Too Good To Be True - Ch. 43 | Kth(m)

Too Good To Be True - Ch. 43 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 4.1k

warnings: cursing, implied smut, possible infidelity

Chapter 43: Slipped My Mind

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The new ‘rules’ you established that Sunday night were much more vague than the ones that were initially agreed upon. They focused more on what Tae and Jisoo shouldn’t do, rather than what they should do, which left a frighteningly large gray area for you all to navigate through. You hated their ambiguous nature, hated how they made you acutely aware of your lack of control in this whole situation, but you were, begrudgingly, the one to suggest they be designed this way. The unavoidable truth was that having a strict and limited set of predefined ways for Tae and Jisoo to interact was what made things seem forced and awkward in the first place. If they wanted their relationship to be believable, their interactions needed to be less calculated and more natural. They needed to be able to react organically to the situations they found themselves in and that meant not always knowing ahead of time what they were going to do.

Things like kissing on the lips or touching in a way that was overtly sexual were obviously not OK, but other than that nothing was really set in stone. You gave Tae permission to be more physically affectionate and to do more cute coupley things, however, you couldn’t bring yourself to explicitly outline specific things he should do. Ultimately, you ended up telling him to just use his judgement and do whatever he thought necessary and appropriate to make it look real. Your only stipulation was that he be the one to dictate any interactions that were more intimate in nature. If he initiated something, Jisoo could then go along with it, otherwise she was supposed to abide by the original rules. Despite Tae’s trust in her altruistic intentions, you still had your doubts. The last thing you wanted was her thinking she now had the freedom to do whatever she wanted with your boyfriend.

Tae asked if you wanted him to check with you before he did anything with her to which you honestly replied ‘No’. The idea of him spending time contemplating what to do somehow seemed more painful than him simply doing things spur of the moment when he saw an opportunity to put on a show. When it came to explaining what they had done together after the fact, Tae did not ask if that’s what you wanted, he told you that’s what he would do. He said there couldn’t be any secrets between you two and, although you knew it would hurt you both to talk through their interactions, you agreed it was the right thing to do. And, finally, he made you promise that if he ever did anything that you felt crossed the line that you would tell him right away.

Throughout your entire conversation, you could just feel the guilt and torment radiating off of him. It was then that you truly recognized and acknowledged the heartbreak he was suffering as a result of all this. It was different from what you were enduring, but it was no less severe. He was being forced to hurt you, the woman he loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and the deep wounds this left him with were ones you began to fear might never heal. With each passing second, you felt your resolve to be strong for him deepening; you could not bear to cause him even more pain.

After you and Tae talked through everything and decided what you wanted to do moving forward, he called Jisoo to let her know. Initially, he stayed with you in the bedroom, holding your hand and gently stroking your thumb as he spoke with her, but eventually he excused himself and left the room. You felt the tiniest twinge of anxiety watching him leave, wondering why he needed to talk to her in private, but you pushed it from your mind. You trusted that he had a good reason and that he would tell you what you needed to know afterwards. He was on the phone with her for a long time, though, so long that you eventually climbed into bed to wait for him.

You were half asleep when he finally came back into the room, sighing deeply as he closed the door behind him. A few minutes later he crawled into bed beside you. He wrapped his arms around you like always and pulled you against his chest, enveloping you in his warm, comforting embrace. One of his hands soon found yours, his fingers carefully lacing with your own as he peppered your shoulder with little kisses.

“I love you, Jagi,” he whispered after a moment. “I love you so much. More than anything in the whole world.”

“I meant it when I gave you this,” he went on as he gently twirled the couple’s ring around your finger with his thumb. “I will always love you.”

“Please don’t ever forget that,” he then said, the slightest tremble and hint of fearfulness in his voice. “No matter what.”

“Baby, I won’t,” you assured him. “I promise.”

Bringing his hand to your lips, you sealed that promise with a tender kiss to the finger on which he wore his matching couple’s ring.

“I love you and I love us and that’s never going to change,” you added softly.

