I Did A Lot Wrong That I Cant Make Right .

❛  i  did  a  lot  wrong  that  i  can’t  make  right .  ❜

𝑫𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑯 𝑶𝑭 𝑨𝑵 𝑶𝑷𝑻𝑰𝑴𝑰𝑺𝑻 .    (   lyric starters  originating  from  the  works  of  grandson .   mature  &  dark  themes  are  present ,   tread  with  caution .   ) 

★ — "You — you ——."

Everything Gregory could possibly say feels as if it's caught in his throat, slowly constricting until it's cutting off his ability to catch a breath. He wants to scream, wants to yell, throw a fit until his lungs hurt, lash out until Michael is far, far away from him — but he feels frozen to the spot, ice running through his veins as he stares at the man who has becomes the closest thing he's ever known to family in abject horror.

Don't lie to me. It hadn't been a request ; it had been a demand, an insistence to hear the truth he already knew deep down in his chest from Michael, who had done nothing but lie every time Gregory had pushed. He had known, instinctively, from the moment he woke up outside the hospital. He had the confirmation now, in the form of a tape recorder. He just needed to hear it from Michael. And now that's been laid out plainly ( no more lies between them ), he feels sick.

His life would have meant something. His life was supposed to mean something. The people who had died when he survived would have meant something. He shouldn't be here — not when people were still suffering, not when everything was still in ruin, not when the only hope anyone had was so quickly snuffed out.

( yet, the thought leaves a pinprick of fear panging through his heart ; he can see a cruel smile, feel a grip tighten on his wrist, just below the bite wound, keeping him in his grasp ).

He shakes the image away — something violent in the motion, his hair falling in his eyes as he pulls his arms in towards his chest, cradling the bitten arm. It shakes him out of his trance, something akin to a wail slipping past his lips. What had Michael done?

"The fireflies — they were going to fix things! We traveled all that way to fix things!"

There are tears welling in his eyes, an occasional lone teardrop slipping down his cheek. Despite his usual hesitance to cry in front of anyone, Gregory doesn't try to stop it this time. There's far too much to try and hold back.

"I had s-so many questions for them."

Words fall more towards a whisper, speaking to himself despite the way his eyes stay trained on Michael with the harshest glare he can manage. He thinks he might be trembling ; his breath coming in choppy, short bursts.

( he can see the fire surrounding them, hear a rage - filled voice telling him to come out of hiding, that his death would be far more valuable to the world than any life he could live. the ends justify the means ).

"We said — we said we'd see it through to the end. I wanted to see it through to the end."

The last of his resolved breaks, as his words tapper off from a shout into an ugly sob. Gregory wavers on his feet for a second, the tears flowing freely before he simply collapses into a crouch, curling in on himself as if trying to be as small as possible. His head buries into his knees, arms wrapping around to pull his limbs in even closer. The cries shake his body, though they fall silent, instead leaving the occasional whimper and gasp for breath to fill the air. It's as if he's trying to make himself disappear.

the boy, the mole, the fox and the horse.

❛  that cake. it looks delicious. spectacular. i mean it's magnificent.  ❜

❛  what do you want to be when you grow up?  ❜

❛  nothing beats kindness. it sits quietly beyond all things. ❜

❛  it's the wild. don't fear it.  ❜

❛  wait, i said don't fear it, not charge right at it. ❜

❛  if at first you don't succeed, have some cake.  ❜

❛  isn't it odd we can only see our outsides but nearly everything happens on the inside?  ❜

❛  is there something there?  ❜

❛  imagine how we'd be if we were less afraid.  ❜

❛  most of the old people i know wish they'd listened less to their fears and more to their dreams. ❜

