Candeathbereal - Just Here

Astrology and my childhood and what I have found funny about it

So let's get into this. In advance I will be talking about my trauma but I will not go too much into detail about it since that feels weird. I figured I'd put this disclaimer because I know this shit isn't what everyone wants to read when they are researching astrology.

My moon squares my mars but my moon also opposes my mercury and my Venus to varying degrees of course. I have a Leo rising so my fourth house is in Scorpio while the two siblings I was raised with for most of my life have a Leo and a Gemini rising. If it helps I was raised with both my parents which I feel kinda lucky for when I think about it. Because considering my father was there to protect me and my sister from my mother's eccentric behavior when the time came. I do wish my brother got the same protection but that is for another time. Anyways I know I have intense mommy issues and maybe some daddy issues. There is no doubt that I am emotionally not the greatest but I feel like if I got it worse I would be even more fucked ya know? Now back to astrology.

My mother has a Sag sun, Aquarius moon, Scorpio mercury, Capricorn Venus, and a Aries mars. So it's always funny to read post that talk about how unemotional Aquarius moons are when my mother is one of the most emotional people I have met. I might as well include my dad's placements as well. He has a Pisces sun and mercury, a Taurus moon and mars, and then an Aries Venus. I'll rehash my placements real quick: Aries sun, mercury, and Venus. Virgo moon, Sag mars, and Leo rising. I was considered my mother's favorite and there is no doubt I did lean into it for my own self interest. I wouldn't say me and my mother were emotionally bonded like most mother and child dynamics go. I simply knew that if I had any emotional problem I would have to rely on myself or even my siblings as opposed to my mom. Nothing against my dad he just had his own problems going on already plus my mom would have gotten mad if I showed favoritism to my dad in any way. I do call it favoritism because it felt like that imo. I do love my dad without a doubt but my mom I'm not too sure of. It's more guilt that I don't love her but I know love isn't something you can force either it's one of those confusing things for me.

Anyways there are some interesting synastry aspects I wanted to talk about though. My dad's Pluto is conjunct my moon while it opposes my mercury. Whereas my Pluto is conjunct my mom's sun and sextile her moon. Her Pluto is opposite my mercury and Venus tho. Her Chiron is conjunct my sun almost to an exact. I'll post a part two since this will go on for a while. I'll post the link in this post (at the bottom) and on my masterlist. I might include a photo of our synastry aspects in that post as well idk tho. Anyways I find it interesting how Pluto acts in synastry but what's even funnier is how Saturn acts in synastry.

Personal planets wise my dad and I only have one Saturn aspect and it's my Saturn sextile his Venus while my mother have a good amount. There is no doubt she has a great effect on me (it's kinda hard to not). Anyways her Saturn is squared my moon, mercury, and Venus while it is also opposite my Chiron and sextile my mc. Then my Saturn is trine her Venus. Funnily enough my Pluto, Mars, and Ascendant is also trine her Chiron. I think some of them are great aspects to have but some feel odd to have with your own mother.

The planet of restrictions and the planet of transformation and obsession. I highlight both because of the difference in the aspects between my mother and father towards me, and the difference in dynamics. To a certain degree I can't be truly upset with how my childhood was because there are certain factors in it that make me sympathize with my parents especially. For instance, we were relatively poor considering we were on food stamps and my mother has mental illnesses. Apparently she has bipolar disorder along with PTSD but I can't exactly say in what way that explains or excuses her past behaviors. Plus she was unmedicated for the most part because she didn't feel great on the pills and she was suicidal at times so it was just better to overall have her unmedicated at that time in her life. Does that excuse her abusive tendencies? No and yet I can't help but wonder if certain things weren't the way they were, would my childhood have been different? Idk and I can't focus on the what ifs in this situation because realistically it does nothing for me in the end.

Anyways I'll talk more about this another time because this post has gone on for a long time. Here is the links for more info:

Pt 2

Another post in case you just want to see the synastry aspect photos.