“We’re going to get through this,” you said finally, trying your best to be brave for him. “Everything is going to be OK.”

~~~

The following morning, phase two of the plan to keep your secret, stay together, and save your relationship began. Tae sent out a text to the other guys letting them know what was going on so they wouldn’t be surprised when they saw him and Jisoo acting differently. Unsurprisingly, Namjoon called Tae immediately after receiving the text. From what you could gather from the half of the conversation you heard, the older man was a bit wary of this change of plans, but agreed you couldn’t risk backing off now if Bang PD was legitimately suspicious. As you sat there in the kitchen listening to Tae explain things, you got a much needed bit of assurance knowing your guardian angel was onboard with everything.

Tae ‘upped their game’ little by little so as to lessen the blow and give you time to adjust to their new dynamic which you greatly appreciated. Despite the fact that they were doing more together than they had been before, you actually felt your level of anxiety decrease slightly. The fact that you and him were regularly talking about what they were doing was helping significantly in terms of quelling your fears. You still weren’t divulging all of your deep seeded insecurities, but you were being more candid than you had been during the first three weeks of this ordeal. However, no matter what Tae did or said in the evenings to assure you of his love and commitment, you did still have moments when you were unable to combat the little doubts that infiltrated your mind.

On Monday, Tae fed Jisoo part of his meal while they had lunch down in the café. Eunji happened to be there at the time and had sneakily taken a photo and then sent it to you. As you sat there by yourself in the studio staring down at the photo, you couldn’t help but be overcome with bitterness. You and Tae would never get to do something like that. Obviously, he wouldn’t be able to take you or Jisoo out to an actual restaurant without being swamped by fans and media. But, inside of the Big Hit building, he did have the freedom and protection to openly be with his partner...so long as that partner was Jisoo and not you.

On Tuesday, they took a bunch of selfies together. They spent several minutes throwing out different poses, giggling the entire time and clearly having fun. They took one while doing Tae’s signature ‘V’ over the eye pose. Another showed them making silly faces with their tongues sticking out. In the last one they took, Jisoo gave Tae a kiss on the cheek while he scrunched his face up all cutely. Jisoo actually made that one the background of her phone, but thankfully Tae kept the photo of Tannie as the background of his. For that, you were extremely grateful; you didn’t think you could handle it if you saw her face every time he turned on his phone.

On Wednesday, he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and pulled her to his chest while hanging out in the studio. She slowly slid her hands down his arms and then carefully intertwined their fingers. Off to the side, you watched them through the mirror, noting how frustratingly perfect they looked together. They were both so beautiful, so captivating and alluring. You couldn't help but worry what people would say when it was time to publicly reveal your relationship years from now. Surely they would be surprised, and maybe even disappointed, to see Tae with someone as plain as you.

On Thursday, he kissed her on the forehead. Out of everything he had done, this was by far the most painful to witness. Although she had given him kisses to the cheek almost daily for the last month, this was the first time he had ever touched her with his lips. The gesture somehow seemed more intimate than if he had kissed her on the mouth. A kiss to the lips could be mistaken for nothing more than lust, but a kiss to the forehead meant so much more. It signified adoration and affection, emotions that were only supposed to be reserved for you. The worst part wasn’t just that he did it, but that he did it with a tenderest of smiles on his face.

By the time Friday rolled around, you were emotionally exhausted, significantly more so than you had been at the end of any of the previous three grueling weeks. Nothing Tae did had crossed the line, all of their interactions had been relatively tame and innocent, but the way he had done things had been hard to stomach.

It just looked so real.

It was both impressive and unsettling how quickly he seemed to have flipped the switch. Just last week it looked awkward and forced every time he touched her or spoke to her, but now it seemed like everything came naturally to him. You knew the ease with which he slipped into the character of her doting boyfriend was a reflection of his acting skills, but nonetheless, it was at times hard to watch. There had been a handful of instances throughout the week where you had, for just a split second, forgotten he was pretending.

To say you were ready for the weekend was a massive understatement and thankfully the day had gone by quickly and without incident. Due to his hectic rehearsal schedule, you actually hadn’t seen Tae once all day since leaving the apartment. Normally, that would have bummed you out, but not seeing Tae meant not seeing Jisoo and you weren’t about to complain about that. However, your hopes of having a completely Jisoo-free day were dashed just as you were getting ready to head home.

After attending a meeting with the other stylist’s regarding the upcoming Big Hit family photoshoot, you entered the studio to find Jisoo perched on Tae’s chair. By now, you were accustomed to this sight. She waited here for him almost every day so they could walk out to the parking garage together. Seeing them leave hand-in-hand was an unpleasant way to end each work day, but you were comforted knowing that the moment he said goodbye to her, he was once again unequivocally yours. As she drove away back to whatever sad life awaited her, he drove home to you and your life together.

Over the course of the last month, Jisoo had interacted with you only sparingly, something which you found surprising and also slightly unnerving. You had expected her to be constantly giving you dirty looks or throwing out little jabs, anything to use the precarious situation against you, but she had contained whatever resentment you were convinced she still held towards you. When she was with you and Tae in the studio, she had mostly ignored your existence, instead focusing all her attention on Tae. Your most notable exchange had occurred early on when she informed you that your close relationship with Tae might be viewed as inappropriate, but since then you hadn’t spoken more than a few pleasantries to one another.

This week, though, there had been a noticeable change in her demeanor towards you. Before, she seemed to have genuinely tried to tone things down when you were around, but now she appeared to have no qualms about flaunting her ‘relationship’ right in front of you. While she did refrain from initiating anything more intimate, she immediately went all in on whatever Tae did, taking a mile when he gave her an inch with absolutely no regard for your feelings whatsoever. She wore a sweet, innocent smile the majority of the time, but every now and then she dropped the façade and flashed you a smug, satisfied smirk. She was clearly loving the new rules, absolutely eating up all the attention and affection Tae gave her, and she wanted you to know. It was infuriating to stand by and watch her, to know she had gotten exactly what she wanted, but you had no choice but to grin and bear it.

As you walked over to your station to pack up your bag, you kept your eyes glued to your phone in an attempt to deter Jisoo from attempting to speak to you. Initially, your plan was successful; for ten whole minutes she pretended not to have noticed that you entered the vicinity. However, her shrill voice eventually cut through the peaceful silence.

“I must say, I’m surprised you’re OK with all this,” she said, her tone annoyingly light. “I’m not sure I would be able to sit back and watch my boyfriend be all over another woman.”

“You must really trust him,” she went on casually.

At last, the claws have come out.

“I do,” you replied evenly. “I know he’s only doing it because he loves me and wants to protect our relationship.”

“Still, doesn’t it bother you when you see us together here at work?” she asked, her voice dripping with obviously fake concern. “When you watch him hold me or kiss me?”

No, it doesn’t bother me. It fucking kills me.

“Not one bit,” you said nonchalantly, refusing to give her the satisfaction of knowing her words had gotten under her skin. “I know it doesn’t mean anything.”

“He still comes home to me every night,” you continued, a hint of smugness now in your voice as your courage surged. “He cooks me dinner, cuddles with me on the couch, makes love to me in our bed, and then falls asleep with me in his arms.”

“So, no, it doesn’t bother me when I see him playing pretend with you,” you stated triumphantly.

She seemed genuinely surprised by the boldness of your statement and you relished the stunned expression she momentarily wore. However, in an instant it was gone and she was back sporting her usual smirk.

“Well, I’m glad to know you’re OK with everything,” she went on in a sickly sweet voice.

“I was worried you might be upset that he and I spent yesterday afternoon alone in my recording lab,” she then added, barely able to contain the glee in her voice as she spoke.

Upon hearing her words, you felt the rush of confidence you’d just experienced begin slowly draining out of you. Like every other day this week, last night you and Tae had talked through his day and he’d let you know everything that had happened between him and Jisoo. He had mentioned the forehead kiss and a couple other small interactions like hugs and holding hands, but he hadn’t mentioned anything about being alone with her in her recording lab. Finding yourself completely caught off guard, you simply stood there in silence, trying to gather your thoughts as you began imagining them together on the couch in that cozy, dimly-lit room.

“Oh, he didn’t tell you?” she asked, feigning surprise when you didn’t respond.

“It must have just slipped his mind,” she continued innocently. “He was really tired when he left yesterday.”

The clear insinuation of her words had you snapping back to reality, but before you could say anything Tae walked into the studio, his big, boxy smile shining brightly. He came over and gave Jisoo a hug, but shot you a quick wink behind her back. Under normal circumstances that little secret gesture would have made you giddy, but right now, after the conversation you and Jisoo had just had, it made your insides churn as an awful thought popped into your head.

What if he does things behind my back too?

You hated yourself for even thinking that, but you couldn’t deny that Jisoo’s words had shaken you. It was clear that you and Tae needed to talk, but you knew you couldn’t afford to get into it right now so you gave him a small smile in return and hoped he wouldn’t notice that it didn’t reach your eyes.

“We need to get going,” Jisoo then said, breaking away from his hug and instead linking her arm with his. “We have dinner reservations at 6:00, remember?”

“Oh, uh, right,” he said, clearing his throat as he grabbed his jacket off of his chair.

“Bye, Y/N,” he then added casually as she began tugging him towards the door. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

As you watched them leave, you began replaying your conversation with Jisoo, trying to stay calm and not let your mind wander to dark places. Not a minute after they were gone, though, your phone buzzed in your pocket.

[Taehyung 4:34 PM] ‘See you on Monday’

[Taehyung 4:34 PM] As if I could actually go two whole days without you.

[Taehyung 4:35 PM] I would die of cuddle and kiss withdrawal.

[Taehyung 4:35 PM] I’ll see you at home soon, sweetheart 💜

As you reread his messages, swooning at the new nickname, you felt yourself relax as you let out the breath you had been holding. Surely there was an explanation for what Jisoo said, the most likely of which being that she straight up lied to you. She had clearly been trying to rile you up, but after you shut down her initial attacks she got desperate and started spewing nonsense. Once you talked to Tae, he would confirm this and everything would be fine. Shaking off the rest of your negative thoughts, you finished packing up and headed home.

When you got there, you were only further convinced that Jisoo was full of crap. After quietly entering the apartment, you crept towards the kitchen and heard Tae starting to make dinner while talking to who you could only assume was Tannie.

I know you missed Mommy today. I missed her too. I snuck down to the studio during one of our rehearsal breaks just so I could peek through the door and see her. She was working on my outfit for the Big Hit family photoshoot and she pouted so adorably when the sewing machine got jammed. I wanted so badly to walk in there and kiss her pouty lips, but obviously I couldn’t do that. You know the rules: no kissing Mommy at work. She’s going to be home soon, though, and then we’ll get to see her all weekend and get all the kisses and all the cuddles too.

Those simply could not be the words of someone who was hiding things from you.

Not wanting to spoil the absolutely lovely mood he’d set with that cute soliloquy, you decided to wait until after dinner to bring up your conversation with Jisoo. Of course, immediately after dinner was over you two had not one but two servings of dessert, the first one hot and messy right there on the dining room table and the second slow and passionate between the satin sheets of your bed.

It wasn’t until later on, after you’d showered, together of course, and gotten into bed that you finally had the chance to ask him about what Jisoo had said. You were fairly certain she had lied, or that she had misrepresented the situation somehow so as to give you the wrong impression, but you just wanted to get clarity from Tae so you could stop worrying.

“Tae?” you began to get his attention.

He hummed in reply as he snuggled you closer and burrowed his face in your hair.

“Jisoo said something today about you guys spending yesterday afternoon alone in her recording lab,” you said carefully. “Did she make that up?”

The few seconds during which he hesitated to answer you were cause enough for slight concern, but it was the way his body tensed up that had you instantly on edge. All at once, the calm, happy cocoon he’d had you wrapped in all evening began unraveling. It was a simple question, one which shouldn’t have elicited this kind of guarded response from him.

“No, actually she didn’t,” he replied, an unmistakable hint of trepidation in his voice. "We were in there."

“I’m sorry I forgot to tell you,” he then added guiltily.

You forgot or you purposefully didn’t tell me?

You couldn’t help but ask yourself this question. Although Tae could be forgetful at times, this was a pretty important thing to have forgotten, especially when it happened only hours before you talked. An uncomfortable silence then settled over the two of you when he didn’t elaborate on his admission or explain the situation further.

“What were you guys doing in there?” you eventually questioned as nonchalantly as possible so as not to convey your growing unease.

Again, there was the briefest of pauses before he responded which caused your stomach to drop.

“She said she needed to stop by and pick something up after lunch,” he answered tentatively. “But then she started playing some songs from her upcoming album and I got stuck in there for a while.”

“I’m sorry again that I didn’t mention it yesterday,” he went on quickly as he hugged you to him a little more tightly. “It just slipped my mind.”

“It’s OK,” you said quietly. “Thanks for telling me now.”

As you laid there, for the first time feeling a bit suffocated by his warm embrace rather than comforted by it, you debated what more you should say. The idea of Jisoo dragging him in there for one thing only to force him to listen to her songs was believable; she was always trying to show off for him in one way or another. If he had told you about this upfront yesterday, you wouldn’t have been nearly as upset as you were right now. While you didn’t love the idea of them being alone together behind a closed door, you trusted him in that situation. At least, you thought you did.

You wanted desperately to believe that he had truly just forgotten to tell you, but the sinking feeling in your stomach had you doubting that theory. Assuming he had purposefully kept this information to himself, the best case scenario was that he was afraid he had accidentally crossed the line by being in there alone with her and didn’t want to upset you. It would still have been wrong of him not to tell you, but at least he would have had good intentions. The worst case scenario, though, was legitimately too painful to contemplate: that he had knowingly and intentionally crossed the line while in there but didn’t want you to know.

With all your might, you tried to force that last heartbreaking thought from your mind. Tae loved you. He was only spending time with her because he loved you and wanted to keep you safe. He wanted to marry you and have a family with you and spend the rest of his life with you.

He would never cheat on you.

Right?

Not sure if there were any words that could express the jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions you were currently dealing with, you ultimately ended up saying nothing more. Whether Tae didn’t realize you were actually not OK at the moment, or he noticed but didn’t want to address it, you weren’t sure, but a few minutes later he reached over and turned off the lamp on the bedside table.

“Goodnight, Jagi,” he whispered. “I hope you have sweet dreams.”

“Night, Tae,” you called back softly, knowing with absolute certainty that any dreams you had, assuming you slept at all, would be anything but sweet.

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Too Good To Be True - Ch. 39 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 3.2k

warnings: discussions of infidelity, implied smut, anxiety

Chapter 39: Unfounded Fears

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You had driven halfway home before you realized you forgot your phone in the studio. Your first thought was to call Tae and ask him to grab it on his way out after rehearsal, but two seconds later you realized you couldn’t call him without your phone. With a curse and groan, you pulled into a nearby gas station, turned around, and headed back to Big Hit.

Fifteen minutes later you were back in the building, walking through the halls that seemed somewhat eerie with almost everyone gone for the night. As you approached the studio, you thought you heard muffled sounds coming from inside which was strange given that it was after hours. Turning the corner into the room, you stopped dead in your tracks as you took in the horrifying sight before you:

Tae in his chair with Jisoo on his lap straddling him, their lips pressed together.

You stood there frozen to the spot, your heart in your throat, as you watched them devour each other. Their kisses were deep and desperate and messy as their hands roamed freely over each other. Oblivious to your presence, they continued for several more minutes before they finally broke apart, but even then they did not notice you.

“Where’s Y/N?” Jisoo asked, panting slightly as she ran her fingers through his hair.

“At home waiting for me,” Tae said back breathlessly. “I told her rehearsal would be going late tonight.”

“That way she won’t be suspicious when I come home all sweaty,” he added with a mischievous smirk.

“All sweaty, huh?” she questioned coyly. “I wonder how that might happen.”

“You know how,” he said in a deep, sultry voice as he began kissing all over her neck and chest.

The sounds of her breathy moans pierced right through your heart, sucking out every last ounce of joy that had once been held there. You wanted to run away or cover your ears or scream so loud it would drown out her voice, anything to end the torture of hearing him pleasure her, but you were absolutely paralyzed.

“When are you going to leave her?” Jisoo then asked as she rolled her hips, causing him to let out a low groan.

“Soon, Jagi,” he cooed, his voice sickly sweet. “I promise.”

“Then you’ll have me all to yourself,” he added, his voice dropping as he grabbed her hips and began roughly grinding her back and forth over himself.

“Fuck,” she suddenly cried out. “That feels good.”

“I can make it feel even better, but you’re going to have to beg,” he said smugly.

It was at that moment that Tae finally looked up into the mirror and saw you watching them, tears silently streaming down your face. He didn’t bat an eye, just stared at you with a hard expression as he continued grinding Jisoo against him. In his cold, dark gaze you saw absolutely no trace of the man you fell in love with, the man you gave yourself to and thought you would spend the rest of your life with. His eyes remained locked on yours like that for a solid minute, your heart shattering a little more with each passing second, until his lips eventually curled up into a smirk.

“You should leave,” was all he finally said.

And so you did, backing away slowly, still unable to tear your gaze from the heartbreaking scene before you, as you wondered when exactly you lost his love and if you ever really had it in the first place…

~~~

You woke with a start to the sound of Tae’s voice and the feeling of his hand gently caressing your cheek.

“Jagi,” he whispered softly. “Jagi, wake up.”

Slowly opening your eyes, you found him lying next to you, his expression one of deep concern. For a moment you just stared at him, trying to blink away the sleep from your eyes. When you felt his thumb brushing away the tears that you just realized were sliding down your cheeks, you furrowed your brow at him in sleepy confusion.

“You were crying in your sleep,” he said, now sounding incredibly worried. “You were crying and saying my name.”

At his words, a flood of memories came rushing back to you as you suddenly remembered exactly why you were crying:

The dream.

The nightmare.

The awful, wretched nightmare where Tae cheated on you with Jisoo.

Despite realizing that it hadn’t actually happened, an overwhelming sadness still welled up inside you and before you knew it a great heaving sob was tearing through you.

This was one of the most vivid and realistic dreams you’d ever had in your entire life. You hadn’t had one that felt this real since your mom died. Back then, you would often dream she was still alive. The dreams would feel so real that for the first few moments after you woke up you would be blissfully unaware that she was actually gone. Reality would always come crashing back down, though, leaving you completely devastated each and every time. Your therapist had told you that dreaming so vividly like that wasn’t uncommon for someone who had experienced a trauma or was dealing with extreme anxiety.

And extreme anxiety is exactly what you had been feeling all night.

Your unease stemmed from the fact that you and Tae had not had a chance to really talk things over after the meeting last night. Jisoo and Namjoon were there until rather late and as soon as they left Tae called Bang PD to set up the meeting with him and Jisoo the next day. While he was on the phone you received a call of your own from your father who you realized you had yet to call since returning home from America. You ended up talking to him for a while, much longer than you originally intended to, and after finally hanging up with him you walked back into the bedroom to find Tae already passed out.

He’d changed into pajamas, but was still on top of the covers, a sign that he had clearly been waiting for you which was sweet. Knowing he’d had a long and exhausting day, you decided not to wake him up and instead just tucked him in with a spare blanket. As you climbed into bed next to him a short while later, you lamented the fact that you wouldn’t get to feel his arms around you. Not thirty minutes later, though, he stirred in his sleep, reaching out haplessly until he eventually grasped you and molded himself around you through your blanket. It was adorable, but you soon found that not even his warm embrace was enough to quell your unrest.

While Tae slept peacefully, you were up until well past midnight replaying the events from the evening over and over again, dissecting every little detail and trying to make sense of it all. A seemingly infinite number of doubts and fears tore through your mind, most of which involved Jisoo betraying you in some sort of way. No matter how hard you tried to calmly and rationally reason them away, they simply would not let up.

As the night wore on and you felt the darkness of the room closing in around you, your worries grew more and more irrational until finally the worst thought of all invaded your mind: Tae leaving you for Jisoo. You knew this fear was not at all rooted in reality, and was merely the byproduct of your overwhelming anxiety, but it terrified you nonetheless. Just thinking about it was enough to bring tears to your eyes and you soon found yourself muffling quiet sobs into your pillow, trying desperately not to wake up Tae.

