Oh No Im Crying Oh My God :( This, As Sad As It Was, Was Honestly Quite Beautifully Written

Oh no im crying oh my god :( this, as sad as it was, was honestly quite beautifully written

Free

Jos Cleary-Lopez x fem! reader

Warnings: MDNI, mature themes— mentions to miscarriage, coarse language, angst, descriptions to self-harm, mentions to blood & bodily fluids, death

Part 2 for A part of me

Fourteen days since you’ve been home at Jos’, fourteen days since you’ve been at the hospital, fourteen days since you’ve left the house. Two whole weeks since that nightmare of a situation happened to you. Not much has changed since, other than the obvious. Margot and Rob looked at you with pity-filled eyes…you hated that. You didn’t need the pity. Though yes, what you were going through currently was extremely painfully since you were constantly bleeding and cramping— pity was the last thing you needed. It made you feel like a helpless little baby. You hated being treated that way. Jos knew you way better, so there was none of that with her. But there was no denying she was very…careful. In just about everything she did since then.

On the plus side, you were spared a long and torturous trial because they found evidence from him in the kit they had to do on you. But even with him out of the house, you were still where it happened, even though it was actually the safest place for you to be. You couldn’t go home, and it wasn’t like you were home a lot anyway…seeing that neither of your parents have even texted to ask where you were. But there was no way you could function the way you were now, at home. You could barely do anything on your own— that would prompt them to ask about what was going on and you did not want more people to know.

“Hi, baby.” Jos greets you with a smile as she walks into her room holding a bed tray. “Just in time.”

“You don’t have to do this, you know?” You asked flatly, pushing the blanket off of yourself. She only smiles at you again, gaze soft as she places that tray near the bottom of the bed while you went to wash up and stretch.

“No, it’s fine.” She leans against the wall, taking to you, “Got to spend some time with my mom to make bread so that was nice. She already left for work and Izzy’s off at school too— so, it’s just us.”

“Oh. Okay.” You answered, shutting the door so you could do your business. You sat there staring down at the juncture between your thighs, sick of what you were seeing and what you had to do. The bleeding has lessened gradually over the last two weeks, which was approximately the amount of time the hospital had told you it would take for it to come to an end.

This morning was the least gory it’s looked to you, but still, it’s been two weeks too long. You sigh, changing out the sanitary napkin before you washed your hands and exited the bathroom. Jos stretches out her arm, pulling you close gently and pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Sit down, have some food then we’ll go for a little walk?”

“Okay, that sounds pretty nice.” You reached for the mug of green tea first then dug into the egg muffins Jos and Margot had made.

“I’m gonna go grab some food for myself. Be right back.”

After breakfast, you left the house with Jos for the first time in four days. Like last time, it was a walk around the same park just right by her house. But, Margot and Rob were both pretty against either of you leaving the house for too long— because of Matt’s actions that have brought on a lot of attention from the media. You were definitely feeling the stress of it hearing phones ringing off the hook, the news channels on TV talking all about Matt getting arrested. It was only a matter of time before the reason got exposed. Along with your identity.

As you walked along the path in the quiet park, hand in hand with Jos, that was all you could think about. And it has easily caused your anxiety to skyrocket and you to freeze in your tracks. Jos similarly stops, looking at you, concerned. “I think we should go home.” You managed to tell her.

She doesn’t even question it and agreed, immediately walking back home with you. And there you were, sitting on the couch with another mug of tea. Jos sits right beside you but you scooted a little bit away from her. She notices but chose not to say anything. Her hand finds its way to your thigh and you so quickly got up and excused yourself to go use the restroom. Typically, she wouldn’t say anything but it was the fact that you seemed so startled by it even though she’s always does this— even back at the hospital, that had her worried.

————

The skin beneath your fingertips turn white as you gripped at it, your breath progressively gets ragged, heart slamming against your chest. Your whole body goes stiff while your mind starts racing about a bunch of what-ifs that could happen in relation to the whole situation with Matt. With each passing day, your fear only grew. You could already see those headlines or hear them— all in your head. It’s been all you could think about the past three days. You weren’t sure what started it, but the lack of anything to do lately has definitely caused this, in a way.

