung asks quietly. it’s directed at you, but you don’t know if you can say. you don’t know if you should say. “me- me too. i really am too. aish, how much longer? i can’t wait…” 

he can't wait for what? felix doesn’t let you find out. he puts his index finger quickly over jisung’s plump lips and shakes his head wildly, grinning all the while. 

december 

“why can’t jeonginnie sit in my lap?” 

“seungmin kim, silly dog. since when does santa sit in mrs. claus’ lap?” minho asks, and seungmin makes a show of sticking out his tongue. 

“we don’t know what they do in their free time,” seungmin gripes back. 

his grumbling is interrupted by felix setting the plate of chocolate chip cookies and glass of milk on the small cocktail table beside the felt chair jeongin is manspreading in. 

jeongin decided to forgo the bushy, white beard, but there’s no doubt who he’s supposed to be. the red pileus hat sits crookedly on his head, and the velvet red suit he wears is unbuttoned all the way down his front, leaving his chest and abdomen bare for your roaming eyes. a sack of fake presents sits on the floor at his feet, and jeongin fiddles with the hem of seungmin’s skirt while he waits for chris and hyunjin to finish setting up the small christmas tree. 

seungmin swats jeongin’s hand away from his skirt and smooths it down with a sly smile. your mrs. claus is dressed more scantily than usual; candy cane red and white stockings sit halfway up seungmin’s thin thighs, leaving a sliver of bare skin that his skirt doesn’t cover. his velvet dress has three cotton buttons down the chest that lead right into a thick, black belt. his dress is hooded too, rimmed with fluff that’s as white as the snow from the north pole. seungmin’s look is topped off with a pair of round glasses. 

“okay, last round! you guys all worked really hard today, just bear with me for a little bit longer, please! i think all of your pictures are turning out great.” 

a chorus of cheers erupts around the room, and you can’t contain your smile. you’ve had fun today. it’s been a lot of work, and you’re going to need chris to eat you out for at least thirty minutes when he gets you in bed. you’re so pent up from having him and his friends flirt with you all day that it’s the least he can do, but it’s been fun. 

“only because we’ve had the best photographer!” hyunjin calls, and you can feel your cheeks heating up. 

“ok-ok, best for last! seungminnie hyung, let’s get it!” 

you think these are going to be some of your favorite pictures by far. there’s just something so charismatic and special about the two youngest boys and their interactions with each other. seungmin is, surprisingly, an expert at naughty poses, leaning over the back of the chair jeongin sits in and sliding his hands down the younger’s naked front. long, elegant fingers trace ridge after ridge of muscular abdomen until seungmin struts around the chair to prop his foot between jeongin’s legs. 

“holy shit, seungminnie is crazy!” changbin laughs. he’s standing right beside you and watching the babies too. “jeongin-ah, run your hand up his leg!” 

jeongin gives him the stink eye for half a second before he ultimately follows his hyung’s instruction, and changbin nudges your shoulder so excitedly that it nearly sends you careening to the side until he steadies you. jeongin’s hand winds slowly up seungmin’s thigh-high covered leg, but he doesn’t stop there. it keeps going until it’s slipping underneath seungmin’s skirt. changbin hollers beside you, and you’re grinning wildly yourself. seungmin scrunches his nose and readjusts himself so that he’s kneeling on the chair and bracketing jeongin’s legs with his knees. he reaches for a cookie and brings it straight to jeongin’s mouth. 

seungmin angles himself so that he can look over his shoulder at the camera, miming a dramatic, shocked expression while jeongin’s hand gropes his ass under the dress. it’ll be a hit for sure, a silly picture that somehow still manages to be just a little bit sexy. 

when his lap is freed, jeongin snatches his hand out from underneath seungmin’s dress and holds it to his chest like it’s been burned. 

“come help us finish these cookies!” seungmin waves you over while he munches on a cookie and holds the plate in front of you so that you can pick the one you want. “you’ve been so busy today, you must be hungry.” 

“starving,” you reply, and jeongin lets you pick your cookie before he grabs another one himself. he even slides you the last one. 

the cookies are wonderful, gooey and chocolatey and full of love, just how felix likes to make them. the cool glass of milk sits untouched on the cocktail table until jeongin takes it in his hand and brings it to his lips for a sip. seungmin declines his offer when he holds the glass out to him, and that just leaves you. 

“you must be thirsty now too?” he asks, and he smiles shyly when you lean forward on your toes. jeongin holds the glass to your lips and cups his hand underneath your chin, raising the glass as you drink your fill. 

your tongue darts out to lick your lips when you’re done, but you can feel a rivulet of pearly white milk slip down your chin. both boys’ eyes follow it diligently, and you’re about to wipe your chin with your shirt when seungmin beats you to it. his thumb is gentle when it wipes away the excess liquid. 

“don’t worry, you’ll be looking like that again soon~” 

for the life of you, you can’t figure out what he means. 

you may be blindfolded, but you can tell you’re still in the basement. it’s quieter than it has been all day, now solely occupied by just you and your boyfriend. the others meandered upstairs after cleaning up their mess of props with sweet hugs and whispered compliments, leaving you and chris alone for the first time all day.

you couldn’t even wait for chris to get you on the couch before you were begging for his cock, begging for him to make you cum.

your pussy’s so fucking slick that you’re surprised you can feel chris’ knobby fingers on your clit at all, a culmination of the sexual tension you’ve felt throughout the day. he ruts into you desperately, almost like he’s as worked up as you are. it makes you feel sexy, desired, wanted, the carnal way chris’ hips slap against the fat of your ass while he babbles into your ear. 

“such a wet pussy, huh? my butterfly’s wet little cunt…” he grits. 

you cry out in response. “yes! yes, f-fuck ‘s so wet, chris.” 

chris plants his elbows on the floor and cups the back of your head with both hands, taking extra special care so that it doesn't knock the floor with the force of his thrusts. there’s barely any space between your sweaty bodies; chris is pressed against you fully. his slick skin, the frantic thrusting of his hips, his heavy breathing, you can feel it all. 

your legs droop further open on their own accord in order to accommodate his weight. you’re so open, spread underneath him like a feast. your fingers were gripping his curly hair for dear life, but all of the strength in your body has left you. your arms lay on either side of your head while chris works you like a toy. 

“fuck, that’s it. makin’ such a mess, sweetheart. you take me so well, take daddy’s dick so well, oh my gosh,” he grunts again, pressing the words hot into your ruddy cheek. 

his cock hits you deep, carving a place for himself inside you like no one has before. you hear a shrill squeal permeate throughout the room, and it’s not until chris wraps his hand around your throat and the noise tapers off that you realize it was coming from you. 

“yesss, yes! fucking- choke me, pleasepleaseplease,” you wheeze. a tone so gritty and pulled from so deep in your chest that you wouldn’t recognize your own voice if you were in your right mind. his hand is warm on your throat, a steady presence that makes you feel positively weightless while still managing to keep you tethered to earth where you belong. your hand flies from the floor to hold his wrist to keep him there. a slick, wet noise has you biting your lip, but it doesn’t match the rhythm of chris’ hips. god, your pussy’s so wet it doesn’t even make any sense, getting wetter and wetter with your daddy choking you out. 

you can’t unhear it now, even in your sex-crazed state. the blindfold has you tuning deeper into your other senses, and now that your brain has registered another sound, it hones in on it. the noise seems like it gets louder and louder, wetter, more frantic. right at your fingertips. like if you reached your hand out you could touch it. 

“chris?” 

his hand slips from your neck and down to your breasts, fondling the fat of your chest and thumbing at your nipple until your back is arching like a bowstring. he throws his thrusts, sitting up on his knees so that he can fuck slower, hit deeper. 

“you were so fucking good today. so fucking good, baby, so good to me, so helpful ‘n’ sweet. i wanna be good to you too, yeah? wanna- wanna give you everything. everything you could ever want.”

he’s perfect for you. the perfect man, the perfect partner. chris would pluck the stars from the sky and hand them to you if you looked at them a second too long.

the hand not fondling your breast touches you gently on the cheek. he caresses it with his thumb before he brushes against the blindfold.

“gonna take this off, baby, alright? gonna give you your treat now, butterfly, you deserve it.”

is this not your treat? what could he possibly give you more than he already is? more than his big cock filling you just right, more than his sturdy hands that know your body inside and out, more than his beautiful lips that map your skin perfectly. 

when he slips the blindfold from your face, the first thing you notice is that the sun has set completely. the room is blanketed in a warm glow by the fairy lights strung along the walls, a lamp on the table by the couch.

the second thing you notice is jisung, gloriously naked and jerking the tip of his cock in a mean fist. he’s looking right at where chris’ dick spears you open. minho sits beside him on the couch, thick thighs spread wide. his movements aren’t nearly as frantic as jisung’s, but he watches you raptly while he squeezes his balls. 

“just like we talked about, yeah? just like you wanted. like you begged me for.” 

truth be told, you thought he forgot about it, but you should have known better when it comes to your sweet chris. he never forgets the important things. it’s happened more than once, a loose tongue when he gets you fucked out and delirious on his cock, a few lingering looks at frat socials. i want all of you to get off on me, to me, fuck. chris, please! please, wanna be covered in your cum so fucking bad. please, wouldn’t it be s-so fucking hot? i can feel how hard your cock is, f-fuck, daddy must want it too! 

“oh my fucking god!” you cry. it’s like a scene from your wildest dreams. your legs spasm, and chris brings his fingers back to your clit. you nearly squeal again at the attention, and everything is too much at once. his cock, his fingers, his treat. you cum hard, squeezing your legs around chris’ shoulders while he rubs you through your first orgasm. your fingers are curled into fists. 

“god, fuck, fuck. did you just fucking cum?” felix asks, and your head snaps towards his voice. if you were any more coherent you’d make a jab about good boys not saying bad words, but he’s stripping his pretty little cock so nicely for you that you can’t think about anything other than his cum coating your tongue. he rushes forward and drops to his knees beside your head, and you open your mouth without him having to ask. “that’s it. fuck, you want it in your mouth?” 

you crane your neck so that you can lap at his uncut tip. his pre-cum bitter on your tongue, and you can’t get enough. you want it all. 

“please give it to me!” a distressed cry against his leaking piss-slit. “felix, felix please give me all your cum!”

he’s a good boy after all. you knew he would be; it’s solidified as he strokes himself off right into your open mouth and onto your waiting tongue. it’s so warm, lands just where you want it to until chris starts thrusting his hips again like he can’t contain it. felix’s last dribbles of cum ooze onto your chin, and your tongue hangs out of your mouth ridiculously to catch any drop you can. 

felix bends down to kiss your forehead when he’s done, and jeongin kneels on the other side to take his place. 

“innie,” you coo. chris grips your hips and bounces you on his fucking cock. a rag doll. “in- innie, innie. y-you too?”