Eventually, sometime around 2:00 AM, your emotionally and physically exhausted body begged for sleep. It found you, but the turmoil that plagued your waking thoughts obviously seeped into your subconscious, the result of which was your awful, wretched nightmare.

“Jagi, what’s wrong?” Tae asked worriedly as he climbed under the covers and pulled your trembling body to his chest.

“I-I had a bad dream,” you whispered, still hiccupping slightly through your tears. “A very bad dream.”

Upon hearing your words, he seemed to relax slightly, his hold on you loosening a bit so he could pull back to look at you.

“What did you dream about that made you so upset?” he asked gently, tucking a loose strand of your hair behind your ear as he spoke.

You didn’t want to tell him. You felt sick just thinking about the things that happened in the dream and couldn’t even imagine how devastated he would be if you told him. Yes, it was only a dream, but it was still something your subconscious had come up with and for that you felt unbelievably guilty.

“I don’t think you want to know,” you said hesitantly as you looked down.

“Jagi, if it made you this upset I don’t just want to know, I need to know,” he said seriously, lifting your chin up so your gaze met his.

“It’s going to make you sad,” you whispered.

“I still need to know,” he whispered back.

Realizing he wasn’t going to let it go, you closed your eyes and took a slow, deep breath before revealing the full extent of last night’s anxiety attack.

“You were with Jisoo,” you began, trying your best to stay calm. “You lied to me about rehearsal going late, but really you were with her in the studio.”

“I walked in and she was sitting on your lap and you were kissing and touching and clearly about to do a lot more,” you added, your voice now beginning to shake.

“When you saw that I was there you didn’t stop,” you said finally as fresh tears pooled in your eyes. “You just told me to leave.”

A beat of silence passed as your words washed over him, his face instantly falling as the realization hit him.

“You dreamed that I cheated on you, Jagi?” he asked quietly, the hurt in his voice unmistakable.

When you nodded your head in reply, you felt his hold on you tighten as he pressed his lips to your temple. For a few moments he didn’t say anything else, but you could tell just from the way he was breathing that he was upset and trying to keep it together.

“I’m so sorry,” he finally said, sounding so guilty and so completely broken. “It’s my fault that you’re upset and feeling anxious and having doubts.”

“Doubts about us, about me,” he then added, his voice breaking at the end.

Your heart clenched. This was exactly why you didn't want to tell him about your dream.

“Baby, I’m not having doubts about you,” you said quickly as you started to cry again.

“I trust you completely,” you continued, cupping his cheek as you spoke. “I know you would never do that to me.”

“I’m just scared of trusting Jisoo,” you finally admitted with a sob. “I know she was being all nice and supportive, but I’m still so afraid that she’s going to hurt us.”

“I’m nervous about trusting her too,” he said guiltily. “She seemed almost too willing to help us.”

Hearing Tae confirm your suspicions about her was oddly comforting. Part of why you felt so stressed last night was because you thought you were the only one who found the meeting unsettling. While Tae and Namjoon were acting all calm and collected, you were having an internal panic attack that you prayed wasn’t outwardly on display. You worried that you were just crazy and paranoid, that your insecurities were clouding your judgement and causing you to read into things too closely. Knowing that Tae also sensed things were off made you feel infinitely better because it meant you were on the same page. The only way you were going to make it through the next month was if things stayed that way, if you had each other’s backs and worked together as a team.

“I promise it’s going to be OK, though,” Tae then assured you, stroking your hair soothingly. “I’m not going to let her hurt you.”

“I’ll never let anyone hurt you, Jagi,” he vowed. “I’ll always take care of you and keep you safe.”

He sealed his promise with a kiss, one that was sad and sweet, full of undeniable guilt, but also so much love. He kept kissing you like that, tenderly and longingly, until your tears finally stopped and you relaxed into his embrace, utterly spent from the emotional toll the long night had taken on you. After releasing your lips, he snuggled you against his chest, whispering soft words of comfort and promises of love between tender kisses to your neck and shoulder.

“There’s something I want to give you,” he said a little while later, once you had fully calmed down and were resting peacefully in his arms.

“You wait here, OK?” he then added, giving you a quick kiss before gently extracting himself and climbing out of bed.

As you watched him walk out of the room, wondering what he could possibly have left to give to you after he’d already given you so much, you felt a pang of guilt ripple through you. You should never have told him about your dream. Even though he told you that he wanted to know, that he needed to know, you should have realized that sharing it with him would do more harm than good. All it did was make him think you legitimately questioned his commitment to you and your relationship which honestly couldn’t have been further from the truth.

While he was asking a lot of you with this plan, you realized he was asking even more of himself. He was agreeing to spend time with someone he did not respect, someone who had deeply wronged him in the past, all while having to pretend not only to like them, but potentially love them. Knowing how meaningful intimacy was to him, you knew that having to show affection towards her, even in the most innocent of ways, would still likely make him very uncomfortable.

Being with her also meant risking and damaging his reputation within the Big Hit community. Unsurprisingly, most people were not big fans of Jisoo due to her selfish and abrasive behavior. People would no doubt be surprised to discover Tae was dating her and might also be somewhat disappointed in him. Just like after the interview, it made you feel incredibly sad and also guilty to think of people judging him for something he didn’t actually do.

The simple truth was that he was doing all this for you, to keep you safe and healthy and happy, just like he always promised. You realized that the best thing you could do moving forward was to not unload more of your unfounded fears upon him and instead just be supportive. So many times you had let your emotions get the best of you and then acted rashly in response, jeopardizing your relationship with him in the process. The last thing you wanted was to repeat those mistakes and hurt him yet again.

While you were sitting there in bed contemplating all of this, you suddenly heard the sound of two distinct sets of footsteps outside the bedroom door.

“Tannie, bring this to Mommy,” you heard Tae whisper as the door slowly opened.

At the sound of Tae calling you Tannie’s ‘Mommy’, all previous thoughts of Jisoo and the plan and your worries instantly flew from your mind. You absolutely loved the way that word sounded rolling off his tongue and you couldn’t stop yourself from imagining him saying it in a different, even more meaningful context.

Before you could get too ahead of yourself with those thoughts, Tannie came bounding into the room, jumped up onto the bed, and then settled on your lap. There, attached to his collar was a little velvet drawstring bag. After removing it from his collar, you opened it up and gently turned it upside down, letting the contents fall out into the palm of your hand.

It was a ring, a stunning thin silver band with tiny diamonds wrapping all the way around - tiny, purple diamonds. As you gazed at it in wonder, you quickly realized that the diamonds were not just any shade of purple. They were a beautiful orchid, a color that you knew was incredibly rare and no doubt very expensive for a diamond, the same exact shade as a certain special piece of jewelry you often found yourself daydreaming about.

Tae’s purple ring

“It’s a couple’s ring,” he said from the doorway. “I know they’re usually given after you’ve been together for 100 days, but I just couldn’t wait any longer.”

“It’s meant for your index finger since your ring finger would have been too obvious,” he went on as he walked over to the bed and sat down beside you. “I sized it based on that one ring of your mom’s that you always wear.”

“I have one too,” he then continued, holding up his hand to display a new thick gold band on his own index finger. “It doesn’t actually look anything like yours, again for obvious reasons, but we’ll know that they go together so that’s all that matters.”

For a moment you were utterly speechless. You knew without question that it was not a coincidence that this ring matched the one he wore around his neck and the knowledge of that fact was overwhelming in the best way possible. The statement he was making by giving it to you was clear as day and had you falling impossibly deeper in love with him.

“Baby, it’s absolutely beautiful,” you said breathlessly as he gently took the ring from you and slipped it onto your finger. “Thank you so much.”

You then crawled out from under the covers and climbed onto his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck as he automatically snuck his around your waist. He was sporting the biggest, brightest smile, one you found yourself instantly mimicking due to the abundance of love and joy that was blooming in your chest.

“You’re beautiful,” he said shyly as he pulled you closer and brought his lips to yours for a slow, sweet kiss.

“I love you, Jagi,” he then said softly after breaking away and looking deeply into your eyes. “I know things are difficult right now, but if you’re ever feeling anxious or scared or are having doubts about anything I want you to look down at this ring and remember that I will always love you.”

At his words, happy tears instantly pooled at the corners of your eyes. He always knew just what you needed, always knew just what to say to reassure you that everything was truly going to be OK. 

“I’ll always love you, too,” you said quietly, as you pressed your lips against his once more and took his hand, intertwining your fingers and bringing together the two rings you now wore to symbolize your commitment to one another.

In that moment you knew that all you needed to do was trust in him and the love you had for one another. If you did that, no matter what anyone else did or said, you two would surely be OK.

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Too Good To Be True - Ch. 45 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 4.3k

warnings: cursing, implied sex

Chapter 45: Afternoon Delight

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When you woke up the following morning you were exhausted, sore, and happier than you had been in a very long time. Last night was gratifying in so many different ways. From a purely physical standpoint, it had been, without a doubt, the most pleasurable experience of your life. The energy between you and Tae was unlike anything you’d ever felt before; every touch, every kiss, every thrust sent a wave white-hot pleasure coursing through you. It was truly overwhelming, but in the absolute best sense of the word.

From an emotional standpoint, though, the events of last night were even more satisfying. It felt so good to take charge, to be vocal about your desires and confident in your actions. You wanted something and you went after it without second guessing yourself. In doing that, you had proven to yourself that you were strong and courageous and fierce.

If you wanted to fight Jisoo and protect the relationship you had worked so hard to build, those were precisely the qualities you were going to need to demonstrate.

Moving the covers aside, you realized just then that you weren’t wearing any clothes and neither was Tae. You two must have fallen asleep while cuddling before you had a chance to get dressed and ready for bed. Blushing slightly, you decided that you kind of liked sleeping like this and thought maybe you’d suggest to Tae that you do it more often.

As much as you wanted to stay there with him like that, a quick glance at your watch let you know you had both slept in much later than usual. You unfortunately needed to get up now or else you would definitely be late for work. Carefully slipping out of his grasp, you got up from bed and quickly threw on clothes. After washing your face and removing the remnants of your makeup, you padded into the kitchen in the pursuit of your second true love: coffee.

A little while later you were leaning against the counter, scrolling through Twitter while you waited for the coffee to brew. You were so engrossed in the captivatingly mindless activity that you didn’t even hear Tae enter the room. The beep from the coffee maker pulled your attention from your phone, but before you could move to grab a mug you felt his muscular arms wrap around you from behind. He slid his hands underneath the shirt you had on, settling one on your waist and splaying the other across your lower abdomen. With a gentle tug, he pulled you flush against him. As he began trailing little kisses down your neck, the hand on your lower abdomen slid down until his fingers met soft fabric.

“My shirt, no bra, skimpy pair of panties,” he mused, his breath hot on your neck. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to seduce me.”

“Hmm I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you replied coyly, biting back a smile.

This was, of course, a blatant lie. You knew for a fact that few things turned Tae on more than the sight of you wearing his clothes.

“I don’t believe you, little minx,” he whispered in your ear, ignoring your feeble attempt at feigning innocence.

“I think you know exactly what you’re doing right now,” he went on as he gave your earlobe a soft bite. “Just like you knew exactly what you were doing when you sent me those naughty photos yesterday.”

Before you had a chance to respond, his lips returned to your neck. The hot, open mouth kisses he started placing there had you shuddering, but it was the sinful movement of his fingers that had your breath hitching. He’d dipped them just below the band of your panties and was running them back and forth in a teasing, tortuously slow rhythm.    

“I can’t stop thinking about last night,” he purred into your ear, the words dripping from his mouth like honey. “I can’t stop thinking about how stunning you looked in that lingerie or how badly I wanted you when I was tied up or how incredible you felt when I finally got to have you.”

“And right now, all I want to do is bend you over this counter and have you again,” he admitted as he pressed his hips forward, letting you feel every inch of his desire.