As the warm water repeated hit your back, you take in deep breaths inhaling the steam. The loofah gripped in your hand scrubs your skin raw. It stings after some time but you just couldn’t stop. Of course it stung, you’ve been doing the same thing for the past week. Events from that goddamn night started to flood your mind, you needed to get out. Gasping for air, you blindly reached forward and shut the water off, scurrying to grab your towel off the counter. A string of knocks pull you out of your bubble, you gasped aloud, thoroughly shocked. “Baby?”

It was Jos.

“Are you alright? You’ve been in there awhile, y/n.”

“Y-yeah, yeah. I’ll be right out, Jos.” You exhaled forcefully, drying yourself off and getting dressed as fast as your limbs allowed you to in the moment.

You exit the bathroom as if nothing has happened, but you were still anxious. So fucking anxious, and terrified. Walking past her, you headed upstairs to Jos’ room. But, as expected she stops you before you even made it halfway up the stairs.

“What?” You snapped, your voice shaky.

With her hand on your wrist, she was quick to spot the redness on your arms. She almost nearly let it go immediately out of shock. You yank your arm away from her grip, trying not to burst into tears.

“What—”

“You know what.” You spat, pushing past her as tears slipped down your cheeks.

‘I probably should’ve waited until she was sitting down and could properly talk to her.’ Jos thinks, catching up with you swiftly.

Right before she steps into her room, she stops herself, watching what you were doing. You were sat on the floor by her bed, backpack in front of you as you took a pouch out of it. Your actions were frazzled, breathing growing erratic. The contents got dumped on the hardwood floors, landing with a clatter. Papers, no— photos. Ultrasound photos and pieces of plastic which Jos had yet to make out as pregnancy tests. Seeing all of them sprawled out on the floor before your eyes, you lost it— you bawled. Jos was shocked, she didn’t know what to do now. Nothing was processing in her mind. It wasn’t until a scream snaps her out of her racing thoughts, her eyes watched you grab the items by the handful and crushed them.

Fuck.

She let you release all of those emotions before she stepped in. You needed that. “y/n.” She calls your name, walking closer to you.

“What—” You panted, hands letting go of the items as your body shook, overwhelmed. You were still in tears. “What— I— fuck!”

“You’re okay, baby.” She kneels down before you, holding your face in her hands

“No.” You kept babbling over and over, “No, no I feel so dirty.”

“Baby, you’re not…you—”

You cut her off, “It’s my fault. I tempted him. I gave him the chance to do whatever he did to me. I deserved it. I shouldn’t have gotten together with you. He’s right…I don’t deserve you.”

Jos held it together as best as she could, painfully swallowing the tears. Her heart sank, getting smashed into pieces hearing your words. “It’s not your fault.” She says, “It’s not your fault, y/n. He should’ve never laid his hands on you. Nothing could make what he did justifiable.”

“Now every time I try to go to sleep, all I can think about is what kind of headlines would come up overnight.” You wept, “I’m terrified to do anything. Go anywhere. I—”

Jos engulfs you in a tight hug, putting physical pressure on you to calm you down some. “We’ll get through this, okay? I love you, I care about you. That’s never going to change. He’s gone now, he can’t hurt you anymore.”

“Can’t he? What he did is still haunting me. I wake up screaming and crying and then you get dragged into it.”

“I love you.” She repeated herself, “No matter what. I couldn’t care less about him— he can go to hell right now, and he should.”

“I’m tired, Jos.” You said to her and inside, she was worried. This…reckless behaviour. She understood why because you’d obviously went through something that was as good as being put through hell. But you hurting yourself over it, after everything? She wished you didn’t do that. Oh how she wishes that you’d just release your emotions with her instead of taking them out on yourself.

“Let me be strong for you then. You don’t have to worry about that right now. Focus on healing your body, your mind…going to those appointments with your therapist. Anything that can help, not what happens in bad moments. If you want to cry, you go right ahead and cry. Scream? I’ll be here. If you want to hit something, please do. Not yourself, though, please. Tell me. I’ll be right here to help you. You’re not alone, baby. I’m right here with you.”

