[In The Gentle Breeze]

[In the Gentle Breeze]

[Twilight Memories]

I took time off with the purpose of working on fic. But I find that I'm not very motivated to do anything and that I feel no great desire to right now.

My time off was meant to be relaxing but it's been anything but. I keep looking around my house and finding projects I need to work on, cleaning that needs to be done, things that just pile up until they become an irritant that scrapes across your skin. I feel the press of obligations and the need to keep up appearances or just keep up.

And I think that's been the worst thing about getting older: the creep of obligations and the constant battle to be involved in everything.

I used to be able to sit around the house all weekend without feeling as if I were wasting my time. I could take my time doing chores, going out, even sleeping in. But as I've gotten older, the time I have to myself and my ability to relax and enjoy it has gotten shorter.

I understand now why adults are always out of energy or always feeling overwhelmed. Unless you are able to outsource some of your tasks, there's just no time to do it all. Hobbies take a backseat to the obligations we have and it's draining to not be able to fully enjoy what you do when you have time off. To not feel guilty about putting off cleaning or laundry or something else.

I think the speed of which things happen these days also play into it. There's always a new show to watch; new video games to play; fandom is constantly moving and barely gives people a chance to breathe. It's impossible to not feel as if you're missing something because there are 100 things to track and know about.

This turned in to a long ramble but what it comes down to is that I'm tired of constantly worrying about doing something and not enjoying the moments I have. I miss the slow times and not worrying about being late, not getting the house clean, not having dinner ready at an exact time.

I need to let go and not worry about my progress.

Realizing you can look for really old fandoms and OTPs on AO3 is like a revelation. Going from never finding more than 5 fic for your OTP to suddenly finding 100+ NEW stories to read... not fic from years ago but newly minted fic... is like heaven.

I finally got to do what I set out to do with my time off. Play a bunch of video games, laze around, and just reset.

I've played over 60 hours of Tears of the Kingdom by now and have made next to no progress. I've been way too busy spending my time searching for caves, shrines, Koroks, wells, food ingredients, and wandering the depths. I've covered a ton of the map but keep getting distracted by seeing new things to explore. One minute I'm off to assist a Hylian and the next I'm chasing down a Korok or exploring a cave.

I'm enjoying myself a lot and don't feel the need to progress the story all that fast. It's the side quests that bring me joy and I thoroughly enjoy exploring and taking my time with this game. The only problem I have is that I still have no idea how to fight Lynels or the gloom hands. I'll have to learn eventually but until then, I run.

As much as I love sitting around and playing, I do wish that it hadn't come at the end of my time off. I did want to try to work on some of the fic ideas I have waiting; I did want to work on projects that have been put aside due to no time or energy. It would be nice to have a better way to manage everything; to have the thoughtfulness and ability to organize my life perfectly.

It's about time for me to head back to my obligations. I'll have to figure out a better balance for myself another time.