MARS IN THE HOUSES

Things your placement makes me think of ❤️‍🔥

MARS IN THE 1ST HOUSE: Gorgeous eyebrows, jawline, being competetive, scarring, martial arts, animal magnetism, gymrat, mma, having to do the dirty work, standing up for those who cant stand up for themselves, overly courageus, a need to show you can do it, fitness contests, you are seen as someone whos not to mess with, hard working, red hair, looking good in red, easily irritated, walking fast, bragging, easily irritated when people do things too slowly, blunt, saying it like it is, prefering to hang out with men, fierce look, model body, a strong need to get stuff done everyday, forgetting to rest.

MARS IN THE 2ND HOUSE: From nada to prada, the amount of money you have affects your self esteem, people constantly wanting to borrow from you, the first one in the family to make it, wanting the best looking house in the neighborhood, a need to own a lot, a lot of conflicts in the family, overprotective, envious of others possessions, velvet and silk clothes, if it aint high quality you dont want it, quality over quantity, practical, irritated by people who are irresponsible with money, generous, materialistic, overworking yourself, a harsh tone, putting on a scary voice when angry, people feel safe around you, cozy.

MARS IN THE 3RD HOUSE: Straight to the point, online conflicts, blunt, sibling rivalry, arguing for the sake of arguing, sassy, cursing, driving fast, rapper, rap battle, formidable debater, gossip as a way of fighting, ”im gonna tell everyone what you did”, outspoken, too blunt, looking for conflict, neighbourhood bully, sounding rude when you didnt mean too, passive aggressive digs, an addiction to confrontation, sexy voice, mentally competetive, strong need to defend yourself, dirty talk, being able to convince everyone, beef with the neighbours, honest, extremely alert, hard to to fool.

MARS IN THE 4TH HOUSE: Issues with citizenship,raised by a single mom, being raised by an angry or stressed out parent, having to raise yourself, a mother whos obsessed with rules, a mom who takes anger out on you bc daddy left, home is like a warzone, a family of bullies, hearing your mom talk shit about people on the phone all day, learning early to stand up for yourself, nostalgic, being uncomfortable at home, you can be a patriot or the opposite a dislike for your homecountry and wanting to leave it, being the ”man of the house”, sensitivity turned into anger, strong desire to move away from home, moving a lot, renovation business, your mother affected your view of women and sex.

MARS IN THE 5TH HOUSE: An obsessive need to feel seen, wanting to be admired, pride, viewing sex as art, wanting to be one of the popular people, gambling, creativity, feeling a strong need to come across as confident, being competetive, very sexual, drama queen, boy/girl crazy, fashionista, lucky, naturally entertaining, not afraid to express your sexuality, not afraid to show off, stage presence, custody battle, having a martian child, attention seeking, needing competition to feel alive, flirty, high libido, bad habits, a style that stands out, glamorous, being a diva.

MARS IN THE 6TH HOUSE: Obsessive need to feel productive, finishing 100 tasks in a day, strong need to be of service, sexy body, gymrat, gym receptionist, sexy maid costume, competing with people in the same business, sabotaged by coworkers, diets, veterinary, irritated by lazy people, being surrounded by lazy coworkers, you are annoyed by people who dont follow the routine, submissive, exhausting yourself, organizing, ”lady in the streets, freak in the sheets” energy, people expecting you to do it, working 3 different jobs, working until you collaps, refusing to rest until you are done.

MARS IN THE 7TH HOUSE: Dating bad boys, moving in together the same year you meet someone, a strong need to prove who you can get, attracting very sexual relationships, flings that burn bright but quickly, might get involved in more conflicts than others during your life, attracted to arrogant people, attracted to people with a lot of masculine energy, having a lot of enemies, relationships ending on a sour note, wanting to dominate the relationship or wanting a partner who dominates, wanting relationships to move fast, being aggressive towards partners or them being aggressive towards you, needing a relationship thats passionate, breaking up and getting back together a thousand times, constant bickering, passive aggressive comments.