“me too,” he answers. where chris holds your hips, jeongin’s unoccupied hand rubs at your belly. his hand is shockingly cool to the touch, and it feels so good against your warm skin. “me too, you’re s-so fucking pretty. so pretty on hyung’s cock like that…” 

jeongin’s cute. so sexy and cute, his knees wobble where they’re turning pink against the floor. he does something that sends you reeling though, when he picks up your curled fist and pulls your fingers apart so that you can wrap them around his cock instead. he guides you like that, big hand curled over your own to make sure you keep the rhythm he likes. jeongin likes it fast; he likes when you flick your wrist when you reach the tip of his long cock, and he cums all over your cheeks whenever you ask him to. he takes a moment to catch his breath, eyeing the way his hyung’s cock fucks you open. jeongin goes to wipe his cum away and feed it to you when chris stops him.

“just leave it, innie. my baby likes that.”

fuck, do you ever. 

chris gives you a moment to catch your breath, checking in on you with gentle touches and reassuring words. reminding you of your safeword, reminding you that he loves you. 

the megawatt, excited smile you give him lets him know you’re ready for the others, but chris surprises you by slipping his cock from your cunt and patting your thigh.

“come on, up on your knees, lino-yah likes that.”

you want to move fast, but your body moves slowly, and when you finally turn yourself over, minho is standing above you. his chest is flushed pink, and his cock is big. his cock is so big you may or may not drool over it, but chris chooses that exact moment to sheath himself back inside you. he’s knelt behind you and kissing your shoulders, but he pulls both of your arms behind your back and holds them there. 

“are you ready for me?” minho asks, and you open your mouth in response. “would you look at that.” it’s said through a grin, a devilish grin, and he slaps his cock against your cheek, laughing when you turn your head to reach for it. chris uses his grip around your arms as leverage for his thrusts, and your face bumps messily against minho’s cock. they’re playing with you; you can already tell minho wants you desperate and begging for it. 

“please give me your cum,” you whimper, voice jostling as you’re shunted up and down chris’ cock. “s-spit in my mouth, fuck, fuck, anything! please, please minho?” 

“open your mouth then,” minho growls, and you do just as he says, open your mouth wide. your tongue hangs out of your mouth to show him that you’re ready to catch whatever he decides to give you. “tongue out like a damn dog…” 

his spit hits your cheek before you even register that he tried to spit down into your mouth, and you moan loudly. minho just laughs, using his hand to smear his spit over your face. he aims a little bit better this time, thick wad of spit falling directly onto your tongue. he doesn’t have to tell you to swallow it, you do that obediently on your own and then show him your tongue to prove it. your eyes dart from his handsome face to his hand on his cock; the airy grunts that leave his lips tell you that he won’t last much longer. a fucked out smile spreads on your face when you see him staring at your bouncing tits. 

“what the fuck are you smiling at?” he asks, but it’s said through his own easy smile. his thumb brushes the corner of your eye. “close those beautiful eyes. gonna blow my load on your face, hm? you fucking want that, huh?” 

before you close your eyes, jisung comes stumbling up beside his hyung, and minho shifts to the side to give him more room in front of you. jisung’s hand is frantic on his cock, hips bucking wildly when you flutter your eyes at him before they droop closed like minho asked. 

“fuck, fuckfuckfuck, i’m there too. ‘m so fuckin’ close. can i? f-fuck, baby, baby. h-help, gonna- gonna nut on your pretty face.” 

they cum together, you can feel it when they do. jisung grunts like he’s in pain, draining his balls on your face while minho’s airy sighs fill your ears as he does the same. chris fucks you so hard that their cum seeps down your chin and cheeks and strings down to your chest. your hand shakily moves between your legs to find your aching clit; it’s throbbing at your fingertips, and you rub it frantically until you’re jolting through another orgasm, shivering in chris’ hold until he slows down to give you a break. 

“you’re so fucking pretty when you cum,” jisung marvels. “you’re pretty all the time, but- but really, like really when you cum.” you’ve fucked his filter out of him, sweet rambled words flowing without hesitation. jisung wipes the cum off of your eyelid with a gentle thumb while minho pets your hair. 

“you have to move!” hyunjin cries, desperately making his way towards you. changbin and seungmin are right behind him. you think minho would stand in front of you longer to be a shithead, but jisung pulls him back to the couch to give their friends a chance. 

it’s a sight from your deepest, dirtiest fantasies. three of the most beautiful men you’ve ever seen standing above you and jacking their cocks. to your face, to you getting fucked, to each other maybe, all of it. 

hyunjin works his hand over his long, thick cock without taking his eyes off of you, and it’s not until your fingernails dig crescents into your thighs that you realize chris has released your arms. before you can think twice, both of your hands find themselves circling around changbin and seungmin’s cocks. 

“holy fucking shit,” changbin grits through bared teeth. he thrusts his hips forward into your tight grip. much to your amazement, your fingers can barely wrap fully around his fat cock. 

“i told you you owed me earlier,” seungmin says. you vaguely remember that, after chris wet him with the hose during his shoot. “make me cum and we’re even. come on, make me cum. i want to cum on your face too.”

hyunjin is sweating so profusely that it drips onto your face. you wish you had more hands, and it takes a second too long to realize that you have something even better than that: your mouth. your mouth is free, and hyunjin has to clutch onto changbin’s bulky arm when you wrap your lips around his leaking tip. that’s when chris starts to fuck you again, hips rutting harshly against the fat of your ass, and it helps fuck your mouth on hyunjin’s big cock. 

“your mouth!” he cries, eyebrows shooting upwards in beautiful agony. “h-how do you g-get it so- so deep, fuck!” hyunjin’s a mouthful, and you’ve had lots of practice taking mouthfuls with chris. he’s trained you well, making sure you relax your throat and watch your teeth, curl your tongue at the right moments. 

this is hard work. your arms and mouth are tired, but you won’t give up until they give you their cum. you deserve it, you’ve earned it. 

“my baby wants it so bad.” chris finally speaks up, right in your ear, and your pussy pulses in response. “i know, sweetheart, i know. that cunt’s clenchin’ so tight. such a pretty mess for us, yeah?” 

“yes,” hyunjin answers. “yes, fuck, you’re perfect. f-fuck, wait, waitwait- ‘m cumming, oh my-!” 

he lets his cum pool in your mouth before he slips his cock out, jerking himself off through his orgasm. hyunjin completely misses your face, shooting the last of his pearly ropes onto the swell of your bouncing breasts. 

changbin’s moans rise in pitch, and you look into his eyes when he starts to cum in rivulets over your chin and neck. “yes, yes binnie, all over me! my pussy loves that s-so fucking much!” you’re soaking chan underneath you, you can tell. your thighs are soaked, you’re sure the floor is soaked. it’s such a heady feeling, having all of their attention solely on you and taking their cum like a champ. 

seungmin follows shortly after, wrapping your fist in his to help your movements along. your arm is so sore, but you won’t stop until he cums. you owe him after all. 

“that’s it, that’s it, open wide.” you do as he says, and your tongue hangs out of your mouth. you curl it when he starts to cum, moaning happily when his bitter cum seeps into the little cup your tongue has made so you can swallow it all. before you get there though, he brings his fingers to your tongue and swipes his cum up, smearing it across your face. it makes you moan, so overwhelmed by how much cum they’ve given you - just like you wanted, just like you dreamed. 

you close your eyes for only a moment, and when you open them again, chris is standing above you. how you didn’t notice him slipping his cock from your cunt, you have no clue, but all that matters is your handsome boyfriend stripping his cock above your mouth. he holds the back of your head in a strong hand, keeping you in place. like you’d go anywhere. 

“best for last,” you whisper, smiling cheekily and fluttering your clumpy eyelashes at him. cum sticks to your face, chest, and neck obscenely, and you hope he thinks you’re beautiful.  

“that’s fucking right,” he grins back. “my beautiful butterfly. look at me when i cum, yeah? look at me with those eyes. that’s right. that’s right, gonna take daddy’s cum?” you nod. “i love you. thank you, baby, oh my- gosh, stay right there. stay right fucking there…”

he cums with your name on his lips, across your swollen lips and cheeks, but he rides out his orgasm in the warmth of your mouth. you drink him up, swallow his cum and look him in the eyes while you do it, until you feel his cock soften between your lips. you’d hold him like that if you were alone, keep him safe and warm until one of you falls asleep. you’re keen to do it again, but chris kneels down in front of you and kisses his cum from your lips, his friends’ cum. you’re dirty and disgusting, but chris kisses you anyway and slips a hand between your legs while he does it. 

“your turn, baby, come on. one more time for us. everybody’s watching, see? look what you did, baby, you’re perfect. ‘m so proud of you, d’you know that?”

it’ll make him even prouder if you cum on his fingers, and that’s something you can do as easy as breathing.

chan - new years

minho - valentine’s day

changbin - st. patrick’s day

hyunjin - earth day

jisung - may the fourth

felix - pride month

seungmin - summer

jeongin - international dog day

minchan - little black dress day

hyunibini - halloween

jilix - national housewife’s day

seungin - christmas

Evermore, (18+)

♡ Pairing: Beast!Changbin x fem!Reader

♡ Genre: beauty and the beast inspired fantasy au, monster/human relationship, some angst, fluff, eventual smut, mutual pining, slow burnish?

♡ Word Count: 15.1k

♡ Summary: Desperate to flee an arranged marriage, you take your chances fleeing into the woods. The home of countless myths and legends, many in your village believe the forest to be enchanted, with all manner of dangerous creatures lurking within. You never took stock in such tales, much less in that of the most feared of them all– “The Beast.” But when you are saved from a pack of wolves by The Beast himself, you quickly realize that there is more truth to the fables you grew up on than you ever believed. 

♡ Warnings: mention of an arranged marriage for reader, referenced misogyny, risk of death / near death experience, mild blood and injury, bin's appearance as the beast is based on minotaurs because i think it's sexy!, his height is never stated but i pictured him as ~10 feet tall while writing so :)

♡ Smut Warnings: monster fucking but make it Soft and Sweet,  size difference, size kink, bin is touch-starved and feral for reader (but feral in a way that is somehow still soft?), handjob, oral (m + f rec), cum eating

♡ Notes: happy very late birthday to my sweet binnie <3 i wanted to get this out on his birthday but my life has been a mess tbh lmao but i'm back now and here's to loving changbin with my whole heart <3

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

There were many things in your life you were willing to sacrifice for the sake of family.

Time, if they were in need or want of company. Money, whatever little you had, if they were in need of something they couldn't afford on their own. Your health, if they were sick and needed caring, even if giving them aid brought their illness upon you.

But the one thing you could not bring yourself to do was marry that terrible man.

They wanted you to marry a local hunter with some wealth, one who could provide for you and your family with his talents. He wasn't unpleasant to look at, and admittedly his wealth had appeal to families suffering from poverty, but you just couldn't get past his dreadful personality.

He was insufferably arrogant in his pride, and truly awful in his views towards women. He didn't want a wife– he wanted a maid; one he could lie with and have bear his children. His desire for such was clear every time you spoke with him.

You knew that he'd never see you as a partner, or an equal, or even love you. In his eyes, you were nary more than a pretty object for him to do with as he pleased. You didn't want that to be your life, refused to be a glorified servant to such a horrid person.

And so, in the dead of night on the eve of your wedding, you made your escape. Tiptoeing through your house as quietly and carefully as you could, you tucked away what little belongings you had and food your family could spare into a basket, and fled into the woods surrounding your village.