❛  what do you dream about?  ❜

❛  please, be careful.  ❜

❛  i'm not afraid. i'm not afraid. i am not afraid.  ❜

❛  if i wasn't caught in this snare, i'd kill you.  ❜

❛  if you stay in that snare, you'll die.  ❜

❛  you did so well.  ❜

❛  one of our greatest freedoms is how we react to things.  ❜

❛  well, i think everyone feels a bit lost sometimes. i know i do.  ❜

❛  you can't live in a cake shop.  ❜

❛  i think home is somewhere warm and kind, with lights.  ❜

❛  hello. have you been here a while?  ❜

❛  are you lost? we are but we have a plan.  ❜

❛  the snow on the trees, it really does look just like icing.  ❜

❛  doing nothing with friends is never doing nothing, is it?  ❜

❛  well, we're on a quest for cake.  ❜

❛  you fell. but i've got you.  ❜

❛  tears fall for a reason. and they're your strength, not weakness.  ❜

❛  i think you believe in me more than i do.  ❜

❛  life is difficult but you are loved.  ❜

❛  to be honest, i ... i often feel i've got nothing interesting to say.  ❜

❛  being honest is always interesting.  ❜

❛  what's the bravest thing you've ever said?  ❜

❛  asking for help isn't giving up. it's refusing to give up.  ❜

❛  sometimes i want to say 'i love you all' but i find it difficult so i say something like 'i'm glad we're all here.' ❜

❛  i'm so glad we're all here.  ❜

❛  what should we do? that didn't sound good.  ❜

❛  when the big things feel out of control, focus on what you love right under your nose.  ❜

❛  this storm will pass.  ❜

❛  it feels like we have such a long way to go.  ❜

❛  i just don't think i can do this. i'm never going to find a home.  ❜

❛  you know, sometimes your mind plays tricks on you. it can tell you you're no good, that it's all hopeless. but i've discovered this: you are loved and important, and you bring to this world things that no one else can. so, hold on.  ❜

❛  there's something i haven't told you.  ❜

❛  it looks like a home, doesn't it?  ❜

❛  always remember, you're enough. just as you are.  ❜

❛  home isn't always a place, is it?  ❜

❛  so, you know all about me? and you still love me?  ❜

❛  that's why we're here, isn't it? to love. and be loved. ❜

❛  what do you want to be when you grow up?  ❜ bonnie !

the boy, the mole, the fox and the horse

★ — Question catches him off guard ; his expression scrunching up in something like confusion and distaste. The gaze his tosses towards the animatronic as they continue walking seems to say 'is this really the time?', but he just as quickly turns his focus back forward with even more intent than he had previously, as if he doesn't want to think about his answer.

It's not like it's an unusual question, especially for someone Gregory's age. So common, in fact, that it's probably coded into Bonnie's protocol for moments where kids seem closed off or even stressed ( both things Gregory is, and has been since arriving at the pizzaplex ), an easy way to get them excited about something. He wonders if he did something to trigger the prompt, or if it's somewhat genuine. Either way, he lets a long moment of silence pass before huffing and shrugging, keeping his eyes locked forward.

"I dunno — alive, mostly. Which is seeming kinda hard right now."

His words are meant to be slightly humorous ( dark, sure, but hey, he isn't wrong ), but there's a bitterness that underlays them — both about the situation he's found himself in, and the question itself. Gregory hasn't had any idealistic, childish hope for his future long before he entered the pizzaplex. How could he, when everyone was so quick to give up on him?

The silence settles again. Gregory sighs, releasing some of that anger with it.

"When I was little, I liked space a lot. I thought being an astronaut would be cool. I dunno if I'd still wanna do that, though."

literally half of writing gregory is just finding new ways to stress michael out. unrelated anyways I think gregory should meet ennard

𝙷𝙾𝚆 𝙳𝙾𝙴𝚂 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴 𝙲𝙰𝚁𝚁𝚈 𝙴𝙼𝙾𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 ? please repost , don’t reblog ! bold / italicize what applies accordingly .

