Just A Reminder That You Owe No One An Explanation For Anything.

just a reminder that you owe no one an explanation for anything.

Lost in Paradise

"You've faced several life-or-death situations. But that does not make you an adult. Finding more fallen-out hairs on your pillow, watching your favourite stuffed bread disappear from the convenience store... The accumulation of those little despairs is what makes a person an adult."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NANAMI KENTO! 🧡

3rd July

Bonus: Nanami being relatable

reblog to give this person you rb’d it from the strength to complete their tasks

Happy birthday to this beautiful, perfect and precious character!

Backfired (Angst🖤)

Mafia!Hawks x F!Reader

🚨TW🚨: Toxic Hawks, implied kidnapping, implied drug usage, cheating, reader is an empty shell of emotions, mentions of killing, blood, bruises, death of reader, grammar mistakes(if spotted). Let me know if I miss anything.

If any of this is triggering to you I suggest you don’t read on. With that being said this is for readers 18+.

*Please bear with me this is my first time writing something like this.*

Synopsis: After many failed attempts at escaping you’ve become emotionless. You go about your normal routine you’ve been accustomed to.

Staring blankly at the cream colored walls of the penthouse became your newfound hobby. After being kidnapped by Hawks, you’ve come to think that your life is a shit show.

There were plenty times where you’ve tried to escape, only ending up caught quickly and punished severely. His punishments would usually consist of you being chained up and locked away in the basement. Others would include you being injected with drugs to see how long you would last before passing out. There was even one special punishment that was set aside for when he doesn’t want to deal with you. You were disgusted by it, he would let his men have their way with you.

You would end up bruised, bloody, and left unconscious. He is terrible at aftercare so he leaves you like that to care for yourself after regaining conscious.

To put short you can only wonder why you were chosen to be his doll. Many would think that any person would be lucky to have an ounce of attention from the infamous mafia leader. Although to you, you would like to thoroughly disagree.

Being with Hawks was like being put in an isolation room with the one thing you hate most. When he touches you it feels like acid hitting your skin. You feel repulsed by the idea as to why he’s taken a liking to you. But, it has been a solid 5 years since being kidnapped and forced to witness many of his violent crimes.

Being around him so long became an embedded routine in your mind. He has done many things to you that each time it would happen you would lose a piece of yourself. Now in present time you are nothing but an empty shell of emotions.

~Present~

Coming out of your thoughts you are met with the scenery of your shared bedroom. Only that the once silence of the penthouse is now replaced with the moaning of one of the many females that he brings here. All before you would be repulsed and you would cry and try to escape to get away from his toxic ways. Now all you can is just blankly get up from the bed and make your way downstairs.

Coincidentally, as you were walking down the hall from one of the many guest rooms emerges the female, which you’ve noticed is a stripper at one of his many owned clubs, and Hawks himself. They were fixing themselves up after their sexual acts in the bedroom. Hawks looks up and spots your figure walking down the hall towards the stairs.

“Hey doll”, he called out with a devious smirk on his face expecting a reaction. When all he was met with was silence as you walked downstairs. Unknowingly causing a dent in his mood, he pushed the dancer downstairs and walked her to the door. She turned around expecting to be met with his many charms of promising to have another night together, but she was met with the door slamming in her face.

Walking towards the kitchen, Hawks was met by the sight of you getting fruits out of the fridge to eat. His eyes scanned your figure and taking in the count of how many bruises he left on you. 1, 2, 3, 4, and he lost count. Some still have dried up blood on you from his lack of aftercare. He felt a tinge of sympathy from seeing how you looked, but that quickly went away when remembering what transpired before.

“You gonna fucking sit there and eat shit like I’m not standing here waiting for an explanation as to why I was ignored. I thought I fucking taught you how to respond to me when spoken to baby bird”, came his voice yelling at you. On other occasions you would be trembling on the spot and stumbling over your words to explain yourself, but all you could do is stare at him blankly.

“Sorry”, you said without an ounce of emotion in your voice. To him, hearing you speak this way was eerie, but couldn’t be freaked out by it because he caused it, right? Maybe keeping you here and only letting you get a taste of sun whenever he has business to attend to took a toll on you. It’s what he thought to himself while observing you, moving around like a lost soul on this planet.