MARS IN THE 8TH HOUSE: People with masculine energy becoming obsessed with you, sex appeal, being a victim of violence from men, early painful experiences with men, men you dated coming back years later to get with you again, trauma surrounding sex, a bad first time, taboo relationships, attracted to the forbidden, attracting envy from masculine energy people, vengeful, intense anger, threaths, seeing the worst side of men, animal magnetism, attracting people wherever you go, people being innappropriate with you, people seeing you as someone whos good in bed, sexually charged, oozing it, enjoying scary movies and documentaries.

MARS IN THE 9TH HOUSE: Forcing your opinion on people, a lot of enemies at school, people attacking bc of your cultural background or religion, not liking people who disagree with you, strong opinions, comedian, disliked by teachers and students, having to change schools, you come across as ditzy, people constantly asking you where you are from, well known at school, funny stuff in the school bathroom, people underestimating your intelligence, getting into heated discussions about religion, gambler, breaking tradition.

MARS IN THE 10TH HOUSE: Top model, CEO, sex symbol, models stealing eachothers outfits backstage, go hard or go home, dog eat dog, seen as someone bitchy, everybody knows who you are, posting gym selfies, being forced into sports as a kid, a parent who shamed you for being a pussy, wearing the latest, intimidating people without doing snything, catcalling, fitnessinfluenser, fitspo, only one can win, leaked sex tape, a reputation for being sexy, it girl, sex symbol, baddest b in town, public fights, the best at whatever you do, raised by a single mother, afraid of not being seen as high status.

MARS IN THE 11TH HOUSE: Protesting, fitnessinsta, posting pictures at the gym, ”haters make me famous”, teamplayer, being cancelled, attracting anger on the internet, cyber bullying, humanitarian, people love to hate you, a striking look, friendships ending on bad terms, leader of a group, activist, rally starter, cheerleader, it girl, Regina George energy, hanging out with the guys, exposing the bad guys, friends with benefits, from enemies to friends, befriending someone you disliked at first sign, a friendscircle of bitches, onlyfans, needing the latest technology, the power of knowing everyone, wanting to know everyone, rebel without a cause.

MARS IN THE 12TH HOUSE: Passive aggressive, men playing you for a fool, being decieved by men, dating the town drugdealer, being surrounded by men who lie and drink, passive aggressive comments, afraid of confrontation, finding comfort in an addiction, men turning you against other women, wanting to be the saviour, making someone else fight for you, working at a mental hospital, working with addicts, not knowing who the enemy is, a good actor, being used by men, men giving you compliments to get something from you, repressing your sexuality, secret relationships, isolation, unknowingly being the side chick, scared of standing up for yourself.

© 2023 Zeldas Notes

Small Astro observations

-Sun conjunct ascendant in synastry is an odd moment for me. Mostly cause as a Leo rising I have met some Leo suns and I have no bad blood for them. It just feels weird because most times the Sun person will mimic the ascendant person in some way. From what I’ve noticed at least. Maybe my Uranus being in my seventh house has a mild affect because Aquarius is all about uniqueness or something along those lines. So naturally I can enjoy the idea of someone doing/acting similar to me but not enough to make a bond with a person. Idk it feels odd for me at least. Other people enjoy it though but maybe it’s just my ego talking idk.

-Pisces suns from what I have seen have either sleepy eyes or something distinct about their teeth. Some people have said that Pisces have fish teeth but that isn't all they can have. Idk I've noticed that most Pisces I have met can have fish like teeth but overall their teeth just has something distinct about them. For instance, my dad has almost no teeth but still chooses to eat steak and all that even though it doesn't seem that easy for him to do. I also think it's the Taurus moon and mars that adds to his stubbornness. You could read this observation for either tropical or sidereal since I've seen the same with some Aries suns (tropical). I myself am an Aries sun but Pisces sun in sidereal and I have a lazy eye and some interesting teeth imo. Mostly cause I have two sharp teeth kinda where you would see vampire fangs but I have a similar moment with two bottom teeth like directly below my other two teeth. There is just a odd sharpness to them that my other teeth don't have. Plus I have always had problems with my teeth to the point that apparently at the age of 12 I had to get most of my back teeth removed (they were baby teeth so they grew back).