Momentarily forgetting that you were supposed to be the one in control right now, you spun around in his embrace and crashed your lips against his in a ravenous kiss which he immediately returned. A few seconds later, he picked you up in one swift motion and set you down on the counter, snaking his arms around you once more and pulling you impossibly close. As you continued devouring one another, he began slowly grinding into you, hungrily and greedily swallowing the soft whimpers he drew from you. Your mind was just starting to cloud over with lust when he broke the kiss for a breath of air and suddenly stopped the intoxicating movement of his hips.

“Fuck,” he breathed out, his eyes going wide when he took in your appearance for the first time that morning. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

“I didn’t mean to do this,” he went on guiltily, his fingers coming up to gently brush the numerous red and purple bruises that dotted your neck.

It wasn’t unusual for Tae to leave marks. He was, after all, rather possessive when you were intimate which you didn’t mind in the slightest. They typically weren’t this severe, though, and were usually in well-hidden places like your chest or inner thigh. You normally warned him if you felt him unknowingly lingering on your neck, collarbone, or any other easily visible part of your body, but last night you didn’t say a word. Last night, when his lips latched onto that sensitive spot just below your ear, you didn’t tell him to stop or push him away. You just let him keep going, softly sucking and biting until the evidence of his passion bloomed on your skin.

“Do they hurt?” he asked quietly, concern written all over his face as he gazed at you.

“Only a little,” you admitted with a tiny grimace.

He frowned apologetically in response and then brought his lips to your neck and placed barely-there kisses over the marks, soothing the tender skin. Eventually, he moved his lips up and along your jaw until they finally found yours. The kisses you then shared were deep and languid, full of longing. They were the kind you loved to get lost in and never wanted to end.

“Let me take you back to bed, Jagi,” he said softly, leaning his forehead against yours as his thumbs rubbed little circles on your inner thighs where a few more love bites were littered.

“Want to be with you,” he murmured. “Take care of you.”

The fire that had been rushing through him moments ago was gone now, but the passion still clearly remained. You could hear it in his voice, the neediness and desperation, the desire to be so close that he couldn’t tell where he ended and you began. You wanted nothing more than to give in, to let him carry you back to bed and make love to you, slowly and gently like you knew he would, but with every fiber of your being you fought that urge.

“Baby, we’re already running late for work,” you reminded him, running your hands through his hair as you spoke. “We don’t have time.”

“Come shower with me then?” he pleaded, bringing his head up and giving you a hopeful look.

“It will be more efficient,” he then stated matter-of-factly, the slightest smirk spreading across his face.

“That is a lie and you know it,” you said with a laugh. “It takes twice as long as it should whenever we shower together.”

“I like to be thorough when I wash you,” he replied simply, his tone casual.

“It wouldn’t take so long if you weren’t such a dirty girl,” he added a moment later, giving you a seductive lip bite and raised eyebrow, a clear last ditch attempt at luring you in.

You couldn’t stop yourself from blushing, but you rolled your eyes at him and shook your head to let him know his cheesy lines weren’t going to work.

“How about this,” you began as an idea suddenly came to you.

“If you be a good boy and go get ready for work now, we can do the photoshoot tonight,” you said, loving the way his eyes went wide at your proposal.

Last night, while the two of you were lying together in a sweaty heap, Tae had hesitantly asked if you would be willing to let him take photos of you in your lingerie. Tastefully erotic photos, he said they would be, ones that would be for his eyes only whenever you were apart and he wanted to be reminded of how exquisite you were. You were a little surprised by the question, but said yes without hesitation; you trusted him completely to keep such photos private. The idea of him wanting photos of you was flattering and honestly a huge turn on. It also only seemed fair given that you had the shirtless selfie he sent you that one time saved on your phone, a photo which you might have glanced at from time to time when you wanted to be reminded of how exquisite he was.

“Deal,” he all but growled, capturing your lips in a quick, but passionate kiss before letting go of you and sauntering off towards the bedroom. Just as he was about to round the corner of the hallway, he turned around, blew you a kiss, and gave you the biggest, boxiest, heart-melting smile.

~~~

You were not usually a spiteful person.

You did not typically take joy in the suffering of others.

You did not truly believe that two wrongs made a right.

However, you simply could not deny the satisfaction and glee you felt later that morning when you rubbed your fluffy, smutty, very real and still perfectly intact relationship in Jisoo’s smug face.

It was just before noon and you were alone with Tae in the studio doing the second fitting for his Big Hit family photoshoot outfit. The shirt and jacket had been just a little bit too snug when he first tried them on a couple weeks ago, no doubt the consequence of him continuing to frequent the Big Hit gym. Having to do a little extra work by letting them out was a price you were absolutely willing to pay, though. You were completely whipped for Tae’s bulging arm muscles, especially when he used them to carry you to the bedroom and throw you down onto the bed.

Everyone else had already finished their fittings and headed out to lunch, but you had purposefully been dragging it out, wanting to still be working with Tae when Jisoo showed up so they could go to the café together like they did every Monday. Tae admitted once that it drove him crazy when you ran your hands all over him during fittings. He said he’d gotten relatively good at keeping it together and not getting too turned on over the last three years, but that his self-restraint had gone completely out the window once you started dating. It was just impossible, he admitted, not to let his mind wander to filthy places when you were touching him with the same hands that tugged at his hair when he pleasured you with his mouth and clawed at his back when he made love to you.

For this reason, you were normally extremely careful about keeping your touches strictly professional, but today you were making no such effort. Knowing he was already worked up from this morning and wanting to tease him further, you let your hands roam a little more freely and linger a little longer than usual. As subtle as you tried to be, though, he instantly picked up on what you were doing.

“You’re killing me right now, sweetheart,” he whispered as you smoothed your hands over his chest to get out the wrinkles.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” you asked sweetly, gazing up at him with big doe eyes.

“You heard me,” he muttered under his breath as he looked down at you with a dark, hungry expression on his face. “You know what you’re doing right now.”

For a few moments you two just stared at each other until eventually you gave him a tiny smirk and looked away.

“You don’t like when I touch you?” you teased quietly as you checked the fit of the waistband of his slacks, brushing your fingers dangerously close to somewhere they definitely shouldn’t be.

“Jagi, fuck,” he groaned.

“I am about two seconds away from dragging you into the dressing room and taking you up against the wall,” he admitted, his voice hushed as he leaned in slightly.

“I’ll put this in that pretty mouth of yours so no one hears you moaning my name,” he growled as he tugged on the scarf you were wearing to hide the hickeys, the same one which you just so happened to use to tie him up with last night.

“I think I’d like that,” you whispered back before giving him a seductive lip bite.

Just then, Jisoo suddenly waltzed into the studio. It was honestly probably for the best that she chose to show up at that precise moment; things had gotten entirely too steamy between you and Tae just now. In your attempt to send him into a lust-driven frenzy, you had failed to acknowledge the effect such an endeavor would have on yourself. The truth was, last night had ruined both of you. With all the teasing you two had done so far today, you were legitimately struggling not to drag him into the dressing room and do a number of scandalous, highly unprofessional things with him.

Glancing over Tae’s shoulder, you found Jisoo wearing a confused and disdainful expression as she took in the sight before her. The two of you were standing awfully close together, gazing at each other lustfully. You were looking very much like two people who had definitely not fought and possibly even broken up over the weekend which is what you can only imagine she hoped to accomplish with her poisonous words on Friday.

“Hi TaeTae,” she said brightly, plastering the fakest smile on her face.

“Hi Jisoo,” Tae replied absentmindedly, not taking his eyes off of you as he licked his lips, clearly still reeling from the intense moment you’d shared just before she arrived.

“Are you ready to go to lunch?” she then asked as she came and stood next to you.

“Hmm?” he replied confusedly as he finally tore his gaze away from you and glanced at her.

“Oh, right. Lunch,” he then said, shaking his head to clear what you knew were some very filthy thoughts.

“Are we done with the fitting, sweetheart?” he asked, the pet name accidentally falling from his perfect lips as he turned back towards you.

You did not miss the way Jisoo’s face scrunched up in distaste upon hearing him call you that. In that moment, it suddenly dawned on you why Tae had likely started also calling you this new, sweet name. He unfortunately had to call Jisoo ‘Jagi’ because that’s the pet name he let slip on national television. You would always be his true ‘Jagi’, but while he was fake dating Jisoo, he wanted you to have a special name that was only for you. Upon realizing this, and noting yet another way he had gone about demonstrating his love, you felt affection bloom uncontrollably in your chest.

“We are,” you replied, raking your eyes down his body in the most unprofessional of ways. “Everything fits perfectly. You look very handsome, as usual.”

“But, please lay off the weights between now and Saturday,” you added flirtatiously. “I won’t have time to alter these again if you keep bulking up.”

He didn’t say anything in response to that, just smirked and wiggled his eyebrows at you suggestively, knowing full-well the absolute last thing you actually wanted was for him to stop lifting.

“Alright, go change,” you said with a laugh.

As he walked away towards the dressing room, you found yourself alone again with Jisoo for the first time since she had deliberately tried to sabotage your relationship. You were still disgusted and frustrated with her, but you were suddenly having some second thoughts about your plan. Maybe it was enough for her just to have seen you and Tae flirting and realized that her attempt to come between you had failed. You wanted to put her in her place, but flat out embarrassing her might be a bit too much. At least, that’s what you thought...until she opened her mouth again.

“I see you’re still pathetically desperate to stay with him,” she sneered. “Even though it’s obvious he doesn't really want you.”

Oh, it’s on bitch.

“I don’t know,” you mused, pretending to actually contemplate what she had said. “He seemed to want me last night.”

As you spoke, you casually removed your scarf, giving Jisoo a full view of your neck, in all it’s colorful, passionate glory. The look on her face when she saw the hickeys was absolutely delicious; her eyes went wide as saucers and her mouth hung open.

“If you think these are bad, you should see the ones on my inner thigh,” you said innocently as you gently ran your fingers over the marks.

She audibly scoffed and rolled her eyes at your remarks, but you could just tell that she was pissed to have been so boldly presented with the proof of your intimate night with Tae.

“I’ve got some bruises on my hips too, but those were from him holding so tightly,” you went on casually, knowing you didn’t need to elaborate in order for her to understand exactly why he was gripping you like that.

“As fantastic as he was in bed, though, the best part of the weekend was definitely him calling me his future wife and mother of his children,” you then said honestly.

While Jisoo stood there, momentarily stunned by everything you had just unleashed upon her, you whipped out your phone and sent Tae a text which you were certain would catch his attention.

[11:53 AM] What would you say if I told you I wanted leftovers from last night’s delicious meal for lunch today?

[Taehyung 11:53 AM] I would tell you to get in your car right now and drive straight home.

[Taehyung 11:53 AM] So I can meet you there and serve them to you over and over again until you are satisfied.

[11:54 AM] I want them.

[11:54 AM] I need them.

[Taehyung 11:54 AM] You’re going to get them, sweetheart.

[Taehyung 11:54 AM] Meet me at home in 20 minutes.

“He was insatiable last night,” you then added, smiling at her as you looked up from your phone. “In fact, I think he’s still hungry for more.”

A moment later, Tae came out of the dressing room and started back towards you two. He looked slightly disheveled, the result of hastily throwing his clothes back on, and his hair was adorably messy. There was a deliciously dark gleam in his eyes and the faintest smirk upon his lips.

“Hey, I’m sorry but I just realized I have to run home real quick,” he said to Jisoo once he had reached the two of you. “I...uhh, forgot something.”

“But, we’re supposed to have lunch together today,” she said back, her tone one of obvious annoyance as she looked at him incredulously.

“We’ll have lunch tomorrow,” he promised as he put on his coat.

“Besides, people already saw us getting tea together at the café this morning,” he added, giving her a friendly smile. “So we’ve put on our show for the day.”

Tae reminding her that their ‘relationship’ was all for show was the absolute icing on the cake. She was seething as she glared back at him, but he was completely oblivious to her displeasure.

Since no one else would have been there to see it, he didn’t even bother to give her a goodbye hug or kiss. He just said bye and gave her a small wave. Before turning to leave, he leaned in real quick and whispered in your ear, ‘See you soon, Jagi’, shot you a wink and a devilish grin, and then quickly left the room.

As soon he was out of sight, you threw on your own coat and began packing up your bag. You thought maybe you should say something else to Jisoo, but ultimately decided against it. She knew exactly what was going on, knew Tae had clearly chosen you over her just now. At this point, there was nothing more that needed to be said. You had won.

“He’s lying to you,” she said darkly just as you were beginning to walk away.

You stilled, letting her words wash over you for just a moment before you shoved them aside and kept walking

“And, you’re lying to yourself,” you replied calmly, not even bothering to look back at her.

