I Need To Go To Psychiatrist, Cause I Probably Have Bpd, And I Can't Do Live. Like I Can't Have A Job

I need to go to psychiatrist, cause i probably have bpd, and i can't do live. Like i can't have a job and i changing my mind about everything (currently live with my toxic parents, want to k/ms). But going to a specialist in small Polish town its fking stressfull. I am afraid that when i go some poeple tell that to my mum, and she will have questions. Like what am i supposed to tell her? You can't raise children, and you traumataised me so much that i migth have trauma personality disorder? Not even talking about my dad or rest of my familly. I am gonna try to call and to get appointment in monday, so wish me luck or smth

That's why i love him

I think this is the first time that i public something since school