“What do I do with all these stuff? I don’t want them— but it also feels wrong to throw it all away. Is it even right to keep a photo of the scan? I— it’s like I don’t know anything anymore.” You rambled, eyes slowly going back onto the mess on the floor.

“Keep one if you feel like that’s what you need to do. Then toss the rest. Keep whichever one’s the one that your eyes look at first. Don’t overthink it.”

You heeded her advice, keeping one and very swiftly getting rid of the rest. Somehow, you were still in tears. But the urge of the self-destructive behaviour had completely died away in that moment. You felt calmer after all of that, and hearing what she had to say to you contributed to it. You appreciated it, and her. But sometimes, the memories got the best of you. This was not easy to forget, to process…having taken a huge toll on your mind and body alike.

————

That evening, hell broke loose again. News outlet dug through social media and started spreading photos of you, and plastered them all over their shows to speculate who you were. Granted the photos were publicly posted on Margot’s page, they were ones taken at events the family would be at. Your identity has never been revealed by anyone. People just assumed you were another daughter of theirs. They neither confirmed, nor deny it— to maintain your privacy.

The police revealed to you and the family that the attack was premeditated. There were deleted messages to his friends to confirm it. After that you zoned out, failing to properly hear and process the fact that your identity was exposed to the media by him. Along with the fact that you were dating Jos— the eldest daughter of such an influential couple.

“What the fuck?!” Rob screeched at the TV screen, startling you, “We told them not to say anything about her identity. Fucking rats.”

“We didn’t talk about any of the things they’re saying. At all.” Margot was speechless, “How—”

“Matt. He planned all of it.” Jos guesses, “The police recovered texts he sent to his friends about it.”

“We know that, but not the fact that—”

“Well, I guess it didn’t matter, did it? Whoever they were found out anyway. Now her business is all over the news. Every little detail.” Jos huffs, “I didn’t post anything about her. So whatever they found out, was probably through your page.”

You ran out of the living room and onto the deck. Jos was right on your tail. “My life is over.” You broke down, “Nobody wants someone like me at their company, at their school, anywhere. Because of that fucking— I mean what the fuck? My life is a joke right now, Jos. How did I even get here? We’ve been working so hard to keep things about us private then he just spills it all to the world? I’d be fine if it was just that but he— he took away everything, Jos. My life as I knew it was gone the second he touched me. I pushed him away, but fought back, pinning me down. I couldn’t move after that. I was terrified, Izzy was a few doors down. I didn’t dare to make any noise because I didn’t want to scare her. He knew that, he was smiling through all of it. He was happy. I can never spend a minute in silence without thinking about him, going out in public without thinking I’m being followed. Spend a minute in this house without being pitied by your parents. They mean well, they care but after awhile I just feel worse because I’m making them so worried and upset. He made me out to be a slut, that it was my fault that he raped me. That I am nothing but an object for his pleasure. I appreciate what you’ve been doing for me, what your parents have done for me. But we are never going to come back from this mess. It will always be stuck with us. With me. It’s on me, this mess. Your family’s reputation is ruined because of me. If I wasn’t here, he wouldn’t have done it.”

“I will never be normal again. I can go to as much therapy as I can but who recovers from something like that, Jos? It stays. And I don’t want that, Jos. I don’t want to drag you along with me.”

Her face falls, becoming an indistinguishable expression. But her eyes, they showed that she was heartbroken. Just like they’ve been showing the same for the last couple weeks. You couldn’t bear to see it anymore. She didn’t deserve a life like this because of you. No.

“I’m sorry, Jos.” You apologised, pressing a kiss to her cheek, “I have to let you go. I can’t do this to you, I love you. I don’t want you to be responsible for the consequences of your brother’s actions. Goodbye.”

Jos lets you leave without a fight, you hear her tearing up as you walked away from her. You fought the urge to look back and just walked ahead, towards the door. Her family didn’t stop you either— they heard it all. They must’ve.

That night, Jos was wide awake. She couldn’t allow herself to sleep. She was terrified she’d get a call from the hospital about you. Several hours later, she receives a voice memo from you. She immediately picks her phone off the nightstand to listen to it. “Jos, I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore. Please forgive me. I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Shit.” Jos was instantly drove into panic, rushing into Margot and Rob’s room without knocking. Words failed her, she couldn’t say anything. She plays the message for them, hands shaking.

