GUYS GO READ THIS GO READ IT RIGHT NOW IF YOU DONT READ IT ILL FIND YOU >:D

GUYS GO READ THIS GO READ IT RIGHT NOW IF YOU DONT READ IT ILL FIND YOU >:D

My Biggest Mistake

Jos Cleary-Lopez x fem! reader

Warnings: angst, drinking/alcohol, descriptions and mentions of kissing while tipsy, coarse language, self-harm descriptions, sickness

In which a heated make-out session was denied by Jos after the fact.

“You said you loved me last night.”

“Drunk words don’t mean shit.”

“Are you serious?” You scoffed.

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“That’s not— fuck it, Jos. I’m so tired. Whatever. If you say it didn’t mean anything, then it didn’t. So did every other time you told me that, right?”

You ran away from her, without a destination in mind. You heard Jos call for you then it was just silence. The only sound keeping you company was your crying.

Eventually, you stopped before a diner. One you and Jos frequented, hesitating for a moment, you somehow stepped inside still teary eyed and found a seat at the bar. “Oh, honey…” A longtime staff member noticed you,“What’s the matter?”

“I don’t know. I fucked things up with Jos.” You revealed through sniffles.

“I’m sure—”

“Last night she got a little tipsy. And kissed me for the first time and said she loved me. To my face.” You continued, “I brought it up earlier, and she just said ‘drunk words don’t mean shit.’ She could’ve just told me she wasn’t ready to say it yet and I would’ve been okay with it— but that— shit hurt.”

“You two have been together for—”

“Yeah, I’m not so sure about that, Erin.” You sigh, accepting the cookies and cream milkshake. “Thanks.”

“No problem, honey.” She smiled.

As you sipped on the beverage, your mind drifts.

“The problem lies within the fact that I want more. That’s what scares me the most, because I don’t want to want more. But I can’t help it. I’m not supposed to want more. I’m not supposed to have anyone love me. That’s just crazy.”

“Crazy? What’s crazy is this, y/n. Some guy at school just called you a freak and punched your face for no reason and you just walk away? Why do you put up with this?”

“I don’t know, Jos. My brain is like— it’s broken, okay? After years and years of pushing aside my own feelings. I just don’t have them anymore. I don’t care anymore. They can just do whatever they want with me.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s okay for people to assault you. It’s a fucking crime, baby.”

~

“Hey, how you feelin’?”

“I’m okay. It’s just a cold.” Jos smiled sleepily, her eyes barely open as she turned to be on her side so she could look at you.

You pulled her desk chair up to the side of her bed and sat down. You brush the hair out of her eyes and stroked her cheek, “I’ve missed you.”

A smile tugs at her lips. Very tiny, but you could see it.

~

“Oh, my God. y/n, why didn’t you call me? Or text me?”

“For what? I’m just on my period.”

“So I can come over and take care of you?”

“Sorry. I’m just— not used to that.”

With a soft sigh, she presses a kiss to your lips, “Let me take care of you, okay? What do you want me to do? Craving anything?”

“Nope. I’m actually about to go and puke my guts out in a minute or so.”

“Okay, then I’ll hold your hair and rub your back.”

~

“Jos, please— stop.”

She scoffs, arm falling to her sides as she looked up you from the floor.

“You’re gonna kill yourself one day and I don’t want to be here to see that. I want you to get better, for yourself. Not for me.”

The burns and some blisters on her forearms started to form. You cringed internally.

“I’ve been trying.” She admitted. “I started seeing a therapist…but still…”

“Keep going. Be consistent. I’ll be right by your side.”

~

“y/n, please talk to me.”

“I don’t know how to say it. Any of it.” You avoided eye contact, “You hate me.”

“I do not. y/n, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.”

————

“Jos.” Erin says.

Jos? Oh, hell.

“Talk it out.” Erin nudged. She was right behind it- you could feel her. There was no running away now. Absolutely no chance.

“I have to talk to you, y/n. I can’t just let all of that go. I can’t let you go.”

Tears pricked at your eyes again and the painful lump in your throat returns. You pushed the milkshake away from you, turning around in the stool to come face to face with her. With Jos, whose eyes were red and puffy. Dried tears stained her cheeks as her hair was disheveled, flyaways all over her face.