~~~

Approximately 20 minutes later, you were tangled with Tae beneath the sheets of your bed, your clothes strewn on the floor in a trail that started in the foyer and ended in the bedroom. He had gotten home before you and had been anxiously waiting there for you. The second you closed the apartment door he was on you, pinning you against it and capturing your lips in a hungry kiss. He roughly pulled your shirt up and off and from there the situation quickly devolved into delightfully filthy chaos.

“Jagi, you’ve ruined me once again,” Tae said afterwards, still breathing heavily as he turned to face you. “I’m going to want leftovers for lunch every day now.”

“They are incredibly delicious,” you said coyly, leaning over and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“But, people would definitely notice if we just so happened to both take a long lunch every day only to come back basking in a post-sex afterglow,” you then added with a laugh.

“That is true,” he agreed glumly as an adorable pout spread across his face.

“They are also going to notice if we don’t get back soon,” you said after a few moments, gently extracting yourself from his sweaty embrace.

“You're right,” he sighed. "We should get going."

“I’m going to take a quick shower first,” he then said, planting a kiss on your forehead before rising from the bed and heading towards the bathroom.

After watching him walk away, and shamelessly admiring his incredibly cute butt in the process, you grabbed your phone off the bedside table to check your email. A few minutes later you were reading through one Mrs. Choi had just sent out about the upcoming photoshoot when you heard Tae’s phone buzzing from the pocket of his pants that were laying on the floor. It rang several times, stopped, and then immediately started ringing again. After climbing out of bed and fishing it out of the pocket, you glanced down at the screen and saw Jimin’s name.

“Tae, Jimin is calling,” you said as you walked into the bathroom where he was still showering.

“Shit,” you heard him mutter. “I was supposed to meet him at 12:30 to help him with a song he wants to record.”

“Can you text him and let him know I’ll be a little late?” he then asked.

“Yea, sure thing,” you replied before heading back into the bedroom.

Entering in Tae’s password and navigating to his messages, you tapped on Jimin’s name and texted a quick, ‘Running late. Be there around 1. Sorry!’. You were just about to set his phone down on the bed beside you when something suddenly caught your eye. A few rows down from the message thread with Jimin was a thread with a contact name that was simply the letter ‘J’. The cryptic name had caused a little knot to form in your stomach, but it was the most recent message this person had sent that instantly had your blood running cold.

Can’t wait to finish what we started 😉

Hating yourself for being that girlfriend who was so insecure that she stooped to the level of snooping, but feeling in your gut that something just wasn’t right, you clicked on that fateful message.

Yesterday

[J 1:29 PM] Are you still stopping by later today?

[Taehyung 1:31 PM] Yea. I’ll be there around 3:00.

[J 1:35 PM] Sounds good. Text me when you’re here and I’ll let you in the back door.

[Taehyung 3:05 PM] Here.

Today

[Taehyung 8:17 AM] Sorry I had to leave so quickly yesterday.

[Taehyung 8:18 AM] I had to take care of something.

[Taehyung 8:19 AM] When can I come by again?

[J 8:20 AM] Friday evening?

[Taehyung 8:21 AM] Works for me.

[J 8:22 AM] Great. I’ll see you then.

[J 8:23 AM] Can’t wait to finish what we started 😉

This time there was no mistaking it. There was nothing to have accidentally forgotten. There was no other possible explanation. The proof was right in front of you sitting heavily in the palm of your shaking hand.

Yesterday afternoon, Tae lied to you.

He lied about where he was.

He lied about who he was with.

He lied about what he was doing.

Jisoo was right.

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Too Good To Be True - Ch. 44 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 4k

warnings: cursing, sexting, bondage, implied sex

A/N:  So I realized the last couple chapters have been super angsty and depressing and decided we needed to have a bit of fluffy, smutty fun for a change. Rest assured, this was but a respite from the heartbreak. The big angst is still coming. But, for the time being, I hope you enjoy Y/N and Tae being super cute and incredibly hot for each other :

Chapter 44: The Best Boy

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It was nearly 2 AM and you were still awake, nothing but the sound of Tannie’s soft snores and Tae’s occasional mutterings to break the otherwise suffocating silence.

You’d say you spent the last several hours tossing and turning, but that would be a lie; it was impossible to toss, turn, or really move at all whilst in Kim Taehyung’s sleepy clutches. He’d fallen asleep rather quickly, leaving you alone with your tumultuous thoughts, something which you were trying desperately not to resent him for. The situation was uncomfortably reminiscent of the night in which this whole fake dating fiasco began: Tae beside you sleeping peacefully while you laid there wide awake, your mind racing. After hours spent contemplating everything - what you were told, what you believed, how you felt, what you should do - you had figured out precisely nothing.

With a defeated sigh, you decided you couldn’t stay in bed any longer. Gently extracting yourself from Tae’s koala bear embrace and stuffing your pillow into his arms instead, you quietly slipped from the bedroom. After turning on the light in the living room, you went over to one of the couches and collapsed down onto it, your head instantly falling into your hands. You don’t know how long you sat there, staring blankly ahead as you sifted through your endless thoughts, but eventually something on the bookshelf in front of you caught your eye.

It was a framed picture of Tae’s phone that showed his background set to the first photo you’d ever taken together, the one where he was trying to eat your pigtail. Since he obviously couldn’t have that photo be the background of his phone all the time, he figured having a picture of what it would look like was the next best thing. He gave it to you a week or so after you got back from America, calling it a ‘because I love you’ gift. You cracked up when you pulled it out of the bag, telling him it would have been easier if he just got you a framed picture of the photo itself, but he said that would have been too boring. It was such a silly, sweet, thoughtful gift, something that was so incredibly Tae. Looking at it now, you were reminded not only of how much Tae loved you, but of the infinite number of ways, big and small, that he went about expressing that love.

Him giving you the couple’s ring that matched his grandmother’s ring to assure you of his commitment. The fact that he made coffee for you in the mornings even though he didn’t drink it. How affectionate and passionate and generous he was when you were intimate. The way he kept the apartment slightly warmer than he probably wanted because he knew you were always cold. How he shared his vision for your future together and spoke of marriage and children without the slightest bit of doubt or hesitancy. When he pretended to be full because he knew how much you wanted the last dumpling. How often he lavished you with genuine praise, saying you were beautiful, smart, talented, strong, the woman of his dreams. How he spent three years writing you the most beautiful love song, one which he often softly sang to you at night as you were falling asleep.

Laying down on the couch, you pulled out your phone and started playing the original demo version of ‘Sweet Night’ Tae had given you. Once he started ‘dating’ Jisoo, his plan for re-recording the song without her on backing vocals unfortunately went out the window. It would make no sense for him to kick her off the song if recording it together is what led them to date in the first place. It was frustrating that she would be on the official version, but you had this one which you absolutely loved and that was enough for you.

As you lay there listening to Tae’s soft, soothing voice, memories from the summer when they were recording this song together washed over you. It had been an extremely confusing and difficult time for you, one marked by many sleepless, tear-filled nights. When you thought back to all the most heartbreaking moments, though, you realized there was an undeniable common theme:

Jisoo bending the truth to fit her own twisted narrative.

How she led you to believe Tae was taking her on a date when they were actually attending a dinner meeting with numerous other people.

How she pretended he had given her the dark chocolate-covered strawberries even though he had actually ordered them to go so he could give them to you.

How she made it seem like he was busy and not spending time with you because they were together when in reality he had been hard at work producing the song he wrote to confess his love to you.

Suddenly, the idea that you’d questioned Tae’s faithfulness for even a second seemed completely absurd. Whatever the reason for him not telling you about their time in her recording lab, whether because he truly did just forget or because he felt guilty about being in there at all, it was obvious now that Jisoo had purposefully misconstrued the situation. She wanted you to have doubts and to accuse him of cheating, knowing how absolutely devastated he would be if you did so. She wanted to drive a wedge between you and him, just like she did over the summer, and ruin your relationship.

Why? Because she was jealous, plain and simple. You had a committed, loving, absolutely wonderful partner and she was jealous. You didn't blame her, you had once been jealous of her when you thought they were together, but the way she was going about dealing with her envy was both cruel and pathetic.

But, no longer were you going to sit back and take it. No longer were you going to be intimidated by her or let yourself be poisoned by her toxicity.

It was time to stand up for yourself and fight fire with fire. If she wanted to shamelessly revel in and openly flaunt her fake relationship, then you would shamelessly revel in and openly flaunt your real one, in all it’s fluffy, smutty glory. You would show her, once and for all, that Tae was wholly and unequivocally yours.

With a newfound sense of calm and purpose, you rose from the couch and headed back into the bedroom, determined to get a good night’s sleep so you could begin taking your life back tomorrow. Climbing onto the bed, you found Tae had completely wrapped himself around your pillow, a sight which was painfully adorable. You tried gently prying it out of his grasp, but he was holding it with both his arms and his legs and it wouldn’t budge. Pulling a little harder now, it was just beginning to come free from his hold when suddenly he clutched it back tightly against his chest.

“No,” he mumbled sleepily.

“Mine,” he then added after you gave the pillow another tug, his words just barely understandable. “My Jagi.”

In that moment, you thought for sure your heart would burst. Even in his sleep, he called you his.

“Tae,” you whispered as you brushed his hair back from his face. “Tae.”

It took a minute of trying to gently rouse him before he finally started to stir.

“Hmm?” he hummed, clearly disoriented after being woken up in the middle of night.

“I left the bed for a few minutes and now you’re cuddling my pillow,” you whispered, smiling as you watched the realization hit him.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he muttered as he let go of your pillow and put it back by your head.

“It’s Ok,” you said back with a giggle. “I just thought maybe you’d want to go back to cuddling me?

“Most definitely,” he replied as he held his arms open.

Scooting over to take up the space previously occupied by your pillow, you let him envelope you in his arms and pull you to his chest.

“Much better,” he said softly as he nuzzled his face into your neck. “My Jagi is back where she belongs.”