And then, Rob and Margot’s phones got messages as well. One after another. “Honey?” Margot stumbles out of bed and steadied Jos before she crashed onto the floor. Rob plays the message he receives. Jos barely heard anything after hearing the message she got, all of it sounded muffled from that point on.

“Where the hell did she go?”

Margot says doesn’t know. Rob scrambles to grab Jos’ phone to check your location, knowing she has it. But your phone was no longer on. All three of them, helpless. But Jos knew there was no stopping you. You’ve had enough. You wanted the pain to end. Margot held Jos in a hug while she wailed, Rob was calling everyone he knew at hospitals to ask for you. No idea what Izzy was doing, but hopefully, she was asleep by this time of the night.

They finally located you about an hour later, and they all rushed to the hospital. “Jos, you— you go inside first.” Margot gives her shoulders a squeeze, “She’s your— oh, God. Rob, I—” Margit buries her head in Rob’s chest, sobbing. He held her head, another arm wrapped around her. Jos steps closer to the door, pushing it open. It creaks.

Jos hadn’t stopped crying, walking into the sterile hospital room and sitting down in the plastic chair next to your pale, lifeless body. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I promised I would always protect you but I couldn’t do it. I love you so very much, baby. Please don’t ever forget that. I know you were in a lot of pain, I know you were hurting, baby. But now, all of that’s gone. All of that. I get it. You’re free now. You never would’ve left if you didn’t need to. You didn’t need to say sorry. But God, I don’t know how to tell Izzy. But— Please just know and remember that I love you, I always will. Rest easy, sweet girl. I’ll see you again. Okay? Can you promise me that?” Holding onto your freezing cold hand, she presses a kiss to the back of it and placed it back down gently after giving it a squeeze, “See you later, hm? I’ll miss you.”

Jos didn’t look back, she couldn’t bear to see you in that state again. Falling limp in the safety of her parents’ embrace, she continues crying. Even when her parents have stopped. “She loves you so much, sweetheart. I just— I wish I could turn back the clock.”

“I know, Mom. But she—” Jos hiccups, Margot rubs her back, “At least she’s not suffering anymore. She deserves that at least.”

Rob walks in next, “It pains me that you had to resort to this, mija. I’m very sorry we couldn’t do more for you. I just want you know how proud we have all been of you, you’re such a smart girl. Such a bright future ahead of you. I hate myself for not seeing any signs of what could’ve led to that night. But Jos, she’s right. At least you’re free to do whatever you want now, you’re not in pain anymore. You deserve that after all you’ve been fighting through. It just got too much and I…I get that. Don’t worry about us, okay? We’ll see you again in some years. Probably me first, though. Because I’m old.” He chuckles, sitting down on the same plastic chair, “Rest easy, we love you. Would you just promise to give us a sign that you’re okay whenever you’re ready? I— mija, I, goddamn, I don’t even what to say anymore. You’ve been such a joy and blessing to our family. I just know we’ll miss you so much. Okay, I’ll let you and Margot talk now, alright? See you around, mija.”

Rob and Margot switched places, allowing her to talk to you finally. “I remember when Jos first brought you home to meet us. I just knew you would be the one. I’ve never seen her so happy…the way she looked at you was the cutest thing ever. So it kills me that life has taken such a turn and forced you to do this. We say we’re hurting now, and we are. But nothing compares to what you had to endure. You— my goodness, sweetie. I’m so sorry you had to go through finding out and the miscarriage alone. I can’t even imagine how scared you must’ve felt. But you pushed through and that’s so badass, honey. Thank you for making my girls so happy, thank you for treating us like your own family. All the memories — the laughter, the late night chats, baking together, cooking together, playing games, singing in the car. Everything— you have been such a blessing and I hope you know that. Please don’t forget that. Please don’t blame yourself anymore because none of this is your fault. We don’t blame you for any of it. You just…rest now and just do whatever you wanna do, because baby girl, you…you’re free. No one’s going to hurt you anymore.”