“I shouldn’t have said that to you. I shouldn’t have said that because I didn’t mean what I said. My brain tells me to push you away but I just can’t do it— it’s so wrong to do that to you because I know in my heart that I love you. No matter what my fucked up brain tells me to think at times. I love you. Please know that. Please know that I love you so much, y/n.” Jos takes a deep breath halfway through, shakily, “Sometimes I just…I don’t know why but I have a bad day and I start assuming people don’t really care about me so I go, ‘okay, then- you’re on your own, get through this shitty day on your own. No one else can help you.’ When I calm down, I know that’s not true because I have you. But I just need to keep working on that, y/n…getting my mind to unlearn that terrible habit, coping method. Ever since The Power came into play, I lost my friends…I even lost my own family even though we live under the same roof. No one gets what I’m dealing with like you do even though they see me everyday- day in, and day out. I didn’t want you to be the only one carrying the weight of my problems….I have to learn that in life, it’s okay to share. Especially with someone I call my partner. Because I know that I would not hesitate to hear you out, to be there and listen to what you have to say so you can get what you need to get, off your mind. I would never want you to go through your struggles alone.”

As she spoke to you, you took the time to take deep breaths and calm down, wiping your tears away as you prepared yourself to respond, “Jos, I feel the same way about you. I really care about you and love you. I don’t want you to be scared to share with me. You can always be honest with me and we will work through everything together. I have my own issues, and I’m also trying my best to get better. I need you to remember that no matter how bad a day seems. It was wrong for me to snap at you- that’s something I have to change about myself. But remember this conversation when times get tough…when we both can’t seem to get out of our own heads. Remember this.”

“My biggest mistake time and time again was that I hurt your feelings and I am so terribly sorry for that.” Jos cups your cheeks, wiping your tears away, “I’m sorry, do you forgive me?”

Swallowing harshly, you gave her a nod. She pulls you in for a kiss, you hopped off the stool to deepen the connection. Her hand finds its way around your waist and your back, yours does the same right before a mutual breakaway. Jos held you, looking right into your eyes before she uttered, “I love you. I mean it— every single time.”

You nodded, “I know. I love you, too, Jos.”

“Erin, can we get a waffle with a scoop of chocolate ice cream and some whipped cream, please?” Jos sniffed, sitting down in the stool beside yours.

“Certainly, dear. Coming right up.”

Jos dug through her pockets to locate her wallet and took out the amount of money needed for the bill while you continued to sip on your milkshake, trying not to cry again. Jos hands you a packet of tissues silently, knowing that you needed this peacefulness. She rubs your back intermittently while she waited on the waffle and kept an eye on you. Well, not exactly. She just liked looking at you while you did absolutely nothing sometimes. Next thing you knew, was that you felt her hand on the side of your head— her fingers combing through your slightly tangled hair and tucked some behind your ear.

————

The waffle was what you and Jos had on your first date right here in this very place. Eight months ago. Both of you have come a long way, and it definitely hasn’t been easy. It’s been tough as shit some days and made you feel like pulling teeth— yours and hers alike. Today was one of those days, but it ended up well.

The waffle was your go-to order every time you two stopped by this establishment. And Erin, she’s become a great friend over time.

“You girls want some tea or coffee?” Erin asks.

“I’ll have a coffee. She’ll have tea.” Jos answers with a swift nod of her head.

“Alrighty.”

A minute later, Erin returns with a cup of coffee and tea. “How much—”

“On the house.”

“No—”

“y/n, don’t fight me on this. You’re not gonna win, my dear.”

Jos cracked a smile, then chuckled. “Okay, Erin. Fine.” You giggled, “Thank you.”

When you and Jos left the diner, it was nightfall. The sun had almost completely set already, the gusts of chilly wind blew through your hair, which felt very nice. Jos leaned her head on your shoulder for a second to take in the moment before leading you to her car about a block away.

“My place or yours?”

“Yours, it’s closer from here than mine.”

“Okay.” With that, she started driving. Pop music on the radio played softly through the speakers meanwhile.

The two of you didn’t speak for the whole ride, but it was a comfortable silence. Once home, Jos leads you up to her room after greeting her family. You two got changed then joined her family for dinner— it was pleasant. They always loved having you around. Afterwards, you quietly retreated to Jos’ room because of the growing ache in your head. When you entered her room, she was already laying a stack of clothes each for you and herself. “Come on, let’s go take a nice shower. I know your head must be killing you right now. I know mine is.”

