Sisters, Brothers And All That

Sisters, brothers and all that

Screwed up family, toxic to their peers, throwing stuff in your face until your nose bleeds

My mother didn’t had it very well, cause her mother was a drunk

And her father wasn’t in the picture very often

Cause he got a wife at home plus three kids to take care of

The other woman was the name of my grandmother

Nobody could stand her

Being visited by an older man at his new bought apartment that he gave to her as a gift for the new kid on the way

But beware, cause your wife was following your ass and she finally found out

And saw that you’re not that complex as you try to be

You’re just a stupid man who likes to fuck young girls

Get them pregnant buy a house

So now they’re all happy and stable

Not mentally cause you don’t give a fuck

Calling a 14 year old not depressed when she cuts herself

And those cuts created by insecurities made up from your own words

When you call her obese and a cow

But wait here, I guess that’s why you liked my grandmother

Cause she’s a bully herself

Punching my mother when she was drunk

Calling her bad words while throwing cups at her head

So forgive me child for my headache today

It won’t happen again I promise you

But the shit was always the same

When your wife found out what a dick you are

She forgot about you but didn’t divorce you cause you still provided

Home comfort and food

For the kids you forget sometimes

Cause your mind still thinks about pretty young girls

Who can marry you, tell me sultan

Can I take care of your forgotten harem?

When you get back to my mother

You spoil her with gifts and big words

Small adventures on the shore

Living life like in the movies

Let's pack our things and go swimming

I’m still wondering what you saw at my grandmother

Cause she was so fucked up

And you knew it

Thought she was a blizzard of shit

But you cleaned her up

And she became a proud diamond

For your new home and your new kid

That missed your presence when you were not here

When you were with your other wife and kids

What did they think about this

That you’re the perfect father who takes care of everything

Stupid asshole

Got my grandmother addicted

And you still blame the alcohol

For not wanting to marry her

Unsure about your self esteem

But in this equation x equals zero

Thinking you’re the one who knows everything

Fucking communist

That’s what you tried to produce

To multiply your family

To form a collective full of kids that can kiss your nasty ass

Forgot about my grandma

But lemme tell you she was getting real dirty

Missing hours from her apartment

Visiting neighbours with alcohol

Staying, drinking, thinking

What the fuck I’ve got involved in

Oh shit I forgot

I have a kid at home

Wondering if she missed me

The little kid at home cooked your food and you present her the other side of you

Diabolical woman, with a huge past behind , the same as the scars that your father provided to your back

I know you wanted to run

But the nearer person was this old man

Who got an interest in you

And then he literally got inside of you

Cause that’s how dirty motherfuckers feel good

But you succeed to get there when mama was crying

Cause grandma was beating her

Then you, big idiot on the street

Came into the house and solved shit.

Should’ve done it right

Got a divorce with the first wife and then marry the other woman

Cause you yell left and right that that's the perfect one for you

But your only issue was her alcohol addiction

So you let her live alone with that

In a different town than yours

But still close

So you could come and get whatever the fuck you want from her

She was a fool for falling in love with you

And you’re the biggest fool cause you believed she couldn’t live without you

Yet she did, but very hard

With her daughter and son in law

Who were expecting a child

Your granddaughter, stupid fucker

When she was born every day was left alone with that sick ass woman

Cause parents both at work

And your stupid man brain thought this may work

Sleeping in the same bed with my grandmother

Calling her my mother when mama was missing

But mother disappointed me

When she started kicking me

And calling me fat ass

Get up you cow

That’s a shitty thing to say grandma

Cause I love you very much

And I’ll still come to bed with you tonight

And the next morning you’ll feed me the biggest breakfast

So I know you love me even if you get mad sometimes

Sleeping with her until I was 13 and my ED came in

Had a new best friend

Cause the kids at school were laughing at me

For not being the same size as the girls in my class

Fuck you little shits

I’ll show you what’s what

Eating was forgotten and my mother didn’t see anything wrong

Cause she had her own problems with her own weight

I guess it runs in the family

So she drank her problems with my grandmother

And throw up seconds later

I had no one to drink my problems away

But to throw up I surely can.

