Wash Me

wash me 🧽🧼

i don't need therapy i need my head crushed by a large rock

DATING NIKTO HEAD CANONS

Andre Nikto..huh, are you sure?

Who would've thought, huh?..You know,.. before you two became a couple, most of his guys back at the base would kinda tell you stories back and forth.

Oh, Nikto this and Oh, Nikto that, he's a psychopath, sociopath, he doesn't care about no one but himself. Some were conern for you, did you wake up and decided you just wanna lose all your self respect? Do you need therapy even?

They're giving you a heads up, few warning signs to not go down that path of dating a man who has a interesting background (not the good one)

He doesn't care about his teammates why would he care about you? And the stories go on and on. You brushed it off..

Nikto doesn't care about his teammates because that's their job and that's what they're set to do. Why should he feel empathy for someone who's signed the papers to risk their life? Making friends leads to attachment, attachment leads to a close bond, a close bond would lead to a sick pain in the stomach when you get the news that your teammate didn't make it out alive. Who would want that? Not Nikto.

And how about that..., someone showing a monster kindness. He's never been treated gently by anyone in his life not even his family when he was only a little Мальчик. You didn't know, however. You still made sure to greet him every time and you ask him about how his day was, you ask him if he's hungry etc. If he ever comes back home with scars you treat them with love and care

(note: before you, most of the time he will come back home with a lot of scars and wouldn't bother treating them cause he doesn't feel them at all until he notices he's been bleeding a lot..)

He takes his shirt off for you and allows you to treat his scars against his own will cause you got sick of him ignoring it like it's some natural thing. He'd sit down on the edge of the bed with his back leaned forward as you search for any new damages to his skin. Your care is what really got him questioning why him?

Well, it's the least you could do for him to show that you won't hurt him and that he's loved.

When he took off his shirt for the first time Infront of you, he has a little belly fat on him, he has fat in some areas of his body but that just means by appearance and shape, he's healthy (he's very much in shape maybe not like a full-on body builder but he's got the strength and the spirit, so it didn't really bother him that much as long as he can still do his training with no complications.) ALSO he might have a cross tattoo somewhere, he also has medium body hair too, so really he just looks like a grizzly bear in your house. You'd just imagine him as a grizzly bear, not because he's Russian, god no, good thing he can't read your mind..

He doesn't do affection, his touch is not as gentle as yours. But if you make him do some heavy lifting, he's surely right for the job.., if you need help with fixing things, he's gonna fix it, if you need an oil change, hes also there so he makes sure you don't get scammed. Anything he's familiar with, he can do that for you 100%

However this doesn't mean he'll move away whenever you try to show him affection, no, he'll just let you do what you want and just..stand still, probably still as a statue..

You come up behind him as he's just sitting there, as soon you got close enough towards him, your arms give him a nice welcoming hug around the neck, he doesn't flinch or tries to move away. This doesn't mean he doesn't care, he just feels relaxed.

First night you're sleeping together (not like that) you're in a sweetheart's cradle cuddling position and you can hear his heartbeat.

His heartbeat is steady, it's nice. But what's really special about that night, for you at least, is that he took off his mask Infront you for the first time. He didn't care for the most part, Nikto carries a mask for identity purposes so that he stays anonymous. He's fully aware what his face looks like, but he will test you to see if you'd care.

Your reaction settles like this;

Like always you don't care what he looks like, his looks never mattered to you. With your usual airy voice that has the sound of what can only be described as a silky, smooth collusion of skyburst reds and yellows of the setting sun when it shines it's light to a dark forest, it aluminates the trees with it's light, a voice to which sounds like calm nature, you reassured your big teddy bear that what they did to him to make him look so abnormal doesn't change anything, you're not frightened by what's Infront of you but you showed more concern than disgust..

Your hands traveled towards his face to examine his face a little further, his jaw isn't straight and neither is his nose, his abnormalities that attracts the eye really makes you question what torture methods did they use on him.. As you're memorising his every feature and kissing every scar you feel two rough grips by your wrists slowly moving your hands away and with Nikto's usually straightforward tone says

"that's enough, let's get some rest.."

He's not used to this romantic cherishing feeling, so you brush it off as a natural response to care..giving that he's been independent all his life..

Nikto would test you, like anyone with trust issues..

Nikto isn't the kind to put his whole efforts on you unless you prove to him that no matter what, you'll stay. And I don't mean that as in he will go out and be with other women to make you jealous, no, god no.What I'm saying is that Nikto is naturally difficult to deal with because, well, you've been warned the first time..

In other words Nikto is in less control of what he's doing and not knowing where he stands..

It's that inner thought that tells him you're going to leave him after one small argument then he'll feel guilty when you're the one being reasonable which results to him going silent..

He gets jealous, he will ask you about any man that gets close to you and won't believe you when you say that he's just a friend and it doesn't mean anything, he will question where have you been, question who you were with, he will question your loyalty, he will go through your phone when you're not lookin, stalking you when you don't know it etc. Eventually, this all builds up and you constantly reassured him that you only love him and there is no way that you'd ever cheat on him..

He finds I pretty hard to believe but since those are your words, he'll put everything down and he'll trust you with your words..

Though, he's confident enough to know you won't cheat on him it's the fact that despite all that, men will still approach you and he knows what they're capable of..

Nikto is the type to wait until marriage. Though, sure, he was the type to do one night stands and leave with no feelings attached, he'd never thought that he'd end up in a relationship, so it means when it's someone who's bound to be his partner, he eventually waits until marriage..(Slavic man mindset)

Now, hear me out, Nikto might not be the best at showing affection but he does show it in ways you don't understand. Let's say you love oranges, he will come back home after work with three bags filled with oranges. Or you have a favourite drink, next time he's out getting groceries, he'll make sure to add your favourite drink in the cart..

Now about the part of him being difficult to deal with, Nikto doesn't express himself how'd you expect everyone to express their feelings,thoughts and emotions and everyone knows that, even his teammates. Some nights, when you're asleep he'd go out on the balcony and just sit there for hours

everything was quiet except for one thing and that is his thoughts..

His mind has been racing, aching, hurting, not one minute existed where he wasn't hearing muffled screams of anger, sadness and complaints that never seem to come to an end..but this time he couldn't wait till morning..

He grabs his own head seemingly like he wasn't his own person "calm down" he said

"No one is going to hurt you, not anymore, there is no one around you that is going to hurt you, they're in the past..you're safe now.."

And before any reply in hesitation of to speak

He repeats to himself

"No one's going to hurt you, "

Those nights when you wake up without him in the same bed, you already know what's happening with him yet you don't want to interfere not knowing which alter it is..it could be the one that's not so friendly.. especially with you, Nikto told you this before, or was it Nikto??..you can't recall..so you just go back to sleep..

Walking around with Nikto means either both of you look intimidating or you're the usually nice and social kind of person while Nikto is unapproachable.., it balances it.., no?

"maybe I'm not so mentally ill" be so fucking for real your comfort characters are literally the worst people on this planet..