Garak Thoughts - Tumblr Posts

So much of Garak as a person starts to make sense once you know his childhood was a fucking gothic novel. His main playground was a graveyard and he'd play pretend by perfoming improv eulogies to an imagined audience. For a long time his main touchstone for most important figures from recent history is 'oh yeah I know about that guy my dad buried him. great flower arrangements for that one'. He finds out later his 'parents' are actually a brother and sister who had to get married to avoid the utter shame and social devastation of having a child born out of wedlock, and they live in the basement of his biological father's house. (the madwoman in the attic vs. the tiny elim in the basement.) His biological father calls himself his uncle and locks him in a closet whenever he fails to live up to his insane and unpredictable expectations and everyone just has to act like that's normal and expected, and his will hangs over everything at all times, unseen but always felt keener than anything else. The father who actually raised him grows the world's most beautiful (and as it turns out, most poisonous) orchids and keeps the mask of a god hidden in a box in his work shed. Everyone in the house is choking down secrets like it's the only air they know how to breathe anymore.

What I'm saying is that right from the get-go this guy never had the faintest shot at turning out normal, so I'm glad that by middle age he's found a way to get a bit silly with it as he continues to be deeply deeply not normal about anything ever <3

So. This one is angsty.

Hurt by Johnny Cash

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“Everything is funny” he really took that shit to heart huh. But then again what else can ya do when your whole life and sense of self is that broken and fucked up. Literally not one thing has ever gone right for this motherfucker.

Garak is at the end of a day a survivor and I love him bc he’s been through so MUCH and he’s still silly :3 still entertains himself bc one must Persevere

The fact that thats the only time he’d ever actually feel warm like he used to on cardassia after literal years of exile… the metaphor of it all

Does anyone else ever think about Garak cold-blooded-reptile-lizard-man-thing and Bashir warm-blooded-human-who-runs-like-a-fucking-furnace cuddling together at night. Cause I do. A lot.

garak is a pathetic extremely mentally ill cringe gay man in his fourties who day drinks and abuses his prescription meds trying to fuck a twink 15~ years his junior. garak is an ex agent of a fascist state's secret police and has tortured and killed dozens of people. garak is cunty and flamboyant. garak is smarmy and a rude bitch and talks in stupid riddles. garak is terrifying. garak has done unforgivable things. garak is capable of change and kindness and affection. garak wants what's best for his fatherland. garak is a nationalist. garak wants desperately to be loved. garak cannot let anyone truly know him. garak cannot handle emotional intimacy. garak is ready to sacrifice himself for a higher purpose. garak is ready to sacrifice others for what he believes to be a higher purpose. but most importantly garak is a fucking lizard

"juliannnnnn. the savior complex he's making me develop is insane" is something close to what I think garak is thinking to himself as he watches Julian get increasingly depressed whenever he has the free space is his brain, even as he tells him to become more cynical for the sake of survival

that's just what julian does to people. one look at his sad face and big wet eyes and I'm already on my knees swearing fealty like a knight to his beloved lady. ready to fight evil in his name. anything for my princess etc.

on a more serious note I find it fascinating how the very thing (one of them at least) that attracts garak to julian–his goodness and idealism–is the thing that he considers to be one of the greatest weaknesses one can have. and admiting that he likes these parts of julian is also a weakness. because of course it is. so, yeah, it very much makes sense that in their conversations he'd chide julian for being naive but in the privacy of his mind he sees julian as like. well. like a Lady or a delicate flower–beautiful *because* it is weak. and for the reason all the more worthy of protection. not to imply that he doesn't respect him or see his strengths but I think it's definitely one of the aspects of their relationship

Garak was late to lunch that day because he was building a bomb to destroy his shop. He was eating Delavian chocolates while he made it. He saw an assassin and knew for whom the bell tolled, but he still ate his chocolates, and he still went to lunch, just a little late. Because he was making a bomb to blow himself up with.

can't believe garak went from 'hope you have fun following my little breadcrumb trail of maybe-truths doctor it builds character ;)' at the beginning of the show to '*sigh* fuck it here's the whole loaf. the entire fucked up bakery of my soul. if you somehow still wanna have sex with me after this you know where I am, yours in infinite longing etc.' in a stitch in time. has anyone ever been so pathetically horrifically enduringly down bad as garak is for julian (laudatory)

“why is garak Like That” well for the first two seasons it’s because he’s on drugs. after that it’s because he’s not on drugs. hope this helps!

One thing about garashir. To me. Is that they're both Weird About each other's professions while simultaneously being Professional about their own. Julian's spy kink is well documented while Garak is just like. This is my job. But I really truly believe the inverse is also true. You just know Garak is sitting pretty in the infirmary like "doesn't this all seem rather....... Intimate. My Dear Doctor 👀" and Bashir is like "not especially, why"

I do like writing Garak, but my goodness he can be a challenge at times.