Margot leaves the room, trying not to cry again. Jos walks back inside for one last goodbye. “I just want to sit with you for a minute.” She sniffles, watching you through her blurred vision. Jos profusely blinked her tears away to get a good look at you, wanting to take it all in.

Leaning forward, she continues, “I wish you didn’t leave my house the way you did tonight. I wish I could’ve held you one last time, gave you a proper kiss. Tell you it was okay. But no, you left upset. And I— I can’t let that go, baby. I’m so sorry I didn’t just hug you and didn’t let you go just yet. Because god, I need that so bad right now, my love. And I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I let you leave without saying I love you back. I need you, baby. Please come and visit me, okay? Please?”

Taking in a shaky breath that she lets out slowly, she got closer and stroked your cheek, biting the inside of her own as tears poured from her eyes, obstructing her vision. “I love you, too.”

🏷️ Tag list

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

Got called an orange cat and a furry but like meowing is a vocal stim and biting is fun

And so what? Maybe I am a cat? Is that a problem?

arlo, should we make a tag for us?

im thinking cheesywhoreee

or maybe even

whoreeelo

Omg I like cheesywhoreee that’s cute

I need a really detailed request (I’m working on the head cannons I was asked for and the fic that was requested a little while back but I need more)

🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Never Let You Go

Jos Cleary-Lopez x fem! reader

Warnings: angst, coarse language

Read part one & part two first!

“How am I supposed to move on? When you're never really too far gone. The memories won't go away. I feel pain every time I hear your name.”

— see you later (ten years), Jenna Raine

Jos was the first to head into your bedroom at your parents’ home to collect your belongings after the ugliness of their anger had died down. “Take whatever you want.” Your Mom said, “We don’t know what to do with all of this anyway. We kept a few things, but it’s…a lot.”

Jos quietly nodded, clutching a corner of a cardboard box in her hand as she walks into your bedroom. It was familiar to her, but also not so much at the same time. She’s seen it and been in this room, but not often enough to remember it too well. This shows how much time you spend at hers instead. She started off by opening up the doors to your wardrobe, since that was the first thing she was met with upon walking in. She flips through each piece, holding the fabric between her fingers. Jos takes a few off the rack, together with the hangers.

Her minds drifts a little as she feels the fabric beneath her fingertips. Sitting down on your bed, she looks through what she’d picked out, very carefully removing the hangers from them before folding each piece and placing them into the box. She reaches the last piece of clothing, a sweater. Her own, but one you loved so much she let you keep. Jos puts it on, inhaling the scent. Your perfume. You always used it and even after several washes, the fragrance lingers on the fabric. She shifts her gaze onto your bed, it lands on the few stuffed animals you had. One of which was given to you by her. It was cheap plush bunny that she won for you at the carnival— on one of your very first dates with her. She took that one, it quickly gets put into the box. Your desk was her next stop, walking over to it, her eyes paid close attention to every little trinket, photo and sticker along the way…on the vanity, on the walls.

She studies everything on your desk, checking the drawers. Jos spots an envelope with her name on it and took it out, bracing herself for what she was about to read. But no amount of preparation was enough for what she was going to see.

“Jos,

I don’t know what else I should say to you other than ‘I’m sorry’, in fact it doesn’t even cut it. But I did my best, I can’t take any more of a life like this one. I let you down, I’m weak. I give up. I need this to stop. Nothing else can make it stop.

The best thing that’s ever happened in my life was meeting you, Jos. And getting to love you. I am so grateful for you, baby. I love you and I’ll miss you so terribly. Thank you for all the love and laughter you’ve brought to my life even on the hardest days. You have every right to hate me, but just know I love you and I’ll never forget you for loving all of me. You are my whole world, Jos.

This isn’t goodbye, Jos, but a see you later.”

She puts the letter down, tears streaming down her face that she so desperately tried to wipe away. She looks out your window and up at the sky, thinking, “I hope you’re doing alright up there, baby. Nothing will ever make me hate you. Ever. You hear me?”