“Yes,” you called back quietly, already beginning to feel sleepy. “Yes, I am.”

~~~

You woke the following morning to the feeling of Tae pressing a feather-light kiss against your temple. From there, his lips made their way to your forehead, the tip of your nose, the apple of your cheek, and every other inch of your face. You pretended to still be asleep as long as you could, but when his lips finally found yours you were unable to contain your smile any longer.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he said sweetly.

“I’m not beautiful right now,” you mumbled sleepily, your eyes still closed. “My face is puffy and my hair is messy and I have eye oogies.”

“Your eye oogies make you especially beautiful,” he said with a laugh before kissing the corner of your eye, precisely where the offending oogies were located.

Finally opening your eyes, you found him lying beside you, gazing at you with the most adoring smile. In the soft light streaming in from the window, he looked nothing short of angelic, his fluffy, sleep-mussed hair framing his handsome face. No matter how many nights you spent together, you would never get used to waking up to this view.  

“You were in my dream last night,” he admitted shyly a moment later.

“Yea?” you questioned, loving the little blush that he was now sporting. “What did you dream about?”

He nervously bit his lower lip and looked away for a moment before responding.

“Umm, I might have dreamed that we were in the backyard of our theoretical future house playing with our theoretical future kids,” he said bashfully as his cheeks grew even redder.

Upon hearing his words, you felt the biggest, dopiest smile spread across your face. That might just be the most adorable, wonderful thing he’s ever said to you.

“Ok, you are too freaking cute,” you said, gazing at him with heart eyes.

“How many kids did we have?” you then asked, genuinely curious to know what his subconscious thought up.

“Honestly, I’m not sure,” he admitted with a laugh. “They were running all over the place so it was hard to get an accurate count.”

“Oh dear,” you said with a laugh of your own. “We had so many that you couldn’t even count them?”

“Theoretically speaking, it appears so,” he admitted, giving you a little smirk.

If there was any residual doubt in your mind after last night’s epiphany, it was gone now. The man literally had dreams where you had a family together, that’s how sure he was of your future. You were now more determined than ever to stand up to Jisoo and fight for Tae, your relationship, and that beautiful future he saw with you. And, you knew just how you wanted to do it.

While you and him spent the day lounging around and binging episodes of your new favorite show on Netflix, you secretly planned a special surprise for him for the following evening. It was one which you believed he would thoroughly enjoy and also one which would help make it crystal clear to Jisoo who exactly Tae belonged to. Since she had obviously failed miserably in her attempt to seduce him and have him lusting after her, you decided you were going to show her how it’s done. You were going to make it painfully obvious to her what it looked like when Kim Taehyung had it bad for someone, that someone being you.

Wanting him to be all the more eager tomorrow night, you exerted an enormous amount of self control and kept things PG all day long. That night, when Tae began kissing your neck and running his fingers along the waistband of your leggings while you were cuddling, his way of letting you know he was in the mood, you feigned being too tired to do anything. Given you rarely ever turned down an invitation for intimacy, you thought he might be surprised or disappointed by your reaction, but if he was he didn’t let it show. Always the gentleman, he immediately stopped what he was doing and reverted back to being a cuddly teddy bear, holding you affectionately but respectfully. It was extremely hard to turn him down, especially since his little kisses and touches had definitely gotten you in the mood, but you remained strong, committed to your plan.

You successfully warded off his advances the following morning too, though, it was certainly easier said than done. The two of you had an extremely healthy and active sex life, having literally not gone a single day without some form of intimacy since the night of your dinner date. Going almost 48 hours with nothing more than a few heated kisses was rough and made you all the more excited for this evening’s surprise.

You began putting your plan into action that afternoon once Tae left the apartment to head over to the dorms. The guys were having a meeting and then Jin was making dinner which meant he would be gone for several hours. As soon as he left, you got dressed and headed out to the mall, knowing exactly what store you wanted to visit and exactly what you planned on buying.

A couple hours later, you were back in the apartment, staring down at your purchases with a look of immense satisfaction. The lingerie set before you was incredibly sexy; it was gray, which was Tae’s favorite color, lacy, strappy, and almost entirely see-through. Up until recently, you never in your wildest dreams could have imagined wearing something so scandalous, but being with Tae had given you so much self-confidence. He made you feel like an absolute goddess whenever you were intimate, like every inch of you was beautiful and perfect. You genuinely liked the way you looked while wearing the set and were all but certain Tae would too.

After showering and shaving every last inch of your body, you did your hair in some soft curls and put on a bit of light, natural makeup. You then slipped the lingerie on, sat down on the bed, and texted Tae.

[5:11 PM] I decided to get out of the apartment for a bit and do some shopping.

You snapped a photo of the Victoria’s Secret bag sitting on the floor and sent it along with a winky face. Tae’s response came almost instantaneously.

[Taehyung 5:12 PM] Victoria’s Secret?! 😳

[Taehyung 5:13 PM] Is my Jagi going to put on a fashion show for me tonight? 👀

[5:14 PM] I might.

[5:14 PM] If you’re a good boy.

[Taehyung 5:15 PM] I will be. I’ll be such a good boy. The best boy.

[Taehyung 5:16 PM] Can I get a teaser photo? Pretty please? 🙏🏻

Laughing at him calling it a ‘teaser photo’ like this was some kind of BTS comeback, you laid down and propped yourself up on one elbow, resting your chin in your hand. You held your phone out in front of you and angled it so as to show off your cleavage and reveal a bit of the bra. Biting your lip ever so slightly, you then took a photo and hit send.

[Taehyung 5:20 PM] Fuck. Sweetheart.

[Taehyung 5:21 PM] You are gorgeous. Literally the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

[Taehyung 5:21 PM] Please let me see the rest of your beautiful body. PLEASE.

[5:22 PM] I will…

[5:22 PM] …once you get home.

[Taehyung 5:24 PM] You are minx. A siren. A seductive temptress.

[Taehyung 5:24 PM] And fuck if I don’t love it.

Getting up onto your knees, you took and sent another photo, this one from the side showing the thin straps of the panties and the curve of your ass.

[Taehyung 5:30 PM] That’s it. I’m leaving.

[Taehyung 5:30 PM] I don’t need the dinner Jin-hyung is making.

[Taehyung 5:31 PM] There is clearly a delicious meal waiting for me at home.

[Taehyung 5:32 PM] I told the guys there was an emergency which technically wasn’t a lie.

[Taehyung 5:32 PM] The emergency is that my sinfully hot girlfriend is alone in our bed right now wearing lingerie.

[Taehyung 5:33 PM] I’ll be home soon, Jagi.

[5:34 PM] I’ll be here waiting for you 💜

Twenty minutes later, which you noted with a chuckle was less time than it usually took to get home from the dorms, you heard the apartment door open. Not a minute after that, the door to the bedroom opened and Tae came bursting in, breathing heavily after clearly rushing to get to you.

You were sitting on the edge of the bed, legs crossed and a glass of wine in one hand. Wanting to keep the mystery as long as possible, you had thrown on the lingerie set’s matching satin robe. It barely came mid-thigh, though, and Tae was immediately drinking in the sight of your bare legs. Setting your glass of wine down on the nightstand, you stood up and strode over to him. His hands reflexively came out to rest on your waist, but you stopped him at the last second.

“No touching,” you said coyly, wagging your finger at him. “At least not until you prove you’re a good boy.”

He gave you an adorable pout as he slowly withdrew his hands.

“How do I do that?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

“Strip,” you then said simply.

Clearly caught off guard by your bold demand, his eyes went wide for a moment before his gaze darkened and a sly smirk spread across his face. Slowly, and without breaking eye contact, he began removing his clothes. Once he was down to just his boxers, you instructed him to lay down on the bed. You then pulled two scarves out of the top drawer of your dresser and held them up for him to see.

“If you want to see the fashion show, you have to be tied up,” you said flirtatiously.

His pupils were blown out wide now, his expression one of unmistakable lust. The two of you had never experimented with any form of bondage before, but it was more than obvious that this was something he found arousing.

“Are you OK with that?” you then asked more seriously, making sure he was actually comfortable with what you had just proposed.

“Yes,” he replied instantly. “Absolutely.”

“You can do whatever you want with me, Jagi,” he added as his tongue came out to wet his lips.

“Oh I will,” you said with a mischievous smirk.

Once he was fully restrained, you began the fashion show. You started by untying your robe and slowly letting it fall off one shoulder, giving him a tiny glimpse of the gray fabric beneath. After shrugging it off the other shoulder, the robe then pooled around your waist, exposing the entirety of the nearly see-through bra. You stayed like that for a little bit, letting the robe slip lower a couple times only to pull it back up at the last second, each time causing him to mutter a breathy curse.

The way he licked and bit his lips when you finally let the robe fall to the floor, shamelessly letting his gaze linger on the strappy panties that covered close to nothing, sent a wave of arousal through you. However, nothing turned you on more than him pleading in a deep, husky voice for you to turn around and let him see you from behind. You obliged, but glanced back to find him looking utterly transfixed by the way the lacy fabric hugged your curves.

After striking a number of naughty poses at the foot of the bed, you eventually climbed onto it and crawled towards him on all fours until you were hovering over him. You then proceeded to tease him with hot, open-mouthed kisses to his neck and chest and stomach until he begged for you to untie him, whining that he needed to touch you. You sat down and straddled him as you contemplated whether or not to let him go, relishing the low groans you drew from him every time you gently swiveled your hips. After a few minutes of torturing him like that, you decided he had been a good boy after all and finally released him.

The second he was free he pounced, pinning you to the bed with the hungriest look in his eye you had ever seen. The beast inside him now unleashed, he spent the rest of the evening absolutely devouring you, worshiping your body in every way imaginable and wringing pleasure from you until you truly couldn't take it anymore. It was by far the most intense and erotic sexual experience you’d ever shared together, one that was certainly more than you bargained for, but which had definitely accomplished your ultimate goal.

“Jagi, sweetheart,” Tae said between pants as you laid together afterwards, limbs tangled in a sweaty, messy heap. “You’ve ruined me.”

“How am I supposed to act professionally around you tomorrow after this?” he then questioned, more to himself than to you.

“I’m going to be sitting there in my chair daydreaming about you tying me to it and riding me,” he went on.  

“That could be arranged,” you said coyly, leaning in to give him a lazy kiss.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

“You love it,” you replied, biting back a smile.

“You’re damn right I do,” he growled as he rolled on top of you.

“How did I get so lucky?” he then mused as he gazed at you in wonder. “I’ve got a smart, kind, talented girlfriend who is also incredibly sexy and kinky as fuck who is one day going to be my wife and the mother of my children.”

“By the way, in my dream Friday night you were a total MILF,” he added as he leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on your lips before pulling back and giving you a wicked smirk.

“Tae!” you scolded with a laugh. “You can’t simultaneously dream about our children and about wanting to fuck me.”

“Sure I can,” he said, giving you a rather serious look. “That fact you were a hot mom that I wanted to fuck is obviously why we ended up with so many kids in the first place. Dream me clearly just couldn’t keep my hands off of dream you.”

“Ok well dream us clearly didn’t know about a little thing called contraception,” you replied jokingly.

“Speaking of which,” you continued, growing more serious and also slightly shy, “I’ve been thinking...maybe it’s time for me to go on birth control?”

“I just...it would make things easier and more convenient,” you went on nervously. “But, if you would prefer we keep using-”

“No,” he said breathlessly, cutting you off. “If you’re comfortable going on birth control then I’m absolutely on board.”

“I want to feel you, Jagi,” he continued, leaning his forehead against yours. “I don't want there to be anything between us when we make love.”

“OK,” you said quietly, overwhelmed by his incredibly supportive and romantic response. “I’ll make an appointment with my doctor.”

“OK,” he repeated with a little smile as he brought his lips to yours in a sweet kiss.

“I love you,” he then added softly as he pulled back and rubbed his nose against yours.

“I love you, too,” you replied, your heart absolutely overflowing with warmth and happiness.

This night may have begun as part of an elaborate plan to put Jisoo in her place and fend off her desperate attacks on you and your relationship, but it was ending on the tenderest of notes: Tae showing you, in yet another special, subtly meaningful way, just how much he loved you.

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Too Good To Be True - Ch. 47 | kth(m)

Summary: Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.

pairing: Taehyung x reader

genre: Idol! au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, friends to lovers, slow burn

rating: 18+

word count: 5.8k

warnings: none

A/N: The long ass chapter was unanimously voted for so here it is! I hope you enjoy. Also, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear your thoughts and reactions and predictions :)

Chapter 47: Lying To Yourself - Part 2

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There are moments in your life that you know without question you will never forget. They are indelible, monumental ones with profound and lasting effects, ones during which everything changes and after which you know you will never be the same.

The moment in your backyard when your mom told you her diagnosis was one.

The moment on the beach when Tae first called you his and kissed your temple was another.

The moment in your bedroom when you unconsciously recoiled from him was the most recent.

The panic and unease that you felt when he touched you subsided by the time he left the room, but by then the damage had already been done. The look on his face after you pulled away from him had caused a fracture somewhere deep down in your heart. From it emanated a dull, throbbing ache that reverberated throughout every corner of your body right down to the very core of your being. Tae was the love of your life. He was one day going to be your husband and father of your children. He was your home.

But you had let things get so bad, had kept so many secrets and let your mental health deteriorate to such an extent that, for the briefest of moments, you had been afraid of him.

Feelings of immense shame and deep regret began welling up inside you almost instantly and only intensified as the night progressed and Tae showered you with a level of love and attention that you felt wholly undeserving of.

He made one of his grandmother’s recipes for dinner, one he said she always made for him whenever he wasn’t feeling well. Once he was done, he didn’t call you into the kitchen, he brought a plate to you right there in the living room. After settling in behind you on the couch with your back to his chest, he proceeded to feed you with one hand and hold you close with the other. As if that wasn’t adorable enough, he spent the whole time saying sweet things like, ‘Have to take care of my Jagi’ and ‘Want my sweetheart to feel better’. Later on, after you had watched several episodes of your show and were starting to drift off, he carried you to bed and tucked you in.

The flood of guilt that poured down upon you that night as you tried and failed to fall asleep nearly drowned you. Tae had given you everything. Not just that night, but every night and every day since that moment on the beach. He had shown you over and over again how much he loved and respected and cherished you, but still you let in doubts about him, stomping all over his unwavering support and commitment with your unfounded mistrust and suspicion.

Yes, you were in a unique, complicated, and stressful situation by dating Tae in secret and having a fake dating cover. Yes, you were being harassed and manipulated by a selfish, conniving bitch who was clearly determined to ruin your relationship. But, at the end of the day, you were ultimately the one to blame for your life’s current state of disrepair.

You didn’t speak up.

You didn’t ask for help.

You didn’t take control of your own life.

As you laid there in Tae’s arms, the faint, but steady panging in your chest a cruel reminder of the hurt you had caused to you both, your mind latched onto a small flicker of hope.

It’s not too late to fix this.

Right?