Just... first you have to figure out what he wants to say, then what he thinks he's allowed to say, and then the doublespeak he'll actually use--

And once you've done that you've still got to work out how confused Julian is by it all!

I'm half-tempted to write this all out like two normal people might talk and then translate it into Garak-ese after 🤣

Garak is such a fun character because after a while everyone is just. Chill with him. Yeah that’s Garak he’s an ex spy. No he’s fine he won’t hurt you. Unless we ask him to, haha. Yeah he’s fine. Yeah he’s like our pet freak

The thing I somehow tend to forget about Garak is that he is absolutely bone-chillingly terrifying, and in any other show he would be a villain. For some reason the writers of DS9 decided to make all of the horror that is Garak into a big joke and the next thing you know I’m giggling like a schoolgirl and saying, “Oh, you rascal!” while Garak snaps Quark’s neck from behind.

i will never get over how garak likes julian for his talking and excited curiosity, and how julian accepts garak as he is, lies, secrets, and all. like that shit fucked me up.

So I read A Stitch in Time and one result of that which I was certainly not expecting was that I feel so much sympathy for Enabran Tain. Garak's life is a tragedy, but Tain's is a fucking black comedy.

I mean, he's a terrible person and an absolute shitbag, but can you imagine? You have this kid. You go to all the trouble of arranging for him to be raised in a family situation where he won't be rejected from society for being your bastard. You get him into the nicest indoctrination school where he can hobnob with plenty of uppercrust kids. You get him a job in your Order and all the proper training. And he's actually, like, really good at it. But he has this fatal flaw of being completely incapable of not making stupid, short-sighted, emotional decisions.

A scene I imagine has to have happened just prior to Garak and Tain's confrontation at the end of part II:

Like goddamn. When Tain asked "what's your plan for getting rid of her husband?" and Garak's just like "plan what plan." Dude. I'M disappointed, I can only imagine the guy who's job it is to know and plan for everything isn't at least as disappointed.

I know he didn't actually, but do you think there was ever a time when Tain wanted to be like, You know what. Just go back to Tolan and become a gardener. Join that illegal hippie cult. It's fine.

so I’m about a third of the way into A Stitch In Time and I just have so many thoughts.

this is unexpectedly one of the most fascinating books I have ever read, because the circumstances of its existence (tie-in novel for established tv show, written by the actor, largely taken from his character-dev writing) create a novel that would’ve never existed otherwise.

in any other normal novel, the protagonist with a sad childhood who gets shipped off to train to be a weapon of the state, in a violent, loveless institution, would be… taking a stand against the status quo! that’s what protagonists do, they make unlikely friends and they stand up for what’s right and they change their world etc etc. yahoo. yay !

but as we good and goddamn know: garak’s not a protagonist

these flashback portions follow so many classic sf/f coming of age tropes of a young lad finding himself in a harsh new world, but instead of the main character being guided by a convenient moral compass and growing in defiance of the competitive, cruel environment– garak adapts, learns to outcompete his peers, learns to be crueler.

it’s not so much that you’re reading garak becoming worse (though he is, for sure)

it’s more that garak is drifting from being a mere product of his environment, to a perpetuator of it

i think what bothers me about "garak would never allow himself to be happy" takes is they presume he has the strength of character to resist it. he absolutely cannot. he's nibbling on illegally imported chocolates all day even though he's gonna blow up his own shop later. julian looks into his eyes for three seconds and he crumbles. he does not have the ability to really push julian away and keep him there. it's like, one of the core things about his character and the way they interact. i don't even think he would wait for julian that long post canon before just going after him like he did in OMB. he's a fucking. puppy dog. he's been told he must deny himself and be a finely honed tool of the state and there is literally NOTHING he is worse at.

I'm never going to be normal about Garak/Bashir.

Imagine being so convinced that you're a monster, respectively, because of unimaginable violence you were groomed into committing and because you're autistic and were given illegal medical treatment against your will so you could pass better. Imagine meeting someone who doesn't just see you but forgives you and refuses to leave you.

Imagine knowing all your life that you can never trust anyone because "sentiment is the worst weakness" or because doing so would destroy your life.

Imagine going your whole life hiding your skills and true self out of necessity, and finding the pleasure of someone who challenges you enough for you to pull down the mask just a little bit.

Garak seeing Bashir as the best of the federation despite being literally barred from service and can never truly be comfortable anywhere because of it, can never have a home. Yet here is this exile, welcoming you where everyone else has treated you like an annoyance.

Bashir engaging with Cardassian culture and, despite their differences, giving garak a place to share the things about Cardassia he loves. A taste of a home he thinks he can never reach. This is arguably the thing that gives Garak a cornerstone to help rebuild Cardassia once he loses Tain who, up until this point, is the cornerstone of his political compass. Garak calling Julian "the kindest voice in my head" and, tho he'd never admit it, he uses that voice to build a better Cardassia.

Imagine being loved in your entirety and finding yourself better because of it.