She calms herself down and continues look through your things. Backtracking to your vanity, she picks up your favourite bracelet and matching necklace, keeping them safely in the box. Jos then got the urge to take your favourite sheets, pulling them out from exactly where she knew they were. A photo album was the last thing she places into the box, until a pretty thick book beside it catches her eye— it was a scrapbook filled with countless photos of you and her since the very first date.

Curious, she flips through it. “Each photo in here shows each moment I found myself falling in love with you, more and more every time.” She smiles she mutters that to herself. A few of them were the silliest photos she’s ever seen of herself, but she was glad they were captured. By you, someone who loved her the way she was, see her the way you did.

Closing your bedroom door, she carries the box to her car, settling it in the trunk. Bidding your parents goodbye, she was on her way. One way or another, she stops at an animal shelter along the way home, wanting to spend some time with some cute animals and get some cuddles. A quiet little puppy, laying far away from the rest catches her eye. “This one is tiny. Hi, sleepyhead. Hi, cutie.”

“A family was given this puppy by their neighbor because their dog had quite a few. But the kid was so allergic they had to give her up.” The staff explains.

“What- what’s her name?”

“Kid named her Bubby. We kept it.” The staff shrugs.

“Bubby?”

“Yeah.” She chuckles, “It’s a little silly, but if you want her, you get to pick her name of course.”

Jos couldn’t believe her ears. Was this the sign she was looking so hard for? Bubby was what she’d call you sometimes when you were being all pouty and sad, just to make you laugh after she found out that you thought it was the funniest nickname ever.

Jos immediately agreed to adopt that little furball and went home with her and most of everything needed to care for her.

Margot stops Jos once she stepped inside. “You got a dog? She didn’t have a dog.”

“A dog?!” Izzy came running. “Oh my God— it’s so cute! What’s its name?!”

“Her name, is Bubby.” Jos smiles a little, handing the squirmy puppy over to Izzy.

“I was just at her house to get some things. But for some reason I decided to stop at animal shelter— thought it’d be nice to be around some cute animals, you know. Then the lady who worked there said her name was Bubby.” Jos gestured towards the dog, “I asked y/n for a sign, whatever it was. It never really came. But this…this puppy. Seems like what I needed. I used to call her Bubby to make her laugh because she would, she found it to be such a hilarious nickname that I would call her that so she wouldn’t cry anymore. So yes, I got a dog. And I don’t know why, but I need her.”

“Well, she is very cute.” Margot remarked, “Okay, well, you’re old enough to make your own decisions. I was just a little shocked, I guess. Didn’t really expect you to come home with a new pet. How’d things go at her place?”

“Uh, I found something.” Jos puts the box down, rummaging through it and locating the letter. “There’s one addressed to you and Dad, too.”

“Okay.” Margot nodded, speaking as calmly as she could, taking Jos’ letters and her own. “I’ll be in the study. You girls…play with Bubby.”

“Matty sent a letter. I threw it out.”

“Good.” Jos sighs softly, “Um, she left something.” Jos turned back around to reach for the box, hand leaving the canine’s fur. “The bracelet you liked that she didn’t want to give you at first.”

Izzy gasps, “Wow. Do you want it? You can have it instead, Jos. It’s probably more important to you.”

“Huh?” Jos licked her lips, “Oh. No, no. I have my own stuff. You take that one, alright? She wanted you to have it.”

“Okay.” Izzy agrees, letting Jos help her put it on. “Is it bad I hate Matty for what happened?”

“No.” Jos answers immediately. “Hate him all you want, I hate him too. Honestly I don’t think I’ll ever stop hating his guts.”

“I’m sorry he hurt her so badly.” Izzy says.

She didn’t know what happened exactly. No one told her. It just didn’t feel right for her to know it— she’s a child. It would just be too much.

“I know you are.” Jos cups her cheek, “But she’s okay now, she doesn’t have to worry about anything anymore.”

“I know, but it’s not fair. Why did he have to do such a bad thing?” Izzy asks, cuddling with their new pet, “y/n was crying all the time and it was all his fault. He said he was sorry in the letter, but I know he isn’t. He’s always lying.”

“I don’t know, Iz. Some people are just…bad people. Life’s tough, some people make it harder. It’s not fair.”