『 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 . 』   jaw     clenching ,     hands     balling     into     fists ,     teeth     grinding,     yelling ,     going     nonverbal ,     vocalizations ,     stuttering     speech ,     rushed     speech ,     slow     concise     speech ,     rambling ,     quiet ,     arms     crossing ,     shaking     head ,     curling     lip     upwards ,     baring     teeth ,     tearing     up ,     animated ,     expressionless ,     projects ,     internalizes ,     vents ,     withdraws ,     tighter     movements ,     passive-aggressive ,     direct ,     physical     outbursts ,     verbal     outbursts ,     pacing ,     going     still ,     anger     boils     over     in     the     heat     of     the     moment     but     cools     down     quickly     afterwards ,     anger     brews     slowly     but     lingers     longer ,     will     act     out     of     impulse     when     angry ,     will     stew     on     their     anger     and     plot     revenge ,     holds     grudges ,     forgives     easily ,     forgives     but     never     forgets

『 𝒋𝒐𝒚 . 』  easy     smiles ,     fighting     back     grins ,     suppressed     laughter ,     loud     laughter ,     giggles ,     chuckling ,     smirks ,     whole     body     laughs ,     covers     mouth     when     laughing/giggling ,     throws     head     back     when     laughing ,     slaps     leg ,     touches     people     around     them     when     laughing ,     looks     down     when     laughing ,     looks     for     eye     contact     when     laughing,     sparkling     eyes ,     bubbly     happiness ,     quiet     subtle     happiness ,     obnoxious     happiness ,     wants     to     spread     joy ,     quietly     savors     joy

『 𝒔𝒂𝒅𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 . 』   crying ,     bottling     it     up ,     seeking     distractions ,     wallowing ,     meditating     and     processing ,     avoidance ,     seeking     out     comfort ,     withdrawing ,     swallowing     thickly ,     talking     it     out ,     internalizing     it ,     sad     smiles ,     depression     naps ,     using     alcohol ,     using     drugs ,     seeking     out     sources     of     joy ,     fidgets     with     sentimental     item ,     sits     in     silence ,     broods ,     gets     moody ,     wants     someone     to     share     the     misery ,     tries     to     hide     negative     emotions ,     nurtures     others     to     make     themselves     feel     better

『 𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕     /     𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒎𝒆 . 』       blushing ,     looking     away ,     rubbing     at     the     back     of     the     head ,     running     a     hand     through     hair ,     clearing     throat ,     covering     the     face ,     laughing     nervously ,     laughing     it     off ,     overthinking ,     letting     it     go ,     self-deprecating     humor ,     deflecting ,     getting     irritated ,     smiling ,     withdraws ,     crossing     arms     over     the     stomach ,     crossing     arms     over     chest ,     hands     in     pockets ,     shoulders     sinking ,     shrugs ,     falling     into     silence     until     comfortable     again ,     talking     a     lot     to     compensate

『 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕 . 』   avoiding     eye     contact ,     shoulders     sinking     low ,     head     hanging     down ,     crying ,     chest     aches ,     lashing     out ,     internalizing ,     apologizing ,     deflecting ,     communicating ,     withdrawing ,     grand     gestures     for     forgiveness ,     accepting     fault     easily ,     punishing     themselves ,     martyrdom ,     victim     complex ,     over-active     guilt     complex ,     healthy     conscience ,     internalizes     even     after     forgiveness ,     seeking     redemption ,     moves     on     easily ,     denial ,     shuts     off     empathy     to     cope ,     lack     of     guilt / conscience ,     sorry     they     got     caught     more     than     caused     harm ,     can’t     handle     knowing     they     hurt     others

『 𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒓     /     𝒂𝒏𝒙𝒊𝒆𝒕𝒚 . 』   trembling ,     crying ,     sarcasm / sass     to     cope,     humour     to     cope ,     rambles ,     going     quiet ,     going     nonverbal ,     getting     angry ,     fidgeting ,     freezing     up ,     impatience ,     clenching     jaw ,     picking     at     nails ,     chewing     at     the     lip ,     pulling     at     clothes ,     adjusting     jewelry / clothing / hair ,     pacing ,     swallowing     thickly ,     eyes     widening ,     over - reacts ,     under - reacts ,     calm ,     logical ,     panic ,     irrational,     overthinks ,     carefully     analyzes ,     talk     to     themselves ,     breathing     exercises ,     flight ,     fight ,     withdraw ,     fawn.

tagged by: @bravevolunteer tagging: steal it from me !!

My problem is I never healed I just kept going