You veered off the beaten path, hoping that if you fled into the dense heart of the forest no one would risk trying to find you. Your village believed the woods to be inhabited by dangerous creatures– all manner of fae and magical beasts that would not hesitate to bring harm to lost humans.

All who left the village stuck strictly to the dirt paved roads, and even hunters didn't wander too far inside the woods. You didn't fear the creatures of fable, to be honest; you didn't even believe they existed. You were an avid reader, and enjoyed your share of fairy tales; you just found it hard to believe such creatures existed beyond the page.

It was risky and dangerous to flee into the woods at night, but not because of the stories of magic beasts and trickster fae; such things were the machinations of imaginative writers, and nothing more. Those who believed in them were simply overly superstitious, fearful of what could be instead of what is.

What you were scared of were the tangible, real threats that you knew very well existed. Wild animals, strange men, violent hunters– those were the things lurking in the woods that people should really be scared of; not silly stories of fairies who lure unsuspecting villagers deeper into the forest.

Regardless of what is real and what isn't, one thing is for certain– the forest is frightening to navigate at night. To ensure you remained undetected and hard to track, you forwent bringing a lantern with you, and having only the moonlight to guide you is both challenging and unnerving.

Even the smallest of noises puts you on edge, but you refuse to stop moving onward. You want to put as much distance between you and the village as you can before your family rises in the morning and notices you missing.

While you doubt many will be willing to follow your trail once they've put together that you've fled off the road and deep into the woods, you can't deny the possibility that someone may wish to try. Especially your arranged husband considering what a skilled hunter and tracker he is.

Still, you do need some rest– you've been walking through the densest parts of the forest for over an hour now, and you're more than a little tired; especially since you only got a few hours of sleep before setting off.

Just a short pause should be acceptable; you can rest against a tree, rummage through your basket for some of the food you tucked away to replenish your energy while giving your legs and feet the break they need.

It's nearly impossible to see inside your basket, so you simply feel for the food you want with your hand. It doesn't take you long to find the loaf of bread you packed inside, and you carefully tear off a piece to eat. You take a bite, and then another, but before you can take a third you hear a noise that makes you freeze.

The snapping of a branch, much louder than any previous forest sounds you heard, followed by a slight rustling of leaves. You look in the direction you heard the noise, met with the terrifying sight of a pair of glowing eyes looking straight at you.

Their low proximity to the ground tells you enough about the creature to make your blood run cold; and as it steps closer, and its silhouette becomes clearer, you realize what you thought was correct. It’s a wolf. And by the way it’s sizing you up, you can guess it’s hungry.

To make matters worse, it soon becomes clear it isn’t the only one as more glowing eyes emerge between the dark trees. You start running before you can even truly think, your body running purely on survival instinct, your basket dropped and forgotten behind you. The small amount of food inside is enough to draw the attention of some of them, but the rest ignore it to give chase.

You flee with all your strength, doing your best not to stumble and fall over protruding tree roots or your own feet. You keep your eyes forward as you do, worrying that looking over your shoulder to see the wolves close behind will only worsen your efforts to get away. 

Your lungs ache, your feet hurt, your dress torn in multiple places from snagging on branches– but still, you can’t stop running. The wolves are faster than you, they’ll catch you eventually, you know it; but the desperation and adrenaline coursing through your veins keeps you going beyond your limits. 

Your legs will give out before long, you'll falter and lose speed, it's inevitable; but you will yourself to keep going for as long as you can despite it. Realistically, your only hope for survival is the wolves losing interest before you grow too tired to continue. But is that even a possibility?

Maybe you should climb a tree? Can wolves climb? No, more importantly, can you? It’s over for you if you misstep or lose your strength during the climb up– falling would assuredly be the end of you. 

Still, maybe it’s worth the risk. You can’t run forever, and it’s unlikely the wolves will give up the chase– better to try and fail than to not try at all, right? If you are to face death tonight, you wish to do so knowing that you tried everything you possibly could to escape it.

You scan your surroundings the best you can whilst running, looking for a tree with a branch low enough to the ground for you to feasibly reach and start your climb. It's a difficult task, the images before you as you run a dark blur; but eventually, you spot a branch you think will be suitable enough.

As you turn your body to reach out for it, one of the wolves lunges towards you, salivating jaws snapping at you. The wolf narrowly misses, instead biting through your dress and tearing a significant chunk of the fabric off, exposing your leg up to your thigh.

You let out an involuntary shriek at the sound of the fabric ripping in the wolf’s jaws, the knowledge that it easily could’ve been your leg chilling you to the bone. You’re terrified, but you can’t let yourself freeze up– it missed, and now is your best chance to get up the tree before it can try to bite you again, or the other wolves catch up with you.

You grab the branch, placing your foot on the trunk of the tree as you ready yourself to pull up your weight, but as you do you’re met with a sound that sinks your heart to the very pit of your stomach. The branch isn’t as sturdy as you hoped; it creaks and splinters as you pull, and it quickly becomes clear that should you attempt to pull your entire weight up with it, it will snap entirely.

So this is it, you think as you turn around to meet the gaze of the snarling wolf. You take a small step back, and then another, until your back is against the tree you hoped to climb. More wolves soon approach, and you know you’re cornered now. There’s nowhere else for you to go, nothing else you can think to try; your fate is sealed.

You try to make peace with it in these last moments you have; this isn’t how you imagined your life would someday end, but you knew the risks when it came to entering the woods. While you hoped differently, this was always a possibility. You were desperate, and you made your choice; and though the outcome is unfortunate, you don’t want to regret making the decision that brought you here.

As the wolves begin to fully encircle you, there is a loud thump in the distance that draws their attention away from you. The sound rings out again, and then again, and as it draws closer, you realize the ground is shaking, a cacophony of twigs and dried leaves snapping with each thump. Certainly you’re mistaken, but it sounds reminiscent of walking..

That’s impossible, isn’t it? The creature in question would have to be massive to cause the earth to shake around you this much, and to snap so many branches with each step. That simply can’t be reality– there’s no way something that big lives in the forest; giants and the like are nothing but fairy tales!

Still, the thumps continue to grow louder as whatever is causing the sounds draw closer, and you’re certain that if you weren’t already against a tree, you would’ve fallen over from how intensely the ground shakes. Some wolves whimper and flee with their tails between their legs, while the more ferocious of the pack stand their ground against whatever it is that approaches.

Its shadowy silhouette soon becomes visible through the trees, the forest floor shaking violently as it comes more clearly into view. You can’t tell what it is, but it's big– impossibly so. It’s too dark to make out features, and its height obscures the moonlight that was previously shining on you. The only thing you can make out through the shadow is.. Horns?

Unconsciously, you suck in a breath; it’s The Beast, you realize as it takes another hulking step towards you and the ravenous wolves. Half man, half monster, violent and aggressive, with an appetite for any foolish enough to wander into its territory. With horns and hooves, it easily towers over even the tallest of human men.

He’s the creature those living in your village fear the most, the subject of many cautionary tales told to children, the conjurer of countless hunter's nightmares. You never believed it– and it is only now that you think maybe you should’ve. Maybe if you had, you wouldn’t have been so reckless in your escape from home.

You wonder which fate is worse; to be eaten by wolves, or eaten by The Beast. You wish you could run while the wolves are distracted, but your legs are frozen; whether from exhaustion or terror, you aren’t sure. Regardless, you stand there trembling and helpless, watching as it easily shoves the wolves aside.

They bite and scratch at The Beast, but it makes no discernable sound of pain. Seemingly unphased, it (or he?) reaches out for you, lifting you from the ground with ease, as if you weigh little more than a feather. You sob as it does, squeezing your eyes shut as you anticipate the pain to follow.

But the pain never comes. Slowly, you open one eye to peek at The Beast; it isn’t looking at you, but simply straight ahead as it resumes walking. He continues to shove off the wolves that attack, and as the animals realize it is futile to stop or slow him, they slowly but surely give up and retreat back to whence they came.

He must’ve made a turn before you opened your eyes, because the moon is no longer obscured by his size, and now illuminates the creature’s face clearly. His face is mostly that of a man’s, with the exception of his nose. 

His nose is a rich brown bespeckled in pink, you can just barely tell, and its shape reminds you of the cattle that farmers own back in your village. You notice that his ears are bovine too, and fluffy in appearance. Brown in color, you think, or maybe black; it’s too dark to tell for certain.

The Beast looks down at you as if it can feel you observing him, and when he does, you can feel his breath envelop your body. Its smell is.. pleasant? Surprisingly so; like mixed berries, with a hint of tea leaves.

You expected something worse, given the tales; shouldn’t he smell like blood, or flesh? Even when his breath leaves you, you don’t detect anything remotely foul coming from him. In fact, his body smells unexpectedly clean.

“Safe now,” The Beast speaks, and you blink in surprise. You hadn’t expected him to be capable of speech, though you suppose it makes sense if he’s half man. It sounds like he’s trying to whisper, but his voice still comes out quite loud regardless; consequence of his size, you imagine. 

But wait– does he mean you? You’re safe now? It occurs to you then that he’s holding you gently in his large arms. He isn’t squeezing you, constricting your movement, or trying to hurt you in any way; he’s simply carrying you. But to where? Though you’re apparently safe, there’s still a part of you that fears you won’t be for long.

It’s likely that as a half man he has some measure of human intelligence, and it’s very possible this apparent kindness is part of a ploy to make eating you easier. Get you to his den, build trust with you so you don’t run, all so he can relish in devouring you later.

Regardless, you’re too exhausted to do anything right now. Fatigue has settled in you now that the adrenaline has run its course through your body. You wouldn’t be able to run in this state, nor be able to fight him off– not that you think you could anyways, but especially not like this. 

Your body falls limp, your eyes heavy, weary. As you close them, all you can do is hope that The Beast doesn’t toy with you in the end. If you wake before he decides to eat you, your wish is that he makes your death swift and painless. That’s all you can ask for as you lose consciousness.

When you blink awake, the first thing you register is that you’re in a bed– a large one at that. It’s comfortable, plush, and warm, if not a tad dusty. The blanket that covers you too is warm, and you realize as you continue to blink away the grogginess that you’re staring up at a darkly colored canopy– a deep purple.

Turning your head to the left, you see stained glass windows with a design of red roses filtering in small amounts of sunlight through worn, tattered drapes. On the right side lies the door to the room you’re in, wooden and carved with a motif of roses identical in design to the one on the windows.

How did you get here? You stare back up at the canopy, trying to recall what happened last night. You were walking for what felt like ages, you got tired and stopped to eat.. Wolves found you, you were running, and then.. The Beast! 

You sit up quickly as the memory hits you, and take a panicked look around the room. He isn’t here, you realize after a moment, and your brows furrow in confusion. Did someone else stumble upon you and save you from The Beast? That must be it– there’s no way the dreaded beast of the forest brought you here.

The entire room is covered in a thin layer of dust, though it’s clear that someone made an effort to clean it recently. For your sake, you wonder? Removing the blanket and looking down, you can see you’re still in your torn clothes from the night before. You rise from the bed carefully, your legs still aching from the events prior to waking up here, and take another, more in depth look around the room you’re in.