Opening the drawers in my kitchen

My mother's favourite food was diet pills

How the fuck can you lose weight

When you only eat oil and shitty cooked meat

That you feed your family with

So how in the fuck there's no problem in this

Got sick of my grandma

Picking fights

Calling me a demon

Calling mama all the bad words

So she moved in the kitchen

Sleeping on a fucked up bed

With the stench of food all around you

Mama and dad should’ve bought a place for us three

Leave her behind

Cause all she’s done was picking fights

Mama was crying because of that

And I cried because mama was crying

My father was less present in this house

Cause he had no words for the situation we were in

His words will always be ”let's get up and leave”

But my mama loved her mother

Couldn’t leave her alone

Afraid she’ll found her dead one day

But I was always praying for that to happen

Cause with a dead grandmother things get easier

A nice kitchen and a good family life

Always thinking about poisoning her

But thoughts past

And she still was a bitch to me

Didn’t enter in the kitchen for a year and some

Afraid to see her stupid face

Her lost blue eyes and her red face from alcohol

What’s enough it’s enough

I couldn’t hold my tongue tied

And I called her all the words she called me years ago

And she got mad but she’s a stupid alcoholic

And I prayed to her that for my eighteenth birthday to behave

But she came in drunk looking for her change of clothes

She was standing naked right in front of my mirror door

And I could see all of her

Fortunate enough for me cause all the other guest couldn’t see shit

So that was about it

I forgot about her even if she lived a wall distance from me

She was an old woman who liked to get fucked up

And so I’ve become one

Getting out of this house cause I couldn’t take it no more

My mother being such a bitch when she drinks

And my father being so out of this reality

Outside I found friends that I could play with

We played like a chemistry game

We used to put all the substances together

And then have the time of our lives

Toxic relationship

Fights in parks

Punches in the door

Sex for making up

Drugs for getting even higher

Alcohol for feeling like I’m someone else

These years were bad for me

They made me what I am today

A retired alcoholic

Who still dreams about small doses

A depressed fuck

Who can’t get her shit right

With an ED on her back

Who won't leave cause she's attached to much

When the situation got real shitty

Mother losing the weight that should’ve been shed a long time ago

With help from her anorexic daughter

Of course she lost weight

Cause not eating brings you respect

And congratulations on the street

When I wanted to get out

My grandma was the one who actually moved out

So for us was the start of a new life

New kitchen new room new bed

No smell of old man anymore

No scandal anymore

No fights and drinks anymore with my mother

I stayed at home

Trying to recover

That didn’t work out very well

Cause I’m still fucked up in the head

My

My feelings, exploited My face, painted My bones, shaking My mind, spinning My feet, trembling My whole body, crumbling I, myself, torturing my own brain Keeping in touch with destruction Shaking hands with disaster Selling my soul to addiction Being buried under eating restrictions Silent mornings Heavy evenings Loud nights with quiet whimpering Thunder in my head at midnight Soul…

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Cheap perfume

and toothless smile

Childish dreams

and broken spine

Daddy’s home

Until he’s not

take a lesson

drink more wine

he’s not selfish

he is kind

he was sad

now he’s done

loosen kidneys

lose the kid

feed the girl

get one more drink

he was gone

all night and day

take a lesson

please behave

take a picture

made in vain

he’s not shallow

he’s not deep

not to show

not to show off

take the money

put it in the bag

go to sleep

never come back

Daddy’s house

is big and large

Family’s not

the only child

dead to me

dead to him

take a lesson

remember him

put the name

write it in stone

he was here

and now he’s gone

thoughts from when I ran away

It’s too much. The walls that are not there I feel they are closing in. The air is not there anymore. I can’t breathe and I have to find a way out. Actually, I don’t want to go out and that’s the problem. Being out for too long makes my body ache and my bones shake and my heart throb. I get dizzy and annoyed and I want to go home to throw up. I hate moving to another place. I hate switching car seats, I hate seeing the landscape move and I dread long distance trips. I want to go back home.

Swallowing pills just to feel something

Smoking cigs so the hunger goes away

Or it fills my brain with fog

I still don’t know the answer

I wonder what will happen

I wonder if I’ll make it out alive

Feeling something it’s a strange sentiment

Cause all my life I’ve been deprived of it

I wonder what will happen to my mother and my father

I wonder if the voice in my head will get louder

I wonder what’s going on in my girlfriend’s mind

When she sees that I left behind

All the good things I ever had in my life.

I pray for their safety and their health

I pray that they’ll find a good therapist

To yell their problems at

Cause I’m all done with that

I pray that they have all the money they want

So they can finally have their own house

I pray my girlfriend will move

And live happy far away from the hell hole she calls home

And I wish the best for all my friends

Even if I don’t call them

And I’m sorry I’ve been a bad person

And sometimes I never listened

To their problems or advice

When they wished me a good life

I hope that my grave will have some flowers

That will blossom in the spring

And the trees around my new home

Will have little birds who sing

To the people who will visit

And will wish me one good thing

“Have a restful sleep my dear”.