“I know you’re sad, I’m sorry.” Izzy apologizes, “You don’t have to force yourself not to cry, you know?”

Jos chuckles, a tear falls, “I know, I just…she wouldn’t want us to see us sad all the time.”

“Oh, that’s true.”

————

“I know, I talk to you every night. Can’t help it, I miss you.” Jos chuckles to herself as she sat down on the grass. “We graduated high school, y/n. I have your diploma, your parents didn’t want it. But, anyway, I told the kids at school of for you. It had to be done— they were speaking ill of you and I wasn’t going to let that keep happening. You deserve your peace.”

Jos stares at the headstone, then continues, “How does one get over this? I mean, as okay as my therapist thinks I’m doing, as okay as I feel…I just know I’ll always miss you. Honestly thank you for Bubby, Izzy loves that dog, we all love that fluffball. You know some nights I uh, dream about the future we were supposed to have? How we would’ve moved out of this town after college, work our asses off to save up to move to New York City— but it’s okay because we’ve got each other. Then we’d get a small cozy apartment and a puppy then just grow old in the city that never sleeps. But all of that now, it’ll never happen. I can only hope you’re fulfilling even your wildest of dreams, y/n.”

Jos had a good cry and dusted herself off, getting up, “I’ll see you later, baby. Happy birthday and happy graduation.”

Three months went by, then six, then nine. Eventually, a whole year goes by. Not a day passes where they didn’t think of you. But the pain faded gradually. Some days more than others, though. Izzy wears the bracelet all the time, Jos keeps a photo of you and her in her wallet and hugs your favourite plush bunny to sleep, Margot makes your favourite dish for the family every now and then, Rob? He gets your favourite flavour of ice cream when he takes the family out for dessert because he was thinking of you. They don’t realise it because they’ve become so accustomed to it, but you were always apart of them.

That fall, Izzy enters high school, Jos leaves the state for college in New York. Rob, Margot and Izzy send her off, then she was on her own. With a slightly heavy heart that day, but she made the most of it. She settled in at her new home for the next few years, getting to know her roommates that shared the apartment with her. Her heart stings a little when they first asked about you, but she was filled with so much pride and joy talking about you…all that you’d accomplished in your life.

“She’s definitely watching out for you wherever she is, Jos.”

“I know, Grace. I— I can feel that.” Jos admits. “But part of me has become such a bitter person because of what happened.”

“You’re better than me, I would’ve punched the fuck out of him.”

“Oh, I dream of it, frying his fucking balls off.” Jos rolled her eyes, “To make him feel even just an ounce of the pain she felt.”

During her free time, Jos did whatever she wanted. Trying all the good food, seeing all the attractions. Just about anything you both made a pact to experience in the city. She did it for you, but also for her. She was happy here, as she should be. Her roommates were really nice, she’s also made a couple of close friends at school. Jos was loving every second of her time here, free and happy for the most part. She went home a little more often than just for holidays, so that she could visit you. She’d always make it a point to stop by and say hello even when things got busy at home. Another place Jos would always spend time at was the diner she was at with you pretty often, they asked about you awhile ago, assuming you and Jos broke up. But when they found out you’d passed away, they were shocked. “Hi, honey. Do you want your usual?”

“Yeah, please.”

“Coming right up.”

Jos sat in a booth, leaning back and people-watching. A little while later, the same waitress returns with a reuben sandwich and a mango milkshake. She joins Jos, sitting down opposite her.

“How’d you know that this was the booth?”

“Huh?”

“Look at the corner of the table by your hand.” The waitress says, “The last time she came by here, she wrote that down.”

“Oh.” Jos gasped quietly, “I didn’t know. I just say down here because it was in a corner.”

“She’ll always be around, honey.” The waitress smiles, “Smile, it looks good on you.”

Jos chuckles tearfully, grabbing the glass cup that contained the milkshake and taking a sip. Her eyes land on your handwriting on the table again: ‘Smile, it looks good on you’.