It’s a rather empty room, with just a few pieces of furniture strewn about, and a fireplace sitting in the center of the wall opposite the bed you were sleeping in. In one of the corners of the room sits a large wardrobe, and next to it a chair with a dress laid atop it that you assume has been placed there for you to change into. 

You walk over to the chair and take the dress into your hands, and it does seem like it’ll fit well enough when you hold it up to your body. It feels to be made of silk, and while not necessarily lavish, it is much fancier than any of the dresses you could get back home.

You consider for a moment if it’s really okay to change into, but ultimately conclude that it was laid out with a purpose, and you should accept the kindness. Besides, you don’t think remaining in your now tattered dress would do you any good.

You change quickly despite the ache remaining in your limbs, and unsure of what exactly to do with your old clothes, you opt for placing them on the same chair you grabbed the new dress from. Afterwards, you step to the rose-carved door, and slowly pull it open to peek out.

You’re not sure if leaving the room is a good idea, but there’s no one in the hall to instruct you otherwise, and you’re admittedly starving. You hope you can find a kitchen, or the person who kindly saved you so you can thank them and ask them for a meal.

The door opens to a long hallway, lined with lattice windows and rusty knight statues. Wall sconces take up the spaces between the windows, though many are missing the candles meant to reside in them. 

Artwork lines the opposite wall, decorating the spaces between what you assume to be other bedroom doors. Some are askew and others perfectly straight, but all are old and worn. Landscapes, still life, portraits– regardless of type, the paint on each and every one has dulled and chipped, with a layer of dust atop them.

Continuing down the hall past the several closed doors, you come to a set of stairs leading down. Following it down leads to another long hall, though this one is quite different. Multiple chandeliers hang from the ceiling, evenly spaced apart in a line. There are vases and statues of various types; human, gargoyle, angel– some few perfectly intact, but many broken in some way, often missing entire limbs.

There are no windows, and the walls are not painted like in the previous hall, but appear to be carved of stone, with each vase and statue nestled between expertly carved columns. There are only two doors in this hall– one in the center of each wall. Both doors are locked when you try them, and so you move on down the hall, eventually finding yet another set of stairs leading down. 

They bring you to what appears to be a grand entryway. Across from you is an identical set of stairs leading to what is likely a similarly structured wing of the castle you appear to be in. To the left, between both sets of stairs, is a large door that nearly touches the ceiling, and to the right a large open hall with what you think are the doors leading outside at the very end of it.

Simply leaving would be tempting if you weren’t in dire need of a meal, or entirely unsure of where exactly you are. You can tell the castle you’re in is quite old given the state of things, but you can’t think of any such old, worn down castles you’ve heard tale of. All the castles you know of are well occupied by royalty; none, as far as you’re aware, have been left to fall to dust and ruin like this.  

It’s terribly confusing, and if you don’t find a kitchen soon, you at least hope you’ll find someone kind and willing to provide you answers. Forgoing the large door that you’re pretty sure leads to a ballroom, as well as the opposite staircase you’re confident will lead to a hall identical to the one you were just in, you step right, to the entry hall.

There are a few doors on each side, and to your relief, one of them is labeled “Dining Hall.” A dining hall has to lead to a kitchen! Eagerly, you pull open the door, and as you do, you gasp when you realize The Beast himself is standing next to the dining table.

He’s looking straight at you, ears flickering in response to the sound of your gasp. You can’t help but freeze, having convinced yourself that it was impossible for him to be here, for him to have been the one to bring you here. You’re too stunned to move– everything in you was expended when fleeing the wolves, and now all you can do is stand before him.

You can see him much better now than you could last night, his every feature clearly defined by the sunlight filtering in through the dining hall’s large windows. His hair is curlier than you realized, and deeply brown, as are his bovine ears. His cheeks are round, his lips pouty and entirely human in shape.

You can also now see clearly just how broad he is– and strong. His torso, while decidedly man, is still much larger than a regular man’s could ever be. His pecs and arms are muscular and well defined, while his stomach appears to be soft, and maybe a little squishy, with a dark patch of fur trailing down beneath his belly button. 

He is in no way similar to a man beneath that point. The Beast has the legs reminiscent of a bull, every inch covered in thick, dark fur down to his hooves. His legs are much thicker than any you’ve ever seen, human or otherwise; you can only conclude this is because he is as strong in his legs as he is in his arms.

Lastly, is a tail swishing leisurely from side to side behind him. You can just barely see it when he’s facing you, but the glimpses you get of it further reminds you of cattle. Long and thin, with a large amount of fur at the tip of it. Part of you wonders if his fur is as soft as it looks– you didn’t feel it last night to know.

Parts of his arms are messily bandaged, bits of red tainting the otherwise white fabric– blood, you conclude, from when the wolves attacked him. He’s wearing a cape, the same shade of deep purple as the canopy that hung over the bed you woke up in, clasped around his collar bone with a golden buckle. The buckle, similar to the doors and some of the stained glass windows, is beholden with the image of a rose. 

It feels wrong to think so, but he’s attractive– were he a purely human man, you’re certain many village girls would swoon for him.

“You’re awake,” he smiles for a moment, clearly human teeth showing for a split second before he stops and timidly breaks direct eye contact. “I wanted to help with torn dress but couldn’t. Hands too big,” he continues, showing his hands to you to further prove his point– not that you need him to. 

“I picked a new one for you instead, glad you found it. Glad you’re wearing it,” he says, and you’re still too surprised to even speak in turn. “Looks.. Nice?” he says with an unsure tilt of the head. It seems as if he wants to compliment you, but is unsure in his word choice. He looks contemplative for a moment, as if mulling over if there’s a better word he could’ve used. 

You get the impression he isn’t used to interacting with humans. You yourself aren’t used to interacting with beasts.

“I wanted to bring you food. You must be hungry! But I don’t know everything humans like to eat..” he muses as he turns his attention back to the dining table, where you now realize an abundance of food is laid out. Nice food. 

Fruit platters, veggie trays, fine meats.. He has it all. If you weren’t already in awe of The Beast, this alone would floor you, because all this food would cost a fortune in your village unless you grew it and hunted for it yourself.

“This is for me..?” you finally find your voice and manage to ask. He nods and waves his hand, beckoning you to approach the table. Cautiously, you do, still in awe of it all.

Tentatively, you stand next to him before the dining room table, taking a nervous glance up towards him. You knew very well he was big and tall, but your difference in height is positively dizzying up close.

Your own stature barely even exceeds past his waist; if you were to look at him straight on, your eyes would be level with his belly button. His hands are bigger than your head, his legs thicker than your entire body. It’s as amazing as it is frightening– how can a creature this big even exist? You swallow, trying not to think about his size as you turn your attention back to the food.

“How did you get all this?” you manage to ask him; you can’t imagine someone as huge as him going out to collect fruits and vegetables– you imagine he’s much too big to be able to do so without struggling.

“I trade with friends of the forest. Little winged ones love shiny, sparkly things. They give me food in exchange,” he answers as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. Well, for him, it is normal. But you can’t imagine this big, burly man-beast trading with fairies. You’re hardly even ready to accept he’s real, much less that fairies are!

It’s all too much to wrap your head around. Maybe you should just eat– maybe everything will start to make more sense once your stomach is full. You hope.

You find a bare plate on the table, and pick it up to start loading food onto. The Beast watches you, seemingly happy that you’re choosing to eat the food he has out on the table. Once satisfied, you take a seat, giving him one last cursory glance before focusing on the meal in front of you.

“Aren’t you going to eat too? This is a lot of food,” you inquire as you start to nibble on the fruit you picked out. “Wanted to make sure you got enough,” he replies, "You had a bad night, used a lot of energy. Need to have enough food to recover."

You can’t believe how seemingly nice, considerate, and intelligent The Beast is. Not only is he real, but he seems to be genuinely kind and caring. The stories paint him as violent, ferocious, ravenously blood-thirsty.. But the creature in front of you seems so far removed from those things.

“What’s your name?” you ask him, and he seems surprised for a moment. He must not have been expecting you to ask. “Little winged ones call me Changbin,” he answers. You repeat it back to him, and he smiles just a little as he nods his head. “Your name?” he asks after, and he repeats it to himself after you offer it, just the same as you did with his.

“Do you live here?” is your next question, and he nods once more. “Alone?” you follow up, and again he nods. It’s clear that Changbin isn’t the castle's original inhabitant, and you wonder how long it lay abandoned before he claimed it as his home.

Of course, he could’ve killed the owners to take it, but the more you speak with him, you simply can’t imagine him being so cold blooded. He seems too… sweet.

A more pressing question– where are you exactly? You’re certain you’re still within the bounds of the forest, as you saw nothing but trees every time you looked out a window. But if that’s the case, how has an entire castle gone unnoticed? Castles aren’t exactly small– surely you and the other villagers would’ve seen it poking through the top of the trees.

Was it the magic that people believed the forest to hold that left it obscured? Or was it so deep in the forest, with the trees that surround it so tall and dense that even spying it from a distance was impossible? No matter the truth, the simple fact remains that there is much more to the forest than you ever thought, and it’s a lot to digest all at once.

“Why did you save me?” you decide to ask him instead of trying to unravel the mysteries and secrets of the forest. “You needed help,” he answers easily, “humans fear me, but I always try to help.” 

It’s easy to imagine his words true. A human like you, perhaps a hunter accidentally straying too far into the forest. They find themselves lost, hurt, or in trouble, and Changbin finds them.

He tries to help, but in their terror, they flee further into danger, get themselves more lost, strain an already injured leg.. And the ones who make it back tell a terrifying tale of The Beast in the forest who wished to devour them when all he actually wanted to do was help them. It’s a bit sad to consider in all honesty. 

“When you're feeling better, do you want to go back home?” he asks once you’ve finished your meal, and it takes you by surprise. “I’d help you. Take you as far as I could. Help you find path."

He’d really help you get home..? Just like that? You begin to feel bad that even after he rescued you, gave you a warm place to sleep, a new change of clothes and a meal, there was still a part deep inside you that feared what his intentions with you could be.

“No,” you answer after a moment, “I was in the forest trying to get away from home. My life there.. It wouldn’t be good if I went back.” 

“Then.. you stay? I’ll help you. Protect you,” Changbin offers, a faint smile appearing on his lips when you nod.

“I’ll stay,” you affirm. It’ll be strange at first, you’re sure, living in a castle in the middle of the apparently enchanted woods with The Beast your village fears so much. But you’d rather live here, with a physical beast, rather than back home, with the metaphorical one you’d be forced to call “husband.”

Living with The Beast, Changbin, is surprisingly pleasant. It was easier than you expected it to be; almost natural.

On your first official night in the abandoned castle he made his home, he gave you a tour. What was intended to be a tour of strictly the important rooms you’d be expected to frequent turned into a several hour long walkthrough of the entire estate. He took you through the kitchen, the bathrooms, the study, the drawing room, the library, the watchtower– everything.

You could tell which rooms he frequented most by how dusty they were. If there was very little dust, you concluded that he was there often. If there was a large accumulation of it, he stayed out of it.