Stripping off your clothes, you tossed it in the hamper and Jos does the same then walked into the shower together with you.

“Is the water okay? Is it too warm for you?” She asks you softly.

“Yeah. It’s okay.” You said, tilting your head side to side in order to stretch out the muscles as the warm water hits your skin. Jos hums in response, shampooing your hair for you once it was wet enough and also helped you to wash your body.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t have to thank me, baby.” You could almost hear her smiling as she spoke to you. Her hand massages your scalp for a little bit longer as your head remained under the warm water. You felt a little bad you couldn’t exactly help her do the same, because she was quite a bit taller than you, but she says it was okay. “Just give me some cuddles and we’re even.” She laughs softly, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead.

After drying yourselves off, you two promptly got changed and climbed into bed to watch movies on Jos’ laptop. Jos laid her head in your lap, focusing on the movie but also feeding you a Swedish Fish every now and then.

“I do not feel like going to school tomorrow.” Jos revealed.

“It’s Friday, though.” You mentioned, eyes flicking down to look at her. Your fingers were still combed through her hair, massaging her head.

“Damn, right. Those dumplings are really good.” Jos grins, “Yeah, let’s just go.”

“Then maybe we can go to the park for a walk after school. Get something to eat after.” You suggested.

“Sounds good.” Jos agrees.

“You tired?”

“A little. But I think we can just finish this movie and go to sleep.” Jos bit back a yawn.

“Alright.” You bent down to kiss her on the side of her forehead, “Let’s do that.”

————

🏷️ Tag list:

@ludoesartnstuffs @reneeswif3 @auliisflower

(Please let me know if you want to be added or removed!)

Thank you for your kind words and this very silly cat

saw your donut post and i hope you get a break from being accident prone tomorrow 😭

I’ve been accident prone my whole life there’s no hope for me lmao

More than friends?

You are Aarons younger sister, You’re a Junior (same grade as Janis and everyone, except Aaron) you have a crush on your long time best friend, Janis. You’re somewhat out but only to a few people (out to Ms. Norbary, Janis, Damian, and your brother) You don’t know about Cady and Janis’ scheme to take down Regina. Also you and Janis have kissed before but you two say you’re just friends, both worried the other doesn’t feel the same (you’re both a little dumb and very gay)

After the fight of Janis and Cady at Cady’s house, (Y/N) is at Janis’s house waiting outside for the girl to arrive, shortly after (Y/N)’s arrival Janis arrives with Damian “(Y/N) what are you doing here?” She says surprised but very happy to see you “well I was at your art show and wasn’t able to get these to you” you hand her a bundle of paper flowers you made “and my brother told me you and Cady had a fight so I decided being here now might be better than waiting till school tomorrow” you say with a small smile and a shrug “aw cute also bye I’ll see y’all tomorrow” Damian says as he leaves “bye” you and Janis say at the same time, waving goodbye to him “that’s really sweet of you I really appreciate, um do you want to come in?” janis says looking at you hoping you say yes “if it’s not a bother to you I’d love to spend some time with you” you say with a smile “yeah, please come in” Janis says letting you in and you both head to Janis’ room, It’s covered in art, like all of it “woah your room is really cool” you say looking around taking it all in “oh uh thank you” Janis says with a big smile, blushing a lot “wait, is Janis ‘Imi’ike blushing?” You say in a teasing tone “whaaa nooo it’s…paint?” Janis says trying and failing to think of a good lie “hmm not convincing” you say with a smirk, realizing you’re really close to each other. You two are quite for a bit, it’s a comfortable silence, Janis stares into your eyes “woah, your eyes are like the night sky, so mysterious” she says causing you to blush “are you trying to flirt with me and get me to kiss you? Because it’s definitely working” you say wrapping your arms around her “mmm maybe? do i have consent to kiss you?” Janis says with a small smirk and her eyebrow slightly raised “oh absolutely” you both lean in, It’s a gentle kiss and it last a while until you both in need of air “woah that was” *deep breath* “amazing, you’re a really good kisser” you say with your nose touching hers “thank you, you are really good too” janis says blushing more before pulling you in for another kiss. You both pull away “can we watch a movie and cuddle or if that makes you uncomfortable we can-“ Janis started to ramble until you cut her off with a quick gentle kiss “you cute when you ramble” you say pulling her over to the bed the on top of you causing Janis to blush a lot “you’re warm” she says looking up at you “is that a good thing?” You ask slightly confused Janis nods snuggling closer to you “so um… do you wanna tell me exactly what happened with you and Cady?” You ask slightly hesitant “well, she was supposed to come to my art show but she said she had a family trip. I checked insta after my show and saw a bunch of people posting at cady’s house. I was pissed so I went over to her house to check it out, I ended up yelling at her and she said ‘it’s not my fault that you’re obsessed with me’ and-“ Janis says getting upset, you gasp genuinely surprised because you thought Cady was a nice girl “no way? she said that?” You say also getting upset “yeah…” janis says not looking at you, you pull Janis really close to you and start playing with her hair something you’ve recently learned she likes “um can we actually stop talking about this…please” Janis says looking up at you “yeah of course…um you said something about wanting to watch a movie?” You say trying to remember your conversation from earlier “oh yeah, hmm can we watch…actually I don’t know what I want to watch” Janis says with slightly confused frown “we could do something else?” You say trying to hint at something “like what?” Janis says with a confused head tilt “like this” you say as you lean in and kiss Janis, she pulls away

