I'm Not Crying,you Are

I'm not crying,you are

"Nothing would please me more. You're always welcome, Doctor." Nothing would please you more??? NOTHING??? You are living in the fallout of a planet-wide nuclear apocalypse and you can't think of a single thing that would make you happier than seeing the same little twink you already spent 7 years pining over?????? Garak babygirl there is something genuinely fucking wrong with you

random stuff plus scenes from the star trek pocket novels that haunt me enjoy

so I’m about a third of the way into A Stitch In Time and I just have so many thoughts.

this is unexpectedly one of the most fascinating books I have ever read, because the circumstances of its existence (tie-in novel for established tv show, written by the actor, largely taken from his character-dev writing) create a novel that would’ve never existed otherwise.

in any other normal novel, the protagonist with a sad childhood who gets shipped off to train to be a weapon of the state, in a violent, loveless institution, would be… taking a stand against the status quo! that’s what protagonists do, they make unlikely friends and they stand up for what’s right and they change their world etc etc. yahoo. yay !

but as we good and goddamn know: garak’s not a protagonist

these flashback portions follow so many classic sf/f coming of age tropes of a young lad finding himself in a harsh new world, but instead of the main character being guided by a convenient moral compass and growing in defiance of the competitive, cruel environment– garak adapts, learns to outcompete his peers, learns to be crueler.

it’s not so much that you’re reading garak becoming worse (though he is, for sure)

it’s more that garak is drifting from being a mere product of his environment, to a perpetuator of it

I feel like during their time together on DS9 Garak had fallen deeply in love with Julian. But I think Julian kept him at a certain distance at some point because Garak needed to figure out the kind of person he wanted to be. Garak wasn’t ready for a relationship, he had been standing still since the moment he was exiled from Cardassia. He’s never had autonomy over his life before.

He goes through so much growth and really found himself i think once he returned home and began his journey to help heal cardassia. in doing so he began to heal himself. and I think him recording his entire life story (a stitch in time) and sending it to julian was his way of finally taking off the mask and letting julian see him. kinda his way of saying he’s ready to love and be loved??? i’m on drugs rn so i don’t know if this makes sense, thank you for your attention