The watchtower was one of the rooms he liked to be in the most, often finding himself surveying the forest from it. That's how he saw you fleeing the wolves– and the moment he did, he descended the tower in a rush, hoping to get to you before any harm would befall you.

Additionally, you learned that his bedroom is in the opposite wing of yours. Changbin said he purposely chose the room furthest from his own to put you in because he thought you’d be more comfortable that way if you chose to stay for a while. He’s used to humans fearing him, and he wanted to give you whatever distance you’d need to feel safe during your time here.

Truthfully, you stopped being scared of him very quickly. If there was anyone the term “gentle giant” suited, it was assuredly Changbin. He always stepped through the castle carefully, doing his best not to shake the ground too hard and risk shattering glass or knocking over vulnerable statues and vases. 

He knew his voice was booming, so he always tried to speak softly. It was still loud, of course, but you knew it could be much louder if he allowed himself to project it fully. When he handled porcelain or other breakables, he would move his hands so slowly and carefully that you’d think he was holding a newborn baby.

Changbin would often stare at you quietly when you were in the same room, assumedly out of curiosity. He’d never gotten the chance to share a space with a human, or to observe them up close for such great lengths of time; it made you wonder what he must think of you. 

You wondered if there was anything he assumed a human would be that didn’t prove true, similar to how wrong you were about him. You always noticed his staring, and oftentimes when you decided to return his gaze, he’d quickly turn away.

Did he have the gut human instinct to look away when eye contact becomes too intense or prolonged? Was he simply shy? Both?

Sometimes he would smile before he looked away, the faintest peek of a dimple showing on his cheek before darting his eyes elsewhere. Sometimes his cheeks would dust over a soft pink, and other times, on the rare moments he let himself smile more fully, the bridge of his nose would scrunch up similarly to a humans.

Was it strange to say you found such moments cute? He was oddly endearing in the way he went about life, in his mannerisms and complexities. And admittedly, you’d stare at him the same way he stared at you when his attention was elsewhere.

At first, you justified it to yourself by saying you couldn’t help it– you discovered a magical creature that you always thought was nothing more than a story is real. How could you not stare at him? But lately, you weren’t so sure that’s all there was to it.

Changbin was many things outside of being The Beast. He was warm, soft, and sincere. Caring, considerate, and careful. He was.. Attractive. Handsome. Cute. Words you never thought you’d use to describe a creature with protruding horns and other inhuman features. And with each season passed inside the castle together, the more you grew fond of him. 

You spent many afternoons together in the library. You were surprised to learn he could read; something that perhaps shouldn’t have been surprising in hindsight, given his capability of speech, but it still shocked you. The ability to read wasn’t something necessary to his everyday life, but he liked doing it to pass time, or ease the loneliness of living alone.

All the books in the castle’s library were dated, easily hundreds of years old; it was clear that every single book was one left behind by the previous inhabitants, and not a single new book had entered the library since. Their age didn’t make them any less enjoyable however, and in fact you found it exciting to have so many stories you’d never heard of before to dive into. 

Watching Changbin read was a treat within itself. Even the thickest of novels looked comically small in his large hands, and turning pages was always a struggle for him. You couldn’t help but giggle watching him try to turn a single page with his finger, only to instead turn several. There were many times you took it upon yourself to help him once your giggling subsided. 

Given his size, he’d often have to sit in a hunched position, or hold books up quite close to his face to read them. And the words– they must’ve looked so tiny to him; you were certain it was a strain. Then add his struggle to turn pages on top of it..

While it was cute to watch him pout after he turned way too many pages at once, you also didn’t want to just sit idly by if he was having a hard time. Especially not when you were more than capable of assisting him.

He was surprised when you first offered to help him read, curiously tilting his head as he watched you close the book you were reading to walk over to him. Changbin often sat on the floor, much too big and heavy to sit in the castle’s arm chairs or sofas. His place on the floor made it easy for you to climb up his leg, and sit on his thigh. 

“I could turn the pages for you,” you explained, reaching over to the book lying in his hands to demonstrate how easy it is for you to turn the pages one at a time. “Or read them to you, should your eyes grow tired from looking at the tiny words,” you said. 

You remember his smile clearly; how sweet it was, and the way his nose cutely scrunched as his smile grew the biggest you’d seen it. He seemed really thankful; he didn’t say it, but you think it meant a lot to him that you were showing him kindness.

That’s how you fell into a comfortable routine. At least a few afternoons a week, you’d sit somewhere on Changbin’s body; one of his thighs if you were reading the book to him, or his forearm if you were turning the pages for him. Sometimes his shoulder too, if a book needed to be held especially close to his face for him to be able to read the words written.

When the sun would set, and candles needed to be lit, you often sat on his shoulder as he moved about the room, helping him light them. He’d always help you up carefully, offering one of his large hands as support, or carefully wrap his fingers around you to lift you up to his shoulder. He wouldn’t move an inch or take a single step until he was certain you were steady and comfortable.

You’d always get sleepy after that. The moon through the windows, the soft candle light, the sound of turning pages as the wood in the library’s fireplace crackled, the warmth Changbin exuded.. It was just so comfortable; especially if you were sitting on his thigh.

His fur was like a blanket, his broad, soft torso like a warm pillow. And sometimes, when you relaxed all the way against him, you could hear his heart rhythmically beating. It wasn’t uncommon for you to fall asleep, and every time you did, Changbin would carry you back to your room.

He would carefully cradle you in his arms, and you’d unconsciously curl into him as he rose up from the ground to carry you to bed. The doors of the castle, while larger than any typical door, were still too small to accommodate his size. 

He’d have to duck through them while also minding his horns, your body pressing to his chest as he hunched his body to step through them. If you were awake enough to feel it, you never minded it. If you were being honest, you liked it. You liked the warmth when he held you, liked feeling his chest against you, liked hearing the thumping of his heart.

Sometimes, you were tempted to ask him to stay with you, or to ask him to take you to his room. Changbin was just so comfortable and warm– having him next to you all night just sounded like it’d be so pleasant. Safe too; you always felt safe in his presence.

The following mornings, you’d stare up at your canopy and wonder if such thoughts were okay to have. Changbin was a man– an inhuman man, but a man all the same. And it was in these moments, alone in your room and fresh from sleep, contemplating where you are and the life you lead now that you realize you are more than just fond of Changbin. 

You knew you would never leave the castle, but it wasn’t just because your best chance at survival and protection was here. It was because the thought of leaving him behind made your heart squeeze painfully in your chest. You didn’t like contemplating what a life without him in it would look like. 

And it was almost funny how despite being a beast, Changbin was the kindest man you’d ever known. Complicated as it may be, you think you love him more than you should. You want him more than you should.

It’d hit you when you shared meals, and he’d watch you with his impossibly dark, warm eyes. His attentive stare made you warm– too warm. You’d swallow, try to focus on anything other than his full lips, or the swell of his chest, or the flex of his arms when he reached out to grab a piece of meat. 

It'd hit you when you watched him split wood for the fireplaces with his bare hands. Your heart would swell when you'd step out to the gardens, and he'd carefully maneuver so as to not crush the growing flowers. From innocent, sweet love to deepest, carnal desire, and then back again, your thoughts of Changbin were like a pendulum.

It’d even hit you in the moments of comfortable silence, when ease settled over you both at day's end. When you’d tentatively steal glances at each other until your eyes accidentally meet, and you both look away, bashful and unsure. 

You’d feel it creeping on you, warming your body exponentially until you felt feverish with desire to be closer to him. Even alone, in bed or in the bath, your thoughts would linger on him. Innocent thoughts and curiosities about how it'd be for him to kiss and hold you quickly give way to perversion– impure thoughts you really, really think you shouldn’t be having. 

You needed to get yourself together. There’s no way an intimate relationship is feasible between you– you shouldn’t even be entertaining the thought. But God, you can’t stop your mind from going there. Even just watching him lick his lips and fingers clean after he finishes eating is enough to get your heart racing these days.

Every day, you desperately try to ignore it.

It’s easier on the days you venture outside the castle’s familiar walls. Warm, sunny days, where you explore the forest from the safety of Changbin’s broad shoulder. He showed you so many things you’d never seen before, things you never thought were real.

Fairy villages, magic healing ponds, meadows of enchanted flowers. His fairy friends were excited to meet you, and similar to Changbin himself, you realized they were much kinder than tales would lead you to believe. 

They were tricksters, yes; many were fond of a good prank. But really, they just wanted to have fun, and there was no inherent harm in that. (Though Changbin did advise you to speak carefully, lest you accidentally end up in a fae pact he’d have no way to help you out of.)

You watched Changbin trade with them too. A few beads from a broken necklace or marbles from a forgotten child’s playset he found within the castle you called home was all he needed to provide to receive bushels of their freshly grown fruits and vegetables.

If you returned back to the castle with a good chunk of daylight left, you’d spend them together in the castle’s flower garden. It was overgrown, and sometimes hard to navigate, but you always enjoyed your time there. Changbin would always set you down to the ground carefully, letting you roam the garden at your leisure while he picked a sunny spot in the grass to relax in.

You got the idea to make him a flower crown once. It was something you and other village girls enjoyed doing, and it was common to give them to people you cared for. It was simple, but you thought it’d be a good way to show your appreciation to Changbin for all the ways he helped you since the day you met him. 

You wondered, as you went around the garden picking flowers, if he had ever received a gift before. Apart from his dealings with the fairies, he lived a very isolated life before he met you. And while the fairies were his friends to some extent, you couldn’t imagine them giving something away without receiving something in return. 

You suppose you just wanted him to have the feeling of joy that comes with a gift. The warm feeling that settles in your chest when you realize someone was thinking of you, the delight that seeps inside you when you see the effort they made to give you a visual representation of how much they care for you. You were thinking that Changbin deserves to have that feeling.

When you were done collecting what felt like dozens of flowers, you sat yourself in the sunny grass clearing next to Changbin. He was lying flat on his back, the sun highlighting his face beautifully. His eyes were closed, and the soft snores (for his size, anyways), told you he’d fallen asleep. 

You observed him for a moment, smiling to yourself over how soft and cute his features looked whilst sleeping before you got to work on the flower crown. It took quite some time considering you had to make it much larger than you typically would. Changbin eventually stirred awake and sat up, watching you work curiously but ultimately saying nothing as he observed– he didn’t want to distract you.

“Finally! All done!” you exclaimed after threading the final of the flowers you picked together, and Changbin did his usual inquisitive tilt of the head. “It’s pretty. What is it for?” he asked, watching as you rise to your feet with your creation in hand. “It’s a flower crown,” you answer as you hold it out to him to accept, “for you.” 

He simply blinked in response, saying nothing as he processed the information. It may not have been the first time he’d ever been given a gift by another, but it was certainly the first one he’d ever received from a human. You didn’t intend to let it be the last, either. “Crown?” he finally asked after a moment, “I wear it?”

“Mhm! Like this,” you said as you held the crown around your head to try to show him what you meant. “It’s too big for my head since I made it for you, but.. Here, let me put it on you!” You hooked the flower crown you made gently around your arm after you spoke, and grabbed at one of his hands.