“woah, don’t get me wrong I really like you, like more than a friend but don’t you think this is a little fast?” Janis asks concerned “oh um, maybe? I don’t know…if you want to take things slow that’s totally ok I hope I didn’t just ruin our night completely…I’m sorry…” you’re worried you went to far and looks down at your hands, you mind is scrambled and your thoughts are racing. Your thoughts are interrupted by Janis gently grabbing your chin to make you look at her then pulling you in for a quick gentle kiss “you don’t need to be sorry, I think it’s cute that you want to make out with me already but can we just talk about what we are first because I don’t want to assume how you feel about me, we’re friends first above everything, your friendship means more to me than anything…but don’t tell Damian that he’ll be mad that I like you more” she jokes slightly at the end hoping to make the topic change smoother “our friendship means the world to me but I really want to be more than that and I’ve know about this feeling since like freshman year, which is kind of crazy to think about especially with everything that happened before that…” you say recalling the chaos of middle school, the spin the bottle incident, the bunsen burner incident, Janis being kicked out of school for a semester, you staying friends with Janis and Regina through it all was confusing and hard but Regina couldn’t get rid of you because of your brother and there was no way you were letting go of Janis she was your everything. “Honestly I think I’ve liked you longer than that but I finally came to terms with it freshman year” you say blushing a little trying not to make eye contact “aww you’re being so cute” Janis says with a laugh poking at your arm “…I think I’ve always liked you but I never told you because at first I was scared to tell people I’m gay, then the whole thing with Regina, and honestly… I just never thought you’d like me like that…” Janis says a little embarrassed “well I definitely do like you like that” you say making eye contact with her “get over here cutie” you say opening up your arms to cuddle with Janis, she immediately wraps her arms around you “so…are we girlfriends now?” Janis asks hesitantly “um yeah…but I don’t know if I’m ready to tell people since well my parents still don’t know about me being…” you voice trails off at the end “oh…well we don’t have to tell people, we can be girlfriends and just tell Damian?” Janis suggests “I think I like that, yeah I like that idea” you say smiling a little “so my lovely girlfriend, wanna cuddle?” Janis asks “I thought we were cuddling?” You say looking at her confused “mmm we’re not close enough” she says as she tangles her legs with yours, pulling you closer to her and making the both of you lay on you sides so you’re facing each other “aww you’re such a softie” you say playing with her hair “only for you cutie, only for you” Janis says giving you a gentle kiss causing you to giggle a little while blushing. You are still playing with her hair and she is softly drawing patterns on your back under your shirt. Janis starts falling asleep and so do you.

A/N: this was just chilling in my drafts unfinished and in a weird format that I fixed so I hope y’all like this lol

Just sat on my floor and ate fish sticks while writing a new fic I don’t know when I’m posting it but it’s being written along with like 3 other things lmao