~~~

Monday night you had lied when you said you didn’t feel well, but over the course of the next few days you found yourself feeling legitimately ill as you toiled over how to fix the mess you had created. Your head hurt all the time, no doubt from the turbulent thoughts that endlessly swirled through your mind. You felt nauseous when you remembered the awful things you’d allowed yourself to imagine or thought about how close you’d been to ruining everything. Your body ached from head to toe, though, nothing hurt quite as much as your heart. And, you were tired, so, very tired.

You knew these physical symptoms were psychosomatic, mere manifestations of the emotional stress you were experiencing, but Tae didn’t and immediately went into concerned, protective boyfriend mode. Whenever he asked what you thought might be wrong you said you just felt off and not like yourself which was technically the truth. You told him not to worry, though, and that you were sure you would feel better soon which was also the truth. At the end of the week, once you talked to him and made a plan for how to move forward together, you would feel better.

However, your reassurances unfortunately did nothing to quell his worries. He spent all week fretting about your health and doting on you, making sure you were comfortable and taken care of at all times. Around the apartment, he didn’t let you lift a finger. Despite your protests, he insisted on doing all the cooking and cleaning and laundry. He was also extremely physically affectionate, giving you shoulder massages and endless forehead kisses and all the cuddles, but he thankfully didn’t push for any kind of intimacy. Although the thought of it no longer made you uncomfortable, you wanted to wait until after you talked to be with him again.

He kept pleading for you to stay home from work and rest and even began threatening to tell Mrs. Choi that you were pushing yourself through sickness. You assured him it wasn’t that serious and that you were fine to keep working, but made an appointment with your doctor for next week anyway to appease him. It had been your plan to eventually make one anyway to discuss birth control options so the timing worked out.

While at work he was more affectionate and protective than ever before. Every day, he left one of your favorite dark chocolate truffles on the counter next to the ‘Best Friend Tata’ along with a secret, sweet note. When Mrs. Choi asked you to bring up some boxes from the storage closet downstairs, he offered to go with you and then refused to let you take any, carrying all three up by himself. He reminded you to stay hydrated throughout the day and refilled your water bottle every time it was close to empty. He even once accidentally gave your back an affectionate rub after you casually mentioned it was sore which thankfully no one saw.

All week long Jisoo seemed to be an afterthought to him, that is, if he even remembered at all that they were supposed to ‘dating’. He skipped all his cafe lunches with her and instead opted to eat with you in the break room. Clearly not wanting to leave your side unless absolutely necessary, he never went over to her studio. The few times she came to visit your studio, he paid her little mind and instead kept his focus on you, periodically asking how you were feeling or if there was anything you needed.

Although your original plan of purposefully rubbing your relationship in Jisoo’s face had gone out the window after the whole ‘J’ text message discovery, you realized partway through the week that Tae was unintentionally doing it anyway. Her displeasure over his lack of attention to her was deliciously obvious to you and the fact that he didn’t notice whatsoever made it all the sweeter. If him skipping lunch with her to have sex with you was winning the battle, then him basically forgetting about her existence because he was so concerned for your well-being was definitely winning the war.

You felt somewhat guilty for not telling him the real reason why you weren’t feeling well and for keeping him at arm’s length, but the space you created for yourself by doing so gave you some much-needed perspective regarding your current situation and its implications for your future together. Originally, you just wanted to confront him about what it was that he was hiding, but it dawned on you Monday night that doing so would only be addressing the symptom of a greater problem: the lack of trust and stability in your relationship. As the week progressed, and you thought through all that had happened and everything you were feeling, you eventually came to several crucial, long-overdue realizations.

By Tuesday, you knew you needed to come clean about everything you had been bottling up this past month. You were concealing your true feelings so as not to hurt him, but concealing your true feelings was causing him pain anyway. The longer you went without sharing them, the more damage they would cause when they inevitably spilled out. It would be painful for you both to talk about your deep-seated insecurities and the ways in which he had inadvertently hurt you, but together you would heal and your relationship would be that much stronger.

By Wednesday, you knew you needed to put an end to the fake dating immediately. Tae was fake dating Jisoo to protect your relationship, but fake dating Jisoo was putting your relationship in even greater danger than before. She had proven she could not be trusted and that her intentions were purely selfish. She was a deadly, toxic leech and it was clear she would keep taking from you until there was nothing left if given the chance. If Bang PD or anyone else still had doubts after they broke up, so be it. That was a risk you were willing to take to get her out of your life and take away the power she currently had over you.

By Thursday, though, you had come to the biggest, most consequential realization of all. You were at your station getting ready to head home for the day when Eunji and Donghae came over. You assumed they were coming over to gossip or just say goodbye…until you noticed they were holding hands. In hindsight, you shouldn’t have been surprised to learn they were dating. There had always been a little spark between them. You had always felt ever-so-slightly like a third wheel when you were all together.

Truly, though, you couldn’t be happier for them; they made a great couple. The excitement radiating off of them was contagious, and you found your mood lifting instantly just seeing them beam at one another all sappily. However, it was something Eunji said that had the most profound effect on you.

‘It just feels so good to say it out loud and not have to hide it anymore.'

That was the precise moment when you finally accepted a truth you had been avoiding for days: you needed to leave Big Hit. You were keeping your relationship a secret so you could be together, but keeping your relationship a secret was tearing you apart. You had come to this conclusion once before only to have Tae then convince you otherwise. His heart was absolutely in the right place when he did so, and you did not fault him for trying to preserve what seemed to be the ideal situation, but you knew now that the dream of being with him at Big Hit and with him was just too good to be true.

Sneaking around, keeping secrets, lying to everyone. You simply could not keep living like that for the next five plus years. It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t safe. It wasn’t fair. The truth, you now realized, was that you needed more. You both deserved more. You didn't deserve to have to keep things hidden, to be made to feel like your love was shameful and what you were doing was wrong. You deserved to be in a relationship where you felt secure, one where you could openly give and receive all the love and support you needed.

You leaving Big Hit would certainly present new challenges to your relationship, but if Tae loved you like you thought he did, he would understand it was truly the right decision. If you wanted that beautiful future he told you about - the kids, the big house in the countryside, the happily ever after - then this was a sacrifice that needed to be made.

Coming to all of these realizations had been a difficult and emotionally draining process, but you knew that sharing them with Tae was going to be even harder. No matter how carefully you chose your words, no matter how calmly you spoke, he was going to get extremely upset. For that reason, you thought long and hard about when to have this big, life-changing conversation.

Originally, you had planned to talk to him tomorrow before he met up with ‘J’, but he had actually not yet mentioned that he was going anywhere. If he wasn’t going out after all, you thought it might be best to wait until after the Big Hit family photoshoot on Saturday; dropping this bomb the night before seemed rather cruel. However, when you remembered that Jisoo was going to be there, and that she was going to be putting on a big show with Tae for Bang PD, you knew you couldn’t wait. You had to talk to him tomorrow.

You were looking forward to relaxing and enjoying this last evening with him before everything changed, but as soon as you got home from work you noticed Tae was a little off. He was strangely quiet throughout all of dinner and then only grew more withdrawn once you started cuddling on the couch watching Netflix. You were just about to ask him what was wrong when he suddenly paused the episode you were watching.

For the next few minutes he didn’t say anything, but you swear you could just hear him thinking. Eventually, he gently turned you around in his arms so you were facing him. The way he was nervously biting his lips and fidgeting his hands on your waist instantly set off alarm bells in your head. He looked so scared right now and your immediate thought was that he somehow knew what you were planning to tell him tomorrow.

“Jagi, the reason why you aren’t feeling well...is it because...are you…,” he began apprehensively before his voice trailed off.

You waited anxiously for him to finish that sentence and admit he somehow knew you had spent all week having an existential crisis which ultimately resulted in your decision to leave Big Hit. Taking a slow, deep breath, he gave you one last searching look before continuing.

“A-Are you pregnant?” he finally asked in a shaky, breathy voice.

Upon hearing his words, your eyes went wide. That was the absolute last thing you thought he was going to ask you.

“It’s just...I know it can happen even when you use protection and you brought up birth control for the first time on Sunday and now you’re suddenly feeling nauseous and achy and exhausted without any other explanation,” he rushed out.

“I can’t help but wonder if you took a test after we talked and found out you are, but that you’re afraid to tell me because you think I’ll be upset and not want you to keep it,” he then added, the hurt in his voice unmistakable.

“I know it would be really overwhelming and even a little scary if you were, but it hurts me to think that you wouldn’t want to tell me,” he went on, now getting a bit emotional. “That you think I wouldn’t be supportive.”

“Because the truth is, if you told me right now that you were pregnant I would be the happiest man in the world,” he said softly.

“I always saw us starting our family in the next few years before I went into the military so if we unintentionally got a head start that would be perfectly OK,” he then admitted with a hesitant smile.

“I would take care of you, sweetheart,” he added earnestly as he cupped your cheek with his hand. “We would get married and I would take care of you and our baby and I would be so unbelievably happy.”

For a few moments you simply stared back at him in stunned silence. You didn’t know what shocked you more, that your behavior this week had led him to this conclusion or the fact that he wouldn’t be at all upset if you had accidentally gotten pregnant. In all honesty, you always thought it would be many years before he’d want to get married and then many more after that before he’d want to start a family. As much as he loved kids, you assumed he wouldn’t want to start having them at the height of his career with BTS.

His declaration that he wouldn’t just be there for you, but would be genuinely excited, was by far the sweetest, most romantic thing he’d ever said to you. In that moment, you knew with absolute certainty that you and him were going to be OK. The changes that were coming would be difficult, yes, but you would get through them together.

You had half a mind to tell him everything right then and there, but you soon found yourself overcome with emotion. You felt guilty that you’d caused him to worry like this. You felt relieved that you would still be able to tell him of your decision on your own terms tomorrow. But, mostly you just felt grateful. Grateful that he was yours. Grateful to have his love.

“Tae, I’m not pregnant,” was all you managed to get out before you buried your face in his neck and began crying happy tears.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” Tae quickly said as he hugged you tightly to his chest. “I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“I was just worried,” he then added before placing a tender kiss on your temple. “You’ve never gotten sick like this before and I was worried and then I started thinking about things and Googling your symptoms and that made me more worried but also kind of excited and I just wanted to make sure and-“

You stopped his adorable rambling by gently pressing your lips to his.

“Baby, I’m not upset,” you said softly. “These are good tears.”

“I just love you so much,” you then added as you kissed the tip of his nose.

“I love you too,” he replied, gazing at you with a look of such adoration it made your heart melt.

“When the time comes, I promise you’ll be the first to know,” you then said with a shy smile.

“OK, Jagi,” he said back, giving you a big, boxy smile as he brushed away a stray tear with his thumb.