Changbin understood what you wanted him to do, and so he lowered his hands to the ground so that you could step onto them. You sat on your knees whilst in his hands, finding it much easier to keep your balance that way as opposed to standing; and then, as he had many times before, he lifted you carefully up.

You instructed him to tilt his head towards you, and he did without question. It occurred to you then that maybe you underestimated how big you needed to make the flower crown.

The one you made was definitely big– too big for a human head, that was for sure. Still, Changbin is at least double the size of every man in your village, and he has horns. Realizing there was no way to make it sit around his head the way it's intended to, you opted for simply placing it on his head between his horns, and letting it rest there.

You smiled at him when he lifted his head, and told him what you truly thought– that he looked cute. “Really?” he questioned, surprised to be considered such. There have been many words by humans and his little winged friends used to describe him, and ‘cute’ wasn’t usually among them.

You watched him as he processed his thoughts, another few moments passing before he moved his hands to one of his shoulders, urging you to get on. You did, clinging to his cape tightly when he moved faster than you expected him to. Changbin was always patient and careful when you were on him, always moving slowly– you hadn’t anticipated the sudden change in the slightest. 

You were a little confused, unsure of what his sudden rush to leave the gardens was, but it quickly became clear; he was looking for somewhere to see his reflection. He tried the fountain first, but when he realized he couldn’t see himself clearly enough in the water, he made his way back to the castle.

The entry doors to the castle were tall and wide enough that he didn’t have to hunch or awkwardly step through them, but he still moved carefully through it. Despite his rush to see himself, he still wasn’t walking as fast as you both knew he could.

He was trying his best not to break the glass and porcelain inside nearby cabinets with his steps, though he was still moving quick enough that the castle’s floor shook as he continued through the entry hall. His desire to be careful even whilst in a rush was endearing; it brought a smile to your face.

The ballroom was Changbin’s ultimate destination. It had a large mirror, floor to ceiling, encompassing a substantial chunk of the wall opposite the windows. It was the only room in the entire castle that had a mirror large enough for him to see his entire reflection with, from the tips of his horns all the way down to his hooved feet.

His eyes changed when he first saw his reflection– so fast that you would’ve missed it if you’d blinked. He got up close to the mirror, examining himself with the flower crown you made for him resting between his horns, and truly, he looked happy.

You chose the colors of the flowers well, each one meant to compliment the deep brown of his hair. Soft yellows, vibrant blues, and light, pretty pinks– each selection, in your eye, was perfect. You were relieved that Changbin seemed to agree.

He wasn’t just looking at the flowers atop his head in the reflection though; he was also looking at you. Sat there on his shoulder, looking at him with more kindness than he’d ever felt from anyone. Your eyes met through the reflection, and he could feel his heart starting to beat faster– he wondered if you could feel it too, with your legs dangling over his chest.

He’d never felt this way before, and didn’t know what to do with himself. He knew from his books that humans give gifts to people they care about, and for many reasons. Kindness, appreciation, love.. What was your reason? He found himself hoping it was all of them. He hoped you cared about him as much as he cares about you.

“Thank you,” Changbin said, realizing that he should’ve done so from the start. He thought maybe he should read more books on human manners and improve himself. He hoped he didn’t seem inappreciative by taking so long to thank you for doing something kind for him. His worries melted away when you smiled at him again though, sincere and sweet as always.

“You’re welcome! You’ve always done so much to help me, I wanted to thank you somehow,” you explain. Changbin didn’t think you needed to thank him for anything. No matter who it was out in the forest that night, he would’ve helped them. He’d have let them stay in his home, fed them, and made sure they were well.

But he’s glad it was you; he doesn’t think he could envision the castle without you in it anymore. There may come a day when you grow tired of Changbin being your only companion, and of your daily life in the castle. On that day, you may wish to return to human society, even if your return isn’t to the village you grew up in. 

He’d let you go if you wanted to; he’d never, never force you to stay. But he hopes you stay. He hopes that you’ll always be here with him.

“But that’s not the only reason I made it,” you continued, finding a moment of bravery to be a bit vulnerable with your feelings. Changbin watched your expression change in the mirror, your brightness replaced by something more timid as you twiddled your thumbs.

Apart from your tentative first nights here when you were still getting comfortable with his presence, you always met his gaze head on while talking. This was the first time since then that you hesitated to look him in the eye whilst speaking to him, even if it was just eye contact through the ballroom mirror. He found it curious; he wondered if he should be worried.

“The girls in my village also like to make these for people we care about. I wanted you to know that too. That I care about you,” you told him. It felt incredibly nerve wracking to say it aloud, though you didn't think he'd pick up on the underlying romantic sentiment that village girls usually tied to their gifted flower crowns.

Honestly, it was okay if he didn’t recognize how much you like him. Perhaps in some ways it was better if he didn’t; because you are a small human, and Changbin is so much more than that.

Difference in anatomy aside, you don’t think humans and beasts are supposed to have deep feelings for one another. Friendship was fine, you thought, but love? You just weren’t sure that was a line you should cross.

Still, regardless of whether or not such feelings towards him were okay to have, they were already there. Before that day, you thought you loved him; but seeing him look at you, pink in the cheeks and happy, with the flower crown on his head that you made him, you knew for certain.

You love him. And watching the concern melt away and turn to joy when you told him you care about him was more than enough to tell you how deeply you adore him.

You decided to leave the moment with one last, small gesture. You leaned over, and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. It was a simple, innocent sign of affection, but his heart stuttered all the same, as did yours.

“I care about you too,” he’d said with his usual soft, timid smile when you looked at him again, the pink on his cheeks deepening, "very much.”

Laying awake as you are now, recalling your memories with Changbin, you yearn for him even more. You want him beyond friendship, foolish and impossible as it may be. You want to tell him you love him, to kiss him, to lie with him at night and feel his warmth envelope you all over. 

You want to touch him, want him to touch you, want to straddle as much of his waist as you can as he lies beneath you, and– God, enough, you huff to yourself. You roll over, bury your head in your pillows and let out a frustrated yell into them. 

You wish you knew what to do with these feelings. How would things go if you simply told him? What if you said nothing, and instead acted on them in one of your quietly shared moments of comfort? Would he accept your kiss? Would he return your feelings?

Tossing onto your back once more, you stare up at your canopy as you always do when your brain is plagued by thoughts of Changbin. You sigh after a moment, and close your eyes, wondering if he ever lies awake at night like you do, if he has feelings like yours that he too doesn’t know what to do with. Though you probably shouldn’t, you can’t help but hope that he does.

The arrival of winter didn't make your struggle with your feelings for Changbin any easier. The outdoors used to serve as a distraction; your growing love and attraction to him was never truly silenced, but at least you found it easier to focus your attention elsewhere whilst you were outside the castle walls.

All you can do when you're inside the castle is think of him. When you're in the same room, you find it hard not to stare at him. And sure, you stared at him a lot before, but now it felt different; because before, you were simply curious about him. Now it's purely because you're too lovesick to look anywhere else.

When you read books together, you often find that you don't actually remember what happened in the story. At some point, your thoughts always travel to Changbin, and they linger there despite all efforts to focus on the book in your hands.

The fact that his body is touching yours more often these days doesn't help. It's a particularly cold winter, perhaps the coldest it's ever been in all your years. Snow is piled up to your calves when you step outside, tree branches are completely frosted over, and icicles hang from nearly every inch of the castle's exterior.

Suffice it to say, you are often very cold. Changbin doesn't suffer from the cold nearly as much as you do, but he does his best to keep the castle warmer for your sake. The minute you step into a room he lights the fireplace for you, and you stick close to it, sitting before it with a blanket wrapped around your shoulders.

But even still, you found yourself shivering much more than either of you'd like. The only time you stopped was when you were in his lap, likely thanks to the inhuman amount of warmth that radiates off his body.

So now, instead of sitting or laying in his lap just being a part of helping him read, you'd spend a majority of your winter days there, clinging to his warmth. He'd sit himself as close to the fireplace as he could, with you curled snuggly on his lap.

His fur was like an extra blanket, warm and soft and comfortable. Nearly every day was spent next to the library's fireplace, as reading was about the only thing you could do whilst trying to stay warm.

Though, as previously stated, you found it hard to focus on reading lately. And even when you did manage to focus on the words in front of you, your eyes would quickly grow heavy; Changbin was just too comfortable to lay on– you just couldn't resist dozing off.

Every night was cold, but some were worse than others. On the first of one of those extra chilly nights, when the time in which you'd go your separate ways for bed came, Changbin hesitated to carry you back to your room. Even if he lit your fireplace before he left, you'd be cold without him, he knew it for a fact.

He looked down at where he held you in his arms, asleep and curled into him, cozy and warm, and he made a decision; he took you to his room. You would understand, he thought. You may be confused when you wake up in a room that isn’t your own, but you’d understand why you were there.

And you trust him now; you wouldn’t be upset with him, especially not when he has your best interest at heart. He hoped not, anyways; in his experience, humans can be unpredictable. But you're a good human– one that he likes and cares for more than he ever has for anyone else.

With such thoughts in mind, he carried you to his room. And as he hoped, you weren't upset in the slightest to wake up the next morning beside him (or more accurately, atop him.)

You were certainly confused at first, opening your eyes and blinking away sleep only to be met with slightly unfamiliar surroundings. The windows and the view through them were the same, but the room was brighter than your own, with no curtains to obscure the sunrays pouring over you. There was less furniture strewn about than in your own room, and you were higher up from the ground than you’d be if you were lying in your own bed.

It took a moment for you to become cognitive enough to register that the reason for this, along with what the blissful warmth you were feeling was, was Changbin's body underneath you. One of his hands was resting on your back too, heavy and limp with sleep, but you didn't mind it. Strangely, you found the weight of his hand on your back comforting.

Your head was on his chest, and you could hear the rhythmic beating of his heart, slow but steady. That too, was comforting. You closed your eyes again, but you didn't fall asleep like you might otherwise expect. You were simply basking in the comfort, enjoying lying with him in bed like you'd been wanting to for so long. You wondered if he'd let you stay even once winter came to an end. 

When you felt him begin to stir awake, you lifted your head to look at him, watching him fondly as he stretched and hummed, and blinked away the last bits of whatever dream he was having. When your eyes met for the first time that morning, he seemed apprehensive; it was easy to deduce that he thought you may be uncomfortable with his choice to bring you here. 

Ideally, he would've asked you first, or let you know that the option would be available should you want it; but when he thought about how cold you'd be shivering alone in bed, he just couldn't leave you be. When you smiled at him and whispered a soft good morning, you saw nothing but pure relief in his eyes.

You knew Changbin's heart, that he was nothing but sweet and caring. The trust you placed in him, and the way you wordlessly understood him made his heart soar. But not just that– laying with you every night, and waking up to you in general made his body react in ways entirely foreign to him.

Naturally, from that cold winter’s night onward, you always slept with him. Your body, so soft and smooth, felt good pressed against him. If you weren’t yet asleep when he’d lie down with you in his arms, you’d hug him after you both settled in; your arms obviously couldn’t wrap fully around him, but you’d still try to get as much of his body in your embrace as you could manage to. 