-3rd house synastry creates more of a sibling like bond with a person or that person could remind you of one of your siblings (depends on you I guess idk how many siblings people have so yeah). Whereas 4th house synastry has more of a likelihood to remind you of a general family member as opposed to one of your siblings or just a sibling in general. I've noticed that 4th house synastry causes an emotional comfort where you can talk about your trauma or just childhood in general with someone one, but 3rd house synastry is more like a weird assumption that you don't really have to talk about that because somehow it is just accepted that you know it. Again kinda like a sibling moment cause most times you don't have to have deep talks about your childhood with your siblings (at least for me most times). Funnily enough I have fourth house synastry with both my sister and one of my brothers (I have my moon in my sister's fourth house whereas my brother has his moon in my fourth house), so we do have those talks about our trauma and such. Honestly I have always felt more close (emotionally) with them than my own parents. It's an interesting bond for sure for me. I feel very lucky that I have that bond with my siblings.

-6th house synastry is a moment to live through because it can manifest differently based on the planet. I think moon in sixth house causes the most mixed reactions to each other, because the sixth house is all about routine and service. So the moon being there causes a emotional bond for each other through service towards each other. Although it does depend on other aspects of the synastry most times it's a mutual I help you you help me kinda vibe to it. I think it can work out but both parties would have to have some level of emotional maturity or even just a lack of Pluto influence. It's not like it can't work out with Pluto influence but it just would take a lot more work since Pluto is a little cunt who likes messing around with shit so the emotions get fucked around with the most. I can't blame Pluto too much for it since it is a planet all about transformation and obsession and people can control their own actions. Take what you can from what I said.

Anyways I haven't posted in a while so I figured I'd do that real quick cause it would feel wrong not to. I would love to hear you guy's thoughts on this or even anything at all. Feel free to message me for any questions you might have. I can't guarantee anything great or even smart. A veces no tengo sentido. Todavia estoy aprendiendo espanol asi que pido disculpas por mi mal espanol

Random Astro observations

-Leo suns with fire moons are just really talkative and social a lot of the time. At least the ones I have met so far. I have met people who react to small things with a big reaction who happened to all be Leo suns and an Aries moon. Sometimes I’ll have their sun conjunct my rising and I think that attracts them to me. I also blame having my ascendant aspecting my sun, Pluto, and Venus. It also has aspects with my Neptune and Lilith. So I’m used to people assuming that not trying to get to know me and just having a playful conversation with me bonds us somehow.

-That is another thing i swear I will do something just to see how long it will take for someone to adopt that mannerism. Honestly I have people at my work greeting me with 🤙🏻, and that’s mostly because I would just do that with them. Actually I wouldn’t even always use it with them, like I would deadass do it with someone else or even just randomly. I swear this isn’t the first time this has happened. Throughout most of my life I would just exist and the reactions people would have are interesting. I’m pretty sure they think my blank expression is me “trying to act cool” but really I’m just chilling in my own world since I’ve been entertaining myself a lot since I was a kid. Sometimes I’m just people watching like you can talk to me but again I’m just existing in this room. I’m not trying to do anything else besides what I need to do. Sorry for the long ass paragraph about myself. Truly a Leo rising moment I know.

-Sag mercuries will say shit just for the reaction of a person. I personally don’t really say stuff just to say stuff but I can understand the reason they do it sometimes. They just want to learn more about people. Idk it’s my main theory so far. As an Aries Mercury I will talk to myself more than others. I find sag mercuries entertaining for sure, but I know that if I said anything too blunt I could harm them. I wonder if my lack of words influences this as well idk tho.

-A person with a scorpio sun and a Capricorn moon will have a special place in my heart. Like with their sun in my fourth house and their moon in my sixth house. Idk I just really enjoy their presence and I want all the attention from them. I will get upset if I have to talk in a group with them because why should anybody else get the attention that I deserve. It’s such a childish thing so I try my best to avoid these situations but it just happens a lot.

Alright that’s it for now. Hope you guys enjoyed this random ass post