Blubeetle - I ❤️ My Evil Wife

honestly the da2 companions are just so juicy. so crunchy. you’ve got an escaped slave squatting in his ex-master’s mansion full of corpses and he’s got glowing tattoos and he sometimes uses them to reach into people’s chests and rip out their hearts???? isabela straight up sank a slave ship on purpose. the first time you meet her she asks you to come be her backup for a duel she fully expects to go way wrong. you’ve got this doctor posessed by a literal spirit of justice who compels him to do things like set up a free clinic in the sewers and not drink and blow up a church. the classic “ooh cute girl OH SHIT SHE’S CONSORTING WITH DEMONS” there’s an ex-fuckboy who is now a monk but still does shit like help you break into locked chests and he’s scottish and he will declare war on you. the first time you see aveline she tackles a darkspawn punches it in the face several times then decapitates it then she straight up uncovers a conspiracy in the kirkwall guard and ousts the former captain like nbd??? and then there’s the dude who’s like nah not badass enough still gotta embellish every goddamn thing i tell anyone about these people and there’s your baby sib :)

the only inquisition companion who can even hold a candle to these bitches is sera who sends you on an elaborate scavenger hunt and dramatically cutting into a fight and stealing a bunch of underwear and if you romance her you can shave a cuss word into your pubes as a gift to her and you’re not even allowed to LIKE HER????? who dropped the golden ass line “i made you a hat but it looked like shit so i drew corefyshit’s face on it and now everybody’s hitting it with sticks”????!?!??!?!? who the fuck are we supposed to like in this fucking game oh wise biowario??? the egg????? huh??? is a silly little egg man who lectures me for hours on end about archaeology supposed to light a fire in my cold dead heart????!???! fuck you. 

no frivolous bullshit like “production value”””” can measure up to how everybody in da2 is just so chaotic buckwild off the shits! and that’s not even touching the protagonist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you for coming to my ted talk

this just in: theyre both fucking idiots

while yall were busy with bigfoot and furry twig, i was busy being horny on main

*mitski’s cover of lets get married playing frm another room*

Yeah I really love his new summer skin