And every morning, when you’d sit up in his lap and look down at him, his heart would always stutter, his already incredibly warm body growing hotter. Your sweet smile, your softly spoken “good morning”s, the way your lightly tousled hair beautifully framed your face– all of it affected him in ways he never imagined would happen to him.

Changbin knew of such feelings conceptually– he’s read more than his fair share of novels featuring romantic subplots within the library. But he always thought such experiences and sentiments would be out of reach for him; he was the only one of his kind in the forest, and normal humans feared him too greatly to build a bond with him.

Even you feared him at first, and while he hoped that it wouldn’t always be that way, he wouldn’t have been surprised if you never grew to like him. He was so, so happy when, in only a short time, you were no longer scared of him. He was even happier when you showed him kindness. He was happier still when he realized you considered him a friend. Having a companion after so many years of loneliness was more valuable to him than words could express.

In some ways, he supposes falling in love with you was natural. How couldn’t he fall in love with the first person to ever see him for who he was past his appearance? The first person who told him they liked his appearance. He didn’t believe you the first time you said it– how could he? All he’d ever known before from humans was fear and scorn.

He didn’t know how to accept it, always left in disbelief when you complimented him. But even if he didn’t quite believe it, he still liked hearing it. He liked it when you called him cute, or said he looked handsome, or kissed his cheek after calling him sweet.

He liked when you smiled at him, and the way you’d try to hold his hand despite how much smaller yours were than his. He liked listening to you talk, whether it was because you were reading a book to him, or because you had a lot on your mind; he could listen to you for hours, no matter the topic.

He likes hearing about your dreams, he likes the sound of your giggle, he likes the way you twirl in your dresses. He liked it when you taught him how to dance, and how you encouraged him when his steps were initially awkward. He liked how thoughtful and good you were to him. He likes that you help him believe he truly is all the kind things you describe him as.

No, he shouldn’t say he likes those things about you– it was much more accurate to say he loves them. Changbin loves everything about you. He wants to tell you as much, but he never imagined it’d be so difficult to say; he always thought that when the characters in his books struggled to find the words, it was merely exaggeration for dramatic effect.

In reality, it actually is quite hard to speak such things aloud. Changbin is normally a very candid person, able to speak whatever he thinks freely; but when it comes to you, and the feelings he has for you, his mouth runs dry, the words lodging in his throat. And realistically, should he even say them?

He knows it's true when you compliment him, he knows that you genuinely care for him and enjoy his company. But it’s hard to believe you can love him, it’s hard not to think he’s too different from you, hard to completely shut out the memories of humans fearing him. Sometimes, he’s scared that deep down there’s a part of you that still fears him.

"Changbin? Are you asleep..?" your voice calls to him softly, breaking him from his thoughts. It honestly startled him just a little; he's so used to you already being asleep before you're brought into the room, or falling asleep quickly if you aren't. He hadn't expected your voice to break the silence. 

As is typical for your nightly arrangement, you're lying atop him with your head on his chest. It's only now that he realizes your fingers have been absentmindedly tracing his skin the entire time he was lost in thought. 

Changbin doesn't have a bed in the traditional sense– he's much too big to fit on human mattresses. Instead, he has various pillows and blankets piled together on the floor. It's surprisingly comfortable, but you always find yourself laying on him, rather than next to him on his makeshift bed. 

"I'm awake," he murmurs, trying to keep his voice as soft and low as possible, "..was thinking." You hum, and lift yourself up to look at him. The room is dark, but his lack of curtains allows you to clearly make out his features in the moonlight.

He can see you just as clearly, and it makes his heart squeeze in his chest; you're always so pretty when the moon illuminates you. 

"So was I. Made it hard to fall asleep," you reply, and Changbin eyes you curiously. He can tell by your somewhat solemn expression that something seems to be weighing on you. "There's something I've been wanting to ask you for a while now, something I can't stop thinking about," you continue. 

Changbin swallows, suddenly nervous. Given where his thoughts were just moments ago, he can't help but fear that the moment he's been dreading has finally come– this is where you ask him to take you home.

Maybe not home, as the village you grew up in is a place you don't wish to return, but away from here– away from him. Back to human society where you belong, to a place that he could never hope to follow, a place he could never live in with you.

"Wh-What.. What is it?" he asks, hesitant; he really hopes you can't tell how anxious he is, but he's certain his voice has betrayed it already. He wishes he wasn't so terrified of losing you.

Even in the dim lighting, you could clearly see the way his expression changed to one of immense trepidation. You wonder if he's nervous because he can see that you're nervous. It takes you a moment to even begin to speak again, timidly fidgeting with your fingers as you try to will your voice to return to you.

"Have you ever.. been in love..?" you ask him, voice so soft and timid that Changbin almost misses it, even with his exceptional hearing. You watch as his ears flick, his eyes widen slightly as he takes your question in, his cheeks growing ever so slightly pinker.

His surprise is to be expected– from his perspective, this question must seem incredibly out of the blue. But truthfully, it's been eating at you for weeks. You know you're in love with Changbin, but you don't know how possible it is for him to love you back. You don't know if he's ever loved anyone at all– and you have to know.

If not to give yourself hope, then to put your infatuation with him to rest once and for all. If he rejects you, living with him may be awkward for a time, but at least you could try to put an end to your hopeless pining.

Changbin blinks, unsure how to respond. If he were to answer on the basis of what his life was like before you were in it, then the answer was no– he'd never been in love. Never, in all his years, had met someone and fallen for them.

But if he were to answer for the present.. Is he in love now? Yes, he is– he's in love with you. Your eyes search his desperately, and it's clear there's an answer you're hoping to hear– but which answer is it? You chew your bottom lip nervously as you watch him consider his answer. "No, and yes," he finally responds.

"No, and yes..?" you mimic, uncertain and curious. Changbin nods, and he's thankful you're no longer laying on his chest, because you'd certainly hear the quick, erratic thumping of his heart.

"I was never in love. Not before. I.. am in love now," he says, letting out a nervous exhale as the last word leaves his lips. The implication is clear, and he watches apprehensively as your eyes widen, and the truth fully settles itself within you.

Changbin is always honest and forthright, in a way that humans typically never are. Free of societal norms and expectations, he's never had to lie about anything, nor does he feel the need to. So when he looks into your eyes, deep and vulnerable, and tells you that what he feels now is love, you believe him entirely.

"Me too," you utter softly, voice a timid whisper, "I was never in love, not before.. I am now."

Changbin sits up from his makeshift bed, quickly bringing one of his large hands to your back so that the sudden movement doesn't cause you to topple off him. He doesn't want to be lying down when he asks you if this means what he thinks it does– he wants to meet your gaze directly.

"Do you mean that? Can you really love me?" he questions, hopeful but unsure– it nearly breaks your heart that he even has to ask. If there's anything in your life that you're certain of, it's that Changbin is the best man you've ever known.

It doesn't matter that he's not entirely human, it doesn't matter that he eclipses you in size and stature, it doesn't matter that he has horns, hooves, and a tail. All that matters is how he treats you, and makes you feel; and you've never known anyone who makes you feel as warm, safe, and cared for as he does.

Sitting in his lap, you look up at him and smile, warm and affectionate. "I've never meant anything more than I mean this– I love you, Changbin."

In all his life, even at his loneliest and most isolated, in his most saddened and hurt, he'd never had the urge to cry. But now he feels it, welling from deep inside and choking him up. He's always wanted to be accepted, loved– even when it seemed impossible and entirely irrational, he wanted it.

What is it that humans do when they're filled with so much emotion for another? All his books have different answers, but there's one that sticks in his mind predominantly– they get married. And perhaps he can't marry you the way a human man can, but he can make the same vow; he can, and will, promise to love you for the rest of your lives.

You reach out to him, placing your hands on round cheeks, the heat of his blush incredibly warm on your palms. "Can I kiss you?" you ask him, and he sucks in a breath, nodding shyly. His ears pick up on the loud thumping of his quickly beating heart– he wonders if it's loud enough for you to hear it too.

You lean up as he leans down for you, both of you closing your eyes as you touch your lips softly to his. You linger there, feeling the blush on his cheeks flare with more heat as you kiss him. When you pull back, you can see his eyes sparkling with awe and adoration. Shyly, he breaks his gaze away from your eyes, darting them down to your lips; it’s easy to tell he wants to kiss you again.

With your hands still on his cheeks, you guide him back to you. You kiss him again and again, slow and gentle. Eventually, you let your hands move to his chest, and you can feel the rapid thumping of his heart beneath your fingertips. He brings one of his hands to your waist, and pulls you closer, until your tiny body is flush with his.

His lips are so plump and soft, and now that you know what they feel like against your own, you never want to stop kissing him. Unfortunately for you, your lungs are much smaller than Changbin’s, and you run out of breath very quickly, often having to be the one to pull away first.

He always watches you intently when you do, all the care and affection he has towards you pouring out of him in droves as he stares at you. But there's a new emotion written in his eyes too– desire, yearning. All you’ve done is kiss him, but he’s positively, undeniably enchanted by you, a deeply rooted need for more of your touch clawing its way to the surface.

When you kiss him again, you tentatively run your tongue across his bottom lip. The feeling jolts him, sending a shiver down his spine. He parts his lips, cautiously slipping his tongue out to run over yours, butterflies erupting in his stomach over the soft noise of approval you give him in response. 

His tongue is longer than yours, as well thick and textured– it makes you imagine what it’d feel like if you progressed further, and allowed him to run it over every inch of your body. For now, you simply open your mouth for him, letting him lick and explore; it fills you with a strange sensation unlike anything you’ve ever felt, but you love it. 

Changbin carefully scoops his hands beneath you, lifting you up so he doesn’t have to hunch down to kiss you anymore. You wrap your arms around his neck, clinging to him as closely as you can whilst your kisses continue to deepen and become more heated. He eventually grows just as breathless as you, his broad chest heaving as his thirst for you grows in intensity. 

It’s almost too much for him– the feeling of you in his hands, of you trying to press as much of your body to him as you can, of your sweet scent all over him. The need he feels for you goes beyond anything he’s ever felt, a deep innate hunger and desperation beginning to gnaw at him, clawing at his sense of reason.

He wants more of you– how much more he doesn’t know, but to simply kiss you isn’t enough. All of you, he thinks; he needs all of you in every way. He wants to feel you everywhere, to taste you everywhere, needs to experience the depths of love and intimacy with you.

He’s been trying for so long to deny how bad he wants it, so scared of scaring you off with unwanted advances– but now that he knows you feel the same as him, now that you’re kissing him like this, fevered and hungry, he can’t deny his craving for you any longer.

“Please,” Changbin whines under his breath when you next pull away, his voice the most light and airy either of you have ever heard. Anything, he’ll take anything you’re willing to give him– he just wants you, so badly he can hardly think straight anymore. It sends a wave of heat through your body, butterflies thrashing in your stomach. 

“Set me down, please?” you ask, and instantly he worries that he crossed a boundary, made you uncomfortable by wanting too much too soon. Still, he does as you ask, lowering his hands to the ground so you can reunite with the ground. He swallows nervously as he watches you step off his hands; thankfully, some of the tension he feels is eased when you shoot him your characteristically sweet, yet currently more bashful, smile.