The two of you then spent the rest of the night holding each other close, sharing tender, lingering kisses, and whispering sweet nothings. This time, as you laid there in his arms, you felt the ache in your heart fade and the flicker of hope grow with each passing second.

You wouldn’t just fix it, you would make it better than ever before.

~~~

The following morning when you woke up, you felt better than you had in a long time. You felt well-rested, having fallen asleep rather quickly and finally gotten a decent night’s sleep. More than that, though, you felt at peace. At peace with your decision and the new direction your life with Tae was going to take. You were certainly still a little anxious about actually having the conversation, but last night gave you all the reassurance you needed to know that he would understand and support you.

After enjoying some lazy morning snuggles with him which Tannie boldly intruded on, the two of you eventually got yourselves out of bed and dressed for work. A short while later you were in the kitchen sipping coffee and reading the news when Tae came in.

“Hey, I just realized that I forgot to tell you I’m going over to Jimin's tonight for dinner,” he said casually as he began making himself some tea. “We realized on Monday that we haven’t really hung out in a while.”

“He says he’s worried you’ve replaced him as my soulmate,” he went on with a laugh. “He’s absolutely right, but I can’t let him know that just yet.”

The laugh you let out in response was hearty and genuine. All week long you had been waiting for this moment, but now that it was here you realized you didn’t want to press him and force him to reveal the truth. You trusted Tae, wholly and unequivocally. Whatever he was doing, whatever project he was working on, you believed with all your heart that he had a perfectly valid reason for not telling you about it yet, that it had absolutely nothing to do with Jisoo, and that it wasn’t anything you needed to worry about. It would probably come up anyway when you talked about everything tonight; there was no need to interrogate him about it right now.

“I suppose I could share you for a little while,” you said back in an exaggeratedly disappointed voice.

“Will you be out late you think?” you then questioned lightly, hoping he wouldn’t because your talk would probably take a fair amount of time.

“No, definitely not,” he assured you with a smile. “Not with the shoot tomorrow.”

“Ok, I’ll wait up for you then,” you replied nonchalantly.

“I’d like that,” he said back shyly, turning to give you a little smile. “I don’t like to go to bed without saying goodnight to you.”

Blushing a bit at his sweet words, you gave him a bashful smile of your own as you felt yourself relax a tiny bit more.

Tonight is going to go just fine

The day went by incredibly quickly. There was so much you and the other stylists needed to do to prepare for the photoshoot that there was hardly time to even think about your impending talk with Tae. You did, however, schedule a meeting with Mrs. Choi for Monday morning. Assuming your talk tonight went well, you would need to let her know about your plans to leave Big Hit. You were thinking it would be best to leave just before the holidays and wanted to give her enough time to find a replacement before then.

You also needed to give yourself time to find another job. Where you wanted to work next was something you hadn’t figured out yet and obviously needed to talk over with Tae. Given your experience, it made sense to go work with another group at one of the other management companies, but part of you wondered if it would be best to leave the music industry altogether. Perhaps you could take Park Seo-joon up on his offer and get a job working on a TV show. It would be different, for sure, but maybe the change would be good and would make you miss Big Hit and Tae a little less.

You only saw him once during the day when he dropped by the studio to pick something up from the storage closet. As he walked by the table where you were ironing his outfit for tomorrow, he shot you a wink which immediately made your heart flutter. Biting back a smile, you quickly looked down and got back to work. You would definitely miss being able to enjoy little moments like this with him, but you knew that having a healthy, solid relationship would be infinitely more rewarding.

As you were packing up at the end of the day, grateful not to be getting out ridiculously late, you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket.

[Taehyung 5:03 PM] I’m heading off to Jimin’s now.

[Taehyung 5:03 PM] I’ll see you later tonight, sweetheart.

[Taehyung 5:04 PM] I love you so much 💜

[5:04 PM] Have fun!

[5:04 PM] I love you too 💜

During the drive home it finally hit you that tonight was the night that would change everything. You had managed to stay calm throughout the day, but you were officially starting to get nervous now. It’s not that you didn’t think your conversation would go well because you absolutely believed that it would. You just knew it was going to be a tough one, filled with many tears on both sides.

Once you got home you changed into pajamas, had some leftovers for dinner, and then sat on the couch with a glass of wine. You put on a show to try and distract yourself, but your mind was most definitely elsewhere. You were trying to decide where and how to start the conversation and whether or not you should have some kind of speech prepared. After an hour of contemplation, the only thing you knew for sure was that the first thing you would say was a simple, ‘I love you.’ From there, you would just speak from the heart and trust that the words would come to you.

As the night wore on, you found yourself growing a bit restless. Although you didn’t specifically ask Tae what time he would be home, when he said not too late you assumed that meant around 8 or 9:00 PM. It was nearly 10:00 PM, now, though, and you hadn’t heard anything from him. Over the next half hour you wrote and erased a dozen messages to him. You were getting slightly worried, but didn’t want to disturb him and come off as too clingy. Thankfully, before you let your mind fill with dark thoughts that involved Tae lying in a ditch somewhere, your phone buzzed on the couch beside you.

[Taehyung 10:34 PM] I’m actually going to be here a while longer.

[Taehyung 10:35 PM] You don’t need to wait up.

Staring down at the words on the screen, your heart sank. You really wanted to talk to him about everything tonight. While you could theoretically still talk in the morning, you knew you wouldn’t have a lot of time. You also knew he was going to be a wreck afterwards and didn’t want him to then have to go straight to the photoshoot. Briefly, you considered just telling him you needed to talk to him and asking if there was any way he could come home sooner, but that felt kind of desperate. You still didn’t know where he was or what he was doing and you felt guilty bothering him. Letting out a long sigh, you finally replied back.

[10:40 PM] OK. Drive safe.

You didn’t then say goodnight because you didn’t actually have any intention of going to bed. The fact of the matter was you needed to talk to him tonight, even if that meant you stayed up until 3 in the morning and then had to hide the little baggies under his eyes in the shoot tomorrow. You had waited long enough as it was and you honestly didn’t think you would be able to sleep if you didn’t get all of this off your chest. Placing your phone back down on the couch beside you, you wrapped a blanket around yourself, snuggled Tanju to your chest, and waited.

It was almost midnight by the time he finally came home. The moment you heard the apartment door open, your stomach filled with butterflies. ‘This is it’, you thought to yourself. After a month of keeping everything inside, you were finally going to let it all out. You were extremely nervous, but also excited. Tonight would mark the start of the next chapter of your life together.

“Hi, Tae,” you said softly as he rounded the corner and entered the living room.

Clearly not expecting you to be there, he literally jumped at the sound of your voice.

“Oh, you’re still up,” was all he said, looking at you with an unreadable expression.

It was just four words, just a simple sentence, but with it he still managed to completely level you. It wasn’t even what he said, but the way he said it. In his voice there wasn’t just surprise, but disappointment. You could see it too in the way his face had fallen the moment he saw you. It was almost as if he was hoping you would be asleep when he got home.

“Yea, I…I said I would wait up,” you replied back hesitantly, trying not to convey the hurt you felt at his reaction.

“Well, you didn’t have to,” he said flatly as he looked away and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand.

A beat of uncomfortable silence then passed between you two as you tried to think of how to respond. Wherever he had been, whatever he had been doing, clearly something happened to make him upset. Standing up from the couch, you started walking towards him, hoping to comfort him with a hug, but the way he subtly stepped back and retreated from you had you stopping in your tracks.

“You should get to bed,” he said, his tone slightly clipped. “We have a long day tomorrow.”

As you looked him over, noting the way his hands were nervously fidgeting at his sides, the air between you grew heavy.

“Tae, is everything OK?” you asked after another few moments of awkward silence.

Your voice was now laden with concern and your expression one of genuine worry. Something was most definitely wrong right now.

“Everything is fine,” he replied, a hint of defensiveness in his voice.

“I just feel bad that you waited up,” he then added, his tone now suspiciously light and gentle. “I want to make sure you get a good night's sleep before the shoot tomorrow.”

The look he gave you then was much softer, but still reticent and with it you could just tell that he was silently pleading for you to stop asking questions. Whatever was bothering him, he didn’t want to talk about it right now. You didn’t want to press him on it if he wasn’t ready to share, but you did still want to have the conversation you had been preparing for all week long.

“I appreciate that,” you said cautiously.

“But I...I wanted to talk to you about something,” you then added hesitantly, trying to keep your voice even despite the fact that you were very much on edge at that moment.

In response, he let out a long, frustrated sigh.

“Look, I’m not really in the mood to talk right now,” he then replied irritatedly. “I’m tired and I just want to go to sleep.”

At the sound of his words, all of the courage you spent so long building up began draining out of you. Obviously, he didn’t know just how important the something you wanted to talk about was, but the fact that he just shut you down like that really stung. For a moment you thought about trying to explain to him that it really couldn’t wait, but one glance at the annoyed expression on his face immediately squashed that idea.

“OK,” you said quietly as you turned around and started towards the bedroom. “I’ll…I’ll head to bed then.”

Walking into the bedroom, you felt a heavy blanket of unease settle over you. You had never seen Tae act so strangely before, so distant and cagey and snippy. Last night he was so sweet and affectionate and caring, but right now he seemed like an entirely different person. Hoping that he was currently cooling off out in the living room, you slipped into bed and anxiously waited for him.

You waited for a long time, so long that you thought perhaps he fell asleep already out there on the couch, but eventually, sometime near 1:00 AM, he came into the room. From the way he trudged around, sighing deeply, you could tell he was still upset. When he finally climbed into bed, though, and laid down beside you but then didn’t put his arms around you like he usually did, you knew something was truly not OK.

“Tae, what’s wrong?” you whispered as you fought back tears. “Did I…did I do something to make you upset?”

From the way your words startled him, it was obvious he thought you were already asleep. Your heart plummeted in your chest when you realized he must have purposefully waited so long to come to bed in the hopes that you were no longer awake so he could avoid talking to you.

“No, sweetheart, you didn’t,” he quickly assured you as he wound his arms around you and pulled you close.

“I…I got into an argument with Jimin before I left his apartment,” he then said reluctantly. “I'm just upset about that.”

Obviously, you knew that wasn’t the truth, but you didn’t want to let him know you knew that since you hadn’t had a chance to talk to him about everything. Still, you wanted to try and understand what was wrong and why he was acting like this.

“Are you sure that’s it?” you asked in the smallest voice imaginable. “It just…it seemed like you weren’t happy to see me when you got home.”

“Jagi, I’m so sorry I made you feel that way,” he replied, the guilt in his voice evident. “You didn't do anything wrong.”

“I’m just stressed and frustrated with myself and I took it out on you,” he then added sadly. “I’m so sorry for doing that.”

For a few moments, you didn’t respond as you let his words wash over you. He did seem more flustered than angry right now, so perhaps whatever was bothering him truly wasn’t about you. Part of you still wanted to talk, but it was already so late and it just didn’t seem like the right time to get into everything. You were tired now, and still hurt from the way he had treated you, and no longer felt ready to share any of the important things you needed to tell him. With a heavy heart, you accept that it would just have to wait until tomorrow morning.

“It’s OK,” you finally said back.

“I’m sorry again, sweetheart,” he said back, sounding genuinely remorseful.

“It’s OK,” you repeated tiredly. “Let’s just get some sleep.”

“Goodnight, Tae,” you whispered.

“Goodnight, Jagi,” he said back before pressing a kiss to your shoulder.

As you laid there, trying to relax and get comfortable after the unexpectedly stressful events of the evening, you suddenly noticed something. You had been so relieved when Tae finally put his arms around you and snuggled you against his chest that it initially failed to catch your attention. For the first time since you had started dating, for the first time since he stayed with you the night of the Dynamite music video shoot, he was doing something that very well might have been a coincidence, but was extremely peculiar and ever-so-slightly unsettling nonetheless.

He was sleeping with a shirt on.

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A Penny For Your Thoughts

Would you rather have:

Two chapters, each about 3k long, one that’s mostly buildup and the other with all the action.

OR

One long ass chapter with everything together

?!?!?