He often thought about how you were treated since being with him. He made you be dependent on him. He figured that if he removed all of your most loved people from your life he could have you the way he wanted. He didn’t think that when he murdered your parents or your best friends that you would hate him. So, he waited the perfect time to catch you in a vulnerable phase to come and kidnap you so you can finally be together.

You on the other hand can only wonder in the one part of your mind that hasn’t been corrupted, how did you get here. You were just living a life you loved. With your dream job, dream house, your friends and parents. Now all of that was taken away by some sick fuck who took an interest in you. All those times where he would take you out to one of his clubs, only to leave you stranded to go fuck some other slut in the club. He made you look like a complete fucking idiot. While you had no choice but to endure it because it would only lead to brutal endings on your part.

All of the manipulation, gaslighting, and torture methods has now barred you from ever feeling anything ever again. It’s all his fault, he took everything from you. So in return, he doesn’t need to get nothing from you not even an ounce of emotion.

“Well, tonight we are going to go back out to the club since you haven’t been out in a while. So I need you to look better then that,” he said while taking a seat on the couch. He watches as you mindlessly grabbed a water bottle and took a sip. Now that he got a better look, you looked really thin and pale like you haven’t been taking care of yourself. He frowns at the thought but didn’t question anything.

“Okay,” was all he got as a response. Maybe he went a bit to far with the whole kidnapping and torture for years plan. He doesn’t like the fact that you have no emotion or that you just act plain and simple now. You walked upstairs and into the bedroom you guys share and went to the bathtub. You ran some water and grabbed a paper and a pen. You wrote him a note hoping that he’ll read it later.

~Fast forward to when you have to leave~

Hawks checks his watch and see it is pass the time for you to be downstairs and ready to go. He began to get impatient and headed towards the stairs.

“Babybird~” he called out as he walked towards the door of the bedroom. It was eerily quiet not a sound to be heard behind the door. He walked inside and went towards the bathroom door. When he got there he was in shock and covered his mouth in surprise. There you lay motionless in the tub. With your clothes removed he could see all of the bruises, faded cuts, and even the branded mark he put on you. He looked around the bathroom and spotted the syringe in your hand along with a drug he had hiding on the floor.

You committed suicide by injecting a lethal drug in your system. He rubbed his hand down his face and turned around to walk out the bathroom. When he walked by the bed he noticed a note with neat handwriting. He picked it up to read what it said.

“When you pick up this note and read it, you would have found my dead body in the tub. You’re probably wondering how I got access to that drug. Well when you were out one night “conducting business” I went snooping around in your office. Considering it was off limits and I was in the house by myself, I took the opportunity to go in there. I found it in the secret room you had behind a shelf. I hid it in my clothes when I got back to the bedroom. I planned my suicide for technically 2 weeks. I found this to be the perfect opportunity. I want you to know that I’ve hated you for years. You deserve nothing but to die a slow and painful death. I wish I could make you feel how I felt since being kidnapped, tortured, drugged, and abused and raped by your men. I do know that whatever comes your way you deserve for it to happen. You’re a bastard and someone who doesn’t deserve nothing. I am glad I’m gone, this was the best thing that has happened to me since being kept here. Any females you encounter, I want them to give you a deadly disease that can’t be treated. Any business deal needs to go wrong so your life can be in danger. I fucking hate you and wanted to kill you for so long. However, this is the best option because I no longer have to suffer just from seeing your face.”

-Sincerely, Y/N

Hawks put the note down and sat on the bed with his head in his hands. He looked up and looked in the bathroom at your body. Pondering over the note, he realized that he may have taken everything too far and should’ve left you alone. But the damage is done now, and you are no longer living now. His whole scheme that he planned just for you has now backfired. Though he could only realize it until the last minute.

-This took so long for me to write because I had writer’s block. But I am so glad that I am getting this to you guys. I hoped you enjoyed it. Please reblog, comment, or like it to show this post some love. This was my first time writing some angst that included dark heavy topics. If there were any grammar mistakes please let me know. I wanted to get his out to you guys since it been so long when I said I would’ve had it out for you guys a couple of months ago I believe.-