" Time And Again, Boys Race To Be Men.impatient They Start, Fearful They End. But, Here Was A Man Mourning

" time and again, boys race to be men. impatient they start, fearful they end. but, here was a man mourning tomorrow. he drank, but finally drowned in his sorrow. oh, he could not break surface tension. he looked in the wrong place for redemption. don't look at me with those eyes. I tried to anaesthetize, turn back the time that drew him. but he couldn't be saved. a sadness run through him. "

a sadness runs through him by the hoosiers

finished that otto artwork !! it's not very rendered as it's meant to be very sketched up and rough, but I hope y'all like it !! tried to make sure hues were mostly purple, red, yellow, blue, and white.

this was based from the chapter 5 episode but works as an overall character artwork !! and oh yea', this was referenced off of some photos I took to try and get the feel for the hands and the fear in his eyes specifically <3 so, just hope y'all dig it !! now time to make an otto playlist because all these hoosiers songs really vibing with him and noone rn

I won't be tagging a majority of my wips but here's some frames of noon in the doodle anim atm

oh yeah, not little nightmares content but here's some art of one of my ocs, ichabod crow ( he / him ) who I did a little doodle render of yesterday ! I've been having fun w/ my artstyle and wanted to do art in celebration of the hoosiers album coming out this friday so here y'all go he's actually based on one of the songs titled ' idaho '

I haven't done any art of otto but honest to god I feel like so much of otto's angsty behavior I really have chalked up to being normal for me because I have so many weird ocs who have trauma on the basis of horrible shit they can't comprehend happening to them. so this ramble is about that.

one of my ocs, mr. forget-me-nots' whole trauma is on the basis of pure abandonment by his family when he was 18 years old and expectation to run a horrible drug operation long after his mother, the sole owner, passes, and how does he even cope? by doing it. because he wanted any approval from his mother even after she was dead and buried, by hands which he embalmed, and he is so caught up in the world of the dead and the past which he is completely shook by to even understand why he mourns the way he does, because he's so stuck in anger he never truly got to express.

and for another character, their whole identity is chalked up to ' you are an essential copy of another man's legacy and mistake ( in this case, a mistake interpreted as a GOOD thing, mind you ) and told he can't be anyone else other than that person's legacy, that personification, and has to abide by that law, because that's all he is, all he will ever be, and he is told to kill anything personal ( his own childhood crush and lover ) just to extract any idea or possibility he could even be human.

and then I look at otto and all his actions just. make perfect sense to me because he is SO traumatized. by someone who he was potentially close to being taken by something and the idea noone suggested cece ( cici ? ) wanted that, is horrible in execution because has anyone ever considered that maybe cece is his only family? that maybe even their parents weren't that good? there is enough there were you could make the assumption they even hated each other as siblings, but by god with the way otto acts I can't imagine anything else beyond purely a good sibling dynamic or just the pain that is of losing someone, knowing they are in reach, but you're incapable of even getting there, and maybe to some extent it is because of WHO you are, and in that same sense there is a fear that because of how OTTO is, that could even be why she was gone which is why I have been doing nothing but rotting on otto being just such a misguidedly good person who does such horrible things because he is absolutely a bad therapist but you know it is because not only is he attached to noone, it's just the fact she's the one thing that could tell him why cece was taken which is why he's so frantic. noone doesn't respect him and I can't blame her, but I also think it's the little things, the breathing techniques, the attempts to try and make genuine connections, he's in so much denial though that is he so selfish with his own wants that he can't abide by noone's own but you know, that's the thing with someone who is as traumatized as otto is, how could he not be like that? how could he not be as aggressive and outrageously selfish as he is? it does not at all justify the behavior, especially towards a CHILD, mind you. However, it's still the point and clear fact that like or not, he has a complex care for noone and his patients, he doesn't like referring to children by numbers, he tries to ensure noone is given opportunities and chances to get cake, to have gifts. It is so unprofessional as it is a weak attempt to try and do better because he knows he's fucked up, but he's so disorientated in the belief that he can at least fix the one thing that BROKE him in the first place all these years, like. I get that honestly. as someone who has been abused, who has gone through more than the average person, I get not letting go of the past and the refusal not to, the denial, the bitterness about it all, the grief, because as much as you are moving forward, you can't help but look back and for me, that's what otto does so much in the podcast.

he can't help but be caught up in that incident because he was just a boy who lost his sister and was told by someone else that yeah, she could've left because of how he was, but then it's like, that is a majorly fucked up thing to say to someone, actually, he is being so shitty as he is, but he didn't deserve to be told that to me, because from how I see it, otto is alone. he's got nothing to cling to but someone who is already gone, and it's like. he lost his way because he got relapsed by trauma from the past that came to haunt him by literally noone experiencing the same thing his own sister was.

and I feel like by the end of it, he's just going to go down a hole he can't climb out of ( well, he's already dug himself so far as he did ) and it's like. on god, you couldn't exactly blame him for being mad at the ferryman either because it's like. in his eyes, that was the thing that took away a family member, someone he cared about. and if there is one thing I hate, it's like that so many people are forgetful of what makes up otto which is the trauma. like yes, he's done so much that is so shitty, but I'm not gonna' have that be like the only thing I will see about that character because he's really layered to me, I love noone, and I genuinely get why she's upset at otto, honestly I am too, but on god, I love seeing the trauma within characters and how that, for otto, never went away even through adulthood because trauma doesn't. you don't get rid of that, there is no healing some wounds, they just linger and they burn, and they will eat at you if you LET them.

and otto has. I've got like multiple headcanons about otto honestly that I could go into, because honestly he gives off divorced energy to me and that means lack of understanding and difficulty with some social cues reads to me as adhd in my eyes and I have adhd so I'm making that a big hc so it's like. broooo I could go on for hours.

me realizing I really enjoy men who happen to be self sabotaging bastards who are really traumatized and angry ( carmen berzatto and otto from the sounds of nightmares )

oh I am going to be rotting horribly on noone and otto angst actually.