“You never fail to impress me. And bring a good moment into my days even right now.” She mutters to herself, well, to you, “It feels like you’re so far away but at the same time, not really. It just feels strange you’re not here with me anymore, but yet, you are. I can feel it, all the time. So thank you for that. After all, it’s just ‘see you later’, right? I’m afraid I won’t be able to love someone else as much as I love you, y/n. So, I’m not gonna rush myself to do that. If it ever feels right, it happens. If it doesn’t, I won’t let it happen. Life’s as good as it gets right now, honey. I’ve got good friends, good grades, I’m having a good time on my off-days to do what I want. Sometimes I still wish for you to be here with me— physically, because the days can get pretty tough and I just want my girl with me. But knowing you are indeed with me in whatever way possible, it helps. And I cannot wait to see you again one day, kiss you and hold you in my arms and never let you go. Because I won’t, I won’t let you go ever again.”

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

💭 A/N:

I just had to finish off this little story today, lol. But here’s part 3 of 3.

SO SILLY SO CUTE 🥰

Regina Janis

Silly

Some biting

Silly, sleepy, little goose.

Summary: Rejanis cuddles. Warning: fluff, some swearing. Pairings: Regina + Janis

Janis was watching a movie with hooded eyes, starting at the screen trying not to fall asleep. She hadn’t slept much the last few days and was hanging on by a string, buts he wanted to finish this movie with her girl.

Curled up at Regina’s side while she played with Janis’s hair mindlessly.

She let out a yawn, rubbed her head on the blondes shoulder in a nuzzling movement.

“You’re so cute when you’re tired.” Regina said teasingly. Janis never liked being called cute, found it embarrassing. She wasn’t cute she was dangerous,

“Ah, shut up.” She muttered, looking back at the screen with tired eyes.

“So cute.” She went to tap Janis nose but she snapped her teeth and she pulled it away.

“Don’t try and bite me, weirdo!” Regina laughed, going to tap her nose again. Janis did the same exact thing, smirking.

“You’re annoying.” Regina scoffed, pulling down the beanie Janis had on over her eyes, Janis pushed it back up.

“Thanks, I strive to be.” She batted her eyes at her and laid her head back on her shoulder, Regina wrapped her arm around her tight.

Janis pretended to be interest in whatever the fuck they were watching, her foggy mind hadn’t really been following the plot line.

They were quiet for a moment longer till Regina pulled out her phone and shifted, removing her arm form around Janis.

“No,” Janis whined, pushing it away, “put it away, I was comfy.” “One seconded, geez!” Regina rolled her eyes, and continued typing. Janis pouted.

Regina side-eyed her, “Go to sleep, I know you’re tired.” She looked back at her screen, tapping away.

“Blah blah blah!” Janis mocked and turned the other way, scooting away from her, pretending to be upset and grabbing her own phone.

“Dramatic ass,” Regina laughed and set down her phone, throwing the couch pillow at the other girl. Janis gasped, setting her own phone down and throwing it right back.

“Go back on your phone, in fact, you should marry it! Cutest couple around, a blondie and her phone.” Janis said, holding back a laugh at the blondes expression.

“Oh, stop,” she pulled Janis back to her, wrapping both arm around the smaller girl. Janis allowed it, relaxing in her touch.

“I can love you both.” The blonde added. The brunette gasped once again, pushing Regina off her and rolling off the couch.

Regina burst out laughing at the girls reaction.

“You actually cheated on me? With a phone? I’m repulsed!” Janis joked from the floor, pointing an accusing finger at her.

“Get up, I’ll stop,” Regina drawled after she stopped laughing.

Janis did just that, curling up with Regina comfortably, “No more phone.” She added once more, flipping off the inanimate objects.

“You’re dumb.” Regina said affectionately. “You’re dumber.” Janis muttered sleepily, closing her eyes and feeling the tension in her head leave as she did so.

“Power couple.” Regina joked as the brunette rested her eyes, making them both giggle. Scratching her head soothingly.

Janis peeked open one eyes, peering up at her briefly, sticking out her tongue, “Silly, sleepy, little goose.” Regina muttered warmly, rolling her eyes.

She closed her eyes again, “Absolutely.” Was the last thing Janis mumbled before she drifted to sleep.

Lil Drabble because I got bored. Enjoy this shitty little thing.