The heat on his face flares when you break your gaze away from his face to look at his erection, fully unsheathed and visibly leaking large amounts of pre-cum. It’s thick, as is to be expected given his size, but to actually see it with your own eyes is astonishing. “Sorry,” he mumbles, embarrassed, starting to grab one of the many blankets littering the floor so he can cover himself.

You shake your head and reach for his hand, stopping him in his tracks. He slowly sets the blanket back down, both of you gazing at each other shyly as you swallow down your nerves to speak. “I want to.. Can I touch it..?” you ask, and oh, the way he throbs from the question alone. You can see it, heavy where it lies against his thighs, throbbing with desire and anticipation.

“Y-You- you want to?” he asks, very nearly sent reeling when you shyly nod your head. He’s wanted this for so long; and he tried not to, really. It felt inappropriate to want you that way, almost shameful every time he got hard with you in mind.

You always interacted with each other so sweetly, innocently– it felt perverse to lie in his makeshift bed at night and throb over the way your breasts looked pressed together in your dresses, or over the glimpses he got of your legs and thighs when you twirled around.

It wasn’t this way from the start; when he rescued you deep in the woods, he had nothing but pure intentions. He didn’t know you were beautiful, he didn’t know how soft and sweet you were, didn’t know how radiant you were in body and soul. He didn’t know he’d grow to love you, nor could he have predicted how badly he’d want you as his infatuation for you grew. 

Little does he know that you always wanted him just as bad, your late night thoughts always consumed by him. None of the village men ever made you feel the way Changbin does, never made your heart race or stomach erupt in butterflies, never filled you with such insatiable need for touch. 

“Ahh, I-” he exhales, trying to discreetly wipe away the sweat accumulating in his palms due to his nerves, “I.. yes, please, I’d like it.” Even just the thought of you touching his cock makes him feel like his heart is going to leap out of his chest– he has no idea how he’ll feel when you actually do it. Still, he wants it; and he watches you, unconsciously holding his breath as he waits for you to act.

He’s leaking so much, and it occurs to you that your dress will get very wet and messy if you leave it on while you touch him. The thought of being naked in front of Changbin makes you nervous, but also excites you somehow; and technically speaking, he’s always naked in front of you– apart from the cape he wears during the day, anyways. So there’s no reason to be so shy about it, right?

You gaze up at him, still timid despite the pep talk you’re giving yourself internally, and you reach behind your back to untie the ribbons that keep your silk gown on your body. You can hear Changbin’s breath hitch as the fabric loosens and begins to fall away, your bare torso becoming visible to his eyes for the first time. 

Your breasts were so pretty, so full– and yet even then, they’d surely look small in his large hands. Still, you weren’t done revealing yourself to him just yet; reaching lower down your back, you loosen another ribbon– the one keeping it held around your waist. Your gown falls down your hips and to the floor once untied, now left only in your panties before his eyes. 

Fuck, he wants to touch you– but you asked him first, and he’s not going to interrupt whatever you have planned for him. You step closer to him, and climb up his leg to sit yourself on one of his large thighs. He can’t help but gasp when you bring your hands to his cock, and just as you thought it’d be from seeing it, it’s heavy.

It’s much too thick to wrap your fingers around, your hands appearing impossibly small in comparison. You rub your hands over his sensitive tip, glancing up at Changbin’s face when he lets out a whine. Your hands quickly become slick from the steadily leaking pre-cum, gliding easily up and down the length of his cock. There’s not as much friction as there’d be if it was Changbin’s own hand, but he prefers this despite it– having you touch him is much, much better.

He moans when you lean forward to kiss and lick the tip, his pre-cum smearing over your lips and cheeks. He fists the blankets below him, his breaths growing harsher as he watches you work him up. Your hands stroke his length in a steady rhythm while you continue to lavish his tip with attention using your mouth, and he can’t help the frequency of his whines and moans.

He already feels so close– you're so soft, so wet, it drives him crazy. When you stop kissing and licking his cock, you sit up to look back up at him, and God, the sight of you– you’re glistening with his pre-cum and your own saliva. It’s dripped down your chin, falling to your breasts and the sight proves too much for him– he whimpers, stuttering out your name as his cock twitches and spurts of thick cum begin to shoot from the tip.

You make a noise of surprise, watching in awe as it coats your bodies; his stomach, your whole torso, your hands– you wouldn’t be surprised if some ended up on the blankets beneath him too. Your stomach flips when he finally comes down from his high and looks at you. Reddened cheeks, flushed body, harsh breaths– and yet he still gazes at you hungrily.

“Your turn,” he breathes as he effortlessly scoops you into his hands, paying no mind to the mess that covers you. His carnal desire for you is fraying at him, his shyness becoming increasingly eclipsed by his need. “Can I-” he starts, lifting you up towards his face, “Is it okay? Can I do the same for you? Please?”

He’s sure you can feel how much his hands are trembling for you– he hasn’t even seen between your legs yet, hasn’t yet tasted you, but his mind already feels like it’s in a frenzy. “Yes, please,” you tell him with a nod, and he brings you closer, responding with an appreciative, hungry kiss. He licks away the mess left there, then swipes his tongue over your torso, not at all minding the taste of his own cum.

You squirm in his hands, and when he’s done, he gently nudges you with his nose, urging you to lay back. Your back meets his fingers, your butt cradled in his palms while your legs dangle over his wrists. “Can you take them off like this?” he asks, and you nod, letting out a nervous exhale as you bring your hands to your sides, and hook the hem of your panties in your fingers.

You know Changbin would never drop you or let you fall, but you’re still careful not to make big movements as you slide them down your thighs, and then lift your legs to pull them off. You toss them aside, and shyly spread your legs open for him to look at your dripping pussy. You smell so sweet– he imagines that you’ll taste even sweeter. 

You shiver when he starts by placing kisses between your thighs, your legs spreading further apart to accommodate him. He sticks out his tongue, and the whine you let you when he licks between your folds is intoxicating. His tongue is too big to focus only on your clit, but the sensation of him licking up and down is still utterly delicious.

He moans and hums as he devours you, and the vibration of it makes you tremble. You let out a loud whimper and your eyes roll back when he dips his tongue carefully into your hole. It reaches deeper than your fingers ever could, feels so much better than them too– you never imagined something could feel this good. 

Your nails dig into his palms, but Changbin pays no mind to it, continuing to alternate between dipping his tongue into your hole and licking you up from top to bottom. He can feel your body tensing, the shaking of your legs and twitching of your thighs growing more intense as he drives you closer to release. 

You cry his name over and over, the syllables broken between whimpers as your back arches and your cum gushes on to his tongue. He licks it up and swallows it eagerly, and it serves to effectively draw out your orgasm, the sounds you make easily the prettiest he’s ever heard. 

You collapse back against his fingers when your high ebbs away, and you feel positively euphoric, every inch of your body buzzing from the pleasure. Changbin waits until you catch your breath again to kiss you, and you bring your hands to his face, holding him close as he shares the taste of your release with you. 

He carefully adjusts his hold of you afterwards, cradling you in his arms and laying you against his chest as he rises from his floor bed. “Need to take a bath,” he mumbles to you as you instinctively curl into his embrace. He cringes when he thinks about how much effort it’ll take to clean the mess from his fur and sheath, but he wouldn’t have done anything differently; the night was perfect– you were perfect.

You’re exhausted, but you do your best to help him get clean once you’re done washing yourself, and he covers you with appreciative kisses when the task is done. You giggle from the attention, and Changbin giggles too before he scoops you back into his arms to carry you to bed.

Doing away with the soiled blankets he’ll leave to clean tomorrow, he replaces them with some from the many empty rooms littered about. You’d fallen asleep shortly exiting the bath, and it was a bit challenging for Changbin to fix the bed one handed, but he wasn’t going to set you down onto the cold floor– and you surely would’ve pouted if you woke up without him in reach. 

He heaves a heavy sigh once he finally lays down, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before he rests his own against the many pillows beneath him. He whispers that he loves you before he closes his eyes, and he guesses you were just awake enough to hear it, because you sleepily whisper it back. 

It makes him smile, and he squeezes you in his arms just a little. And as he drifts to sleep, he thinks about how lucky he is to have you, how wonderful it is to be loved, how happy he’ll be spending every moment in his life together with you.

network tags: @ksmutsociety @skzstarnet

matrilineal | s.cb

long overdue fic, written for the collab run by @bearseungmin​ strange devotion!!

summary: after receiving the news that your estranged grandmother has passed, leaving behind no will, you and your boyfriend offer to clean out your house so it’ll be ready to sell. but as you spend more and more time in the house, you realize just exactly what led your mother to never speak to her own mother ever again.

pairing: gradstudent!changbin x gradstudent!reader

genre: supernatural, romance, paranormal, suspense, angst, horror, establishedrelationship!au

warnings: language, suggestive content, themes of generational trauma as a result of domestic abuse, blood, cigarettes, mentions of lung cancer, parental death, parental neglect as a result of depression, broken bones, demonic possession, mentions of animal death and animal abuse, food and eating, needles, EVERYONE has issues but especially y/n, fire, mild gore and body horror, hospitals, CREEPY IMAGES USED 

song recs: connie francis - who’s sorry now // mumford & sons - devil in your eye // tally hall - & // mitski - me and my husband // father john misty - o i long to feel your arms around me // rina sawayama - love it if we made it // taemin - advice // lemon demon - when he died // suho & jang jane - dinner // bts - trivia: seesaw // rina sawayama - dynasty // mitski - first love / late spring

word count: 28.9k

a/n: OH BOY. this is wild. this fic is insanely personal and the climax is probably the weirdest thing i’ve ever written, and i love it so much. if you have mommy issues,, this is for you.

You actually missed your mother’s first phone call. It was only once you’d left your last class of that Friday before spring break that you’d noticed that she had called you. 

Upon checking your messages, you saw a few of her messages.

[7:57 PM] Mom: Please call. me when you can

Mom: Really  urgent

 Of course, as you got onto the bus to go home, you sent her a message.

[8:11 PM] Y/N: okay. i’m on the bus right now but i promise i’ll speak to you when i get home.

[8:13 PM] Mom: OK

You felt a sense of dread as you put the phone back into your pocket. The headache you’d had since 11 AM, the fact that there were no free seats, the lights of the bus—which somehow managed to be both too bright and too dim at the same time—did nothing to alleviate your mood.

The topic of the call didn’t stop bothering you until you were at your apartment doorstep. Yes, you loved your mother, but she had her issues, and you hated when she got vague like this. There was no telling what it could be.

Unlocking the door, you tugged your shoes off and left them in the entryway. With a deep sigh, you trudged over to the couch, where you pulled out the phone. Heaving a sigh, you found two more missed calls from your mother. 

Your mother’s neuroticism was nothing new. She’d been like this for as long as you could remember, and you knew she was doing her best, but… 

This is gonna be bad, you surmised to yourself, pressing the call back button. Squeezing your eyes shut and rubbing your eyelids, you listened for the dial tone.

She picked up almost immediately. The first dial tone didn’t even finish before she was picking up and breathing out, “Y/N?”

“Mom? What happened?” You leaned forward. She took a shaky breath, before speaking.

“She’s dead.”

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